What a wonderful article. The author has talent; I feel they perfectly convey how strange depression really is to go through. It's an insidious thing that will creep up on you and sit in your...
What a wonderful article. The author has talent; I feel they perfectly convey how strange depression really is to go through. It's an insidious thing that will creep up on you and sit in your brain like a parasite. His section on how the world stops feeling real hits closest to home for me.
For me what hit home was "zombie mode" - it perfectly describes something I'd felt but never been really able to articulate. When I was depressed, it was all about me. My oldest sister had fun...
For me what hit home was "zombie mode" - it perfectly describes something I'd felt but never been really able to articulate. When I was depressed, it was all about me. My oldest sister had fun away from home, my younger sister had cancer. What did I spend my time thinking about? Myself and my pain. And I hated that I did, because I knew it was wrong.
I still have this nagging feeling that depression is a very narcissistic thing, but I don't think that's the right way to phrase it. I like zombie mode.
I don't have depression, but I do have OCD, and what you said resonates with me. It's like a parasite, whispering horrible things into your ear, making you doubt everything, warping your sense of...
I don't have depression, but I do have OCD, and what you said resonates with me. It's like a parasite, whispering horrible things into your ear, making you doubt everything, warping your sense of reality. How the human brain could create something so evil is beyond me.
Out of curiosity, without medications, is the OCD constantly there or are there periods where it’s worse than normal and periods where it feels like it’s almost non-existent?
Out of curiosity, without medications, is the OCD constantly there or are there periods where it’s worse than normal and periods where it feels like it’s almost non-existent?
Without medicine it's never non-existent, but it definitely varies in intensity. At the low end of the scale, it's still there, but just sitting in the back of my head and easy to dismiss if it...
Without medicine it's never non-existent, but it definitely varies in intensity. At the low end of the scale, it's still there, but just sitting in the back of my head and easy to dismiss if it comes up. At the far end of the scale, it's panic attack inducing. It definitely gets worse in times of stress. I'm currently transitioning to a new school, which has always been stressful for me, and it's probably the worst it's ever been.
It's very scary, because it feels like it's your own inner voice saying these things, so it's hard to separate your real thoughts from the OCD ones sometimes.
Also, I've found that OCD can figure out what thoughts really upset you, and it will keep bringing them up. The more upset it makes me, and the more I try to disprove the thoughts and get rid of them, the worse they get.
I stopped taking my SSRI a while ago, because I didn't like the side effects it was causing, but that was a huge mistake. It's gotten increasingly worse, to the point that I've started to take a new medication now. I'm hoping that will help.
I had a two year stretch of suicidal ideation and absolute misery, especially when I was trying to sleep or otherwise unstimulated. "Skull full of poison" feels like an apt way to describe that....
I had a two year stretch of suicidal ideation and absolute misery, especially when I was trying to sleep or otherwise unstimulated. "Skull full of poison" feels like an apt way to describe that.
My solution was to run with the thoughts for a few nights, see exactly where they go. Turns out it was chemically-induced suicide and... I realized how ludicrous the plan was. I had another rough week or two and it eventually fell away. In a sense I pulled the cork out that night and it drained. The only issue is the drain was an inch from the bottom, so it sloshes around just wrong occasionally, but these moments are months apart. Similar to the demon-killing analogy the author was given, I tell the angry suicidal dude in my head to shut the hell up and it works.
I got lucky and gave myself a kick, but I think in general that is what a lot of people need. The kick is a tether to reality beyond the pool of poison. Many people need somebody to provide that kick. A caveat is it also has to be the right kick.
If the kick doesn't work there are pills and other advanced treatments, of course.
Skull full of poison sounds just about right. Everyone's depression is a bit different, but there were parts of his story that sounded a lot like mine. I think those burning urgent thoughts are...
Skull full of poison sounds just about right.
Everyone's depression is a bit different, but there were parts of his story that sounded a lot like mine. I think those burning urgent thoughts are just a symptom of the pain depression can get you. When you have physical pain, your body reacts to get it away from that pain, and I think that these thoughts are your brain's attempts of getting away from the mental/emotional pain you're dealing with. It's not logical, it's biological. And the thing that sucks about it is that those thoughts can make things worse for you.
A great account of a bad period of their life. For the record, you can skip the time period criterium of a DSM classification, if the time of dysfunction is shortened by timely intervention, i.e....
A great account of a bad period of their life. For the record, you can skip the time period criterium of a DSM classification, if the time of dysfunction is shortened by timely intervention, i.e. therapy. If we’re flexing bureaucratic know how anyway.
It’s a good example of not being able to treat yourself. And it’s key in getting better. As someone who is more fond of the neofreudian style than that of neobehaviorists, it’s all about the Other and all about desire.
A small critique would be that in the end, he claims that there is no payoff. But this is a story that is told, there is in fact a start, a climax and a payoff in some sense. It is a narrative, his narrative. And the payoff seems clear to me; the anxious psychologist accepts his vulnerability and is now in a loving relationship. You could full on analyze it and find the necessary building blocks to have a story, but I find it takes away the magic.
Thanks for this addition. It is interesting to see a - I assume - current day trained research psychologist move from the CBT trend that’s all hype, back to ‘psychodynamic therapy might’ve not be...
Thanks for this addition.
It is interesting to see a - I assume - current day trained research psychologist move from the CBT trend that’s all hype, back to ‘psychodynamic therapy might’ve not be completely obsolete’ and ‘mysteries are maybe not to be scientifically explained’.
What a wonderful article. The author has talent; I feel they perfectly convey how strange depression really is to go through. It's an insidious thing that will creep up on you and sit in your brain like a parasite. His section on how the world stops feeling real hits closest to home for me.
For me what hit home was "zombie mode" - it perfectly describes something I'd felt but never been really able to articulate. When I was depressed, it was all about me. My oldest sister had fun away from home, my younger sister had cancer. What did I spend my time thinking about? Myself and my pain. And I hated that I did, because I knew it was wrong.
I still have this nagging feeling that depression is a very narcissistic thing, but I don't think that's the right way to phrase it. I like zombie mode.
I don't have depression, but I do have OCD, and what you said resonates with me. It's like a parasite, whispering horrible things into your ear, making you doubt everything, warping your sense of reality. How the human brain could create something so evil is beyond me.
Out of curiosity, without medications, is the OCD constantly there or are there periods where it’s worse than normal and periods where it feels like it’s almost non-existent?
Without medicine it's never non-existent, but it definitely varies in intensity. At the low end of the scale, it's still there, but just sitting in the back of my head and easy to dismiss if it comes up. At the far end of the scale, it's panic attack inducing. It definitely gets worse in times of stress. I'm currently transitioning to a new school, which has always been stressful for me, and it's probably the worst it's ever been.
It's very scary, because it feels like it's your own inner voice saying these things, so it's hard to separate your real thoughts from the OCD ones sometimes.
Also, I've found that OCD can figure out what thoughts really upset you, and it will keep bringing them up. The more upset it makes me, and the more I try to disprove the thoughts and get rid of them, the worse they get.
I stopped taking my SSRI a while ago, because I didn't like the side effects it was causing, but that was a huge mistake. It's gotten increasingly worse, to the point that I've started to take a new medication now. I'm hoping that will help.
I had a two year stretch of suicidal ideation and absolute misery, especially when I was trying to sleep or otherwise unstimulated. "Skull full of poison" feels like an apt way to describe that.
My solution was to run with the thoughts for a few nights, see exactly where they go. Turns out it was chemically-induced suicide and... I realized how ludicrous the plan was. I had another rough week or two and it eventually fell away. In a sense I pulled the cork out that night and it drained. The only issue is the drain was an inch from the bottom, so it sloshes around just wrong occasionally, but these moments are months apart. Similar to the demon-killing analogy the author was given, I tell the angry suicidal dude in my head to shut the hell up and it works.
I got lucky and gave myself a kick, but I think in general that is what a lot of people need. The kick is a tether to reality beyond the pool of poison. Many people need somebody to provide that kick. A caveat is it also has to be the right kick.
If the kick doesn't work there are pills and other advanced treatments, of course.
Skull full of poison sounds just about right.
Everyone's depression is a bit different, but there were parts of his story that sounded a lot like mine. I think those burning urgent thoughts are just a symptom of the pain depression can get you. When you have physical pain, your body reacts to get it away from that pain, and I think that these thoughts are your brain's attempts of getting away from the mental/emotional pain you're dealing with. It's not logical, it's biological. And the thing that sucks about it is that those thoughts can make things worse for you.
A great account of a bad period of their life. For the record, you can skip the time period criterium of a DSM classification, if the time of dysfunction is shortened by timely intervention, i.e. therapy. If we’re flexing bureaucratic know how anyway.
It’s a good example of not being able to treat yourself. And it’s key in getting better. As someone who is more fond of the neofreudian style than that of neobehaviorists, it’s all about the Other and all about desire.
A small critique would be that in the end, he claims that there is no payoff. But this is a story that is told, there is in fact a start, a climax and a payoff in some sense. It is a narrative, his narrative. And the payoff seems clear to me; the anxious psychologist accepts his vulnerability and is now in a loving relationship. You could full on analyze it and find the necessary building blocks to have a story, but I find it takes away the magic.
And in an update to that, according to a recent post, they just got married.
Thanks for this addition.
It is interesting to see a - I assume - current day trained research psychologist move from the CBT trend that’s all hype, back to ‘psychodynamic therapy might’ve not be completely obsolete’ and ‘mysteries are maybe not to be scientifically explained’.
Life experiences are worth something, probably.