A comic where I vent about me discovering that I like to wear women's clothes and how that isn't very easy or normal as a man (?). I started making it almost a year ago now, but I got motivated to...
Exemplary
A comic where I vent about me discovering that I like to wear women's clothes and how that isn't very easy or normal as a man (?). I started making it almost a year ago now, but I got motivated to work on it more and to post it online thanks to ~creative.timasomo (check out all the other cool things people made for Timasomo here).
A few people told me it's ok if I make a separate thread for it where I can post when I make new updates, so here it is now.
Also with 3 more pages currently up now and some small improvements to the website. First new page -- page10 is here.
Hey, pal After reading your previous draft I took a quick look at your profile and, especially after the new slides, I just wanted to say - as you're already somewhat questioning your gender, I...
Hey, pal
After reading your previous draft I took a quick look at your profile and, especially after the new slides, I just wanted to say - as you're already somewhat questioning your gender, I feel like it's warranted for me to say, please do yourself a favour and give the entirety of https://genderdysphoria.fyi/ a read.
You might find answers to lots of your questions over there and, if you need to discuss anything afterwards, feel free to shoot a PM towards me. I'm no psychotherapist, I can't change anything in your life, and I can't help you in this journey of self-discovery, but I'd be happy to hear your experiences and/or share mine with you if it helps.
Please know it can be a kind of tough read for some.
Is there a reverse to this? I definitely see where you are coming from in this case, but I have on occassion had people make similar suggestions to me. I dont really think that is the case for me,...
Is there a reverse to this?
I definitely see where you are coming from in this case, but I have on occassion had people make similar suggestions to me. I dont really think that is the case for me, but I also dont really know how to respond to such a suggestion when part of the suggestion is that maybe it is true and I just dont recognize it or am in denial.
Like, to the same extent that I dont really know what gender dysphoria is supposed to feel like, I also dont really know what non gender dysphoria is supposed to feel like. I just always feel like me, and I have nothing to compare that to.
There is a conclusion if I decide the answer is yes, then its settled, but if I decide the answer is no, then I might just be wrong.
Obligatory "I'm not a therapist specialising in gender incongruence, and I can only speak based on my and my acquaintances' experiences". I'm not aware of much of an inverse situation because in...
Obligatory "I'm not a therapist specialising in gender incongruence, and I can only speak based on my and my acquaintances' experiences".
I'm not aware of much of an inverse situation because in our society we don't weigh "am I cis" and "am I cisn't" equally, but I won't say it doesn't exist, as I simply can't know.
And, well... On the one hand, yes, it doesn't have to be the case that you're not cis. Hell, most people are cis. On the other, if someone is already questioning, it's way more likely that they aren't cis, because most cis people don't even get that far if they've never experienced the dissonance many gender-diverse folks experience. Plus, you don't need to have physical dysphoria to be trans. There are so many different "sides" to dysphoria, and many of them aren't that obvious. And there's nothing I have to say about all of them that the GDB doesn't already describe in a lot more detail. But even so, put dysphoria aside for a minute. Euphoria is where it's at. What makes you feel good is a lot more important than what makes you feel bad. For which I'll say, experiment in your own privacy in any way you'd feel comfortable to. If you figure out something makes you euphoric, look more into it. If not, well, no worries.
Plus, there's no one way to be trans. Everyone's story, experiences, dysphoria etc. are different. Everyone's gender journey is different. Everyone's "egg cracking" is different. Some figure it out early on. Some figure it out in their 60s. Both are valid. In my own story, for example, although I was aware something was "off" since I was 3, I didn't admit to myself I was a trans woman until, well, decades later. and I was instead just saying to myself that I was somehow outside the whole gender spectrum. My denial (which was fuelled by 90s-00s societal transphobia and by all the challenges I knew I'd face in transition as a person with my ethnic background/genetics/whatnot) was so hard for most of my life that I was genuinely was not seeing what was in front of my own face; so many extremely obvious signs I missed even while being aware I was not cis. Signs that, if I let an unbiased observer describe them to you, you'd go "how the FUCK did you not notice this". And, again... That's fine. That's life, I guess. I could have figured it in my 40s instead and transitioned into a MILF
Which is to say, give yourself time. And give yourself opportunities to investigate your own self in a safe space.
I am so impressed by your comic. It's so vulnerable and authentic and feels like meaningful art. I think if more folks were as open as you the world would be a happier, more accepting place....
I am so impressed by your comic. It's so vulnerable and authentic and feels like meaningful art. I think if more folks were as open as you the world would be a happier, more accepting place. Thanks the reminder to be open minded, accepting, and less judgemental. I hope you continue to find your way on your journey, find support/community, and hopefully keep us updated through your art!
Given the other comments here, I feel like there should be at least one comment pointing out that it's also perfectly reasonable to wear "women's clothes" as a cis man, or otherwise not fit...
Given the other comments here, I feel like there should be at least one comment pointing out that it's also perfectly reasonable to wear "women's clothes" as a cis man, or otherwise not fit mainstream gender norms, just as it is perfectly reasonable for a trans woman to wear "men's clothes". I think it is important to not let a repressive, normative culture with a narrow set of gender norms demand that people look a certain way unless, in some sense, they are seen as some 'special exception' that is wholly outside of those norms. In some inclusive places, I actually know a fair number of men who wear skirts and dresses, and look good in them. It isn't a fetish for them; it is simply part of their wardrobe.
Meanwhile, in less inclusive places, particularly in Europe, I am often dismayed at how nominally inclusive cultures can be so hostile to the smallest deviations from their particular sense of masculinity or femininity, sometimes coming from the same people who would, at least overtly, enthusiastically express how progressive and inclusive they are.
While I'm still coming to terms with things and discovering myself, I'm mostly an average cis male person.... And I've got a couple of nice gypsy skirts that I can't wait to wear, though (because...
While I'm still coming to terms with things and discovering myself, I'm mostly an average cis male person.... And I've got a couple of nice gypsy skirts that I can't wait to wear, though (because Europe and self-confidence) it's probably only going to be at home and in a festival environment.
But who knows what the future holds! It's exciting, and this thread has been full of interesting reading
...long autumnal skirts are gorgeous regardless of gender; i rocked them proudly presenting male back when my body shape could pull them off and nobody other than my own mother batted an eye...
...long autumnal skirts are gorgeous regardless of gender; i rocked them proudly presenting male back when my body shape could pull them off and nobody other than my own mother batted an eye...
I'm not suggesting commando by any means, but even longer skirts can get blown upwards. Shorts help, I just really like the skirt-pants/split skirts. It's about the only femme thing I wear
I'm not suggesting commando by any means, but even longer skirts can get blown upwards. Shorts help, I just really like the skirt-pants/split skirts.
Far be it from any person in the trans community to declare someone else's identity for them. But I agree with @TaylorSwiftsPickles: I think you owe it to yourself to do a bit of reading and...
Far be it from any person in the trans community to declare someone else's identity for them. But I agree with @TaylorSwiftsPickles: I think you owe it to yourself to do a bit of reading and looking into what transness means for other people, and see how that might or might not be reflected in yourself. https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com might also be a worthwhile read, especially her earlier posts about realisations and comings out: Part One: A Webcomic.
There are as many trans identities as there are trans people, and that label covers everything from binary trans all the way to "gender is completely meaningless and I refuse to have one." It simply means "not cis." Take your time, and remember that whatever the outcome of your self-exploration, you will know yourself better. And that is unequivocally a good thing.
I will also say: thank you for making this. I wish I'd seen this in the period between 2008-2020 while I was desperately trying to figure my self out. The world needs this kind of expression, this kind of art, possibly now more than ever. It resonates with others, and it allows them to see their own experiences mirrored in some way. It's comforting to know we're not alone, and there is safety in realising that the struggles we have are not brand new in the world (although they are of course unique to us). Art can help to bring such clarity, both to the artist and to the people who experience it. I hope expressing yourself through this medium brought a measure of peace. Sending love <3
Thanks for sharing something so personal and open, this is really good! You really nailed the introspective stream-of-consciousness style of dialogue. In the last couple of years I've had multiple...
Thanks for sharing something so personal and open, this is really good! You really nailed the introspective stream-of-consciousness style of dialogue.
In the last couple of years I've had multiple friends come out as trans or nb or otherwise question their gender identity and describe pretty similar journeys to what you illustrate here. So I'm appreciative of works like this that maybe help me understand a little better.
...back before laser hair removal was a thing, i tried tweezers for my facial hair; that did not turn out well... ...had modern hormone therapy been available in my youth i'd've surely availed...
...back before laser hair removal was a thing, i tried tweezers for my facial hair; that did not turn out well...
...had modern hormone therapy been available in my youth i'd've surely availed myself, but as testosterone worked its ravages with age, i eventually made my peace with what i've become...
You should definitely make your own decisions, but the anecdata that I've seen from people in their 70s or older all suggests that they're happy to have made the change. Testosterone does makes...
You should definitely make your own decisions, but the anecdata that I've seen from people in their 70s or older all suggests that they're happy to have made the change. Testosterone does makes changes over time, but the mental shifts from starting an antiandrogen and estrogen happy on a timescale of weeks or months and are quite worthwhile if your brain is inclined in that direction
Excellent content as others have said. I'm not really a big fan of web comics, but I could feel how veburable and honest you were being through this one and it got me reading the whole thing....
Excellent content as others have said. I'm not really a big fan of web comics, but I could feel how veburable and honest you were being through this one and it got me reading the whole thing. Honestly, extremely impressive, I don't think I could do that!
I was humbled by your thoughts of "doesn't everyone else feel like that?" I regards to feeling like their gender. While I do identify as a man and don't have gender dysphoria, I do have and have been through those thoughts for other things. Then it's a huge eye opener to find out that you're in the minority, especially if it's something you're sure is just normal until you talk about it.
The human mind is wonderful and so complex, we live in such a wild time to see so many ordinary people live through the ups and downs thanks to the internet. I'm curious where we go from here.
As to you, I hope you find the answers you are looking for. It seems like you are on your journey and you are asking all the right questions. I don't think it's ever too early or too late to make that journey, as long as you do it sometime.
You mentioned being AS OLD as 20 something and that is still SO YOUNG. So don't sweat it!
Indubitably. It's honestly simultaneously funny and sad how often you'll hear from various trans and/or gender-questioning folks, sentiments like "oh, I'm <20-something or in my early 30s>, I'm so...
You mentioned being AS OLD as 20 something and that is still SO YOUNG. So don't sweat it!
Indubitably. It's honestly simultaneously funny and sad how often you'll hear from various trans and/or gender-questioning folks, sentiments like "oh, I'm <20-something or in my early 30s>, I'm so OLD, my life is halfway over, I should have <realised my gender/transitioned/???> when I was still a teen / I should grow up and act my age", and so on. And those thoughts can be interpreted pretty disrespectfully from the folks who started questioning their gender, figured out their gender, or transitioned later in life. Say, in their 40s, 50s, 60s, or 70s. People are never too old to question/realise their gender or transition, and in my experience you can absolutely "pass" as your preferred gender even if you transition much later in life.
Of course, not to be a hypocrite; I also silently struggled with similar thought patterns early on in my own transition - in my case especially fueled by an endocrinal problem I only discovered, like, last year. But at the end of the day, those self-deprecating thoughts are merely projections of our own insecurities, projections, internalised transphobia, regrets for the past, and so on. In my experience, we come to accept our past eventually,
i really like the fuzzy style, works super well with the content and feeling of being inside your mind, sort of impressionistic-y. I can sympathise with the idea of not really knowing how to...
i really like the fuzzy style, works super well with the content and feeling of being inside your mind, sort of impressionistic-y. I can sympathise with the idea of not really knowing how to confront and just wanting to walk away from idiotic gossip, just sucks. Hope stuff clarifies for you <3
As someone who's not inclined to gossip, it took me a very long time to understand this, but a lot of people who gossip aren't necessarily fundamentally judgmental. They're often just bored and...
Exemplary
As someone who's not inclined to gossip, it took me a very long time to understand this, but a lot of people who gossip aren't necessarily fundamentally judgmental. They're often just bored and scrambling around for something weird or funny to entertain other people with.
When I've had coworkers who gossip a lot, I've found that an effective non-confrontational way to deal with it is to tell them funny or weird stories about me and my life. If they say, "Did you know [so-and-so] did [some embarrassing thing]?", instead of engaging directly, I might say "Oh, that's like the time I did [some other embarrassing thing that I don't mind sharing]." We'll laugh about what I did, and then they start sharing funny anecdotes from their own life, and it basically just makes for a much friendlier conversation.
It doesn't have to be anything private or salacious. In my experience, silly things I did as a kid (like the time I filled the bathtub with dirt and plants to make a lizard habitat, and my mom's surprise when she went to take a shower) can be a really good redirection, even if it has essentially nothing to do with whatever they're gossiping about.
I put up 3 new pages! (first newly added page, page13 is here) (about page14, The Perfect Child by Spiral Staircase is an amazing album, if you like slow, noisey, post-rocky music I'd highly...
I put up 3 new pages! (first newly added page, page13 is here) (about page14, The Perfect Child by Spiral Staircase is an amazing album, if you like slow, noisey, post-rocky music I'd highly recommend it.)
Thanks everyone for reading and for all your kind comments!
...sometimes the absolute last thing i want in the world is to interact with cashiers, so self-checkout was a godsend... ...you don't need a band; get out and rock the world with your stage...
...sometimes the absolute last thing i want in the world is to interact with cashiers, so self-checkout was a godsend...
...you don't need a band; get out and rock the world with your stage presence!..
Y'know... I've never done this before in my 7 years on this site, but I just want to let you know (so you have no delusions or excuses about it) that if you do get banned, which I suspect you...
Y'know... I've never done this before in my 7 years on this site, but I just want to let you know (so you have no delusions or excuses about it) that if you do get banned, which I suspect you will, it won't be for "sharing your lived experience" or going against the prevailing consensus here, it'll be for being an asshole about it.
There are so many more productive, constructive, and healthy ways you could have shared your own negative experiences without being a bigot and accusing everyone who cross-dresses of being an immoral fetishist, or attacking the OP who was gracious enough to open up to us about their own experiences. And I genuinely hope that some day you will look back on this moment and reflect on how you mistakenly allowed the actions of a few to taint your perspective on the diverse and complicated lives of the many.
Edit: And they're gone. T'was for the best. Thanks for responding so quickly and keeping Tildes such a compassionate, supportive, and hate free place, @Deimos. And sorry to OP, if you actually saw the now removed comments. Nobody deserves to be the target of that kind of hatred, and I hope you know that the majority of people here on Tildes fully support you and truly appreciate you sharing this aspect of your life with us.
No one asked about your friend. I'm sure they were struggling, and needed help that you could not give. To go on and say that, from your limited experience, all crossdressers are fetishists, and,...
No one asked about your friend. I'm sure they were struggling, and needed help that you could not give. To go on and say that, from your limited experience, all crossdressers are fetishists, and, by implication, bad people, is the definition of bigotry. Like you, I have known some people who crossdressed and, also, struggled with mental health, torched relationships, made a cabbage of their lives. I have also known some who were kind and lovely and beautiful people. And I have seen the first kind turn into the second, with support and with distance and with time. Not to mention all the trans people who crossdress first to explore; not to mention the queer people who do so as performance art. You would likely say my experience comes from an echo chamber? You are no doubt older than me, but I think in this matter I have seen much more than you. Whereas you are the one generalizing your limited experience to slur a hurting stranger.
I can understand your frustration with a friend “throwing away their life”, but I don’t think it’s fair to equate your friends’ experiences to the experiences of the OP. While you are welcome to...
I can understand your frustration with a friend “throwing away their life”, but I don’t think it’s fair to equate your friends’ experiences to the experiences of the OP.
While you are welcome to share your lived experiences, I think they would be better taken if they were shared in a way that didn’t come across as directly attacking the OP, on a post where they’re explicitly being vulnerable and sharing insecurities.
A comic where I vent about me discovering that I like to wear women's clothes and how that isn't very easy or normal as a man (?). I started making it almost a year ago now, but I got motivated to work on it more and to post it online thanks to ~creative.timasomo (check out all the other cool things people made for Timasomo here).
A few people told me it's ok if I make a separate thread for it where I can post when I make new updates, so here it is now.
Also with 3 more pages currently up now and some small improvements to the website. First new page -- page10 is here.
Hey, pal
After reading your previous draft I took a quick look at your profile and, especially after the new slides, I just wanted to say - as you're already somewhat questioning your gender, I feel like it's warranted for me to say, please do yourself a favour and give the entirety of https://genderdysphoria.fyi/ a read.
You might find answers to lots of your questions over there and, if you need to discuss anything afterwards, feel free to shoot a PM towards me. I'm no psychotherapist, I can't change anything in your life, and I can't help you in this journey of self-discovery, but I'd be happy to hear your experiences and/or share mine with you if it helps.
Please know it can be a kind of tough read for some.
Is there a reverse to this?
I definitely see where you are coming from in this case, but I have on occassion had people make similar suggestions to me. I dont really think that is the case for me, but I also dont really know how to respond to such a suggestion when part of the suggestion is that maybe it is true and I just dont recognize it or am in denial.
Like, to the same extent that I dont really know what gender dysphoria is supposed to feel like, I also dont really know what non gender dysphoria is supposed to feel like. I just always feel like me, and I have nothing to compare that to.
There is a conclusion if I decide the answer is yes, then its settled, but if I decide the answer is no, then I might just be wrong.
Obligatory "I'm not a therapist specialising in gender incongruence, and I can only speak based on my and my acquaintances' experiences".
I'm not aware of much of an inverse situation because in our society we don't weigh "am I cis" and "am I cisn't" equally, but I won't say it doesn't exist, as I simply can't know.
And, well... On the one hand, yes, it doesn't have to be the case that you're not cis. Hell, most people are cis. On the other, if someone is already questioning, it's way more likely that they aren't cis, because most cis people don't even get that far if they've never experienced the dissonance many gender-diverse folks experience. Plus, you don't need to have physical dysphoria to be trans. There are so many different "sides" to dysphoria, and many of them aren't that obvious. And there's nothing I have to say about all of them that the GDB doesn't already describe in a lot more detail. But even so, put dysphoria aside for a minute. Euphoria is where it's at. What makes you feel good is a lot more important than what makes you feel bad. For which I'll say, experiment in your own privacy in any way you'd feel comfortable to. If you figure out something makes you euphoric, look more into it. If not, well, no worries.
Plus, there's no one way to be trans. Everyone's story, experiences, dysphoria etc. are different. Everyone's gender journey is different. Everyone's "egg cracking" is different. Some figure it out early on. Some figure it out in their 60s. Both are valid. In my own story, for example, although I was aware something was "off" since I was 3, I didn't admit to myself I was a trans woman until, well, decades later. and I was instead just saying to myself that I was somehow outside the whole gender spectrum. My denial (which was fuelled by 90s-00s societal transphobia and by all the challenges I knew I'd face in transition as a person with my ethnic background/genetics/whatnot) was so hard for most of my life that I was genuinely was not seeing what was in front of my own face; so many extremely obvious signs I missed even while being aware I was not cis. Signs that, if I let an unbiased observer describe them to you, you'd go "how the FUCK did you not notice this". And, again... That's fine. That's life, I guess. I could have figured it in my 40s instead
and transitioned into a MILFWhich is to say, give yourself time. And give yourself opportunities to investigate your own self in a safe space.
I am so impressed by your comic. It's so vulnerable and authentic and feels like meaningful art. I think if more folks were as open as you the world would be a happier, more accepting place. Thanks the reminder to be open minded, accepting, and less judgemental. I hope you continue to find your way on your journey, find support/community, and hopefully keep us updated through your art!
Given the other comments here, I feel like there should be at least one comment pointing out that it's also perfectly reasonable to wear "women's clothes" as a cis man, or otherwise not fit mainstream gender norms, just as it is perfectly reasonable for a trans woman to wear "men's clothes". I think it is important to not let a repressive, normative culture with a narrow set of gender norms demand that people look a certain way unless, in some sense, they are seen as some 'special exception' that is wholly outside of those norms. In some inclusive places, I actually know a fair number of men who wear skirts and dresses, and look good in them. It isn't a fetish for them; it is simply part of their wardrobe.
Meanwhile, in less inclusive places, particularly in Europe, I am often dismayed at how nominally inclusive cultures can be so hostile to the smallest deviations from their particular sense of masculinity or femininity, sometimes coming from the same people who would, at least overtly, enthusiastically express how progressive and inclusive they are.
While I'm still coming to terms with things and discovering myself, I'm mostly an average cis male person.... And I've got a couple of nice gypsy skirts that I can't wait to wear, though (because Europe and self-confidence) it's probably only going to be at home and in a festival environment.
But who knows what the future holds! It's exciting, and this thread has been full of interesting reading
...long autumnal skirts are gorgeous regardless of gender; i rocked them proudly presenting male back when my body shape could pull them off and nobody other than my own mother batted an eye...
I know right? They're so swishy!
Don't sleep on a split skirt/skirt pants. Good ones have a ton of swish and still let you
ride a horsenot chafe/risk flashing people if it's windy...i've never been bold-enough to go commando; truth is i'm more comfortable with shorts underneath anything i'm wearing...
I'm not suggesting commando by any means, but even longer skirts can get blown upwards. Shorts help, I just really like the skirt-pants/split skirts.
It's about the only femme thing I wear
Far be it from any person in the trans community to declare someone else's identity for them. But I agree with @TaylorSwiftsPickles: I think you owe it to yourself to do a bit of reading and looking into what transness means for other people, and see how that might or might not be reflected in yourself. https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com might also be a worthwhile read, especially her earlier posts about realisations and comings out: Part One: A Webcomic.
There are as many trans identities as there are trans people, and that label covers everything from binary trans all the way to "gender is completely meaningless and I refuse to have one." It simply means "not cis." Take your time, and remember that whatever the outcome of your self-exploration, you will know yourself better. And that is unequivocally a good thing.
I will also say: thank you for making this. I wish I'd seen this in the period between 2008-2020 while I was desperately trying to figure my self out. The world needs this kind of expression, this kind of art, possibly now more than ever. It resonates with others, and it allows them to see their own experiences mirrored in some way. It's comforting to know we're not alone, and there is safety in realising that the struggles we have are not brand new in the world (although they are of course unique to us). Art can help to bring such clarity, both to the artist and to the people who experience it. I hope expressing yourself through this medium brought a measure of peace. Sending love <3
I am definitely seconding the recommendation of "Stained Glass Woman" as a worthwhile read
Thanks for sharing something so personal and open, this is really good! You really nailed the introspective stream-of-consciousness style of dialogue.
In the last couple of years I've had multiple friends come out as trans or nb or otherwise question their gender identity and describe pretty similar journeys to what you illustrate here. So I'm appreciative of works like this that maybe help me understand a little better.
...back before laser hair removal was a thing, i tried tweezers for my facial hair; that did not turn out well...
...had modern hormone therapy been available in my youth i'd've surely availed myself, but as testosterone worked its ravages with age, i eventually made my peace with what i've become...
You should definitely make your own decisions, but the anecdata that I've seen from people in their 70s or older all suggests that they're happy to have made the change. Testosterone does makes changes over time, but the mental shifts from starting an antiandrogen and estrogen happy on a timescale of weeks or months and are quite worthwhile if your brain is inclined in that direction
Excellent content as others have said. I'm not really a big fan of web comics, but I could feel how veburable and honest you were being through this one and it got me reading the whole thing. Honestly, extremely impressive, I don't think I could do that!
I was humbled by your thoughts of "doesn't everyone else feel like that?" I regards to feeling like their gender. While I do identify as a man and don't have gender dysphoria, I do have and have been through those thoughts for other things. Then it's a huge eye opener to find out that you're in the minority, especially if it's something you're sure is just normal until you talk about it.
The human mind is wonderful and so complex, we live in such a wild time to see so many ordinary people live through the ups and downs thanks to the internet. I'm curious where we go from here.
As to you, I hope you find the answers you are looking for. It seems like you are on your journey and you are asking all the right questions. I don't think it's ever too early or too late to make that journey, as long as you do it sometime.
You mentioned being AS OLD as 20 something and that is still SO YOUNG. So don't sweat it!
Indubitably. It's honestly simultaneously funny and sad how often you'll hear from various trans and/or gender-questioning folks, sentiments like "oh, I'm
<20-something or in my early 30s>, I'm so OLD, my life is halfway over, I should have<realised my gender/transitioned/???>when I was still a teen / I should grow up and act my age", and so on. And those thoughts can be interpreted pretty disrespectfully from the folks who started questioning their gender, figured out their gender, or transitioned later in life. Say, in their 40s, 50s, 60s, or 70s. People are never too old to question/realise their gender or transition, and in my experience you can absolutely "pass" as your preferred gender even if you transition much later in life.Of course, not to be a hypocrite; I also silently struggled with similar thought patterns early on in my own transition - in my case especially fueled by an endocrinal problem I only discovered, like, last year. But at the end of the day, those self-deprecating thoughts are merely projections of our own insecurities, projections, internalised transphobia, regrets for the past, and so on. In my experience, we come to accept our past eventually,
I love your art style. My daughter loves those scratch books, and it reminds me of that. I hope you find a way through those feelings.
i really like the fuzzy style, works super well with the content and feeling of being inside your mind, sort of impressionistic-y. I can sympathise with the idea of not really knowing how to confront and just wanting to walk away from idiotic gossip, just sucks. Hope stuff clarifies for you <3
As someone who's not inclined to gossip, it took me a very long time to understand this, but a lot of people who gossip aren't necessarily fundamentally judgmental. They're often just bored and scrambling around for something weird or funny to entertain other people with.
When I've had coworkers who gossip a lot, I've found that an effective non-confrontational way to deal with it is to tell them funny or weird stories about me and my life. If they say, "Did you know [so-and-so] did [some embarrassing thing]?", instead of engaging directly, I might say "Oh, that's like the time I did [some other embarrassing thing that I don't mind sharing]." We'll laugh about what I did, and then they start sharing funny anecdotes from their own life, and it basically just makes for a much friendlier conversation.
It doesn't have to be anything private or salacious. In my experience, silly things I did as a kid (like the time I filled the bathtub with dirt and plants to make a lizard habitat, and my mom's surprise when she went to take a shower) can be a really good redirection, even if it has essentially nothing to do with whatever they're gossiping about.
fair, that makes sense
I put up 3 new pages! (first newly added page, page13 is here) (about page14, The Perfect Child by Spiral Staircase is an amazing album, if you like slow, noisey, post-rocky music I'd highly recommend it.)
Thanks everyone for reading and for all your kind comments!
...sometimes the absolute last thing i want in the world is to interact with cashiers, so self-checkout was a godsend...
...you don't need a band; get out and rock the world with your stage presence!..
Y'know... I've never done this before in my 7 years on this site, but I just want to let you know (so you have no delusions or excuses about it) that if you do get banned, which I suspect you will, it won't be for "sharing your lived experience" or going against the prevailing consensus here, it'll be for being an asshole about it.
There are so many more productive, constructive, and healthy ways you could have shared your own negative experiences without being a bigot and accusing everyone who cross-dresses of being an immoral fetishist, or attacking the OP who was gracious enough to open up to us about their own experiences. And I genuinely hope that some day you will look back on this moment and reflect on how you mistakenly allowed the actions of a few to taint your perspective on the diverse and complicated lives of the many.
Edit: And they're gone. T'was for the best. Thanks for responding so quickly and keeping Tildes such a compassionate, supportive, and hate free place, @Deimos. And sorry to OP, if you actually saw the now removed comments. Nobody deserves to be the target of that kind of hatred, and I hope you know that the majority of people here on Tildes fully support you and truly appreciate you sharing this aspect of your life with us.
No one asked about your friend. I'm sure they were struggling, and needed help that you could not give. To go on and say that, from your limited experience, all crossdressers are fetishists, and, by implication, bad people, is the definition of bigotry. Like you, I have known some people who crossdressed and, also, struggled with mental health, torched relationships, made a cabbage of their lives. I have also known some who were kind and lovely and beautiful people. And I have seen the first kind turn into the second, with support and with distance and with time. Not to mention all the trans people who crossdress first to explore; not to mention the queer people who do so as performance art. You would likely say my experience comes from an echo chamber? You are no doubt older than me, but I think in this matter I have seen much more than you. Whereas you are the one generalizing your limited experience to slur a hurting stranger.
I can understand your frustration with a friend “throwing away their life”, but I don’t think it’s fair to equate your friends’ experiences to the experiences of the OP.
While you are welcome to share your lived experiences, I think they would be better taken if they were shared in a way that didn’t come across as directly attacking the OP, on a post where they’re explicitly being vulnerable and sharing insecurities.