Switching from short-term/immediate thinking, to long-term thinking
What I mean by short/immediate thinking vs. long-term.. let's take the experience of learning a new skill (for example, riding a bike). In the beginning, the skill is difficult as you're carving out those new neural pathways in your mind. It's grating, unnatural, uncomfortable. It seems that the rational way to think about this experience is "yes, it feels uncomfortable right now, but if I keep attempting this, eventually the discomfort will lessen, and it will get easier. It won't be like this forever." For myself (and I assume some others?), I instead get stuck in a mindset of only seeing the present moment: "this sucks and therefore it will always suck!" Yeah, I can catch myself thinking this way and correct it to consider the long-term, but that's not my default. My default is short term, now, only now.
You could expand this to so many things: enduring temporary struggles and not letting them get you down (the situation isn't permanent, it will change), not partaking in addictive behaviors (deciding not to do something that might feel good, because you're considering the long term consequences), procrastination... list goes on and on. To me, it always seems rational to consider long term impact of your actions. If you don't, it seems you're blowing off this entire swath of information which could/should inform your decisions in the present moment.
On the flipside, I'm not saying you should only think of the future and disregard the present... just when making decisions, it seems better to consider both, that's all..
I have been trying for 10 months to change this about myself, yet I continue to slip back into this pattern of constant "now" thinking. I know it leads to irrational decisions. I'd love to hear others thoughts on this. Have you struggled with this? If so, how did you manage to overcome these thinking patterns? For anyone: are you more naturally a "now" thinker, or are you lucky enough to naturally consider the long-term, or maybe you bounce between both? I have no idea if this is a common experience, or if it means something is inherently irrational about the way I think.
I've mentioned this elsewhere, but to me a key bit of wisdom that has stuck with me is "There are some things one is glad to do, and some things one is glad to have done."
Looking at things through this framework basically provides three buckets to classify things into by the time horizon of the benefit: the "glad to do" short-term, the "glad to have done" long-term, and the neither one with zero benefit.
For example, something like pushing through the awkward part to learn a new skill like you'd mentioned falls into the "glad to have done" bucket. It's uncomfortable now, but down the road one will be glad to have done it.
Likewise, an addictive behavior may be a "glad to do" in the near-term, but resisting it can be a "glad to have done". I.e., sticking with water instead of drinking a soda.
So ultimately, the way I like to frame these sorts decisions is to ask myself if I'll be glad to have done it.
Thanks for sharing this. I enjoy this paradigm, and it sounds incredibly useful. I think my limitation (and I wonder if it happens to others) is that I don't even seem to get that far with my thinking. It doesn't dawn on me to think about the different buckets and ask myself what's the rational decision. I just get so stuck on the moment, it's as though it blinds me to anything else.
It sounds to me like you do naturally consider the long term in your decision making, or maybe even your assessment of the current situation, and you even have a useful want to conceptualize it. I think this is a wonderful thing. I am certain this serves you well in many ways in life. Was it always this way for you, or did you have to shift your thinking towards considering the future?
That said - I think your example might be really helpful in shifting the thinking, because it provides a nice visual way of thinking about this, rather than just abstract concepts of time. I will try this out.
It's admittedly fairly natural for me. I got into computer programming at a very young age, which has shaped a lot of my world view. I spend a lot of time thinking through the potential consequences of different things. And in my professional life, some of the things that I've worked on before and am working on now are the kinds of things that often don't see the major payoff for a few years. (But it's all the more fun when they finally get revealed to the world!)
That said, I definitely have my short-term vices. :-)
It's interesting you tie programming to this. I've also been programming for a very long time, and never made that association. In fact, I think it sort of does me bad occasionally.. as though I'm in constant debugging mode, and trying to hold the current context so I can solve that immediate problem. Sounds like you are in the more advanced software architecture and roadmap mode. I envy this (in a positive way, that words seems to have negative connotations.) That you've had projects that took years to payoff is probably a useful reinforcement of this.
I do this as well, but more in the form of active problem solving, vs. just going on about my day to day life. Guess it's the only place I do it. And yes, I attribute programming to that as well now that I think about it. Very interesting. Taken to its extreme, this can cause its own set of problems, by the way (taking away spontaneity because you want to think out all possible consequences before you take actions.)
I've had the opposite realisation? I naturally do tend to think long term and make decisions off of that. But then I realise that that sometimes that paralyses me. Because any decision you make now affects this hypothetical long term future.
But the world and so many things in life are unpredictable and sometimes you still get blindsided with surprises and you have to rework your plan. But then you get stressed out over the future again and you have no idea whether life or the world will shift unexpectedly again.
I have also sometimes hurt myself more by powering through things. I always think I have to improve. I always think if I put myself through this discomfort, it will be better for me in the long run. But often there have been consequences from powering through too much that it backfires and I get worse.
After my first therapy session, my therapist realised that about me and when I asked her what I could do outside of this session, she said she wanted me to do nothing. Stop trying to force yourself to improve. Learn to be comfortable with who you are now.
Many life things happened after that and I learned to just sometimes make decisions for the now. What would help now? If you don't get through the present, how are you going to get to the future?
The future might be fucked (or not) , but I don't know that yet and there's nothing I can do about it now but take it one step at a time.
But of course, it's a delicate balance. You need a little bit of both.
Have a general idea of what you want long term, and take steps that would generally lead you in that direction. But if you need a detour for the present, that's fine too.
You should put yourself through uncomfortable things sometimes too. But also learn when that is too much and pull yourself back. It's okay to rest from time to time.
Basically, I think we came to the same conclusion. Just from different ends.
Very interesting to read someone who had the opposite problem. I have never been a fan of the blanket idea "everything with balance", but in this case, I do think it applies.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on one thing... so one of the big problems I have with my thinking, is that when I encounter temporary hardships, things that are really kicking my ass, I easily get stuck feeling it will last forever. (I don't actually think it, I don't really think anything about it.. but it is how I respond to it. I respond in such a way as though the situation is permanent) I feel this would be changed by thinking more in the long term (because in the back of my mind I'd be thinking "it will pass".) Seeing as you had the opposite problem - was this something you experienced?
I have ADHD so every moment of my life is "now o'clock." I was that kid who would take one cookie now at the expense of three cookies later.
The only thing that has ever stuck with me is the concept of the dark playground. The dark playground is that place you find yourself when you're doing something you know you shouldn't be doing, like playing video games when you should be doing the dishes. It's not a fun playground. It's a distraction, it might even feel good in some way, but that's outweighed by the building shame and guilt, plus you still have the original task hanging over your head when you get off the playground.
Once I read about the dark playground, I started catching myself in it all the time, playing but not having any fun. Now, I just can't do it. I avoid the dark playground completely. And when I do occasionally catch myself having fallen into that "fun but not fun" feeling, I can't help but stop immediately. I just know that whatever I want to do will be more deeply enjoyable if I first take care of what I have to do.
Interesting, I had no clue that folks with ADHD deal with this. I suppose that makes sense though, if you are hyper-focused on a situation. I'm glad you have found some visualization that has helped you out here.
I'm starting to realize that perhaps awareness (like what you have for the situation) is the way to change this. I keep wanting it to be a black and white thing (either I think this way or I don't), but maybe it's a gradual progression towards thinking about it, and all of these sort of visualization techniques can help in getting there.
Definitely. If you continuously read on the topic, something will eventually stick with you. You'll find a quote or metaphor that feels like it was made just for you and your life.
The dark playground concept truly changed my life and behavior. Funny enough I just stumbled upon it on Reddit one day when I wasn't particularly looking. It made sense so I followed up and learned more about it. Maybe the most consequential paragraph I've read in my life actually.
And yeah, ADHD is a blessing and a curse. There is a meme that I think describes it best. It shows a person wishing on a Monkey's paw, saying something like, "I want to be super creative, come up with brilliant solutions to difficult problems, be able to focus on one thing until i figure it out, and have unending curiosity."
The monkey's paw then says, "Okay, but you can never do any of it on command" and gives the guy ADHD. That's the gist of the meme anyway.
That is ADHD for sure. Never being able to do what you have to when you should, and instead being awesome at doing it when you shouldn't.
Firstly, I'm am extremely anxious person. If my plan is to learn to ride a bike tomorrow, my brain's default thinking is more "what if you fall off?", "are you going to learn correctly?", "what if this is a waste of time, you could be doing some thing better?"
All horrible to battle and I've managed to get better at ignoring it more so than changing the default behaviour.
More to the point of long term vs short term thinking, until I was 28 I was very much a day to day, blow by blow kind of person. I was asked a lot what my goals were and my plans but I always struggled to answer. Same with skills and hobbies, I just did stuff because I wanted to at the time, not really for any long term gain. I was well know in my friend group for giving up things after 3 months.
I then had what I felt was a pretty major life changing event happen which I'm not entirely comfortable talking about here, but it was a positive experience, and after that my mindset shifted a great deal towards the long term. It felt very clear what mattered to me, what I wanted and how I could achieve it and I feel much better for it.
Albeit it didn't do anything for my anxiety but you win some and lose some!
I guess my advice is keep an open mind and keep healthy. Try new hobbies and meet new people. The older I get the more I think that we (especially younger generations) spend too much time analysing and not enough time enjoying life.
Thanks for sharing this. The interesting thing is that I do have long term goals, and I do know what's important to me. But somehow, even in the implementation of those goals, I get so stuck in the current moment. For example, say the long-term goal is broken into 100 "mini-steps". I will be working on one step, and if that step is going poorly, I get so broken up about it, rather than thinking "there is a bigger picture to consider, and this is only one tiny step". It's almost as though long-term goals are some abstract thing and so get put into one bucket of thinking, whereas actions in the moment get put into some other bucket of thinking. For whatever reason, those sets don't seem to interact, and I seem to be able to go about my life, maintaining these disjoint sets. The more I write this stuff out, the more I realize perhaps there is some fundamental error in the way I think.
It's interesting to hear how a major life event had that drastic impact on your way of thinking. This sheds a different light on things. So often I find myself trying to change the ways I think, as though brute forcing it is the only way. However, major life events, or even just new experiences have the capacity to change the way we think without us even trying. Excellent to remember that. Almost like, never forget that life has the potential to surprise you, I guess.
I'm sorry that I keep bringing the responses back to myself, I don't intend to do that, but writing this out has been very helpful, thanks for giving me the opportunity to do so. I also don't know if it's helpful to others to say my own thought process (because maybe they will relate and have a similar problem).
Thanks for writing out your thoughts! I've been really fascinated by how others think the last few years and it's very interesting to read how you process your thoughts like that.
I agree that writing it out/explaining it helps a lot! I've been talking about thoughts and feelings with my friends and family and it's been a wonderful experience.
You're bang on the money with the experience brings new ways of thinking. Personally, I think the easiest way to get stuck in the same mindset is doing nothing and over thinking it! Do something and learn, see how it changes your view.
This might not come easily to many people, but I have always found great joy from learning something new, especially in the beginning. For me, this joy comes from seeing fast results, from watching myself improve at a very high rate, from doing things correctly for the first time ever.
I don't remember learning to ride a bike, but I learned to surf a little later. That first time you catch a wave feels great, the first time standing up on the board feels absolutely euphoric, and the feeling you get the first time you turn the board, steer it exactly where you want it and actually deliberately ride the wave... is so addicting, you end up chasing it for the next years. And it's even better when experienced together with other people.
And of course, this doesn't only apply to surfing, or even sports. Learning to play guitar or to speak French works exactly the same way. You struggle, you fail, but suddenly you find flow, and everything is much easier.
So, maybe try to enjoy the process? Give yourself time, and allow yourself to feel joy/pride at succeeding at something you've never done before?
Thank you. You're correct, it does feel nice when you make a little breakthrough when learning new things. For myself, when I then hit the difficult parts or the parts I'm struggling with, I end up focusing on those and forgetting the little triumphs. Perhaps I am just too much of a pessimist. I appreciate you sharing this, I will keep this in mind, and will remember to enjoy the process.
I am really good at the first wave, but I struggle so much with the downturn when I start trying to actually use correct technique or thought process. The classic example for me personally is the first time I try cooking something new and somewhat ambitious, it usually comes out quite good and then I can never make it again that level. It might just be my own expectations of how I remember it tasting (ie pleasantly surprised), but there are definitely objective factors for a lot of recipes that just don't turn out the same. I don't know why I can't make my dutch babies puff up nearly as much as the first one I made.