What are your beliefs about aging?

I’m in my 30s right now.

I really don’t believe in a thing called old age anymore. I’m in my 30s and I have seen people of various ages who are all extremely different in terms of mental acuity and health. in a way I think that to define old age means defining the period of time where you stop caring about them as people, so it’s an inherently hostile or careless philosophy. It’s much more important to categorize people based on their health rather than their age, as that will determine what they can and can’t do. Age is nothing. It is what you did with your time that matters.

I’m actually about to head home right now so I don’t have time to answer the other questions, but if you want to know what I think ask and I’ll swing around to it later.

1. What decade of your life are you in - < 20, twenties, thirties, etc.

Middle of my 30's.

2. In what decade (see above) do you think old age begins?

For most folks I'd say 70's/80's. That "old age" begins when the fact of it is the guiding thing, the central operating principle, and folks in their 60's just aren't quite there yet in my limited experience. Some are.

3. What characterizes being "old" to you? For example, loss of sexual attractiveness, diminution of physical strength or stamina, illness, loss of mental agility, etc.

Physical decline primarily, some stuff is unavoidable no matter how well you prepare. There's a mental component to that too, but I think that gets messier really quickly. Best I can say, there is a dampened ability to connect dots quickly. What characterizes being old to me is when this decline is central, when working around it consumes much time and life is oriented more around accommodating what isn't going as well.

4. At what age do you think you will be too old to function as you want to in life?

Probably late 70's/early 80's if I get that far. If my hands work, 90's, but I don't think that's likely. I don't care what happens to my body at that point, as long as I can think and express, and use my hands - I'll go as long as I am able if that stays. I don't intend to be here if I'm reduced to just thinking inside a flesh prison, just to be straight with you. If I'm lucky and someone takes the time to help me express then I can go further/reevaluate.

5. Do you have experiences of aging (personal, family, acquaintances, caregiving roles) that give you concerns or hopes about your own future?

Yes, many concerns. I live with an elderly person, I experience their social activities and talk with their friends. If I don't resolve some of the things that framed a lot of my existence there's a risk they envelop me, that I just get stuck at some prior stage. I see people on a regular basis who, as a result of unresolved trauma and poor relationships, are unworkable, awful people to be around. They cannot see reality anymore, it's all through a lens of pain and old patterns. I want to be an old person who sees themselves as exiting a bigger pattern of things, not someone who anguishes over things I can no longer do anything about or stuff I could never get done. I also anticipate living through a violent transition period from a globalized economic system to whatever in the hell comes after that. If I am not killed off during that time I don't think I'll be living in a world with good elder care, and the experience of that is certain to alter how I understand people/the world. I can't anticipate much but it doesn't look good on that front. A lot to pay attention to, and a great need to make sure my mind is well structured/defended/however you want to say that. I am deeply pessimistic about the world I live in, and deeply optimistic about the people in my life. I'll just have to see how the needle gets threaded there because thinking too far ahead feels foolish.

6. Do you believe age confers any benefits, and what might those be?

Wisdom can't be overestimated. Intuition honed and developed across a lifetime seems like good shit to have. Being the guy who did a thing for 50+ years can only happen as an old man. Experience and knowledge accumulate, so the longer I can go the more of a benefit I think I can see. Of course, I also need some folks who actually listen and care, that's its own work and the benefit is of being safe and secure despite a declining ability to enforce that for myself. The benefits of good relationships accumulate like the knowledge and experience do.

7. Assuming no catastrophic health events, do you believe life will seem better or worse to you as you age?

Worse, unequivocally. I have no reason to think I'll live in a world remotely like the one I grew up in, and what approaches appears much harsher. It will be worse because it will have gotten worse, I will have seen it become worse. I have already had that experience across my lifetime thus far - cool tech is not a substitute for functional government and a consistent ecology. I, myself, may be fine enough, but it's always mattered to me how things work out for everyone. I don't know how I'll think about it decades from now but I don't expect having a very positive opinion. I already feel like the world has thrown away opportunity, and it will be a long while before such opportunity arises again.

8. Do you feel like aging people are a burden to those younger?

When they don't do the work of not being a burden, sure. If they trap themselves in prior traumas, shit relationships, needless material struggle, and become nasty about it I completely understand younger folk leaving them out to dry. I would not expect anyone to care for me if all I did was spit venom and complain while fucking up my own existence. As a younger person currently caring for an elderly person, I did have to make a decision about which elderly person I would apply my devotion toward, which meant having to evaluate folks a bit. The alternative in my life was someone who is so completely trapped they cannot properly communicate anymore - I didn't go to them. The history there was terrible, and meant little to me. Being related has never meant a lot to me, on its own - it's about what you did together. Bonds and history matter, the feeling of being burdensome comes from how those things played out, on both ends. An older person might feel they are a burden and no one around agrees, because their family loves them and doesn't mind doing whatever needs doing. Otoh, an older person might not feel that at all and everyone loathes helping them because of it. It's complex and different between people. I don't think it makes much sense to try to say something as absolute as "old folks are/aren't a burden".

9. Do you find yourself using pejorative words about age?

No. There's no reason to be insulting around age in general. It's all about who it is we're talking about, and age means something in that context. Divorcing the age related criticism from the person imo is often just a bad move intellectually, you'll have a hard time justifying it and all the old folks, nice and mean, will likely just think you're a shitbag. I wrote above in a bit of a pejorative way because of the specificity of the question - I don't see a need to really think about what most or all old people are.

Where there exists a bit of an exception, is how frustrating it is to deal with people who have lost the will to think toward the future. That's a very old person thing to do that unfortunately means a lot for folks coming up behind them, and it is hard to not feel betrayed when I listen to older folks try to deny or obfuscate parts of reality they didn't expect/didn't want. Too bad, so sad, is honestly what I want to say sometimes - things happened, we're here now, deal with it as it is. That's what I got told along the way, take your own advice. If it feels like waking up on a roller coaster that's because we've been on a roller coaster and you were asleep. I've been sitting in the front the whole time (as I do on actual roller coasters) and have at least a few decades more to endure. I'd prefer folks be realistic and focused so we can survive better. I won't deny folks reminiscing but I also won't be listening much after about ten or fifteen minutes. There's only so much "good old days" I can hear before I start to get fuming fucking mad at how far away we've gotten from them, and if I'm honest I've only met maybe two elderly people ever who understand this sentiment in its full form. One of them is my grandmother, it's part of why I decided to throw out a life and career to go help her out.

I think a lot of what I wrote changes when the person in question holds power. I want to know their condition, in granular, fine detail, and I don't give a shit how embarrassing or difficult it is to talk about. Power changes everything. I can spare the feelings of an everyday person who does not control much, who has no real role in my future. I refuse to do that for someone who can command a nuclear weapon and bring my country to ruin. I also think my country is more important than shit like "but what will [opponent] say". Fuck what they say. Show the people what they're in for, what they're getting, and if the opposition wants to make some shit up and not show people the same, go hard in the paint and accuse them of being the addled, burdensome old moron. Being merciful and kind is for our grandparents. The country, the presidency, is not our family. It's a higher standard, the highest of standards, and yeah that means you get completely exposed if you want to do it. That's how the public does accountability, that thing we all say should exist but doesn't, because we are ourselves doing old person shit - trying to hide from the parts of things we don't like and didn't expect. Trapped in immaturity and fear, to be overly simple and blunt about it.

Call me an asshole all day long, I don't mind. Connect all the dots and label me, whatever helps you sleep. I'm not making a case for giving up or voting our country into ruin. But I will not sit here and fool myself into thinking it is a good idea to have fucking granddad negotiate us through a rapidly changing world, so to speak. That's stupid no matter how you slice it and even if granddad is just the sweetest dude who ever lived, with perfect eyesight and a sharp mind, he should not be up there. That we decide between "granddad and his elder care team" and "demented racist great-uncle + inheritance stealing cousins" is a complete failure of society for which I have no forgiveness. I'll go to my grave thinking that even if I get to have the experience of children telling me they don't believe my stories and laughing. Everything could go complete Sunshine and Rainbows and I will still hate this place for ever putting me in such a position. It's one of those things I'll have to work out some way or other, so that I don't end up in my 80's spitting venom and ire at everyone, a burden I do not appreciate.

1. Just turned 40. You didn't ask it, but most people including yourself seem to be saying it, so I'm white and Canadian.

2. I think a hard cut off for "old" doesn't exist and is kind of pointless. My 89 year old father puts most people to shame mentally.

3. I don't really know. I think old applies when things start falling apart. That happens to some people in their 80s and some people in their 40s.

4.No clue. Hopefully as late as possible. Drinking was too painfully so I have basically stopped. I used to care about that but don't now. I assume I will continue to change as I grow older so it is hard to predict. I'm still a big gamer, so I guess if I find myself at an age where play games is painful or difficult that could be it.

5. My father is 89 and my mother is 78 and both are in pretty good health. My father is finally at the point where he is slowing down and no longer travels outside Canada because the travel insurance is now too expensive. My father hadn't really exercised outside of going for walks since I was a kid and my mother sporadically goes to the gym so that gives me hope that I'll be able to maintain my mobility. It took until I was 40, but I am finally exercising regularly so that's a win.

6. It's cliche, but wisdom, if you want it. That can mean a lot of things. To me right now, it means how I value my time. I spend my time in ways that are important to me.

7. My life has never been better and I expect it will remain that way unless I lose the ability to do the things I love.

8. Absolutely. It seems like a ton of people failed to plan for their retirement. There are many people who can be blamed for this, but it is definitely going to be a drain on our resources. Thankfully my parents are financially solid and never expected anything from me in their retirement.

9. Not really. I think the worst I get is what I said in my previous answer. My parents and my in-laws are pretty awesome "old people" so I got nothing against them in general.

1. I am in my late 30s. I am white American (Scots-Irish specifically) .

2. I think you are old when you start seeing major, generalized physical and/or mental degradation due to age-related wear and tear. This can vary for different people. However, in my family, people tend to be spry well into their 70s and often their 80s, and they usually don't die until their 90s unless struck down suddenly by disease (like cancer or stroke). I tend to think of my family members as "older middle aged" starting in their 60s, "old" starting in their their 70s, and "elderly" starting in their 80s — but it depends a lot on the person.

3. Someone seems old to me when they have become noticeably frail, and when their mental acuity has very noticeably diminished. My grandfather recently passed away at 93 from a stroke (caused by changing medications, unfortunately), and he was still living completely independently and still very physically active (and, indeed, still physically much stronger than me). He beat my dad at a game of chess just a few hours before his stroke. I would have described him as "old" — because how can you say that a 93-year-old man isn't old? — but I didn't really think of him as that old. I still thought of him as being in his 70s when he died; I remember his 90th birthday, but I didn't quite grok that he was truly that old because he really didn't seem it.

4. I can't say. I really hope I will still be going strong in my 80s. However, so many of the "younger" members of my family have been dying of cancer in their 70s — 20 years younger than their parents and grandparents — that I can't help but wonder if I'll be lucky just to make it that far.

5. I really, really hope I end up with a shock of white hair. Ever since I was a little kid, this was something I've always found really beautiful in my older family members (those lucky ones with the genetics for it). It's one of the things that made me look forward to being older when I was kid, and I had all these elaborate plans for how I'd do my hair to show it off. (The other thing I always admired in older family members and really wanted for myself were crow's feet. As young as 5 years old, I used to spend hours walking around with my eyes squinted, hoping that it would help me develop crow's feet as soon as possible. I guess it worked, because I've got some pretty good ones going now — and, as the only wrinkles visible on my face so far, they are particularly striking.)

6. In my experience, older people are generally more confident all around. They have more experience and more trust in their knowledge as a consequence; they are less worried about other people's opinions of them; they are braver in the face of danger; etc. I have noticed a lot of these changes coming over me gradually as well, and it has generally made my 30s superior to my anxious 20s, my panicky 10s, and my terror-ridden 00s. I am looking forward to the new heights of confidence that my 40s will bring (knock on wood).

7. Assuming no serious health problems or major personal tragedies, I am expecting a general upward trajectory up until my last 10 years or so.

8. I think this can be the case if the ratios are off. A small workforce supporting a large retired population can certainly be very burdensome (just as a small workforce supporting a large population of children can be burdensome). There can also be political issues when this happens; one demographic's interests becoming over-represented at the polling booth can be a huge burden for other demographics.

9. I don't think I do this. (I don't really use pejoratives in general.)

I'll preface this with a partial response to a point raised about experience with aging. I've been the primarily and sometimes sole caregiver to two older relatives in their final weeks and months. It's an incredibly personal thing to be around someone, especially someone you're related to, and experience from the outside both the hardships that they face and to endure the responsibility of taking care of them. It will probably change your perspective on a lot of things, much like high-profile instances of families battling over whether to remove someone from life support.

1. What decade of your life are you in - < 20, twenties, thirties, etc.

I'm pretty solidly in what would be the average age bracket here.

2. In what decade (see above) do you think old age begins?

This has changed with me over time. I don't attribute my physical capability or inability to age unnecessarily. But there are some things that I'm not as good at anymore. For instance, my hand-eye coordination is great and my physical strength is good or great, but I know that when it comes to fast-paced gaming I'm not as fast as my young peers of a similar skill level. Literally I have to make up the difference with experience to be at the same level as them.

So I would say during a person's 4th decade (0-9, 10-19, 20-29, 30-39...) is when there's real signs of the start of a cognitive decline. That said, they may be declines in things that aren't essential to functioning. Declines in hearing can come much later, if at all. Mobility and strength certainly should come later in the healthiest of contexts. But I don't do mental math as fast as I used to, I don't read as fast as I used to, things that are still routine I'm demonstrably not as fast anymore.

3. What characterizes being "old" to you? For example, loss of sexual attractiveness, diminution of physical strength or stamina, illness, loss of mental agility, etc.

This is going to sound eye-rolling, but I've been dealing with older relatives for a while and really there's one group of characteristics that I use as a metric for age and it's not physical ability, hearing loss, or number of wrinkles. It's mental acumen and plasticity.

A person's ability to take in new information, parse it, compare it to your personal beliefs and knowledge, and then reconcile it rationally is really important. If they have the right support system around them, they can still live a long and fruitful life. But perhaps there are activities they shouldn't be doing, like driving, flying, or holding public office. And if a person is having memory lapses or things like that, they shouldn't be stewards of young children, either.

4. At what age do you think you will be too old to function as you want to in life?

Personal health concerns aside, probably 70. I don't believe there's anything in the water (or clouds, for that matter, yeesh), but sometimes I hope to god there is something in the water (or the lead pipes) and we can fix it because if the mental state of 70 year olds in my family is normal I sure as fuck don't want to go that route. So 50 and from there on I'm playing it by ear.

My childhood friend's parents checked themselves into a retirement community as soon as they could and don't have half as many responsibilities as if they lived outside of it. Plus they're adjacent to almost all their doctors as well as transport to specialists, sporting events, etc. As crazy as they are, they got that one right.

5. Do you have experiences of aging (personal, family, acquaintances, caregiving roles) that give you concerns or hopes about your own future?

In the modern American experience (and I would say western or western-European-derived experience) of aging, it's incredibly costly to younger generations. I think part of this is due to macroeconomic pressures, which is not to say inflation, but actual public debt, the constant drive of corporations to make more money than the previous quarter, and allowing private debt and expenses to flow down to the next generation. That's an incredible burden. But what's also a burden is the amount of time that is required of young people compared to what our parents and grandparents experienced during those same years of their lives. Granted, it was worse before them and so were working conditions. But it seems valid to say that there was a "golden era" of balance between work and leisure and affordability that didn't reasonably exist before or after.

6. Do you believe age confers any benefits, and what might those be?

Fucking discounts up and down the place! Everywhere all the time and for everything! Public transit, sporting events, NASA, my local ice cream shop, the massage place (that's not weird at all!), AAA, AARP (a lobbyist group for old people), even their fucking taxes. Did you know that some cities give a property tax discount if you've lived there for 20+ years as the home-owner or simply own a historic house? In my relative's city the discount was 50%! That's a fucking lot of money and from a certain perspective it almost sounds like they're making it cheaper for the "original" or "correct" people to stay there and to disincentivize new people from moving in. Hmm. Plus, old people can defer their tax payments for months simply because they're old. That's time that the money they owe the government, which is to say society can instead be sitting in their bank account accruing interest. It's like giving old people free money! Give young people those same benefits and let's see if morale improves.

7. Assuming no catastrophic health events, do you believe life will seem better or worse to you as you age?

Worse for sure. Healthcare is in a full-on race towards cutting costs as much as possible and there are political parties rallied around the principles of destroying systems like the NHS in the UK, Social Security in the US, and other safety nets that are ostensibly supposed to support the most vulnerable (which generally only means those with representation, which inherently means the older generations). I don't see technology and healthcare advancements, with respect to current political and economic climates, as being enough to thwart other looming issues that have the capacity to decrease quality of life. Especially for minorities and people who can't afford expensive treatments.

Among them, real estate isn't as accessible as it once was for home-owners and "aging in place" is a concept something that's really targeting upper-middle class retirees because it's not financially sustainable for anyone else. Wealth extraction is going to hit younger generations really hard. The pre-WW2 generations often had a lot of kids, and those kids had a decent number of kids. The baby boomer benefactors are each living in their own homes and distributed across the country or globe. It makes taking care of each other harder than back in the 1920s and costs have disproportionately risen along with the incursion of individual debt that burdens subsequent generations.

8. Do you feel like aging people are a burden to those younger?

Should I distinguish between "aging people" and "laws protecting the aged?"

Laws protecting old people aren't fundamentally any different than laws protecting a specific class of people. But the practical difference is that there's a lot more positive benefit entrenched in what's become a very large demographic of people that subsequent generations are going to have a hard time paying for and fixing. It'll be especially difficult to fix things with the status quo that those older generations may have enjoyed but younger and more diverse generations cannot enjoy.

For instance, land ownership laws have been or were traditionally very accommodating to white land owners. That helped to create more generational wealth than among minorities who might've suffered from both exploitation and institutionalized exploitation (i.e. refusal to sell a house to a Black family wanting to move to a "white neighborhood") without even mentioning the times Black and minority neighborhoods were specifically targeted in South Africa, the US, and so on. People who are less wealthy are burdened by aging relatives who can't afford their own care. Minorities and the landless are disproportionately impacted because they have been, and remain, less protected and have limited access to those protections.

Speaking to a Namibian woman a while back, who I believe was around my age, she was also very concerned about the burden of taking care of older generations. In many parts of sub-Saharan Africa it's typical to have a lot of children and then collect a percentage of their wages to live off of "in retirement." Because when you're too old to work, one's kids are their social security. But I think that really stems from the natural intersection of two human feelings about biological prerogatives and associated guilt: "I want to have a big family and prove I can support them" and from the other side "I owe my parents my support as they get too old to take care of themselves."

9. Do you find yourself using pejorative words about age?

Not that I can think of. I try not to use pejoratives, slurs, etc., at all. I rarely even say "boomers" because it's usually used in a negative context by people. I swear often, but there's a difference between profanity and invective.