pallas's recent activity
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Comment on Serious relationship problem, seeking advice in ~life
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Comment on Serious relationship problem, seeking advice in ~life
pallas (edited )LinkI feel like giving any advice here is difficult, because it will be very culturally dependent, both on general cultural lines and on the particular cultural views of everyone involved. Advice that...I feel like giving any advice here is difficult, because it will be very culturally dependent, both on general cultural lines and on the particular cultural views of everyone involved. Advice that might be good for some groups of people might be ruinous for others.
My wife and I have a close friend we have both always been friends with, since we were first together, or perhaps before (the three of us were in the same social sets at the time). I've always been rather attracted to him. I expect he also knows, without anything being said openly, and that he isn't attracted to me in the same way (he could be perhaps best described as someone who would be attracted to men, if he were attracted to people at all). The three of us have spent a lot of time together, have gone on holidays together, spent some fair amount of time isolated together during the pandemic, and so on. We all do love each other as friends.
My wife has always known about my attraction to him, because we've always been open with each other about those matters, and each of us knows about people the other finds attractive. The attraction doesn't affect the relationship between the two of us. It also doesn't really affect the relationship between the three of us. Acting on the attraction in some way, or making it an issue between us, feels like it would only harm the friendship, and none of us would want to hurt any of the others.
I do think that talking to your partner about the attraction could be beneficial, but it is so culturally dependent that it is impossible to say anything without knowing much more about you and your relationship, and you are probably better able to know yourself. I was, years ago, in a relationship where even the suspicion that I might find someone else attractive resulted in outright abuse. I know a fair number of couples who would find discussions of these matters commonplace, and others who would find them horrifying and ruinous. I would suggest that considering carefully how to discuss it, if you choose to discuss it, would be important. I m
I also do think situations like this can work stably, in some circumstances. I would suggest that you think about what you have and want, and how changes to the circumstances would change what you have. Do you actually want to destroy what you have now by acting seriously on the attraction? Or is being in a romantic relationship with your girlfriend, and a close friendship with her sister, a state that you enjoy, with the alternatives being worse? I might suggest that you consider whether you might love both of them enough to not act on the attraction or destroy what you have.
There being some understanding of the situation, whether spoken or unspoken, can I think be beneficial, in that it can make it more stable. If there is what you describe as 'a slip' (though that could perhaps be quite ambiguous as to extent), it can be understood. I may perhaps at times look at our friend more fondly than one might usually look at a friend. But my wife is not suspicious or hurt, because she both knows, and knows that I love her. Our friend is not be upset by it, because I know he knows that I would not do or hope for anything serious from it. We all enjoy the friendship we have together.
But again, I also know others for whom this would be completely impossible. And it is something where discussions of feelings and relationships take different forms for different people. My wife and I can discuss this openly and directly. My friend and I cannot, I think, without it being awkward, but it can be implied, and we can both know. I know he and my wife are somewhat more able to discuss the three of us. And it may be that in your circumstances saying nothing, and doing nothing, may be the best option. It may even be something that will change, over the years: I am not as attracted to our friend as I was years ago, while I am just as attracted to my wife, if not more.
My new distance was noticed and became a thing. I was confronted and admitted I was creating some distance. She was very upset at this. Tears were shed on both sides, I felt awful and in the ensuing heart to heart found out she cared for me at a deeper level than I ever knew. My love for her (in all forms) grew from this making me worse off than when I started.
The sister confronted you, or both of them? Does your girlfriend know?
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Comment on My Accessibility Stack and the future on Wayland in ~comp
pallas (edited )Link ParentYes? I don't disagree. But then they respond by describing "privileged people spending at most 5 minutes to write erroneous posts" (in reference to a Register article), saying things like or And,...Have you read the post I linked?
Yes?
Gnome devs are constantly abused everywhere on the internet, at times simply for being a Gnome dev other times for their UI design philosophy.
I don't disagree. But then they respond by describing "privileged people spending at most 5 minutes to write erroneous posts" (in reference to a Register article), saying things like
I’m absolutely furious and disappointed in the Linux Desktop community for being quiet in regards to any kind of celebration to advancing accessibility, while proceeding to share content and cheer for random privileged people from big-name websites or social media who have literally put a negative amount of effort into advancing accessibility on Linux
or
If you’re the kind of person who stays quiet when we celebrate huge accessibility milestones, yet shares (or even makes) content that trash talks the people directly or indirectly contributing to the fucking software you use for free, you are the reason why accessibility on Linux is shit.
And, of course, as you quoted,
I fully expect everything I say in this article to be dismissed or be taken out of context on the basis of ad hominem, simply by the mere fact I’m a GNOME Foundation member / regular GNOME contributor.
Keep in mind that the framing reference of the post is a Mastodon discussion of a Register article where a GNOME developer has a dialogue with a Register author in response to an article about Xlibre that did make rather unwarranted claims about Wayland accessibility work, with the GNOME developer making comments like "Despite how many words you can print, its clear you can't actually understand any of it," and 'You write slop articles with no research, that sell VPN and "get more free ram" ads. Stop puffing your own farts.' What point am I supposed to take from this about "trash talking", and which people are doing it?
Again, I do not disagree with the GNOME developers here technically. And I do agree that they often get unwarranted criticism. But when someone chooses to write things like "stop puffing your own farts" (alatiera), "random privileged people" (TheEvilSkeleton), and "you are the reason why accessibility on Linux is shit" (TheEvilSkeleton), it seems incongruous to then complain about a "toxic environment", "nonconstructive criticism", and "ad hominem". Yes, they may be technically in the right, but that doesn't mean that their response to criticism, warranted or unwarranted, is appropriate or constructive, and they should understand that perhaps their reputation is influenced by their tone. I'd also suggest that perhaps, in responding to unwarranted criticism in that way, there is a risk of falling into a habit that results in responding to warranted criticism the same way.
I think there is, at least in the case of accessibility, a common goal of all the people in these discussions. Yet it feels like this sort of escalating tone and toxicity gets in the way.
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Comment on How has inflation changed your quality of life? in ~finance
pallas (edited )Link ParentDo note that not all of Europe is like that. The public health system in Ireland is horrible to the point of being largely unusable unless you have one of a handful of serious diseases the system...I live in europe (france) where we have high taxes but decent (excellent by american standards) public service (mass transit, healthcare, education) / cost of living is lower, and I earn much more than i need (I live comfortably with about 500 euros a month, which includes vacation, restaurant and home maintenance, i expect my expenses will dramatically increase when we have kids).
Do note that not all of Europe is like that. The public health system in Ireland is horrible to the point of being largely unusable unless you have one of a handful of serious diseases the system focuses on, with private insurance largely being necessary for decent care, mass transit is worse than some parts of the US, anything outside of certain cities is difficult or outright dangerous for walkability, and cost of living is quite high. €500 a month would not cover a room in someone's house; we have a student currently paying twice that for a room in a shared house. And somehow, taxes still end up being high: if I recall correctly high for individuals even compared to France, which actually manages to do useful things with the money.
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Comment on My Accessibility Stack and the future on Wayland in ~comp
pallas (edited )Link ParentWow... that post certainly furthers my point. Yes, there is actually work. As I've posted elsewhere in this thread, too, the situation with Talon does not seem so one-sided. But for some reason,...See this post by EvilSkeleton, one of the Gnome devs putting in most of the accessibility work.
Wow... that post certainly furthers my point.
Yes, there is actually work. As I've posted elsewhere in this thread, too, the situation with Talon does not seem so one-sided. But for some reason, Gnome/Gtk devs, even when they are legitimately doing important, good work, seem insistent on taking a toxic, dismissive, demeaning tone toward everyone else. The tone of that post is simply not appropriate. The treatment of others is not appropriate. Whether or not the author is doing good work, they should really reconsider whether writing in such a way is constructive or at all respectful.
I use Gnome, and think it works quite well. I think the developers do good work. But whenever I have to read what they write, I tend to be dismayed that they seem so insistent on taking the tone that they do.
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Comment on My Accessibility Stack and the future on Wayland in ~comp
pallas Link ParentThe actual statement from the Gtk developer is worth quoting: I do not understand how, contrary to all the statements about standards and community and inclusion they tend to have, Gtk/Gnome...The actual statement from the Gtk developer is worth quoting:
I don't feel like answering this point-by-point.
Accessibility-focused people tend to come with maximalist lists of demands ("We need to have all these very intrusive capabilities, or the system will not be accessible at all").
I do not understand how, contrary to all the statements about standards and community and inclusion they tend to have, Gtk/Gnome developers tend to be so toxic and demeaning.
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Comment on My Accessibility Stack and the future on Wayland in ~comp
pallas (edited )LinkIn reading some of the stories that have come out in response to this: this is a post recording the experience of a user who needs accessibility in Wayland, specifically with Talon. The questions...In reading some of the stories that have come out in response to this: this is a post recording the experience of a user who needs accessibility in Wayland, specifically with Talon. The questions of development seem to be more complicated and two sided. In both the lobsters thread and the OSNews article, there are references to KDE developers saying that they think all the necessary supporting functionality is there in Wayland, and that they’ve reached out to the Talon developer to assist, only to be told that Wayland is not and will not be supported, with no room for discussion. Talon appears to be proprietary and closed-source, so there is no way to add Wayland support without the consent of the developer. It also seems to fit into the style of software one might call ‘genius-ware’: an ingenious, irreplaceable piece of software created by single, often very opinionated developer. To some extent, they don’t need to worry about supporting Wayland: their users may well find switching operating systems easier than losing Talon. The discussion of their ‘ultimatum’ is telling: essentially, they are saying that they refuse to do anything to support Wayland, will not discuss Wayland, and appear to imply that they just want the X11 APIs recreated, to exactly what they want, or they will refuse to support anything ever for anyone, including paying users. Gtk developers, meanwhile, seem happy to just write utterly awful, toxic responses, in line with their reputation.
So, in short, it seems to be typical interpersonal drama, and users that projects purport to care about get hurt.
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Comment on DARA - Bangaranga (LIVE) | Bulgaria 🇧🇬 | Grand Final | Eurovision 2026 in ~music
pallas (edited )Link ParentI feel like the great performance likely helped in the vote by making it possible for people to view the entry highly based on the song or the performance independently. It's a performance that...I feel like the great performance likely helped in the vote by making it possible for people to view the entry highly based on the song or the performance independently. It's a performance that feels difficult and impressive to do, not just one that is conceptually well done, and that may have helped with the juries. It's impressive even if you don't like the song: the performance holds up well muted. My partner and I (with the disclaimer that we didn't watch live, not wanting to up live viewing numbers) both disliked the song, but felt the victory was deserved (with the additional caveat that it was, for obvious reasons and rightfully so, a year of comparatively mediocre entries).
And yes, the winner's performance was great: the 'we're doing it here!' of the performers, to the 'they're doing it here!?' of everyone around them that turned into some combination of dance party and rush to move furniture out of the way, to the walk across to the stage, felt like some combination of perfect planning and perfect spontaneity.
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Comment on What do folks carry in their hiking/backpacking/camping first aid kits these days? in ~hobbies
pallas Link ParentWhile I have a Garmin device (a GPS+inReach, actually), that price is now off by a minimum of a factor of 2, and, while it looks like they've introduced a lower subscription cost now that they...The main technological x-factor is that satellite communicators are easily available now. Everyone with a recent iPhone has it built in. And if you want more security/redundancy or have an android, you can buy one from garmin or whatever for like $100.
While I have a Garmin device (a GPS+inReach, actually), that price is now off by a minimum of a factor of 2, and, while it looks like they've introduced a lower subscription cost now that they have iPhone competition, the device won't actually be active unless you have at least a $8/month subscription, which is essentially just for emergency use, and it's something that can be turned on and off without an activation fee. It's definitely a significant emergency tool, and I trust inReach more than Apple's vague 'SOS is available' to actually work when needed. I am also more comfortable with the very clear 'flip-and-push' emergency signal on a device that is much more rugged than a phone: it's something I could do blind and one-handed, or in conditions that would have smashed a phone, and both the method to send an emergency signal, and the very fact that the bright orange device can send one, is likely to be immediately obvious to anyone looking at it. But it is by no means inexpensive.
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Comment on San Francisco-based startup Andon Labs has put an artificial intelligence agent nicknamed “Mona” in charge at an experimental café in the Swedish capital in ~food
pallas Link ParentI perhaps interpreted your initial comment differently, in your calling out specifically 'underpaid labor', which made me think of places that, for example, suggest that an AI is doing work like...I perhaps interpreted your initial comment differently, in your calling out specifically 'underpaid labor', which made me think of places that, for example, suggest that an AI is doing work like customer service or image processing, when it is actually being farmed out to extremely underpaid contract laborers in poor conditions. Here, in this being a marketing stunt, I expect it is more likely to be the opposite: the AI is likely being overseen by higher-level employees who are not underpaid, but are very invested in the marketing. That it tends to make 'cute', but not ruinous, errors is not surprising.
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Comment on San Francisco-based startup Andon Labs has put an artificial intelligence agent nicknamed “Mona” in charge at an experimental café in the Swedish capital in ~food
pallas Link ParentReading the article, I feel like that's somewhat less of a concern in this instance, because it's clearly a marketing stunt rather than an attempt to run a real business, and because the agent is...Reading the article, I feel like that's somewhat less of a concern in this instance, because it's clearly a marketing stunt rather than an attempt to run a real business, and because the agent is trying to do management, while the cafe is actually staffed by normal human employees interacting with the customers. Having the agent make 'silly' mistakes with ordering also adds to the 'experimental' marketing.
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Comment on WIFI APs and other network stuff in ~comp
pallas (edited )LinkTo give a different opinion on Ubiquiti: their hardware is often good, but their software is not. For APs in particular, they have a horribly designed and overly heavy management software that...To give a different opinion on Ubiquiti: their hardware is often good, but their software is not. For APs in particular, they have a horribly designed and overly heavy management software that seems partially intended to sell their cloud and separate-hardware alternatives to running it, when the software should be largely needless in the first place. They've also made questionable choices around longer-term support, for example, deciding to largely abandon support for an entire line of their routers. The remaining Unifi APs I have now have been reflashed to run OpenWrt, and I've been significantly happier with them; I'm still deciding what to do with my EdgeRouter. I'd note that my problem is not that Ubiquiti's software is too complicated; I usually run into problems with it lacking or poorly supporting features I need.
Despite it seeming primarily intended for simpler networks than mine, I've been reasonably happy with OpenWrt; the depth of support it has for esoteric features through packages, the reasonably modern and reasonably standard Linux, and the decently frequent updates make it comparatively easy to work with. It lacks a multi-device management system, but it is simple (perhaps simpler) to manage devices through standard multi-device systems like Ansible. I've found that the Ansible+OpenWrt works quite well with LLM-based management.
Despite my network being perhaps overly complicated (multiple sites, some with multiple internet connections, some with multiple APs, some VLANs that assign BGP-routed IP space, etc), OpenWrt has been able to support everything I've needed (though it doesn't actually deal with BGP for me). The only significant lingering problems I have with OpenWrt at the moment are that babel routing will sometimes mysteriously fail and need to be restarted, and that the upgrade system seems largely designed around the assumption that you'll be physically near the device.
There's also the difficulty in selecting hardware for it: "OpenWrt compatible" can mean anything from the device easily and fully supporting current OpenWrt, to the manufacturer having their own outdated and wonky modified version (eg, Gl.Inet), to installation involving significant hardware challenges.
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Comment on Looking for general monitor advice in ~tech
pallas LinkMonitor advice strongly depends on what you want, and what you're using the monitor for. A good image can mean different things: do you want a good image for text? Publishing? Photography? Video?...Monitor advice strongly depends on what you want, and what you're using the monitor for. A good image can mean different things: do you want a good image for text? Publishing? Photography? Video? Games? Something else? Image quality and refresh rate feel like two very different things to me.
In general, as someone who cares about pixel density and image quality, I'd strongly disagree with the advice here about 1440p at 27": that's 109 ppi, less than the 138 ppi of 2160p at 32", where I find pixels to be noticeable and use 1x UI; my laptop screen, on the other hand, is 256 ppi, and pixels are happily not noticeable. 4k at 27" would be 163ppi, which still seems on the low side to me. But I'm interested in image quality for scientific publishing and for photography; I also don't find high refresh rates to be a substantial benefit.
For color quality, I'd note that while gamut specs can be useful, and provided calibration profiles are a good sign, a good calibration device can significantly improve colors, especially if you have multiple monitors and want them to be consistent.
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Comment on Are there alternative ways to invest savings? in ~finance
pallas Link ParentTo add another caveat, as someone who, in years past, had to arrange loans between family members for significant sums: you need to be careful with interest rates and loan terms, as there may be...He gives them an interest rate that’s lower than what a bank would give and they give him a return rate that’s higher than what the market will give.
To add another caveat, as someone who, in years past, had to arrange loans between family members for significant sums: you need to be careful with interest rates and loan terms, as there may be significant legal constraints that may apply very unevenly. In our location, usury laws placed legal maximums on interest rates that applied to personal loans between family members but did not apply to banks, and the legal maximum could be below standard bank rates or potentially market return.
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Comment on Networking: DHCP+VPN, LAN communication query in ~comp
pallas LinkI'm rather confused here: explaining how your Wireguard tunnels are set up, and how your routers are set up, would be helpful. Are you running the VPN on your client, or on a router? A more...I'm rather confused here: explaining how your Wireguard tunnels are set up, and how your routers are set up, would be helpful. Are you running the VPN on your client, or on a router?
A more reliable solution here might be to run the VPN tunnel on your router, perhaps by adding a separate VLAN that has its default route go through the tunnel. Then your client device has a single default route to a single gateway, which sends outbound traffic to the VPN and things in 10.5.0.0/16 to your VLANs.
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Comment on Tildes Survey #1: How old are you? (Results) in ~talk
pallas (edited )Link ParentOddly enough, I do recognize you, but had never heard of Bauke, and am not sure why I would recognize him, or know that he was on a list of users we should be particularly deferential to, or that...Oddly enough, I do recognize you, but had never heard of Bauke, and am not sure why I would recognize him, or know that he was on a list of users we should be particularly deferential to, or that there was such a list to begin with. Depending on what threads people frequent, they may end up seeing some set of users more or less often, I expect. From my perspective, I just suddenly started seeing several threads about surveys of personal questions, then went to a site that had no contact or privacy information at all, and thought it was quite odd.
That my (EU) university is increasingly aggressive about insisting that we all fill out their 'voluntary' survey including questions about gender, sexual orientation, etc, which is 'anonymous' and supposedly for statistical purposes except in that it is directly linked to our accounts, and, in the fine print, has a list of numerous administrators who can view the non-anonymized data directly, at a university with a culture that always seems to just have unfortunate specific circumstances around how they treat individuals that obviously has nothing to do with their gender or sexual orientation, may have also primed me to be skeptical of any sudden 'hey, let's answer some fun questions about ourselves'.
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Comment on Tildes Survey #1: How old are you? (Results) in ~talk
pallas Link ParentThanks for posting that. To be honest, I've only ever dealt with GDPR in either completely non-personal contexts, or, as an academic with an indistinct personal-non-personal boundary, in my own...Thanks for posting that. To be honest, I've only ever dealt with GDPR in either completely non-personal contexts, or, as an academic with an indistinct personal-non-personal boundary, in my own personal contexts. When this was brought up, and someone pointed out it was an individual with a hobby site, I looked into that, and most of what I found seemed to say the opposite; the GDPR itself also says something rather different, though there is a distinction between Article 2 and the recitals as well. But what you post is actually an official EU site.
You could see, for example this stackexchange discussion, or this one.
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Comment on Tildes Survey #1: How old are you? (Results) in ~talk
pallas (edited )Link ParentI asked where the privacy policy was, and suggested that it seemed like it wasn't GDPR compliant. Bauke gave a reasonable answer. Some others responded with what seems like an odd interpretation...I asked where the privacy policy was, and suggested that it seemed like it wasn't GDPR compliant. Bauke gave a reasonable answer. Some others responded with what seems like an odd interpretation of Article 2, 2(d), but is on an official EU site.
Yet I now have people saying my comment was "an inappropriate answer to anyone on tildes", that I am "glaringly wrong", that I should just "not do the damn survey", that I am "bitching and moaning", that I should have said something like "Hey I'm sorry...", that "you yourself don’t understand it", that it "was super gross", that I should have known who a particular user was and should have thus should have treated them differently...
Perhaps there are cultural differences involved here, but I'm perhaps a bit confused as to why I should be expected to be so deferential to someone I am apparently supposed to recognize by name, while having expletives and insults thrown back seems reasonable. While this double standard seems dismayingly common on Tildes, it is confusing. Perhaps it is that Tildes, while more of an attempt to make a better, smaller reddit initially, has become more of a modern take on an old web forum of friends.
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Comment on Tildes Survey #1: How old are you? (Results) in ~talk
pallas Link ParentThat does not give an exemption from the GDPR, and from just a basic best practices standpoint the project could do much better as well. I realize that this is a hobby project, but I think the...This is someone's hobby project.
That does not give an exemption from the GDPR, and from just a basic best practices standpoint the project could do much better as well. I realize that this is a hobby project, but I think the person doing it might not realize how creepy it could look from some perspectives, or the legal problems they may be creating for themselves.
At the very least, some information how what data is being collected here and how/where in the process it in being anonymized would be a good idea. If this is being done without any cookies or link between IP address / browser and submission, for example, that's very different than if those are being stored (allowing links to be made between individual submissions to different surveys).
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Comment on Tildes Survey #1: How old are you? (Results) in ~talk
pallas (edited )LinkWhere is your privacy/personal data policy? Where is your data protection contact? This appears to be an anonymous site (tildes.community), with no contact information, asking for personal data,...Where is your privacy/personal data policy? Where is your data protection contact?
This appears to be an anonymous site (tildes.community), with no contact information, asking for personal data, with no privacy policy and no data protection contact. It seems unlikely that this is GDPR-compliant.
I might suggest then that having some discussion of it with your girlfriend is probably something you should consider. I suspect she must know that something is off. But that there was this discussion perhaps gives an opening to it too. Framing it as feelings you're concerned and confused by, not as something you want, might make sense.
Also, after writing what I wrote and about things happily working out, I should also note that we've had other outcomes. There was a different, married, friend, who was clearly attracted to my wife, an attraction which was to some extent mutual. The three of us all knew about the attraction (though in hindsight, I'm not sure he understood how open my wife and I are with each other on these topics). We did not see this as particularly distressing, and assumed it would not become a problem.
It did become a problem, and now we're largely cut off from a particular arts scene, because he can't emotionally handle being around her. And while I've been somewhat annoyed by his later behavior, I can't help but feel that we were somewhat to blame, coming from what we came to realize were very different circles, with different perspectives, and continuing to insistently assume that he would be alright with the situation despite it becoming increasingly clear that he wouldn't.