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  • Showing only topics in ~lgbt with the tag "ask.survey". Back to normal view / Search all groups
    1. What has being LGBT taught you?

      What are some of the lessons you've learned about life, love, gender, personhood, etc. because of your LGBT identity? What wisdom can you share with others here -- whether they share an identity...

      What are some of the lessons you've learned about life, love, gender, personhood, etc. because of your LGBT identity?

      What wisdom can you share with others here -- whether they share an identity with you or not?

      Also, "LGBT" here is being used as an umbrella term as it is in our community name of ~lgbt. It applies to any and all minority sexualities and gender identities. You do not have to be listed in the initialism to answer!

      30 votes
    2. What's a recent queer milestone you've reached?

      Inspired by this amazing post and the subsequent discussion about the need for more queer joy: What's a recent queer milestone you've reached/experienced in your life? It can be something big, but...

      Inspired by this amazing post and the subsequent discussion about the need for more queer joy:

      What's a recent queer milestone you've reached/experienced in your life?

      It can be something big, but it can also be something small but still meaningful. It can be an event (coming out!), a realization (oh so THAT'S who I am!), a feeling (dress go spinny!), a moment (holding hands!), a recognition (they used male pronouns!), or anything else that is distinctly queer and noteworthy.

      Share what it is, what you think about it, and why it's meaningful.

      41 votes
    3. What might a 'quiet' Pride celebration look like?

      Note: I've had these thoughts for a while, but I didn't think to post until I read @guttersnipe's semi-unrelated comment in another thread. I'm queer, but I'm also a quiet introvert. I don't...

      Note: I've had these thoughts for a while, but I didn't think to post until I read @guttersnipe's semi-unrelated comment in another thread.

      I'm queer, but I'm also a quiet introvert. I don't really drink much, and as of lately, loud events exceed my capacity for sensory input. I just... don't really have it in me to party?

      Yet, everywhere I seem to look, 'queer culture' seems to be heavily equated with partying. My partner's gay best friend goes downtown and parties til the break of dawn for Pride. Pitchfork runs features like "Fear Will Not Stop Queer Nightlife". To celebrate seems to mean to be loud and out and proud, to be bright and neon, to be camp and flamboyant, to let loose. Late nights, clubs, DJs, raves... it's all just... too much for me? In fact, I sort of feel a disconnect with western queer culture as a whole? It just feels so... extroverted...

      I don't want to just do nothing, though, like I've done year after year. I feel left out, like I'm missing out on some sort of collective experience.

      So, what are some alternative ways to celebrate? Do you celebrate Pride in ways that deviate from the norm?

      23 votes
    4. Saying hello!

      It's empty in here, so I figured I'd break the ice. Hi. I'm "Albinanigans" bumbling around (and a recent deflector from Reddit... but you probably guessed that). I am a transgender non-binary...

      It's empty in here, so I figured I'd break the ice. Hi. I'm "Albinanigans" bumbling around (and a recent deflector from Reddit... but you probably guessed that). I am a transgender non-binary Black person who likes to ramble on the Internet.

      I have a question for the floor: what do you do for gender affirmation? What gives you gender euphoria?

      My answer: I recently received a hysterectomy, and it was pretty affirming! It is one less thing to cause dysphoria. I also like mixing and matching femme and masc clothing in my outfit.

      So, yeah, happy to be here! Hope to talk more soon.

      39 votes
    5. How did you handle coming out?

      Coming out is a different experience for everyone, for some it's a fraught and stressful experience, for others it's an easy and smooth process. People react differently to the news, geography and...

      Coming out is a different experience for everyone, for some it's a fraught and stressful experience, for others it's an easy and smooth process.

      People react differently to the news, geography and demographics can play into the likelihood of a negative reaction, so many factors that can be difficult to handle or worry about.

      So how did you go about it and how did it go?
      How have things been since and is there anything you'd do differently?


      For me personally (a trans woman) it's a long and ongoing process. I first came out to my best friend in 2018, she's trans just like me so it was easy and she and I were always very close and trusting. We've since started a relationship and are now engaged. I literally just spoke to her and talked about my feelings and she accepted me immediately.

      Next was my mum, my family are friendly and loving but none of us are overly close or open about our feelings with each other, I have a long history of anxiety which created a barrier for me coming out, I don't think I came out to my mum until either late 2019 or early 2020. She was in the living room on her own and I asked to speak, we sat down and had a heart to heart and she was understanding and supportive, though she didn't know much about trans people. Things seemed fine initially but a few days later when she picked me up form work she broke down in the car crying, saying how it's a big change and how she felt like she was losing her son. It was a lot, more than I could handle and this may be selfish of me, but it was the opposite of what I needed at a time when I was feeling very fragile. We talked more and she came around and has since been very supportive and helped me a lot.

      Other family members I never really formally came out to, but folks have slowly cottoned on to what's happening and it hasn't been an issue.

      Work however is a different situation. That aforementioned anxiety has prevented me from coming out to this day. In work I hide my feminine features and pretend I'm a guy. It's getting harder by the day to hide it but not knowing how folks will react is worrying. Legally I'll be protected from harm, but socially this could ostracise me from my colleagues. I live in the UK and anti-trans rhetoric has been on the rise in recent years, and if the folks I work with directly don't take it well, while they couldn't openly discriminate, they could make my work life unpleasant and difficult. It'll have to happen eventually (possibly soon) but I'm putting it off until the last possible moment. The fear is paralysing.

      On the topic of work, at my last employer I did come out to my two closest colleagues privately, they're still my friends to this day and have had no issues. It was difficult, my heart was pounding and we were saying farewell to another colleague who had been a strong LGBT+ ally in the workplace, it felt like the right time and things worked out well, there were hugs all around which was honestly a far better reaction than I could've hoped for.

      So for me, to this day I'm still coming out, slowly, one step at a time. I'd probably do it differently if I could go back, just rip off the whole thing with everyone at once, but that would rely on me being braver than I actually am. The approach I have taken however has been safe and cautious, and has mostly worked out for me.

      Apologies for the long story! I'd love to hear all of yours.

      31 votes
    6. LGBT introductions thread: What's your story?

      Back when Tildes was in cozy mode we had a small contingent of LGBT users across the site who all pretty much came to know each other over time. Now that we're undergoing a huge influx of users...

      Back when Tildes was in cozy mode we had a small contingent of LGBT users across the site who all pretty much came to know each other over time. Now that we're undergoing a huge influx of users though, there are so many new names and faces! I'd love for everyone to get to know everyone, but rather than just sharing how you identify, I'd love this to be a place where people can share their story -- the road of how you arrived at being the person you are and identify as.

      So, feel free to share as much of your story as you are comfortable with, and feel free to change/omit any identifying details if maintaining your personal privacy is important to you.


      Also, a note to new users: a few years ago we had a vote to determine whether we should change the name of the group from ~lgbt to something else like ~lgbtq or ~queer. The vote came out in favor of keeping it as ~lgbt, but opted to add text to the description of the group clarifying that it is inclusive:

      The umbrella term "LGBT" includes all minority sexualities and gender identities. Everybody is welcome to participate.

      So, even if your identity is not included in the LGBT initialism, this is still a space for you! If you're ace, pan, intersex, gender non-conforming, gender fluid, non-binary, or any of the other many identities that fall under the LGBT umbrella, this is your community too. Even if you're not sure yet -- that's okay too! We're happy to have you here.

      Also, to users who are cis/straight and are still subscribed to ~lgbt, you're welcome here too. We love our allies!

      72 votes
    7. Any people who do not consider themselves part of the "community"?

      I would probably be considered asexual, but I've never really tied too much if my identity to it or anything. The reason being that I find myself a little put off by the political nature of social...

      I would probably be considered asexual, but I've never really tied too much if my identity to it or anything.

      The reason being that I find myself a little put off by the political nature of social advocacy. I'm non straight and non white and non neurotypical, but never in the "popular" kind if way. I'm not BIPOC or LGBTQ or whatever the hip neurological problem to have is.

      I'm wondering if anyone else has this kind of perspective. I realize asking this in an LGBT forum is probably not likely to reach people that feel alienated from identifying with the LGBT community, but I'm just seeing if there's other lurkers like me on.

      22 votes
    8. Pride events with your company

      Have you done pride events with or at your company? Mine is going to be in the parade and I can walk with them. CFO is gay and they have been very helpful with my transition so I don't feel like...

      Have you done pride events with or at your company? Mine is going to be in the parade and I can walk with them. CFO is gay and they have been very helpful with my transition so I don't feel like they are faking it.

      For others, how has your workplace acted or have they done anything related?

      12 votes
    9. Happy Pride, everyone! Any of y’all doing anything fun this month?

      My fiancée and I are going to Provincetown, MA to celebrate both Pride and her birthday. Her mothers used to take her to Ptown every summer as a kid, so as an ally I’m looking forward to soaking...

      My fiancée and I are going to Provincetown, MA to celebrate both Pride and her birthday.

      Her mothers used to take her to Ptown every summer as a kid, so as an ally I’m looking forward to soaking up the positive vibes and getting to know this place that’s so special to her. I’ve been learning more about the town and what it’s meant to the LGBTQ+ community over the last few decades.

      It shouldn’t have had to be a hideaway but it’s so cool that such a place exists and that it feels so separate from the rest of the country via that long drive out on the Cape.

      The world is certainly a scary place right now but this month is full of so much love. Are any of y’all going to any parades or events to celebrate?

      46 votes
    10. What are you doing for Pride this week? (7-13 June)

      Pride month has already started, so - as per the title - what are you doing for Pride this week? Are there any cool events where you live? Is the encroaching summer making it hard to choose...

      Pride month has already started, so - as per the title - what are you doing for Pride this week?

      Are there any cool events where you live? Is the encroaching summer making it hard to choose between hugging the AC and ironing your flags? Are you still in the closet, and would you like to vent about it?

      10 votes
    11. If you knew what homophobia was when you realized you weren't cis-het, what was it like realizing LGBT-phobia and discrimination was gonna be just as much a personal issue as a political one to you?

      To elaborate more, the realization that LGBT rights, marriage, transitioning, etc are more than just human rights, they're your rights and whenever homophobes succeed in stopping LGBT rights, your...

      To elaborate more, the realization that LGBT rights, marriage, transitioning, etc are more than just human rights, they're your rights and whenever homophobes succeed in stopping LGBT rights, your rights are stripped away by people who hate you.

      Also, If you're bisexual, did/do you ever consider just tagging along as if you were straight because you could and would rather not deal with homophobes? (Assuming this question makes sense)

      8 votes
    12. To those of you who have changed your name, what was it like for you?

      The question is open to anything that anyone wants to share about changing one’s name (e.g. social, familial, or legal proceedings), but in particular I’m most interested in what the personal...

      The question is open to anything that anyone wants to share about changing one’s name (e.g. social, familial, or legal proceedings), but in particular I’m most interested in what the personal process of deciding on a particular name was like for you. Was there one that just “clicked”? Did you try out different names until you found one that fit? Did you choose the name based on meaning, aesthetics, association, or something else entirely? How did it feel to change your own name in your own head? How did it feel when others started using it to refer to you? What do you like most about the name you chose?

      Also, I don’t want to pressure anyone to share their name since that is very identifying information, so feel free to share details of your experience without sharing your name itself — unless that’s something you’re comfortable with putting online here.

      22 votes
    13. Who are your favorite LGBT musicians/bands?

      I'm in a bit of a personal musical renaissance at the moment and am actively seeking out new music after having listened to the same albums for years, effectively playing them out. One of the...

      I'm in a bit of a personal musical renaissance at the moment and am actively seeking out new music after having listened to the same albums for years, effectively playing them out.

      One of the areas I'm interested in exploring is LGBT artists out there making good music, especially because it seems like so many have entered the scene in recent years. Let me know if you have any recommendations! I'm open to any genre.

      12 votes
    14. What are your thoughts on more nuanced sexuality labels and their relationship with lgbt?

      For example: demisexuality. Many that don’t identify as demisexual but hear of the term dismiss it altogether. Others that are members of lgbt fear that cishet people are trying to invade lgbt by...

      For example: demisexuality. Many that don’t identify as demisexual but hear of the term dismiss it altogether. Others that are members of lgbt fear that cishet people are trying to invade lgbt by splitting hairs.

      21 votes
    15. Are there any words/terms that people often use that are offensive to you/your group of people?

      Inspired from my conversation with @CALICO about how the word "trap" is offensive and how less than a day later, the r/animemes mod team has banned the word for the same reasons that he has cited,...

      Inspired from my conversation with @CALICO about how the word "trap" is offensive and how less than a day later, the r/animemes mod team has banned the word for the same reasons that he has cited, which has caused practically universal backlash and closed the sub to anything not related to that decision.

      6 votes
    16. What, if anything, did you do for Pride Month this year?

      Normally June is a time for celebration and demonstration for LGBT people in the USA (thanks for the correction, @Algernon_Asimov!), but on account of COVID and our need to protest widespread...

      Normally June is a time for celebration and demonstration for LGBT people in the USA (thanks for the correction, @Algernon_Asimov!), but on account of COVID and our need to protest widespread racial injustice, this past month felt like an unusually somber and isolated Pride Month.

      I'm wondering if anyone here did anything for Pride Month, whether it was a celebration, protest, reflection, creation, or something else entirely. If you didn't do anything, feel free to share why not as well. I think a lot of us are likely in similar boats.

      12 votes
    17. How rigid/fluid is your gender and/or sexuality?

      The following questions are aimed at gender identity, gender expression, romantic orientation, and/or sexual orientation. To cut down on wordiness, all the questions below will just say...

      The following questions are aimed at gender identity, gender expression, romantic orientation, and/or sexual orientation. To cut down on wordiness, all the questions below will just say "identity", but know that I'm asking about any and all of the different parts that make up our gendered, romantic, and sexual selves.

      You don't necessarily need to answer regarding all axes or focuses: choose the ones most salient or meaningful to you and your experiences. Furthermore, these questions are open to all, including people who don't identify as LGBT.

      • How would you describe the rigidity/fluidity of your identity or its different parts?
      • Do you experience short-term changes in your identity?
      • Have you experienced long-term changes in your identity?
      • Does your identity have any elements that are unchanging long-term?
      • How does the fluidity/rigidity of your identity affect you? Are there advantages? Disadvantages?
      • Are you certain in your identity right now, or is it unclear to you at the moment?
      • If you are certain, do you think that certainty will persist, or might things change in the future?
      • If you are uncertain, do you think a more definite identity will coalesce for you at some point?

      As always, the questions are just jumping off points and don't need to be treated like a quiz. Also, just to be clear, I am asking this purely out of curiosity and am in no way trying to assert that a more rigid/fluid identity is better/worse. Likewise, I'm not trying to cast judgment on anyone still questioning or engaging in self-discovery. Your process and your identity are valid wherever you're at and however you feel. I'm simply interested to hear what your experiences are, whoever you are.

      27 votes
    18. LGBTQ individuals, how's life?

      I'm curious how many of us there are on here. This was asked awhile ago but I'm curious how things might have changed since then. Some ideas for discussion: When did you realize you weren't...

      I'm curious how many of us there are on here. This was asked awhile ago but I'm curious how things might have changed since then. Some ideas for discussion:

      • When did you realize you weren't cis/straight/etc?
      • Are you out or still in the closet?
      • How's the social situation where you live? (Are you accepted?)
      • In a relationship? If so, how did you meet?
      • Anything on your mind? (Doesn't have to be related to your identity/orientation.)
      28 votes
    19. Who are your favorite fictional LGBT characters?

      The question follows the lead of our community name: LGBT in the title refers to the LGBT umbrella and isn't limited to the identities represented by the initials. The character can be from any...

      The question follows the lead of our community name: LGBT in the title refers to the LGBT umbrella and isn't limited to the identities represented by the initials.

      The character can be from any media source: shows, movies, anime, books, comics, videogames, even song lyrics, or anything else I've missed. The only criteria is that they have to be fictional.

      • Who is the character and how are they portrayed?
      • What do you like about them?
      • Do they resonate with your own experience or those of people you know in any way?
      11 votes
    20. Who are your LGBTQ heroes/role models?

      Who are the LGBTQ individuals you look up to or admire? In what ways do you find them inspiring or admirable? Has their example and influence helped you in your own life? If so, how? Don't feel...
      • Who are the LGBTQ individuals you look up to or admire?
      • In what ways do you find them inspiring or admirable?
      • Has their example and influence helped you in your own life? If so, how?

      Don't feel like you have to talk about someone famous: plenty of LGBTQ heroes are the people we know personally, and I would love to hear those kinds of stories. Also, feel free to include people who don't identify as LGBTQ but who still fit the criteria of a role model/hero for the community (e.g. Judy Shepard, Jonathan Larson, a supportive straight sibling, etc.).

      15 votes
    21. What are your thoughts on Pride Month?

      Some questions to consider: How do you feel about it as a whole? What is your experience with it like? Do you go out, celebrate, march, get involved? Does it connect you to others or affirm your...

      Some questions to consider:

      • How do you feel about it as a whole?
      • What is your experience with it like? Do you go out, celebrate, march, get involved? Does it connect you to others or affirm your identity?
      • What positives does it bring to the table?
      • What critiques do you have of it?

      This last one can be treated as hypothetical but might apply to some real experiences as well--either are valid:

      • If you chose to march in a parade to bring awareness to an issue, what cause would you represent? How would you show it, or what would your sign say? Who would you want there alongside you?
      18 votes
    22. Trans introductions

      Hello y'all! I wanted to make a post where all us trans peeps can introduce themselves and say hey to each other, since I find it nice to have other trans peeps to chat with. Come say hey, or drop...

      Hello y'all!

      I wanted to make a post where all us trans peeps can introduce themselves and say hey to each other, since I find it nice to have other trans peeps to chat with. Come say hey, or drop me a line!

      For my own intro: I normally go by Nihilistic Janitor online, and before you ask I really don't know jack about philosophy I just thought the phrase "cleanliness is next to meaninglessness" is funny. I'm a nineteen year old pan trans woman, currently wheelchair-bound, who enjoys reading and writing and who recently finished a draft of a fun cheesy gay romance novel. I'm also in with some other trans-heavy communities, so if you're curious and want to check those out, message me!

      25 votes
    23. What's your coming out story?

      Not sure if this has been asked before, I vaguely remember seeing it but I'm not sure! Personally, I'm still in the process of coming out - I've only come out to 1 person (a nurse), and I utterly...

      Not sure if this has been asked before, I vaguely remember seeing it but I'm not sure!

      Personally, I'm still in the process of coming out - I've only come out to 1 person (a nurse), and I utterly dread the day that I need to tell friends and family.

      25 votes
    24. What song(s) so you consider to be your personal LGBT anthem(s)?

      They don't have to be anthems in the strict sense of the word. Any type or genre is fair game. I'm interested in hearing about any songs that helped you connect with or express your identity. It...

      They don't have to be anthems in the strict sense of the word. Any type or genre is fair game.

      I'm interested in hearing about any songs that helped you connect with or express your identity. It can be something overtly intended to represent LGBT individuals or narratives, or it can simply be something with an abstract theme that resonates with your experiences.

      10 votes
    25. How did you discover your sexuality?

      Hey Waves! I've been wondering how other people discovered they were bi, or gay, or pan, or ace, or straight, or anything else. You can tell stories of your first crush, how things just 'felt...

      Hey Waves!

      I've been wondering how other people discovered they were bi, or gay, or pan, or ace, or straight, or anything else. You can tell stories of your first crush, how things just 'felt right', anything.

      14 votes
    26. Positive coming out experiences?

      The world needs more positivity. Do you have any positive stories from when you came out? Or maybe any positive experiences from being openly queer in general? If you're still in the closet for...

      The world needs more positivity. Do you have any positive stories from when you came out? Or maybe any positive experiences from being openly queer in general?

      If you're still in the closet for whatever reason, that's perfectly alright!

      9 votes
    27. Genderqueer/gender bender/genderfuck fashion

      I was wondering if there were any fellow Waves that enjoyed dressing in a way that might confuse others on your gender, and if anybody had tips for others on how to blend masculine and feminine...

      I was wondering if there were any fellow Waves that enjoyed dressing in a way that might confuse others on your gender, and if anybody had tips for others on how to blend masculine and feminine styles/presentation.

      Definitions and sources on Genderfuck:

      Genderfuck
      Some nonbinary people may choose or need to present a 'clashing' combination of gender cues that are incongruous, challenging or shocking to those who expect others to fit the gender binary. For example, combining a beard with makeup and a padded bra. This practice of transgressively breaking the rules of gender presentation is known as genderfuck, genderfucking or sometimes genderpunk.
      https://nonbinary.miraheze.org/wiki/Nonbinary#Genderfuck

      Gender bender (also known as genderf*ck) is an informal term used to refer to a person who actively transgresses, or "bends," expected gender roles and presentation. This is usually achieved by combining masculine and feminine attributes in unexpected ways.
      http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Bender

      19 votes