pamymaf's recent activity
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Comment on My nonbinary child: An anthropologist muses on what her career and child have taught her about gender stereotypes and fluidity in ~lgbt
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Comment on What song(s) so you consider to be your personal LGBT anthem(s)? in ~lgbt
pamymaf LinkTake Me to Church has always been a good one for me. Not because it's about LGBT topics. It's more about bucking off traditions to me. And of course as a trans masculine individual... I'll Make a...Take Me to Church has always been a good one for me. Not because it's about LGBT topics. It's more about bucking off traditions to me.
And of course as a trans masculine individual... I'll Make a Man Out of You
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Comment on I'm 25 and yesterday I came out for the first time in real life..! in ~lgbt
pamymaf LinkCongrats! I'm so proud of you! On the whole "Am I trans? Nonbinary?" question, I want you to answer these questions with whatever comes out first. Your instinct. Am I a woman? Am I a man? If you...Congrats! I'm so proud of you!
On the whole "Am I trans? Nonbinary?" question, I want you to answer these questions with whatever comes out first. Your instinct.
Am I a woman?
Am I a man?
If you answered "Yes" only to the gender given at birth, then you'd be cisgender. Anything else can be considered transgender, though some people choose not to use the term for themselves for various reasons. They might not want people to ever realize they were any gender other than what they feel. Some nonbinary people don't use the term because their gender at birth is close to their identity. Others don't use the term until they start hormones. But if you aren't 100% cisgender, you fit the dictionary definition.
If you answered "Yes" to one of those and "No" to the other, you're likely binary, meaning you fit into one of the two normally recognized genders. If you answered anything other than that, you may want to look into some of the nonbinary genders. Here are some example answers and what gender they might feel like (don't take this as law, it's just examples!). Remember, anything other than "I am 100% a woman/man" is considered nonbinary, and there are a lot of terms under the nonbinary umbrella to fit all different kinds of experiences.
.1. Yes 2. Yes - Bigender - Bigender people experience exactly two gender identities, either simultaneously or varying between the two.
.1. No 2. Kind of? - Demiboy/Demiguy (Demigirl for the reverse) - a gender identity describing someone who partially, but not wholly, identifies as a man, boy or otherwise masculine, regardless of their assigned gender at birth.
.1. Sometimes 2. Sometimes - Genderfluid - a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A gender fluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities.
.1. No 2. No - Agender - a term which can be literally translated as 'without gender'. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity.
.1. No 2. No - Neutrois - a non-binary gender identity which is often associated with a "neutral" or "null" gender.
If you want to wade through some other identities, this is the link I pulled those definitions from: http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Wiki
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Comment on Why be nonbinary? in ~lgbt
pamymaf Link ParentI know a nonbinary friend who is very hairy and has a very stocky build. I can say that it does not connect them to their 'male' body. In fact, it causes further harm because that's not how they...I know a nonbinary friend who is very hairy and has a very stocky build. I can say that it does not connect them to their 'male' body. In fact, it causes further harm because that's not how they see themselves. Looking in the mirror gives them bad gender dysphoria (the intensely uncomfortable feeling of your gender not matching your sex).
On my side, I had a softer face and DD breasts before I started hormones. Things that are traditionally very feminine. But I felt no closer to my femininity looking at them, I just felt shame and extreme discomfort.
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Comment on Are/were you addicted to anything? in ~life
pamymaf LinkI seem to be addicted to excitement and adrenaline. Whether it's roller coasters, a new relationship, psychedelics, MDMA, etc, I just crave that rush of energy and happiness. I even get urges to...I seem to be addicted to excitement and adrenaline. Whether it's roller coasters, a new relationship, psychedelics, MDMA, etc, I just crave that rush of energy and happiness. I even get urges to get piercings, tattoos, or engage in a masochistic BDSM scenes. Something that I know will cause me pain. I do these things because I hate when life gets dull. When life is dull, I'm able to think about everything wrong with me. So, gotta go fast!
Note: It's not as bad as it used to be. I'm starting medication for ADHD (Strattera) that will hopefully be the turning point to get myself to a happier base in life. Strattera is an NRI (Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor), and there might be a small chance that it will make my 'adrenaline cravings' lesson as well. Norepinephrine is the neurotransmitter (serotonin and dopamine are neurotransmitters too) that is released at the same time as adrenaline, and the NRI should hopefully raise my baseline norepinephrine levels.
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Comment on Discord just added a forced-arbitration clause to their Terms of Service (Discord staff response in comments) in ~tech
pamymaf Link ParentThe problem isn't games on Nitro. That's kind of like "As long as you pay us, you can play these games for free!" By nature of how that works, DRM would be needed. The issue exists in the market...The problem isn't games on Nitro. That's kind of like "As long as you pay us, you can play these games for free!" By nature of how that works, DRM would be needed.
The issue exists in the market that everyone has access to. In that market, it's online-only DRM for anything you buy. At least with Steam I can go into offline mode (although I'd prefer not to have it at all).
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Comment on Discord just added a forced-arbitration clause to their Terms of Service (Discord staff response in comments) in ~tech
pamymaf LinkThrough that I found something that confirmed one of my fears. Discord will have online-only DRM for games. I had really hoped that it would be like GoG. You buy a game, you get the install for...Through that I found something that confirmed one of my fears. Discord will have online-only DRM for games. I had really hoped that it would be like GoG. You buy a game, you get the install for that game. But nope. Definitely wont be buying games from Discord now. And hopefully I can get my essential servers away from it eventually.
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Comment on Discord - all users now have access to the store beta and new Nitro subscription options in ~games
pamymaf Link ParentIf I may ask, why do you distrust Discord specifically? I tend to suggest them all the time, and I wonder if I just haven't seen the bad sides.If I may ask, why do you distrust Discord specifically? I tend to suggest them all the time, and I wonder if I just haven't seen the bad sides.
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Comment on Video from an artist explaining Aphantasia in ~arts
pamymaf Link ParentI do as well. When did you figure out, and did it cause you distress too?I do as well.
When did you figure out, and did it cause you distress too?
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Video from an artist explaining Aphantasia
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Comment on Polyamory, unicorns, demisexuality: Five takes on monogamy and its alternatives in ~life
pamymaf Link ParentWell to be fair, the article does also mention swinging and general ethical non-monogamy. I think the quote was supposed to be tied to the idea of non-mono as a whole, not 100% for polyamory.Well to be fair, the article does also mention swinging and general ethical non-monogamy. I think the quote was supposed to be tied to the idea of non-mono as a whole, not 100% for polyamory.
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Comment on Polyamory, unicorns, demisexuality: Five takes on monogamy and its alternatives in ~life
pamymaf LinkThis is what it comes down to. I've been polyamory for over two and a half years, with a couple non monogamous experiences before then. It feels wrong at first, to talk to your partner(s) about..."The worst problem is deception, and whether you choose to be in a monogamous relationship or in an open or polyamorous relationship and workshop or talk through your challenges, that's going to be the best option."
This is what it comes down to. I've been polyamory for over two and a half years, with a couple non monogamous experiences before then. It feels wrong at first, to talk to your partner(s) about other crushes, encounters, it partners, but it needs to be done. Even if the talk is setting up the Don't Ask Don't Tell policy, it needs to happen. Hell, it should happen in monogamous relationship too. "What do you want and expect from this? What are your boundaries?"
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Comment on How to study abusers: Should reading lists come with a content warning? in ~humanities
pamymaf Link ParentHow can we have a conversation about a very personal topic when we're not allowed to bring our own experiences in?How can we have a conversation about a very personal topic when we're not allowed to bring our own experiences in?
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~life
pamymaf Link ParentThe author also encourages people to live in poverty like it's a badge of pride. I would not call scraping to find food day to day a badge of pride...The author also encourages people to live in poverty like it's a badge of pride. I would not call scraping to find food day to day a badge of pride...
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Comment on How deep is your greatest friendship? in ~talk
pamymaf LinkMy closest friendships have been a little bit of a rollercoaster. Me and T met in eighth grade. She was super shy and socially awkward, I was outgoing and weird. I was looking for a place to sit...My closest friendships have been a little bit of a rollercoaster.
Me and T met in eighth grade. She was super shy and socially awkward, I was outgoing and weird. I was looking for a place to sit for shop class and was drawn to a particular table. It had two girls, both entirely talking in third person about themselves. I joined in and hung out with them after class for lunch. Over time me and T became best friends and were seen everywhere together. I later learned that there were rumors circulating wondering if we were lesbians because we spent all our time together. Our friendship went into high school, but we drifted apart when we went to colleges 6 hours away and I started succumbing to mental health issues.
Me and Z met when I was around 16 and he was around 22. There was a local 'nerd shop' that opened up. It sold Magic the Gathering cards, DnD and Pathfinder books, miniatures, etc etc. I would stop in during the day in the summer and after school during the schooling season. When I was stopping in during the summer, there was a man that would stop in for 30-45 minutes during his lunch. He just talked to the shop owner, maybe bought a couple packs, and left.
Eventually, I dragged socially awkward T to the game store with me for a Halloween party. Z was there and dressed in his Renaissance gear with the main shop owner. I was enamored, but still didn't really talk to him. Me and T started going more frequently together. It was a way to get T to meet some other friends and a way for me to merge some of my friends together.
One day me and T walk in and we see Z in the back with a stack of Magic packs and a scale. This intrigued us and we finally approached him. In MtG, there is a chance that you can get an extra foil card in the packs. Z was measuring all the packs he bought to see if he could reasonably guess which ones had a foil in them. Me and T were nerds, so we helped him with calculations and just hung out with him.
Over the next few months me and Z got closer at the shop. I eventually got his phone number and started texting him (I was 17 at this point). Things progressed and by the end of the year we were dating. T got her own boyfriend and the four of us (plus the shop owner and his girlfriend) would hang out roleplaying or hanging out at the nerd shop, or any number of things. My senior year of highschool was filled with Z, T, and all of my friends being nerds and hanging out.
But after highschool was college. I went to a university 6 hours away and tried my hardest to keep in contact, but eventually fell away from T. After only a few months I had a suicide attempt and moved home. I tried to hang out with T more, but she lived 45 minutes away and I was too depressed to make plans. Me and Z started to get on rocky terrain. He was just so stubborn and stable. He wasn't willing to give up anything. I was starting to discover that I was 110% polyamorous and couldn't live a monogamous life. I also eventually wanted a family, he didn't. Eventually, we broke up.
I then started dating D. D was abusive. D pulled me away from all of my friends and isolated me. For all T knew, I was pretty much dead. I visited her once and even then, I was just a shell of myself. We broke up after 1.5 years. Right after me and D broke up I tried to kill myself by ODing on sleeping pills. I stopped after about 5 pills. The next day I scheduled lunch with Z out of the blue. I just wanted to see him. I then went on to date the two amazing partners I have now.
Finally, about 5 years after high school, I fully reached out to Z. I wanted to be friends again. There were a few months of us being distant but talking. He mentioned a girlfriend but wouldn't tell me who. I eventually asked a mutual friend (the shop owner!) and he confirmed it was T. I was shook.... because they seemed so cute together!! Me and Z got closer and closer and it brought me and T closer. Now they're a constant part of my life and I couldn't be happier. I know I can go to Z for help with anything, and we hang out about once a week. T has grown up a LOT, and it's so fun to hang out like we used to.
I love that I have them both in my life again. I'm glad that our friendship survived college, an abusive relationship, and time.
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Comment on There is such a thing as ethical non-monogamy in ~life
pamymaf Link ParentThe comment I was replying to originally did not say polyamory (but has since been edited). It's possible I just used whatever spelling they had, or that I misspelled it.The comment I was replying to originally did not say polyamory (but has since been edited). It's possible I just used whatever spelling they had, or that I misspelled it.
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Comment on There is such a thing as ethical non-monogamy in ~life
pamymaf Link ParentJust an FYI (doesn't change your post much, but gives a fact): Polygymy is the marriage of multiple spouses. Actually illegal in the US. Polyamory is the love of multiple people.Just an FYI (doesn't change your post much, but gives a fact):
Polygymy is the marriage of multiple spouses. Actually illegal in the US. Polyamory is the love of multiple people.
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Comment on MDMA-assisted psychotherapy shows promise for reducing social anxiety in autistic adults in ~health.mental
pamymaf Link ParentWell, I was more thinking about how neurotoxic MDMA can be if redosed too often/in large amounts. And anything that can trigger psychosis can be really bad for you in the long run. However you're...Well, I was more thinking about how neurotoxic MDMA can be if redosed too often/in large amounts. And anything that can trigger psychosis can be really bad for you in the long run. However you're right, most psychedelics are safe and can't really be used improperly.
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Comment on MDMA-assisted psychotherapy shows promise for reducing social anxiety in autistic adults in ~health.mental
pamymaf Link ParentFor a second I thought you were @Cocoa (she really loves ketamine facts). Ketamine is shown to help depression! And magic mushrooms can help PTSD. I think LSD assisted therapy is also trying to...For a second I thought you were @Cocoa (she really loves ketamine facts).
Ketamine is shown to help depression! And magic mushrooms can help PTSD. I think LSD assisted therapy is also trying to pass trials. It's amazing what some of these drugs can do if used correctly.
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Comment on MDMA-assisted psychotherapy shows promise for reducing social anxiety in autistic adults in ~health.mental
pamymaf Link ParentMDMA is also shown to help PTSD patients process trauma.MDMA is also shown to help PTSD patients process trauma.
When I came out and my partners were trying their best to use my pronouns we ended up correcting each other with the phrase "Yeah they are!"/"Yeah they did!"/etc said in a way that I can only represent with the emoji :D. It changed correcting each other from an emotionally difficult task to a fun joke.