Apparently I'm bipolar?
I recently had my first proper bout of mania. I very nearly jumped out a window thinking that magic was real ('Wicked' in particular... Defying Gravity is quite the anthem). Thankfully the hotel I was staying at was nice and fast enough to call the police, and the police called me -- I never made it on to the ledge, so to speak, and when I got a call from them I realized something was quite wrong and just went with them to the hospital. I experienced a 6-day legal hold at a mental health ward, which I very much needed, and am grateful to have been sent to one where it felt like the majority of staff genuinely cared for their patients.
I believe I inserted myself into a conversation during that time, a meta-post about a user leaving and their posts being removed (or that post was about me in the first place, it's hard to tell/recall). In any event, I apologize to everyone I interacted with in my manic state. I also very much appreciate that some users (shoutout to @DefinitelyNotAFae) could tell that it was likely a mental health issue and were concerned. I'm doing way, way better now with a medication change. In addition, I'm doing an intensive outpatient rehabilitation starting today (joint for substances and mental health issues).
So, with that being said: I'm looking for generic advice from others who are Bipolar, and am very very much interested in the perspective of those that are both Bipolar and Autistic (and yes, I am officially medically diagnosed as Autistic as well). I'm sure there are many important lessons that can be hard to figure out alone.
edit-ps: Title is a nod to my previous 'Apparently I'm Autistic?' thread that was reasonably popular, tee-hee.
I'm bipolar.
Some time later down the road your meds will start working properly. You may experience several months of relative stability. You may start thinking you don't need those meds. Maybe you're not really bipolar. Although a diagnosis can be revised by your doctor, and you should bring this to them, also know that you'll probably be wrong. So keep taking your meds just in case.
Bipolars are depressives with initiative which puts us at greater risk of suicide than unipolar depression. In regards to suicidal thoughts, don't play with those. You have to be serious and preventive about it. Don't go testing yourself. If a place or situation makes suicidal ideation stronger, and especially when your ideation points to a method that is easily available in that location or situation, get the fuck out. Avoid those triggers in the future.
Finally, you'll probably be fine soon. Mood stabilizers are proven, reliable, and effective.
Very much appreciated. I'm really glad that my polite nature essentially saved my life. I answered the phone and was polite with the police, and it was enough to stop me from continuing the bad train of thought I was on.
Can you explain what that means?
During a crisis, classic depressives often have difficult performing the simplest actions like getting out of bed, taking a shower, etc. So they may have suicidal ideation while lacking the initiative to actually perform the steps to end their lives. Bipolars have the same impulses, while generally possessing greater energy, impulsiveness, and initiative to actually turn their thoughts into action.
IIRC, this is the same reason why antidepressants all have the red box warning "increases risk of suicide." Untreated catatonic depression means they're too depressed to do anything; being treated but not over the depression suddenly gives energy to act.
Yep, plus a bonus of "I still feel like killing myself so there's definitely no hope"
With manic phases though, a lot of the time the person isn't trying to kill themselves they're also just unaware of the danger of it all - delusions and hallucinations can contribute to that too. So it's a real mix.
Well they can also cause suicidal ideation. I can't explain why (and there's no known medical explanation), but they can cause a person to develop suicidal thoughts. I'm speaking from childhood experience with antidepressants. I never attempted suicide, but I thought way too much about suicide on certain medications.
My family and I only later figured out the suicidal thoughts were a medication side effect. They completely went away after ceasing antidepressants (my childhood psych history is a mess). This is part of why nontraditional antidepressants are sometimes prescribed.
Hey I don't have any experience with that specific combo, having good people you can trust around you about your manic phases and not falling into the trap of "I don't feel depressed so I'm better so I don't need my meds" would be the two big pieces of advice, especially if your manic swings swing hard enough to put you in dangerous situations (same for depressive swings)
Mostly big props to you for continuing to take care of yourself. Knowing that the professionals you're working with have your best interest at heart is important, and good ones should accommodate any of your autism needs as well.
I don't know if checking on you via Tildes is helpful if you're in a manic phase - not everyone can recognize that something is up even if it's pointed out. But if there's anything we can do to support you from afar, let us (or at least me) know.
I'm very glad you're safe and are continuing to get support 𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊
I had already accepted that I'll be medicated the rest of my life prior to the bipolar diagnosis, so I don't think I'm at nearly as much risk of jumping off of my meds as seems to be the standard -- I already knew (thought anyway) I had MDD & ADHD, and my life was just better on meds. But I still appreciate the input as always!
Also -- that check if I'm OK on Tildes was fortuitous, not a premeditated action obviously. It isn't my plan to go full manic again, but who knows I suppose. I think I understand why I went so hard in that direction better now and will be able to prevent it at least.
Hey I just saw someone who was clearly going through something whatever that thing was.
Hopefully it'll never be relevant again, but mostly I'm glad you're ok!
Oh I've already got an established Psychiatrist and Psychologist. The Psychiatrist I see regularly (like every 2 weeks at the moment), my therapist is about an hour away from me so will have to wait a bit. My rehab program is likely to be 30-60 days.
And thanks for the concern :D
Taylor Tomlinson is a comedian I really enjoy. In her special on Netflix called Look at You (YT trailer), she talks a lot about arriving at her bipolar diagnosis and mental health in general. It's colored by the comedic take, but I think there is some genuinely good advice mixed in there.
Oh that's awesome, I haven't watched that special but some of her earlier stuff and I already know she's great. I will 100% be watching this soon, appreciate the input :D
You're welcome! I hope the journey of navigating these diagnoses goes well for you.
Not OP but thanks for this rec, her specials were great watches and hit on a lot of the relatable beats I needed.
Glad to hear it. She's a bright spot in the world, and I support her success.
I have BPD where I experience heavy mood swings so in some ways I understand what you're going through - in other ways not at all. But the thing I do understand is how much of a rollercoaster mental illness can be. For example it's a while ago but I was in danger to myself and went to the psych ward at I think it was about 4 in the morning. I left at about 7 and then I went back to my regularly scheduled programming to an appointment I had made a few weeks prior at 9 at a beauty clinic. So in the span of 5 hours I went from being in serious danger to myself, suicidal, to being completely fine.
There was another time where I was committed and had to stay the night locked up, but this time I was also fine after less than a day. I went to Ikea in the morning lol
I hope these diagnoses have given you some answers and clarity?
In medicine (at least what I was taught in the US) when we talk about hypomania we discuss it in terms of number of manic symptoms and whether it impairs everyday functioning. Also, in my training, if someone requires hospitalization the episode is considered mania by definition. I've not heard of a time component, and have interviewed patients with multiple weeks-long episodes of hypomania. It is interesting to me that it seems that this is not necessarily the case regarding what you've been taught about your circumstance. I bring this up in case other providers were unaware of these potential differences.
To the OP, I'm glad that the people around you at the time were able to help you and that you find a provider you can trust.
There's actually a minimum length of time the hypomanic episode has to be in order to get an DSM diagnosis of bipolar 2 from it -- if it's too short it doesn't count for diagnosis purposes. I had a psychiatrist ignore this part of the DSM requirements and try to diagnose me with it in college, and my next therapist got quite annoyed by it and changed the diagnosis to cyclothymia.
Now that you mention it, I do recall a minimum. The length isn't a requirement for mania if you are hospitalized. Though hypomania does require a certain threshold to be passed. (I looked it up, most of the day for ≥4 consecutive days for those curious).
Yeah I think hospitalization is usually something that only happens in cases where it's pretty severe, so there's less need to keep track of how many days it lasts, so that makes sense. In my case, I had a ~3 day long bit of hypomanic symptoms in response to being put on Wellbutrin, and they went away as soon as I stopped the meds. All my later therapists have been appalled that the psychiatrist tried to diagnose me with bipolar 2 from that (I actually have ADHD and depression fwiw). I couldn't afford the relevant meds at the time though so luckily I didn't have to get treated for something I didn't have.
I have zero training. Thank for correcting me, I removed the stuff I was for some reason confident about 🙃
I don't mean to correct anyone about what they've learned about themselves! You certainly know what you've experienced better than anyone else. I just wanted to pitch in how medical providers in the US would use certain terms.
No I'm thankful for the correction. It was misinformation and I used the wrong terms and I can't imagine the US DSM is different from the WHO ICD.
Apparently for BPD it's called euphoria (and that does ring a bell for me but not sure why I mixed it up with hypomania.)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder#Mood_disorders
Appreciate the anecdote.
Answers and clarity are coming to me slowly, for sure.
Hi, Autistic bipolar here.
If you’re recently out of a psychosis/manic episode, your brain will be “squishy” for a while. It usually takes a few weeks/months at least in order to fully recover and return to baseline. So, tread cautiously for a while. (For me, it’s brain fog/almost like a slightly impaired brain feel. Not sure how else to describe it)
Getting officially diagnosed is a big part of figuring out “I’m not broken, I’m actually…” I find great satisfaction looking at autistic memes, and identifying with autistic and bipolar creators. It’s helped me unpack a lot of my childhood and teen years, as well as all of my relationships. It also helped be come to terms with my differences and strengths. So, watching movies or shows with autism or bipolar coded characters can be a little catharsis. (Examples: I’m a fan of Data from Star Trek, and recently watched “A Real Pain” which keyed into bipolar quite satisfyingly)
Always stick with your meds. Bipolar can go into remission with the right meds. The biggest setback for anyone with Bipolar is believing they no longer need the medication and sending themselves back into the depressive-manic loop. It’s a common trait shared by all with bipolar and medication avoidance is actually one of the symptoms.
After medication, the second most important factor is SLEEP. A good 8-9 hours of sleep can steer me clear anytime I’m falling into mania, hypomania, depression, etc. It’s like a magic “reset” button. Learn how to sleep really well.
For me, I take two magnesium capsules 2 hours before bed along with my nighttime medication. I wear an eye-mask. I have my ergonomic knee pillow. A special neck-supportive side sleeper pillow. Weighted blanket. I dim the lights and wear orange glasses before bed to get my brain prepped for sleep. I have a chillipad to crank the exact temperature needed (warm in winter, cooler in summer). Sleep becomes a little hobby.
Alcohol and drugs will absolutely trigger mania/depression. I’ve had to come to terms with this as I’m now in my 30’s and realized even two, three drinks can start to make things a bit hairy for my bipolar symptoms. Both alcohol and weed will interfere with your sleep as well, especially when taken within hours of bedtime. It is best to abstain as much as possible or limit to a very small amount occasionally, depending on your own limitations. Many with bipolar can’t tolerate it at all without compromising their symptoms, it’s best recommended to abstain completely. I’m a fan of non-alcoholic beers, the NA Guinness and NA blue moons. Lots of Non-alcoholic options out there these days that actually helps “scratch that itch” for me more than I thought they would.
Finally, for the autism. There isn’t much that helps my symptoms other than embracing them, if that makes sense? There’s truly no pill or “magic diet” that’s going to change autism. One way I’ve embraced it - I’ve learned to recognize that I do, in fact, stim. Basically I twirl my hair, it used to embarrass me, and I’ve tried substituting with fidget toys and soft textures, but I’ve realized that it may just be a part of me.
I’ve learned to be a bit more patient with myself. Now I buy the soft blankets and plushies, they bring me joy. I’ll go to bed when I feel like it even if I need to leave the party early. I bought noise-canceling Bose headphones to wear on planes and even in the car, which has helped me be less grumpy in general when traveling. I’ve also started buying more clothing with a focus on soft and comfy.
Other than these points, things that help - getting exercise every day (Even just 30 minutes of walking), drinking tons of water, eating more plants. But that’s advice for all humans.
Hope this helps. Feel free to ask specifics.
Appreciate everything. Thanks! I'll probably respond in more depth later.
Telling someone with bipolar disorder, especially where there has been actual danger to their life in a manic episode already, to pursue a particular diet instead of medication is irresponsible to the extent that I think this comment should be removed.
Good looking out. I'm a scientist by trade, so nobody is going to be pushing me onto any irresponsible paths but me (...and hopefully not me either) - but still.
I think the video title saying "cure" is irresponsible.
There's some preliminary evidence of the impact of this diet on bipolar disorder, but it definitely needs to be done with medical supervision, especially if it's long term and there's even a risk of hypomania. This is more of a "discuss with ones doctor and work with a dietician" thing and not so much a "self-help" thing, especially if one has other contraindications for a keto diet.
ETA: I didn't catch you said "without medication" before. I agree with @sparksbet