13 votes

How to buy gifts that people actually want

18 comments

  1. [3]
    mat
    Link
    That chart is dreadfully sad. Nowhere does it mention whether the recipient liked the gift. If my aunt bought me some gloves (which she often does, and being a sailor she always buys top quality...

    That chart is dreadfully sad. Nowhere does it mention whether the recipient liked the gift. If my aunt bought me some gloves (which she often does, and being a sailor she always buys top quality outdoor gear) then I might have no idea what they cost but still like and appreciate having warm and dry hands.

    The estimated price of a gift is not a particularly useful metric, I don't think. Unless you're an economist, I suppose. What's that saying about knowing the price of everything but the value of nothing?

    That said I don't disagree that millions of $currency are wasted on gifts people don't want. All my friends and family already have everything they want that I could afford to buy them, and don't need any more crap in their houses. My closest friends operate on a random gifting system - if we see things the other person might like, we'll buy it and if it's near xmas/birthday, they'll get it then but it might just be a "hey it's thursday" present. It's nice because not only do you never know what you're getting or when, but when you do get something it's usually a good present.

    13 votes
    1. [2]
      tan
      Link Parent
      Excellent point! On the other hand, how much someone likes a gift is very hard to quantify, so the value-estimate stands in as a proxy. (of course, there's also another kind of value, which is...

      Excellent point! On the other hand, how much someone likes a gift is very hard to quantify, so the value-estimate stands in as a proxy. (of course, there's also another kind of value, which is that you think of the person who gave it to you, and the happy event which perhaps accompanied the giving, when you use it).

      2 votes
      1. mat
        Link Parent
        It is hard to quantify but they didn't even try. I don't think financial value is a meaningful stand-in for how good a gift is. It relies on people knowing what things cost, which if you don't pay...

        It is hard to quantify but they didn't even try. I don't think financial value is a meaningful stand-in for how good a gift is. It relies on people knowing what things cost, which if you don't pay attention to the price of things, you're unlikely to know.

        They could have just asked people to rate the gift on a scale of 1-10 based on how happy they were with it. I'd have also asked people to rank things like "would I have bought this for myself" and "do I think I'm going to use this or stick it in a drawer" and so on.

        5 votes
  2. [8]
    cfabbro
    (edited )
    Link
    In an otherwise interesting article, the above stuck out to me as the author painting with an overly broad and selfish brush. My immediate family and I have opted to giving gifts of charitable...

    Bonus: Nobody Actually Likes Charity Gifts

    Sadly, recipients are less grateful about virtuous charitable gifts than we would hope for. While they're good for the cause, they aren't that useful and don't confer any kind of ownership. They make the gift giver look good, but that's about it.

    If you want to give to charity (and you do, don't you?), then just give to charity. But don't think that anybody will actually like it as a gift.

    In an otherwise interesting article, the above stuck out to me as the author painting with an overly broad and selfish brush. My immediate family and I have opted to giving gifts of charitable donations in each others names this year precisely because we do actually like them, and feel they are far more valuable than being given more junk we don't really need. My parents chose the local food bank, and I went with médecins sans frontières/doctors without borders.

    The ownership point is also pretty outdated as well, IMO... since nowadays most charities that I know of offer letters of thanks, or some other form of acknowledgements, so the person you are donating on behalf of can feel more ownership over the donation. E.g. https://donate.doctorswithoutborders.org/tribute.cfm

    6 votes
    1. [5]
      streblo
      Link Parent
      It still ultimately strikes me as a gift the giver is getting themselves. I totally understand not wanting to get more junk and that the holiday season is over commercialized but I don't think the...

      It still ultimately strikes me as a gift the giver is getting themselves.

      I totally understand not wanting to get more junk and that the holiday season is over commercialized but I don't think the comparison is quite fair. Of course if I have to choose between literal junk I don't need and someone giving to charity I would choose charity. But ultimately a gift of any sort is a chance to demonstrate to someone how well you understand and appreciate them. By making the gift a principle act of yours you are making the gift about yourself. The truly selfless path here would be a separate, private charity donation and a small token or handmade gift actually directed at the recipient.

      7 votes
      1. [4]
        super_james
        Link Parent
        I think this says more about you & the writer though? A charitable gift would be a bad gift for you because you don't really want to give to charity & doubt the giver would pick a charity for you...

        I think this says more about you & the writer though? A charitable gift would be a bad gift for you because you don't really want to give to charity & doubt the giver would pick a charity for you not them.

        A charity gift to me — for a charity I value that the giver does not — would be ideal.

        2 votes
        1. [3]
          streblo
          Link Parent
          The fact that there is an implied "if you don't like this gift you don't like giving to charity" and that it seems that's how you managed to read "I don't really want to give to charity" from my...

          The fact that there is an implied "if you don't like this gift you don't like giving to charity" and that it seems that's how you managed to read "I don't really want to give to charity" from my post just illustrates my point even more. Of course there will be charitable gifts that make sense for certain recipients but in large that's not how these gifts are used IMO.

          1 vote
          1. [2]
            rosco
            Link Parent
            Piggybacking your comment. Sometimes charities have really backwards policy or strategy. A well known example is Greenpeace. People love Greenpeace. In reality their initiatives usually do more...

            Piggybacking your comment. Sometimes charities have really backwards policy or strategy. A well known example is Greenpeace. People love Greenpeace. In reality their initiatives usually do more harm than good. (i.e. damaging the Nazca lines, planting 1,000,000 trees in Ecuador only to find out they were invasive eucalyptus that killed native species and suppressed regrowth). I'm all for giving to non-profits, but I want to do my homework because a number charities make little to zero impact. Just food for thought.

            2 votes
            1. cfabbro
              (edited )
              Link Parent
              They do? Since when? According to YouGov's latest polling Greenpeace has a less than 50% positive opinion rating, and a nearly 20% negative opinion rating, and I have heard nothing but criticism...

              People love Greenpeace.

              They do? Since when? According to YouGov's latest polling Greenpeace has a less than 50% positive opinion rating, and a nearly 20% negative opinion rating, and I have heard nothing but criticism about them and their tactics most of my life. IMO they are up there with PETA in being one of the worst, most widely criticized, and despised NGOs out there.

    2. elcuello
      Link Parent
      I appreciate how your family is handling it but I think he's right on the money with charity gifts and most people just don't want to admit it. Quite frankly I find them boring and useless... in a...

      I appreciate how your family is handling it but I think he's right on the money with charity gifts and most people just don't want to admit it. Quite frankly I find them boring and useless... in a Christmas setting to be clear. Not the act itself. It's selfish and I acknowledge that but it's true.

      5 votes
    3. mrbig
      Link Parent
      I believe your case is an exception because your entire family made an arrangement to exchange charity gifts. If everyone got “real” gifts and a single person got a charity gift, said person might...

      I believe your case is an exception because your entire family made an arrangement to exchange charity gifts. If everyone got “real” gifts and a single person got a charity gift, said person might feel disappointed.

      2 votes
  3. [3]
    mrbig
    (edited )
    Link
    What’s so wrong with asking? That’s what I do. It doesn’t detract from the experience because I always know how to deceive the other person so in the end they’re so full of counter information...

    What’s so wrong with asking? That’s what I do. It doesn’t detract from the experience because I always know how to deceive the other person so in the end they’re so full of counter information that they just give up on guessing. And the information from the answer is something I use as a starting point, this doesn’t mean I’ll buy exactly what they’re asking. Other than that, just keep your eyes open, cause people give all kinds of clues regarding what they desire, especially near gift giving occasions.

    If we’re talking about a young person, just give them cash. Chances are you’ll never truly understand their universe. That’s what I used to get and not once complained or felt it was cold and distant. I used to love cash (most adults still do! Hahaha), it was the perfect gift for a broke teenager.

    It’s really not that hard.

    6 votes
    1. [2]
      tan
      Link Parent
      Agreed, asking is a great way to avoid disappointment. I think a lot of what you're saying is actually quite similar to what the article recommends :)

      Agreed, asking is a great way to avoid disappointment. I think a lot of what you're saying is actually quite similar to what the article recommends :)

      ...Ask Them What They Want

      It seems obvious, but this is often the best way to get people gifts that they actually want. Many avoid this tactic because it diminishes the surprise/wow factor of the moment of exchange, but that's not actually important apart from your own fleeting enjoyment.

      3 votes
      1. mrbig
        Link Parent
        Oh yeah totally, I missed/forgot that somehow. Sorry about that.

        Oh yeah totally, I missed/forgot that somehow. Sorry about that.

        1 vote
  4. [2]
    nothis
    Link
    That was an oddly complicated article. What tends to work for me is simple: In the month(s) leading up to Christmas, Birthdays, etc, make mental notes whenever the person you'll be gifting...

    That was an oddly complicated article. What tends to work for me is simple: In the month(s) leading up to Christmas, Birthdays, etc, make mental notes whenever the person you'll be gifting mentions something they'd like but do not have. It happens more often than you think, in genuine casual conversation (like I don't even think it's a "hint, HINT!" situation and even if it is, what does it matter?). Look for things that are juuust absurd enough for people to not actually buy them for themselves. Something they don't really need but that would be nice to have.

    I used to get really nervous about gifting (since gifting doesn't have a huge tradition in my family outside toys for kids and such, so it always feels a tiny bit awkward) but this method helps me to always have something prepared and not feel bad about it. Price, btw, is basically irrelevant.

    5 votes
    1. Cycloneblaze
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      Lately I always write down whenever people who I expect to be buying gifts for mention something they want. It does happen surprisingly often now that I think about it. I've built up a good list...

      Lately I always write down whenever people who I expect to be buying gifts for mention something they want. It does happen surprisingly often now that I think about it. I've built up a good list of potential gifts now! it's very easy to do.

      Of course, if you're buying something for someone you haven't talked to very often (a family member who you haven't met since last year for... certain obvious reasons, for example?) this way is more difficult.

      2 votes
  5. tan
    Link
    I found the chart about halfway through quite interesting - on average, the perceived value of a gift is always lower than the actual price! Only with very close relationships (significant other,...

    I found the chart about halfway through quite interesting - on average, the perceived value of a gift is always lower than the actual price! Only with very close relationships (significant other, friend) is the "yield" above 90%.

    2 votes
  6. rosco
    Link
    There was a post in the ultralight community on reddit that addressed this pretty well. It's worth a read.

    There was a post in the ultralight community on reddit that addressed this pretty well. It's worth a read.

    1 vote