39 votes

Guitar Center institutes 72-hour waiting period [Satire]

11 comments

  1. [8]
    Fiachra
    Link
    I know this might feel like an encumbrance on your constitutional rights, but keep in mind back when those laws were written the average person only had access to lutes and some rudimentary...

    I know this might feel like an encumbrance on your constitutional rights, but keep in mind back when those laws were written the average person only had access to lutes and some rudimentary woodwind instruments, not the electronic instruments and huge amplifiers we have today. Bad guitar music today can cringe out dozens of your neighbours in under a minute. There's just no way that can go unregulated.

    20 votes
    1. [3]
      papasquat
      Link Parent
      Those laws were written when lutes were state of the art technology that armies used to rock out with though! Now, the government has access to massive line array amps and high powered real time...

      Those laws were written when lutes were state of the art technology that armies used to rock out with though! Now, the government has access to massive line array amps and high powered real time audio processors. We need access to fat amps and nasty distortion pedals to prevent government tyranny.

      4 votes
      1. Fiachra
        Link Parent
        The auditory-industrial complex has done nothing but fuck up this world...

        The auditory-industrial complex has done nothing but fuck up this world...

        3 votes
      2. balooga
        Link Parent
        BUILD THAT WALL OF SOUND!

        BUILD THAT WALL OF SOUND!

        2 votes
    2. [4]
      PraiseTheSoup
      Link Parent
      I think if we just made everyone give up their electrics and only keep their zithers then there would be many fewer instances of ear rape.

      I think if we just made everyone give up their electrics and only keep their zithers then there would be many fewer instances of ear rape.

      2 votes
      1. [3]
        balooga
        Link Parent
        When you criminalize musical instruments, only criminals will have musical instruments.

        When you criminalize musical instruments, only criminals will have musical instruments.

        1 vote
        1. tomorrow-never-knows
          Link Parent
          It all starts with a shady character offering you a tin whistle then before you know it you're hooked on didgeridoos.

          It all starts with a shady character offering you a tin whistle then before you know it you're hooked on didgeridoos.

          2 votes
        2. Fiachra
          Link Parent
          They'll have to take my tuba from my cold dead hands

          They'll have to take my tuba from my cold dead hands

          1 vote
  2. moocow1452
    Link
    This could also be in ~society if you choose to interpret it as a metaphor for gun control, but I think too many musical instruments have been acquired immediately after a breakup for us to not...

    This could also be in ~society if you choose to interpret it as a metaphor for gun control, but I think too many musical instruments have been acquired immediately after a breakup for us to not consider the possibility of a cool down period for such purchases.

    13 votes
  3. knocklessmonster
    Link
    Guitar Center ran a background check for me to get my banjo, and made me take a folk music safety course.

    Guitar Center ran a background check for me to get my banjo, and made me take a folk music safety course.

    18 votes
  4. jredd23
    Link
    I swear, I just finished a show, and this is a perfectly written article in the Upside Down World. More and more I swear that I am in that world and I want to go back, to where, I don't know!

    I swear, I just finished a show, and this is a perfectly written article in the Upside Down World. More and more I swear that I am in that world and I want to go back, to where, I don't know!

    2 votes