71 votes

Hey tilders, how many of us are queer?

If there's roughly ~2,000 subscribers I'm figuring there's probably at least a dozen of us. I normally don't like to broach the subject of sexual- and gender-identity but in new spaces I find it's nice to know how many people like me there are.

For clarity's sake I'm defining "queer" as a catch all like LGBT+.

142 comments

  1. Triseult
    Link
    I'm not, but I do my best to be an ally. One love!

    I'm not, but I do my best to be an ally. One love!

    50 votes
  2. [24]
    Cleb
    Link
    Reporting in, trans and also extremely gay.

    Reporting in, trans and also extremely gay.

    25 votes
    1. [24]
      Comment deleted by author
      Link Parent
      1. [20]
        ShallanButGay
        Link Parent
        Not OP, but also trans and gay. You're good, not being offensive at all. I always love when people actually ask these things instead of getting perhaps false secondhand information. The thing to...

        Not OP, but also trans and gay. You're good, not being offensive at all. I always love when people actually ask these things instead of getting perhaps false secondhand information.
        The thing to remember is, pre-transition we were still the same gender- we just didn't look like it. There's a wide range when people actually realize this, but it's very much the same as sexuality in that respect.
        And yes, it would be the identified gender that we'd be attracted to.
        Hot tip- assigned gender works better as a term.
        I hope this was helpful, and please say if you have any other questions- I'd love to get deeper into this.

        32 votes
        1. [2]
          Parliament
          Link Parent
          This is such a succinct way of putting it that I've never heard. I do have a question actually. A not insignificant number of the trans people I've met have also been gay. Is this just my...

          The thing to remember is, pre-transition we were still the same gender- we just didn't look like it.

          This is such a succinct way of putting it that I've never heard.

          I do have a question actually. A not insignificant number of the trans people I've met have also been gay. Is this just my anecdotal experience, or does the trans population actually have a higher percent of gay people compared to the general population? And I realize that statistics for this kind of thing aren't always reliable/available due to under-reporting, misclassification, etc. Just wondering if that was also your experience and why you think that phenomenon exists given your perspective.

          8 votes
          1. BuckeyeSundae
            Link Parent
            I would think the difficulties in coming up with a random sample large enough to make meaningful statements would impede this sort of question as well. It isn't like there is some database out...

            I would think the difficulties in coming up with a random sample large enough to make meaningful statements would impede this sort of question as well. It isn't like there is some database out there that tracks all this information (at least, I hope there isn't because well ... Chechnya).

            5 votes
        2. [10]
          Grapevine
          Link Parent
          I'm sure this will come off as incredibly offensive, but it's something I've always wanted to ask someone and you seem like you'd be fine at least explaining it. I'm straight and cis, though I was...

          I'm sure this will come off as incredibly offensive, but it's something I've always wanted to ask someone and you seem like you'd be fine at least explaining it.

          I'm straight and cis, though I was very questioning when I was younger; only thing that could be considered slightly queer about me today is that I'm a furry, but not in the sexual sense so even that doesn't really apply. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't have the most experience in the thought (or what I would assume is lack of thought, more just nature) of being queer. While I'm a full supporter of people doing whatever they want to with themselves and their bodies, I've always considered the transgender community to be reinforcing gender norms in our society. I guess my question is if you know what feeling goes behind thinking of oneself as the opposite gender? Is it because one feels more feminine or masculine than any of their friends of the same gender? Is it feeling more comfortable around people of the opposite gender? Is it something as simple as not feeling like your parts suit you?

          I would love a response, this is something I've been wondering for years but always been afraid to ask out of fear of backlash, haha.

          8 votes
          1. [9]
            ShallanButGay
            Link Parent
            Well, first of all, I wouldn't worry so much about being offensive- in my experience as long as you make it clear you're approaching with an open mind and an honest intent to learn, people are...

            Well, first of all, I wouldn't worry so much about being offensive- in my experience as long as you make it clear you're approaching with an open mind and an honest intent to learn, people are pretty cool about it. It's when you get into questions like "How does it feel to know you're going to Hell?" that you're going to get a more vitriolic response.
            I guess I'll just go through what you're asking and try to hit as many points as I can.
            In regards to the gender norms, by which I assume you mean that people transitioning often want to appear as much like their actual gender as they can, I do agree with you to a certain extent. A lot of that is simply from the fact that, when you've spent the first however many years of your life being shunted into one category, it's pretty fun to explore the other. I know a lot of trans people identify as genderqueer or fluid, meaning they don't think of themselves as one or the other, but I'd imagine they also enjoy trying the things they couldn't earlier in life.
            Perhaps another facet to this is that, much like you may have heard that the biggest homophobes are often closeted themselves due to internalized self-hatred, although I would be deeply skeptical of any statistic purporting that was true to any meaningful percentage, trans people who are questioning their gender may try to seem more like their assigned one as an attempt to stamp out their confusing feelings. And then, later on, they haven't done anything related in the slightest to their preferred gender.
            And now to the meat of the question- what does it mean or how would you even know to be trans?
            The traditional response is "how do you know you're cis?" but although it is quite pithy and suitable for deflecting unwanted attention in a large group I find it unhelpful on the whole.
            To be honest, I'd say it encompasses everything you've mentioned. I don't believe there are specific terms for the first few, but if you're interested in further reading you might look up "gender dysphoria".
            I would say for me, the largest factor that led to my realization was how I related to characters in media. I would find myself ignoring or not caring about the ones of my assigned gender, while the ones I wanted to be were all the opposite.
            I hope this was helpful, and please do say if there's anything else you'd like to ask about.

            10 votes
            1. [8]
              Grapevine
              Link Parent
              You definitely answered a lot of what I was asking, but not everything; rereading what I wrote, I wasn't exactly clear about certain parts of my question. What I meant when saying that transgender...

              You definitely answered a lot of what I was asking, but not everything; rereading what I wrote, I wasn't exactly clear about certain parts of my question.

              What I meant when saying that transgender culture naturally reinforces gender norms is the thought that one can feel as if they're a certain gender. From my view, gender and sex are synonyms, and both are simply biological. Being a feminine man or a "butch" woman is completely fine and normal. Where I get confused is when someone says that they can feel "like a man" or "like a woman" when in my mind that's unrelated to gender. While men and women do have perceived differences, I feel like we as a society should be working to dismiss those perceptions.

              I think the main difference in thought between us is you presumably defining gender as a spectrum of masculinity or femininity and feeling the need to put oneself on said spectrum, when I instead view that spectrum as independent from gender and something that can't be nor needs to be defined, as every one is on a different spot.

              I can certainly relate to the anecdote that the biggest homophobes are generally homophobic themselves, as like I said I was questioning in my gender myself when I was younger; when I was in middle school, pretty much all of my friends were girls. I was straight and always have been, but I always felt like I fit in more with women. When I got into high school, I fought that feeling as much as I could; I drank, I smoked, I played on our baseball team, I got in fights, etc, anything to feel more "manly". The conclusion I eventually came to is that being a more feminine man (only slightly though, I did enjoy a lot of that early highschool experience haha) isn't a bad thing. I don't have to be a woman to be feminine, I don't have to be gay to act stereotypically so, I just have to be who I am.

              In this example, there are a lot of things about me that obviously fit female stereotypes, and a lot of things about me that obviously fit male stereotypes, and that's exactly my point. No one is completely masculine, no one is completely feminine, and just because you're not as masculine or feminine as those around you doesn't mean you're a different gender.

              My main concern in writing this is someone seeing it as an attack, as if I consider the way they feel invalid. I absolutely want people to feel comfortable within themselves, and if transitioning helps them do that then I'm all for it, I just try my best to understand how transitioning helps them.

              (wow this got really long, sorry I'm making you read this all but I'm just trying to get all my thoughts out haha)

              4 votes
              1. [4]
                lesalecop
                Link Parent
                I don't really know how else to put it other than that trans people (or at least not all trans people) don't try to argue that the masculinity/feminity of one's behaviors dictate whether they are...

                I don't really know how else to put it other than that trans people (or at least not all trans people) don't try to argue that the masculinity/feminity of one's behaviors dictate whether they are a man or woman. Like you said, there are masculine cis women and feminine cis men. So too, you should note, are there masculine trans women and feminine trans men.

                I myself am pretty masculine for a woman. I don't wear make-up. I wear rather baggy and schlubby clothes. Vast majority of my friends are guys. Most of the media I consume is generally considered "guyish" stuff. I'm pretty vulgar and indecent overall. I never really had interest in a lot of feminine clothes or activities or really acting feminine, even when I was a guy, so it's not like I transitioned just to fit into gender norms. On the contrary really, now that I'm a woman, my behavior very much goes against gender norms.

                I can't tell you what "feeling like a woman" is, I couldn't tell you what "feeling like a man" is. I just feel like me. What I can tell you is that when I had male hormone ranges, had a male bodily appearance, considered myself and lived as a man, I experienced persistent suffering. Suffering so unending and severe I likely would not have made it to age 20. But now that I have female hormone ranges, have a female bodily appearance, live as and consider myself a woman, I live happily and healthily. I still enjoy the same hobbies that I used to. I'm essentially the same person I was before just a different gender and without the crippled mental health.

                Actually maybe I can describe what "feeling like X" is. Feeling like a man is feeling comfortable considering yourself a man. Feeling like a woman is feeling comfortable considering yourself a woman.

                9 votes
                1. [3]
                  Grapevine
                  Link Parent
                  That's fair, I guess I was just wondering how simple of a feeling it was? Like I said I'm glad that people can find what makes them happiest, I just want to try to see why something like this...

                  That's fair, I guess I was just wondering how simple of a feeling it was? Like I said I'm glad that people can find what makes them happiest, I just want to try to see why something like this would make you feel happier. I've never known a feminine trans man or masculine trans woman, although in hindsight that probably just means it was a well done transition! I live in California, I'm sure someone I know is and I just don't know it :P

                  I guess "I don't know either it just does" should've been what I expected, I doubt anyone really understands happiness on that sort of level, so I appreciate the response for at least making me just be like 'duh, idk why I'm happy either, why would they', haha.

                  3 votes
                  1. [2]
                    lesalecop
                    Link Parent
                    Oof, that's a difficult one. My answer could very easily be different from other people's, but I'll do my best to describe my experience. Something about living as a man just didn't feel...worth...

                    I guess I was just wondering how simple of a feeling it was? I just want to try to see why something like this would make you feel happier.

                    Oof, that's a difficult one. My answer could very easily be different from other people's, but I'll do my best to describe my experience.

                    Something about living as a man just didn't feel...worth it? It's hard to describe. A lot of trans people would say it feels wrong or causes them disgust or revulsion. For me the thought of it just left me entirely without a reason to go on. Just completely unfulfilling and ungratifying. It just wasn't something I could see myself enjoying at all or doing my entire life.

                    Now though, I feel like I actually enjoy life and I feel eager to keep on living. It's gratifying and just...feels worth it really.

                    So I guess I wouldn't describe it as simple. It took me years of suffering to figure out what the hell was wrong.

                    I don't know for sure why, that's just how my brain is wired I suppose. There's a lot of data out there showing gender identity having a neurological basis:

                    https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn20032-transsexual-differences-caught-on-brain-scan

                    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7477289

                    http://www.journalofpsychiatricresearch.com/article/S0022-3956%2810%2900158-5/abstract

                    http://courses.biology.utah.edu/carrier/3320/sexual%20diff.%20papers/Prenatal%20testosterone.pdf

                    http://docs.autismresearchcentre.com/papers/2013_Auyeung_Prenatal%20and%20postnatal%20hormone%20effects_EuJPhysio.pdf

                    https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1d9KKqP9IHa5ZxU84a_Jf0vIoAh7e8nj_lCW27KbYBh0/edit?pli=1#gid=0)

                    http://aebrain.blogspot.co.uk/p/transsexual-and-intersex-gender-identity.html

                    5 votes
                    1. Grapevine
                      Link Parent
                      Oh, sorry, I didn't mean simple as in simple to comprehend, but rather that it's a short answer that's obvious in hindsight, haha. I've actually never heard of there being neurological basis in...

                      Oh, sorry, I didn't mean simple as in simple to comprehend, but rather that it's a short answer that's obvious in hindsight, haha.

                      I've actually never heard of there being neurological basis in gender dysphoria, that's really interesting (and kinda makes me with Tildes had a "save" option since I don't have time for all these at the moment xP), will definitely try to look into these!

                      I really do appreciate these responses, by the way, one of the things I love most is learning how other people think, and sometimes it's difficult to get legitimate answers out of people for that sort of thing.

                      4 votes
              2. [3]
                ShallanButGay
                Link Parent
                Honestly, I'm not sure what to say, but not in an offended sense. Transitioning specifically addresses body dysphoria, or the feeling that you're trapped in a body that does not match with what it...

                Honestly, I'm not sure what to say, but not in an offended sense.
                Transitioning specifically addresses body dysphoria, or the feeling that you're trapped in a body that does not match with what it is supposed to be.
                I don't know that there even is an equivalent to gender I could use as a comparison, because in terms of societal constructs it's pretty much the most important one we have. I guess I'll just propose this: what if your life was exactly the same as it is right now, except everyone thought of you as female, referred to you as she, and your body had the corresponding parts? Would you feel comfortable still?

                1 vote
                1. [2]
                  Grapevine
                  Link Parent
                  Yes. I'm not saying yes to prove a point, I would legitimately be fine with that, because I feel no connection to gender one way or the other. I would still do all the same things I do now, I'd...

                  Yes. I'm not saying yes to prove a point, I would legitimately be fine with that, because I feel no connection to gender one way or the other. I would still do all the same things I do now, I'd just probably be harassed on Instagram a lot more haha. That's where my misunderstanding comes. If I was a woman, I would feel no compulsion to become a man, just as how I feel no compulsion as a man to become a woman.

                  I agree about the difficulty in describing it though, there isn't really anything else to tie it to so I'm struggling to think of anything too!

                  1. ShallanButGay
                    Link Parent
                    I don't think many other people would have the same answer, so it's likely it's your own personal relationship with gender that's making it difficult for you to understand some of this.

                    I don't think many other people would have the same answer, so it's likely it's your own personal relationship with gender that's making it difficult for you to understand some of this.

                    1 vote
        3. [5]
          dice
          Link Parent
          Sorry to be off topic, but as far as I can tell there isn't a way to PM people yet. Just wondering if your name is from Shallan Davar of Brandon Sanderson's Stomlight Archive series?

          Sorry to be off topic, but as far as I can tell there isn't a way to PM people yet.

          Just wondering if your name is from Shallan Davar of Brandon Sanderson's Stomlight Archive series?

          3 votes
          1. cfabbro
            Link Parent
            Click on a username (or type it into address bar https://tildes.net/u/usernamehere) and click the blue "Send a private message" button on the sidebar. ;)

            Click on a username (or type it into address bar https://tildes.net/u/usernamehere) and click the blue "Send a private message" button on the sidebar. ;)

            5 votes
          2. [3]
            ShallanButGay
            Link Parent
            Yes, it very much is! Very chuffing to have someone recognize it.

            Yes, it very much is! Very chuffing to have someone recognize it.

            3 votes
            1. [2]
              BeskarKomrk
              Link Parent
              I read a few of your comments before I actually looked at the username, but then I laughed hysterically for about five minutes about it because I always read Shallan as being bi.

              I read a few of your comments before I actually looked at the username, but then I laughed hysterically for about five minutes about it because I always read Shallan as being bi.

              1 vote
              1. ShallanButGay
                Link Parent
                If I can't have Shasnah I will settle for Shalladin, but it is DEFINITELY settling

                If I can't have Shasnah I will settle for Shalladin, but it is DEFINITELY settling

        4. [3]
          Comment deleted by author
          Link Parent
          1. [2]
            Cleb
            Link Parent
            Not them and your question seems kinda half-jokey, but it's not the suffering olympics. We're all in this world together and we all just want to be as comfortable with ourselves as possible. It...

            Not them and your question seems kinda half-jokey, but it's not the suffering olympics. We're all in this world together and we all just want to be as comfortable with ourselves as possible. It might take some of us longer to get there, but we'll get there.

            7 votes
            1. [2]
              Comment deleted by author
              Link Parent
              1. Cleb
                Link Parent
                Not in a bad joke kind of way, in a lighthearted kind of "you guys go through a lot" kind of way or like if your friend did something amazing kind of way. It wouldn't be offensive if it was a joke...

                Not in a bad joke kind of way, in a lighthearted kind of "you guys go through a lot" kind of way or like if your friend did something amazing kind of way. It wouldn't be offensive if it was a joke and it's hard to tell over text sometimes.

                3 votes
      2. [2]
        Cleb
        Link Parent
        @ShallanButGay hit it very correctly and went into more depth than I probably would have been able to put into words, it means I am attracted to my identified gender. No worries, I understand and...

        @ShallanButGay hit it very correctly and went into more depth than I probably would have been able to put into words, it means I am attracted to my identified gender. No worries, I understand and I would much rather have someone ask if they're not sure what it means.

        9 votes
        1. Ten
          Link Parent
          Reporting in trans and gay, too.

          Reporting in trans and gay, too.

          2 votes
      3. lesalecop
        Link Parent
        Butting in here kinda late to share my experience with my sexuality as a trans person cuz why not. I actually always considered myself straight, before and after transition. Who I was attracted to...

        Butting in here kinda late to share my experience with my sexuality as a trans person cuz why not.

        I actually always considered myself straight, before and after transition. Who I was attracted to didn't really change either.

        I had always been attracted to the idea of a straight relationship, even when I was a guy. The problem is, I didn't want to be the guy in a relationship. I never wanted to be someone's boyfriend, I wanted to be someone's girlfriend. Because that felt impossible at the time, I simply clung to this vague, third person perspective of my desire for a relationship and intimacy.

        I was attracted to boys, but felt completely unable to realize that because I was a guy, and a guy x guy relationship just wasn't appealing to me. I often found myself admiring guys from afar thinking "if I was a girl I'd love to date him".

        One of the things that made me realize I was trans was when I caught myself telling my best friend (now boyfriend), "I wish I was a girl so we could be together".

        8 votes
  3. [4]
    AlastrionaCatskill
    Link
    Trans and bi gal here!

    Trans and bi gal here!

    23 votes
    1. [2]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      my people!

      my people!

      9 votes
      1. AlastrionaCatskill
        Link Parent
        I don't identify on my gender and orientation - I identify on my job and personality more than anything.

        I don't identify on my gender and orientation - I identify on my job and personality more than anything.

        6 votes
    2. TheyThemDawn
      Link Parent
      Aw man, you commented for me :( Bi and trans, hai friends!

      Aw man, you commented for me :(
      Bi and trans, hai friends!

      6 votes
  4. [5]
    lesalecop
    Link
    Trans woman here. Really hope the general tone of discussion of GSM topics shapes up better here than it does on Reddit's main subs.

    Trans woman here. Really hope the general tone of discussion of GSM topics shapes up better here than it does on Reddit's main subs.

    21 votes
    1. michelle
      Link Parent
      me too! so far so good. we had one bad egg in the topic but otherwise everyone has been great. it's nice to know that you can talk earnestly about something like being queer.

      me too! so far so good. we had one bad egg in the topic but otherwise everyone has been great. it's nice to know that you can talk earnestly about something like being queer.

      5 votes
    2. EsteeBestee
      Link Parent
      In most cases on Reddit it's been okay, but there's still a good amount of transphobia. Thankfully it gets downvoted usually. But I do hope that Tildes is a bit better in that regard!

      In most cases on Reddit it's been okay, but there's still a good amount of transphobia. Thankfully it gets downvoted usually. But I do hope that Tildes is a bit better in that regard!

      2 votes
    3. TheyThemDawn
      Link Parent
      I’m keeping an eye out too, hope we can find a place here

      I’m keeping an eye out too, hope we can find a place here

      1 vote
    4. WithYouInSpirit
      Link Parent
      It's something that often upsets me modding 2 of the bigger subs. The sheer amount of ignorance and bigotry simply doesnt make sense in this age.

      It's something that often upsets me modding 2 of the bigger subs. The sheer amount of ignorance and bigotry simply doesnt make sense in this age.

  5. [11]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. [3]
      tvfj
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      It's an umbrella term for basically any gender or sexual minorities. In other words, anyone who isn't straight and/or isn't cisgender. It also has a second use for people who are not strictly L,...

      It's an umbrella term for basically any gender or sexual minorities. In other words, anyone who isn't straight and/or isn't cisgender. It also has a second use for people who are not strictly L, G, B, or T, which is why LGBTQ is a thing.

      14 votes
      1. [2]
        Comment deleted by author
        Link Parent
        1. tvfj
          Link Parent
          Thanks for asking respectfully <3

          Thanks for asking respectfully <3

          9 votes
      2. Pykors
        Link Parent
        I really liked the term SAGA (sexuality and gender awareness) more than queer, but that does seem to be what caught on as an umbrella term.

        I really liked the term SAGA (sexuality and gender awareness) more than queer, but that does seem to be what caught on as an umbrella term.

    2. [4]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      LGBT+, I'd say. I know that in the LGBT community "queer" isn't fully supported so I hope I didn't step on any toes. I personally like to stay vague and I like the undefined nature of "queer" so I...

      LGBT+, I'd say. I know that in the LGBT community "queer" isn't fully supported so I hope I didn't step on any toes. I personally like to stay vague and I like the undefined nature of "queer" so I use it a lot, especially when describing myself.

      6 votes
      1. [4]
        Comment deleted by author
        Link Parent
        1. michelle
          Link Parent
          fair enough! thanks for saying something, though. I edited the topic so hopefully it's a little clearer for everyone.

          fair enough! thanks for saying something, though. I edited the topic so hopefully it's a little clearer for everyone.

          1 vote
        2. [2]
          AirStryke
          Link Parent
          I always thought it was something slightly different, since I've seen Q thrown on the end of LGBT before as (what I assumed was) a catchall for everything else. OP is right when they said the word...

          I always thought it was something slightly different, since I've seen Q thrown on the end of LGBT before as (what I assumed was) a catchall for everything else. OP is right when they said the word didn't exactly have a solid, definite meaning. It could really be used to describe pretty much anything encompassed by "not straight."

          1 vote
          1. tvfj
            Link Parent
            That is an additional meaning for it, but I don't think most people really consider it to mean just those who fall through the cracks when it's on its own, because there's no reason to address...

            That is an additional meaning for it, but I don't think most people really consider it to mean just those who fall through the cracks when it's on its own, because there's no reason to address just those people.

            1 vote
    3. [3]
      Whom
      Link Parent
      In addition to what others have said, it gets around the problem of "why do I have to memorize such a long acronym?" and the various complaints that come along with that. Turns out, it's hard to...

      In addition to what others have said, it gets around the problem of "why do I have to memorize such a long acronym?" and the various complaints that come along with that.

      Turns out, it's hard to be inclusive with an acronym, so it either gets really long or doesn't represent everyone you're trying to talk about. So it's easier just to say "queer" and understand that it encompasses all of that.

      Of course, there's still arguments about what counts as queer, but it isn't as directly in-your-face inflammatory with that kind of stuff as the acronyms are.

      5 votes
      1. tvfj
        Link Parent
        I like GSM, for Gender and Sexual Minorities, mostly because L G and B are all places on the sexuality spectrum, and LGBT doesn't necessarily represent asexual and nonbinary people well. But I...

        I like GSM, for Gender and Sexual Minorities, mostly because L G and B are all places on the sexuality spectrum, and LGBT doesn't necessarily represent asexual and nonbinary people well.

        But I tend to use LGBT and LGBTQ since no one knows what GSM means lol

        5 votes
  6. [4]
    Silbern
    (edited )
    Link
    Another gay boy here :D I hope sometime soon we can get a discussion forum for LGBT here. Most of reddit's gay subreddits are either not very good for discussion (/r/lgbt and /r/ainbow mostly just...

    Another gay boy here :D I hope sometime soon we can get a discussion forum for LGBT here. Most of reddit's gay subreddits are either not very good for discussion (/r/lgbt and /r/ainbow mostly just post news articles), and /r/askgaybros is a seriously toxic shithole and a perfect example of what Tilde is trying not to become. /r/lgbteens is the best one of the bunch despite being entirely run by teenagers, surprisingly, but when you're 19 it's kind of awkward sometimes.

    16 votes
    1. [3]
      tvfj
      Link Parent
      Do you think there should be a dedicated ~lgbt, or something like that?

      Do you think there should be a dedicated ~lgbt, or something like that?

      5 votes
      1. [2]
        Silbern
        Link Parent
        I think it'd be a good idea, since there aren't that many of us, and then we could split it into the subforums like ~lgbt.gay, ~lgbt.lesbian, ~lgbt.trans etc. Since Tilde will eventually have good...

        I think it'd be a good idea, since there aren't that many of us, and then we could split it into the subforums like ~lgbt.gay, ~lgbt.lesbian, ~lgbt.trans etc. Since Tilde will eventually have good support for bubbling posts up to the main tilde, I think that would work pretty well :D but in the short term, since we don't have sub-Tildes yet, probably best to stick with ~lgbt for now at least.

        5 votes
        1. RobotRaven
          Link Parent
          I rather liked u/tvjf's post here on subgroupings and a ~society group, although I think maybe sexuality and gender could be combined, and branch off into subgroupings.

          I rather liked u/tvjf's post here on subgroupings and a ~society group, although I think maybe sexuality and gender could be combined, and branch off into subgroupings.

          3 votes
  7. techlos
    Link
    Intersex and pan here, ended up transitioning because my parents guessed wrong when it came to choosing how to raise me. It's good to see there's a queer community building here too.

    Intersex and pan here, ended up transitioning because my parents guessed wrong when it came to choosing how to raise me. It's good to see there's a queer community building here too.

    16 votes
  8. [2]
    sunblasts
    Link
    Hello, I'm pan! (or bi? either label is cool!) Totally in love with all sorts of people over here. :)

    Hello, I'm pan! (or bi? either label is cool!) Totally in love with all sorts of people over here. :)

    14 votes
    1. Boudicasfolly
      Link Parent
      Serious question, what's pan to you? I always considered myself bi, cause someone being a man/women, trans/cis never really affected my attraction. We joke I'm polymorphous perverse.

      Serious question, what's pan to you? I always considered myself bi, cause someone being a man/women, trans/cis never really affected my attraction.

      We joke I'm polymorphous perverse.

  9. Whom
    Link
    Hello! I'm trans and very very gay. Hopefully we'll be able to carve out a lil space for us once the hierarchy system is in place.

    Hello! I'm trans and very very gay. Hopefully we'll be able to carve out a lil space for us once the hierarchy system is in place.

    13 votes
  10. [4]
    EsteeBestee
    (edited )
    Link
    I'm MtF trans. Been transitioning for a bit over a year and I've been on HRT since November. Hi everyone! Edit:. If anybody here ever needs to talk or vent about gender or sexuality issues, hit me...

    I'm MtF trans. Been transitioning for a bit over a year and I've been on HRT since November. Hi everyone!

    Edit:. If anybody here ever needs to talk or vent about gender or sexuality issues, hit me up. I'd be more than happy to help people out =)

    13 votes
    1. [3]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      hey congrats! how's your transition been going, if you don't mind me asking?

      hey congrats! how's your transition been going, if you don't mind me asking?

      4 votes
      1. [2]
        EsteeBestee
        Link Parent
        Fantastic! I've been fortunate to pass basically since I came out socially. So I've mostly been stealth. At this point my life is kinda normal, but I started dating which is... Interesting. There...

        Fantastic! I've been fortunate to pass basically since I came out socially. So I've mostly been stealth. At this point my life is kinda normal, but I started dating which is... Interesting. There are a lot of guys that I make plans with and it turns out they don't know I'm trans even though my profile on Tinder says so lol.

        4 votes
        1. michelle
          Link Parent
          that's fantastic! being able to be stealth is pretty much the best you can hope for. be safe with the dating, friend!

          that's fantastic! being able to be stealth is pretty much the best you can hope for. be safe with the dating, friend!

          1 vote
  11. [2]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. michelle
      Link Parent
      sexuality is so dang weird. I thought I liked just girls, then I thought I might prefer dudes, then I was certain it was girls only for me but I'd make out with boys for fun and now I'm sure I'm...

      sexuality is so dang weird. I thought I liked just girls, then I thought I might prefer dudes, then I was certain it was girls only for me but I'd make out with boys for fun and now I'm sure I'm bi buuut I'm not comfortable pinning it down because that's more stressful than it needs to be. I think the point of that rambling story is that you might find comfort in kind of playing it loosey-goosey.

      5 votes
  12. [2]
    Mistissippi
    Link
    Lesbian checking in. This is a surprisingly gay site. I’m happy to be here.

    Lesbian checking in. This is a surprisingly gay site. I’m happy to be here.

    10 votes
    1. michelle
      Link Parent
      right! the turnout is pretty impressive.

      right! the turnout is pretty impressive.

      7 votes
  13. [2]
    KCoyote123
    Link
    Dose ace count for anything?

    Dose ace count for anything?

    10 votes
  14. [2]
    MsZapatista
    Link
    Hey! Trans lesbian checking in

    Hey! Trans lesbian checking in

    10 votes
  15. [5]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. Zlyme
      Link Parent
      It's ok not to know, nothing wrong going through life and falling in love with whoever

      It's ok not to know, nothing wrong going through life and falling in love with whoever

      8 votes
    2. [3]
      tvfj
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      Pretty much everyone likes dick, so long as the context is right. Sexuality is a spectrum in more ways than one. Is there any chance that sexual encounter was with someone you knew very well? Did...

      Pretty much everyone likes dick, so long as the context is right.

      Sexuality is a spectrum in more ways than one. Is there any chance that sexual encounter was with someone you knew very well? Did the manga/anime you watched slowly build up the relationships outside of a sexual context first? Some people need to really know someone to feel attracted to them, more on that here.

      I don't know if this could apply to you, but I know someone who was attracted to men and struggled with it, until they realized they were trans. Turns out it wasn't who they wanted to sleep with but who they wanted to sleep as that mattered there.

      These are two very shot-in-the-dark things to bring up. They're worth considering, but obviously they could be completely wrong for you. If you can, consider seeing a therapist, especially one who specializes in LGBT topics.

      4 votes
      1. Reasonable_Doubt
        Link Parent
        Here, here!

        Pretty Much everyone likes dick, so long as the context is right.

        Here, here!

        2 votes
      2. [2]
        Comment deleted by author
        Link Parent
        1. tvfj
          Link Parent
          The video basically just says that we're all programmed to like the sight of an erection alongside the sight of whatever we find sexually attractive. It explains the prevalence of "futanari" porn,...

          The video basically just says that we're all programmed to like the sight of an erection alongside the sight of whatever we find sexually attractive. It explains the prevalence of "futanari" porn, and porn featuring trans women.

          If you find many things stressful, things like meditation can help with controlling stress. I find that just letting myself have a moment without any outside stimuli, my mind will sort of automatically sort my thoughts. The shower is a great place to block out stimuli.

          3 votes
  16. tildesatwindmills
    Link
    Hi all! Yet another Q here, with Queer being the "I still can't settle on a category" default answer. Glad to see so many of us!

    Hi all! Yet another Q here, with Queer being the "I still can't settle on a category" default answer. Glad to see so many of us!

    9 votes
  17. [4]
    Social
    Link
    Dunno. Previously I was bi, now I'm at least hetroflexible. Also, I run the county / municipal queer youth organization in my region so woho!

    Dunno. Previously I was bi, now I'm at least hetroflexible. Also, I run the county / municipal queer youth organization in my region so woho!

    8 votes
    1. [3]
      MangoTiger
      Link Parent
      I had never heard of this term before, but I think it describes me much better than anything else I've seen. I've considered myself "mostly straight" for a while, but have struggled with adopting...

      heteroflexible

      I had never heard of this term before, but I think it describes me much better than anything else I've seen. I've considered myself "mostly straight" for a while, but have struggled with adopting the label of bisexual as I mostly only have a passing interest in the opposite sex. I suppose the labels shouldn't matter too much.

      1 vote
      1. [2]
        Social
        Link Parent
        There's a great small explaination of what constitues orientation. It consists of: Attraction Fantasies Practice Preference Orientation consist of (at least) these four points (source: Queer youth...

        There's a great small explaination of what constitues orientation. It consists of:

        • Attraction
        • Fantasies
        • Practice
        • Preference

        Orientation consist of (at least) these four points (source: Queer youth Norway). After having this explained to me I looked at myself, oritation and being a human in another light. Hopefully you benefit from this. :)

        PS: Labels? What labels? /joke

        2 votes
        1. MangoTiger
          Link Parent
          Interesting, thanks for the info. :) It seems like there is always more to learn and consider in this area.

          Interesting, thanks for the info. :) It seems like there is always more to learn and consider in this area.

  18. [3]
    cook
    Link
    I am not but my youngest daughter let me know she is bi. She's awesome.

    I am not but my youngest daughter let me know she is bi. She's awesome.

    7 votes
    1. [2]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      that's great and you're great cause you've clearly done something to make her feel comfortable enough to tell you that.

      that's great and you're great cause you've clearly done something to make her feel comfortable enough to tell you that.

      2 votes
      1. cook
        Link Parent
        Thank you. That really helps as tomorrow she leaves with her mom (we are divorced and I have full custody) to Washington state for a month. She told me she really wants to live with her mom. She...

        Thank you. That really helps as tomorrow she leaves with her mom (we are divorced and I have full custody) to Washington state for a month. She told me she really wants to live with her mom. She can do whatever she wants there, eat as much as she wants, and is the oldest child. Here she is the youngest. Her mom is not the best though and has had several issues in the past, which is why I have custody. I don't want to keep her from seeing her mom and don't want her rebelling and despising me because I would not let her live with her mom full time. It's a tough balance and something I will have a month to think about and decide :|

        2 votes
  19. tolvak
    Link
    Gay and happily married to my husband :)

    Gay and happily married to my husband :)

    7 votes
  20. CALICO
    Link
    I don't love labels, but I recognize their utility. If I had to pick mine then I'm a pansexual, gender is fake, polyamorous guy.

    I don't love labels, but I recognize their utility. If I had to pick mine then I'm a pansexual, gender is fake, polyamorous guy.

    6 votes
  21. [3]
    xiretza
    Link
    I mean, there are at least 5 furries/bronies here already and it's common knowledge that there's no such thing as straight furries (no offense). So yeah, quite a few.

    I mean, there are at least 5 furries/bronies here already and it's common knowledge that there's no such thing as straight furries (no offense). So yeah, quite a few.

    5 votes
    1. [2]
      lesalecop
      Link Parent
      Hey I'm a straight furry, there's literally dozens of us!

      Hey I'm a straight furry, there's literally dozens of us!

      3 votes
      1. xiretza
        Link Parent
        I feel honored by your presence. Your kind is not an everyday sight (unless you're on /r/furry_irl I guess, SimStart is best bot)

        I feel honored by your presence. Your kind is not an everyday sight (unless you're on /r/furry_irl I guess, SimStart is best bot)

        1 vote
  22. Aelaryn
    Link
    I'm a gay boi, yes.

    I'm a gay boi, yes.

    5 votes
  23. Mumberthrax
    Link
    This is somewhat offtopic but I'm really happy to see there was only one rude commenter on your post looking for kinship. I had a handful of people accusing me of trying to divide people or some...

    This is somewhat offtopic but I'm really happy to see there was only one rude commenter on your post looking for kinship. I had a handful of people accusing me of trying to divide people or some nonsense on mine.

    5 votes
  24. Awoo
    Link
    Pew pew. Another of the LGBT brigade here.

    Pew pew. Another of the LGBT brigade here.

    5 votes
  25. [5]
    Comment deleted by author
    Link
    1. [4]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      yep! queer is used here as an umbrella

      yep! queer is used here as an umbrella

      1. [4]
        Comment deleted by author
        Link Parent
        1. [3]
          michelle
          Link Parent
          I don't know how controversial it is, really. the survey said 60% of respondents said they disliked it but it's also from a website largely frequented by older gay men. they have a very different...

          I don't know how controversial it is, really. the survey said 60% of respondents said they disliked it but it's also from a website largely frequented by older gay men. they have a very different relationship to the word than younger people or lesbians or trans people. all of my queer friends, for example, use it comfortably as an umbrella term or (like me) as a label.

          that being said I know that it isn't in vogue for all and so I made a judgement call to use a highly inclusive phrase instead of the classic but more restrictive LGBT. and hoped that no one would be upset, to be honest.

          1 vote
          1. [3]
            Comment deleted by author
            Link Parent
            1. [2]
              michelle
              Link Parent
              my wife is kind of the same way. she only likes women so she will exclusively self identify as a lesbian but when it comes to groups she'll say queer or at least tolerate other people saying it....

              my wife is kind of the same way. she only likes women so she will exclusively self identify as a lesbian but when it comes to groups she'll say queer or at least tolerate other people saying it. we all have our own preferences and that sometimes makes it hard to speak to a group.

              so I am genuinely sorry if I made you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable! that definitely wasn't my intention.

              1 vote
              1. [2]
                Comment deleted by author
                Link Parent
                1. michelle
                  Link Parent
                  gotcha. I just thought maybe I'd done something to you personally like making you feel excluded by choosing to use "queer".

                  gotcha. I just thought maybe I'd done something to you personally like making you feel excluded by choosing to use "queer".

                  1 vote
  26. [2]
    Icecapman10
    Link
    Does being ace count? People are kinda in between about that.

    Does being ace count? People are kinda in between about that.

    3 votes
  27. [3]
    seila
    Link
    Would it be too much to ask to make a separate "Ask Queers Questions" thread and move that sort of stuff there? Bi/NB here. Nice to see folks here. Does anyone have any fun plans for Pride month?

    Would it be too much to ask to make a separate "Ask Queers Questions" thread and move that sort of stuff there?

    Bi/NB here. Nice to see folks here. Does anyone have any fun plans for Pride month?

    3 votes
    1. [2]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      that would be a good idea! I'd frequent it to help answer questions if you made it.

      that would be a good idea! I'd frequent it to help answer questions if you made it.

      1 vote
  28. Kropotkin
    Link
    Trans girl here! :)) Also pan.

    Trans girl here! :))

    Also pan.

    2 votes
  29. [45]
    Comment removed by site admin
    Link
    1. [17]
      michelle
      Link Parent
      and I'm trans! so this is a wacky dynamic we've got going for us, eh?

      and I'm trans! so this is a wacky dynamic we've got going for us, eh?

      17 votes
      1. [16]
        Deimos
        Link Parent
        That user has been banned, and I've removed their comments. The thread's been pretty thoroughly derailed though, so you may want to consider deleting and just restarting it now (or you can try to...

        That user has been banned, and I've removed their comments. The thread's been pretty thoroughly derailed though, so you may want to consider deleting and just restarting it now (or you can try to salvage it, entirely up to you).

        26 votes
        1. Zlyme
          Link Parent
          Thank you so much dude! This is the type of thing that will get people to want to come here <3

          Thank you so much dude! This is the type of thing that will get people to want to come here <3

          13 votes
        2. [5]
          xiretza
          Link Parent
          While we're at it, could the layout of removed comments be improved a little? Right now with only a line of text and no header/border the tree is really hard to follow (keeping up with who replied...

          While we're at it, could the layout of removed comments be improved a little? Right now with only a line of text and no header/border the tree is really hard to follow (keeping up with who replied to whom). Maybe do it a bit more like reddit, basically a complete frame but without username and just a note that the comment was removed?

          4 votes
          1. [4]
            Deimos
            Link Parent
            Yep, definitely needs improvement. This is the first time I've used it, so I haven't really seen it in actual practice until now.

            Yep, definitely needs improvement. This is the first time I've used it, so I haven't really seen it in actual practice until now.

            10 votes
            1. [3]
              cain
              (edited )
              Link Parent
              replied to wrong reply so reposting I think having the 'comment removed by site admin' in the place where the username/time is with that same contrasting background color and the abiliity to...

              replied to wrong reply so reposting

              I think having the 'comment removed by site admin' in the place where the username/time is with that same contrasting background color and the abiliity to collapse would do the job but I would have to see it to be sure.

              But I'm on the solarized dark mode so that may be different from the others, I checked it out in default light mode and that background behind the username didn't contrast as well for me.

              quickly made this to show what I'm thinking: https://i.imgur.com/oMJgBEw.png

              4 votes
              1. [2]
                Deimos
                Link Parent
                Thanks, I think that does look pretty good and keeps the structure of the comment tree more clear.

                Thanks, I think that does look pretty good and keeps the structure of the comment tree more clear.

                4 votes
                1. panic
                  Link Parent
                  Auto-collapsing it might make sense too, so you don't have to scroll past the whole thread to see new comments.

                  Auto-collapsing it might make sense too, so you don't have to scroll past the whole thread to see new comments.

                  3 votes
        3. [2]
          Kraetos
          Link Parent
          Do we get a transparency report for this one, or was that first-time-only thing? This one seems eminently justified, so it's not really necessary. I'm just curious from a procedural perspective.

          Do we get a transparency report for this one, or was that first-time-only thing? This one seems eminently justified, so it's not really necessary. I'm just curious from a procedural perspective.

          4 votes
        4. [4]
          Awoo
          Link Parent
          Hey Deimos, out of interest how is sorting going to handle removals on Tildes? One of the issues I believe reddit had with moderation, particularly in large subreddits, is that [Removed] posts...

          Hey Deimos, out of interest how is sorting going to handle removals on Tildes?

          One of the issues I believe reddit had with moderation, particularly in large subreddits, is that [Removed] posts create a mess.

          Can we address this somehow? Possible options:

          1. A removed post automatically pushes the post to the bottom of the sort. Downside: The comment box is at the bottom currently anyway.
          2. A removed could be minimised AND pushed to bottom by default. Downside?

          Another issue that occurs is people asking "What did it say?". Tildes will need an approach to handling this because moderating out a message that's hate speech or generally awful will ultimately mean that anyone answering this question should probably also be moderated out (though probably not punished?).

          Last one is a tough question really. But solving it early for policy would be valuable.

          If you haven't decided on these that's fine. I'm just mentioning it in case it's not already on your radar.

          4 votes
          1. [3]
            Deimos
            Link Parent
            Sorry, just realized that I forgot to reply to this (and I've still got your other giant comment in my "read this later" pile). That was always terrible on reddit and we can definitely improve it....

            Sorry, just realized that I forgot to reply to this (and I've still got your other giant comment in my "read this later" pile).

            That was always terrible on reddit and we can definitely improve it. Tildes is already better in at least one way—if a whole chain of comments is deleted or removed, it doesn't show it. A comment tree/branch is only shown if there's at least one visible comment remaining in it.

            3 votes
            1. Awoo
              Link Parent
              Definitely good to know. This is an area that matters more for Tildes, we're definitely going to have the kinds of threads that turn into graveyards and representing those in a way that doesn't...

              Definitely good to know.

              This is an area that matters more for Tildes, we're definitely going to have the kinds of threads that turn into graveyards and representing those in a way that doesn't get used by bad actors to spread disingenuous negativity would be a really good thing. Askscience and Science are two solid examples that have recently been getting attacked on reddit a lot for "censorship" (removing unscientific comments, outright lies or jokes). They aren't doing anything wrong, but it's being used by the basket of deplorables to paint them badly. The same will occur here in the future if not approached differently.

              That massive comment was part commentary and part self-indulgent writing to help digest the piece. It was so dense and covered so much properly digesting it will still take another read or two even after writing that comment covering some parts of it.

              1 vote
            2. Tardigrade
              Link Parent
              If it was possible could the message on deletion say "Comment removed by site admin - [insert reason if given]"

              If it was possible could the message on deletion say "Comment removed by site admin - [insert reason if given]"

              1 vote
        5. [3]
          Boudicasfolly
          Link Parent
          I want to thank you for banning that user. Please keep up the position you took that "[s]ome things don't need warnings." Why is it so hard to have an internet forum without toxicity?

          I want to thank you for banning that user. Please keep up the position you took that "[s]ome things don't need warnings."

          Why is it so hard to have an internet forum without toxicity?

          3 votes
          1. [2]
            Deimos
            Link Parent
            I think a really big factor is because almost everywhere lets people get away with it. Now people think that's just "how you behave on the internet".

            Why is it so hard to have an internet forum without toxicity?

            I think a really big factor is because almost everywhere lets people get away with it. Now people think that's just "how you behave on the internet".

            8 votes
            1. Boudicasfolly
              Link Parent
              Well, here's to hoping they don't get away with it on this forum. I'm optimistic with what you've started here. And you might be right. My husband moderates r/surfing and he starting banning...

              Well, here's to hoping they don't get away with it on this forum. I'm optimistic with what you've started here.

              And you might be right. My husband moderates r/surfing and he starting banning (without warning) anything that smells of racism, sexism, homophobia, being an asshole etc., . It's amazing the turn around that community has had since he instituted the policy. It's almost like you're not on reddit. There was backlash at first (mainly the r/The-D brigadiers), but once it died down people started falling in-line and behaving themselves.

              Thanks for what you're doing!!!

              4 votes
    2. [27]
      Petril
      Link Parent
      Umm... Do you know that means having a negative attitude towards trans people?

      Umm... Do you know that means having a negative attitude towards trans people?

      11 votes
      1. [2]
        crius
        Link Parent
        I bet on mobile phone autocomplete ;)

        I bet on mobile phone autocomplete ;)

        7 votes
        1. Petril
          Link Parent
          Good point. I hope so!

          Good point. I hope so!

          4 votes
      2. [11]
        Lazarus
        Link Parent
        (Looks like they’re from Australia: sometimes the messages don’t get flipped right as they cross the equator. It’s like Opposite Day, you have to flip what they say back upside down, then it makes...

        (Looks like they’re from Australia: sometimes the messages don’t get flipped right as they cross the equator. It’s like Opposite Day, you have to flip what they say back upside down, then it makes more sense)

        5 votes
        1. [10]
          Kom
          Link Parent
          I hate that they were also Australian. Unfortunately a lot of rural areas are like that and Australia being big as fuck you only have to drive two hours out of a big City area and this sort of...

          I hate that they were also Australian. Unfortunately a lot of rural areas are like that and Australia being big as fuck you only have to drive two hours out of a big City area and this sort of crap comes up.
          When I was at uni I had to go rural for placements I have tattoos and stretched ears, mostly normal looking, right? well not so much. to those folks I was the biggest freak going. Australia can be such a beautiful country, unfortunately not all is this way and the ones that are loudest are the worst.
          We recently voted on same sex marriage and the against party claimed to be "the silent majority" turned out they were the "loudest minority"

          edit. sorry for the double posting, I've deleted the double up. my internet connection had a moment

          4 votes
          1. [6]
            Petril
            Link Parent
            You know what? I hate it too. I think I'll remove them from the "Where are you from" post.

            You know what? I hate it too. I think I'll remove them from the "Where are you from" post.

            3 votes
            1. [3]
              Kom
              Link Parent
              Already been done, their entire account has been pulled from the site or did you mean from the tally? either way I'm so glad they aren't here anymore

              Already been done, their entire account has been pulled from the site or did you mean from the tally? either way I'm so glad they aren't here anymore

              2 votes
              1. [2]
                Petril
                Link Parent
                I meant the tally! I'm glad too, but it's a bummer you're alone in the tally again. I'm sure there are more aussies here!

                I meant the tally! I'm glad too, but it's a bummer you're alone in the tally again. I'm sure there are more aussies here!

                1 vote
                1. Kom
                  Link Parent
                  it is.. I'm sure they will pop up soon. It's only 8am here, I couldn't sleep so I've been up and reading all the posts on here since 6 lol

                  it is.. I'm sure they will pop up soon. It's only 8am here, I couldn't sleep so I've been up and reading all the posts on here since 6 lol

                  2 votes
          2. [3]
            Lazarus
            Link Parent
            Conservative (traditional-values) folks are just a thing- I don’t blame Australia or the folks in it, of course, for opinions like his. Heck, look at us here in the USA. We have a giant Cheeto...

            Conservative (traditional-values) folks are just a thing- I don’t blame Australia or the folks in it, of course, for opinions like his.

            Heck, look at us here in the USA. We have a giant Cheeto representing us- and he could not possibly be less “representative” of most of us.

            So we joke about it all and make the best of it we can. Like making upside down jokes. :)

            1. [2]
              Kom
              Link Parent
              The giant Cheeto always gets me. That guy... I'm glad the few comments like that don't sour us as a whole it was just a bit sucky seeing the first other Aussie and that was how they made their...

              The giant Cheeto always gets me. That guy...

              I'm glad the few comments like that don't sour us as a whole it was just a bit sucky seeing the first other Aussie and that was how they made their mark.

              Also always make the jokes, the more outlandish you can make them the better.

              1. Lazarus
                Link Parent
                Yeah I can see how it’d be like “OOOH one of my people!! ..........shit” No worries 🤘

                Yeah I can see how it’d be like “OOOH one of my people!! ..........shit”

                No worries 🤘

                2 votes
      3. [14]
        Comment removed by site admin
        Link Parent
        1. [10]
          Petril
          Link Parent
          I feel sad that you have those beliefs, but more prevalently, I don't think it's very kind to come into a topic about finding queer people to say "I don't support your right to be who you want."...

          I feel sad that you have those beliefs, but more prevalently, I don't think it's very kind to come into a topic about finding queer people to say "I don't support your right to be who you want." Because that's off-topic and again, mean. If it was a discussion thread, maybe, but definitely not here.

          19 votes
          1. [4]
            michelle
            Link Parent
            yeah it's a bit disappointing that it took less than ten minutes for an intentionally positive thread to develop something bad but that's the internet also why do transphobes always have to insist...

            yeah it's a bit disappointing that it took less than ten minutes for an intentionally positive thread to develop something bad but that's the internet

            also why do transphobes always have to insist that they don't want to bone us? dude, we don't want to do anything remotely like that with you too

            11 votes
            1. [2]
              sunblasts
              Link Parent
              Perhaps that is how they navigate all social situations. "Friend, I would like you to meet my grandmother." "Hello, acquaintance's grandmother! I absolutely do not want to have sex with you!"...

              Perhaps that is how they navigate all social situations.

              "Friend, I would like you to meet my grandmother."
              "Hello, acquaintance's grandmother! I absolutely do not want to have sex with you!"

              Seriously though, it's off-topic and rude.

              7 votes
              1. michelle
                Link Parent
                yes absolutely. and, may I say, I don't want to have sex with you.

                yes absolutely. and, may I say, I don't want to have sex with you.

                2 votes
            2. [2]
              Comment removed by site admin
              Link Parent
              1. panic
                Link Parent
                That's great, but you've completely derailed a thread about queer representation on Tildes and turned it into a thread about you.

                That's great, but you've completely derailed a thread about queer representation on Tildes and turned it into a thread about you.

                10 votes
          2. Whom
            Link Parent
            They're going to reply to this by saying they do respect our right, as they said before. Though I 100% agree that it's rude to come in and say "oh by the way I wouldn't have sex with you."

            They're going to reply to this by saying they do respect our right, as they said before. Though I 100% agree that it's rude to come in and say "oh by the way I wouldn't have sex with you."

            8 votes
          3. [5]
            Comment removed by site admin
            Link Parent
            1. Petril
              Link Parent
              Being that I am neither queer nor trans, I don't feel the need to monopolize this thread and draw more attention to this comment, since it's not my space. I realize that you are being polite with...

              Being that I am neither queer nor trans, I don't feel the need to monopolize this thread and draw more attention to this comment, since it's not my space. I realize that you are being polite with your words, but let's be polite with our actions as well. Michelle wanted a positive space. I'd like to let her have it.

              9 votes
            2. [3]
              michelle
              Link Parent
              well I hope one day you'll learn to respect our preferences just like we respect your preferences

              well I hope one day you'll learn to respect our preferences just like we respect your preferences

              5 votes
              1. [3]
                Comment removed by site admin
                Link Parent
                1. [2]
                  michelle
                  Link Parent
                  you actually don't convert to a gender. a woman is born a woman, just some women are born with different physiology. but that being said, hopefully one day you'll believe that women are women just...

                  you actually don't convert to a gender. a woman is born a woman, just some women are born with different physiology. but that being said, hopefully one day you'll believe that women are women just like we believe you when you say you're who you are.

                  3 votes
                  1. [2]
                    Comment removed by site admin
                    Link Parent
                    1. michelle
                      Link Parent
                      I sincerely doubt that is the path we'll take in the future because it's deadlier and far less effective than HRT. I think in the future we'll look at it as probably purely an endocrine issue just...

                      I sincerely doubt that is the path we'll take in the future because it's deadlier and far less effective than HRT. I think in the future we'll look at it as probably purely an endocrine issue just like a series of other endocrine issues. It's just an extremely severe one.

                      You can disagree as much as you'd like. That's your prerogative and I'm glad that it isn't bundled with pitchforks. That being said, it's silly to disagree with an individual's identity. I'm a woman, you're a you.

                      3 votes
        2. tvfj
          Link Parent
          The primary treatment for gender dysphoria is transitioning, and the primary method of doing that isn't SRS, it's HRT. What on earth has convinced you that the last tenth of the science here is...

          The primary treatment for gender dysphoria is transitioning, and the primary method of doing that isn't SRS, it's HRT.

          What on earth has convinced you that the last tenth of the science here is wrong, when you're willing to accept the other 9/10ths? If it's the stuff you were taught about chromosomes in middle school, please re-evaluate if that's where you think your education should stop.

          11 votes
        3. [2]
          dstaley
          Link Parent
          Could you elaborate on why you feel it necessary to identify as a "transphobe" when you seem somewhat accepting of trans people? When I read "transphobe" I equate it to people who think that trans...

          Could you elaborate on why you feel it necessary to identify as a "transphobe" when you seem somewhat accepting of trans people? When I read "transphobe" I equate it to people who think that trans people are just following a trend or something of the like, not someone who both understands gender dysphoria and respects a person's desired pronouns.

          9 votes
          1. [2]
            Comment removed by site admin
            Link Parent
            1. tvfj
              Link Parent
              You won't insult a specific trans person to their face, cool. You did, however, enter a thread you knew would be full of queer people with the sole intent of identifying yourself as someone who...

              You won't insult a specific trans person to their face, cool. You did, however, enter a thread you knew would be full of queer people with the sole intent of identifying yourself as someone who hates them and denies who they are. Do you think there's nothing wrong with that?

              6 votes