tlalexander's recent activity

  1. Comment on Jitsi Meet: Secure, fully featured, and completely free video conferencing in ~tech

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Dang. Maybe the title here should be changed then.

    Dang. Maybe the title here should be changed then.

    2 votes
  2. Comment on Trump says he will not allow federal inspection over bailout funds in ~finance

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    I want to say it’s to trick us all in to believing the politicians are looking out for us.

    I want to say it’s to trick us all in to believing the politicians are looking out for us.

    3 votes
  3. Comment on Trump says he will not allow federal inspection over bailout funds in ~finance

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    I remember when Halliburton, Vice President Dick Cheney’s company, got multi billion dollar contracts during George W Bush’s presidency after 9/11. But half a trillion dollars with no oversight...

    I remember when Halliburton, Vice President Dick Cheney’s company, got multi billion dollar contracts during George W Bush’s presidency after 9/11. But half a trillion dollars with no oversight would be so much more than what we’ve seen before. Well okay, the more I think about it there was the big bank bailout, and the pentagon gets hundreds of billions a year... but still this seems quite significant.

    6 votes
  4. Comment on What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend in ~life

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Yeah for sure. This thread got touchy for me because another user called poly “fucking weird”. I can’t tell you how much better my life would have been if people told me when I was young that I...

    Yeah for sure. This thread got touchy for me because another user called poly “fucking weird”. I can’t tell you how much better my life would have been if people told me when I was young that I didn’t have to only date one person at a time. It’s definitely not for everyone but it is good for me!

    1 vote
  5. Comment on What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend in ~life

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    I love getting to know someone deeply too! But when I was in monogamous relationships a problem would happen that eventually I’d meet another fantastic person that liked me too, and it felt like...

    I love getting to know someone deeply too! But when I was in monogamous relationships a problem would happen that eventually I’d meet another fantastic person that liked me too, and it felt like torture that I couldn’t pursue them. Now with poly that’s not a problem! I rarely feel exhausted because I only date new people when I’m feeling extra capacity. And then it’s great to have someone I know deeply that I can spend time with, but still meet new people, be close with them, and enjoy all life has to offer.

    But it might not be for you! And that’s totally okay. :)

    4 votes
  6. Comment on What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend in ~life

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Sure. I almost never feel any jealousy even as my partners are spending lots of time and doing lots of things with other people. In fact I usually feel good that they are having a good time....

    Sure. I almost never feel any jealousy even as my partners are spending lots of time and doing lots of things with other people. In fact I usually feel good that they are having a good time. That’s called compersion and I feel it a lot.

    As a thought experiment: do you feel jealous when your friend hangs out with another friend and has a good time? Well under some circumstances we can feel jealous there, but it’s also pretty normal to feel happy for our friends. We get time with our friends when we can, but they have lives and other friends. That’s normal. With poly, for me, I feel the same way about my partners. They spend time with me when we can, but they have other partners and to me that’s normal. The one occasion I feel jealous is when someone I really want to spend time with doesn’t want to spend time with me (like not even plan time in the future), but does want to spend time with someone else. Then I get jealous because I can’t have something someone else is having. But if the person wants to see me at some point then I don’t really feel jealous if they’re doing something else at other times.

    I have never been a jealous person. Back in the day I let my girlfriend and best friend hook up and I was just happy for them. I’ve always been interested in lots of people. So since I want to be free to mingle with multiple people and I don’t really care if my partners do so with others, it made rational sense for me to embrace poly, learn how to cope with any weird feelings that might come up, and eventually just let go of any of the potential feelings of conflict that might come up when someone you love is with someone else.

    You have to realize that in monogamy, you’ve explicitly made a promise not to be sexual or intimate with other people. So if a partner violates that, they’ve betrayed your trust. But in poly you simply don’t make that promise, and then if a partner has sex with someone else no trust has been violated. It’s just fine. You likely go in to the relationship expecting that. And you’re allowed to not participate. But if you choose to participate then you’re accepting what will come. So when it happens, there’s really nothing to it.

    I can still feel sad if someone I like doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. But if me and them have a good relationship and we get together sometimes and kiss and cuddle and sleep together, that’s fantastic! What they do when we’re not together has no effect on me aside from safer sex concerns.

    3 votes
  7. Comment on What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend in ~life

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Same. We’ve got six poly people in our house for lockdown. It’s great! Last night me and my partner and her husband and her other partner and another roommate watched Picard together. :)

    Same. We’ve got six poly people in our house for lockdown. It’s great! Last night me and my partner and her husband and her other partner and another roommate watched Picard together. :)

    6 votes
  8. Comment on What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend in ~life

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Polyamory is super common in the right places and can work really well for some people, with the right expectations. I imagine there were a whole lot of reasons hippie communes fell apart, and I...

    Polyamory is super common in the right places and can work really well for some people, with the right expectations. I imagine there were a whole lot of reasons hippie communes fell apart, and I doubt it was “usually” due primarily to relationship jealousy. But where I live in the San Francisco Bay Area it’s really easy to find poly people, and it’s working extremely well for me. I never liked monogamy. Lots of people do! But not everyone.

    6 votes
  9. Comment on What it’s like to isolate with your girlfriend and her other boyfriend in ~life

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Hah. Okay this is so one sided it is funny to me. I’m currently on lockdown with my recent ex partner and her new partner. We’re poly. Upstairs there’s also a partner of mine, her husband, and one...

    Hah. Okay this is so one sided it is funny to me. I’m currently on lockdown with my recent ex partner and her new partner. We’re poly. Upstairs there’s also a partner of mine, her husband, and one of her partners. Also a cat.

    I never liked monogamy. Lots of people, as you say “tend to go for monogamous relationships”. But of course they do! That’s all I ever learned about. People like you said anything else was “plain fucking weird”.

    Well I’ve read the books on polyamory. The foundational text The Ethical Slut, and newer more balanced books like More Than Two. Actually polyamory is not weird. People having multiple relationships of many different flavors throughout history is an extremely normal human thing. It only seems weird because many cultures have pretended like monogamy is all there is.

    I am MUCH happier with polyamory. I’ve been in regular therapy for years, and he encouraged me to read the books, to start telling my monogamous partners I wanted to be poly, and when those relationships inevitably ended to finally only seek out other poly people. It has been several years since my last “monogamous but i don’t want to lose you so I’ll try poly even if it’s painful” relationship. Now it’s only people who themselves want to be poly.

    It’s one of the best things things to ever happen to me. To discover this. The speed, the flow, the pace. It’s all right for me. Years ago with a monogamous break up, it basically immediately ended any connection she and I had. After years together, I was devastated. With my most recent break up, with a relationship of similar duration, the pain is dramatically lower. Even though she has a new partner, she can spend time with me without threatening her other relationship. I’m working on letting go, but it’s nice that we can still see each other and even still cuddle! Honestly monogamous break ups where all of a sudden you stop spending any time with your friend of years because your new partner feels threatened - that seems so unhealthy to me.

    You don’t have to like poly. You be and do what feels right for you! But please understand, there are many of us out here that find monogamy weird. It’s a personal preference, not an objective fact, whether poly is weird or normal.

    13 votes
  10. Comment on Governor mandates all resorts, restaurants, and bars in Nevada must close for 30 days to prevent the spread of coronavirus in ~health.coronavirus

    tlalexander
    Link
    Meanwhile the organizers of Electric Daisy Carnival music festival still insist that their event with 450,000 people will still happen in May. People have been wondering when they will change...

    Meanwhile the organizers of Electric Daisy Carnival music festival still insist that their event with 450,000 people will still happen in May. People have been wondering when they will change their tune...

    2 votes
  11. Comment on Advice from a doctor who studied coronaviruses for 50 years in ~health.coronavirus

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    I had a really great first date via video call today for someone that lives in my area. I was disappointed at first that she didn’t want to meet in person today but the video date was super fun...

    I had a really great first date via video call today for someone that lives in my area. I was disappointed at first that she didn’t want to meet in person today but the video date was super fun and actually I’m starting to feel like isolation is a good thing for now. And I learned that she recently spent time with a friend who is now sick so it was seemingly mostly for my benefit.

    2 votes
  12. Comment on Social Distancing: This is not a snow day in ~health.coronavirus

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    I just canceled on a friends birthday party because of these recommendations. Well, and I’m having a bad day and not in a party mood. Another friend convinced me I won’t die if I get the virus,...

    I just canceled on a friends birthday party because of these recommendations. Well, and I’m having a bad day and not in a party mood. Another friend convinced me I won’t die if I get the virus, but I still don’t want to be a carrier and bring it to a grocery store or to my roommates. It’s a good article. My friend with the birthday will be okay, and I need some time to myself today.

    6 votes
  13. Comment on Brands can now purchase an ad in the #2 slot of Reddit's "Trending" sections in the Popular page and Search dropdown in ~tech

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Worker ownership of the means of production? Idk but what if we all owned a bunch of web servers and used IPFS to host the web? I mean apparently IPFS (or was it Solid?) is a dumpster fire but I...

    Worker ownership of the means of production? Idk but what if we all owned a bunch of web servers and used IPFS to host the web? I mean apparently IPFS (or was it Solid?) is a dumpster fire but I mean a non fire version of IPFS.

    2 votes
  14. Comment on Andrew Yang’s new non-profit is giving away $500,000 in free cash as a UBI experiment in ~news

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Well Marx had (part of) the solution 150 years ago. We all need to own the machines collectively.

    Well Marx had (part of) the solution 150 years ago. We all need to own the machines collectively.

    5 votes
  15. Comment on Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary available now for PC with The Master Chief Collection in ~games

  16. Comment on Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary available now for PC with The Master Chief Collection in ~games

    tlalexander
    Link
    I hope the binary isn’t so hobbled that some day I can run it on Linux. I was in college when the first Halo came out and I have many fond memories of playing this game 4v4 on LAN in my friends...

    I hope the binary isn’t so hobbled that some day I can run it on Linux. I was in college when the first Halo came out and I have many fond memories of playing this game 4v4 on LAN in my friends garage on two TVs. It was a really nice gaming system!

    5 votes
  17. Comment on We’re not prepared for the end of Moore’s Law in ~comp

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Plus we can deploy more computers. Cloud data centers are growing and they’re deploying GPUs and TPUs. Hell the growth in parallel computing in TPU style chips means we’re still going to be...

    Plus we can deploy more computers. Cloud data centers are growing and they’re deploying GPUs and TPUs. Hell the growth in parallel computing in TPU style chips means we’re still going to be building ever more powerful chips with these newer architectures. Sure single threaded performance might not grow but I assume there’s lots of room to make beefier machine learning chips.

    3 votes
  18. Comment on Bloomberg bankrolls a social-media army to push message in ~news

    tlalexander
    Link
    Billionaires should not exist.

    Billionaires should not exist.

    13 votes
  19. Comment on A trio of articles about Bernie Sanders in ~news

    tlalexander
    Link
    So if you support Bernie then consider volunteering! I did some canvassing with the Bernie team and it was easy! They need people to phone bank and text bank too. Let’s get everyone medical...

    So if you support Bernie then consider volunteering! I did some canvassing with the Bernie team and it was easy! They need people to phone bank and text bank too. Let’s get everyone medical coverage once and for all!

    https://berniesanders.com/volunteer/

    9 votes
  20. Comment on I don’t want to be the strong female lead in ~movies

    tlalexander
    Link Parent
    Well I don’t agree that strong accusations “should” be backed up by evidence all of the time. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for someone to say “I’ve observed this problem” without definitively...

    Well I don’t agree that strong accusations “should” be backed up by evidence all of the time. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for someone to say “I’ve observed this problem” without definitively proving it. Part of what makes it acceptable is that there isn’t really anything actionable for the reader. Whether or not we believe the authors premise there isn’t much we would do in response. We can just think about these assertions as we watch more movies and make our minds up for ourselves. No hard proof needed.

    1 vote