Job offer in a new city -- making friends?
Hi. I'm finishing my schooling and have received a job offer on the west coast (Vancouver). I also have comparably good, though marginally worse, job offers here on the east coast where I live (Toronto).
I'm familiar with Toronto and have many friends here or nearby, especially since I grew up and went to school not too far. However, the offer I have in Vancouver is "better" both in terms of compensation (though not that it makes a big difference) and in terms of the actual learning experience I would have on the job.
If this job was also in Toronto I would take it immediately with no hesitation. However, it being in Vancouver gives me some pause. I've visited the city and have some mutual, but not personal, friends there. The city overall is fairly agreeable, and I enjoy the nature and scenery a lot.
Question: have any of you made similar moves, how did you feel about it retrospectively, and how did you go about establishing a friend group outside of work?
As a general rule, I encourage anyone at your stage of life to take the plunge and move somewhere new. It’s the ideal time to do it! You will likely never again have the same amount of financial, social, familial, and neuroplastic flexibility that you have now.
In my experience, people who remain in the same place where they grew up tend to grow smaller-minded as they age. Meaning their limited exposure to the broader world gives them a kind of myopia about the range of cultures and experiences they are comfortable with. An intentional Big Move as you begin adulthood can meaningfully impact your willingness to try new things, and your acceptance of others. In short, have an adventure and let it change you! You will be a better person for it in the long run!
Practically, your concerns about making friends are real. I knew someone who attempted a Big Move without figuring out that part, and his life became a depressing morass of workaholism and loneliness; after about a year he returned to his hometown in defeat. I think as long as you’re proactive about putting yourself out there socially, you’ll do fine. Depending on your level of introversion, of course, that could be the most challenging part. I don’t mean to minimize that. Regardless, I still think a move like this can be highly rewarding and is worth doing for most people who are able.
I’ve done a Big Move three times now, myself. None of them were easy but that post-graduation season is a special time when the friction is the lowest it’ll ever be. I say go for it!
Strongly seconding this - I’d say that doing it because it’s a significant and somewhat intimidating change is almost reason enough on its own. There’s huge value in experiences like that, and the fact it’s a meaningfully better job as well is the icing on the cake.
One thing that might help is intentionally reframing it (to yourself at least, perhaps to your friends as well) as a two year project. You’re not (necessarily) leaving forever to build a new life elsewhere, you’re going off on an adventure in search of learning and new experiences. You’d be eyeing up new jobs in 2 - 3 years anyway; maybe you love Vancouver at that point and you absolutely do want to stay, maybe you feel like heading back to Toronto, maybe you even decide that you want to hit the road and explore what else is out there - as long as you go in with the mindset that the first couple of years are an experiment, none of those options will feel like failure.
I moved alone from the Midwest of the USA to the Seattle area about 7 years ago, so a fairly similar move to what you're doing. I have zero regrets about it, but I was also not tied down in any way to the midwest. I have visited Vancouver, it's a gorgeous area of the country, especially if you like the outdoors/mountains.
In terms of meeting new friends, other than through work I'd say the biggest thing is to have hobbies. There's meetup apps that you can use to find groups of similar hobbies, but try to look up local groups such as people who get together for board games, trivia nights, intramural sports, hiking groups, things like that. It's a big city and really the best way to meet new people is through shared experience.
It can be scary going out on your own for the first time, especially that far away. Put yourself out there and find group activities you like to do, you are bound to meet others with similar interests that you can bond with. For me that was primarily through playing ice hockey, I've met so many great people just through playing the sport I love.
Also doesn't hurt to try out a new hobby. Odds are there are groups or classes that are designed for beginners where you will be fumbling through it with other people who are in the same boat as you. Could be anything like the learn to play/skate hockey classes they have here, beginner pottery class, cooking class, dance class, there's so many things you could try.
Overall I have zero regrets from the move, but I also am someone who can be quite comfortable on their own for periods of time and I wasn't a fan of the midwest. I wanted the mountains and the outdoors. I didn't mind the rain in the winter, I preferred green and rainy over dry and brown/dead. That's one more thing, make sure you're ok with rain/overcast, because it's overcast up here for a large portion of the year. Some people can handle it, others get seasonal affective disorder. It's definitely a different feel, so just keep that in mind.
Happy to answer any other questions!
I would take the learning experience but be hunting for a better job back in Toronto in a few years. A deeply rooted friendship group is a huge asset.
If you want some outside suggestions about possible ways to meet people, you might read the books Bowling Alone or Flow the psychology of optimal experience by Csikzentmihalyi. I recommend these books and they name a wide variety of things people do together for fun or mutual interest.
You already know what the right choice is, but you are nervous about committing to it.
Most of my best friends moved. Most of them moved countries. None of them went back.
If you don't make this move now, and your friends all slowly move away, and you get stuck in a less than ideal job, you will regret not taking this chance for the rest of your life.
If you do make the move, and after a couple of years, you realize it isn't for you, you can simply turn back and move back to the home town.
In terms of making friends, it is harder after school, but I simply said "yes" anytime anyone suggested anything social.
I proactively looked for fun things to do. Especially things that involved hanging around with the same group of people.
And I stayed in touch with the friends back home.
For Vancouver, its good to get into sports like volleyball and stuff.
Both are expensive cities but I hear that it's harder to break into social groups in Vancouver. If I were you, I'd stay or find a way to come to Calgary. We rule ;)