vivarium's recent activity
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Comment on ‘So, I hear I’m transphobic’: Dee Snider responds after being dropped by SF Pride in ~lgbt
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Comment on How do you rekindle a relationship that's gone cold? in ~talk
vivarium (edited )LinkI've struggled a lot with relationship anxiety, and with trying to manage doubtful thoughts (such as, in your friend's case, "Has this relationship gone cold?"). I've found it challenging to...I've struggled a lot with relationship anxiety, and with trying to manage doubtful thoughts (such as, in your friend's case, "Has this relationship gone cold?"). I've found it challenging to figure out whether certain thoughts were accurate reflections of the state of the relationship, or whether they were intrusive, obsessive thoughts stemming from relationship fears and anxieties.
Now, without specific details, it's hard to really tell what's going on your friend's situation. But, I want to point out the possibility that... sometimes "a relationship gone cold" is actually just... the fading of infatuation? Missing the feelings of NRE, as @Gaywallet said? Comparing your relationship to the myth of "The One"? In fact, it's very possible to be in a healthy, loving relationship, but overthink and ruminate about missing feelings, to the point of convincing yourself that something is wrong in the relationship even when the progression of the relationship has been totally OK.
For my own situation, I made a thread on /r/AutisticAdults, and the resulting discussion helped me to see that, at least in my case, the problem was in my own head, rather than with the relationship itself. Picking up a book on ROCD was eye-opening, and I found it to contain a lot of wisdom to help me feel steady in my own relationship. I'd highly recommend to anyone feeling doubts to take a quick skim through a libgen epub of the ROCD book by Sheva Rajaee, even if just to see if the introductory descriptions feel familiar. There's also the ROCI, which can give a rough sense of whether relationship anxiety might apply.
Best of luck!
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Comment on Welcome to America’s most elite girls boarding school. Let the hazing begin. in ~life
vivarium Link ParentThis was an absolutely harrowing read. I've been going through it for the past two days because of your link. Thank you for sharing it. :)This was an absolutely harrowing read. I've been going through it for the past two days because of your link. Thank you for sharing it. :)
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Comment on We asked the Olympics why their official esports are so weird in ~games
vivarium (edited )Link ParentNot to mention that Tetris already has a thriving (but admittedly niche) e-sports scene (at least for NES Tetris, anyway). Though, I will point out that the competitive NES Tetris scene has...Not to mention that Tetris already has a thriving (but admittedly niche) e-sports scene (at least for NES Tetris, anyway).
Though, I will point out that the competitive NES Tetris scene has evolved in very strange ways in recent years, with both incomprehensible new physical techniques (rolling) plus the scene now being dominated by spry, agile preteens instead of older players.
Still, I'd highly recommend the YouTube channel aGameScout if you're curious about what's been going on in the Tetris e-sports scene. The production values and presentation of his videos are top-notch in quality.
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Comment on Why I decided not to do Emrakul, and how we shipped it anyway in ~comp
vivarium (edited )Link ParentTo add to this, a good demonstration of the complexity and strict regularity of Magic card wordings is the custom magic card subreddit . Often times, half the comment section on user-submitted...once you get beyond parsing simpler cards you'll quickly run into a wall writing your own card grammar.
To add to this, a good demonstration of the complexity and strict regularity of Magic card wordings is the custom magic card subreddit . Often times, half the comment section on user-submitted custom cards involves nitpicking what the "correct" templating should be. Custom cards may sound reasonable in plain English, but need precise tweaks in order for the card to functionally work under Magic's rules.
Thankfully, I think this means that going in reverse (deriving logic from card text) is more possible than someone might think, given the strict structure involved in official card wordings.
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Comment on ‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’ scores seven Oscars including Best Picture in ~movies
vivarium Link ParentSmall update: I rewatched EEAAO at home (and in full for once)! (A detail I hadn't mentioned before was that I left the theatre midway through to use the washroom, and missed the middle 3rd of the...Small update: I rewatched EEAAO at home (and in full for once)! (A detail I hadn't mentioned before was that I left the theatre midway through to use the washroom, and missed the middle 3rd of the movie. Oops.)
With all of the new context and priming I have now (adjusting to the absurdity, reflecting on the emotional importance of the movie, the friendly Oscar watch party), I can say that I absolutely loved the movie. It makes for such a good rewatch? Once you know what's coming, the opening slice-of-life scenes between the family are just... devastating. I couldn't stop crying! There are so many details to unpack once you've had the chance to internalize the general plot of the movie.
I will say the movie was still a bit of a joyride that left me drained at times, but I wasn't bothered by the absurdity anymore, so I just sat along for the ride, and really enjoyed it! 9/10, maybe even 9.5/10 for me. :D
One small funny tidbit:
Spoilers
When watching in theatres, I had missed the scene where Evelyn tries to explain what multiverse jumping is like to Joy and Waymond, and misremembers Ratatouille as Racacoonie.
This means that... when I came back from the bathroom the first time around, I had 0 context for the latter-3rd Racacoonie scenes, and was... completely confused? I had no idea it was based on such a heartwarming mixup, and wouldn't have found it so absurd if I had known the origin story.
Case in point: Don't draw conclusions about a movie if you haven't actually seen the full thing. :V
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2023) in ~talk
vivarium (edited )Link ParentThank you for the reply! It's comforting to read that things will get better. <3 NSFW Gosh, that's a real bummer to hear... :( Super extra TMI incoming. You've been warned! I'm transfem, and I've...Thank you for the reply! It's comforting to read that things will get better. <3
NSFW
Gosh, that's a real bummer to hear... :(
Super extra TMI incoming. You've been warned!
I'm transfem, and I've been on HRT for about half a year now. (Testosterone blockers typically have a negative effect on a person's libido, and I've been no exception.) Whether it's that, or the depression, or my past sexual trauma, I'm currently at a point where I'm hardly able to get into the mood or feel sensation at the head of my penis at all, even before starting escitalopram. Oddly, I can easily get and stay hard? But it takes me a long time to reach orgasm, even without the added effects you describe, and it hardly feels pleasurable during the process. My partner does indeed appreciate this during penetration (she's rare in that she's an AFAB person who's easily able to reach orgasm multiple times purely via penetration), but... I get little to no enjoyment out of sex right now, beyond the joy I get from giving my partner pleasure.
I used to be a horny person who loved sex (I'm definitely not ace), but my god have the last 5 years completely stolen any sense of pleasure away from me. The one-two punch of being a depressed transfem person means that treatment through medication really sucks any enjoyment out of sex. :(
It doesn't help that my partner has PCOS (i.e. elevated testosterone levels i.e. hypersexuality) and experiences IMMENSE pleasure in bed. Just, mindfuck levels of orgasm. I wish I could feel what she feels. It's hard to come to terms with that fact that I give her so much, but have a body that's unable to receive anything in return.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (March 2023) in ~talk
vivarium (edited )LinkFor the past few years, I've been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression. But, I've never had a chance to try antidepressants before, because I was (mis)diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my...For the past few years, I've been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression. But, I've never had a chance to try antidepressants before, because I was (mis)diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my childhood. (Because SSRIs can induce mania in people with bipolar disorder, every psychiatrist I've seen has refused to prescribe them.) I've been fighting for a long time to "overturn" my false diagnosis (through several psychiatric reevaluations), but despite this, my current family doctor has resisted, and it's caused a lot of friction and distrust between me and her.
She did however refer me to a new psychiatrist. And... this person was much more understanding? She was willing to prescribe! So, I've finally started on an SSRI, something that's felt like an impossibility for so long now. I'm about 2 weeks in on 5mg of escitalopram, and I haven't noticed any changes, which feels like both a good and bad thing. (I'm praying no mania... I want to be affirmed in my belief that it was a misdiagnosis.)
Wish me luck!
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Comment on ‘Everything Everywhere All At Once’ scores seven Oscars including Best Picture in ~movies
vivarium (edited )Link ParentAlso don't want to speak for cloud_loud, but there were a couple of scenes that were just... too absurd for me? The hot dog finger multiverse really squicked me, and the whole fixation on bagels...Also don't want to speak for cloud_loud, but there were a couple of scenes that were just... too absurd for me? The hot dog finger multiverse really squicked me, and the whole fixation on bagels was just. Too silly? I tend to like grounded, serious movies, and a lot of the camp was a bit too... over the top? Cringe for me?
It's a really important movie to my partner, though. She's a bi daughter of first generation immigrants, and she struggles a lot with generational friction between herself and her mum, and so the dynamic between Joy and Evelyn really struck a chord with her. So, I've tried really hard to see the film from her perspective, and it helps?
Plus, last night I went to an EEAAO-themed Oscar watch party with my partner, and everyone attending LOVED EEAAO and was rooting for it. At first I was panicked about being the odd one out, but I eventually came around a bit to the absurdity? We did a bagel spread, and put googly eyes on chocolate-covered strawberries, and it was just. Nice? It was nice. It felt safer than the anxieties I had in my head. So I think I'm leaning more on the like/love side, now that I've had some time to process my own personal hangups with the movie.
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Comment on The woman bulldozing video games’ toughest DRM in ~games
vivarium (edited )LinkSome further reading/warnings about Empress: There's a more thorough/juicy overview of her history on /r/HobbyDrama to complement this article. Woof, I should have known better than to link to the...Some further reading/warnings about Empress:
- There's a more thorough/juicy overview of her history on /r/HobbyDrama to complement this article.
Regrettably, she went on a [vitriolic transphobic rant](link removed, don't read her awful words) after releasing her crack of Hogwarts Legacy. ;_;- Woof, I should have known better than to link to the post above. I just wanted to give a heads-up, not derail the post... :(
She's... a lot more unstable than the Wired article would have you believe.
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Comment on ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ tops 267 million hours played, fan interest surpasses ‘Fantastic Beasts’ in ~games
vivarium (edited )Link ParentI definitely missed these articles! Thank you for sharing. <3 EDIT: That first one is definitely in line with what I was hoping/expecting from coverage of that game. It felt good to read, so thank...I definitely missed these articles! Thank you for sharing. <3
EDIT: That first one is definitely in line with what I was hoping/expecting from coverage of that game. It felt good to read, so thank you again. :)
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Comment on ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ tops 267 million hours played, fan interest surpasses ‘Fantastic Beasts’ in ~games
vivarium Link ParentYou make really good points. This is a good breakdown of why it's difficult to expect this to have gone any other way than it did. Thanks for sharing this. :) To be clear, I'm not really... angry?...You make really good points. This is a good breakdown of why it's difficult to expect this to have gone any other way than it did. Thanks for sharing this. :)
Attacking them because they indulge in this one vice when maybe even being sympathetic to your cause is not going to do anything but alienate them. It may feel good to be angry, it may even be justified, but it will not gain you more allies.
To be clear, I'm not really... angry? I haven't actually had any conversations about this before this thread. This the first time I've really aired my thoughts, beyond my chats with my partner? And... I don't think I've attacked anyone? I don't really support attacking people over this, tbh.
I'm more just... disappointed? Disappointed in this game's popularity, disappointed that JKR will become even more rich than she already is, disappointed that her misdeeds aren't as visible as I'd thought they were, and disappointed that even people who know about her misdeeds aren't as fazed as I'd hoped they'd be.
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Comment on ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ tops 267 million hours played, fan interest surpasses ‘Fantastic Beasts’ in ~games
vivarium (edited )Link ParentIn your previous comment, the context was specifically about fandoms, about creators, about video games and their developers, and so I tried to identify types of video game developers who are...I don't think JKR is exceptionally evil compared to most CEOs and billionaires. Personally I find it more immoral to buy something from Amazon or Alibaba given the actions of Bezos and Jack Ma.
In your previous comment, the context was specifically about fandoms, about creators, about video games and their developers, and so I tried to identify types of video game developers who are likely to have done far less harm than JKR -- i.e. I tried to identify alternatives that people could realistically choose over Hogwarts Legacy. Bringing up CEOs and billionaires is... distracting? Off-topic? Suddenly her actions are compared not just to other creators, but to some of the worst actors to exist on our planet.
In that sense, it hurts to see a reply that tries to trivialize the harm done by JKR by holding it alongside worse evils. ("The world is full of evil, so JKR isn't anything special.") Sure, I fully acknowledge that there is plenty of abhorrent harm in the world, but... to be blunt: She is fighting to make sure that people like me cannot exist. She is using her power and influence to try to eliminate people like me. Her comments help to cultivate an environment (especially in the UK) that is actively hostile towards trans people. She's not just an isolated transphobe -- her views echo outward far beyond her, influencing folks in the media, in politics, in positions of power. That's why her specific brand of evil is more important to me right now, relative to the other evils you mention. There is a time and a place for addressing the others, but I don't know if now, in this thread, is that time.
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Comment on ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ tops 267 million hours played, fan interest surpasses ‘Fantastic Beasts’ in ~games
vivarium (edited )Link ParentI don't know... this feels different? In some of your examples, the product being sold is a necessity for living (clothing, food). In some of your examples, it can sometimes be...I don’t think it’s particularly surprising. People still buy GPUs despite them being made through slave labor. People still buy fast fashion despite it being made in sweatshops. People still eat meat despite all the suffering involved in that.
I don't know... this feels different?
In some of your examples, the product being sold is a necessity for living (clothing, food). In some of your examples, it can sometimes be difficult/costly/time-intensive to switch to a more sustainable alternative (clothing, food). (And, in some cases, there might not even be any sustainable alternatives!) Plus, in some of your examples, the people/animals being harmed can be so far separated/abstracted away from the buyers (is the term "alienation"? idk) that it can sometimes be hard to have a concrete sense of the harm being done. All of these factors make it relatively frictionless to continue to make unethical choices (assuming there even is a choice to make at all).
By comparison, in the case of HP, you have a product that is a non-necessity -- one that can be fairly painlessly swapped out for a different form of entertainment. Additionally, the harm here is also more tangible, given the visibility of JKR and her ongoing efforts, plus the everyday prevalence of the people who are harmed by her actions. (Trans/Jewish folks can be your family, friends, and colleagues, whereas the workers and animals who supply your products are "somewhere else". Not to excuse or justify that harm, of course? But, more to suggest that the harm here is more "local", relatively speaking. It hits closer to home.)
That's why it's a little more surprising to me that people would make the choices that they're making. Not terribly surprising, honestly? Just... a little surprising.
[Y]ou realistically have to ignore these details or you wouldn’t be able to function in society. If you had to filter out every game where a rights holder or investor had bad opinions, you’d have vanishingly few games available to buy.
This feels overly reductive, in much the same way "there is no ethical consumption under capitalism" is sometimes treated? Paraphrasing, it feels like this is saying "everything is bad in some way, so it doesn't matter what choice you make." It feels like a get-out-of-jail-free card to absolve the responsibility that comes with making choices.
But, there are plenty of kindhearted indie game developers, plenty of queer game developers, heck... Plenty of normal, average game developers who haven't stooped to the lows of JKRs actions? JKR is exceptional in many ways, far beyond simply having "bad opinions", and so there are many better options a person can choose when it comes to video games and fandom.
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Comment on ‘Hogwarts Legacy’ tops 267 million hours played, fan interest surpasses ‘Fantastic Beasts’ in ~games
vivarium Link ParentThis has been a bit of a reality check for me over the past few days? My main source of social media these days has been Tumblr, where I've curated a pretty comfy set of blogs to follow, and the...Adding to that, the JKR controversies have, as far as I can see, not really gotten out into the real world, they've been on the internet only
This has been a bit of a reality check for me over the past few days?
My main source of social media these days has been Tumblr, where I've curated a pretty comfy set of blogs to follow, and the sentiment has been pretty strong against the game, as far as the posts on my dash go? A combination of "pushback against people who play the game" + "support for trans + Jewish folks" has felt comforting to read, as a trans person. Even YouTubers like the (cis, straight, cooking channel guy) Adam Ragusea have spoken out against buying the game? (Amazing video from him btw!) So, I'd been feeling pretty secure about the upcoming release...
But then I started seeing more and more comments and reviews outside my bubble, written by people who seem to be unaware (or unbothered) by the controversy surrounding JKR, and... man, it kind of hurts? It feels sort of lonely to see nary a mention of transphobia or antisemitism in mainstream coverage of the game. Out of morbid curiosity, I made the mistake of checking Metacritic, and the one-two punch of "universally positive critic reviews" + "user reviews saying vaguely hostile things towards trans people" was enough to really get me down. At this point I don't want to see any more about the damn game, heh. I wish I could hide in a hole until this passes.
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Comment on A deep, nuanced Tumblr discussion about trans-exclusionary beliefs and how they come to be in ~lgbt
vivarium Link ParentThis is a really good question, and one I don't know the answer to. I feel like I don't really have a strong understanding of what radical feminism actually is, now that I think about it. Thanks...Has the consensus changed, or is this a sign that this thread is mostly led by libfems who have an un-nuanced understanding of radfem?
This is a really good question, and one I don't know the answer to. I feel like I don't really have a strong understanding of what radical feminism actually is, now that I think about it. Thanks for pointing this out -- I have some reading to do.
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Comment on A deep, nuanced Tumblr discussion about trans-exclusionary beliefs and how they come to be in ~lgbt
vivarium (edited )Link ParentI don't disagree with you. What you're saying feels fairly basic and common sense? It's fair and agreeable, and it makes sense to the kinds of people who visit Tildes. At the same time, I was...I don't disagree with you. What you're saying feels fairly basic and common sense? It's fair and agreeable, and it makes sense to the kinds of people who visit Tildes.
At the same time, I was hoping to try to go for something deeper with this post. To try and highlight the journey someone takes on their path to becoming [insert flavor of radfem]? To better understand the mindset and conditioning of someone who falls down the rabbit hole.
The Tumblr discussion, for me, fills the same space as The Alt-Right Playbook video series does, just for TERFs instead of the alt-right. Neither tries to defend or excuse the beliefs they're examining? More-so, they're trying to theorize how people get to where they are, and what worldviews they develop once they get there.
With that context in mind...
I would ask that they consider, however, that trans women are under literal attack
I'm not sure what this thought accomplishes? I feel like it's the sort of thought that resonates with us on Tildes, as trans folk and allies of trans folk, but might fall on deaf ears to TERFs, given everything they've grown to believe.
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Comment on A deep, nuanced Tumblr discussion about trans-exclusionary beliefs and how they come to be in ~lgbt
vivarium LinkI'm trans. This lengthy Tumblr discussion recently came up on my dashboard, and it introduced a lot of nuance into my perspective. It's dense, but I think it's worth reading -- especially...I'm trans. This lengthy Tumblr discussion recently came up on my dashboard, and it introduced a lot of nuance into my perspective. It's dense, but I think it's worth reading -- especially everything including and after user winged-light's reply.
The people in the discussion try to unpack why certain cis women/radical feminists feel so defensive in the face of trans people. I've read posts like that before, and I'm kind of sick of reading them, but... this specific discussion identified feelings and dynamics I had never considered before. And, I feel that these points of view are useful to try to acknowledge and understand, even if I don't support the people who hold these feelings.
I'm hoping that by sharing the link, I can give people some new ideas to chew on, and maybe defuse some tension and bridge the gap in understanding between folks on Tildes.
(Side note: Like a lot of trans folk on Tumblr, I use the Shinigami Eyes extension to identify transphobic users on Tumblr. This discussion has no red names, so I feel safer in sharing it, knowing that the participants probably don't hold trans-exclusionary beliefs themselves.)
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A deep, nuanced Tumblr discussion about trans-exclusionary beliefs and how they come to be
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Comment on Queen Elizabeth II dies in ~news
vivarium Link ParentThis is kind of a tangential question, but... Is "Only costs $X per person" a good way of framing things? When framed that way, the amount feels miniscule, because the amount of change a single...They cost the UK £102M in 2021, which sounds like a lot, but only amounts to £1.52 per person in the UK. And apparently they cost Canada $58M in 2020, which amounts to $1.55 per Canadian. And I think most people, at least here in Canada, are fine with that.
This is kind of a tangential question, but... Is "Only costs $X per person" a good way of framing things?
When framed that way, the amount feels miniscule, because the amount of change a single person can impart with $1.55 is... nothing, basically?
But, by comparison, when that money is concentrated into a single pool to be used for a single purpose by an actor with much more organizational power, I'd imagine that that money would have a much greater capacity to impart change.
I think the reason you're getting the pushback you're getting is because A) "talking about general leftist issues in general leftist spaces" is a bit different than B) "talking about trans issues in non-lgbt-specific spaces":
I think for those reasons, it's a bit of an apples to oranges comparison to imply that the trans issues in this topic are part of an overall "orthodoxy" problem in leftist spaces; there are dynamics at play here that are unique to trans issues in particular.