Recommendations for ENM apps for Bi women

Some context- I'm poly and queer and have been pretty much my whole life. I go through hundreds of matches a year and actively date regularly. In short, I've been around the block a few times and have some learning to share.

Most apps support flagging poly/enm at this point. I live in SF which has a huge poly/queer scene, so nearly any app works. There's problematic people on all apps. With that being said, the apps that is most directed towards ENM is definitely feeld.

After feeld, it really depends on where you're from but I would recommend her, and okcupid next as they are targeted pretty heavily at queer folks or have large queer communities. Hinge has one of the best interfaces and functionality I've seen but I struggle to get matches making me wonder if it's mostly straight people.

Lex is another great queer app, but I've never managed to get a date out of it, it seems more community focused to me. Great for shitposting and community and levity. Sometimes you might find in person meetups which could lead to dating or queer events, def worth checking out for that if nothing else.

The most successful (in terms of pure numbers of dates) apps I've used are the most mainstream ones - tinder and bumble. I think it's just a reflection of how large the dating pools are on those apps. So long as you clearly flag what you are and what you're looking for, I think it's pretty simple to find what you are looking for, but do not underestimate how much work it is to find someone on these apps. The following general statements are ones you should be aware of:

• People are quite selective with their matching, on average women swipe right on something like 10% of people. Expect to have to like a lot of people for just a few matches.
• People very rarely message at all, to have the highest chances of meeting, always send the first message
• Many people will unmatch after matching with you, try not to think about it
• The majority of people are not looking to meet people in real life from these apps. Yes, you read that correctly So do not be discouraged by how few matches end up in actual conversations or actual meetups
• Most people have notifications off and because of such may disappear for long periods of time and when they do show up often won't reply because it's been so long and they feel guilty. In general you should try to push towards another app like instagram or text ASAP. Couching your language and asking about comfort when pushing in this direction is a good way to make this happen faster, but even this will likely feel like a chore at times
• If you find yourself upset at dating apps or frustrated or tired of how much energy it's taking, take that as an opportunity to disengage or a signal that you are burning out
• I like to think of dating apps more as just socialization apps. They lead to conversations with people. SOMETIMES, if I'm lucky, I get to meet the person and even more rarely they end up a figure in my life. By setting little to no expectations, it makes it a lot easier to avoid getting too invested in someone or fantasizing about what/how things could be. Even when people are engaging with me and we're spending hours texting and exchanging voice memos it doesn't mean that it'll work out when we eventually meet, so I like to approach it in more of a "what can I learn here" kind of way - exploratory, curious, but with no expectations.