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What's a recent queer milestone you've reached?
Inspired by this amazing post and the subsequent discussion about the need for more queer joy:
What's a recent queer milestone you've reached/experienced in your life?
It can be something big, but it can also be something small but still meaningful. It can be an event (coming out!), a realization (oh so THAT'S who I am!), a feeling (dress go spinny!), a moment (holding hands!), a recognition (they used male pronouns!), or anything else that is distinctly queer and noteworthy.
Share what it is, what you think about it, and why it's meaningful.
I went swimming for the first time since starting my transition. I've been in hot tubs but only around other queers and before this most recent trip I only owned a single bathing suit in the gender I tend to present as in social situations. Buying a bunch of suits for this trip was a whole ordeal... I'm just not used to how my body looks in this particular style of clothing and it's not a style I typically wear because in my head it just looks off and weird and there aren't really a lot of options for differing body types. Unlike when I bought the first swim suit in this style/gender, I had less issues finding ones that I liked this time and even though there were times where my thoughts were consumed with my own presentation and perception by others, I pretty quickly found myself becoming a lot more comfortable with this kind of clothing and that felt like a win.
Also while I'm often consciously and subconsciously paying attention to how people gender and perceive me, there were moments with clearly straight members of both binary genders that correctly read my gender presentation despite wearing clothes which I felt highlighted my trans body and while some of those interactions were kind of weird, it was also affirming because I don't feel like they clocked me at all. With that being said this was while I was at an EDM event and amongst people who tend to be a lot more liberal and open minded because of this, there were a lot of folks from all over the US and clearly from some very southern/conservative areas and it was nice to know I could pass amongst some of the humans from areas I'm deeply afraid of.
I retook my driver's license pic for the first time since transitioning! I actually look like myself and it's so nice.
I've been in a stable, healthy relationship for the last 8 months. It's been nice. The key has been communication amidst conflict. Each time, we solidified our trust and intimacy.
I've embraced the concept of being demi-gender. I'm not quite agender but I don't feel like woman is a complete description of me. Adding they to my pronouns and to my new business cards was a big deal!
I've recently been taking strides to better my psychical and mental health. I've started shaving consistently, started wearing more gender neutral clothes in public, and started making plans to come out of the closet to the general public. I've also joined in on a few online LGBT communities (talking to people is fun!).
Ironically, I have my best friend of 2 years rejecting me to thank for this. It was the slap on the wrist wake up call I needed to get my life together. Romance is a weird thing huh?
Anyways that's all I have to report. Hope other people on Tildes are winning as well.
I honestly can't really think of anything recent - perhaps the absence of a milestone is also a milestone?
It's been 4-5 years since I came out and started my transition, and the further I get, the less noticeable changes are. I had an orchi 6 months ago but that was one of the last big things/milestones I looked forward to (I want FFS as well but that's out of reach at the moment) so now it's just life and for lack of a better word: maintenance. Taking my hormones every day, upkeep with laser, etc. This whole project of transitioning took up so much energy every single day for such a long time but I do feel like I can just live now - and return to what I would see as a normal life. I've made new friends the last six months and even have a best friend, I have a meeting in half an hour about going to go back to uni in the summer, I'm starting group therapy next week, so many new things that I would not have been able to do this time last year - all thanks to completing my transition.
I'm privileged enough to be able to pass, which is all I wanted to do for many years. I still struggle with dysphoria, grieving experiences and growing up the wrong way, never having the truly correct body... but I'm passing even without makeup 100% of the time which is something I would have never thought possible 5 years ago. Like, it was completely unfathomable.
So yeah, even though I still don't like my looks, and struggle with a million things, I'm starting to accept it because of how successful my transition has actually been. I have been extraordinarily lucky and privileged in this.
This question really made me reflect and realise things, so thanks for posting it OP!
I'm getting close to 5 years since starting hormones now, 6ish for starting social/name whatnot. I've got a lot of trans friends who started before me and it's always interesting to see them reach the 'end' of their transition. Some of them integrate with life fine, others fine themselves constantly searching for the next thing to change, trying to reach a perfection for which the goalpost seems to always move. I'm glad to hear you're reaching acceptance, however, since I think that's the true key to being happy with a transition (and frankly with life).
It's kind of weird, to think about, when I look at pictures of my old self how I actually find some of them rather attractive and see all the things I couldn't see back then. To me, it shows how much my body has changed but also how much this journey has lead me to accept myself a whole lot more. I sometimes wonder how much of it was that I had to go through a period where I watched it change, and just had a uniquely weird body which doesn't match most of what you see in the world and especially in media. With first puberty at least you're going from a kids body to an adults one, and weird proportions are seen everywhere including media, so it's easier to rationalize or ignore. But part of me also wonders how much of it is the social support you receive from fellow queers. How much did the lack of social support around how I looked contribute to my discontent with my body? How much support came from just being happier and more content from day to day living in the direction I wanted to take - the wellspring from which to draw energy to fight the bad thoughts? Ultimately I'll never really know, as we live our lives in one direction, but it is rather interesting to stop and reflect upon these journeys and see how they've changed us over time and see how much more resilient we are today.
If you don't mind me asking (and if you do, you can ignore me or send a DM if you want to keep it private), when researching for an orchi, did you find anything on if that affects full bottom surgery later on or not? Maybe it's something you didn't research, but I want an orchi so I can stop taking spiro, but I don't want that to mean there will be less to work with if I get full GRS later.
Thanks for sharing your story, it sounds almost exactly like mine, ha.
I found that it depends on the surgeon and their technique. There are some who will categorically reject you if you've had an orchi, saying scar tissue and tissue atrophy is a problem. From my not-a-surgeon point of view though, the scar tissue I have is almost invisible though so I fail to see how that could possibly be that big a deal - and the extent of atrophy will of course depend on how long it'll be between your orchi and further GRS.
But yeah as far as I remember, getting an orchi is not necessarily going to make it impossible for you to get GRS in the future. Just that some surgeons won't do it.
Thanks for the follow up and I appreciate the info! It's just one of those impossible situations that nobody can tell me what's best for me. Of course I'd love to shake a magic wand and just have full GRS done, but it's not that simple in reality and requires money, a fuckton of prep, and a fuckton of recovery time, so I'm weighing my options with an orchi as well, knowing if I take that option, there's a chance I can't get full GRS later or that results may be different (though in my 6 years of transitioning now, I've never felt that strongly about needing surgery, so idk). The main thing is that I'm sick of the side effects of spiro and I'd like to get off of it, but I don't want to kill my chances for GRS if I want that in like 5 years.
It's definitely not going to kill your chances of GRS. It will just limit your choice of surgeons - and maybe techniques, but can't say for sure.
I can only say that I highly recommend it. I had awful side effects of AA as well and feel so much better now, like it has been invaluable for my mental health and social life. Plus, the surgery itself is super quick and recovery is only bad for a few days, and only slightly annoying for another week or two (provided you don't have complications). Tucking is easy to the point that things are cis-passing in jeans etc. For me, it has given me 90% of the benefits of full GRS with 10% of the effort.
I'll have to do some more research on it and see what policies and techniques different surgeons do to see if they'd disqualify me from GRS, but an orchi sounds like it may be a good option for me. Thank you for all the info!
I think I'm still hesitant on full bottom surgery since I'm terrified of a botched result and would rather keep what I have now over bad surgery results (but would rather have good surgery results over anything).
I mailed in my big application for covering the costs of top surgery to my insurance provider last week! Still anxiously waiting for a response, it can take a few weeks, but it's the last thing I need to schedule my surgery so I'm practically holding my breath.
I joined/cocreated a queer TTRPG party with a bunch of people I'd never met before, after feeling a deep need for more queer friends in my city. They're all lovely and we're having a great time playing make believe together. One of the greatest joys for me is that none of them knew me in The Before Time, so I have always just been Billie to them, and there is no question that I am a woman. It's extremely refreshing after a challenging Christmas with my family.
Me and my friends joined another queer group having left our previous one in August. It's a much better vibe than the previous one we went to and I'm glad we started going.