chroma's recent activity

  1. Comment on Single most useful program you daily use? in ~tech

    chroma
    Link Parent
    I spent some time fiddling with it today because of this, haha. The motions are familiar, but weird... in a good way, because the whole "motion first" thing is logically more intuitive to me, but...

    I spent some time fiddling with it today because of this, haha. The motions are familiar, but weird... in a good way, because the whole "motion first" thing is logically more intuitive to me, but 6 years of vim muscle memory makes me have to think a lot. Actually, the mnemonics and modes are all more intuitive than vim IMO. One problem I have is that so many default bindings want Alt, which is "special" in macOS for sending composed characters and emojis and stuff. I actually use that feature a lot, so I'll have to rebind a lot of the defaults I guess.

    Anyway, the native IDE-ish features it has so far (mostly pretty good LSP support and config) are basically enough for me to want to switch. Neovim's LSP support is good, but a bit much config-wise. I can pretty much do what I normally do for all my projects without any plugins, which is nice. helix --health for default LSP health check is really helpful too.

    I'll probably drive this on my personal machine for a bit before I decide to fully switch. Thanks for the shout!

    4 votes
  2. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    chroma
    Link
    Oooh for some reason I had no idea Tildes had a weekly fitness thread. Hi everyone! That being said, I haven't made any exciting changes to my training lol. General strength training/bodybuilding...

    Oooh for some reason I had no idea Tildes had a weekly fitness thread. Hi everyone!

    That being said, I haven't made any exciting changes to my training lol. General strength training/bodybuilding 3-4x a week, indoor bouldering 1-2x a week (more like once now since I recently moved further away from my gym). I've been teetering on the idea of running again for a bit, but the first two things are plenty enough for me to balance with everything else in my life.

    Recent PRs of 365x8 RDL, 210x8 pendulum squat (I don't know how pendulum squats vary from gym to gym, but mine is one of those ones where you have to load a ridiculously light amount of weight; 210 is 1 plate so wooo milestone), 195x8 lying machine press.

    As I type this, I remembered the one exciting thing I've got going for me. I've been dealing with a shoulder impingement forever now and haven't been able to overhead press or do certain movements with my shoulder for months, but I've found a rehab routine that works well enough for me that I can specifically do neutral grip machine overhead presses without pain, which is awesome. I've been out of that game for a while so I have no benchmark for how my current intensity compares to what it was before, but I'm just happy to be doing some kind of vertical pressing again.

    I will leave you all with a simple recipe that I've been making most days this week: Meathead imitation crab salad (like what you get at a poke shop or in a California roll). Food processor or hand blender recommended.

    • 150g imitation crab
    • 80g 2% cottage cheese
    • 5g kewpie mayonnaise
    • Sugar, MSG, chopped green onions to your liking
    1. Mince or blitz the crab until it's at your desired consistency; I usually make it look like what's in a California roll
    2. Mix cottage cheese, mayo, sugar, MSG. (If you have a food processor you can puree all of this together for a creamy consistency, but it still works fine without)
    3. Mix all that together, fold in green onions

    That's it! Imitation crab is pretty high in sodium so beware if you're sensitive to that, but otherwise, this makes a pretty good way to satisfy a sushi craving (which is like every day for me). Macros roughly 256kcal/6F/29C/19P

    4 votes
  3. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    chroma
    Link Parent
    Yeah totally understandable, that's how most of my attempts to learn chess have gone. Puzzles are definitely one thing, but the idea of not focusing too hard on "winning" moves for now, in games...

    Yeah totally understandable, that's how most of my attempts to learn chess have gone. Puzzles are definitely one thing, but the idea of not focusing too hard on "winning" moves for now, in games and instead just trying to play a solid foundational style is what helped for me to break past that mindset. It's indeed pretty depressing when the engine calls half of your moves inaccuracies, lol.

    Ultimately, what I realize is yes, they're misses/inaccuracies, but they still developed the piece/controlled the center/whatever at the cost of missing material or letting the opponent play a tactic; and they weren't blunders. The engine is rated at like 3600, which we are not; it's basically perfect. But "don't let perfect be the enemy of good" is how I'd summarize the mindset that helped me.

    1 vote
  4. Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games

    chroma
    Link
    I've been playing... chess. Maybe not the answer you were expecting in this thread, haha. This all started after I had watched LoL Worlds after not having played for a while, maybe since 2015. I...

    I've been playing... chess.

    Maybe not the answer you were expecting in this thread, haha. This all started after I had watched LoL Worlds after not having played for a while, maybe since 2015. I started watching some "macro basics" videos to catch up on the game, which led me down a long path of being interested in RTS/MOBA macro as a whole.

    At the same time, I watch a lot of Wirtual, a Trackmania streamer, while I'm working. He is dating and frequently collabs with Anna Cramling, a chess WFM and also streamer. Me being recently into studying video game strategy but also having no time/interest in really playing a competitive video game, I figured I'd get back into chess.

    I've known how to play since I was a kid, but have never been good. I've tried on and off to get into it, especially over the pandemic, but a combination of ladder anxiety + overthinking each and every tactic made it more stressful than fun back then, and I never made decent progress. But, this time around, I discovered this video series, which is Yet Another Chess Guide for Beginners™️; only the idea isn't to memorize like 4 openings, or to play 1.e4 just because, or whatever other rote beginner advice is floating out there (none of that really helped me understand what to do); the idea is to build good habits, play very simply, and stop overthinking. Which turned out to be exactly what I needed.

    Now all of a sudden chess is really fun. I'm just playing a really simple game and doing puzzles most days, purposely not thinking too hard. Over the past few weeks I've noticed I actually am building an intuition for tactics and can actually formulate a plan in the middle game, whereas before the idea of finding the perfect move every time stressed me out. I've recently realized I'm a positional player who prefers a slow opening and breaking open the middle game with tempo.

    My Chess.com rating is still only like 500, though I've climbed from 300 in like 2 weeks. I'm still blundering pieces randomly, but I'm having a hell of a lot more fun.

    12 votes
  5. Comment on Advice Needed: Simple and Reliable notifications in ~comp

    chroma
    Link
    A straightforward AWS-centric option is SNS; you can just send yourself SMS. Assuming you have control over how your backup service sends out its notifications, you can route payloads to SNS...

    A straightforward AWS-centric option is SNS; you can just send yourself SMS. Assuming you have control over how your backup service sends out its notifications, you can route payloads to SNS however you'd like.

    If that's not an option: Going off no self-host, AWS, and HTTP-based: A really low-brow way could be using Lambda + messaging service of your choice, with your phone configured to receive notifications on that service? I've done exactly that with Discord before when doing a one-off hacky project to annoy my friends.

    8 votes
  6. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~food

    chroma
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    If you get the chance, I'd also recommend trying the related stuffed pizza. I personally prefer it to deep dish - there's an extra layer dough separating the cheese from the sauce, so it's less...

    If you get the chance, I'd also recommend trying the related stuffed pizza. I personally prefer it to deep dish - there's an extra layer dough separating the cheese from the sauce, so it's less swimming pool of ingredients and more "really big buttery calzone thing with some sauce on top". More cheese, filling, a bit less sauce than normal deep dish. This is my favorite stuffed pizza place.

    (I apologize to any pizza enthusiasts whom I've offended with my description. I live in California.)

    8 votes
  7. Comment on Developers Aren't Nerds in ~comp

    chroma
    Link
    Well yeah, not every programmer is a hobbyist, that much I agree with. I don't think that's a bad thing. I guess I can understand how it can be annoying that some aren't as invested as you when it...

    Well yeah, not every programmer is a hobbyist, that much I agree with. I don't think that's a bad thing. I guess I can understand how it can be annoying that some aren't as invested as you when it comes to your professional work, but this is kind of a weird way to complain about it.

    Is it actually affecting the author's work to a measurable degree? Then it sounds like a team dynamic issue, and you should probably say something like "hey I need the team to stop throwing bugs over the fence at me without actually investigating first". Does the author have a say in hiring decisions? Can you not filter out these candidates during the hiring process? Is the author a manager? Tell them you need them to step up.

    Other than that, 9-to-5 programmers are in the workforce because they can be productive, mostly in companies who also think they can be productive. I don't see why they'd need to change if their team doesn't need them to.

    Outside of a professional context, I don't think this is a good take. Programmers shouldn't be required to set up dotfiles or have a Neovim config or whatever (and I do both of those things). Would they be better programmers if they did more deep dives into more topics? I dunno, maybe, depends what they want. But if they don't want that, then what's it to you?

    7 votes
  8. Comment on Does anyone have experience or advice on cutting sugar consumption? in ~health

    chroma
    (edited )
    Link
    I'm sorry, but I don't agree with a lot of the comments in this thread. "Just restrict your access to sugar" isn't a solution for the OP in this case - they seem to already be imposing a...

    I'm sorry, but I don't agree with a lot of the comments in this thread. "Just restrict your access to sugar" isn't a solution for the OP in this case - they seem to already be imposing a restriction on themselves, and the problem seems to be that they can't abide by it because it is too harsh. When they break that restriction, they keep going for the sugar. This is the binge eating cycle.

    I am also someone who's struggled with binge eating in the past, and I can tell you that not allowing yourself to be within a mile radius of a tub of ice cream works for like, 3 days. Do you know what I want even more after those 3 days? Fucking ice cream. And then the binge eating starts all over again.

    Adding more restrictions isn't a solution, because it's the same thing as what the OP is already doing. All you're recommending them to do is to stigmatize sugary foods even more, which may likely make binge eating both more likely and more stressful. This advice is literally "just don't eat sugar 4Head". Are you stranded in the desert and dying of thirst? Just go find some water 🤡

    At the same time, there is a lot of advice in this thread which recommends addressing behavior change and practicing mindful eating. I agree with most of this; it's most effective to get to the root of the problem. "Why do I want sugar at 2:30?" and "Am I actually hungry now?" are perfectly fine questions to be asking.

    In addition to the general advice of being mindful, this is what's worked for me: I'm a proponent of "add, don't restrict". Meaning, if you want sugar at 2:30, then eat sugar at 2:30. It isn't forbidden. You shouldn't be banned from eating sugar, or anything for that matter. But in the interest of aligning with your goal of eating and living healthier, you can:

    • Have some sugar (not the whole tub of ice cream, but just enough for you at the moment), but alongside some "healthier" foods that you think work well with it. For example, I sometimes break up some Oreos and mix them in with fruit and Greek yogurt. You still get to have what you want, but you're also creating a middle ground where you're also having foods that push you towards your goals.
    • Ask yourself why you want to eat sugar at this moment. Is it really the ice cream you want? Or are you stressed out about something else? Is it simply a well-formed habit? Once you've taken some time to reflect and you still want your sugar, then go ahead! You may find that your sugar cravings are coming from some other source or stimulus entirely.

    The idea behind this is to stop treating certain foods as forbidden, therefore reducing the likelihood of binge eating. In the end, the goal is to create a healthy mindset and continue to cultivate your relationship with food, as you've been doing.

    6 votes
  9. Comment on The "Great Games"- AAA titles, easy brand recognition- are what everyone pushes. But sometimes you need a "just average" game. in ~games

    chroma
    Link Parent
    Sure, I'd summarize it as I like the feeling of overcoming a challenge. This isn't mutually exclusive with 100% completion, but those two things don't completely overlap by any means. I briefly...

    Sure, I'd summarize it as I like the feeling of overcoming a challenge. This isn't mutually exclusive with 100% completion, but those two things don't completely overlap by any means.

    I briefly mentioned competitive multiplayer games - by my own description, these are the types of games that would appeal to me the most, because getting better to overcome a challenge is the entire point. There's no "100% completion" concept involved at all. Speedrunning is another example, and I do this sometimes.

    An example where completion is involved might be "All bosses, highest difficulty". The point is more that beating a boss or two is hard, and so beating all of them is harder.

    In contrast, I don't usually care about getting 100% of achievements or anything like that. You don't usually have to learn/challenge yourself to 100% a lot of games, you just have to be thorough. If there's a difficult challenge involved in getting that 100%, I'm usually just fine doing that part.

    3 votes
  10. Comment on The "Great Games"- AAA titles, easy brand recognition- are what everyone pushes. But sometimes you need a "just average" game. in ~games

    chroma
    (edited )
    Link
    I feel this, but for slightly different reasons than you. I'm within that group of people with not a lot of time to play a lot of games, but I'm also kind of just picky - I: generally dislike the...

    I feel this, but for slightly different reasons than you. I'm within that group of people with not a lot of time to play a lot of games, but I'm also kind of just picky - I:

    • generally dislike the "AAA formula".
    • generally require a game to be challenging for it to be fun - I play everything on the highest difficulty, as I find anything lower to be less rewarding. I tend not to be the "collector" or "100% everything" archetype.

    As a result, I just don't play that many titles. Of the ones I'm interested in and end up playing, either I've completed them and none are AAA, or they're AAA and I haven't completed them. Some of my friends give me shit for this, lol.

    I've just accepted that I play fewer games now, but it's kind of annoying sometimes that nothing catches my interest, because I'm still interested in games, I just don't want to play a lot of them. I also stopped competitive multiplayer games for my mental health, even though I'm, per my own description, the kind of person who gravitates towards them.

    That being said, I find myself mostly playing roguelikes and some JRPGs. Mostly because those are the two genres that satisfy my criteria for "fun" while still being things I can play only every now and then. Hades, Slay the Spire, One Step from Eden, etc. Right now I'm playing Persona 3: Reload, which isn't exactly the most difficult game, but is fun as a story game with what's basically a roguelike+JRPG gameplay loop in some parts.

    Anyway, that was more of a rant than anything. But I feel heard. 😆

    4 votes
  11. Comment on On creation for creation's sake in ~talk

    chroma
    Link Parent
    What's funny is that this is how I think about things at work 😆. Your last paragraph resonates with me; the reason I can be "pragmatic" about it at work is because my job is to deliver value. But...

    What's funny is that this is how I think about things at work 😆. Your last paragraph resonates with me; the reason I can be "pragmatic" about it at work is because my job is to deliver value. But also, I think the reason I tend to over-plan for personal stuff is because high level system design (or its equivalent in game development land/whatever else I'm doing) is what I like doing most. Like, implementing sound features with sound paradigms is fun to me. Messy code makes me slightly uncomfortable when I'm in a position to do something about it, which is seldom at work for practical reasons, but 100% of the time when it's my own thing.

    But yeah. Maybe this all means being a perfectionist is fun to me. 🤷

    3 votes
  12. Comment on On creation for creation's sake in ~talk

    chroma
    Link Parent
    Hah yeah, I totally agree with you and @feanne. I've actually done game development before, but that was 7 or 8 years ago. I understand what you mean when you say it gives you the ability to...

    Hah yeah, I totally agree with you and @feanne. I've actually done game development before, but that was 7 or 8 years ago. I understand what you mean when you say it gives you the ability to explore whatever you want; in fact that's what drew me into it a long time ago, and that's why I'm thinking of doing it again.

    Maybe a game jam would be nice. Haven't done one, but I've done hackathons for unrelated subjects, and it's been a positive experience.

    I dunno, for me I think there's a divide between "small games can be fulfilling" and "I have an idea that means something to me, I want to make it happen" that I haven't learned how to cross. Maybe thinking of the smaller stuff as intermediate steps towards the larger project would help, but I can't help but become disinterested in the smaller stuff quickly... hence my post, haha.

    Anyway, I appreciate the encouragement. How'd you stumble upon game development? You seem to be very passionate about it.

    3 votes
  13. Comment on On creation for creation's sake in ~talk

    chroma
    Link Parent
    Oh, that sounds cool! I've only run into the topic of ROM hacking a few times, but it seems like a wacky mix of reverse engineering, low level programming, and game development. The idea of a base...

    Oh, that sounds cool! I've only run into the topic of ROM hacking a few times, but it seems like a wacky mix of reverse engineering, low level programming, and game development. The idea of a base game already being there certainly makes the process seem less daunting.

    How'd you get into this? And what idea did you have for a game originally that translated into a ROM hack? Sounds fun.

    4 votes
  14. On creation for creation's sake

    I want to make a game. ... is what I've been telling myself for the past few weeks. Honestly, I might have subconsciously had this thought for the past few months, if not years. Strange as it...

    I want to make a game.

    ... is what I've been telling myself for the past few weeks. Honestly, I might have subconsciously had this thought for the past few months, if not years.

    Strange as it sounds, I've gone on a weird mental journey in getting to the point where I'm able to acknowledge this desire. I've always had a vague, constant urge to be creative, but for the past few years, this urge has been tied to an outcome: "I want to write a JS library because it'll make for a cool product later"; something like that. Inevitably, having that outcome in mind makes me set a standard of perfection for what the thing is supposed to be, which makes me start planning every piece of the thing, which... tires me out, and then I just don't do it.

    I'd say I've been better about this recently, in that I'll sometimes do one-off things because it seems like fun at the time. Small coding projects that serve no purpose at all. I randomly got into drawing for a week, so the day's drawing for that week. Rediscovering this process has been fun, and it's definitely been fulfilling to just marvel at my work without having to check off boxes for what the thing is supposed to do.

    But now, I've got the idea that I want to make a game. A game isn't a small project, or at least not as small as what I've been working on recently. I'm pretty sure my motivation for wanting to do this is entirely intrinsic: I just want to do it, I don't want to sell it, I don't care if nobody plays it. And yet, I'm still finding it pretty hard to do anything.

    Firstly, I don't have much time during the week to work on this game; I also work full-time. Second, when I do have time, I find it pretty hard to make any progress. A game isn't small, so I feel the need to plan stuff out, even just roughly. Which is what I do at work. So then it just feels like work. I tire of planning pretty quickly, and I think I've come to conflate this tired feeling with burnout at work, so I just stop and scroll on the internet.

    Sometimes I'm able to focus and just write something without planning. It's nice when I'm able to do this, but inevitably I start thinking about the bigger picture... "Okay, the protagonist feels X because the theme I'm going for is Y, which..." and then the planning starts again.

    Anyway, this is all a very long way to say that I struggle with creating for creation's sake, partly because budgeting my time as a full-time laborer is hard, and partly because I have trouble seeing the trees for the forest, so to speak. Have you all ever had to deal with this? I'm curious to know what's helped you, or just your thoughts on the topic/my situation.

    Cheers!

    24 votes
  15. Comment on Happy Leap Day in ~tech

    chroma
    Link Parent
    Probably something to do with date arithmetic? For example, daylight saving time in Cuba begins at midnight on March 11th of this year, so: import DateTime from "my-date-library"; let date =...

    Probably something to do with date arithmetic? For example, daylight saving time in Cuba begins at midnight on March 11th of this year, so:

    import DateTime from "my-date-library";
    
    let date = DateTime.date("2024-03-12", {
      timestamp: "00:00", 
      locale: "cuba/CU"
    })/; // midnight the day after DST
    
    date.subtract({ hours: 24 });
    
    print(date.format("yyyy-MM-dd")); // "2024-3-10"
    print(date.format("yyyy-MM-dd, hh:mm")); // "2024-3-10, 23:00"
    

    We've just subtracted 24 hours, or 1 day. But we went back 2 days, because there were only 23 hours on March 11, not 24. Thus, "32 days" in March.

    I haven't really thought about the semantics of writing a date library too much until now, but my guess is the right approach is to always calculate dates in absolute units from the beginning of time*", separately keep tabs on when DST is supposed to start in a given locale, and calculate the appropriate date representation based on whether or not it's DST.

    5 votes
  16. Comment on How to center a div in ~comp

    chroma
    Link
    When I was first learning CSS, I remember purchasing a "Flexbox Zombies" educational game which, well, taught you CSS flexbox. I think it was by David Geddes. I found it so effective that I...

    When I was first learning CSS, I remember purchasing a "Flexbox Zombies" educational game which, well, taught you CSS flexbox. I think it was by David Geddes. I found it so effective that I haven't forgotten, 7 years later, and with my career now quite removed from frontend development, haha.

    Nowadays flexbox is the only "complicated" thing I really memorize from CSS. I flail when it comes to a lot of other things. I never grokked grid.

    1 vote
  17. Comment on The lame racehorse in ~talk

    chroma
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Hey, for context, I've read through your comments (and others') in this topic, but what I'd like to share I feel is particularly relevant to this question here: I'd like to start by saying I've...
    • Exemplary

    Hey, for context, I've read through your comments (and others') in this topic, but what I'd like to share I feel is particularly relevant to this question here:

    how do I give myself months or years?

    I'd like to start by saying I've been in your position before; not verbatim, but quite similar. I set out to be a software engineer at 23 after being depressed about my (non-SE) major in college. I took a job I hated in an unrelated field, worked very long hours in that job, and taught myself how to code with whatever time I had left. This was very difficult for me, but at the same time it wasn't. Software was my passion, and at the time, this aspiration to become a software engineer gave is what brought me meaning.

    Long story short, I was successful. Through a lot of effort and some luck, I landed a job at a startup who wanted to take a chance on me. Once I got my job, I did not pump the brakes. I threw myself into my new career even harder; if the aspiration to become a software engineer brought meaning, then actually being one gave me, like, meaning x10. 10x engineer, all that stuff.

    I do not at all mean to come off as arrogant with any of what follows; I excelled at my job. The first few features I shipped were rough, but after that, I knew I was hot shit. People told me I was hot shit. I was making way more money than at that other job I hated. Everything around me was positive reinforcement, so I continued to just throw myself at this job.

    Of course, I started to burn out eventually. I don't need to go into much detail about how that went, because you described it yourself in the original post, way better than I could have. But when everything started to unravel for me, I felt tired, helpless, overwhelmed, all of that, but above all, I felt resentful. It sounds like you also feel that way.

    Everything I was working for gradually started to feel like it was for nothing. Who cares about this stupid feature? The product? What am I actually contributing to? Why can't we do things the right way? Why can't I find an industry I actually care about? Why am I spinning my wheels and wasting my life on something I don't even find fulfilling?

    During this time, I was also searching for a solution or an escape from my burnout. I tried throwing myself into some hobbies, including some old ones I'd abandoned when I was grinding for this job. I tried rekindling friendships with people I'd alienated. I tried putting more effort into my relationship. This all felt like a step in the right direction. But I was not making much progress. What was the point?

    I will fast forward. To summarize: I'm still at this same job, and I'm doing better. I was successful in rekindling my hobbies and friendships, but that one relationship didn't work out. You may be thinking, "well that's great Chroma, you managed to find balance in your life. I wish I could do that. I don't have the months or years to take a sabbatical to find enlightenment like you did, though."

    Sure, maybe I found balance; I didn't feel better after I found balance though. In order to find balance, I deprioritized my job and started focusing on other things. I learned how to rest and enriched other parts of my life. I fucked off on multi-week vacations multiple times per year. None of that solved my problem. While sometimes I felt recharged after X hobby or hanging out with Y friend or booking a trip to Z, at the end of the day, I felt like I was bandaiding things.

    I only started to feel better and fulfilled once I changed what it meant for me to be fulfilled.

    For a very long time, I was fulfilled because I sacrificed time, energy, and my sense of self in order to become a software engineer. Being good at my job was fulfilling because it was my identity. Once the pace of all of that slowed down and I was reminded that life has to suck sometimes, it stopped being fulfilling. I couldn't meet 100% of my expectations. (Also, I didn't know the reason for any of this at the time; I just knew I was sad.)

    In order to define for myself what fulfillment was, I had to look inward, like you are doing now. I also realized that this feeling of burnout came and went; there were some good parts to my job, despite me being run into the ground from Monday to Friday. Why could I tolerate it sometimes?

    This post is getting really long, so I'll summarize my point: Yes, I absolutely think learning to take downtime is crucial, but it isn't a complete solution. I had to zoom out and identify my self worth (with the help of many friends, family, and a therapist), then zoom back in and contemplate which parts of my job I found fulfilling, and what I could do to work with that. I conflated "working hard" and "doing meaningful work" with "being fulfilled" for a very long time. But for me, "being fulfilled" consists of many other things: Spending time with my family, dedicating time to my health, making dick jokes with friends, as well as designing resilient software, building a reliable and empathetic engineering culture, and working towards a robust internal developer platform.

    So back to the reason I picked this specific quote to respond to: It did take me years to realize all of this. But I didn't spend that time meditating under a waterfall. In fact I spent a lot of it quite depressed (all of this happened at the beginning of the pandemic, lol). I only started to find answers after I separated my work ethic from my self worth.

    I hope this helps, and if not, I hope it at least makes sense. Your story will be different from mine. Good luck.

    7 votes
  18. Comment on Why do we hesitate to say “I love you” to our friends? in ~life

    chroma
    Link
    From a straight cis male's perspective: I wonder how much of this relates to alexithymia in western society. Particularly among my male friend groups, I've observed that we have trouble...

    From a straight cis male's perspective: I wonder how much of this relates to alexithymia in western society. Particularly among my male friend groups, I've observed that we have trouble identifying, and definitely expressing, a wide range or intensity of emotions. This includes love: We definitely would not say "I love you" to each other. Of course, there are many reasons we'd be hesitant to do that; upbringing, individual preference, etc. But I wouldn't be surprised if, culturally, the combination of "friendship love" not commonly being explicitly expressed and alexithymia among men contributes significantly to this.

    More generally, I've also observed that we have many ways to circumvent saying "I love you" to people other than our family/partners. @AgnesNutter gives plenty of examples. It seems like we're definitely communicating the emotion to our friends when we do those things, but we'd prefer to not be explicit about it, and leave the magnitude of what we're saying up to context/interpretation. I think it's a reflection of our (western, American, whatever; this is my experience, YMMV, etc.) culture.

    I do think there's a difference between having the unspoken understanding of "My friend told me they appreciate me, that means they love me, they're just not saying it" and just outright saying "I love you". I think the article captures it well. To me, having to do the former is stifling.

    10 votes
  19. Comment on What silly thing do you argue about with your significant other? in ~talk

    chroma
    Link Parent
    Haha yeah I've seen those. There was also a social media trend a while back where, after having instant ramen, you add egg to the broth and microwave it to make a "steamed egg". I personally don't...

    Haha yeah I've seen those. There was also a social media trend a while back where, after having instant ramen, you add egg to the broth and microwave it to make a "steamed egg". I personally don't care for it, but it's not offensive at all.

    But yeah. My SO's microwaved eggs are just microwaved in a bowl. Usually with salt and pepper. They're like erasers.

    5 votes
  20. Comment on What silly thing do you argue about with your significant other? in ~talk

    chroma
    Link Parent
    What ever happened to them that made them different? I was a fan as well. I saw the creator pop up on another dog's (lol) (adventuringwithnala) IG page, sounds like they're still active.

    What ever happened to them that made them different? I was a fan as well. I saw the creator pop up on another dog's (lol) (adventuringwithnala) IG page, sounds like they're still active.

    1 vote