Basil's recent activity

  1. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2021) in ~talk

    Basil
    Link Parent
    Yeah, I've been going outside :), especially with the weather being so nice. When I wrote the post I just had a bad night where I couldn't fall asleep for hours. I definitely go to sleep way too...

    Yeah, I've been going outside :), especially with the weather being so nice.

    When I wrote the post I just had a bad night where I couldn't fall asleep for hours. I definitely go to sleep way too late most days, but I am mostly ok with that. It's just the rare night like the one I had - full of anxiety, unable to fall asleep - that I hate.

    2 votes
  2. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2021) in ~talk

    Basil
    Link
    I feel either empty, irritated, sometimes kind of happy when distracted by my friends. My sleep schedule is a total mess. Each day is the same. The days are passing by really fast because of that....

    I feel either empty, irritated, sometimes kind of happy when distracted by my friends. My sleep schedule is a total mess. Each day is the same. The days are passing by really fast because of that. Well, maybe if the future is bright, I'll get to the future pretty quickly?

    At least the weather was pretty nice for the past week.

    11 votes
  3. Comment on What did you do this week? in ~talk

    Basil
    Link
    Spring has finally arrived where I am so I've went on a few amazing walks. Just walking around the forest with basically no one around is so nice. I am looking forward to going outside even more...

    Spring has finally arrived where I am so I've went on a few amazing walks. Just walking around the forest with basically no one around is so nice. I am looking forward to going outside even more while the weather is nice. Actually, the weather is probably going to stay quite nice, and only going to get nicer - the seasons changing is such a mundane, but also such an incredible thing. Also, randomly I decided to read The Picture of Dorian Gray, after not reading a "real" book for a few years and read it in two days. It was a pretty good read.

    For like two weeks I felt pretty motivated and did a lot of productive work, sadly most of that motivation is gone now. I am still doing what I need to do. I just waste so much of my time procrastinating, which sucks. Time also seems to be flying at an incredible rate, the weeks just disappear.

    1 vote
  4. Comment on Thoughts on moving out in ~talk

    Basil
    Link Parent
    Thank you for your response! I was already living with my family out of convenience, all the food and basically everything is free for me, my parents don't even want me to pay them any rent, even...

    Thank you for your response!

    Not sure if you're living with your family out of convenience or the pandemic, but I was forced back home because of the latter and old patterns have started to come up again that are affecting my mental health in some big ways. So I totally get wanting to move out.

    I was already living with my family out of convenience, all the food and basically everything is free for me, my parents don't even want me to pay them any rent, even though I have offered. Having this made it very hard for me to move out, as I would be giving up this much money on rent and food and stuff and also some convenience.

    Also very supportive if you want to try having people call you something else. It was something I considered when moving from high school to college, since I had a rough time in high school and was sort of dreaming of reinventing myself (perhaps a bit like you're thinking, actually).

    I've been thinking about how much I have changed since the time I was finishing high school. Marking the quite different "now" me from the "past" me would be pretty nice. But mostly I just feel like I'd like a different name more. As I said, I don't hate my name, well I quite dislike the official version of my name, but the version by which everyone calls me for my whole life I am ok with. If changing names was effortless I would have definitely have done it by now. I wonder how many people would. This is kind of weird but I already have a (admittedly less close) friend group where basically no one knows my real name and calls me by a random name I picked when I first met them. Also, I wonder how common this is, but so often I see a character in fiction/non-fiction media with a uncommon name I like and think to myself how cool the name is, and wish I had a bit of a more uncommon name. There are so many cool names, yet everyone keeps picking the same ones for their kids!

    Have you tried talking with any of your friends or family about it? Not sure how close you are with them or if they'd be supportive of you.

    I didn't talk about this with my family at all, because I am not very close to them now. I'd really like to change that, but only when I get independent from them. I talked about moving out a lot with my friends already, not really about studying abroad though. I also talked to them about not liking my name and randomly mentioned names I liked and stuff like that for a long time too, so it probably wouldn't be that much of a surprise to them, but I never talked about actually changing it. I even mentioned not liking my name to my Mom a few times a long time ago, and I am pretty sure she told me that I can change it haha.

    2 votes
  5. Comment on Thoughts on moving out in ~talk

    Basil
    Link Parent
    Thank you so much for your response and thank you for the encouragement. I am kind of unhappy with my life - with how stuck (?) I am. Shaking things up while I am a young, as you aptly said broke...

    Thank you so much for your response and thank you for the encouragement. I am kind of unhappy with my life - with how stuck (?) I am. Shaking things up while I am a young, as you aptly said broke 20-something, and not really tied down might be just what I need.

    This also really motivated me, because it sounds very much like what I would very likely actually do haha.

    Even if you spend a bunch of time at home on the computer, your day-to-day experiences will still be fun and meaningful when you look back later in life.

    1 vote
  6. Comment on Thoughts on moving out in ~talk

    Basil
    Link Parent
    Yeah I think that's a good way to look at it. Thank you, I might take you up on your offer in the future!

    Yeah I think that's a good way to look at it. Thank you, I might take you up on your offer in the future!

    1 vote
  7. Thoughts on moving out

    So recently I've been kind of hating big parts of where I am in life, most of all where I live. I am still living with my family, and while they are all good people, our place isn't the biggest so...

    So recently I've been kind of hating big parts of where I am in life, most of all where I live. I am still living with my family, and while they are all good people, our place isn't the biggest so there isn't too much privacy most of the day. So over the years I have basically started to quietly resent everyone in this house, which got exacerbated over the quarantine (and even much more when we were all stuck at home for 14 days when we got the corona and were in isolation).

    I've been thinking that basically the only way to make sure I don't go fully insane is to finally move out. Also, I don't really want to admit it to myself, but I am not very independent, and I feel like I really need to change that. This year I will be finishing my Bachelor's degree, so that seems like the perfect time I would like to aim for. The problem is that after I am done with the degree I want to continue by doing a Masters in the same place. The obvious easy solution is to just rent some place with roommates I'd have to find, which is probably what I'll try to do.

    But I have also been engaging in a lot of fantasizing - escapist thoughts involving doing my Masters in a different country. I was already thinking about this a bit before starting my Bachelor's degree, but I ultimately decided not to, which might have been a good call as I was definitely even more of a baby back then. But now, as I have another opportunity I have again been thinking about this a lot.

    I am from the EU, so I could study in any other EU country for free. Mostly I've been thinking about Finland, or other Scandinavian countries (maybe kind of cliche?). It would definitely be really hard though, and I am not sure am I strong enough to do this. As I said I am kind of a not very independent wuss, so I am kind of scared if I could survive by myself in a different country with basically no one I could fall back on. Finding a place to live would also probably be quite hard and I would very likely need to find a part time job there, because even though I spent almost 2 years saving up money at a part time job, the countries I am looking at are more expensive than mine so my savings wouldn't most likely be enough. Hopefully there would be some student dormitories available that would be quite cheap? I don't really care too much about how prestigious my university is, but it could also be nice that I could choose a better rated one somewhere.

    I hope I wouldn't lose my current best friends. I probably have some very overblown expectations about this though. I always dream how I would meet some new cool friends, maybe even find a relationship. I am quite an anxious person, especially socially anxious which I'd also hope I would have to overcome a bit. But I probably wouldn't magically become more extroverted, and less anxious. I might even just be unable to make any friends there, but I'd hope that I would be kind of forced to make some and get out of my shell so to speak. Suddenly having to do everything by myself, while having a job, in a foreign country might be too much though.

    Also another random thing that I would like about this is I would kind of like to change my name at the same time and I am fantasizing that it would work out nicely. I don't dislike my name too much, but I feel like I would like a different one much more, and that it would kind of help me become myself more or something? I don't really want to change my name legally, I am more thinking that I would just start telling people that my name is <name I like more>, so it would kind of be more like a nickname. Yeah, writing that out I should probably try telling some friends to just start calling me by the name, even though I feel like they would just be like why and cringe a bit.

    I know I am probably fantasizing about studying abroad too much, and that it wouldn't be that great, studying abroad most likely wouldn't help me find a relationship or anything, but I'd think it would definitely force me to become more independent. I feel like I am once again coming up on quite a big decision in my life and I am still not really sure how to proceed. Did anyone here study abroad, for the whole degree, or even as an exchange student - Erasmus or similar stuff? Any other thoughts would be appreciated too. Thank you for reading, I hope my writing isn't too much of a messy stream of thoughts.

    Edit: Thanks to everyone for your responses, you are all so nice, uplifting and motivating <3. I will definitely be seriously researching much more about studying abroad, and while I can't guarantee I'll go forward with this plan, I'll try working towards it for now. I still have almost 2 months to decide, and if I decide to go ahead with it, it would still be at least a year away. But I promise to you guys, that I will at least move out of my parents house for my sanity, one way or another.

    21 votes
  8. Comment on What did you do this week? in ~talk

    Basil
    Link
    Not much, but my corona isolation period has ended so I was finally able to get some fresh air this week by going on some walks. You really do miss the things that you can't do the most. I had the...

    Not much, but my corona isolation period has ended so I was finally able to get some fresh air this week by going on some walks. You really do miss the things that you can't do the most. I had the mildest corona experience around so that's nice and at least I needn't worry about that for half a year or how long the immunity lasts.

    4 votes
  9. Comment on What did you do this week? in ~talk

    Basil
    Link Parent
    Yeah, almost guaranteed that one of the people I live with got it at work, they got sick a few days earlier than everyone else. Also kind of annoying because quite a big part of their job could be...

    Yeah, almost guaranteed that one of the people I live with got it at work, they got sick a few days earlier than everyone else. Also kind of annoying because quite a big part of their job could be done from home.

    3 votes
  10. Comment on What did you do this week? in ~talk

    Basil
    Link
    I got the corona so that sucks. After basically not seeing any people, not really leaving the house for a whole year it kind of just makes me angry, but what can you do... I've just got bit of a...

    I got the corona so that sucks. After basically not seeing any people, not really leaving the house for a whole year it kind of just makes me angry, but what can you do... I've just got bit of a headache and that's it and all my loved ones seem to be doing fine too so far, but I still have so much anxiety about this. I already think about death often enough. I hope no one dares to die. And I don't even want to think about the long term health risks associated with this bs.

    5 votes
  11. Comment on How's your hair? in ~talk

    Basil
    Link
    When I was around 19 I somehow awakened a personality in myself and decided I like having long hair. So since then I have long hair. I shortened it by a bit a few times, but never got it shorter...

    When I was around 19 I somehow awakened a personality in myself and decided I like having long hair. So since then I have long hair. I shortened it by a bit a few times, but never got it shorter than chin length (is that a description of length that makes sense?). Actually, going bald is a thing I fear quite a bit. Yeah I know it's kind of stupid and shallow, but I really like my hair. It kind of feels like a quite important part of me now. So I am hoping I'll be lucky enough to not go bald for quite some time, or ever.

    Since the quarantine started I didn't get it cut at all, so for more than a year now, I think my hair probably isn't even the longest it has ever been yet. I love men with long hair, so more men with long hair is a positive for me.

    3 votes
  12. Comment on What did you do this weekend? in ~talk

    Basil
    Link
    Went on a nice long walk on Saturday. After that a lot of snow came and is still supposed to come. My sleep schedule is all messed up now, going to sleep at like 2:30 am every day. Also, my...

    Went on a nice long walk on Saturday. After that a lot of snow came and is still supposed to come. My sleep schedule is all messed up now, going to sleep at like 2:30 am every day. Also, my friends are busy with stuff so every evening instead of playing video games with them I just spend time scrolling through Reddit, Twitter, watching Youtube, just wasting time. Maybe sometimes getting some work done if I feel like it, but it always feels weird to work on stuff late at night, even though I can be pretty productive even at this time. But god, I feel so so lonely without at least this socialization that I kind of started to take for granted.

    3 votes