lexabear's recent activity
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Comment on What's your quirk? in ~talk
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Comment on What's something you were wrong about? in ~talk
lexabear LinkThe question of "What have you changed your mind on" appears in a longitudinal study on religious belief that I participate in and my inability to answer it with specific examples has made me mull...The question of "What have you changed your mind on" appears in a longitudinal study on religious belief that I participate in and my inability to answer it with specific examples has made me mull it over in the back of the mind. I keep meaning to make an actual list to refer to.
A few things I've been able to recognize:
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At age ~13, I disliked another girl in my peer group. I had an epiphany: I didn't hate her. I was jealous of her. She was fine (it's not like she was ever mean to me; we actually didn't even directly interact much). She just had the qualities I wanted. She was pretty, blonde, liked by other kids, and able to talk to boys. This led me to be able to manage my own feelings about her much more effectively. I recognized she was just living her own life and it had nothing to do with me, and was able to let go of those feelings.
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I don't like dresses. As a kid/tween/teen/young adult, I felt stifled in dresses. They were stupid, and floppy, and you couldn't move well in them. They were uncomfortable and made you look dumb. Eventually in my 30s I finally realized that actually, they're pretty nice if you find the right one that suits your style and body type. Part of this was just with experience and developing my own sense of style. Part of it was that I recognized the internalized misogyny. Dresses are for girls, and girls are dumb, so therefore dresses are dumb. Wearing pants is masculine, and men are great, so therefore pants are great. Part of it also stemmed from insecurity. Dresses were for pretty people, and I wasn't a pretty person, so therefore dresses aren't for me. Better just stick to my pants/tshirts because if I tried to look pretty, I would fail, so just don't try. Actually, it's the other way around - dresses make you feel pretty. Now I have some great ones in constant rotation in my wardrobe and not only do I not mind that they make me look like Miss Frizzle, I consider it a great benefit. (Shout out to Princess Awesome and Svaha for great dresses with pockets.)
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Weightlifting is not for women. A few years ago I realized I needed to do some sort of exercise. Running is free so I started doing that a little bit. I joined the xxfitness group on reddit to see what other people were doing. Women there posted about weightlifting. I kept scrolling past those topics because ugh, why are they posting about weightlifting, that's not something women do, and focusing on the other topics. Eventually I realized the doublethink inherent in that: women were posting about it, but it's not something women do??? Obviously they do it, because they're posting about it. I ended up joining my local Y and started powerlifting. I was the only women in the weights area 90% of the time, but that was fine. I was a woman, and I was doing it, so it was something women did.
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Adding pronouns to email signatures or other areas is useless for cis people. I was never against it for trans people and of course used whatever pronouns people want, but didn't recognize the reasoning for everyone to do it. My name is obviously gendered, so adding a pronoun line didn't have an apparent use. This change of mind was much more direct and exteriorly-influenced: I read an article explaining the reasons why it's useful for cis people to do so as well (e.g., if only trans people do it, then it automatically outs anyone doing it as trans; cis people can have names that don't align with the dominant culture's name-gender rules and therefore it can be helpful to explicitly mention it; etc). I basically went "oh, that makes sense" and changed my Outlook signature.
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Comment on Speculative fiction that speaks to our current moment(s) in ~books
lexabear LinkYour linked story, Better Living through Algorithms, reminded me of a previous story I'd read - and I discovered it was the same author. Cat Pictures Please, another "good AI" story, won a bunch...Your linked story, Better Living through Algorithms, reminded me of a previous story I'd read - and I discovered it was the same author. Cat Pictures Please, another "good AI" story, won a bunch of awards in 2015-16. It was also what lead me to read Maneki Neko by Bruce Sterling (since it directly namedrops it). I'd suggest reading Maneki Neko first since Cat Pictures Please discusses it.
Other suggestions:
The Last Policeman - in this world, an asteroid is hurtling toward Earth and definitely going to wipe out all life in a few months, and there's nothing anybody can do about it. It's about finding hope/meaning in hopelessness and nihilism.
Nevertheless, She Persisted - a flash fiction collection by women/about women. I liked some of it and didn't really click with others of it, which is about to be expected for any fiction collection.
All of Philip K. Dick's short stories. I love his short stories but don't really like his novels. I feel like he has some great ideas that spiral into incomprehensibility if he continues too long.
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Comment on Goodbye, floppies - San Francisco pays Hitachi $212 million to remove 5.25-inch disks from its light rail service in ~tech
lexabear Link ParentIf the lines started being in service in 1998, then construction took years before that, and the design took years before that. The 5.25" floppies might have been designed into it in the 80s.If the lines started being in service in 1998, then construction took years before that, and the design took years before that. The 5.25" floppies might have been designed into it in the 80s.
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Comment on Routine dental X-rays are not backed by evidence—experts want it to stop in ~health
lexabear Link ParentRadiation exposure is a downside. Yes, it's not very much radiation exposure, but it's still some - so if there's no upside to go along with it, doing a procedure that is only downside, even if it...and have essentially no downside
Radiation exposure is a downside. Yes, it's not very much radiation exposure, but it's still some - so if there's no upside to go along with it, doing a procedure that is only downside, even if it is minimal downside, is unethical.
Radiation exposure is not the only downside. Overtreatment based on false positives is another downside. This can be a real issue, and is the reason we don't just do whole population screenings for every disease we know about.
Like yeah it probably could be done less, but the last thing I want is insurance having any more say in my health.
This is a false dichotomy. Everyone in this discussion seems to be jumping straight to the idea that insurance not paying for it is the only way to lower the rates of use. Strong evidence-based guidelines from a professional group, and then dentists actually following those guidelines, is another non-insurance-based way to get the industry to conform to best practices. This is how much of medicine works already - for instance, the guidelines for mammography changing to start at age 40 after lots of back-and-forth about whether it was useful or not.
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Comment on In need of new bedding in ~life.style
lexabear LinkWhen I needed new sheets with deep pockets (to fit a fairly tall mattress + topper), I was frustrated that basically every sheet set says it has deep pockets, and had no way to figure out which...When I needed new sheets with deep pockets (to fit a fairly tall mattress + topper), I was frustrated that basically every sheet set says it has deep pockets, and had no way to figure out which ones were true. I found the reviews at https://www.mattressclarity.com/ helpful because they gave actual measurements, and was able to use their reviews to find a brand that was inexpensive but comfy and actually stays on my mattress.
Their other sheet reviews may be helpful as well. I only paid attention to their Deep Pocket page, but they have lists for a few different aspects.
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Comment on Learned a life-changing tip about human psychology - Any others? in ~talk
lexabear LinkLearn about the Fundamental Attribution Error. When someone else makes a mistake, humans tend to ascribe an internal issue of the person as the cause. (Person A was late to the meeting. They're...Learn about the Fundamental Attribution Error. When someone else makes a mistake, humans tend to ascribe an internal issue of the person as the cause. (Person A was late to the meeting. They're disrespectful of other people's time/lazy/uncaring.) When they themselves make a mistake, humans tend to ascribe an external problem as the cause. (I was late to a meeting. Traffic was really bad.)
Monitor your own thinking for this problem. Yes, sometimes the causes of other people's mistakes are internal, but not always. Sometimes the cause of your mistake is external, but not always.
I have to admit that once, I was driving home and really, really had to poop. I made a left on red in order to get home sooner, because it was a 20-seconds-makes-a-difference level. (Traffic was clear and it was safe, but absolutely not something I would do normally.) Most people seeing this would assume that I was just an asshole who didn't care about traffic laws.
I use this knowledge to make sure I am not making assumptions about the cause of other people's behavior. It not only helps me be less judgemental, but also lowers my blood pressure when driving, because instead of assuming that everyone who does something wrong is an asshole with no regard for safety, and get all angry about it, I can think that maybe they just really need to poop.
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Comment on Looking for adventure(-ish) games to play alongside my 8 years old in ~games
lexabear LinkAlba: A Wildlife Adventure is a cute game where you take photos of animals and defeat an evil land developer. He could take front seat on this one.Alba: A Wildlife Adventure is a cute game where you take photos of animals and defeat an evil land developer. He could take front seat on this one.
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Comment on The biggest band in America in 2024 is … Creedence Clearwater Revival in ~music
lexabear Link ParentWasn't that kind of the whole point of the article? That there wasn't a modern re-popularity of it based on a soundtrack or meme (unlike Kate Bush, for instance), but just a staying power.Wasn't that kind of the whole point of the article? That there wasn't a modern re-popularity of it based on a soundtrack or meme (unlike Kate Bush, for instance), but just a staying power.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
lexabear LinkThe past week I've fallen into the Once Human rabbithole. It's a recently released survival-crafting-light horror MMO, which is usually the sort of thing I wouldn't like, but it's actually pretty...The past week I've fallen into the Once Human rabbithole. It's a recently released survival-crafting-light horror MMO, which is usually the sort of thing I wouldn't like, but it's actually pretty good.
It's free to play, but is actually free to play, with only cosmetics in the mtx shop. It doesn't gate gameplay with long timers that you can pay money to shorten or do other standard tricks. I really appreciate this, because I hate how money twists game design into "make it annoying enough so that people pay money to actually play the game".
Other good things:
- The art direction is fantastic. The music is great. Enemy design is great and really creative (an urban horror aesthetic). I've fought monsters who are (twisted versions of) street lights, umbrellas, light bulbs, and more.
- The gameplay loop is basic but well done: explore the area you're in, gather resources, confront the area boss, unlock the next area, repeat. You can build a base and find formulas while you're searching for resources that allow you to build decorative things.
- The friend/Hive system works really well to allow your friends to use your base (with permissions that you can set and change at any time).
Bad things:
- The UI sucks donkey balls. There are fifteen million menus. About a thousand of them give various rewards, but you have to check each one to hit the 'claim' button (gotta keep that dopamine drip going). I've literally forgotten how to get to specific menu screens that I know I saw some time and it had challenges to complete for rewards but the menu system was so confusing that I couldn't find it again.
- The enemy AI is stuck to "potato" setting and they often just stand there and let you murder them. This first season is described as "easy" so there's the possibility that later seasons will be harder?
- Getting some base parts to build correctly is a giant PITA. Roofs and stairways in particular want to snap everywhere except where you want it to go, or sometimes inexplicably can't be built there at all for no apparent reason.
- The way servers are capped, if you start playing, and then later your friend starts playing, it's highly likely that your server is 'full' and not allowing new players. So you can't play together with your friends. The devs have received a lot of feedback on the issue and are looking at ways to change this, but no specific solution/timeframe has been announced yet.
I've been playing a looot over the past few days while I've had some time off and will most likely finish out the season over the next few weeks. It remains to be seen if it will hold me into the next season - it depends how different it is. I'm not sure I want to redo a lot of grind, but I'm also not sure that I don't....
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Comment on 'I want her to worry about who’s waiting on the corner’: How one man uses Facebook to frighten his children’s mother and why police do nothing in ~life
lexabear LinkWell clearly then people should never suffer any repercussions of their own actions, if it hurts their business. If you use an account both for business and for illegal activities, it should never...Meta responded by suspending all accounts connected to Berkley, which he says has hurt his business.
Well clearly then people should never suffer any repercussions of their own actions, if it hurts their business. If you use an account both for business and for illegal activities, it should never ever be closed, because then it would hurt your business.
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Comment on The Washington Ballet's hardest dance moves in ~arts
lexabear LinkEvery time I see a video like this I am re-amazed at how athletic ballet really is. Just look at their legs! Pure iron.Every time I see a video like this I am re-amazed at how athletic ballet really is. Just look at their legs! Pure iron.
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Comment on What was it like choosing your own name? in ~lgbt
lexabear LinkThe Allusionist podcast had some good episodes on names and name changing: https://www.theallusionist.org/name-therapy https://www.theallusionist.org/allusionist/name-changersThe Allusionist podcast had some good episodes on names and name changing:
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Comment on What did you do to "prepare" for your marriage? in ~life
lexabear Link ParentThanks for waiting for ~2 weeks for it! I need to check Tildes more regularly.Thanks for waiting for ~2 weeks for it! I need to check Tildes more regularly.
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Comment on What did you do to "prepare" for your marriage? in ~life
lexabear Link ParentYou've covered the giant ones, but there are others too. You're lucky that your health insurances allow non-married partners. That's uncommon since same-sex marriage was legalized. Health...You've covered the giant ones, but there are others too.
You're lucky that your health insurances allow non-married partners. That's uncommon since same-sex marriage was legalized. Health insurance and joint taxes are huge benefits that most people need to be married for.
There are a zillion smaller issues that are covered in innumerable laws that carve out protections for marriage that don't apply to long-term-committed-partnerships. Examples:
- social security benefits
- inheritance taxes
- standing to sue for wrongful death
- can't be compelled to testify against each other in court
- assumed paternity
- leave benefits (many employer policies or state laws allow sick or bereavement leave for kin)
Something like court testimony or bereavement leave is usually not the reason most people decide to get married. Many laws aren't needed as long as everything is going well. It's the protections that kick in when shit hits the fan that are the important ones.
Again, this is not to say that anybody should get married if they're not really into the idea. Just to say that it's more than a piece of paper. I also want to explicitly state that I am describing an is and not an ought - certainly, as our society marries less and relies on long-term partnerships more, we should redraw the line of who counts as "an important person in someone's life", or even take romantic-partnership-with-a-single-other-person out of it and allow anyone to designate anyone else as a "co-householder". But while we have the laws that we currently have, marriage is important for legal reasons.
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Comment on What did you do to "prepare" for your marriage? in ~life
lexabear Link ParentI disagree fully. "Fully committed with no escape hatch" is only one way to see marriage, and if that's the way you prefer your relationships, that's fine. It's exactly the opposite for me: one of...I disagree fully. "Fully committed with no escape hatch" is only one way to see marriage, and if that's the way you prefer your relationships, that's fine. It's exactly the opposite for me: one of the things that helped me decide to get married was knowing that there was an escape route if the relationship no longer worked out. I don't know that I would ever get married in a state where divorce wasn't available.
For the same reason, I have no tattoos. There is nothing that I love so much that I'm absolutely certain I would still want it on my skin when I'm 90. If there were a machine that easily and totally got rid of tattoos, then I would get a tattoo.
Even with a prenup, divorce isn't easy. I've had friends who have gone through amicable divorces where they worked everything out as quickly as possible, and the process still sucks. There's no reason to intentionally make it suck more.
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Comment on What did you do to "prepare" for your marriage? in ~life
lexabear Link ParentMake sure that you have considered all the legal protections that marriage offers. You can absolutely be married without having a wedding if the party doesn't appeal to you. I am also...Make sure that you have considered all the legal protections that marriage offers. You can absolutely be married without having a wedding if the party doesn't appeal to you. I am also non-religious and didn't want a wedding, but got married for many boring legal reasons.
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Comment on Word processing like it's 1993 in ~tech
lexabear Link ParentMonkey Island included a "wheel o pirates" - a disc with a spinner where you combined upper/lower pirate faces to get the key to run the game. Physical DRM was both great when themed like that but...Monkey Island included a "wheel o pirates" - a disc with a spinner where you combined upper/lower pirate faces to get the key to run the game. Physical DRM was both great when themed like that but also a PITA, and lord help you if you lost the doohickey.
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Comment on The Steam Winter Sale has begun (Dec 21st - Jan 4th) in ~games
lexabear Link ParentI loved West of Loathing. If you like it, Shadows of Loathing is more of the same in a different setting.I loved West of Loathing. If you like it, Shadows of Loathing is more of the same in a different setting.
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Comment on Recommendations for medical history in ~humanities.history
lexabear Link ParentBedside Rounds (http://bedside-rounds.org/) is another great medical history podcast.Bedside Rounds (http://bedside-rounds.org/) is another great medical history podcast.
I'm your opposite. We should never co-sleep.
I always, always need a sheet in between me and the blanket. Especially my feet. I hate the feeling of the blanket on my feet. If the sheet gets pulled up too far and my feet touch the blanket, I sometimes even startle, and have to fix it immediately. It bemuses and amuses my husband in equal amounts.
I also hate the feeling of air on my feet while sleeping. I need a sheet pulled up over them, even during the summer, even if it's hot. This is mostly because my feet are always ice blocks, so they need some insulation.