Buyer's remorse for everything

@patience_limited shared an article about maximizers vs satisficers in another topic that I thought of when I read what you wrote. I tend to be a maximizer myself and have to actively work towards being a satisficer instead, which is genuinely more fulfilling.

Another thing to consider about the games you bought: even if it costs you more, buying those specific titles might genuinely be better for you in terms of enjoyment and fulfillment. I cannot tell you how many times I've had the urge to emulate something, which leads me to downloading a fullset of roms for an entire system in one click. Easy, right? Except, I then don't enjoy what I'm playing. There are too many choices, and I find myself wanting to hop between different things and try them out.

I end up playing a few random games for ten or fifteen minutes each, then stop playing them altogether. In reality, if I added up all that time between games and put them into one single game that I was really interested in, I'd be far more fulfilled. It's the difference between scrolling an Instagram feed for an hour and a half and watching a movie for an hour and a half.

Because they were so easy to acquire, they're easy to leave or discard. If I had bought only one or two games, I would have been more likely to focus on those and put time into them. Not just on account of the fact that I have far more limited options, but because the act of buying-in itself sort of cements their value above something I would just click to download. It's a benign, potentially even beneficial application of the sunk-cost fallacy: you're more likely to try to get value out of something that you put value into.

I think buyer's remorse can be a pretty natural reaction for many people. Making a decision, almost any decision, excludes to some extent all other options. And I don't think it's unnatural to grieve lost opportunities. But, I do think it is unhealthy for some (I mean myself, particularly) to have outsize grief for some smaller decisions made. It'll probably be ok.

For me, given time to think about something, I have the ability to regret almost any decision (or, on the flip side, to justify almost anything). It's exhausting, looking up reviews of products I already have to figure out how they're going to disappoint me. I keep doing it, though.

Have you ever tried making a budget? I started using YNAB a couple years ago and it completely solved this problem for me. You obviously don’t need that particular software, but the general approach is zero-based, envelope budgeting. You take all the money you currently have, create a budget with categories for all the ways you need/want to spend your money, and then allocate to those categories until every dollar/pound/euro/etc has a job.

That does two things that changed my mindset to reduce stress.

First, I knew that I had the money for the essential things. Spending on other things (that I had planned for) weren’t going to eat in to my ability to pay rent, so that took out some of the anxiety of having a bank account with ”big pile of money that will need to do everything”. Before, it was easy to be unsure what my balance would look like after next month’s credit card payment, which made it hard to be confident in my choices. Now that’s all clear and spelled out. After the first year, all the recurring annual costs have been caught too so I know I’m planning for those too.

Second, it separated out the decision making. I knew I had come up with my spending plan thoughtfully and in an informed way, so when I see I had £50 left for restaurants, I could use that without the guilt. I had already struggled through the decision of how I wanted to spend my money, so then when it was time to spend it, I could just enjoy it.

I highly recommend trying a forward-looking budget like this (as opposed to just tracking with a vague “goal”) if you find yourself regularly stressed about every spending decision. It’s done wonders for me and my spouse.

Choosing between good but mutually exclusive alternatives is hard.

Having certainty that you made the best choice is not possible because we don't get to see alternative futures.

Accepting good enough rather than perfect usually works for me but I can't tell you how I gained the ability to do that.

I think you need to better define the goalposts for yourself.

a decent amount of restraint should be exercised when making purchases

It sounds like you might be lacking a solid definition for what counts as "a decent amount of restraint" here. If your standard is that you must find the best deal available on every purchasing decision, then you're setting a very high bar for yourself and you're inevitably going to fall short regularly. Instead of expecting perfectly frugal purchasing habits of yourself, I recommend more realistic goalposts.

For example if you reviewed your finances, allocated X% of your earnings to rent and Y% to savings, then decided Z% was now allocated for discretionary spending such as retro games cartridges, you'll have an easier time spending that guilt-free knowing in advance that the essentials are taken care of. And exercising restraint will just mean spending less than Z% this month, and won't require you to consider every conceivable alternative before buying something.

I had this same outlook for the majority of my life, and stemmed from the way I was raised to look at life. For me I looked at it from environmental perspective of “this probably doesn’t need toe exist, why should I buy it?”. Or my bag will survive if I add more tape. Hell some of the underwear I’ve owned I’ve had for 20yrs. I try to get the most use out of everything I own. But because my whole life has been this way, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve learned to reward myself? If I spend an extra $30 on a thing, I try to make sure it’s a thing that will last much longer than the thing that would have been $30 cheaper. Take shoes for example. You can keep buying cheap $50 shoes every two years, or buy something expensive that you may have forever.

You also have to factor in how you are using these things and weigh the cost vs mental benefits that can’t be quantified through dollars. It’s not all a 1:1 money transaction. Like @kfwyre was talking about. If your goal is to play games as cheap as possible, then yes, emulate. If your goal is to separate yourself from the internet and focus on one thing and tap into childhood nostoglia, then buying older games on physical consoles can be bliss.

That bag sounds amazing, and I would have gladly paid $30 more for it, were I living in a city with the maker and warranty. Also they might clean your bag too, as some brands do.

As for personal experiences with buyers remorse, a few stories stuck out:

• I purchased, what was at the time, the smallest cell phone in the world. (This was pre-smart phone era and smaller was better.) I showed it off for a bit, and got a lot of comments. But ultimately I actually didn't enjoy the UI or features of the phone. Went back to my Nokia 3310 soon after, learning the lesson that I didn't truly want the item, I only wanted the compliments from others, and how empty it felt to be congratulated on using an objectively worse product.

• I was graduating highschool, and booked a hair styling appointment that would have cost me probably $200-300 for one evening of professionally set hair, using my own part time money. My mom was incredulous and convinced badgered me out of it. I still think about that missed opportunity to this day. It would have been a waste of money, for sure, but I never would be able to purchase that experience again for the rest of my life. High school graduation party night is probably one of the last times a young adult can experience that kind of "Main Character Mindset" with a crowd best friends, and as an older person now, the money would have been well spent.

• the stories are just stories: the item being worthwhile or not actually don't matter in the grand scheme of how I will remember having spent or having saved that money. "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

An additional point I want to make, not in an effort to "enable" you, but to provide another perspective:

The world is dependent on consumerism. Especially in the case of your local retro game store, as small businesses have higher risk of failure (2-3 months of net loss could be enough to bankrupt them, but the same happening to Target or Walmart would not necessarily result in a closed store).

I would recommend supporting small/local businesses where you can, but even buying goods from a mega giant corporation doesn't require guilt. These companies are providing employment opportunities for many people, and that wouldn't be true if people didn't buy things. If you live in a region with sales tax, you are also supporting the area's residents indirectly.

As long as you aren't overspending (creating credit card debt, etc), it is completely fine to buy things that bring you joy and/or provide utility. You're contributing the economy and making yourself feel good! That is incredibly valuable to your health.

I hate buying stuff and I feel this way most of the times I have to. Not saying this to validate your behavior. Anyway, buying is horrible, avoid whenever possible.