Does anyone else take other people's negativity pretty badly?
For some reason I don't really have much issues with most things if I'm by myself, but when there's someone else (either irl or online) venting about the issue at hand, another issue or their own issues in a super negative way it always brings me down so hard.
Like, if I were watching the news and there was something about a murder or something on, I would watch and think "that's bad" but move on pretty quickly, but if you check for comments on the news online it's all super misanthropic and pessimistic shit about how the world being a vile place, etc, and funnily enough that's the thing that triggers far more of a reaction that the issue at hand itself.
Similarly, if I read all sorts of comments of people online about stuff like "hope being a joke", "life being a piece of shit", "humanity being a disease", etc, I feel all anxious and hopeless until it eventually just fades from my attention or if I see someone argue the opposite.
I've also always heard people in school complain about this or that, and I just... do it and shut up about it? Sure, I complain too sometimes, but overall I don't really got bogged down into a swamp of darkness like that.
This is really making me want to severely cut my internet usage since it's like this on an almost daily basis, though I'm not really in the position to do this atm since I don't have a job, education or anything else so this is like my main source of socializing. But I'm definitely going to go through with it once I get back into the flow of things.
Does anyone else have this problem?
I'll give you an example of one negative youtube channel that both bums me out, but I also find kinda liberating a bit after watching.
Some More News, the most recent episode I watched. It covers all of the most depressing news, clustering topics together to make a more coherent narrative than what you get with the 24/7 news cycle. It's also super depressing and negative, because it is filled with rage and sadness regarding these events. I personally think it's justified given the subject matters covered, but it definitely bums me out for a few hours while I digest. But afterwards, it's cathartic, because I now have a more coherent understanding of how everything is fitting together.
Conversely, Philosophy Tube is very positive. That video is covering Jordan Peterson's latest book in the kindest light possible. But after I digest her content a few hours later, I sometimes have a small existential crisis.
There's this duality at play, where positivity can have opposite the intended effect. The recent trend of "uplifting" stories bum me out more, because while there is humanity in them, there's also this dark undercurrent for why they needed uplifting in the first place. Like neighbors buying an old man a new lawnmower so he can keep mowing their lawns to pay his bills. Or people getting their medical bills crowdfunded.
The negativity in the news, specifically the focus on violent crime and not systemic issues, strikes me more as fearmongering than actually news. It's a lot easier to keep people subservient when they're afraid.
This is a major problem, I think. I have noticed that the majority of these news story come from local TV news stations, which we know have been largely bought up by Sinclair Media. I can’t help but think every time I see this that it’s just there to drive people towards reactionary politics.
I notice this too, I wouldn't say all uplifting/positive news is like this, but this is why I generally avoid places that actively go out of their way to be as "healing" and positive as possible, it only makes it more apparent that there's kind of a negative background to it.
Loosely related, but I also find it kinda depressing when I hear people talk about their hobbies as escapism, it makes it sound like they actually don't give a single damn about the hobby itself but moreso that it functions as a sort of coping mechanism for them, and also the fact that they even need one in the first place is kinda like the same issue I have with the example you mentioned. It's indirect pessimism.
I prefer escapism moreso than monetization... video games in particular serve that escapism for me. I see so many people trying to turn their hobbies into their jobs, and many lose their passion for their hobby as a result.
Then again, if you use something as escapism, isn't that basically saying "I normally wouldn't bother with this but I need to use it as a crutch and therefore spend time on it, but in an ideal situation I would be doing something else"?
That's not how I interpret it when I hear hobbies being referenced as escapism. I've certainly heard escapism used in that way though.
In reference to a hobby, the meaning I think is implied is:
"I have this thing that I do that I enjoy, that is unrelated to my job, and the only demands related to it are the ones I choose to place on myself. When I engage in it, I find it easy to enjoy myself, and able to forget or ignore the troubles and concerns of the rest of my life."
I think one of the important components to a good (and healthy) hobby being used as escapism, is that someone engages in it even when they're already feeling good.
Having something to do that brings happiness when you're already happy or neutral allows it to be a bastion when you're feeling bad.
I used to watch The Daily Show and all of its spin-offs (Samantha Bee, John Oliver, etc.). I find them funny, but when Trump came into office, every story was about whatever horrible thing he was doing that week, and I, too, had to just stop. I haven't gone back to watching them because the news cycles over the past 4 years have been so damaging, and I feel so much better not having a constant running list of shit in the world.
As for your internet usage, you don't have to quit using the internet, just quit reading other people's opinions of the world. You can read that news story and digest it, but why read the comments? How does knowing Joe from Rapid City's opinion on a police shooting help you? I would avoid the echo chambers like Twitter and Facebook, or find some way to curate the negative things out of them in your personal feed if you can.
And keep in mind, for some people (and I get this way myself sometimes), complaining about stuff is helpful. I remember when Bush Jr. got elected, and I was really pissed off about it. I spent a lot of time complaining about it partly because the news just kind of glossed over his very obvious conflicts of interest and bad things his administration was doing, and I just felt like, "Am I the only one seeing this? How is this not a major scandal? Why isn't anyone on the news talking about these very obviously bad things that are happening? Especially after they went nuts about the previous guy sleeping around? These are issues that actually affect us!" Going online and seeing that other people saw it, too, was extremely helpful in giving me hope. But it's not for everyone and I can see how it could make someone feel miserable reading all that. In fact, I think that's me, now.
Yeah, I think it's just a sort of bad habit or automatic thing, but it's indeed a good idea to cut that out.
...and who knows, maybe I'm subconsciously a masochist or something.
I once had a discussion (on Google+, anyone remember it?) about how depressing John Oliver was. "What good does it do?" I asked the person, and she reminded me that Oliver's show often takes action and sets up funds and other awareness-raising thi,ngs that actually may bring positive results.
Yeah, humans amplify the negative. It's an evolutionary trait. But we're not cave dwellers anymore, we are rarely under any real threat that justifies this bias.
I am also affected by people's negativity. This usually happens when I'm around people that follow the news a bit too closely, especially via television. TV news is so melodramatic they should get awards for drama series...
We can only deal with a certain amount of information without our brains turning to mush. After a point it's all noise.
I don't need to know of every single murder, scandal, or COVID death. I'm more than fine reading the summaries later on. The world won't stop turning because I don't know what's going on in San Francisco, Morocco or Saudi Arabia this week.
Generally, no. That said, last night I watched the Adam Toledo video shortly before bed, and then dreamt about a police officer shooting a black woman on a surfboard that night. The dream was essentially her falling off the board into the water, over and over, on a loop throughout part of the night.
Normally these things don't affect me at all, but I guess a child being shot did.
This is only my opinion, so take it if it works for you.
I used to be strongly affected by other people's moods. I wouldn't be able to do much if someone in the room was feeling a "negative" feeling. I would try and fix it sometimes. Now I know it's just better to listen.
Side bar: I dislike describing feelings/moods as "negative" and "positive". I feel that all feelings should be viewed as just that: feelings. When we call certain feelings "negative", I feel that it furthers the stigmatization of these "negative" emotions (anger, sadness, frustration, depressed, etc.) and tells us to be ashamed to feel those feelings or vocalize those feelings. I prefer to view feelings as indicators. I'm angry. Why am I angry? Because I've felt an injustice. How can I proactively meet or deal with this feeling? Have a done enough of my own emotional work to respond or act constructively? I have a view where my feelings are valid and there was some sort of evolutionary incentive for them: to tell me something that can lead to a possible action. Now that we are pretty safe from predators, it's our responsibility to regulate our own emotions (and lend help to those if we have the energy/expertise to) so that they don't over-react in an unhealthy manner.
After doing some of my own emotional work, I realized why I am so effected by other people's emotions and why other people may be affected by my emotions. I found 2 things. 1. The way I was raised made me feel responsible for other people's emotions. I was told to put others instead of myself (most females are taught this). I was raised in a house with emotionally unstable parents, so I was always on alert to make sure everything was good to avoid an outburst from them. 2. People are stuck in their own brains. How they react to the world is a projection of how they see the world. When someone is reacting however they react, it's an indication on their thought process. So, when someone doesn't like something that I did, for example, and they get super frustrated, I see it as a projection of their own thought process. I did something that they hate about themselves. (Should I hate this thing about me as they hate it of me?) Dare I say: when another person is having a "negative" emotion, we get angry at them because we hate ourselves for having that negative emotion? So we perhaps are projecting? We may even say they are ungrateful for all the lovely things that are happening to them. What I'm saying, we sometimes use other people as mirrors for ourselves. I mean, we see the world through our own eyes and brain. So, all that we experience is in our own brain. So, if another person's emotions or actions is bothering us, it's more like it's reminding us of an experience that is trying to tell us something. Go deeper. What's that experience telling you? (for males: is it remind you that you are taught not to have emotions, that emotions are weak, that you are around a weak person, that it's reminding you that you are weak).
What helps me: understanding that other people's emotions belong to them. I recently started volunteering at a cat adoption center. Being around all these cats, I learned not to take hormones, emotions or personality traits personally. Sometimes a cat be on one. Maybe something happened to them that I wasn't around to witness that's effecting them. Maybe they were abused. Why should I internalize and feel responsible for every emotion/personality trait/action of another being? Hand the responsibility back to them. Be yourself and your best self that you can. Be the person the cat can trust. Show them by example. If I start feeling responsibility for every action/emotion of another being, it leads to codependency. Hand the emotion back. Question why you are having an emotion or why you're reacting to another person's emotion. I've learned a lot more about myself that way and I'm a lot less reactive when other people have a "negative" emotion. And, going all the way to "positive" emotion, I can't chase that extreme either, I love drugs too much to chase those. You guessed it: it's better to be centered/it's about that balance.