I’ve spent the overwhelming majority of my life living in mental survival mode. Anxiety, depression, PTSD and c-PTSD had me trapped in a miserable state. Existing — surviving — but largely unable to access my emotions. Life was a tangled string — a series of making it through one thing (while also dealing with other things) only to then have to make it through the next thing. I became numb to it all.
To me, “survival is insufficient” says: I don’t want to simplybealive, I want tofeelalive. It is a call to action, a reminder not to fall back into old coping mechanisms for too long. I know I can survive almost anything but I want more out of life than simply surviving. I want to feel joy and excitement and playfulness and wonder. I want to feel curious about what my future may hold.
For most of my life, I have not been able to envision my own future. Every birthday I have, I am surprised I’m still alive and part of me is like: Huh. I never pictured myself being this old, what am I supposed to do here, now, at this age? Each February stirs a sense of bewilderment and while I am grateful to reach another birthday (and cancer remission anniversary), excitement about the time that lies ahead escapes me.
This last bit from the article especially resonated with me. It's my birthday today (please don't congratulate me) and it is exactly how I feel: Life is a series of things to overcome, it is...
This last bit from the article especially resonated with me. It's my birthday today (please don't congratulate me) and it is exactly how I feel: Life is a series of things to overcome, it is bewildering, and it escapes me.
(no congratulations follows) The author is indeed strong and resilient, as they said. To be able to WANT anything from life and to WANT to hope is already doing a lot more than just merely...
(no congratulations follows)
But, I am so tired of living in survival mode. I want to be present in my life. I want to feel. And to truly feel joy, hope, playfulness, excitement, and all the “good” emotions
The author is indeed strong and resilient, as they said. To be able to WANT anything from life and to WANT to hope is already doing a lot more than just merely surviving.
To me, being able to choose not to lay down and die is already more than merely surviving. It's staring the cruelties of life in the eye and standing your ground to say, no, not even now. It's making a statement.
It probably doesn't feel like anything grand like that though. Probably just another day of hard work. (?)
Anyway that was a meaningful read and I hope others find it as encouraging and hopeful as I did reading it. Thank you for the recommendation, I needed encouraging today.
I'll need to read this in earnest, but that phrase - "survival is insufficient" ... yeah, that's speaking to me. I can't function lately. The looming threat of November and our seemingly hopeless...
I'll need to read this in earnest, but that phrase - "survival is insufficient" ... yeah, that's speaking to me.
I can't function lately. The looming threat of November and our seemingly hopeless march towards the fall of American Democracy (for what it's worth) feels inescapable. I'm trying to put on a brave/good face for my kids, but I'm faltering and I don't know how to right myself. I feel like I've been "surviving" since 2016. And I'm tired.
"Survival is insufficient" as a phrase really resonated with me the first time I read it in Station Eleven (a wonderful book, by the way, I do recommend it). Lately, I've been thinking more about...
"Survival is insufficient" as a phrase really resonated with me the first time I read it in Station Eleven (a wonderful book, by the way, I do recommend it).
Lately, I've been thinking more about what simple survival entails as an adult in the modern world. Living alone, you are solely responsible for your own survival tasks; eating, working, cleaning, sleeping. Oftentimes a day can be fully eaten up by the first three, leaving only time and energy for the fourth. And it makes me realise just how unsuited we humans are to solitude and independence, when I've been on my own for a long time and feel completely unfulfilled by life. Survival is essential, but the things that make survival worth it require it to be taken care of quickly, easily, and painlessly. And I'm learning more and more that (at least for me) that's simply just not possible on my own. But moreover, that simple survival itself becomes fulfilling when there are other people to do it with.
I feel this so much lately. I have been trying to find ways to make space in my life for the "get to" vs. the "have to". Just a few days ago, I just started reading a book called We Make The Road...
I feel this so much lately. I have been trying to find ways to make space in my life for the "get to" vs. the "have to".
Just a few days ago, I just started reading a book called We Make The Road By Walking. The first part of the introduction, which touches on these ideas, is below:
aside about the book
It's a work of Christian theology, but it seems very open to wider experiences and paths in a way that the "you'll go to hell if you don't toe this exact line" books are not. So far I am enjoying it and looking forward to the rest.
WHAT WE ALL WANT is pretty simple, really. We want to be alive. To feel alive. Not just to exist but to thrive, to live out loud, walk tall, breathe free. We want to be less lonely, less exhausted, less conflicted or afraid...more awake, more grateful, more energized and purposeful. We capture this kind of mindful, overbrimming life in terms like well-being, shalom, blessedness, wholeness, harmony, life to the full, and aliveness.!
The quest for aliveness explains so much of what we do. It's why readers read and travelers travel. It's why lovers love and thinkers think, why dancers dance and moviegoers watch. In the quest for aliveness, chefs cook, foodies eat, farmers till, drummers riff, fly fishers cast, runners run, and photographers shoot.
The quest for aliveness is the best thing about religion, I think. It's what we're hoping for when we pray. It's why we gather, celebrate, eat, abstain, attend, practice, sing, and contemplate. When people say, "I'm spiritual," what they mean, I think, is simple: "I'm seeking aliveness."
I have not yet read it, but my sister recommended a book called The Power of Fun, subtitle "How to Feel Alive Again".
This is not something unique to religion. In fact, many people don't get to start their own quest until AFTER they leave a religion. Edit: My apologies -- I don't want to start an argument. My...
The quest for aliveness is the best thing about religion
This is not something unique to religion. In fact, many people don't get to start their own quest until AFTER they leave a religion.
Edit: My apologies -- I don't want to start an argument. My lifetime of negative experiences associated with religions has left me with a negative view of how most religions impact humanity. I had an emotional reaction and felt compelled to say something. I'm speaking up for the past-me that need someone to say that a happy life can exist without religion, especially when you get to live how you want to live.
Fwiw, I wasn't trying to suggest that only religion can lead to this feeling of aliveness, nor would I. I wanted to share some positive thoughts affirming that I share the desire the OP wrote...
Fwiw, I wasn't trying to suggest that only religion can lead to this feeling of aliveness, nor would I. I wanted to share some positive thoughts affirming that I share the desire the OP wrote about to do more than just survive.
My own journey has been one of deconstructing the patterns that growing up in evangelical Christianity has left me with. I have written about it several times in my post history here on Tildes. I normally wouldn't share a Christian resource, but this book seems to be very different in some positive ways.
Regardless of my intentions, I can understand your reaction. I'm sorry for your past pain, and I hope that you are able to nurture the part of you that was injured. If an internet stranger can do anything more to help, I'd be happy to talk.
Requires a login to read in full but this also works: https://archive.md/sKlTP
This last bit from the article especially resonated with me. It's my birthday today (please don't congratulate me) and it is exactly how I feel: Life is a series of things to overcome, it is bewildering, and it escapes me.
Hope others find it to be a meaningful read too.
(no congratulations follows)
The author is indeed strong and resilient, as they said. To be able to WANT anything from life and to WANT to hope is already doing a lot more than just merely surviving.
To me, being able to choose not to lay down and die is already more than merely surviving. It's staring the cruelties of life in the eye and standing your ground to say, no, not even now. It's making a statement.
It probably doesn't feel like anything grand like that though. Probably just another day of hard work. (?)
Anyway that was a meaningful read and I hope others find it as encouraging and hopeful as I did reading it. Thank you for the recommendation, I needed encouraging today.
I'll need to read this in earnest, but that phrase - "survival is insufficient" ... yeah, that's speaking to me.
I can't function lately. The looming threat of November and our seemingly hopeless march towards the fall of American Democracy (for what it's worth) feels inescapable. I'm trying to put on a brave/good face for my kids, but I'm faltering and I don't know how to right myself. I feel like I've been "surviving" since 2016. And I'm tired.
"Survival is insufficient" as a phrase really resonated with me the first time I read it in Station Eleven (a wonderful book, by the way, I do recommend it).
Lately, I've been thinking more about what simple survival entails as an adult in the modern world. Living alone, you are solely responsible for your own survival tasks; eating, working, cleaning, sleeping. Oftentimes a day can be fully eaten up by the first three, leaving only time and energy for the fourth. And it makes me realise just how unsuited we humans are to solitude and independence, when I've been on my own for a long time and feel completely unfulfilled by life. Survival is essential, but the things that make survival worth it require it to be taken care of quickly, easily, and painlessly. And I'm learning more and more that (at least for me) that's simply just not possible on my own. But moreover, that simple survival itself becomes fulfilling when there are other people to do it with.
I feel this so much lately. I have been trying to find ways to make space in my life for the "get to" vs. the "have to".
Just a few days ago, I just started reading a book called We Make The Road By Walking. The first part of the introduction, which touches on these ideas, is below:
aside about the book
It's a work of Christian theology, but it seems very open to wider experiences and paths in a way that the "you'll go to hell if you don't toe this exact line" books are not. So far I am enjoying it and looking forward to the rest.
I have not yet read it, but my sister recommended a book called The Power of Fun, subtitle "How to Feel Alive Again".
This is not something unique to religion. In fact, many people don't get to start their own quest until AFTER they leave a religion.
Edit: My apologies -- I don't want to start an argument. My lifetime of negative experiences associated with religions has left me with a negative view of how most religions impact humanity. I had an emotional reaction and felt compelled to say something. I'm speaking up for the past-me that need someone to say that a happy life can exist without religion, especially when you get to live how you want to live.
Fwiw, I wasn't trying to suggest that only religion can lead to this feeling of aliveness, nor would I. I wanted to share some positive thoughts affirming that I share the desire the OP wrote about to do more than just survive.
My own journey has been one of deconstructing the patterns that growing up in evangelical Christianity has left me with. I have written about it several times in my post history here on Tildes. I normally wouldn't share a Christian resource, but this book seems to be very different in some positive ways.
Regardless of my intentions, I can understand your reaction. I'm sorry for your past pain, and I hope that you are able to nurture the part of you that was injured. If an internet stranger can do anything more to help, I'd be happy to talk.