Merriam-Webster singles out nonbinary 'they' for word of the year honors
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Rainbow's recent activity
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Comment on Holocaust-denial, religious bigotry and pepper spray: An account of what really happened at Boston’s Straight Pride in ~lgbt
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Comment on Reddit launches /r/Layer, a "community canvas" sponsored by Adobe in ~tech
Rainbow Link ParentKinda agree, I hope they close it early like r/place so people have less of a chance to organize and brigade it. It also runs a lot slower on my computer.Kinda agree, I hope they close it early like r/place so people have less of a chance to organize and brigade it. It also runs a lot slower on my computer.
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Comment on For those who are not asexual but not celibate either, a 'demisexual' label is helping to define their love lives in ~lgbt
Rainbow LinkThis makes me wonder how many people who would be demisexual assume they are asexual because they haven't been with anyone long enough to develop an attraction to them. I have a few ace friends...“I can’t have one-night stands or sexual escapades or fancy a random person who is interested in me. I don’t have that desire at all, my brain doesn’t work that way and I forced myself into situations that just ended up giving me a lot of emotional distress.”
This makes me wonder how many people who would be demisexual assume they are asexual because they haven't been with anyone long enough to develop an attraction to them. I have a few ace friends and I've wondered about them for awhile.
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Conversion therapy group founder comes out as gay, apologizes
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentWow, that's a rough situation. Not even my grandparents are that hardcore. The good news is that the transmission rate for HIV via oral sex is much lower than penetrative sex, but that's still not...Wow, that's a rough situation. Not even my grandparents are that hardcore. The good news is that the transmission rate for HIV via oral sex is much lower than penetrative sex, but that's still not much of a comfort if you do manage to catch it. I recommend getting tested ASAP if you have not already, one of my previous partners was on ART because of one drunken hookup where the top didn't use a condom. He was able to get it for free through a charity, and his parents still don't know (though he's no longer on their insurance so they'd have no reason to suspect anything). Best of luck with your health and family.
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentIndeed. It's been 5 or 6 years for me. Do I like being a woman more than a man? Absolutely, I feel more relaxed and comfortable in my body. I really love being a woman, it feels right to me and I...Anyway, from there it was a matter of "is this real? am I not just tricking myself?" for a while. Those thoughts never totally went away, but I think that's a common experience for trans people.
Indeed. It's been 5 or 6 years for me. Do I like being a woman more than a man? Absolutely, I feel more relaxed and comfortable in my body. I really love being a woman, it feels right to me and I actually like what I see in the mirror. But I've been talking with my wife about getting bottom surgery, and although she's completely on board with it, sometimes I think "I'm not trans enough for this" because my genital dysphoria was never bad like other areas of my body. Would I prefer to have a vagina? Yes, every time I use the bathroom I feel a lot less like a woman. But even though I do feel a bit dysphoric about it, I can still enjoy sex. It seems silly but the nagging doubts always come back. Then again, I thought the same before getting FFS, but I can't imagine myself without it now.
I don't know how to talk to them normally, let alone about something serious.
You might ask your parents to bring it up. My mom broke the news to some relatives whose reactions I was unsure of at my request and answered some of their questions. It made it easier to finally present as a woman to them at the next reunion.
Yes, with a Tildes user, @Cleb. I met them on a reddit-adjacent Discord server. Long-distance and internet relationships are at this point a bit of a trans stereotype and I told myself I wouldn't be in one after some bad experiences...but when I met them, I knew I had to ignore that rule I set.
I've never been in an internet relationship and can't really imagine being in one, but good for you! How long have you been together? Have you met in person yet?
Dysphoria is much less intense and it's a massive source of comfort for me, so there's no doubt that it's worth being on it, but as for other changes (particularly mental ones), I feel like what I'm experiencing is a lot more subtle than others describe it. Mostly I feel like me but a bit more peaceful. I never got the mood swings or wild increases in sex drive or anything like that, I've just felt better in that way.
That sounds like my experience as well. If anything, my sex drive has gone down from HRT. Not that I'm complaining, I was never very active to begin with, so not feeling like masturbating as often was nice. I wish you luck on your transition!
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentMy grandparents are still like that. They haven't outright screamed at me about what a disgrace I am since I first came out to them, but they tend to be absent from family events if I'm there (or...Yeah, my family and city are pretty conservative and think "the gays" are sinners.
My grandparents are still like that. They haven't outright screamed at me about what a disgrace I am since I first came out to them, but they tend to be absent from family events if I'm there (or avoid talking to me if they do come). Although I never asked what they dislike more - the fact that I am a woman or that I'm married to a woman - they truly believe I'm going to hell. (Only my parents know I'm bisexual, my grandparents and other relatives don't know I've been with men.)
It's not something I plan on doing, ever.
By this do you mean you don't plan on coming out to your family and (current) friends? If so, do you plan on moving away (for college or work) and exploring more?
Trans rights are human rights!
Yes they are! 👏
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Comment on Starbound developer Chucklefish allegedly did not pay around a dozen of its workers in ~games
Rainbow Link ParentThe games industry is so scummy. Why anyone would volunteer for a company that isn't a non-profit is beyond me, but I feel it needs to be outlawed (at least for minors) at this point since kids...The games industry is so scummy. Why anyone would volunteer for a company that isn't a non-profit is beyond me, but I feel it needs to be outlawed (at least for minors) at this point since kids who don't know any better keep getting suckered in.
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Comment on School uniforms are on the rise — even for toddlers — and it’s changing back-to-school shopping in ~life
Rainbow LinkI expressed my thoughts about this with regards to gender non-conforming individuals in a reply to Gaywallet, but I have some more bones to pick with this article. This quote seems baffling to me:...I expressed my thoughts about this with regards to gender non-conforming individuals in a reply to Gaywallet, but I have some more bones to pick with this article. This quote seems baffling to me:
“I think it’s awesome,” said Duplessis, 38, an insurance agent. “She walks into day care and has an immediate sense of community. She belongs."
I cannot remember anything from my days in daycare, but I doubt I was really aware of what everyone else was wearing, much less cared all that much. Is the sense of community derived from the uniforms or is it from being among other kids? I'm guessing it would be the latter.
This sentence I found a bit disingenuous:
Uniforms, teachers say, have become a no-nonsense way to stave off distractions.
What kind of distractions are they referring to? Chances are it's women, as people don't tend to find branded t-shirts or ripped jeans "distracting" for more than a few seconds, but when I was in middle school and high school, teachers insisted that low-cut tops and short-shorts were drawing all the young mens' eyes away from their work. Spoiler alert: you get used to it pretty quickly, and being bisexual I had a lot more potential distractions, yet I did just fine. In marching band our director let us take off our shirts during practice, and seeing bare-chested guys and girls in sports bras didn't cause me to forget my sets or miss notes. Requiring uniforms is easier than banning skimpy clothing and making judgement calls when kids inevitably push the boundaries, though, so I can see why administrators would be tempted to take the easy way out.
I would have hoped uniforms would continue to die off, especially as our culture grows more understanding of gender issues. In addition, it places a burden on low-income students. This article portrays it as a money saver, but if the uniform requirements can't be met at a thrift store, you rely on charity. The school might give you a couple uniforms for free, but will they give you more if you outgrow them or it rips beyond repair before the year is up? Not everyone can afford to go "buying mandated polos and pants in bulk and splurging on accessories such as sneakers and backpacks."
School administrators say uniforms promote equality and cut costs because parents can buy one set of clothes for the year without having to worry about coordinating outfits or designer labels.
This is the most upper middle class thing I have ever read. "It's great, now I don't have to buy my kids carefully-paired designer clothes anymore!" My mother used to be obsessed with designer clothes until her parents started giving her a set amount of cash to buy clothes with. She could buy whatever she wanted but quickly realized how much farther her money would go if she stuck to clearance racks and thrift shops, and she could get herself some sweet treats and toys with the leftover money. Maybe these parents should consider trying that sometime.
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Comment on School uniforms are on the rise — even for toddlers — and it’s changing back-to-school shopping in ~life
Rainbow Link ParentAgreed. It took awhile for me to realize I was trans but I know people are beginning to realize this at a younger age now since trans people are much more visible in society and resources are more...Agreed. It took awhile for me to realize I was trans but I know people are beginning to realize this at a younger age now since trans people are much more visible in society and resources are more readily available. Everyone transitions differently, and uniforms make it difficult to transition in a way you might be comfortable with. Some people might want to grow out their hair and start wearing the opposite gender's clothing immediately, others might continue to wear their existing clothing until they are certain they will be accepted, and I doubt many administrators are thinking about having multiple gender neutral options, or about how accepting they will be of students who do not identify with their AGAB. (Then there's the tendency for dress codes/uniform rules to coincide with grooming restrictions like hair length and makeup which can really make it difficult to transition.)
Ultimately, these impose difficult restrictions on gender non-conforming individuals. Even with gender-neutral options, it can be harder to experiment with being non-binary or androgynous because gender roles become much more rigidly defined and suddenly buying a more neutral uniform would make it obvious you might be having questions about your identity.
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentI'm bi so I can't really relate to that specifically, but it was when I was a teenager that the idea of "being a man" was more expected of us and I couldn't really understand what all that...I started increasingly feeling like a fish out of water when my guy friends started talking more and more about girls. It was like a foreign language to me -- what did they mean when they said that girl was "hot"?!
I'm bi so I can't really relate to that specifically, but it was when I was a teenager that the idea of "being a man" was more expected of us and I couldn't really understand what all that entailed or why I would want to go along with it. (If r/egg_irl existed and I knew about it when I was in high school, I would have probably figured things out before college.)
We met, of all places, on reddit.
Now that's unexpected. Are you honest about this if anyone asks? How did this start, did you trawl his post history (or vice versa) and start regularly replying to each other?
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentI'm going to guess you're trans then? Is this normal where you are or is there a story behind this? I want to hear both if feel like typing them out!Two.
I'm going to guess you're trans then?
Been out for a while now. Helped that I was living on my own by fifteen; there was no reason to be. It was fantastic.
Is this normal where you are or is there a story behind this?
Depending on which of us you ask, paramilitary in Africa or an international writing association; her story's more fun, mine's more accurate.
I want to hear both if feel like typing them out!
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentThat's impressive. I live in a large city and I've seen my fair share of bigotry, I would have expected Hawaii to be a lot worse. I feel you (kinda). My mom suspected I was autistic (back when...I've yet to witness an incident of bigotry even after living here for about 2 years now
That's impressive. I live in a large city and I've seen my fair share of bigotry, I would have expected Hawaii to be a lot worse.
I have Asperger's Syndrome and a moderately strong case of social anxiety. I struggle enough just making friends, I think a relationship would be too much for me.
I feel you (kinda). My mom suspected I was autistic (back when that was a diagnosis) and a specialist said I was borderline high-functioning autistic. Friendships were always harder to come by, and I had to figure out relationships in college. I messed up a lot of potential friendships by doing dumb stuff. My wife has been very patient with me over the years.
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow Link ParentI wasn't sure which this belonged in, it seems like both but there was a previous lgbt-oriented thread here.I wasn't sure which this belonged in, it seems like both but there was a previous lgbt-oriented thread here.
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Comment on LGBTQ individuals, how's life? in ~lgbt
Rainbow (edited )LinkI've written my own answers as a comment. For reference, I'm a 27 year old trans woman (MtF), and I consider myself bisexual (and biromantic, though I've always gravitated towards women). When did...- Exemplary
I've written my own answers as a comment. For reference, I'm a 27 year old trans woman (MtF), and I consider myself bisexual (and biromantic, though I've always gravitated towards women).
- When did you realize you weren't cis/straight/etc?
I knew I was bi since high school (never experimented until college though), but I never really had dysphoria until college, but I never exactly "felt like a man", either. In my junior year of college, a female friend mentioned she was going to get rid of some old clothes and I asked if I could try them on, and seeing myself in a dress made me realize that this was what I wanted. It was like something clicked and after taking off the clothes I started to experience dysphoria, which only got worse as I mulled over it more and more on my own. I guess my friend must have realized how happy I was with it on because she let me keep her old clothes. Eventually I came out to her and she was very supportive, helping to teach me how to do makeup and picking out clothes with me, but that took several months to finally admit to myself. (She is now my wife but I'll get to that in a bit.) For the first year of my transition I refused to use anything but family or single occupant restrooms because I didn't think I'd pass well enough to avoid harassment.
- Are you out or still in the closet?
My family and friends know. I pass decently well at this point so I don't get many people asking (and if I don't know them well I'm not going to tell them the truth).
- How's the social situation where you live? (Are you accepted?)
My grandparents are still a bit iffy but my parents fully support me and most of my cousins. There have been a few less than pleasant encounters in the past (just verbal harassment) but it's fairly rare at this point. It probably helps that I live in a larger city now.
- In a relationship? If so, how did you meet?
As I mentioned above, I am married to a (bisexual homoromantic) woman. We met in marching band in our first year (I played trumpet, she was on alto sax) and became close friends. She was the first person I came out to and my first (and so far, only) partner after I began my transition. I had had a crush on her for awhile but never acted on it as a man (I didn't realize she was bisexual since I only ever heard about her female dates).
Our relationship first began around 6 months into my transition. I had came out to my grandparents and they were very vocal in their disapproval. I was devastated and came to her a complete wreck. She let me spill everything out, comforting me and making sure I didn't neglect myself. Eventually she offered to let me spend the night with her and I said sure. I got into her bed and she said to wake her up if I wanted to talk or needed anything. She probably saved my life that night, I was honestly ready to end it after the verbal abuse my grandparents gave me. She fell asleep first so I had time to think to myself, and I realized my feelings for her were more than a crush at that point. In the morning I told her I thought of her as much more than just a friend and asked if we could go on a date and she said yes. 3 years ago I proposed to her.
- Anything on your mind? (Doesn't have to be related to your identity/orientation.)
My manager said he's recommending me to take over his position when he retires later this year. I've always wanted to do management work, it'll be interesting.
Edit: Phrasing.
Edit 2: Note about bathroom usage. -
LGBTQ individuals, how's life?
I'm curious how many of us there are on here. This was asked awhile ago but I'm curious how things might have changed since then. Some ideas for discussion: When did you realize you weren't...
I'm curious how many of us there are on here. This was asked awhile ago but I'm curious how things might have changed since then. Some ideas for discussion:
- When did you realize you weren't cis/straight/etc?
- Are you out or still in the closet?
- How's the social situation where you live? (Are you accepted?)
- In a relationship? If so, how did you meet?
- Anything on your mind? (Doesn't have to be related to your identity/orientation.)
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Comment on Worst weather experience? in ~talk
Rainbow LinkThe worst I've ever been through was a severe ice storm in my hometown. We had no power for an entire week and had to go to a family friend's place because our gas fireplace couldn't make enough...The worst I've ever been through was a severe ice storm in my hometown. We had no power for an entire week and had to go to a family friend's place because our gas fireplace couldn't make enough of a dent, even with every warm piece of clothing we had on. But I barely remember that, I only remember staying at our friend's house, not any of the severe cold.
The worst I remember was in college. There was a severe thunderstorm lasted about an hour, and knocked out power for days. It was in the high 90s outside, and only barely better inside. We had the windows all the way open in our dorms but it barely helped. It was cooler in the common area than in our rooms so I made some very close friends talking late into the night. We also drank a lot because there was a fair amount of alcohol that required refrigeration on our floor and people didn't want it to go to waste.
I've never dealt with flooding, tornadoes, or hurricanes. I've been within a few miles of a tornado during high school, but it didn't come close to us.
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Comment on Usage share of desktop internet browsers 1996–2019 in ~tech
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Comment on A Welsh town will install anti-sex toilets that could spray users with water in ~design
Rainbow LinkThis sounds like it could go very wrong. Knowing how inaccurate some self-flushing toilets are (and we've had decades to work out all the kinks in those), I would probably not want to use this....Meanwhile, any violent movement will automatically open doors and sound high-pitched alarms with a fine water jet soaking the individual cubicles.
This sounds like it could go very wrong. Knowing how inaccurate some self-flushing toilets are (and we've had decades to work out all the kinks in those), I would probably not want to use this.
The materials used for the walls and floors are graffiti-resistant while ‘SOS’ buttons will open doors automatically and alert the warden control system.
What is a "warden control system"? I've only heard wardens referred to in the context of a jail or prison.
I do not think the media properly covered the sheer hate and stupidity of both the straight pride marchers and the police. There is so much shit to talk about here.
I love this quote:
Thanks for clarifying, the part of the Bill of Rights (which amends the foundation of our nation, the Constitution) where it says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof" really tripped me up there.
Ignoring the fact that he never specified which side he fought in, it's good to know KKK members who have ancestors who fought for the Union can't be racist.
ACAB. Police need to be held accountable for their actions. You shouldn't be allowed to get military surplus gear if you're not held to the same standards as the military.