On one hand, not everything links back to childhood trauma. It certainly colors the emotional/initial response but that doesn't mean every time I get mad we can just assume it links back to some...
On one hand, not everything links back to childhood trauma. It certainly colors the emotional/initial response but that doesn't mean every time I get mad we can just assume it links back to some sadness. I might have, ya know, reasons for those emotions. These days with there being so much pressure for some of us to act 'civilized' while narcissists complain until they get their way makes me wanna blow my top.
On the other hand, yeah, that tracks. Usually hiding the anger is hard enough but at this point the sadness is essentially baseline and the childhood memories part got beat outta me.
But, like, let's not assume the guy in the Chili's screaming at the waiter has some childhood trauma that describes that. He might just be an ass.
Yes, this is also my view. It's one thing to have experienced childhood trauma and abuse of varying levels. However, people seem to just say "he's probably just got a bad childhood" as if that's...
Yes, this is also my view. It's one thing to have experienced childhood trauma and abuse of varying levels. However, people seem to just say "he's probably just got a bad childhood" as if that's the only thing that mattered. Sometimes, parents were nice people but the child just turned out to be a complete asshole. And then, when the parents try physical discipline, we go back to the loop of childhood trauma and abuse. There is no winning. Victimhood phenomenon is real and PR uses it to defend some actual assholes.
I don't think childhood trauma is the opposite of reasons for emotions. In fact, I think it's exactly that - it's one of the reasons we feel ways about things. It's just one that is often ignored,...
I don't think childhood trauma is the opposite of reasons for emotions. In fact, I think it's exactly that - it's one of the reasons we feel ways about things. It's just one that is often ignored, suppressed, or unknown, which is why it can be so powerful to learn about it.
To use an analogy, me being hungry affects my response to situations. My fuse is much shorter, and it's harder for me to accept minor annoyances. If I get mad, and I am also hungry, does that mean I'm not mad? Not at all, but it is important to recognize why I might be mad, and be able to thoughtfully consider whether or not my anger is appropriate outside of my hunger.
Anger is not a sign of trauma. Rage, which can look like screaming at a waiter, probably is. The difference is the intensity of the emotion and inability to self regulate. To express upset with a...
Anger is not a sign of trauma. Rage, which can look like screaming at a waiter, probably is.
The difference is the intensity of the emotion and inability to self regulate. To express upset with a waiter in a measured way is adult and grounded. Screaming at a waiter is the response of an overwhelmed child - a tantrum.
If we disregard this person as “just an ass”, then this person’s angry, hurt part is dismissed which in turn creates more anger. I don’t advocate we tolerate people to act this way, but if we shame or dismiss it then we fail to recognize what is actually happening.
I don't like it, I think it's too reductive. People want easy explanations for everything, but in reality humans are complex. Something as broad as anger can have shittons of reasons and causes,...
I don't like it, I think it's too reductive.
People want easy explanations for everything, but in reality humans are complex. Something as broad as anger can have shittons of reasons and causes, stemming from both nature and nurture.
The comic has fake depth. It's showing something that is true enough that people recognize it (childhood trauma can create issues with depression and anger later in life), but in reality it's oversimplifying a complex problem and isn't really telling you anything about anger that people don't already know. It has a "I'm 14 and this is deep" vibe to it. Like someone just discovered that angry people often have problems in their past, or that sometimes people hide their anger, and made a comic to enlighten us. Like, we know. We figured it out back when we were kids.
It is reductive, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. We have an image without context, without knowing its intended use (if any) or audience, etc. For someone who has trouble describing and/or...
It is reductive, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. We have an image without context, without knowing its intended use (if any) or audience, etc. For someone who has trouble describing and/or identifying emotions, an image like this could be really helpful.
lmao accurate I'll throw in my experience: Start with a base of toxic masculinity, add some childhood bullying, abuse, and a sprinkle of generational trauma, and you're in therapy by your late...
lmao accurate
I'll throw in my experience: Start with a base of toxic masculinity, add some childhood bullying, abuse, and a sprinkle of generational trauma, and you're in therapy by your late 20s. And I'm a cis male from a middle class immigrant family; I only somewhat have it worse than the average dude.
I recently cut ties with most of a long-time friend group (of guys) because it was impossible to be any sort of vulnerable with them. They aren't bad people. But I feel more emotionally healthy after choosing to surround myself with people I could, among other things, be open about my problems with.
To me this is about the masks we portray to protect what’s underneath. At the core (no a mask) this person has had a sad childhood - either by being ignored and being lonely or from being punished...
To me this is about the masks we portray to protect what’s underneath. At the core (no a mask) this person has had a sad childhood - either by being ignored and being lonely or from being punished repeatedly (probably the former). The first face is sadness, this is what the person truly feels. To hide that true sadness they wear an emotional mask of anger - deflecting anyone from seeing what’s underneath. Above that mask is how they portray themselves to the world (not an emotion) a fairly cool self assured person, but if they’re confronted they will quickly resort to anger.
To me it’s not a particular subtle image (or maybe im being a bit literal). Behind each cool
Guy there’s anger and behind that sadness and behind that a sad childhood.
A very accurate image. This is basically what men learn about themselves when they go through the 12 steps in recovery from addiction. I believe this (the image) applies to all men at some point,...
A very accurate image. This is basically what men learn about themselves when they go through the 12 steps in recovery from addiction. I believe this (the image) applies to all men at some point, because all men are at some point addicted to pornography.
This is a very general thing to say without much of a basis in reality. Defining pornography addiction varies from person to person, and before you can make claims like this you need to clarify...
This is a very general thing to say without much of a basis in reality.
Defining pornography addiction varies from person to person, and before you can make claims like this you need to clarify what you mean. A lot of men don't really struggle with giving up porn even if they consume a lot of it. Sometimes it's just a matter of having high libido during puberty, which is kind of like saying that teens drinking alcohol means they're addicted.
The problem with male vulnerability and how masculinity is presented in the world is so much deeper than porn.
I think I have a different take on this from the other responses. I don't see that last panel as trauma or even necessarily a sad childhood, but instead, repression. Disclaimer that I'm a woman so...
I think I have a different take on this from the other responses. I don't see that last panel as trauma or even necessarily a sad childhood, but instead, repression.
Disclaimer that I'm a woman so I have no direct experience, but the general understanding I have of toxic masculinity is that one of the biggest facets is to suppress "weak" emotions. Particularly, sadness. "Real men don't cry", "You're a big boy now so you have to be tough", etc. Those statements start early, and invalidate boys' feelings when they're upset, to the point they start to suppress them.
It's not even necessarily people directly pressuring them, but those sentiments are just so strongly woven into society with casual statements. I can easily picture a mother gently telling her son, "You're a big boy now, you don't need to cry over such a little thing." It seems easy to me to start internalizing that sentiment without having it aggressively shoved down their throats just from how casually those sorts of phrases are thrown around.
Which is where the rest of the comic comes into play. If sadness is "weak", then the natural urge is to be "tough". And what emotion is more "tough" than rage? Men bury their upset under a mask of anger, repressing any sadness which causes that to gradually build up. And underneath that is the child who was told not to cry.
On one hand, not everything links back to childhood trauma. It certainly colors the emotional/initial response but that doesn't mean every time I get mad we can just assume it links back to some sadness. I might have, ya know, reasons for those emotions. These days with there being so much pressure for some of us to act 'civilized' while narcissists complain until they get their way makes me wanna blow my top.
On the other hand, yeah, that tracks. Usually hiding the anger is hard enough but at this point the sadness is essentially baseline and the childhood memories part got beat outta me.
But, like, let's not assume the guy in the Chili's screaming at the waiter has some childhood trauma that describes that. He might just be an ass.
Yes, this is also my view. It's one thing to have experienced childhood trauma and abuse of varying levels. However, people seem to just say "he's probably just got a bad childhood" as if that's the only thing that mattered. Sometimes, parents were nice people but the child just turned out to be a complete asshole. And then, when the parents try physical discipline, we go back to the loop of childhood trauma and abuse. There is no winning. Victimhood phenomenon is real and PR uses it to defend some actual assholes.
I don't think childhood trauma is the opposite of reasons for emotions. In fact, I think it's exactly that - it's one of the reasons we feel ways about things. It's just one that is often ignored, suppressed, or unknown, which is why it can be so powerful to learn about it.
To use an analogy, me being hungry affects my response to situations. My fuse is much shorter, and it's harder for me to accept minor annoyances. If I get mad, and I am also hungry, does that mean I'm not mad? Not at all, but it is important to recognize why I might be mad, and be able to thoughtfully consider whether or not my anger is appropriate outside of my hunger.
Anger is not a sign of trauma. Rage, which can look like screaming at a waiter, probably is.
The difference is the intensity of the emotion and inability to self regulate. To express upset with a waiter in a measured way is adult and grounded. Screaming at a waiter is the response of an overwhelmed child - a tantrum.
If we disregard this person as “just an ass”, then this person’s angry, hurt part is dismissed which in turn creates more anger. I don’t advocate we tolerate people to act this way, but if we shame or dismiss it then we fail to recognize what is actually happening.
I don't like it, I think it's too reductive.
People want easy explanations for everything, but in reality humans are complex. Something as broad as anger can have shittons of reasons and causes, stemming from both nature and nurture.
The comic has fake depth. It's showing something that is true enough that people recognize it (childhood trauma can create issues with depression and anger later in life), but in reality it's oversimplifying a complex problem and isn't really telling you anything about anger that people don't already know. It has a "I'm 14 and this is deep" vibe to it. Like someone just discovered that angry people often have problems in their past, or that sometimes people hide their anger, and made a comic to enlighten us. Like, we know. We figured it out back when we were kids.
It is reductive, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. We have an image without context, without knowing its intended use (if any) or audience, etc. For someone who has trouble describing and/or identifying emotions, an image like this could be really helpful.
lmao accurate
I'll throw in my experience: Start with a base of toxic masculinity, add some childhood bullying, abuse, and a sprinkle of generational trauma, and you're in therapy by your late 20s. And I'm a cis male from a middle class immigrant family; I only somewhat have it worse than the average dude.
I recently cut ties with most of a long-time friend group (of guys) because it was impossible to be any sort of vulnerable with them. They aren't bad people. But I feel more emotionally healthy after choosing to surround myself with people I could, among other things, be open about my problems with.
This is what we go through, I suppose.
To me this is about the masks we portray to protect what’s underneath. At the core (no a mask) this person has had a sad childhood - either by being ignored and being lonely or from being punished repeatedly (probably the former). The first face is sadness, this is what the person truly feels. To hide that true sadness they wear an emotional mask of anger - deflecting anyone from seeing what’s underneath. Above that mask is how they portray themselves to the world (not an emotion) a fairly cool self assured person, but if they’re confronted they will quickly resort to anger.
To me it’s not a particular subtle image (or maybe im being a bit literal). Behind each cool
Guy there’s anger and behind that sadness and behind that a sad childhood.
A very accurate image. This is basically what men learn about themselves when they go through the 12 steps in recovery from addiction. I believe this (the image) applies to all men at some point, because all men are at some point addicted to pornography.
This is a very general thing to say without much of a basis in reality.
Defining pornography addiction varies from person to person, and before you can make claims like this you need to clarify what you mean. A lot of men don't really struggle with giving up porn even if they consume a lot of it. Sometimes it's just a matter of having high libido during puberty, which is kind of like saying that teens drinking alcohol means they're addicted.
The problem with male vulnerability and how masculinity is presented in the world is so much deeper than porn.
I think I have a different take on this from the other responses. I don't see that last panel as trauma or even necessarily a sad childhood, but instead, repression.
Disclaimer that I'm a woman so I have no direct experience, but the general understanding I have of toxic masculinity is that one of the biggest facets is to suppress "weak" emotions. Particularly, sadness. "Real men don't cry", "You're a big boy now so you have to be tough", etc. Those statements start early, and invalidate boys' feelings when they're upset, to the point they start to suppress them.
It's not even necessarily people directly pressuring them, but those sentiments are just so strongly woven into society with casual statements. I can easily picture a mother gently telling her son, "You're a big boy now, you don't need to cry over such a little thing." It seems easy to me to start internalizing that sentiment without having it aggressively shoved down their throats just from how casually those sorts of phrases are thrown around.
Which is where the rest of the comic comes into play. If sadness is "weak", then the natural urge is to be "tough". And what emotion is more "tough" than rage? Men bury their upset under a mask of anger, repressing any sadness which causes that to gradually build up. And underneath that is the child who was told not to cry.
Just my take on it.
“Onions have layers. Ogres have layers.“—Shrek
So onions are ogres…