DefinitelyNotAFae's recent activity
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Comment on 2026 Fifa World Cup - Finals discussion and news megathread (quarters/semis/finals) in ~sports.football
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Comment on What did banning Airbnbs in NYC accomplish? in ~finance
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI think that's an interesting point, and will likely make some difference, as will the fact that NYC continues to have more people wanting to move there, invest there, etc. It doesn't surprise me...I think that's an interesting point, and will likely make some difference, as will the fact that NYC continues to have more people wanting to move there, invest there, etc. It doesn't surprise me that that change didn't "solve" everything, and maybe the restrictive regs were enough (or maybe prices would be even higher without the change).
I will be curious to see the impact of similar bans in smaller cities and see if at lower volumes it's enough of a pressure valve. People in NYC will pay huge rents for closets, perhaps in alternative locations that trade off point is at a more reasonable (to me) equilibrium
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Comment on Silicon Valley has a science fiction problem in ~tech
DefinitelyNotAFae LinkThis is absolutely excellent. This article says pretty much everything I feel about the the billionaire technocrats who think they're the "great man" who will create the AI that will solve all the...This is absolutely excellent. This article says pretty much everything I feel about the the billionaire technocrats who think they're the "great man" who will create the AI that will solve all the worlds problems.
I want to read the rest of the essays, especially "Whitey on Mars" referencing the Whitey on the Moon poem, that I believe I first heard when watching Lovecraft Country
From Wiki a neat tidbit
On April 17, 2023, NASA astronaut Victor Glover, who would later pilot Artemis II in a planned fly-by around the Moon, said that he listened to "Whitey on the Moon" every Monday on his way to work as a reminder "that, at that time, that community, which is very similar to the community I grew up in, they didn't feel heard."[27]
If I have one complaint...
I get why the title is framed this way, but Silicon Valley doesn't have a Science Fiction problem, they have an ethics and a moral problem. They have appropriation problems and media literacy problems.We have a Silicon Valley problem.
But I get the title framing
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Comment on China is dealing with its own manosphere in ~life.men
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentCulturally bride prices and dowries exist in different cultures for different reasons. Typically to my knowledge it's rarer to have both, but this is not an area of my expertise. A bride price is...Culturally bride prices and dowries exist in different cultures for different reasons. Typically to my knowledge it's rarer to have both, but this is not an area of my expertise.
A bride price is meant to compensate the bride's family for the cost of raising her and the loss of her labor, because the bride becomes part of the husband's family and leaves her parents household. Since the husband does not leave his family there's no reciprocal payment for him. And since the cultural perspective is not "two people striking out on their own" it's got this angle of the "transference" of women from one man to another. There is also a sense of the husband being in debt to his inlaws for their daughter (and never affording it.) This is more common where the daughter's labor supports the family (or historically has). Bride prices are more common when women are scarcer. Sometimes these are just token amounts
A dowry is money that is designed to go to the new couple and often remain as the woman's to control in the case of widowhood or divorce. It's a security net for women in cultures where they couldn't earn their own income. This was more common where there's an independent household and where women don't/can't work. It offsets the cost of the husband feeding her and is sort of an advance on her inheritance from her father (or the only one she'd get). But women may have been pressured or expected to spend it at their husbands' demands.
So there's no husband price, just a difference in who the money is from and for. Because historically and culturally men have been allowed to work (outside the home) and have been the accepted heads of the household (or their father/grandfather), while women have had different societal restrictions/expectations. As culture has changed, all traditions have not. Not everyone follows them, and I can't speak to China specifically so perhaps someone else can, but they don't account for a more egalitarian society (though I wouldn't call the current state of affairs truly egalitarian.)
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Comment on China is dealing with its own manosphere in ~life.men
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentThe person you were replying to made a comment that to me sounded like critiquing how societies have worked in harmful cycles and that to try to prevent those cycles people have to think about...The person you were replying to made a comment that to me sounded like critiquing how societies have worked in harmful cycles and that to try to prevent those cycles people have to think about them aka "toy with ideas". I think you misunderstood their comment, but that's just my take.
And the "jokes" that the alt right make were never actually jokes. They were always things they agreed with and advocated for being couched as jokes.
You say you replied to the only person you were upset with but you referenced things I said and spoke in the aggregate, painting everyone with the same brush. As I said, I think that's quite overbroad. I understand why you're upset, I don't agree with the conclusions you're drawing over it. And that's fine, I cannot control what you think of me.
and I shame anyone who thinks it’s an appropriate response to anything.
But if you wish to "shame" anyone who posted like this, I personally think you're missing the mark.
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Comment on China is dealing with its own manosphere in ~life.men
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentWho is being absolutely serious about it? Like genuinely. You can't use "the fact we're having this conversation means I'm right" if you're the one who brings up the conversation. Alt-right...Who is being absolutely serious about it?
Like genuinely. You can't use "the fact we're having this conversation means I'm right" if you're the one who brings up the conversation.
Alt-right "jokes" aren't actually jokes that's the whole thing. Do you actually think I, or anyone else here, want millions of men to die in a pointless war for no reason other than population control and I'm "joking" about it to slyly gain social acceptance of it?
Because that's the fundamental difference of "it's just a joke, bro" vs. "I thought it was super clear no one means this and we're all just really burnt out about the world and have zero hope this will be handled well IRL" dark humor/whistling in the dark.
But to erase any concern, I really thought it was very obvious no one expects nor wants that outcome, not with a veneer of "just joking so you can't be mad at me" but a genuine "legitimately there was never anything serious about it and we're just cynical as fuck." But if the irony didn't land for you, it didn't land. I just want to assure you it was there.
You can still be mad obviously, that's not up to anyone else, but I do not think the brush you're painting everyone with is a reasonable one. And I wish for half the passion toward how our military is actually recruited, used, and abused in the real world. Or towards the men claiming women are brainwashed by feminism and owe them sex. But if you really think we're the equivalent of the alt-right, at least say it to the people you're mad at.
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Comment on US Immigration and Customs Enforcement is threatening to deport witnesses of its latest shooting in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIt may explain the ER visit for hypertension for sure. But I do think a lot of people are overwhelmed whether they handle that by shutting out the news or by drowning in it.It may explain the ER visit for hypertension for sure.
But I do think a lot of people are overwhelmed whether they handle that by shutting out the news or by drowning in it.
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Comment on US Immigration and Customs Enforcement is threatening to deport witnesses of its latest shooting in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYeah, I get that, and yet it still doesn't feel good to "amputate" any more than it does for a doctor to cut off a limb. There's no joy and catharsis there for me. Our civil war track record is...Yeah, I get that, and yet it still doesn't feel good to "amputate" any more than it does for a doctor to cut off a limb. There's no joy and catharsis there for me. Our civil war track record is not ideal on the whole "fix the future problems".
Plus someday I'll be deeply wrong about something and will hope to have as much kindness as I show others.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI love the paladins! The whole World of the White Rat - there's something nice about a world with clerics of auditing you so you can't steal from the poor and public defenders of a god! I like...I love the paladins! The whole World of the White Rat - there's something nice about a world with clerics of auditing you so you can't steal from the poor and public defenders of a god!
I like most of her work, her horror is maybe my least favorite genre-wise but she's really enjoyable.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYes! Though be careful as Kingfisher does a lot of horror under that penname too. Sarah Beth Durst is doing good cozy stuff though and I always keep an eye out for her new releases. It's keeping...Yes! Though be careful as Kingfisher does a lot of horror under that penname too.
Sarah Beth Durst is doing good cozy stuff though and I always keep an eye out for her new releases. It's keeping me alive until Becky Chambers is writing again
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Comment on US Immigration and Customs Enforcement is threatening to deport witnesses of its latest shooting in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYeah I don't find that cathartic because I want people to change not just curse them out.Yeah I don't find that cathartic because I want people to change not just curse them out.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI enjoyed Can't Spell Treason... But I think it's just OK as far as story goes. It's been a minute though and I did read the sequels. If you like cozy, I also recommend The Spellshop!I enjoyed Can't Spell Treason... But I think it's just OK as far as story goes. It's been a minute though and I did read the sequels. If you like cozy, I also recommend The Spellshop!
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentYes! They're just vibing! Less stylized after the xianxia stuff, no one is cultivating in these, just leveling up their happy little shop or town or what have you.Yes!
They're just vibing! Less stylized after the xianxia stuff, no one is cultivating in these, just leveling up their happy little shop or town or what have you.
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Comment on US Immigration and Customs Enforcement is threatening to deport witnesses of its latest shooting in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentOh cool, we played the "fearing for public safety" card this time. Harder to prove it's a lie than "feared for my safety".Oh cool, we played the "fearing for public safety" card this time.
Harder to prove it's a lie than "feared for my safety".
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Comment on US Immigration and Customs Enforcement is threatening to deport witnesses of its latest shooting in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIt's definitely not boring. I've catalogued it, followed it, read some stuff on it, hate it, am hoping to be successful at hearing the outcomes rather than losing track of it among the next horror...It's definitely not boring. I've catalogued it, followed it, read some stuff on it, hate it, am hoping to be successful at hearing the outcomes rather than losing track of it among the next horror
I just don't know what to say anymore. I don't want to argue about it. I just, it fucking sucks. And I don't have the capacity to do anything about it. I understand why people engage in self-immolation as a form of protest. If the horror is so immense and it feels like there's just nothing you can do but give your entire life and all of that suffering to say "I'm not ok with this."
And that doesn't change things either. (Don't worry, not going to go light myself on fire). But I just want to make sure it's clear that it isn't boring. I just have no more words to say to people who aren't as horrified, at least for now.
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Comment on Need advice about work in ~life
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentPlus dating with a kid has its own risks and stressors. Every potential partner isn't interested in being a parent. There should simply be more supports for parents so that finances don't even...Plus dating with a kid has its own risks and stressors. Every potential partner isn't interested in being a parent. There should simply be more supports for parents so that finances don't even risk pressuring them into those decisions. And maybe OP.has those resources, as they're very location specific.
Either way, I agree with you that it's not good relationship advice nor parenting advice, and definitely not related to the question asked.
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Comment on US Immigration and Customs Enforcement is threatening to deport witnesses of its latest shooting in ~society
DefinitelyNotAFae LinkYeah Things fucking suck. I just haven't even been up for posting about it because it's so overwhelming all of the timeYeah
Things fucking suck. I just haven't even been up for posting about it because it's so overwhelming all of the time
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Comment on Tildes Book Club - Have you started A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentIt gets called hopepunk for a reason!It gets called hopepunk for a reason!
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Comment on China is dealing with its own manosphere in ~life.men
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentOh for sure this issue is systemically driven, from the original one child policy to the value of sons vs daughters, etc. and it was predictable enough that I feel like the conversation about "not...Oh for sure this issue is systemically driven, from the original one child policy to the value of sons vs daughters, etc. and it was predictable enough that I feel like the conversation about "not enough women" has been happening my entire adult life.
But I was not intending genuine political analysis, more a speculative fiction dystopian type answer. On said topic, though it hasn't aged great* The Gate to Women's Country by Sheri Tepper deals with gender dynamics and using war as population control.
*The society has "cured" homosexuality for one. It's very second wave feminism but it's an interesting story.
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Comment on Tildes Book Club - Have you started A Psalm for the Wild Built by Becky Chambers? in ~books
DefinitelyNotAFae Link ParentI do really like 3 I think I just connected to the characters in 4 more. But the Exodans really do speak to me. Maybe I just need to reread them all to change my ranking.I do really like 3 I think I just connected to the characters in 4 more. But the Exodans really do speak to me. Maybe I just need to reread them all to change my ranking.
I think it's better than the men's game and will probably not change that until the men stop getting nominated for Emmy's. I don't find the NBA entertaining either. I don't watch the WNBA regularly but enjoy when I do. I just don't follow sports teams much. Mostly I hate the toxicity of men's leagues and love the inclusiveness of the women's leagues.
It's an opinion so there's not really a debate. But the Men's World Cup is the worse one IMO.