Mullin's recent activity
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Comment on The Buff Scammer, isolation, and the male loneliness epidemic in ~life.men
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Comment on The Buff Scammer, isolation, and the male loneliness epidemic in ~life.men
Mullin Link ParentIf you're going to use crime and perpetrator statistics, specifically around sexual assault as some kind of justification for bigotry(and definitionally, treating all men as potential threats...If you're going to use crime and perpetrator statistics, specifically around sexual assault as some kind of justification for bigotry(and definitionally, treating all men as potential threats based on those statistics is in fact bigoted) is literally no different than taking it one step further and saying since black men are overrepresented as perpetrators of sexual assault, that women should be more wary of them. Or that white or Asian women should be less wary because they are less likely to be victims of sexual assault comparatively compared to black women. Whether or not this is the fault of systemic racism or not has no basis in your so called generalization in pursuit of "harm reduction" and pointing to statistics, whether that be crime, or socioeconomic status, or intelligence, or any other attribute true or not that is ascribed whole cloth to a demographic based solely on them being a member of that demographic through no choice of their own is morally wrong. I feel like you're trying to handwave your own logic because you, like me, find the idea of telling people to be careful around specific ethnic groups to be racist, which it is.
If you want to talk about it from the perspective of systemic racism why don't you also mention systemic sexism? How men are incarcerated and prosecuted at a significantly higher rate than women, so it's definitionally skewed those 93% statistics, or how women perpetrated childhood sex abuse is notoriously played down, or how women receive lighter sentences for the same crimes, all of this because of cultural biases that men are more violent, or less worthy of empathy, or whatever have you. It cuts both ways, and I dislike it in all forms. Statistics is observation, with all the inherent bias that comes along with that. When the vast majority of men are not predators, it's ridiculous to paint them all and make all of them suffer based on these preconceived notions and general persecution of their personhood and their sexuality. The exact same ridiculousness that makes people view women only based on their beauty, or youth, or how ""feminine"" they are, it's bullshit there too! The solution is not more stereotyping!
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Comment on The Buff Scammer, isolation, and the male loneliness epidemic in ~life.men
Mullin Link ParentIt's still wrong to generalize groups of people based on statistics. Whether those statistics bear anything out. Should we be teaching women to be more careful around certain ethnic backgrounds of...It's still wrong to generalize groups of people based on statistics. Whether those statistics bear anything out. Should we be teaching women to be more careful around certain ethnic backgrounds of men? Would that be ok with you? I don't think I would be ok doing that. There's harm reduction and there is straight up discrimination, or racism. Those aren't defensible because of ""statistics "" that's a right wing talking point
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Comment on Can AI rescue us from the mess of prior auth? in ~health
Mullin Link ParentI think it's about incremental steps. It's obviously always going to be a fight as long as private healthcare exists, it may even be a fight when/if we ever got single payer, but I don't think...I think it's about incremental steps. It's obviously always going to be a fight as long as private healthcare exists, it may even be a fight when/if we ever got single payer, but I don't think it's wrong to try to incentivize better payment arrangements that put patients wellness or outcomes first, even if they can be games. It's really about what ends up with the best outcomes, and frankly the situations being so bad (like your example) is because healthcare in the US is just insanely expensive, frankly it's astounding how cheap some services end up being, even if they'd make someone in another country blush. We ended up paying maybe 2k total for my daughter's birth, which was a full on surgery and had 4 days inpatient.... it's crazy that just the salaries of everyone in the operating suite for that time period easily exceeded our out of pocket costs, not including the post-op stay or the medications/equipment. Healthcare is in the US......somewhat a load bearing labor sector, and we pay for that. Our MDs, Nurses, technicians all make above median income in the US, and would be considered some of the highest earners around in EU. I don't really know where I was going with this. But I think that working within the confines of our existing bad system is still the right path forward. The median American would rather pay more money out of their paycheck than ever vote for single payer :/
For reference and to disclose CoI, I work in health insurance and have worked in healthcare for over 15 years, including hospitals and doctors offices and I've been on every single side of prior authorization, and every line of business including capitated Medicare advantage affordable care organizations (including ones UHC bought) as well as commercial and currently Medicaid. People are trying to make things better at every level, but it's working against a tide :/
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Comment on Refusing LinkedIn's ID verification is costing me my job in ~tech
Mullin Link ParentQuite possible they are in recruiting and required to use the platform to engage with candidates etcQuite possible they are in recruiting and required to use the platform to engage with candidates etc
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~life.men
Mullin LinkI think people are missing the point as to the why: sure. Insecurities are definitely a part of it, body acceptance is another, and general body dysphoria, things that impact people of all...I think people are missing the point as to the why: sure. Insecurities are definitely a part of it, body acceptance is another, and general body dysphoria, things that impact people of all morphologies shapes and sizes.
There are actual, real costs for not meeting societies ideals of attractive, or normal, and I don't think that they can be handwaved. If you are a short man, or a fat anybody, or an ugly anybody, it impacts romantic prospects, job prospects, how seriously people take you. There are definitely observed differences, that said I don't think limb lengthening is the way forward just due to how insanely disruptive it is, but I can at least understand it. I'm lucky enough that despite being a short man 5'5, I'm still more or less the same height or taller than most women, but given how common preferences are for not just "6ft+" but especially "taller than me" for cishet women that if you were say 5ft even, I could easily see it adversely affecting both your mental health and your romantic and professional success, that's unfortunately how it goes. I think perspective and mindfulness can help but it's easy for me to say as I got married before the influx of dating apps and egregious standards. Not that I necessarily but the exact numbers, but iirc it's something like every additional centimeter of height gets you ~1.3% more income, all other things being equal. I've noticed the shift to remote work (as I've mentioned before on Tildes) seriously helped my career as my height was no longer obvious. And I could see how that would hurt others who may have a stutter or speech impediment, too, humans are just brutal at judging based on observed behaviors, and rarely in the positive direction.
I'm not sure this will change anytime soon, so I guess I hope the technology improves and the people who feel they need this can go through it with less pain and complications.
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Comment on On being attractive in ~life
Mullin Link ParentIt's crazy, and I've talked to people about it before: when I worked in person, I almost never got a high level of respect, or that I could tell especially women workers didn't really take me...It's crazy, and I've talked to people about it before: when I worked in person, I almost never got a high level of respect, or that I could tell especially women workers didn't really take me seriously, some of it was that I was young, but a non-zero amount is because I'm short for a guy (5'5) I don't have any complex about this, nor do I really care especially at work.
When I switched to remote work......world of difference, it's insane, I've been promoted more, taken seriously, respected, I would like to say I'm a good worker, I think I probably am but nothing exceptional. But with my exposure to others being limited to my voice and my face, which I think I have a fairly attractive face, especially when viewed dead on, it's just so different I get whiplash. What's funny is a lot of my coworkers once I started working remote....almost all of them are also short lol. When I was in person all the higher ups that were male were typically 6ft+, it's just insane how much an impact it has. Just wanted to piggyback my anecdote on your point on how it affects career.
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Comment on Made in Abyss anime to be continued in new series of movies in ~anime
Mullin Link ParentMaybe I'm going out on a limb here, and I'm probably biased because I absolutely fucking love Made in Abyss, but the designs making it really uncomfortable really drives home why the world...Maybe I'm going out on a limb here, and I'm probably biased because I absolutely fucking love Made in Abyss, but the designs making it really uncomfortable really drives home why the world building is so great. It's one of the few series that really drives home that this is a fantasy world, with not only fantasy physics, or reality, but completely alien moral systems to our own. It's why arguably, Bondrewd is a moral character in the world of MiA. Even with the other white whistles, almost all of whom are questionable by our standards, with many basically being living Gods and revered as such. Made in Abyss is like an even more extreme version of Greek mythology, with even more fucked up happenings (from our moral perspective). To me it makes it exceptionally fascinating. I get that not everyone is going to be able to stomach it, but I'm glad it exists.
And for the record, in case people are seriously underestimating the discomfort here: I am 99% sure that the author specifically is into both children being tortured or abused, as well as really a lot of peeing themselves. This comes through in the story. I don't think that makes the story bad, if anything I would have been shocked if any author could write Made in Abyss the way it is without having a specific kink it was in service of. It reminds me of how people praise Kobayashi Dragon maid, and then will make a comment like "yeah but the straight shots part is really disconcerting" and it's like yeah, it is, but that's the author's fetish lol, he has another series that's just straight up straight shota(""of legal age but drawn ya know""). Sometimes the good parts come with the authors weird proclivities, I can live with that, personally.
Anyways, Made in Abyss is amazing, and I have been impressed consistently with both the creativity of the world building and the consistency with which the world's moral systems exist, really excited for more of the manga to be adapted.
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Comment on Debate has erupted in Denmark over the fate of a mermaid statue that is to be removed from public view after being decried as “ugly and pornographic” in ~arts
Mullin LinkGlad the article includes a dissenting point, while I think the breasts are a bit too much, and a bit too I guess, "spherical" for my liking of realism, it's not like the statue is that bad,...Glad the article includes a dissenting point, while I think the breasts are a bit too much, and a bit too I guess, "spherical" for my liking of realism, it's not like the statue is that bad, notably I really like how normal the face is, compared to art that has a more neotenous facial anatomy (especially for women). I don't really see much wrong with it, even if it's not to my tastes. I think calling it pornographic just because it has barely breasts is definitely a bridge too far
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Comment on Why are integrated batteries so accepted? in ~tech
Mullin LinkI think other people have made good points, but I think one of the other largest issues is simply: replaceability requires a standard form factor and battery availability. For many devices with...I think other people have made good points, but I think one of the other largest issues is simply: replaceability requires a standard form factor and battery availability. For many devices with different form factors this would be cost prohibitive, and who would stock them? For things like flashlights they are built around existing standards like 18650 or 21700, readily available form factors used in a lot of other, larger battery packs, and it's not as if you could buy one at the grocery store like you can with AAs. I think proprietary batteries like cameras etc are almost as bad as non-replaceable, so considering many devices need the former I don't think it'd be much improvement from consumer perspective. I'm just glad modern batteries don't degrade like old ones used to.
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Comment on I have no idea to advance in my career toward data science in ~tech
Mullin LinkI'm probably not that helpful, since largely my current position is in more or less the same ballpark as you, but nonetheless...I think tools of data science can be applied to what you're working...I'm probably not that helpful, since largely my current position is in more or less the same ballpark as you, but nonetheless...I think tools of data science can be applied to what you're working on, and being able to pursue them on your own terms can be relieving as you get into them. Get RStudio or Python/anaconda, and just start small. Start using them to answer questions about your data, or get insights, or just start running tests or looking at distributions, whatever you feel like. The point is to practice data science, don't expect to know all of it, or even necessarily get anything valuable right away, but I think there is value. And knowing how to use the tools and build models will be how you'll eventually land a data scientist role. It took multiple positions at work of me slowly increasing in seniority as an analyst/consultant, and I always wanted to do more data science, and now not only am I able to do it, but I've opened the door for my whole department to dabble in it, and we're starting to make progress and mentor each other. I think finance is as fine a place for data science as any, but only you know the situation. I just want to be clear at least to me you're not wasting time, the skills you have now will still be relevant in a data science context IMO. But I'll let other real data scientists chime in lol
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Comment on What mattress would you recommend? in ~life.home_improvement
Mullin Link ParentI also went with the sleep on latex mattress and it's the best one I've had so far. I loved it as is but my wife found it slightly too firm so I got a thick wool mattress topper and it feels like...I also went with the sleep on latex mattress and it's the best one I've had so far. I loved it as is but my wife found it slightly too firm so I got a thick wool mattress topper and it feels like a 5 star hotel. It's so much cooler and more comfortable than the old memory foam mattress it replaced, and it's been great for my back (and hers, though she wouldn't admit that). I would also support building your own as you suggested, to really dial in what you want. The one downside of the mattress was good god was it heavy, trying to push 200lbs of mattress in the cardboard up the stairs by myself was a chore. Worth it though.
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Comment on I want to hear about good relationships in ~talk
Mullin Link ParentOh I understand it as well, but honestly "sleeping it off" can work wonders. The sleep deprivation from having an infant can already be brutal sometimes you're mad because you're tired, you've...Oh I understand it as well, but honestly "sleeping it off" can work wonders. The sleep deprivation from having an infant can already be brutal sometimes you're mad because you're tired, you've just gotta sleep, and talk it out when you aren't running on fumes. Honestly sometimes it takes a few days to really mull over something, I don't think emotions are always so amenable to time tables, it's really that you eventually understand the cause of the argument and have a resolution, that seems to matter to me.
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Comment on I want to hear about good relationships in ~talk
Mullin LinkI've been together with my wife 13 years, married 9 of them. I think the biggest things have been, mostly about aligning priorities, keeping each other informed of what's going on. And the most...I've been together with my wife 13 years, married 9 of them. I think the biggest things have been, mostly about aligning priorities, keeping each other informed of what's going on. And the most important one to me is honestly just .... apologizing. I don't think any couple can get away with not fighting or getting mad at each other, or doing the wrong thing every now and then. Especially with kids, it's been more stressful and sometimes we can be at each other's throat, but it's just stress. That we apologize to one another and that we don't let our anger bleed into how we feel about the other person is a level of resiliency that I feel confident will keep us together however many more decades.
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Comment on Woman sues US fertility clinic, saying she gave birth to another patient’s baby in ~health
Mullin Link ParentI don't think it's so clear cut, we don't know how many embryos the other couple had and the follicle stimulating part of IVF is the part that maximally sucks and people often do not want to go...I don't think it's so clear cut, we don't know how many embryos the other couple had and the follicle stimulating part of IVF is the part that maximally sucks and people often do not want to go through again. I think giving the child to the genetic parents is fine, and I'd hope they would keep her involved as much as possible because of course the attachment over pregnancy/5 months is significant. We had our daughter that was born via IVF paternity/maternity tested within a month of her birth specifically because as rare as it could be, mistakes happen. In a country where wrong site surgery is a regular occurrence is was important to verify. And I'd be devastated if we lost even one embryo. There's an emotional attachment and drain from IVF that is hard to describe. Either way this is a horror story, and I cant believe the clinic would have such awful controls. I was destroyed when that story of a woman breaking into an IVF clinic and carelessly destroying embryos happened a few years back, that's like murder levels of rage if I was any of the couples affected.
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Comment on What is your weirdest kitchen appliance and what do you think of it? in ~food
Mullin Link ParentI have one of these as well (ironically left in the house from previous owners when I bought it) and I've found I use it a lot for batters, like waffle or pancakes, it works really well and it's...I have one of these as well (ironically left in the house from previous owners when I bought it) and I've found I use it a lot for batters, like waffle or pancakes, it works really well and it's easier to clean than using a normal metal whisk. I wouldn't use it on things I actually need to whip but for thick batters, cakes/brownies etc it works pretty good
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Comment on US President Donald Trump to issue executive orders to end birthright citizenship, limit gender identity — incoming official in ~lgbt
Mullin Link ParentI wasn't the original reply in this direction, I was just commenting on the same themes. I think it's fine to have these conversations even during uncomfortable times. The point I was trying to...I wasn't the original reply in this direction, I was just commenting on the same themes. I think it's fine to have these conversations even during uncomfortable times. The point I was trying to make wasn't to defend a gender binary, far from it, I think whether there is a gender binary doesn't matter for trans rights. I firmly am in the camp that people should be allowed to get whatever medical care they need or want, and I think it's fundamentally insane that we may live in a country soon where it's totally fine for an AMAB to go to the doctor and get testosterone but not an AFAB, for bigotry reasons. Ultimately that's what this is, bold faced bigotry. I feel like focusing on what they say compared to what they intend is ceding ground and fighting on the wrong terms.
Believe me, I am not speaking about this from a position of not caring, not being involved. It's because I'm frustrated and angry at the erosion of rights in this country. It's why it's important to understand that everything is connected, women's rights connected to LGBT, LGBT connected to T, so on and so forth. The bigotry won't stop on any minority. Maybe I'm rambling, or venting, or whatever, but I have just as much a notion to do that as anyone else. Please don't pattern match me to a type of guy you've encountered before
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Comment on US President Donald Trump to issue executive orders to end birthright citizenship, limit gender identity — incoming official in ~lgbt
Mullin Link Parent......I feel like we're quibbling over details, of course I know my sex chromosomes because I have a phenotype that corresponds with the presence of a Y chromosome. We do not need to try to.........I feel like we're quibbling over details, of course I know my sex chromosomes because I have a phenotype that corresponds with the presence of a Y chromosome. We do not need to try to reinvent something or change a definition to get the desired outcome, we can change notes and rules based on what is ethical and moral. What I meant was that the sex chromosomes themselves are a binary. I'm not trying to dog whistle here, while intersex exists and I want them to be treated equitably and with proper consent and understanding from a medical perspective, it is not a normal phenotypical presentation or a preferred developmental outcome.
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Comment on US President Donald Trump to issue executive orders to end birthright citizenship, limit gender identity — incoming official in ~lgbt
Mullin Link ParentI'm not trying to be trite about it, but isn't biological sex tied to sexual reproduction, and from that perspective could be defined in a way of gametes and sex chromosomes...there are two sex...I'm not trying to be trite about it, but isn't biological sex tied to sexual reproduction, and from that perspective could be defined in a way of gametes and sex chromosomes...there are two sex chromosomes regardless of if you include aneuploidy. I guess I don't think it helps to try to attack the underlying concept of a biological gender binary when the ultimate goal is for people to have full autonomy over their gender expression and presentation just on the merits that it is their body their choice IMO
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~life.women
Mullin Link ParentI think coming from a feminist perspective: consent is hard to prove, and the exact same external factors that could show coercion or duress could equally be applied to a woman saying yes, and...- Exemplary
I think coming from a feminist perspective: consent is hard to prove, and the exact same external factors that could show coercion or duress could equally be applied to a woman saying yes, and from a more inclusive perspective: yes doesn't always mean yes, I think most feminists would say that rape or assault can occur because circumstances changed even after saying yes. So a consent based definition likely won't make rape more prosecutable, or less prevalent.
I think generally, until you can destroy the cultural aspects of sex being something that's seen as gatekept by women, or something that is seen as a woman's value....you can't fix this. You have to fix both male entitlement, and fix gendered cultural roles, I'm not sure anyone's fully done this. I personally fear that we're backsliding as conservative movements gain more steam globally, as well as anti-immigration, meaning that it'll be even more difficult for women to remove themselves from societies that control them, and see them as chattel or breeding stock. That's what really worries me. And not that I want to go into it, but I'm also concerned about the rise of revenge porn, deep fakes, etc that further disproportionately harm women and attack agency they have over their own bodies :/ it's not a very positive time right now for women or women's health
It's absolutely this part, if, in relation to someone telling you that they don't like guilt by association, you use the statistics to justify that rhetoric, that's what I have a problem with. I feel like you're being overly defensive when I fully believe you understand where I'm coming from in relation to your original comment or are being willfully obtuse. If the version of educating women involves communicating to them the "risk" inherent in the statistics, whether you believe that that is harm reducing, or you want to take a consequentialist approach, that's all well and good, but I believe it's discriminatory. It definitionally is, you are saying verbatim that women should be wary of men because of the statistics of sexual assault, I'm only extending your point, that you could sit there and go each additional layer of attributes, from gender, to ethnicity, to socioeconomic status, and all the while you're vilifying an entire group, I believe that's wrong. It reinforces dehumanizing rhetoric. I don't feel like you're acting in good faith when instead of addressing what I'm saying you reactively "I don't know what you're talking about". But in the interest of both our sakes I'm fine to drop it.