Xennial here. Trying to strike that good balance. My 6 year old is allowed to roam the block with a walkie-talkie if they always respond to a 10/20 min checkin. They have free reign to the fenced...
Xennial here. Trying to strike that good balance.
My 6 year old is allowed to roam the block with a walkie-talkie if they always respond to a 10/20 min checkin. They have free reign to the fenced in backyard with some simple notice. Has been permitted free reign of scissors, glue, and paint as young as 4 (though we had to restrict this as a result of younger sibling).
Next year they'll be allowed to bike the two miles to school or 1/2 mile to the library alone on the local bike path....after we cross the deathtrap that is this one large road which I've started carrying acorns and walnuts to throw at cars that try to run us over mid-crosswalk. They will most likely not have a cellphone, perhaps an old dumb phone.
One thing that helps keep the worrying at bay is to take a deep breath and remember my kid is much, much, much more likely to be abducted and abused or killed by a relative, family friend, or teacher than any random stranger. They also have our phone number and address memorized, as well as knowing proper protocol for getting into a car with anyone other than mom and dad.
I wonder how many of us bucking against the boxing were/are scouts lol. Oh man I didn't even think about that. My 6 year old is allowed to use the microwave and toaster oven with no supervision....
I wonder how many of us bucking against the boxing were/are scouts lol.
Oh man I didn't even think about that. My 6 year old is allowed to use the microwave and toaster oven with no supervision. If they want an Eggo they don't even have to ask. When at home dinner is at 5:15 PM and they're allowed to just get their own snacks up until 4 PM.
I've thought out all sorts of scenarios (and have once been road-raged at for spitting on the car of a dude that nearly ran me over), and I'm pretty sure that throwing those things will provide...
I've thought out all sorts of scenarios (and have once been road-raged at for spitting on the car of a dude that nearly ran me over), and I'm pretty sure that throwing those things will provide sufficient pissed-off retaliation while being harmless enough that I could represent myself in court to defend against an absurd civil suit.
At least in the US, where a lot of the helicopter parenting occurs, violent crime rates are substantially lower now than they were in the 80s and 90s, when it was still common for kids to play...
Having children play outside unsupervised all day long like we used to: maybe less so. Too dangerous now with lots of crimes in some areas.
At least in the US, where a lot of the helicopter parenting occurs, violent crime rates are substantially lower now than they were in the 80s and 90s, when it was still common for kids to play outside all day. Especially now that mobile phones are the norm, playing outside is the probably the safest it has been for generations (at least with regards to crime).
Yup, don't forget the abundance of ring cameras, expanded alert systems, cell tracking, license plate recognition software, and the rest of our surveillance society that makes your kid getting...
Yup, don't forget the abundance of ring cameras, expanded alert systems, cell tracking, license plate recognition software, and the rest of our surveillance society that makes your kid getting snatched up off the street incredibly less likely than it used to be.
Unfortunately negativity bias is stronger than ever now that everyone is tuned into every single piece of bad news. The "It's dangerous out there these days, crime is rising" disinformation preys upon our fears and is an effective tool of oppression. It should be dispelled whenever it comes up and I appreciate you for doing it.
I’m not American so this is just what I’ve picked up from American friends and various news stories, but as I understand it it’s illegal in many states for kids to be alone outside without a...
I’m not American so this is just what I’ve picked up from American friends and various news stories, but as I understand it it’s illegal in many states for kids to be alone outside without a parent. Even in the yard (though this may have just be on the military base a friend lived on rather than a state law).
If those laws exist, it's a relatively recent thing, and is a symptom of the neuroses and not the cause. :) There are laws about when it's legal to leave a child home alone for days (Usually after...
If those laws exist, it's a relatively recent thing, and is a symptom of the neuroses and not the cause. :)
There are laws about when it's legal to leave a child home alone for days (Usually after 11 but before 15), but those do not necessarily extend to letting them play unsupervised outdoors.
I mean, it doesn't mean the cops won't come knocking on your door because somebody freaks out about seeing a child in public without a parent. Just means you won't go to jail for it. And you may...
I mean, it doesn't mean the cops won't come knocking on your door because somebody freaks out about seeing a child in public without a parent.
Just means you won't go to jail for it.
And you may well be right, depending on locality. I know we have a curfew law which makes your statement true after 9 PM.
I’d guess enough people would be nervous of a police interaction to affect how free they let their kids roam! I talked about race with the other replied so I won’t rehash here, but also situations...
I’d guess enough people would be nervous of a police interaction to affect how free they let their kids roam! I talked about race with the other replied so I won’t rehash here, but also situations like custody battles - I can see not wanting to give the other parent any ammo!
So while these might not be official laws on the books, it may still be a factor in parenting. And I think there’s a certain element of following the crowd: if you don’t see many kids on your street and your kids friends aren’t allowed out, you might decide to keep your kids in too. Any factor which stops a few parents might contribute in a larger way to the overall trend this way
These horror stories are real, but they're mostly a combination of extremely neurotic "do-gooders" who think that it's illegal and police being racist or otherwise specifically paranoid and taking...
These horror stories are real, but they're mostly a combination of extremely neurotic "do-gooders" who think that it's illegal and police being racist or otherwise specifically paranoid and taking liberties with their power. I don't think that any municipalities larger than a small town have made any such laws, that doesn't mean people won't call the cops anyway.
Edit: I wish I didn't have to say this here, but obviously this does not diminish the harm caused by those instances of violence-by-cop. The purpose of this comment is to outline the etiology of these issues, which do not include legislation preventing children from playing in their front yard. These issues are diffuse and cultural, not specifically regulatory.
I’m struggling with how to phrase this so please bear with me! I think it makes sense what you’ve said here about power hungry cops and racism being factors in these laws - BUT, we have to make...
I’m struggling with how to phrase this so please bear with me!
I think it makes sense what you’ve said here about power hungry cops and racism being factors in these laws - BUT, we have to make sure we aren’t centering this conversation around white as the default, right? So while white Americans might be able to dismiss these (laws? Unofficial rules?), they’re still a factor for a large portion of the population (perhaps nationally, perhaps only of given communities) in how they parent and allow their kids to play.
And of course, we know that for the parents of Black and Brown children, them getting in trouble themselves for letting their kids play outside alone is probably a much lower worry than what could happen to the child in a confrontation with police.
Oh, I didn't mean to minimize these issues at all. I couldn't take my adopted sister to the park without an adult due to this sort of pervasive issue. It just is not legislated. The laws being...
Oh, I didn't mean to minimize these issues at all. I couldn't take my adopted sister to the park without an adult due to this sort of pervasive issue. It just is not legislated. The laws being misapplied were not written to weaponize against minority families, they're straightforward "you can't leave a child alone to fend for themselves" laws. These are instances of gross abuse of power of individuals, supported by a racist society. There is a meaningful distinction between de facto regulations and legislative ones, and these situations would barely count as the former category. These are akin to random acts of racist violence, not a systemic practice. Again, that doesn't take away the harm done to the people whose lives are curtailed by these things, but it stems from a generalized fear of child predators, and specific bigots take advantage of that fear.
I'd love to see more research into this to try and establish causal links, but the idea that fostering independence and self-actualization reduces anxiety makes enough sense. I've known a lot of...
I'd love to see more research into this to try and establish causal links, but the idea that fostering independence and self-actualization reduces anxiety makes enough sense. I've known a lot of anxious helicopter parents, and I sometimes wonder if children aren't responding to their parents' anxiety.
Yeah it seems more likely to me from a psychological perspective that there's a genetic component, combined with the fact that if one family member has a stressor in their life contributing to...
Yeah it seems more likely to me from a psychological perspective that there's a genetic component, combined with the fact that if one family member has a stressor in their life contributing to their anxiety it's probably more likely that other family members also do.
Just today I sent my 12 year old to the supermarket to get some bits that we needed to make food. We had been together the day before, so she knew the way, and she was genuinely excited by the...
Just today I sent my 12 year old to the supermarket to get some bits that we needed to make food. We had been together the day before, so she knew the way, and she was genuinely excited by the prospect of some autonomy and trust. Several times I gave her the option of me coming with her after work or whatever, but she wanted to go on her own. So she went, texted me from the shop when she couldn't find something on her list, and came back. Calm as you like and with a spring in her step. Showing her how to trust herself, have independence, and how to help the house in ways that are more than simply "tidy your room" seem to be doing wonders for her.
Xennial here. Trying to strike that good balance.
My 6 year old is allowed to roam the block with a walkie-talkie if they always respond to a 10/20 min checkin. They have free reign to the fenced in backyard with some simple notice. Has been permitted free reign of scissors, glue, and paint as young as 4 (though we had to restrict this as a result of younger sibling).
Next year they'll be allowed to bike the two miles to school or 1/2 mile to the library alone on the local bike path....after we cross the deathtrap that is this one large road which I've started carrying acorns and walnuts to throw at cars that try to run us over mid-crosswalk. They will most likely not have a cellphone, perhaps an old dumb phone.
One thing that helps keep the worrying at bay is to take a deep breath and remember my kid is much, much, much more likely to be abducted and abused or killed by a relative, family friend, or teacher than any random stranger. They also have our phone number and address memorized, as well as knowing proper protocol for getting into a car with anyone other than mom and dad.
I wonder how many of us bucking against the boxing were/are scouts lol.
Oh man I didn't even think about that. My 6 year old is allowed to use the microwave and toaster oven with no supervision. If they want an Eggo they don't even have to ask. When at home dinner is at 5:15 PM and they're allowed to just get their own snacks up until 4 PM.
I should definitely do this.
I've thought out all sorts of scenarios (and have once been road-raged at for spitting on the car of a dude that nearly ran me over), and I'm pretty sure that throwing those things will provide sufficient pissed-off retaliation while being harmless enough that I could represent myself in court to defend against an absurd civil suit.
Spray paint would be preferable, but riskier.
Not a parent but a GenX latchkey kid. It makes me happy to hear about this trend. Being micromanaged isn't good for anyone at any age.
At least in the US, where a lot of the helicopter parenting occurs, violent crime rates are substantially lower now than they were in the 80s and 90s, when it was still common for kids to play outside all day. Especially now that mobile phones are the norm, playing outside is the probably the safest it has been for generations (at least with regards to crime).
Yup, don't forget the abundance of ring cameras, expanded alert systems, cell tracking, license plate recognition software, and the rest of our surveillance society that makes your kid getting snatched up off the street incredibly less likely than it used to be.
Unfortunately negativity bias is stronger than ever now that everyone is tuned into every single piece of bad news. The "It's dangerous out there these days, crime is rising" disinformation preys upon our fears and is an effective tool of oppression. It should be dispelled whenever it comes up and I appreciate you for doing it.
I’m not American so this is just what I’ve picked up from American friends and various news stories, but as I understand it it’s illegal in many states for kids to be alone outside without a parent. Even in the yard (though this may have just be on the military base a friend lived on rather than a state law).
So it’s not necessarily people being neurotic
If those laws exist, it's a relatively recent thing, and is a symptom of the neuroses and not the cause. :)
There are laws about when it's legal to leave a child home alone for days (Usually after 11 but before 15), but those do not necessarily extend to letting them play unsupervised outdoors.
I stand corrected, thank you!
I mean, it doesn't mean the cops won't come knocking on your door because somebody freaks out about seeing a child in public without a parent.
Just means you won't go to jail for it.
And you may well be right, depending on locality. I know we have a curfew law which makes your statement true after 9 PM.
I’d guess enough people would be nervous of a police interaction to affect how free they let their kids roam! I talked about race with the other replied so I won’t rehash here, but also situations like custody battles - I can see not wanting to give the other parent any ammo!
So while these might not be official laws on the books, it may still be a factor in parenting. And I think there’s a certain element of following the crowd: if you don’t see many kids on your street and your kids friends aren’t allowed out, you might decide to keep your kids in too. Any factor which stops a few parents might contribute in a larger way to the overall trend this way
These horror stories are real, but they're mostly a combination of extremely neurotic "do-gooders" who think that it's illegal and police being racist or otherwise specifically paranoid and taking liberties with their power. I don't think that any municipalities larger than a small town have made any such laws, that doesn't mean people won't call the cops anyway.
Edit: I wish I didn't have to say this here, but obviously this does not diminish the harm caused by those instances of violence-by-cop. The purpose of this comment is to outline the etiology of these issues, which do not include legislation preventing children from playing in their front yard. These issues are diffuse and cultural, not specifically regulatory.
I’m struggling with how to phrase this so please bear with me!
I think it makes sense what you’ve said here about power hungry cops and racism being factors in these laws - BUT, we have to make sure we aren’t centering this conversation around white as the default, right? So while white Americans might be able to dismiss these (laws? Unofficial rules?), they’re still a factor for a large portion of the population (perhaps nationally, perhaps only of given communities) in how they parent and allow their kids to play.
And of course, we know that for the parents of Black and Brown children, them getting in trouble themselves for letting their kids play outside alone is probably a much lower worry than what could happen to the child in a confrontation with police.
Oh, I didn't mean to minimize these issues at all. I couldn't take my adopted sister to the park without an adult due to this sort of pervasive issue. It just is not legislated. The laws being misapplied were not written to weaponize against minority families, they're straightforward "you can't leave a child alone to fend for themselves" laws. These are instances of gross abuse of power of individuals, supported by a racist society. There is a meaningful distinction between de facto regulations and legislative ones, and these situations would barely count as the former category. These are akin to random acts of racist violence, not a systemic practice. Again, that doesn't take away the harm done to the people whose lives are curtailed by these things, but it stems from a generalized fear of child predators, and specific bigots take advantage of that fear.
I'd love to see more research into this to try and establish causal links, but the idea that fostering independence and self-actualization reduces anxiety makes enough sense. I've known a lot of anxious helicopter parents, and I sometimes wonder if children aren't responding to their parents' anxiety.
Yeah it seems more likely to me from a psychological perspective that there's a genetic component, combined with the fact that if one family member has a stressor in their life contributing to their anxiety it's probably more likely that other family members also do.
Just today I sent my 12 year old to the supermarket to get some bits that we needed to make food. We had been together the day before, so she knew the way, and she was genuinely excited by the prospect of some autonomy and trust. Several times I gave her the option of me coming with her after work or whatever, but she wanted to go on her own. So she went, texted me from the shop when she couldn't find something on her list, and came back. Calm as you like and with a spring in her step. Showing her how to trust herself, have independence, and how to help the house in ways that are more than simply "tidy your room" seem to be doing wonders for her.
Do we have an un-paywalled archive link?
This is an archive link.