LGBT introductions thread: What's your story?

I am a bisexual man who used to be a woman. What I used to be no longer inconvenience me, so I don't talk about it much. I work as a software engineer for a defense contractor at a moderately conservative workplace. I don't think I will see any of my extended family that are in China ever again. They don't know, and it's better for everyone that way.

I'm a bi, trans woman. Currently engaged to the love of my life who sadly lives thousands of miles away, but we make it work and will likely be getting married within the next year.

Sexuality for me has always kinda just been one of those things I kinda knew once puberty set in. I found myself falling for girls whilst equally eyeing up guys. If I have to be honest I guess I find guys, gals and folks in between sexually attractive, but for romantic attraction I've found that there needs to be some femme element, something I found out the hard way with my attempts at dating guys.

As for my gender it was always a bit more subtle, I never did the whole trying on girls clothing and stuff as a child or a teenager, I kind of suppressed open expression of my feminine side. I was teased for being feminine already, last thing I needed was to give them more reasons.

No, instead I'd daydream about crazy situations where the whole world was gender swapped, or like maybe I'd go to sleep and wake up to suddenly find that I was a girl. I'd pray to a god I didn't believe in (my family are all atheist/agnostic, myself included), that maybe some greater power could make me a girl, just for a day so I could see what it was like.

I was dumb though, I assumed everyone had these feelings, I had myself convinced it was just simple curiosity.

I was lucky to go to a school that had a very thorough and comprehensive sex ed programme. They even covered trans people and transitioning. But the explanation was always very simple: "trans people are men or women who were born in the wrong body", that simple.

But for me, I didn't "know" I was a woman "born in the wrong body", I was just me. Sure I had these daydreams and feelings, but that didn't make me a girl, or so I thought.

These things continued and I struggled with depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. Constantly pushed and pulled in all directions by this underlying ennui. I hated myself, hated who I was but never could quite accurately put in words why.

A few years later a friend comes out to me as trans, I brushed her off initially, assuming it was a joke or something to mess with me, but no, she was serious. She shared her experiences with me, her feelings, her life and I took it upon myself to learn more, to look into the trans community and find how I could best support her.

We started dating briefly, only a few months, but I learned a lot about the trans experience. How she got there, how she knew. And while it didn't quite hit me yet, the pieces were very slowly falling in place for me.

We broke up but she remained my best friend, the cogs kept slowly turning and I started letting my feminine side out more, and I found that it made me happier, the self loathing was dulled. I started to realise that I had wanted to be a girl this whole time, that it's who I am, and everything just kinda felt right.

I came out to my best friend in early-mid 2018. Saw the doctor about my dysphoria in October, flew out to spend time with my friend in November.

I started my hormones in spring last year, things have been slow, had to try a few different methods but things are finally working there.

My best friend and I will have been dating for five years come this November. And with her I will finally be able to live as myself and love myself, just as she loves me.

Apologies for the long form, and the flowery language. This is the first time I think I've ever really committed this to writing and I kinda just went with the flow.

I'm a pansexual woman, but it took me a good long while to figure that out. I grew up in the 90s and went to a bunch of Christian schools, so, not exactly the environment to learn about the nuances of the queer umbrella. I knew gay people existed, but I also knew I liked men, so that obviously meant I wasn't gay and was therefore straight, right? I'm definitely not having crushes on these women or anything, I just think they're really cool and really pretty and sorry what were we talking about again?

Anyway, when I finally put the pieces together in my 20s, for the next while there I identified as bisexual with a preference for women. That one also took a while to untangle, but in the end it came down to patriarchy nonsense. What I had mistaken for a preference for women was actually a preference for "people I feel comfortable/safe around", and in the world of anonymous online dating, that usually gave most women a pretty big edge.

The final nail in that "oh, no, I'm definitely actually pansexual" coffin was when the person I had been dating for a while (now my spouse) realized they were genderqueer instead of cis. One of my best friends approached me carefully in private one day to check in on me, and see "how I was doing" with their transition, and if I foresaw the relationship continuing through it - and I was just genuinely completely baffled. I mean, of course, why wouldn't it, right? Why would something as silly as gender impact how attractive I find someone in any capacity? Well, my friend is bi and also attracted to all genders, but she explained that for her it absolutely would matter, since she's attracted to different kinds of qualities in men vs women vs nonbinary people. Whereas for me, I just kinda think humans are pretty neat.

I'm a trans lesbian. I thought I was bisexual for the longest time as my earliest experiences were with men (I was like, 8) but once the pieces clicked that I felt the happiest as a woman - I realized that I just craved the validation of being seen as one.

After that my life took a turn. Parents didn't like me being trans one bit, despite how much good it did for me (I finally had the drive to go back to school, work on myself and future). Thankfully I was already an adult, so I got a full-time job building pc's and moved out. It's been hard but that freedom to live my truth has enabled me to do more than I ever thought I could.

I'm now an IT tech and in a polyamorous relationship with a few other transbians, and I've never felt happier!

I also hesitate to label myself. I usually just say i go whichever. It doesn't matter to me.

My issue is that I'm a full grown adult now, but I've never been in a relationship or felt love for any human being.

Growing up, a lot of people thought I was gay. And I resented that because being gay was bad.
They would ask me questions like how do you know you're straight? You've never been with anyone.

My mother was worried enough that she straight up asked me if I was gay. I was in my teens.

I guess it was obvious to everyone else but me. I tried really hard to quash any mention of it and act like normal people.

But when I went to art school and made friends with more open and queer people, I accepted myself more and was more open to the idea that I liked similarly gendered people. Especially since they've shown that it wasn't a bad thing at all.

But then I started saying like yea I could be maybe kinda gay. Then people would ask, but you've never been into anyone. How do you know you're gay?

I guess I acted straight too well now, people didn't believe me.

Then I got frustrated because apparently I couldn't be anything. And then people started suggesting that I was maybe asexual because I showed no interest in wanting to pair up.

But I'm really not asexual. I have felt sexual attraction for people. I do have sexual fantasies for different genders.

I've just never connected enough with another human being romantically to have a relationship. And for the longest time, I didn't feel lonely and didn't care for it. I try the apps now, but I'm pretty half hearted because I'm not eager for it.

So I just don't ever label myself and just allude to it. I'll talk about whoever is hot and who I'm into at the moment regardless of gender. If I've been on a date with someone of a similar gender, I just mention it like it's no big deal within conversation if it's within context.

I tried to kind of come out to a gay friend recently by labelling myself but it just felt wrong and like I was lying to him.

I really feel like I shouldn't be part of it because I don't know. I don't have proof of anything and most of the time I don't think too much of my own sexuality. I'm not that interested.

I just feel like an imposter really.

It also doesn't help that when the last time I went on a date, they asked me what the queer community was like in my area. I awkwardly told them I had no idea. I've not really felt the need to join in. I'm into the local art community, and there's lots of queer people there to bond with.

Queer people have also been marginalised and gone through so much shit, I don't want to diminish that with my nothingness. My life is very easy in comparison.

It's the same thing with my gender identity. I had a whole crisis about it growing up, but then I kind of formed my own worldview and am okay with it. I don't want to label my gender either. I'm just me.

So I subscribe to sexuality being a spectrum. People like what they like.

here's the long and short of it (I'm achillean + gender questioning):

I started questioning my sexuality as I went into secondary. repressed it for years as I learnt that my peers were insanely queerphobic. came out to my parents in Year 10 after bunking off school a few times because of the stress of playing along with awful queerphobic shit every single day. got together with my oldest mate at the start of Year 11, which was amazing for the first few months but became more distant after we told our parents. joined a queer youth group around this time, which has been really good for me. he left me fairly abruptly in April, haven't really spoken to him since then. I miss him sometimes.

I'm getting over him though, slowly but surely. not like I haven't got things to distract me -- I'm going to a very accepting performing arts school in September and have eleven weeks of pride events and trips with my mates coming up (including a week's residential in Wales and seeing Pulp at the Apollo! I'm so fucking excited haha). it'll be nice to build new friendships at college and strengthen ones with mates I already have.

so.. yeah, that's basically it.

Back in middle school, after plenty of sort of pretending I was on the giiirls side in dumb kindergarten playground war things, I realized there were people who changed what they were. I looked it up, learned that these people had psychologists approve of changing genders, thought I could never pass that test, and repressed it deep deep down. Kept trying to accept that I wasn't transgender """enough""". Four years ago I gave up on that.

I don't really know what word works best, non-binary or genderfluid. People say they always knew they weren't their gender or knew they were something - I've never known any of it. I don't really volunteer info in meatspace; some friends and family and thankfully my accepting wife know but I haven't worked up the courage or opportunity to tell my parents. I just don't know what it would do for me to "transition" (to what?) or to present less masculine except invite hate and judgement. It's father's day and I'm feeling odd about the well wishes, but I suppose it's the role I play - and I don't feel too weird about that. Shit's weird, shit's good to accept, shit's dangerous.

Hope my son grows up in a better world for all of this.

Without getting too much into the details -- first I thought I was gay. Then I tried to be straight to see if maybe I wasn't gay? Then I thought, no, definitely gay. Then met my current spouse (then, just a friend) and realized, ooh, wait, what if I'm actually bisexual? And then we got married and I became OK with being bisexual. :)

It was a bit of a rocky road, rockier than realizing "ooh wait I'm non-binary, OK, cool, cool cool cool". But even if I realize down the road, "wait, this other label feels better to me" then I'm OK with that. I love my spouse and they are cool with however I am.

Hi, I'm straight, but haven't had any desire for sex or relationships for a long time. I think I may have burnt out in my early 20's. I had one serious relationship, followed by some months of nothing, then a few years of short term relationships. I just focus on passions now. I pondered the idea that I might be gay, wondering where my libido went, but that's not it. I think I'm all sexed out lol. I'm not sure if I'm just stubborn about wanting both a relationship and sex together, and rejecting it if it's only one, or if I just reject it because I'm just not that interested in that anymore.

I often feel like I should have realized I was aromantic asexual earlier than I actually did, given that I on a few occasions I even followed other asexual youtubers without realizing this. When I actually did realize was sort of a bombshell moment for me, and started with a certain story-time animator coming out as such. It explained something that I had long thought was "missing" for me, as I previously didn't realize "oh hey, sexual attraction and even romantic attraction are things that actually exist. I am extremely happy I made this discovery.

I've also recently come to wonder if I am (at least partially) nonbinary, but I'm pretty iffy about it.

Hi, I am cis and chosing to go by bisexual but technically also qualify as pan.

Owning those labels has been and still is a bit of a struggle. Most people hear bi and think men and women. I have had a crush on women, and some experiences with one person I perceived as a woman at the time. But, the vast majority of my strong feelings and crushes have been with men and non binary folk. I have only had two serious longer term relationships, one with my ex who is non binary, and one with my now husband, who is a cisgender man.

I often get the feeling I can't truly claim that label, especially because I now outwardly appear as the token straight lady. I don't tend to go to LGBT events any more because of that, even tho I have experienced legit attraction to more than one gender. It just sometimes feels that just because I haven't had sex with a woman, it doesn't count.

I am a cis bi/pan woman. I'm married to a trans woman that I am totally enamored with and talk about a lot.

I grew up in the southern US, and even though I was making out with most of the girls I hung out with in HS, i casually dated guys and never came out. I took another girl to prom, so i sort of assumed my parents knew, i guess?

My twenties were difficult. Some sleeping in a car, some bad relationships. Some bad habits and poor coping strategies developed.

I moved to another state and met someone at work. He was whip smart, adorably nerdy & deeply distrustful of authority. In a world of stripes, i finally found someone else with spots- and the spots matched mine!!!

We got married a few years later, but something wasn't quite right. We were devoted to each other, but we were fucking terrible at being husband and wife. Being terrible at an abstract concept is weird but its the best i can explain it.

We then had the Year of Change. My spouse came out to me, and a couple months into processing that, I had a life threatening medical event. While recovering, my parent passed away suddenly. I lost my job, then another relative passed.

Let me tell you, trying to come out with your spouse while your family grieves two people fucking sucks. Misunderstandings and tears abound.

Over this time i also quit some vices & started exercising, so I'm 50lbs leaner and somewhat better looking than I was. My wife took to hormones amazingly well, she's always been sexy but she's a stone cold fox now.

We combined homes with my now single parent, and I'm trying to figure out who I am now and who will employ me. I feel lightyears different from the person that knew how to sell myself in a job interview. I blasted through any grant money for education in my 20s, and here i am. I'm so much happier queer. SO much. But I don't know who i am in so many was right now.

I do know that everything and more was worth it to see my beautiful wife her real, happy self. Anything and everything is worth that.

I had a weird experience with my gender where I knew that I wanted to be a woman since I was a child, but the prospect seemed so impossible I just shrugged and moved on. When I learned that trans women exist, this kind of broke my world view, and I remember distinctly rebelling against the idea that I'm trans and trying to push it down telling myself it's just a phase. I came very close to coming out of the closet, even telling my friendgroup about my dysphoria, but I never pursued it seriously. I'd been bisexual since I was fourteen without making too much of a fuss about it, but being trans was so much scarier.

When I turned eighteen I figured I may as well put my masculinity to the test and tried to embrace that side of myself - I won't elaborate here for privacy reasons, but safe to say the more I attempted to become masculine the more I hated my body. It became clear that hiding this wasn't going to help when I started flirting with the void. Throughout my entire teenage life I was depressed without realizing it, figuring that I was just faking my depression and making a big deal out of nothing. Everyone around me assured me that I'm a good kid and I have nothing to worry about, but that only intensified the imposter syndrome.

I went to private therapy and told my psychologist that, though I am willing to accept being trans, I want to be sure that I'm not using it as an "excuse". It terrified me that I might have just assigned dysphoria all of my issues and was now chasing it in a desperate attempt to fix myself. Luckily, after a few months of deliberation and experimentation, it became clearer and clearer that this was who I wanted to be. I consider myself extremely lucky for many reasons, but the chief among them is how easily I got treatment and started HRT. There are a lot of times when I feel a sort of survivor's guilt, as by all accounts I'd hit the jackpot in that regard with good doctors at every turn, whereas I personally know people waiting for years.

I'm now six-ish months into treatment. Things are much better and I'm actually beginning to pass. Still heavily self-medicating with cannabis, and recently started Ritalin in an attempt to actually get my life together. I'd essentially been in a computer-games-based coma for my entire teenage life, having little to no regards to the people around me because of how little I cared for life. I didn't even consider what I'd do after school. It's going to be a little tough to dig myself out of my hole but, I at least have a steady job doing what I like in an industry that probably isn't going anywhere.

@SonoranDesertRat said something that I really resonated with,

However, as I've aged [...] I find I simply have an attraction, be it intimate or otherwise, to humans in general.

I've always been attracted to the human body, no matter its gender, orientation, or whatever. Of course I still have my tastes, and sometimes I could even be described as shallow depending on the conversation. This is a little too abstract to truly put to words, but I essentially see people with "scales" of different kinds of attractiveness, and kind of sub-categorize people based on aesthetics and vibes (for lack of better terms). My relationships are a little weird because, beyond my family, I'm sort of attracted to everyone including my platonic friends - my theory is that for me, because it's difficult to form a connection, when I finally do form it I inevitably start appreciating the other person.

I feel like I can write a lot more, but honestly, there's a limit to how much I can stand talking about myself. This is already WAY outside my comfort zone but, I figure I should be a little more open with the world around me.

Hey, I'm an asexual woman. I got lucky and figured out I was ace in high school, so I never went through the agonizing some people do. There are so many horror stories about people only realizing after they're married, and feeling like they've been lying forever. So I try to spread a lot of awareness about it.

I'm on the sex-repulsed side, but not as bad as some as I can just skim/skip through fiction with such scenes. (And I do have some fetishes apparently, so go figure.) At this point, I admittedly view some people's obsession with sex as pretty silly and amusing.

Now, that said, I have no clue what my romantic orientation is. I'm leaning towards aromantic, or maybe homoromantic, or panromantic... Yeah, that clears up nothing. I get attracted to fictional characters, but I usually find male characters more attractive than female. In real life though I feel like I prefer women over men, but that could also just be a platonic crush where I want more female friends since my friend group is majority-male. And I don't really like the super-close touch from cuddling or having an arm over your shoulder, or kissing. So, yeah. No clue XD

Also, to users who are cis/straight and are still subscribed to ~lgbt, you're welcome here too. We love our allies!

I'd just like to start by saying how much I appreciate this. As a bisexual(-ish) person, even knowing that a lot of the "hostility" I've seen directed at cishet people is in jest, it's something that's just never sat well with me. I'm a very sensitive person, and I can't help but project that onto others as well, so even if a lot of it is "punching up" as such, I've just never been able to get on board with that kind of humour.

On that note, hiya. Genderfluid/nonbinary (DMAB) bisexual person here. Well, that's a pretty simple way to put it, so that's what I default to - it'd probably be more accurate to say I'm ace and panromantic. I just don't feel much in the way of sexual attraction in real life (so far, at least; I'm 26 and a shut-in who lives with my parents due to mental health/trauma reasons) but I'm a hopeless romantic. I am a degenerate furry, though, so make of that what you will. Sorry. :P
I'm not really sure when I realized it - it was never something I really thought about that much while I was in middle school, or even after I dropped out - I'd had my fair share of crushes on girls at the time - but I didn't know what to call it for a while. I'd never really considered the idea that someone could be attracted to men and women before, but Doctor Who - particularly the character of Jack - finally made things click for me. (I know, I know, it's a little silly, sorry :P)

I'm also inclined to call myself genderfluid, though I'm a bit hesitant to say much more than that or really commit to it - while some of my more masculine traits really, really bother me (particularly my facial hair) and I tend to refer to myself with they/them, they rarely bother me enough that I'd seriously consider HRT to alleviate them (maybe something for the facial hair, but that's likely at least partly due to sensory processing issues making me hate how it feels), and I don't mind being referred to by he/him.
Again, I'm not really sure when I started wondering about this kind of stuff - I just flat didn't know what "trans" really meant for a long time. Even after learning, it wasn't something I really thought about that much, from what I recall (my memory's not great) - but at some point, I just sorta... realized that I think of myself/want to be thought of as more androgynous than I do masculine or feminine. Is that being genderfluid or nonbinary, or just a matter of expression? I don't knooooow. I feel like it's a bit more than just self-expression, but I also don't want to downplay the kind of struggles trans people go through without being sure if it really applies to me.

Also, on a final, personal note:

Also, a note to new users: a few years ago we had a vote to determine whether we should change the name of the group from ~lgbt to something else like ~lgbtq or ~queer. The vote came out in favor of keeping it as ~lgbt...

I know it's the catch-all term people use these days, but the use of "queer" as an umbrella term is something I really, really don't like. "Reclaimed" or not, it's still very much a slur to me and a lot of other people. I'm hardly going to tell people what they can or can't call themselves - if that's the label they feel describes them, that's great, and I'm all for it - but the casual insistence on its use as the term for "anyone who's not cishet" has gone a long way in making me want to distance myself from LGBT groups and the like, which sucks. It's a little selfish, I'll admit, but the fact that this group's stuck with ~lgbt instead... I have to say that I appreciate that, personally.

Hello, all, and be welcome with any consensual sexuality, gender Identity, and romantic status you feel at home in!

I'm delighted (and terrified) that we're loving and living in a time where we have descriptive terminology, research, medicine, and (at least some) social/legislative/religious acceptance so that we can be who we actually are.

Bin me as AFAB, but with a genetic condition that's marginally intersex. I like pretty much every stripe on the rainbow, but wound up partnering with an AMAB who's got his own tricky hormonal gender thing (mild androgen insensitivity) going on.

I grew up in a time where I confused or infuriated my parents and baffled my doctors. I drew scorn, outrage and punishment from society at large for being a tomboy queer. My mother put me through hell because she wanted a proper daughter. She took me to doctor after doctor, demanding hormone treatments because she was convinced I had to be sick, that her muscular, hairy girl was unnatural. I left home at 16 and barely spoke to her for years. My dad never said a word about it, never treated me with anything but respect and affection. I think he was kind of relieved that we had so much in common.

I hated wearing dresses, stole clothes from my dad's closet, and didn't particularly bother to hide that I liked using tools, was good at science and math, and thought girls were as sexy as boys. But I also liked colors, poetry, handicrafts, cooking... so none of the classically prescribed gender roles were much of a fit. Nor was the lesbian community at the time very welcoming to a "butch" who also liked men and porn. [We're talking 1980's here, with the separatists, proto-TERFs, anti-porn warriors, and genuine misandrists ascendant.]

I'm not sure there's any way to avoid internalizing some of that hate and fear. I wasn't lonely for lack of sexual partners, but felt very alienated from my body. For most of my teens and early adulthood, I starved myself and worked out obsessively to appear as androgynous as possible, trying to erase gender from my life. However, had I been born later, I don't think I would have felt compelled to become a transman. Neither extreme of gender presentation seems right to me, except as costume and play.

I did well enough academically and in most career roles that I wasn't in danger of being unemployed for open queerness, but was never entirely secure or welcome. So I changed careers more often than most people, looking for something that only demanded competence.

I'm at a point in my life where I've done the therapy, made what I'd like to think of as worthwhile contributions to the world, and let the people I care about feel loved. I don't regret what I've learned from my experiences, but I'd like others to have an easier time.

I am a multi (sapiosexual and pansexual) cis man. I always carried on as a bisexual male, but with time, I joined more diverse communities and noticed I felt attracted regardless if the person was cis or trans. Also, that if I couldn't hold a conversation level I am comfortable with, I didn't felt attracted, even if the person hit all other buttons.

Yet, I don't feel included in the communities for LGBTQIA+, since I am such a "broad" person.

I’m a pansexual man. I’m married to a woman, and in fact I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone who identified as a man. I actually feel the tiniest bit of… grief, maybe? about that. I was teased so often as a kid about how “gay” I was, almost exclusively about things that had nothing to do with sexuality, like being interested in art or science, that I really internalized my defense of “That’s not gay, that has nothing to do with being gay, I’m not gay because of those things!” Which… of course was true, but I also was separately not straight. Took a while to untangle that, and by the time I had, I’d already met and begun dating the woman who is now my wife, and, it turns out, is the best partner I could ever possibly ask for. I’m not at all upset about the idea of being with her for the rest of our lives; I actually want that quite a lot! But I do feel some sadness that I had some potentially wonderful and fulfilling opportunities taken from me out of pure childish meanness.

I also realized recently that I think I’d be kind of into polyamory? I think people tend to use that term pretty broadly, and I suspect there are more specific terms that I’m just not familiar with, but I’ve fallen in love a bit with the idea of having a big, loving, polyamorous “family”. I had a bachelor party a while ago, where almost all of the people I love most in the world stayed together for a weekend, and I suddenly felt my understanding of why people love that idea of a polyamorous family so much. I felt so much love and joy watching all of my favorite people just be together, sharing affection and happiness. I don’t feel like this needs to go anywhere in particular, but I feel good that I had that experience and understanding.

Howdy. I'm a bisexual aromantic. The first half of that I've known since about forever, though I never knew the terminology when I was younger. The latter half, I learned after a relationship and several other moments where I realized I never felt strongly for a person in the context of romance.

There has been some struggles, especially with being aromantic. The self-doubt can be strong, unlike being bisexual. That I always knew with confidence. Often leads to moments where I sit and contemplate. But it always leads back to a yes, I am aro. Apologies if it's a bit short. I haven't really shared my story before.

Im definitely pansexual and have no sexual experience with male or female. I’m just an experience away from understanding my own sexuality.

I would say I'm gender apathetic. Not sure exactly where I sit on the gender spectrum, but I definitely don't align my identity with being any sort of he/she/they. Most people see me as a cis het male, which is fine by me. I just don't know what to identify with...and that's okay.

Not necessarily a new user, but a big lurker. These days I identify myself primarily as a homosexual. There's LGBT/queerness as an identity, or LGBT as a set of behaviors. I love the whole community and all the fun stuff we do, but I relate most to lesbians and gay men because of the common behaviors, struggles, and experiences. I could be described as a cis lesbian, but lesbian politics are complicated especially with how it intersects with transmasc issues. I have some transmasc behaviors (wear men's clothes, wear binders sometimes, am trying to learn to speak with a more androgynous voice). But I don't have a transmasc identity that I assign to myself or others assign to me.

I did go through a big label journey with my early confusion. Thought I was straight, then I was ace, then I was bi. It took me until I was in my 20s especially because of my desire to NOT be gay. Tried self curing and everything. It failed so I decided to live as gay and happy!

I'm mostly likely completely asexual, although I do sometimes hope that it's actually just residual dysphoria and bottom surgery might make romantic/sexual relationships an option. (And definitively proving the absence of something is difficult, so I'm open to all possibilities in the future) I've always been very good at completely blocking out uncomfortable situations though, so we'll see.

I transitioned at 17/18, basically the second I learned that transitioning was actually possible. I'm pretty classically trans - knew at a very young age that something was off, assumed I'd go through male puberty like all the other boys, and then later assumed that somehow I'd be male in the future - trans people weren't on my radar at all though. Learning that testosterone and top surgery was possible was incredible - I'd been hoping for accidental steroid overdoses and breast cancer... Being a teenager was hell, but I'm quite happy where I'm at now.

I'm not really involved with an LGBT groups - being so far into transition makes relating to most other trans people difficult and the other 'older' guys are also deep into the woodwork like me. I like lurking online though, and the current politics are pretty worrisome. I typically don't talk about it much though, although I've been more open with some (cis) friends in the past few years.

I am pansexual and agender (any/all pronouns. Call me whatever you like, as long as I understand you're talking about me we're good.)
In daily life this tends to lean masc because I have a beard and regularly hit the gym, but I also love painting my nails, wearing skirts and other more traditionally fem stuff.

And that is really the core of it, I just strongly dislike the very concept of gender. I don't like feeling like I have to or should behave a certain way, dress a certain way etc. I am me, nothing less and nothing more. Why on earth would I want to further put myself in some arbitrary social box that comes with all sorts of expectations and prescriptions as to how I am supposed to act, dress, talk etc.

To me the very concept is outdated and can really only be used to exclude and harm people. As you probably have gathered at this point I can also accurately be described as a gender nihilist and gender abolitionist.

When I was a kid (we're talking like 10-12 ish years old) I enjoyed expressing myself through clothing and other parts of my physical appearance. I grew my hair out past shoulder length, and was bullied quite a bit as either gay or a girl, which I resented. To me I was just me, and I hated how I was expected to conform to an image and expectation that didn't suit me or otherwise I would be filed in another category in a derogatory way (because when they called me a girl it usually wasn't 'you go girl'). I noticed however that it wasn't being called a girl or gay that I had an issue with, but rather their attempts to categorize me as anything else than just me as a person, as if my choice of hairstyle could accurately predict all sorts of things about me.

Kids however can be relentless monsters, and I gave up for a while. This did not go well and in combination with a lot of other factors resulted in me becoming very depressed and having to do a lot of soul searching. I had the luxury of a very supportive family and group of friends, many of which were struggling with their own gender/sexual identity. So especially when I was about college aged (18-24ish) I crystalized how I felt and thought about myself.

Now I am 26 and in a very healthy and confident space mentally. This is a recent development, before this I was out of commission with a severe depression for over four years. I am very glad I have reached this point and finally be comfortable with myself and who I am.

Interestingly a weird side effect of my views is that I sometimes have a difficult time relating to other members of the LGBTQ+ community, who really care about gender or sex, belonging to and/or being attracted to specific "categories". People have tried to explain this to me a million times and I will never get why anyone would want to place these restrictions or guidelines upon themselves, but I'll be damned if I don't fight for their right to do exactly that and anything else which makes them happy or allows them to expres themselves.

I am gay and asexual or demisexual or gray asexual or something...

I know I am at least somewhat on the ace spectrum. I really don't enjoy one night stands at least (from experience), but I am not really sure about more since I wasn't ever in a real relationship. Once, I was on a pretty good date, but towards the end of it we talked about me being not too much into sex and when he asked something akin to if sex would be a part of a relationship with me, I said that I am not sure and that I couldn't guarantee it. I'd also say that if I had the chance to date some girl that was also a really good friend to me, I most likely would, it would just very likely be a romantic only relationship -- I'd still probably describe myself as gay though.

Honestly, I never struggled with any homophobia or anything, so I can really relate with all the people here who mentioned that they don't feel like they deserve the labels or feel like impostors. It took me until I was basically 18 to figure out that I was gay, I was kind of not really too interested in anyone, before then. I never was masculine at all, but I guess I also wasn't very stereotypically gay, more stereotypically nerd I guess. In a way I relate to NB folks, I don't really feel masculine/or feminine at all, but I am also perfectly content just being a guy that dresses a bit nicer and has long hair. I am pretty open about being gay when I get asked about it, but I also don't ever mention it unless someone does ask, and most people don't ask.

To all the other people on the ace spectrum in this thread, how did you find a relationship if you did? It would be for the best if I cared even less and stopped wanting one because it feels impossible. I'd summarize it like this, being gay/ace was never really hard for me, I am just pathetic. Over about the last 5+ years when I was trying a bit harder to meet new people and date, I met so many different people, but nothing. I think I am most likely just the type of person no one really would like to be in a romantic relationship with... I see so many people meeting someone and start dating very shortly after, but that never happens to me, every time I meet someone interesting or who I feel like I might like, they don't feel the same way. After all this time I just feel like the reason(/problem?) is most likely me. I am sorry that you had to read that, I always feel like I am really melodramatic and just pathetic complaining about that. I found quite a few queer friends this way though, which is super cool!

I'm a pansexual woman, and I remember when I was in middle school I got a fortune cookie that said that I would "have a happy life with my wife", and I kept it in my wallet because it felt like this beautiful future I wasn't allowed to have, but I could keep it with me on paper, at least.

Hi, I'm a trans woman and a scientist in the UK. My partner is non-binary. Thinking about how I feel about my 'lgbt-ness,' I'm not really very much at odds with it - being trans, for example, is just something about me. I just wish other people felt that way, too. Like, why does it have to be such a big deal?

Especially recently, I find myself feeling internally that I have to think about it, justify it, and myself, a lot, increasingly, because of the way society behaves and talks around me. I don't like that. I've struggled with mental health historically, intrusive thoughts and the ability to believe that I'm a good person and that I'm doing my best, and all this doesn't help. I guess that's a little bit of where I'm at right now.

Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to getting to know the lovely people here, it's exciting to be a part of what is still such a small community! I really enjoyed reading the stories and experiences on this thread.

I'm probably pretty lucky in terms of coming out. I'm a bisexual man, but I didn't really know I wasn't straight until I was 18. I mean looking back I can see some obvious pointers that I wasn't straight younger than that, but it didn't really hit me for a while. I think a big reason is because I slant towards women pretty hard. So I got my first boyfriend at 19, my mom had one or two weird conversations about it but came around pretty fast, and by that point I was in a major city and no one really cared.

I've had a few random strangers make fun of me for it, but I didn't know them so it never really effected me. I'm guessing it's much more likely I end up with a woman due to sheer numbers (there's way more women I'd date than gay/bi men I'd date) so I sorta just feel like being bi is a very small part of my life, like the fact I'm brunette or whatever.

Hi, I'm Albinanigans... Albi for short. I'm a queer-for-short non-binary Black American that likes to write, play video games, and pester the two cats that I live with. I have Genderfuck goals.

While I was brave enough to come out of the closet as bisexual in college (holy stereotype, Batman!) it took me til my late 20s to realize I was genderqueer. I knew the terminology from a printout in high school, but didn't realize that I myself could also opt-out of the gender box, and there was no wrong way to do that.

Im a trans lesbian, and have known for probably ~2 years. Before that i thought i was a gay male. I think im similar to other queer people in the way that i realised this stuff during the pandemic. I think knowing this (and other things relevant to that) gives me a bit of hope because at least now i know why im suicidal and how to fix the issue.

I consider myself to be ARO/ACE. Aromantic, Asexual. I've only really slid in to this definition in the last several years, in my late 30's+. It's always been there for me though, as long as I've looked back to all relationships in my life, or lack of them rather, but only just in the last few years discovered that there was a label for it.

I haven't come out. I don't feel the need to. I seem to have my circle of family and friends who don't mention that I am alone, and firmly alone. They either don't want to bring it up in case of hurting me for not finding "the one", or they just accept that I am destined to be alone. I don't mind, and because I don't feel like I have to justify it, it is just I that knows. I have no fear of not being accepted in my circle, so there's no fear there keeping it quiet.

I sometimes debate with myself whether I need to celebrate that I am of a different orientation, but not being out, then the debate moves to does it matter? And I don't actually know. I know it's ok that I am what I am, but I struggle with the thought I should come out because the more who comes out, then it helps any movement out there. I am a bit lost on that aspect.

I do wonder if there are any others out there that are the same as me. Not closeted because of fear, or hate, but just because they feel no need to advertise it, or do not need to come out.
Am I even in the proverbial closet even?

Hi everyone! I go by Sophia online, I appreciate knowing that there is a somewhat sizable LGBT community here! I am bisexual and trans/non binary (still confused on it for the past few years). My family is entirely unsupportive Muslims who do not feel that me being LGBT and me having any interaction with them is a remote possibility, so I am basically just a closeted queer person waiting until I can be self sufficient and capable enough to move out and start my own life! Glad to be a part of this community and excited to see how things will turn out!

I'm Grumpy, an autistic, pansexual, Welshman. Came out when I was about 18 I think, when I started dating my second girlfriend who happened to be trans.
Over the years I've been trying to get more invested into the community, but it's difficult when you're not the most social person, lol. So I've stuck to chatting to people where/when I can, and trying tk get involved in some lgbt gaming groups.

Hey, @kfywre... don't forget to share your own story, while we're all doing it!