reifyresonance's recent activity

  1. Comment on Weekly coronavirus-related chat, questions, and minor updates - week of January 3 in ~health

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    Great. My take is that it seems like a high enough likelihood for me to worry about. But people taking this "eh whatever" attitude make it more likely that I'll get it. And I'm only moderately...

    My personal take on long Covid is that it seems like too low a likelihood for me personally to worry about.

    Great. My take is that it seems like a high enough likelihood for me to worry about. But people taking this "eh whatever" attitude make it more likely that I'll get it. And I'm only moderately high risk - there are plenty of people who are higher risk than me, and what I hear from you is that since the risk to you is perceived as low, you don't care what happens to them. Your attitude, taken at scale, kills disabled people. Maybe you're fine with that, but say it directly.

    Also, money doesn't put food on the table, farmers and truck drivers and grocery store workers do.

    4 votes

  2. Comment on Day 5: Hydrothermal Venture in ~comp

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    Hi! Thank you SO much for the detailed reply. Lots to think about, & I will respond properly.. at some point. Work this week is very busy with holiday orders, so I'm not sure when I'll next have...

    Hi! Thank you SO much for the detailed reply. Lots to think about, & I will respond properly.. at some point. Work this week is very busy with holiday orders, so I'm not sure when I'll next have the bandwidth to go through all this but I wanted to say some words to let you know I really appreciate the help.

    2 votes

  3. Comment on Day 5: Hydrothermal Venture in ~comp

    reifyresonance
    (edited )
    Link
    Late to the party. I've been learning Rust for this, as well as getting back into programming, which I haven't really done much of for ~2yrs. Languages I've been good at in the past are python and...

    Late to the party. I've been learning Rust for this, as well as getting back into programming, which I haven't really done much of for ~2yrs. Languages I've been good at in the past are python and go. So I am a little behind, just finished day 5 today. (Also, etiquette Q - should I just blast all the prior threads with my solutions there? I feel like not, but I want people to see them/give feedback on them...)

    Related: Feedback very much appreciated. I kinda hate the way I got the diagonal lines in, but don't know a better way. Rust ranges can't have a negative step, you have to do (1..100).rev() instead of (100..1).step_by(-1), and I don't know how to do this neatly. The python code I want to write is range(start[0], end[0], step_x). A match with 4 separate arms maybe? The vertical/horizontal lines piece is so clean in comparison...

    I originally had each segment represented as a HashSet of points, and then a nested for loop checking the intersection of every combination. This worked but was slowwww. The person mentoring me walked me through figuring out a more performant solution. Another thing that would be neat to hear from other people is: given a working solution, what steps do you take to arrive at a performant solution? What I ended up with was collecting all the points from every segment, sorting them, and then getting ONLY duplicates, then deduping and counting that. I would love to know if there's a functional way to do that - for an iterator, keep a value if it's equal to the prior value. I thought this looks kinda like a fold? That's an operation that keeps state, and I could just set the accumulator to the prior value, but then there's no filter predicate... I could also use the nightly (_, duplicates) = vec.partition_dedup(); and then sort, dedup, filter, but I have been avoiding nightly-only functions because I figure there's probably a better way to do it.

    Other little questions:

    • Is there a way to impl on a type alias, so I can do Segment::new instead of new_segment?
    • Segment also doesn't need to be collected into a vector, right? So it could be some Iterator<Point> or something... what would that look like? Quick search for how to return an iterator seems complicated.
    • Why would one make Point an [i32; 2] vs a (i32, i32) vs a struct Point { x: i32, y: i32}?

    Anyways, here's what I came up with. I will look at other answers in this thread after posting.

    Rust 
    use std::fs;

type Point = (i32, i32);

type Segment = Vec<Point>;

fn new_segment(start: Point, end: Point) -> Segment {
    let first_x = start.0.min(end.0);
    let second_x = start.0.max(end.0);
    let first_y = start.1.min(end.1);
    let second_y = start.1.max(end.1);

    if start.0 == end.0 {
        // is vertical
        (first_y..=second_y).map(|y| (first_x, y)).collect()
    } else if start.1 == end.1 {
        // is horizontal
        (first_x..=second_x).map(|x| (x, first_y)).collect()
    } else {
        // is diagonal @ 45 degrees
        // replace with Vec::new() for part 1 sln
        let step_x = if end.0 > start.0 { 1 } else { -1 };
        let step_y = if end.1 > start.1 { 1 } else { -1 };

        let mut points: Segment = Vec::new();
        let mut cur = start;
        loop {
            points.push(cur);
            if cur == end {
                break;
            }
            cur = (cur.0 + step_x, cur.1 + step_y);
        }

        points
    }
}

fn main() {
    let contents = fs::read_to_string("src/input.txt").unwrap();
    let lines = contents.lines();
    let parsed: Vec<Vec<Vec<i32>>> = lines
        .map(|l| {
            l.split(" -> ")
                .map(|coords| coords.split(',').map(|x| x.parse().unwrap()).collect())
                .collect()
        })
        .collect();

    let mut all_points: Vec<Point> = Vec::new();
    for seg in parsed {
        all_points.extend(new_segment((seg[0][0], seg[0][1]), (seg[1][0], seg[1][1])))
    }

    all_points.sort();

    let mut dupe_points: Vec<Point> = Vec::new();
    let mut last: Point = (-1, -1);
    for point in all_points {
        if point == last {
            dupe_points.push(point);
        }
        last = point;
    }

    dupe_points.dedup();
    println!("Answer is: {:?}", dupe_points.len());
}
    3 votes

  4. Comment on What if we could inoculate people against depression and trauma? in ~health.mental

    reifyresonance
    (edited )
    Link
    Here's the original paper: "Ketamine as a prophylactic against stress-induced depressive-like behavior". I found this linked via her website. And because I wonder about these things: the best...

    Here's the original paper: "Ketamine as a prophylactic against stress-induced depressive-like behavior". I found this linked via her website.

    And because I wonder about these things: the best effect was from 30mg/kg in mice. Applying this formula, which gets you a human equivalent dose based on body surface area (I'm not sure this is correct for this drug), we get a dose of ~150mg for a 60kg human. Psychonaut wiki considers this a "heavy" dose when insufflated, which has a bioavailability of 45%. Intramuscular injections have a whopping 93% bioavailability. So my conclusion is, at the doses she's tested, one would in fact be tripping balls.

    1 vote

  5. Comment on Recent wave of transphobic narratives worries trans community in ~lgbt

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    I don't worry so much about people who put on a nice face in order to be malicious, I would sooner think a comment with sweet words but poor effect was someone unintentionally repeating myths...

    Do comments that at first seem positive regularly give you pause and a reason to be concerned about that, or is it relatively a non-issue compared to other difficulties you face online?

    I don't worry so much about people who put on a nice face in order to be malicious, I would sooner think a comment with sweet words but poor effect was someone unintentionally repeating myths they'd heard, or something like that.

    1 vote

  6. Comment on Recent wave of transphobic narratives worries trans community in ~lgbt

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    let me try to give some insight. hi. trans person here. I really do not care to engage with what cis people think about trans issues online. much of the time they are engaging in bad faith. other...

    let me try to give some insight. hi. trans person here. I really do not care to engage with what cis people think about trans issues online. much of the time they are engaging in bad faith. other times they are willfully ignorant. the minority is well-meaning but usually lacking a full grasp of the situation. think about what this means when reading comments like the first in this thread.

    click when you have thought about it it is the CONSTANT (online and off) sorting of people into friend or foe. will this person hurt me, will they say things that leave me a wreck for the rest of the day, are they someone to be trusted. I do not like that I have to do this.

    I try to assess the character of a space before saying anything. on tildes, this means "what has been posted in this thread." someone JAQing off or being argumentative without an EXPLICIT declaration of allyship and that it's coming from a good place makes me not want to engage. I do not feel safe doing so. the default environment is hostility; unless there are flashing signs saying that's not the case, for my own emotional well-being, I will assume it is.

    I hate that most of the comments on this post are meta conversation.

    I don't like my comment but rather than editing it for another 20m or deleting it I will post in case it is useful.

    8 votes

  7. Comment on Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction in ~health.mental

    reifyresonance
    Link
    Hm. Anecdote: I was on lexapro for a month or so about a year ago. It pretty much completely killed my sex drive. After I stopped taking it, I remember joking a few months later that that effect...
    • Exemplary

    Hm. Anecdote: I was on lexapro for a month or so about a year ago. It pretty much completely killed my sex drive. After I stopped taking it, I remember joking a few months later that that effect was persisting. It seemed kinda ridiculous that a medication I was no longer taking was still having effects.

    At the time I figured the lack of sex drive/enjoyment was a function of habit and environment - habit, in that the "sex is good, actually" pathways had atrophied (I do remember being surprised and having the thought "I should do this more often!" more than once), and environment, in that I was no longer as close to my partner emotionally. I settled down into a routine of doing it occasionally because it made my partner happy and that made me happy, but after I told her that was the main reason I was doing it, we pretty much stopped. I think another component was gender dysphoria, and a general sense of not feeling safe in my body due to lingering effects of traumas.

    slight tmi I wasn't even really doing any... self-pleasuring activities either. And when I did (and I find this very funny in retrospect) it was with the reasoning "yes, this is good for my Health." (I think I wrote a little on here about my health anxiety in the past.)

    I (finally) broke up with her a few weeks ago. The emotional relief of this has been great, and I'm starting to get some manner of libido back.

    If I were to try and organize this story into a theory, or narrative, it's that for me, an SSRI knocked me into a lower local minimum of sex drive and exerted a pull to keep me there while I was taking it. When I stopped taking it, I didn't really try to do anything to get out of the hole. However, I think it is possible, with time and attending to other causes. I can't see this being permanent -- brains are too plastic for that. For example, I realized the other day while doing a body scan meditation that I don't notice bodily sensations unless I'm in pain. I didn't realize I could tell how much I had been standing during a day by feeling my feet -- I only recognized "fine" and "in pain from too much walking."

    tangent Reminded of something an acquaintance said a few weeks ago about perception of range of emotions, and what's "okay" for men specifically to feel, and how we should push for more than just "fine" and "upset." Like, there's a whole wheel of descriptive words, and like color, internalizing categories changes the nuance of perception. (Periwinkle: blue as resentful: anger). And how certain definitions of masculinity don't permit the necessary range of being in touch with your emotions.

    So I've been trying mindfulness, to notice what this body is feeling, and to be kinder to it, rather than being like a parent who only responds to a child when they throw a tantrum. This has, over the past few weeks, been good for my relationship with my body, and by extension, my sex drive. (Agh - trying to move away from dualistic mind vs body thinking instead of embedded bodymind.) Whatever role SSRIs may have played, I think I am moving past it.

    7 votes

  8. Comment on What is something you've changed your mind about recently? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    To draw one step further into woo, I've been learning Reiki (an energy work system for healing), and have been using it to great effect on myself when I've got bad anxiety/am verging panicwards....

    To draw one step further into woo, I've been learning Reiki (an energy work system for healing), and have been using it to great effect on myself when I've got bad anxiety/am verging panicwards. Here's an article about it! The Atlantic - Reiki Can’t Possibly Work. So Why Does It?

    While I'm here, I'd like to draw in one of my favorite essays of all time, Dancing With The Gods. I suggest the whole thing, but here's an excerpt that gets my point across:

    There's my experience. Now some theory for you skeptical types out there.
    If my language is too "religious" for you, feel free to transpose it all into the key of psychology. Speak of archetypes and semi-independent complexes. Feel free to hypothesize that I've merely learned how to enter some non-ordinary mental states that change my body language, disable a few mental censors, and have me putting out signals that other people interpret in terms of certain material in their own unconscious minds.
    Fine. You've explained it. Correctly, even. But you can't do it!
    And as long as you stick with the sterile denotative language of psychology, and the logical mode of the waking mind, you won't be able to --- because you can't reach and program the unconscious mind that way. It takes music, symbolism, sex, hypnosis, wine and strange drugs, firelight and chanting, ritual and magic. Super-stimuli that reach past the conscious mind and neocortex, in and back to the primate and mammal and reptile brains curled up inside.
    Rituals are programs written in the symbolic language of the unconscious mind. Religions are program libraries that share critical subroutines. And the Gods represent subystems in the wetware being programmed. All humans have potential access to pretty much the same major gods because our wetware design is 99% shared.
    Only...that cold and mechanistic a way of thinking about the Gods simply will not work when you want to evoke one. For full understanding, the Apollonian/scientific mode is essential; for direct experience, the Dionysian/ecstatic mode is the only way to go.
    One great virtue of this dual explanation is that it removes the need for what William James, in his remarkable "The Varieties of Religious Experience", called the "objective correlative". By identifying the Gods with shared features of our psychological and inter-subjective experience, but being willing to dance with them on their own terms in the ritual circle, we can explain religious experience in respectful and non-reductive ways without making any anti-rational commitments about history or cosmology. Scientific method cannot ultimately be reconciled with religious faith, but it can get along with experiential mysticism just fine.

    5 votes

  9. Comment on What shortages have you noticed recently? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link
    People have been canning so much that jars have been hard to find throughout the pandemic, all sizes.

    People have been canning so much that jars have been hard to find throughout the pandemic, all sizes.

    5 votes

  10. Comment on What have you been eating, drinking, and cooking? in ~food

    reifyresonance
    Link
    Haven't been cooking a ton, due to various reasons. In the middle of organizing my spice cabinet and putting everything into airtight jars. Got some long pepper and spikenard in the mail, going to...

    Haven't been cooking a ton, due to various reasons. In the middle of organizing my spice cabinet and putting everything into airtight jars. Got some long pepper and spikenard in the mail, going to try making Max Miller's version of Araf Tib (a spice mix) from his video on ancient egypt's 28 ingredient hummus. Excited to try it, and try my hand at more spice mixes as well. I wonder what makes a good spice mix?

    Made several scrambles with egg, sweet potato, garlic/onion, peppers, and the aforementioned long pepper - it's a very interesting flavor that I suggest trying at some point, but am pretty far from calling it essential to my cooking. I got it from the spice house, which describes it thus:

    Long pepper has a history as rich as black pepper, but it is more complex in flavor. Notes of nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger make it an all-around spicier pepper. Use it for Ayurvedic recipes, as well as many Indonesian and Malaysian ones.

    I definitely notice the nutmeg notes, but it's really only notes. Not at all what I expected, but good stuff!

    Been sick (not covid), had my partner make me some golden milk, which for me is oat milk with turmeric, ginger, black pepper, and honey boiled for 10 minutes. It is very good and imo better with fresh ginger/turmeric but we use what we have. Same category of drink as hot chocolate but different. Try it!

    Sandwich with hummus, chinese cucumber, tomato, s&p, red pepper flakes, and I finally succumbed to trend and got everything but the bagel seasoning. It's pretty alright.

    Made some onion pancakes with no recipe that were pretty alright? Had too much banana in it. The real star was the sauce - soy sauce, rice vinegar, toasted sesame oil, red pepper flakes, ginger. (Wants sugar but I omit) Very simple but very good.

    Trying to switch to only whole grains (I will make an exception for e.g. wheat bran cereal) and it is HARD as my microbiome adjusts. Suggestions for ways to do this better are welcome - anyone have a good whole wheat bread recipe, or savory whole wheat (flat|quick)bread recipes? Do better rice cookers make brown rice in under 90 minutes? Do whole wheat bagels exist or will I be sad forever? Know any good ways to use millet? (I've just been amending white rice with it...)

    Going to start going to farmers market more - they have the best garlic. Also realized I can do 60% of my shopping there, so why not?

    5 votes

  11. Comment on What's something that is, surprisingly, made with animal products? in ~enviro

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    Similarly, "confectioners glaze" is made from the excretions of the lac bug. And a lot of sugar is filtered with bone char.

    Similarly, "confectioners glaze" is made from the excretions of the lac bug. And a lot of sugar is filtered with bone char.

    4 votes

  12. Comment on What would you do with 30+ kg of fresh tomatoes, and counting? in ~food

    reifyresonance
    Link
    You might have more avenues to give away - nextdoor or a local Buy Nothing Facebook group. Friend suggests selling them out of your yard, truck, or at a flea market. Tomato paste can be frozen in...

    You might have more avenues to give away - nextdoor or a local Buy Nothing Facebook group. Friend suggests selling them out of your yard, truck, or at a flea market.

    Tomato paste can be frozen in 1tbsp blobs.

    Peppers are easy to pickle and you can fridge pickle them if you don't want to can, but canning is pretty easy, and makes a great gift that you can store for a long time.

    Sun dried tomatoes in oil? I think you can even make a fascimile of this with an oven.

    You don't need a pressure cooker to can tomatoes since they're acidic, btw.

    Pasta sauce, pizza sauce, roasted in the oven, caprese salad, bruschetta, tomato soup, might be good in various dals but idk the marginal utility of using garden tomatoes, shirazi salad, fattoush, just salted with olive oil, or ketchup/bbq sauce.

    6 votes

  13. Comment on OnlyFans will prohibit "content containing sexually-explicit conduct" (but still allow nudity) starting October 1, at the request of banking/payment providers in ~tech

    reifyresonance
    Link
    Possibly tangentially interesting: here's a subreddit wiki page for payment methods for independent online sex workers. Crypto is at the top, and for good reason IMO. There's also OF competitors...

    Possibly tangentially interesting: here's a subreddit wiki page for payment methods for independent online sex workers. Crypto is at the top, and for good reason IMO. There's also OF competitors like JustFor.Fans that someone I know is switching to.

    4 votes

  14. Comment on How do you distinguish between masculinity and toxic masculinity? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link
    Most of the comments so far seem extraordinarily vague. Here's a few definitions I agree with....

    Most of the comments so far seem extraordinarily vague. Here's a few definitions I agree with.

    Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It’s the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly “feminine” traits – which can range fromemotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual – are the means by which your status as “man” can be taken away.

    https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-difference-between-toxic-masculinity-and-being-a-man-dg/

    [TM] is associated with emotional detachment, hyper-competitiveness and used as a shorthand to describe traits linked to domination and power.

    The modifier “toxic” is used to highlight the fact that these traits carry some potentially significant and detrimental outcomes that affect mental health and the relationships at family and societal levels.

    Men have to bear the responsibility of being the sole breadwinner of their family

    Men must be independent and strong regardless of hardships they go through

    Men should express masculinity by being aggressive, sexually experienced, and demanding.

    https://projectgreenribbon.org/toxic-masculinity-isnt-masculinity-toxic/

    Toxic masculinity is a cultural script of acceptable behaviour for men. Harmful effects of toxic masculinity arise when men internalise stereotypes associated with masculinity that are inconsistent with their inner experience, desires and understanding.

    This [hegemonic] masculinity contains a script of manhood that is governed by a rigorous set of unattainable standards including that men should be stoic, physically tough, competitive, successful, able to provide for others and sexually adept. A further problem with this dominant form of masculinity is that it reflects a white, heterosexual, middle class standard (Connell, 1987), thus being restrictive in relation to cultural background, sexuality and class.

    It is toxic because the standards of manhood that it prescribes are unattainable; the idea of manhood has been described as an ‘elusive ideal’ (Vandello & Cohen, 2008, p. 653). It is toxic because hegemonic masculinity itself is a cultural and structural ordering of the masculine/feminine binary that reinforces and ‘institutionalises men’s dominance over women’ and men’s dominance over each other (Connell, 1987, p. 185-186; cited in Bird, 1996). In relying on the masculine/feminine binary, hegemonic masculinity ignores and invisibilises those falling outside the binary. This maintains stigma around gender fluidity, gender non-conformity, bisexuality and people who are transgender or intersex.

    https://www.sydneyfeminists.org/toxic-masculinity

    9 votes

  15. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    I have had... a lot of medical anxiety since covid started/I had something that might've been it. Had chest pains that seemed like a heart attack, turned out to be like sternum inflammation. That...

    I have had... a lot of medical anxiety since covid started/I had something that might've been it. Had chest pains that seemed like a heart attack, turned out to be like sternum inflammation. That was a fun few months going to the cardiologist. Had UTI symptoms, turned out I was eating too much spicy food (rip). Weird bubbling in my pelvis area, oh no, am I leaking internally??? Other stuff too.

    The most useful wisdom I have gained thus far is "Yes, I am going to be okay. I'm going to do what I need to in order to diagnose this, and then I'm going to do what I need to in order to deal with it. That's the whole process. I'm not going to die in the week it takes to get to the doctor. Even if it's cancer or something, the process will be the same. It'll suck, but it'll be okay." And like, that's still really hard to do sometimes. Noticing your fear and mindfully responding to it goes a long way though.

    I will often light a white candle for peace, tranquility, and serenity, and ask the powers of such to be with me as long as it burns. (Customize to fit beliefs.) My new doc doesn't prescribe them, but benzos e.g. xanax, klonopin have been extremely effective for acute anxiety. Also, the propranolol I was prescribed when I thought there was something wrong with my heart.

    Also, I think it is best to avoid doctor Google. The mind and body are more connected than I once thought, and anxiety about symptoms almost always seems to make them worse. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

    I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your maladies or lack thereof. It is not easy, and I sympathize.❤️

    4 votes

  16. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    Thank you, this helps. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I've been drifting aimlessly for a hot minute. I don't know how to figure this out. I've got a few spiritual experiences that I...

    Thank you, this helps. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I've been drifting aimlessly for a hot minute. I don't know how to figure this out. I've got a few spiritual experiences that I think have shown me a destination, but not a path. I don't know if/think it's one she can take with me. But if your head's in the clouds, you need your feet on the ground -- and I don't know what that part of my life is going to look like either. Just had a job interview the other day though, for something I think I'd enjoy doing, so that feels like it's moving again. Though I don't know how to untangle "interpellated desire to be a productive cog" from "wanting to do something with my life instead of just vibing." Lots of fertile ground for future thought.

    I'm going to check in more closely with her about where she wants to end up. We talked about this the other day, but not in depth.

    It's better to recognize that now so you can break up and save both of you the stress of staying together.

    This, and the paragraph containing this, might be true, and that scares me. We've been having trouble with the reconciliation part. My view is that this is mainly on her, but I'm not an outside observer, and she seems to think it's with me. Who's right? Nobody knows! (Probably both of us to an extent -- but I'm bitter that I always end up admitting fault and she rarely does.)

    Again, thank you for writing such a thoughtful comment. I hope it helps other people as much as it's helping me.

    5 votes

  17. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it. Answers to rhetorical questions I know you posed this as rhetorical, but I'm going to type out my answers anyways, just to think through it. May...

    Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it.

    Answers to rhetorical questions I know you posed this as rhetorical, but I'm going to type out my answers anyways, just to think through it. May or may not end up posting them. Airing own dirty laundry, all feel free to skip.

    Are you happy, or just afraid of being alone?

    I am not happy and have not been for quite some time

    With compromise, are you compromising more than your partner, or vice versa? That can certainly build resentment long term.

    I feel I am compromising more. I am a more malleable person, her more rigid. The dynamic is as you said.

    Every relationship has ups and downs. Are there more happy days than sad?

    No. A lot of tense and stressful days.

    Do you have any shared interests? It's perfectly fine to only have a few, but having at least a few helps.

    Not really. I guess we both like nature, but it's allergy season.

    Can you spend 8 hours together with no screens and be happy? What about with? If it's only one or the other, maybe there's a disconnect.

    I don't think we have spent 8 hours without screens, I don't think we could. I think we used to be able to. With -- we live together and have for a few years, so this happens often.

    Are there any patterns of abuse or manipulation? It can be hard to tell if you're experiencing them in the moment. Read up on the signs.

    Quick search, found first 3 websites with lists of signs. I got 4/11, 6/11, and 3.5/12, being as liberal as possible with the mentioned signs. I think that's not great but not enough for a diagnosis, y'know? I'll watch for these more as time goes on.

    Are there irreconcilable differences? I've seen two long-term relationships crumble because 1 person wanted kids and pressured the other into it.

    A discussion we've been having. What's irreconcilable? People can change. Small one -- I don't want her to smoke inside, but she does anyway. Irreconcilable! But there is a bigger one that I don't know if I can change on.

    Do you trust each other? Would both of you trust the other to wholly manage finances?

    Ehh she's way into crypto and I'm not -- it's made her a lot of money, but I wouldn't want her managing more than a portion of my finances. Too risky. Pretty sure she wouldn't trust me wholly either -- I'm pretty young, she's not.

    Sex matters. I've held as a rule that more is better than less. If neither of you has any interest for more than a day or two, perhaps it's a warning. Make sure you're on the same page about fetishes, monogamy, and frequency.

    how about I haven't wanted to except to make her happy for a month or three but also we havent been at all cuz she found out thats why I was doing it haha

    gotta admit this doesn't look good. and like, I know things aren't good. but I think I should work on fixing them. maybe. I don't know. I'm giving it a solid try. I was going to leave but I don't think I can without trying to put the work in first.

    My biggest advice is to live together for at least a year and have plenty of sex. I've seen many relationships crumble because they didn't do that.

    We kinda.. jumped the gun. A year of long-distance, then I moved in with her. A friend pointed out we missed the whole "dating" stage kinda... I almost want to go back and do that part.

    Marriage is mostly a legal construct of the state.

    Absolutely agree, haha. I've taken almost the opposite view though, that I shouldn't need the state to acknowledge my commitment for it to be real. Those tax benefits tho :eyes:

    So many thoughtful comments.. I will get to the rest of y'all, read the books, etc. Lot going on right now though.

    9 votes

  18. Comment on How do you read books that defy interpretation, logic, semantics or even language itself? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    yeah, like poetry. this is similar to the approach I have been recommended for reading Deluze (which I have temporarily given up on due to lack of comprehension, haha). just let it move you, see...

    yeah, like poetry. this is similar to the approach I have been recommended for reading Deluze (which I have temporarily given up on due to lack of comprehension, haha). just let it move you, see how you feel.

    3 votes

  19. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link
    How do you decide if you're going to stay with a romantic partner long term? How do you decide what you can compromise on, and what you can't? How do you decide if problems (with them or with the...

    How do you decide if you're going to stay with a romantic partner long term? How do you decide what you can compromise on, and what you can't? How do you decide if problems (with them or with the relationship - if it's a "me" problem of course I'm gonna work on it) are worth trying to work on? How do you know if it's time to move on?

    Context: tough times in my first long term relationship, 3 years in. Young soul seeks experienced soul.

    I'm guess I'm worried about how this would come across due to context I've omitted - it puts everything in a bad light. Let me know if this doesn't fit.

    12 votes

  20. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    reifyresonance
    Link Parent
    In short - there is no way I can know how things would've been otherwise. I don't think it was really a choice, I just had to follow it. We get the "courage" thing a lot, but to me it was really...

    In short - there is no way I can know how things would've been otherwise. I don't think it was really a choice, I just had to follow it. We get the "courage" thing a lot, but to me it was really the only viable path, so I don't think I'm courageous for taking it. Benefits/drawbacks? I can't know. Some days it sucks. Most days it doesn't register. It is what it is baybee :) we're just livin it out one day at a time. I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable if I tried to detransition though.

    For reference, these are my feelings after 5 years social transition, 3 years medical transition (overlapped).

    9 votes