Basil's recent activity
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Comment on Is the concept of debate completely useless? in ~talk
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Is the concept of debate completely useless?
I feel like basically every time I debate any kind of topic (doesn't even have to be controversial, like politics, but of course there it's more common) with people where the participants don't...
I feel like basically every time I debate any kind of topic (doesn't even have to be controversial, like politics, but of course there it's more common) with people where the participants don't all agree never actually leads to any conclusion where one of the participants would actually change their mind. No matter how the debate goes. No matter whether there is some irrefutable evidence that disproves what one of the participants believes, or if their position is illogical, or basically anything. I feel like people just become entrenched in defending their side, usually the debate starts going in circles, until someone just walks away from the debate or the topic gets changed.
I don't really like this, it just feels like wasted time... I'd rather if when people actually discuss topics that they'd come to reasonable conclusions that make more sense, make the world better, are better supported by evidence etc. I guess it can be considered to be fun, though I don't really feel it is very fun and instead it just frustrates me. But I guess "debate" is often being done basically fully as entertainment, just look at how big channels like Jubilee are getting on Youtube for example, though I kind of hate it.
Is there a better way to steer "debates" into something more productive that can actually change peoples minds?
31 votes -
Choosing a sewing machine
I've been slowly getting into sewing, mainly with the goal of making cosplay, but for now mostly repairing and altering clothing by hand sewing. Since I've stuck with it for some time now I am...
I've been slowly getting into sewing, mainly with the goal of making cosplay, but for now mostly repairing and altering clothing by hand sewing. Since I've stuck with it for some time now I am thinking of getting a sewing machine, since hand sewing larger things is a bit of a pain.
So now I am looking at some sewing machines and I have a few questions: Is buying a cheaper machine a waste of money? I've read some older topics here on Tildes and saw that Singer machines have a terrible reputation, so I probably should avoid those? What kind of features should a machine definitely have? For example I am looking at something like the Janome Juno J15, is this still basically a toy or would it be enough for most things?
16 votes -
Comment on Would you like to be a part of my music/sound art project? in ~creative
Basil LinkI like the music you shared and I think this is a really cool idea! Sent you a message with some random stuff that was currently running through my headI like the music you shared and I think this is a really cool idea!
Sent you a message with some random stuff that was currently running through my head
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Comment on What have you been putting off/procrastinating about doing? in ~life
Basil Link ParentDay after posting this, I got probably the closest to actually doing it, I even started getting ready the paperwork for it. But then I just couldn't stop thinking about random transphobic garbage...Day after posting this, I got probably the closest to actually doing it, I even started getting ready the paperwork for it. But then I just couldn't stop thinking about random transphobic garbage some of my coworkers say and I once again decided to put it off. I wish I just didn't care and was me. I hate that I keep suppressing myself.
I need to get another job... Between jobs would be so much of a better time to do it. Though as I said there probably never will be a perfect time to do it. And I hate the idea that those people will be making fun of me even when I do get another job when they find out.
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Comment on Climbing the Skyfrost Nail (a piece about jury service, essay collections, and Genshin Impact) in ~games
Basil (edited )LinkThat was some amazing writing, thank you for sharing! I've been playing Genshin on and off since it's release and there is certainly something interesting about being able to repeatable come back...That was some amazing writing, thank you for sharing!
I've been playing Genshin on and off since it's release and there is certainly something interesting about being able to repeatable come back to a game that just always keeps evolving and expanding. I also have to say the story is quite... mediocre as you said, but it does get pretty good at some points, which always surprises me -- I am always like "wait isn't the story of this game usually just slop and thinly veiled fanservice?"
Also this is a bit embarrassing, but the character Venti being so glorious is what got me to first try cosplaying, and ultimately made me realise I like to be quite gender non-conforming.
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Comment on What have you been putting off/procrastinating about doing? in ~life
Basil Link ParentI feel you on the doctors. I somehow similarly built up a block around going to doctors basically since covid too, but I at least finally managed to go to the optometrist a few months ago (and...I feel you on the doctors. I somehow similarly built up a block around going to doctors basically since covid too, but I at least finally managed to go to the optometrist a few months ago (and found out that I needed a very different prescription compared to the one I had, so I saw super bad for years) and I also went to a dental hygienist. I was expecting both to kinda curse me out for how long I've been putting things off but in the end both were without problems. You can do it! And once you do do it you will feel much better that it's not weighing on your mind constantly.
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Comment on What have you been putting off/procrastinating about doing? in ~life
Basil LinkChanging my name. I want to do it for 4 years but despite being pretty much fully convinced that I want to do it I still didn't do it. I am mostly afraid of the social fallout. The paperwork will...Changing my name. I want to do it for 4 years but despite being pretty much fully convinced that I want to do it I still didn't do it.
I am mostly afraid of the social fallout. The paperwork will be annoying but I am now prepared for it. But I am just not looking forward to people being assholes about it so I keep putting it off. I am even ok if people will just ignore that it happened and will keep using my old name at places like my work. But I know that it will somehow spread at my work as gossip and it will result in people making fun of me, and also probably spreading some extra rumours about me, extrapolating, because who would just change their name for no reason.
I really do just need to force myself to do it though, there's never going to be a perfect time for me to do it and if I don't do it I'll just keep thinking about it and I'll keep being disappointed in myself that I am so scared of doing it just because of what other people might think. But it's hard for me to not give a shit.
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Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk
Basil Link ParentI’d say in general it’s kind of just allowing yourself to do whatever you want. For a lot of people that’s not difficult. For me, I am a super anxious person so I just never tried anything that I...I’d say in general it’s kind of just allowing yourself to do whatever you want. For a lot of people that’s not difficult. For me, I am a super anxious person so I just never tried anything that I thought wouldnt be viewed as normal.
I first allowed myself to explore my gender a bit somewhat accidentally thru cosplaying a very feminine character at a convention. I felt like it was a safe place to be “weird” so I was ok with it, but since that weekend I kinda realized how much I liked it, and since then have been much more gender nonconforming.
So basically if you already do everything you might want without being scared of shame that’s it.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2025) in ~health.mental
Basil LinkA few days ago I was reading some of my old diary entries and I saw one that said how I'd like to do some simple things. And how I will definitely change my name if I don't change my mind in a...A few days ago I was reading some of my old diary entries and I saw one that said how I'd like to do some simple things. And how I will definitely change my name if I don't change my mind in a year. It has now been 4 years since I wrote that. I still didn't do the simple things, and I also still didn't change my name. It felt so, so, so, so, so, so bad to realize that. What am I even doing with my life? It's like I intentionally want to be miserable just because I think way too much about what others think.
But at the same time I am somewhat hopeful. I started going to therapy a few weeks ago, the therapist I have seems super good, I already feel like I made some small progress with anxiety.
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Comment on The disturbing tweets blowing up Emilia Pérez’s Oscars campaign in ~movies
Basil LinkI watched this movie because I found it interesting that it simultaneously got so many Oscars nominations, but also was getting terrible ratings from actual watchers. I always find media like that...I watched this movie because I found it interesting that it simultaneously got so many Oscars nominations, but also was getting terrible ratings from actual watchers. I always find media like that that get hated by some but loved by others to have the most potential to be truly incredible or even life changing.
But sadly I found it to just be ... bad. I feel like I am the type of person that ends up liking almost every movie I watch, even though I don't really watch too many movies, but this one was just boring for me. I think a big part is that I probably don't like musicals much (although I did like some in the past), but even ignoring those parts I felt like it was pretty dumb. Also, the movie is about a trans person, but every trans person I talked to hated how they portrayed being trans in the movie, and the movie is about Mexico, but from what I heard everyone from Mexico also hates it. It felt like a B movie, but not in a good way? Maybe if it fully leaned into it and just decided to be a fully campy non serious comedy movie it would have been better, but right now it felt weirdly half-serious and trashy.
For comparison, I watched "I Saw the TV Glow" a week before, which got similar reception online, also getting some very mixed reviews but with a lot of people saying that it's amazing which interested me. It was a bit slow and strange, but I was ok with that and I have to say the "point" of that movie resonated with me very hard, even though I am not trans. It's a movie that could definitely be life changing for some. So I'd say if someone wants to try watching Emilia Pérez, watch the TV glow instead :D.
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Comment on A beskirted trip to IKEA in ~life.men
Basil LinkInteresting website I found, the author writes about what it is like to wear skirts as a man in public. I feel like it is a shame that there are so many types of clothing that society considers...Interesting website I found, the author writes about what it is like to wear skirts as a man in public. I feel like it is a shame that there are so many types of clothing that society considers unacceptable for men to wear.
Do you ever wear traditionally female clothes? If not, would you want to wear some clothing like that if it wasn't viewed as "abnormal" by society? I myself always felt like it's something that I wouldn't want, but now that I am thinking about trying to wear skirts in public I feel like it would ruin my relationships with so many people that I am scared to try.
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A beskirted trip to IKEA
21 votes -
Comment on Looking to hear experiences about Laser Facial Hair Removal in ~lgbt
Basil Link ParentThank you for the response (and also from everyone else who responded!). The constant shadow on my face does make me unhappy, so getting rid of that would be amazing. That does sound amazing.Thank you for the response (and also from everyone else who responded!). The constant shadow on my face does make me unhappy, so getting rid of that would be amazing. That does sound amazing.
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Looking to hear experiences about Laser Facial Hair Removal
I am a guy (I don't really feel as being very masculine at all, but also not feminine, and I do feel kinda close to the nonbinary community, but I just don't really care, so I just stick with the...
I am a guy (I don't really feel as being very masculine at all, but also not feminine, and I do feel kinda close to the nonbinary community, but I just don't really care, so I just stick with the default that was assigned to me to make things easy for me), but I don't really like my facial hair at all. Even when I do (what I think is) a pretty smooth shave in the morning it just ends up being ugly again by the evening. I'd much prefer to not have to deal with facial hair at all. So I was wondering if laser facial hair removal might be an option for me. I have dark hair and light skin, which from what I've read should be the combination on which it works the best.
I am a huge overthinker of everything, so I already did quite a bit of research myself, and thought about it for a number of weeks, but as with most things it's not easy to find a conclusive simple answer that it's good or bad. I've seen people say that it works amazing, others that it didn't do much, I've seen a lot of people say that it's not permanent, I've seen people say that it damaged/scarred their skin, I've even seen people say that it made them have more facial hair instead!
So I'd kind of like to hear if the people of Tildes have any experience with it. Did it work well for you? Do you still need to shave your face every day afterwards? Did it cause any issues?
24 votes -
Comment on Discussion about asexuality, demisexuality, and allosexuality in ~lgbt
Basil Link ParentThis is exactly what I would want in a relationship. In fact, after I first had sex, which helped me understand that I really am somewhere on the ace-spectrum. I described the experience to my...Intimacy also comes in many forms. I remember one novel I read in high school had the characters talk about potentially having sex, and the girl said her favorite part in the past was just lying together in bed afterwards. So, they just cuddled and quietly basked in each other's presences rather than have sex. That scene's stuck with me over the years; in retrospect it was my first exposure to the other forms of intimacy involved with sex and relationships in general. It sounds potentially a bit similar to what you're craving.
This is exactly what I would want in a relationship. In fact, after I first had sex, which helped me understand that I really am somewhere on the ace-spectrum. I described the experience to my friend as really enjoying the sleeping with someone part, but not really the sleeping with someone part (the sex part).
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Comment on Have you had a life-altering change in who you are? in ~talk
Basil LinkYes, it's not anything profound and I didn't have a single moment where this happened, but I changed greatly when I was about 18/19. I basically feel like I was a different person before then....Yes, it's not anything profound and I didn't have a single moment where this happened, but I changed greatly when I was about 18/19. I basically feel like I was a different person before then. Within about a year I figured out that I am gay (yet I was still very confused about this, because I am also asexual or something like that, honestly after so many years I sadly still don't really know), started growing out my hair, found my love for music, started to learn how to play guitar... I basically feel like I got a personality. Before that, I feel like I was just nothing really. I remember going to school, not really bullied, but also kind of an outcast. I was incredibly "generic", default clothes, default hairstyle, no hobbies besides playing games, friends who also did nothing besides playing games.
I am going to reminisce/word-vomit about realizing I am gay here now. Figuring out that I am gay was very difficult for me. Not due to any direct homophobia or anything, only because I didn't understand myself at all. I kind of wish I understood exactly how I came to understand, but I remember coming across various gay media, and at first just finding it to be a joke (people gay was basically just funny to me before that, a punchline, same as for all my peers), but over time I started to relate to it. I remember listening to Pansy Division, seeing gay visual novels, reading gay web comics, looking at gay memes and not really understanding them and so on. At some point I somehow accepted it.
I remember first meeting a guy I was chatting with on a local gay dating site. This wasn't Tindr, or Grindr or anything like that, but a local site that exists only in my country, that really was very much from the 2010s. It was summer and we both a free day. We went out on a short walk. And after some time we sat on a hill, and I very sheepishly somehow asked if I can touch his leg. It felt good to do it, even though it was nothing. After some time just sitting around, now not touching his leg out of embarrassment, there was a kindergarten class walking around us. I remember feeling a bit scared just that we were two men sitting so close to each other, but I also felt rebellious and free. Anyways, I went outside with this boy just once or twice again, before he decided he didn't really want to go out with me again. Sadly, I heard from a friend that he died recently. Man I feel sad again now.
Soon after (or somehow during?) that I came out to a few of my friends. I still remember the moment vividly. We were in a pub, and when I said it, I looked at my friend and she just grabbed her beer and drank, another friend just said something akin to "no, really?" and so on. I just didn't fit the mold of what my friends imagined as a gay guy. I honestly also felt like I didn't fit it. I was still on dating sites though. At some point I had my first "sexual" experience, meeting a guy who was actually from Brazil. Over two meetings nothing too big really even happened, but I realized that I enjoyed spending time with him, but that I didn't really like the sex. It felt great to sleep with another man in bed, but it didn't feel so good to sleep with a man. I kind of knew that I might be somehow asexual or something, but that confirmed it more to me.
Despite that I kept being on dating sites, and going out with basically anyone who agreed to. I met so many people, I met basically every gay guy around my age who didn't just want to hook up in my city, and no one really wanted to keep talking to me mostly after exactly meeting me once. I realized that I have to be the problem. You know -- if you run into idiots every day, you're probably the actual idiot -- I realized it was probably the same with me. I either had/have a terrible personality no one wants to deal with, or I am ugly, or they realized my vibes were off from not wanting to have sex, even though at the beginning I didn't advertise that anywhere. That sounds very self degrading, and I just want to say that I don't think I have self image issues, I am just not boyfriend material I guess. Over time being rejected so much, and so single made me sad, and I later mostly given up on dating sites, as they seemed to not be actually useful, even though I longed and still long for companionship.
Of course from all the people I met I also met some cool people. It wasn't all bad. A few of them I actually met multiple times. There were some cool experiences. Once, one boy even attempted to kiss me, but I just was so awkward that it probably put him off. I gained new friends, most of which I later lost again, but I still frequently talk with one friend for example, even after around 5 years.
Today, I still feel like I don't really fit it. I still have a lot of doubts about being gay even now, I feel kind of like an imposter, because I don't have any desire for one night stands which is what most people on dating sites feel like (I know it's not everyone). Or really any desire for sex honestly, and sex seems like a huge part of the gay community on the internet. This is now quite off topic from the original things I was writing about though... Apologies, I didn't expect that I'll write down my life story here...
Circling back, I sometimes say to my friends that I don't relate with myself before that time at all. Which none of my friends relate with. Still I feel like something like this is probably pretty common. But, that is also I am also still the same person, for example I kept my love for videogames, and I started to learn how to program before that time too and I am still just the same human being with mostly the same body and so on. I guess I'll just stop writing things here. Thanks for reading.
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Comment on What do you do when you feel like nothing? in ~talk
Basil (edited )Link ParentYeah I think this is kind of what's my problem. I had a long term creative project which I was super passionate about, which I would use basically all my free time on previously. I'd come home...Yeah I think this is kind of what's my problem. I had a long term creative project which I was super passionate about, which I would use basically all my free time on previously. I'd come home from work and go work on it. I also was really into a new game basically the whole last month. Now that the project is done and the novelty of the game wore off, I just feel a bit purposeless and lonely. I do feel like I am wasting my time, I did feel a bit guilty also that I spent basically the whole winter holidays just playing games, but it's not really that much of a problem for me usually. I wasted a ton of time playing games in the past already haha.
Listening to music and doing nothing is definitely not a problem, most of the time I really enjoy spending an evening like that. I just did a bit too much nothing, I think. Or maybe better described, I wish I was wasting time better and more efficiently... or something, that sounds really dumb typing it out now. Music is still great though -- at least not doing anything makes it easier to focus on it and appreciate it even more.
(also thanks everyone for the replies! I read everything you all wrote, it means a lot! I also did what @Oslypsis said and went and cooked myself fancier dinner than I usually do, which also felt really nice!)
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What do you do when you feel like nothing?
Don't really know the best way to describe this. But I bet people do know the feeling. It's Sunday, all my chores are out of the way, and I have time to do anything, but instead I find myself not...
Don't really know the best way to describe this. But I bet people do know the feeling.
It's Sunday, all my chores are out of the way, and I have time to do anything, but instead I find myself not being able to decide what I want to do. I am turning on various games, looking at the title screen for a bit than turning them off again. I pick up my guitar, mess around for a few minutes then put it down again. I think about a creative project I could start, but then decide to not when I imagine how much effort it would take. Then I go back to scrolling various websites, not really interested in anything, cause it's all the same all the time. The weather is way too cold and ugly for me to go outside, so I just don't know what to do. The only nice thing is that I am listening to music in the mean time...
47 votes -
Comment on Anyone else feel/used to feel that they will be alone both platonically and romantically, forever? in ~talk
Basil LinkI feel the same, but I try to still remain hopeful. I just feel like with every year the chances go down. Basically everyone I know already went through a relationship(s), while I never did. I was...I feel the same, but I try to still remain hopeful. I just feel like with every year the chances go down. Basically everyone I know already went through a relationship(s), while I never did. I was on so many dates, but nothing ever came out of them. I am not trying so hard any more, and now I go on about one or two dates a year. I am kind of picky now, as I (probably incorrectly) assume that it would be pointless to even try with some people. Some years ago I would go on a date with basically everyone.
I do think I am now more mature and ready for a relationship than for example five years ago. So just stay hopeful, maybe someone will show up when I least expect it, like everyone always says.
I agree.
The question is though, how do you actually do that? If someone for example says something that I think is false, and I can show some data that proves that it is false, how do I go about showing that without it turning into a debate?