PapaNachos's recent activity

  1. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Yeah, that's a very popular interpretation. I think it's useful, though incomplete. We are physical beings living in a physical world and many of us wouldn't go to extreme lengths to reshape our...

    Yeah, that's a very popular interpretation. I think it's useful, though incomplete. We are physical beings living in a physical world and many of us wouldn't go to extreme lengths to reshape our bodies or outward appearance if our internal sense of self was all that mattered. So I don't subscribe to the purely internal interpretation but do agree it's an aspect.

    That being said I do understand what it's like to feel disconnected from your body and not be able to match the vibes that everyone else seems to navigate flawlessly but uncritically. Though perhaps not in the same way.

    For me before I started poking my gender with a stick, I felt a sort of small tug in my mind. Just sort of gently pushing me towards queer and especially trans media and resources. I wanted to know more because it was interesting and because I was such a Good Ally(lol, lmao even).

    Over time it got louder and louder until I finally had to directly address it myself and figure out if there was a reason I was so fixated on these questions.

    That kicked off a larger and more intentional search for answer where I was finally able to start making sense of things.

    After that point, it got much easier for me to be able to make sense of it. Everything felt wrong and nonsensical before because it was wrong and nonsensical.

    At least that's how it was for me. And some agender folks I've talked with are just like "gender is meaningless to me" which I find as a sort of hilarious reflection of my own views

    1 vote

  2. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    I put a few up there already, but I'll probably add more later today. And yeah, that captures some of it at an academic level, but a large portion of it is also about accepting that I'm part of...

    I put a few up there already, but I'll probably add more later today.

    And yeah, that captures some of it at an academic level, but a large portion of it is also about accepting that I'm part of the larger LGBT+ community and can find community there in a way that never really made sense before.

    It's about self definition outside of what I had been told and reclaiming my own agency as it relates to self-identity. And then acting upon that to reshape myself into who I want to be.

    As far as what you can do to help trans and non-binary folks:
    Advocate for us. We're a very small percentage of the population and don't really have strength in numbers. Call politicians, donate to trans causes, when people threaten us or try to take away our rights, push back. Especially in situations where it's not safe for us.
    Advocate for gender neutral policies in the workplace or public, and especially when it applies to government policy.
    Normalize talking about gender and pronouns. Not just when someone there is visibly queer, but like, just as a part of regular life. But casually, it doesn't have to be a huge thing. "Hi I'm [name1] and my pronouns are they/them", "Nice to meet you [name1], I'm [name2] and my pronouns are he/him". That SHOULD be a normal and chill conversation in a sane world.
    And if you do slip up with someone's pronouns apologize, correct yourself and move on. Don't make it a whole big thing. If someone was referring to me and said something like "Yeah, I saw him over, shit, sorry, I saw them over there" that's so much nicer than them making the same error and then just apologizing over and over and going into a 10 minute spiel about how good of an ally they are.
    If someone comes out to you, comfort them and maintain that relationship (unless other factors come into play). Many of use lose large numbers of family and friends, just to exist.

    Most of us just want to be left alone to live our lives, but there's a huge hate campaign targetting us. Being trans and/or non-binary could and should be a just a normal part of every day life, but unfortunately we don't live in that world.

    2 votes

  3. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Sure, but I can only speak about what it means to me: The first thing you should know is that nonbinary is a blanket term, a lot of different terms fit underneath it. The second thing is that, at...

    Sure, but I can only speak about what it means to me:

    The first thing you should know is that nonbinary is a blanket term, a lot of different terms fit underneath it.
    The second thing is that, at least for me, a huge part of it is about letting go of ways of being that were forced upon me, but I never chose.
    And third, many nonbinary folks consider themselves trans. But not all. And both are correct. By certain definitions nonbinary falls under the trans umbrella, but if you really want to understand nonbinary folks you'll want to let go of hard definitions and classifications.
    For me I never really felt right in men's spaces, both physical and social. I "knew" I was supposed to be there, because everyone said so, and I hadn't yet realized there were more options than just doing what I was told.
    After some soul searching, which I'll skip over here, I realized that rather than trying to force myself into a roles and spaces where I didn't fit, instead I could step outside of those roles.
    New pronouns, changing up how I present myself, redefining how I see myself, navigating relationships, and more.
    It's scary and painful, but also incredibly liberating. I could finally be and see myself within a context that felt right.

    I hope that helps. I'll compile some resources and post them in the top level comment when I get the chance!.

    4 votes

  4. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Re: agender: a lot of these terms are fluid and flexible, there aren't hard rules around when and how you use them. It sounds like you've already got a handle on that part. As to what gender is:...

    Re: agender: a lot of these terms are fluid and flexible, there aren't hard rules around when and how you use them. It sounds like you've already got a handle on that part.

    As to what gender is: this is a huge topic, I could go into multiple essays without coming to a single answer. There are lots of different schools of thought of varying quality and the term is also actually a bunch of different terms in a trenchcoat, all of which refer to "gender" but mean different things. And social, cultural, historical and individual context are hugely important, because this shit is complicated.

    But none of that is an answer. So let me see if I can summarize it into anything useful.

    People like taxonomies. Systems of classification that help us make sense of the world. Both for personal understanding, but also for systems of control. Gender exists in a weird spot where it's both descriptive (a way of describing the world and things in it) and prescriptive (the act of changing the world by fitting it into boxes... Sort of)

    In the US, I would say that the dominant culture works off two major categories: Men/Male and Women/Female (capitalized for effect). These are assigned at birth based on how your genitals appear. And if you don't fit neatly into one of those bins, the doctor will "correct" you surgically so you can fit into one of the neat bins.

    From there, you're raised and taught a series of behaviors, expectations and ways of being that correspond to the bin you were placed in. Over time many people internalize these and see it as a part of themselves. They teach you how to act and also how to treat others.

    This is where you get concepts like masculinity and feminity and the attributes associated with them.

    Men™ are tough and strong. They like the color blue. Football and power tools! And they don't talk about their emotions (except anger)

    Women™ are sensitive and caring. They like pink. They're more emotional and need to be kept away from the levers of power for... reasons.

    I'm being glib and oversimplifying, but trying to make the point that there are socially constructed boxes that are mostly vibes based.

    And as long as you stay in your box people know how to treat you.

    Many people perpetuate these systems and they also grow and change over time. Sometimes in ways that are relatively benign or even beneficial, but other times in ways that are more sinister.

    Because they're also a useful tool for people and systems in power: a way of classifying people into groups that determine someone's rights and their role in society. ~50 years ago a valid answer to the question "What is a woman?" was "someone who we don't allow to have a bank account". 200 years ago it was much worse, but 20,000 years ago it was much more egalitarian

    Some people claim Men and Women map neatly onto chromosomes (XY and XX respectively) and for many people that's in the ballpark, given the context from earlier. But it's a huge oversimplification for many reasons, and there are major issues with this. This is the preferred argument of many transphobes who are more concerned with the "forcing people into boxes" part than any sort of truth or understanding.

    Some people claim gender is your internal sense of self, completely separated from your physical body. This framing also has issues.

    Others would say that gender is an action. Preforming or defying the aforementioned roles and behaviors. You determine it by doing it. This is closest to my personal belief.

    It certainly helps to recognize that there is no one agreed-upon framework for what gender is and how it affects us. It's a lot of different things all fitting into one word that cause a lot of confusion.

    So, what is gender?
    Is it our biology? Partially
    Is it our internal sense of self? Also partially
    Is it something we do? Definitely (IMO)
    Is it something we determine or something forced upon us? Yes

    I hope that was helpful and not just me rambling.

    5 votes

  5. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    It's funny that you say that, because for me terms like "straight" and "gay" lost a lot of meaning after I came out as nonbinary, they assume a certain framing that no longer holds for me....

    It's funny that you say that, because for me terms like "straight" and "gay" lost a lot of meaning after I came out as nonbinary, they assume a certain framing that no longer holds for me. Whenever someone asks me that question I need like 3 caveats.

    But to your point, are you looking for answers? Or are you okay with that sort of ambiguity? I'm nonbinary and uses exclusively they/them pronouns, and that's right for me at this moment. I have other friends who are also nonbinary and literally don't care what pronouns you use for them, as long as you're doing so respectfully, he/she/they are all good for them. I know other folks that switch them around from day to day. And I know one person who has a strong preference to only that person's name (which I will not reveal here), never pronouns.

    My point being, that there are lots of different ways to be. Labels, when used descriptively rather than prescriptively, can be a great tool for communication and finding community, but I know some folks who place a lot of value on finding the exact label or labels for themself, and I don't personnally get that.

    I'm sure by now you've come across the term agender, which is a way some folks that feel disconnected from the whole concept choose to describe themselves. But if you literally don't care, that's fine too.

    Someone who actually doesn't care about their gender is in a much healthier place than someone who claims they don't care, but goes ballistic if they get misgendered.

    7 votes

  6. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    That's fair, and it's a difficult process. There's no one single answer, but for me a lot of it came down to exposing myself to stories from trans and GNC (gender non-conforming) folks. Meeting...

    That's fair, and it's a difficult process. There's no one single answer, but for me a lot of it came down to exposing myself to stories from trans and GNC (gender non-conforming) folks. Meeting and talking to trans people, listening to what they had to say.

    Trying things like presenting differently or going by different pronouns. But most importantly a lot of self reflection. Sitting with my own thoughts, reflecting on them and why they are that way.

    As a simple starting point, if someone refers to you using various gendered (he/she) or non-gendered pronouns (they), how do you feel? Why do you feel that way? Do any of them feel right? Do any of them feel wrong? Are any of them scary? Why? Really sit with the question. Think about what they mean to you.

    Does it make you ask any new questions?

    6 votes

  7. Comment on What's an atypical thing you do that you'd recommend to others? in ~talk

    PapaNachos
    (edited )
    Link
    Explore your gender, how you express it and what it means to you. Who knows, it might not match what you always assumed. And if it does match, that great too, but now you actually know instead of...

    Explore your gender, how you express it and what it means to you. Who knows, it might not match what you always assumed. And if it does match, that great too, but now you actually know instead of just going with what you were told.

    Either way the process of self examination can be hugely beneficial to your sense of self and society as a whole.

    In our current society this shit can be extremely painful, but it doesn't have to be.

    More broadly speaking this applies to all forms of introspection, but gender in particular can be really helpful

    Edit: Some resources for folks. Happy Trans Day of Visibility!
    The Quick and Easy Guide series by Archie Bongiovanni is a useful starting point. I have a few copies of the one about They/Them pronouns in case I need to hand one out
    Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon is another useful guide that goes a bit more in depth, but is still pretty accessible
    She/He/They/Me by Robyn Ryle and recommended by @DefinitelyNotAFae further up the thread. I haven't read this one myself but it seems pretty cool.
    There are lots of other great resources out there, and I'll update this list with more later.

    17 votes

  8. Comment on Looking for board game suggestions for non-gamers in ~games.tabletop

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Those are some great suggestions. The only one I would push back on is Chess. Chess (and Go) has its own culture that really breaks it off from a lot of board games. Often people that get in to...

    Those are some great suggestions. The only one I would push back on is Chess. Chess (and Go) has its own culture that really breaks it off from a lot of board games. Often people that get in to chess get REALLY in to chess and only chess and a lot of people that play more modern board games don't really play chess at all. It's still definitely worth seeing if your particular kid likes it, but it has a specific place in the larger hobby

    5 votes

  9. Comment on Looking for board game suggestions for non-gamers in ~games.tabletop

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Mixing young and old kids can be tricky. How old is the oldest in the group you're looking for? For younger kids (4-8) a lot of popular modern games have younger equivalents. For instance Ticket...

    Mixing young and old kids can be tricky. How old is the oldest in the group you're looking for?

    For younger kids (4-8) a lot of popular modern games have younger equivalents. For instance Ticket to Ride has Ticket to Ride: First Journey. Castle Panic has My First Castle Panic and as @first-must-burn mentioned, Catan has Catan Junior.

    More dexterity-based games like Catapult Feud can also be a good avenue

    If you're looking for a co-op game that really young kids can play I would recommend My First Castle Panic (listed above) and Mysterium Kids. Though co-op can be difficult because you have to be mindful of "quarterbacking", which refers to when one player tells other (usually less experienced or younger) players what to do. Meaning that one players is functionally playing the game for everyone else.

    Additionally when mixing age groups like that it can be a difficult balance to find games that don't overwhelm younger players, while still engaging older players. Younger kids especially can have pretty short attention spans. And older kids don't often go for the softer aesthetic and simplified rules. If there's too much of an age gap, and you have enough kids, you may want to consider breaking into a younger/older group and selecting different games for each.

    And if you're looking more long term Gateway Island has a bunch of mini-games showcasing all sorts of different mechanics that then remakes recommendations based on what you like.

    2 votes

  10. Comment on Looking for board game suggestions for non-gamers in ~games.tabletop

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Yeah, if you want people to play and have a good time they need to be willing to buy in emotionally. If you try to force it, they may eventually agree in order to get you to stop, but that's not...

    Yeah, if you want people to play and have a good time they need to be willing to buy in emotionally. If you try to force it, they may eventually agree in order to get you to stop, but that's not going to get them to buy in.

    That's a major reason that theme is so important. If it seems fun and interesting and if the imagery is pretty and evocative, you get people to WANT to play. Once someone wants to play, it's way easier to get them to have a positive experience.

    And yeah, god damn birds. Everyone loves birds. Wingspan is wonderful and tricks people into ratcheting up the complexity of games they're willing to try.

    2 votes

  11. Comment on Looking for board game suggestions for non-gamers in ~games.tabletop

    PapaNachos
    (edited )
    Link
    I own a board game store together with my partner. There are some excellent suggestions in this thread so far, but I also wanted to weigh in. There are a lot of factors that go in to someone...
    • Exemplary

    I own a board game store together with my partner. There are some excellent suggestions in this thread so far, but I also wanted to weigh in.

    There are a lot of factors that go in to someone getting into games and games resonating with them. We talk about complexity and weight, but a lot of games are a lot less difficult than people imagine. And a lot of people are more capable than they give themselves credit for. I regularly see folks struggle with some relatively simple games, but thrive at more complex games when the theme resonates with them. And if someone is just deadset on the idea that they're not a board game person, it's an uphill battle, personally I wouldn't try to force it.

    If they're willing to try, you definitely want to pick something that you know well enough that you can teach without much effort. Games have a language, and as you learn it new games become easier. But at the same time if someone hasn't developed that vocabulary, you'll need to slow down and explain things to them. Someone taking the time to try something new is being vulnerable with you. You don't have to let them win, but you do want to make sure they can make informed decisions and actually play. You can even explain why you're making certain moves. When I play with someone new I usually very actively help during the first few turns, but slowly ease off as the game goes on.

    A lot of games also have excellent learn-to-play videos on youtube. Before you play, look for a good one, watch it to make sure it's both comprehensive and not overly long. Once you find a good candidate, send it to them. Get them to watch it before you play. Then when it's time to play, do a quick recap and let them ask any questions.

    The final point I want to add before I get to suggestions is that if you find something they've enjoyed, you can use that as a branching off point. Relate the new game to what they've tried before when possible

    Some of the games I would recommend are:

    Wingspan - It's solidly mid-weight by any sort of assessment of complexity, but the theme carries it. It's a surprising number of people's first modern game. Lots of people love birds and that's often enough

    Century: Golem Edition (and the rest of the series) - Trade and acquire gems, fulfill recipes. It's pretty simple conceptually, but very aesthetically appealling. It's a great mix for new players. Additionally it's part of a 3-part series that share major components, but have key differences. So it's a good way to introduce the topic of mechanics. And any two or all 3 of the games in the series can combine into a super-game that takes elements from each and mashes them together. It's also got a strong mathematical foundations around the card design, so it's also interesting to talk about from a strategy/design perspective. It's excellent

    Machi Koro 2 - My pitch for this on is that it's sort of like monopoly, but it doesn't take 3 hours and make everyone mad. You're just rolling dice and making money. It's very chill and fun. It's great for people that have been burned by 'traditional' games

    Azul (and the rest of the series) - Grab tiles, place them in patterns to try to score the most points. But you have to be careful because you're all pulling from the same pool, so you're racing for the best tiles. Every game in the series share a very similar tile-acquisition method, but what you're doing with them varies from game to game, so it's another great series that lets you say 'this part is the same, this part is different'

    Any of those are excellent 'first modern games'. And if they like those, you can move from there. But again, if they're not receptive, I wouldn't try to force it. You're not gonna get anywhere if they're not open to trying.

    And if you can provide any additional information I can provide some more targetted suggestions

    18 votes

  12. Comment on LGBTQ folks check-in thread - how're you all doing? in ~lgbt

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    I count those folks as not caring about us. If they can't even be bothered to do even the bare minimum, what good are they as "allies"?

    I count those folks as not caring about us. If they can't even be bothered to do even the bare minimum, what good are they as "allies"?

    34 votes

  13. Comment on LGBTQ folks check-in thread - how're you all doing? in ~lgbt

    PapaNachos
    Link
    Shifting constantly between sadness and unbridled rage. Trying to find comfort in community but simultaneously aware that at best half the country doesn't care about us, and many of those people...

    Shifting constantly between sadness and unbridled rage. Trying to find comfort in community but simultaneously aware that at best half the country doesn't care about us, and many of those people actively want to hurt us. I took the last week off of work to just process. Him winning the popular vote is really disheartening

    I was really hoping we were done with this shit for a while.

    35 votes

  14. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~design

    PapaNachos
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Typically I don't mention which company I work for but fuck it, yeah it was Ford. That being said, at the time I was working on cars about five or so years ahead of their release, so if they had...

    Typically I don't mention which company I work for but fuck it, yeah it was Ford. That being said, at the time I was working on cars about five or so years ahead of their release, so if they had already pissed you off 10 years ago, that would have been before I was working there

    And while it's true that they did want you to just buy a new car they just kind of assumed you were going to stick with the same brand

    7 votes

  15. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~design

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Yeah I hated that guy, but he made at least three times what I did

    Yeah I hated that guy, but he made at least three times what I did

    5 votes

  16. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~design

    PapaNachos
    Link Parent
    Yeah the issue isn't that he wanted a CD player, it's that he wanted a five disc one that would cost a bunch and was so big and bulky that it was going to make the glove compartment noticeably...

    Yeah the issue isn't that he wanted a CD player, it's that he wanted a five disc one that would cost a bunch and was so big and bulky that it was going to make the glove compartment noticeably smaller because of where all the components were going to end up

    And he wanted it as part of the standard package rather than an optional upgrade

    11 votes

  17. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~design

    PapaNachos
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    I'm an ex-automotive engineer. About 10 years ago I was sitting in meetings trying to explain to my dumbass managers and the design teams that touch screens are terrible and that we need as many...

    I'm an ex-automotive engineer. About 10 years ago I was sitting in meetings trying to explain to my dumbass managers and the design teams that touch screens are terrible and that we need as many physical buttons as possible because haptic feedback is important. They fought me at every turn because touch screens look cool and when people are choosing to buy cars that they are sitting in a showroom lobby. I was literally told that actually usability was secondary to how it impressed people in the showroom.

    Specifically most of my fights were around the controls for the climate system, since that was the area I had the most say over.

    Edit: I also told them that instead of trying to guess which type of plug would win the format wars, we should make a module that's designed to be swappable in the future once the industry as a whole shifted. This was back around 2014-2015, before USB-C became the clear winner. I'm still mad about that job.

    Edit again: I had to talk my manager out of putting a 5 disc CD changer as a standard option for a luxury vehicle that was going to launch in like 2020. Literally laughed at him in a meeting for that one. God I hated him

    74 votes

  18. Comment on Where is a good place to get commissioned artwork? in ~creative

    PapaNachos
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    A lot of artists who take commissions advertise on twitter. If you find someone you like you can usually reach out via DMs and ask if they're taking commissions and what their rates are. If your...

    A lot of artists who take commissions advertise on twitter. If you find someone you like you can usually reach out via DMs and ask if they're taking commissions and what their rates are. If your husband has a favorite artist, you can try reaching out to them directly. Have you checked his social media to see if there are any artists or styles he particularly likes?

    But yeah, I haven't tried hiring any artists since assholes started flooding the various platforms with AI generated crap, but I would try verifying that the artist you're attempting to hire has been around for at least a few years.

    2 votes

  19. Comment on Guild Wars 2 Steam launch and tenth anniversary is tomorrow in ~games

    PapaNachos
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    It's taken 10 years, but GW 2 is finally coming to steam. Over the past few months the game has really seen a resurgence and the devs have been hard at work improving the new player experience....

    It's taken 10 years, but GW 2 is finally coming to steam. Over the past few months the game has really seen a resurgence and the devs have been hard at work improving the new player experience.

    I'm really excited, let me know if you decide to try it out.

    3 votes