Archived Link The article covers wedding drama, wedding planner blues, details of the ultra-rich affairs, one ultra-rich bride's idea of a poor gal's wedding, and discussion around the...
Last year, approximately 13,000 weddings in America cost $1 million or more, according to the consulting firm Think Splendid. Which means that each week across America, some 250 millionaire and billionaire families are setting trends the rest of us should never dream of emulating. [...]
Months later, the same mother, while admiring the tent we had spent days erecting for the reception, said, in total seriousness, “I hate that it’s only being used for one night. I wish we could find some homeless people to stay here when we’re done.” [...]
The term the wedding-industrial complex entered the vernacular in 2007, around when Rebecca Mead published her takedown of the wedding industry, One Perfect Day.
Mead was a cynic about the entire endeavor. She seemed to think that levelheaded couples should just take themselves to a courthouse and get on with their life while other, flightier fiancés were seduced by wedding professionals eager to swindle them out of their hard-earned cash. “These people think of themselves as providing a service that is needed,” Mead told Salon. “But they’re also creating that need and generating the desire, and they’re certainly aware of it; the best ones are very clever marketers.”
The article covers wedding drama, wedding planner blues, details of the ultra-rich affairs, one ultra-rich bride's idea of a poor gal's wedding, and discussion around the wedding-industrial complex.
Fascinating look into the industry (and the insanity) that has become the "wedding industrial complex." My daughter is a wedding planner and has planned some fairly high end affairs but nothing...
Fascinating look into the industry (and the insanity) that has become the "wedding industrial complex." My daughter is a wedding planner and has planned some fairly high end affairs but nothing quite on this scale of grandeur and excess - landscaping and building a new mini golf course with waiters dressed as caddies to offer putting advice while serving? Incredible.
The story of the mother and planner doing the plans behind the fake poor bride's back and going so far as pretending she was fired was priceless. I wonder how mom and daughter are telling that story now - laughing about it or still drawing swords?
Personally Im of the 'why the hell would you spend all that on a wedding when you could've bought a house' mindset, but as the author noted, these people already have a house. Or several. I cant quite comprehend that level of wealth - although my daughter has mentioned that a few of her clients have specifically started their meetings with "whatever we ask for, just get it, the money doesn't matter, just do it" Oh, to be so rich - I got married the second time in an AirBnB backyard, with my dear bride, two friends and the pastor. Dont think it cost more than $600 all told- flowers, license and honorarium included.
I considered my wedding a great time had by all. Open bar, professional catering, limo service, ceremony in a historical rose garden outside the California Capital Building, and live musicians...
I considered my wedding a great time had by all. Open bar, professional catering, limo service, ceremony in a historical rose garden outside the California Capital Building, and live musicians throughout. All in all it was about 5k. I asked my friends to help and they did with a gusto so it became a community driven affair. The money mostly went to food, booze, and renting the meeting hall. Had about a hundred guests all in all.
Our friends at the time spent around 150k on their wedding. Same characteristics with the caveat that their wedding took place overlooking a beach in Malibu and it was all handled by professionals. Both were nice, but my friends and I have stories about staying up til 2am the night before struggling to tie bows on table ornaments and all of those other little things.
question for you: do you mind briefly disclosing the approximate age groups and era of your wedding and the 150k wedding? I ask because some of my friends had super saver weddings, and some had...
question for you: do you mind briefly disclosing the approximate age groups and era of your wedding and the 150k wedding?
I ask because some of my friends had super saver weddings, and some had expensive ones, and in the very small sample group, I don't see cheaper weddings anymore at my age (35+) within the last 5ish years. Everything seems to be highly produced in the post instagram days: wedding planners are a must now; asking your friends to do anything other than "show up" seems to be frowned upon.
I wonder if it's social media and "can't look bad", or if it's more age related, like how beyond a certain age you can't ask your friends to help you move with pizza and beer anymore.
I’m in the 35-45 age range (Xennial) as is the other couple. Looking back I think it has more to do with family finances than anything else. I grew up poor or near poor and not in a major...
I’m in the 35-45 age range (Xennial) as is the other couple. Looking back I think it has more to do with family finances than anything else. I grew up poor or near poor and not in a major metropolitan so self reliance and counting on your friend networks were more a prized virtue amongst my peer group whereas the other couple came from relatively well off families who could simply afford such luxuries as a matter of course.
It occurs to me that the issue is not the large amount of money paid for these celebrations. It is the marketed expectations of everything you have to have in your wedding. It is not to celebrate...
It occurs to me that the issue is not the large amount of money paid for these celebrations. It is the marketed expectations of everything you have to have in your wedding. It is not to celebrate any more. It is about being members of the royalty for one day. Your life will change for ever because of your wedding.
That marketing is forcing youngsters (I mean youngsters like in fragile) to believe that there are traditions that, oh crap, are very costly but a must. Making them to believe that to be that member of the royalty everything must be perfect, no kids, no ugly relatives, no to the new boyfriend of my friend..., and the color must match, the chairs must be this classic style, the food from this fabulous chef, keep adding money.
And we must upend life to celebrate. Life is not life anymore; it is an exercise of getting as close as (im)possible to that more than a million dollar wedding the planner showed to us.
It is not the consumer's fault unless gullibility is considered a defect, a purposeful defect. There are many ways to get money and the most unethical one is the generation of demand by the suppliers. There is where we are right now. Spearing fragile egos to make them think that a wedding is a life altering experience and, therefore, worth a huge debt, sorry, investment.
A wedding is (should be) a party. Weddings have become a distorted thing in which the spontaneity of a celebration is reduced to some music and dancing within a over-planned and over-scheduled "filling-the-empty-soul" week-long ceremony.
Who is reading this, who is this for? The proposition is that weddings are necessary. It is no question, really, what is absurd are the luxury weddings. Even then it isn’t about the luxury, it’s...
Who is reading this, who is this for?
The proposition is that weddings are necessary. It is no question, really, what is absurd are the luxury weddings. Even then it isn’t about the luxury, it’s being a paid friend for insecure rich people.
It’s an ad, that’s for sure. Or is it? Nothing is being sold right? At the least I’m feeling outraged that good money is wasted, one thinks, no hair on my hair that makes me want to book a luxury wedding planner.
After the x-th bizarre story you might think to yourself, poor Chinawoman, having to endure such idiocy from rich republicans. She is just doing a job. She seems to work hard. Why are rich people like this.
Wedding and marriage are two different things, while both an superficial show. It doesn’t really matter she says, even after a luxury wedding a woman can feel dead inside. At least the planner was dedicated.
The justification of luxury weddings at the end of the article is the real hook. It normalizes weddings and even the copious amount of money spent at (luxury) weddings. It paints this prosocial picture of these extreme rich: They give to charity anyway, they create jobs with this wedding! If you listen closely what do you hear? I could hear the necessity of wedding planners echoed somewhere between the lines. Also it gave me the okay to have a bit of luxury at my wedding, at least I am not like these annoying rich persons.
:) this is in the style of an exposé, a tell-all, in which a person is given a few pages to tell their side of the story. Sometimes they have articles like this written by charismatic types, and...
:) this is in the style of an exposé, a tell-all, in which a person is given a few pages to tell their side of the story. Sometimes they have articles like this written by charismatic types, and they're most interesting if you read between the lines.
Examples of this include autobiographical accounts by white collar criminals, The Wolf On Wall Street, and Catch Me If You Can: they live large and it's showy and fun to watch, but if you slow down a bit, you can see the people they've hurt, crying in the background or off screen.
The writer's mental gymnastics to rationalise away her enabling role in the Wedding Industrial Complex is quite interesting to observe. She's a job creator! But they were hired on minimum wage for only a day or two: these aren't jobs at all. And despite everything she says about being not-white, she spends no time profiling these workers either: they're just nameless and faceless, literal servants.
The Wedding Industrial Complex is almost as devious as the Baby Industrial Complex. Both are thoroughly disgusting and predatory on instincts that are fundamentally good ("I want to celebrate my...
The Wedding Industrial Complex is almost as devious as the Baby Industrial Complex. Both are thoroughly disgusting and predatory on instincts that are fundamentally good ("I want to celebrate my marriage with people I love", "I want to be a good parent"). These rapacious trolls whisper from under their bridges "You don't really live your baby or your partner unless you cough up $X,000 for this thing". For someone who has a natural aversion to materialism/consumerism it really sucks the joy out of what should be some of the best experiences in life.
The funeral industry is similar: "Oh you're not suggesting we bury your mom in a cheap casket are you? I mean, okay but going that route has 100 more hoops to jump through vs the all inclusive...
Both are thoroughly disgusting and predatory on instincts that are fundamentally good
The funeral industry is similar: "Oh you're not suggesting we bury your mom in a cheap casket are you? I mean, okay but going that route has 100 more hoops to jump through vs the all inclusive package..." at a time when the family is drowning in grief.
The moral math on this is actually very simple - it is never right to spend multiple millions of dollars on an unnecessary wedding in a world where hunger exists, and doing so indicates something...
The moral math on this is actually very simple - it is never right to spend multiple millions of dollars on an unnecessary wedding in a world where hunger exists, and doing so indicates something is very wrong with your character.
There are some very interesting studies on the effect wealth accumulation has on a person's psychology. Reduced compassion, reduced empathy, heightened self-worth. The larger the hoard, the smaller the person in comparison.
What’s the threshold on excess that becomes morally wrong? Does me putting several thousands into a gaming PC even though I already have many ways to play video games put me over the line? Does...
What’s the threshold on excess that becomes morally wrong? Does me putting several thousands into a gaming PC even though I already have many ways to play video games put me over the line? Does spending on frivolities like video games at all put me over the line?
I don't know, nobody does. It's not a clear line. If you spent every penny but the minimum on helping other's you'd have a mental breakdown. But we can say with some confidence that spending...
I don't know, nobody does. It's not a clear line. If you spent every penny but the minimum on helping other's you'd have a mental breakdown.
But we can say with some confidence that spending millions of dollars on these hyperperformative weddings is over that line.
Just because we don't have it figured out to the micrometer doesn't mean we have to abandon morality.
This conclusion makes it sound like that money is just burned and beneficial to no one. That money supports a lot of jobs, many are local, and produces tax revenue.
This conclusion makes it sound like that money is just burned and beneficial to no one. That money supports a lot of jobs, many are local, and produces tax revenue.
And they could support a whole lot more people if was being distributed with the intent to do that You're never going to convince me that a luxury wedding is as efficient a redistribution of...
And they could support a whole lot more people if was being distributed with the intent to do that
You're never going to convince me that a luxury wedding is as efficient a redistribution of wealth as charities designed to do that.
I honestly don't see what is new about this. Many books have been written about the excesses and the drama of wedding planning and execution - I personally like the no-nonsense of Imogen...
I honestly don't see what is new about this. Many books have been written about the excesses and the drama of wedding planning and execution - I personally like the no-nonsense of Imogen Edwards-Jones' Wedding Babylon - and many reality TVs, including the ones Gonzalez worked at.
So what is the sense of this article? "Hey, let me remind you once again what the rich and crass do in their wedding days"?
Archived Link
The article covers wedding drama, wedding planner blues, details of the ultra-rich affairs, one ultra-rich bride's idea of a poor gal's wedding, and discussion around the wedding-industrial complex.
Fascinating look into the industry (and the insanity) that has become the "wedding industrial complex." My daughter is a wedding planner and has planned some fairly high end affairs but nothing quite on this scale of grandeur and excess - landscaping and building a new mini golf course with waiters dressed as caddies to offer putting advice while serving? Incredible.
The story of the mother and planner doing the plans behind the fake poor bride's back and going so far as pretending she was fired was priceless. I wonder how mom and daughter are telling that story now - laughing about it or still drawing swords?
Personally Im of the 'why the hell would you spend all that on a wedding when you could've bought a house' mindset, but as the author noted, these people already have a house. Or several. I cant quite comprehend that level of wealth - although my daughter has mentioned that a few of her clients have specifically started their meetings with "whatever we ask for, just get it, the money doesn't matter, just do it" Oh, to be so rich - I got married the second time in an AirBnB backyard, with my dear bride, two friends and the pastor. Dont think it cost more than $600 all told- flowers, license and honorarium included.
I considered my wedding a great time had by all. Open bar, professional catering, limo service, ceremony in a historical rose garden outside the California Capital Building, and live musicians throughout. All in all it was about 5k. I asked my friends to help and they did with a gusto so it became a community driven affair. The money mostly went to food, booze, and renting the meeting hall. Had about a hundred guests all in all.
Our friends at the time spent around 150k on their wedding. Same characteristics with the caveat that their wedding took place overlooking a beach in Malibu and it was all handled by professionals. Both were nice, but my friends and I have stories about staying up til 2am the night before struggling to tie bows on table ornaments and all of those other little things.
question for you: do you mind briefly disclosing the approximate age groups and era of your wedding and the 150k wedding?
I ask because some of my friends had super saver weddings, and some had expensive ones, and in the very small sample group, I don't see cheaper weddings anymore at my age (35+) within the last 5ish years. Everything seems to be highly produced in the post instagram days: wedding planners are a must now; asking your friends to do anything other than "show up" seems to be frowned upon.
I wonder if it's social media and "can't look bad", or if it's more age related, like how beyond a certain age you can't ask your friends to help you move with pizza and beer anymore.
I’m in the 35-45 age range (Xennial) as is the other couple. Looking back I think it has more to do with family finances than anything else. I grew up poor or near poor and not in a major metropolitan so self reliance and counting on your friend networks were more a prized virtue amongst my peer group whereas the other couple came from relatively well off families who could simply afford such luxuries as a matter of course.
It occurs to me that the issue is not the large amount of money paid for these celebrations. It is the marketed expectations of everything you have to have in your wedding. It is not to celebrate any more. It is about being members of the royalty for one day. Your life will change for ever because of your wedding.
That marketing is forcing youngsters (I mean youngsters like in fragile) to believe that there are traditions that, oh crap, are very costly but a must. Making them to believe that to be that member of the royalty everything must be perfect, no kids, no ugly relatives, no to the new boyfriend of my friend..., and the color must match, the chairs must be this classic style, the food from this fabulous chef, keep adding money.
And we must upend life to celebrate. Life is not life anymore; it is an exercise of getting as close as (im)possible to that more than a million dollar wedding the planner showed to us.
It is not the consumer's fault unless gullibility is considered a defect, a purposeful defect. There are many ways to get money and the most unethical one is the generation of demand by the suppliers. There is where we are right now. Spearing fragile egos to make them think that a wedding is a life altering experience and, therefore, worth a huge debt, sorry, investment.
A wedding is (should be) a party. Weddings have become a distorted thing in which the spontaneity of a celebration is reduced to some music and dancing within a over-planned and over-scheduled "filling-the-empty-soul" week-long ceremony.
Who is reading this, who is this for?
The proposition is that weddings are necessary. It is no question, really, what is absurd are the luxury weddings. Even then it isn’t about the luxury, it’s being a paid friend for insecure rich people.
It’s an ad, that’s for sure. Or is it? Nothing is being sold right? At the least I’m feeling outraged that good money is wasted, one thinks, no hair on my hair that makes me want to book a luxury wedding planner.
After the x-th bizarre story you might think to yourself, poor Chinawoman, having to endure such idiocy from rich republicans. She is just doing a job. She seems to work hard. Why are rich people like this.
Wedding and marriage are two different things, while both an superficial show. It doesn’t really matter she says, even after a luxury wedding a woman can feel dead inside. At least the planner was dedicated.
The justification of luxury weddings at the end of the article is the real hook. It normalizes weddings and even the copious amount of money spent at (luxury) weddings. It paints this prosocial picture of these extreme rich: They give to charity anyway, they create jobs with this wedding! If you listen closely what do you hear? I could hear the necessity of wedding planners echoed somewhere between the lines. Also it gave me the okay to have a bit of luxury at my wedding, at least I am not like these annoying rich persons.
:) this is in the style of an exposé, a tell-all, in which a person is given a few pages to tell their side of the story. Sometimes they have articles like this written by charismatic types, and they're most interesting if you read between the lines.
Examples of this include autobiographical accounts by white collar criminals, The Wolf On Wall Street, and Catch Me If You Can: they live large and it's showy and fun to watch, but if you slow down a bit, you can see the people they've hurt, crying in the background or off screen.
The writer's mental gymnastics to rationalise away her enabling role in the Wedding Industrial Complex is quite interesting to observe. She's a job creator! But they were hired on minimum wage for only a day or two: these aren't jobs at all. And despite everything she says about being not-white, she spends no time profiling these workers either: they're just nameless and faceless, literal servants.
The Wedding Industrial Complex is almost as devious as the Baby Industrial Complex. Both are thoroughly disgusting and predatory on instincts that are fundamentally good ("I want to celebrate my marriage with people I love", "I want to be a good parent"). These rapacious trolls whisper from under their bridges "You don't really live your baby or your partner unless you cough up $X,000 for this thing". For someone who has a natural aversion to materialism/consumerism it really sucks the joy out of what should be some of the best experiences in life.
The funeral industry is similar: "Oh you're not suggesting we bury your mom in a cheap casket are you? I mean, okay but going that route has 100 more hoops to jump through vs the all inclusive package..." at a time when the family is drowning in grief.
The moral math on this is actually very simple - it is never right to spend multiple millions of dollars on an unnecessary wedding in a world where hunger exists, and doing so indicates something is very wrong with your character.
There are some very interesting studies on the effect wealth accumulation has on a person's psychology. Reduced compassion, reduced empathy, heightened self-worth. The larger the hoard, the smaller the person in comparison.
What’s the threshold on excess that becomes morally wrong? Does me putting several thousands into a gaming PC even though I already have many ways to play video games put me over the line? Does spending on frivolities like video games at all put me over the line?
I don't know, nobody does. It's not a clear line. If you spent every penny but the minimum on helping other's you'd have a mental breakdown.
But we can say with some confidence that spending millions of dollars on these hyperperformative weddings is over that line.
Just because we don't have it figured out to the micrometer doesn't mean we have to abandon morality.
This conclusion makes it sound like that money is just burned and beneficial to no one. That money supports a lot of jobs, many are local, and produces tax revenue.
And they could support a whole lot more people if was being distributed with the intent to do that
You're never going to convince me that a luxury wedding is as efficient a redistribution of wealth as charities designed to do that.
I honestly don't see what is new about this. Many books have been written about the excesses and the drama of wedding planning and execution - I personally like the no-nonsense of Imogen Edwards-Jones' Wedding Babylon - and many reality TVs, including the ones Gonzalez worked at.
So what is the sense of this article? "Hey, let me remind you once again what the rich and crass do in their wedding days"?