My generation had come up with the most annoying term I have ever heard: adulting. I’ve always hated it because it represents a lot of privilege that I never had. It meant their parents were so...
My generation had come up with the most annoying term I have ever heard: adulting. I’ve always hated it because it represents a lot of privilege that I never had. It meant their parents were so supportive of them that they were able to hold on to their adolescent immaturity well into their 20s. And they were so protected from the horrors of adulthood that they didn’t know how to do basic things like budgeting or how to file taxes. Some were so extreme that they couldn’t even do laundry by themselves.
I find this article interesting because I was not one of those lucky people but I always assumed that they were better emotionally adapted for social things than I were. And it turns out that it was true to the point of being a detriment. That was a surprise. But I guess we all have our problems.
I would like to ask you respectfully to reconsider this attribution, if it is an assumption you are making of people whose situations you do not know. I struggled a lot with these basic things in...
I’ve always hated it because it represents a lot of privilege that I never had. It meant their parents were so supportive of them that they were able to hold on to their adolescent immaturity well into their 20s
I would like to ask you respectfully to reconsider this attribution, if it is an assumption you are making of people whose situations you do not know.
I struggled a lot with these basic things in my early adulthood precisely because of home and family difficulties. I was responsible for taking care of young children when I myself was only a child, which very much affected how much "real world" experience I could get outside of basic domestic duties and diaper-changing - especially navigating otherwise benign social situations as described in the article.
I wasn't exposed to many things not because they were done for me, but because they simply went undone and there was really no reasonable way for me to know to do them. The the first time I was able to live completely on my own, I found it extremely stressful to untangle the mess of my finances, health, civic presence, (ETA:) and social skills after it had festered ignored for years.
It is fine to be annoyed by the term, of course, I'm not a fan of it either. But to assume that people who struggle in these situations struggle because they're soft or privileged - rather than because they are suffering from mental illness or other issues - is pretty uncharitable.
Yeah. I and most others I know who used that term and express the same sentiment now in less dated terms do so because we're riddled with mental illnesses and barely able to keep ourselves alive...
Yeah. I and most others I know who used that term and express the same sentiment now in less dated terms do so because we're riddled with mental illnesses and barely able to keep ourselves alive with assistance, let alone when on our own.
Back to the article, I stopped reading because it just felt so utterly disconnected from anything I've observed in life. I desperately want to live in this world of "mental health acceptance and supportiveness gone too far" that they see around them.
You know what, this might not have been the best place to bring this subject up, because when most people bring up "adulting" they are talking about the more performative aspects, like cleaning,...
You know what, this might not have been the best place to bring this subject up, because when most people bring up "adulting" they are talking about the more performative aspects, like cleaning, budgeting, etc. The problem is that the article is talking about emotional maturity, and that's a separate issue that I've conflated. Emotional issues are very different in their nature. I've got a story much like yours, so I understand what you mean.
I think it's quite a wide avenue for discussion, though. Self-determination involves learning to do these superficial things, and I've definitely seen people get "avoidant" about dealing with...
I think it's quite a wide avenue for discussion, though. Self-determination involves learning to do these superficial things, and I've definitely seen people get "avoidant" about dealing with mundane responsibilities in a way that goes beyond just lacking in experience. Although again there's an intersection with mental illness and trauma and it's really, really tricky to navigate that.
Regardless of confounding factors, I think the process of growth always important, and I think it is also almost always at least a little unpleasant. Lucky people get this in a guided way, over time, with mentors and support to manage the discomfort; I think you and I share the experience of being tossed into the deep end and left to either figure it out or drown. So I get it too, when people complain about "adulting" at age 25, complain about the discomfort of it, and get the kind of sympathy and support you would have killed for when you started "adulting" as a child, it's... a complicated feeling. It's isolating and it's hard not to be a little frustrated.
I only ever saw adulting as a term in the early 2010s. Primarily used by people who were 18-early 20s. I know there are some people that still use that term into their 30s, but I don’t think...
I only ever saw adulting as a term in the early 2010s. Primarily used by people who were 18-early 20s. I know there are some people that still use that term into their 30s, but I don’t think they’re the majority. It seemed to be more of an internet culture thing from back then like “banana for scale” or “narwhals.” Part of the “Le random” humor of the time rather than representative of anything meaningful.
Oh for sure it's mostly faded away now; it only comes up every now and then. But the whole 'shock of adult responsibility' idea remains because there are always young people growing up.
Oh for sure it's mostly faded away now; it only comes up every now and then. But the whole 'shock of adult responsibility' idea remains because there are always young people growing up.
I thought this was going to be about growing up and being able to take care of yourself as an adult. Being independent. Not about handling basic social situations. It is interesting to pontificate...
I thought this was going to be about growing up and being able to take care of yourself as an adult. Being independent. Not about handling basic social situations.
It is interesting to pontificate about something as mundane as showing up to an acquaintance‘s dinner party slightly earlier than everyone else, or simply moving spots when you’re with your friends. Especially when you connect it with the broader “technology is making us distant human beings.”
I didn't think it was particularly deep, but it is very pleasantly introspective. I liked reading this, if only for enjoying seeing this person realize the problems with their behaviour and how to...
I didn't think it was particularly deep, but it is very pleasantly introspective. I liked reading this, if only for enjoying seeing this person realize the problems with their behaviour and how to correct for it, and why all these things are inter-linked.
The past year, I've dealt with a lot of people who simply can't do that. Can't face their smallest fears, can't be adults, and when the issues are pointed out, can't be introspective about it.
Same. In particular I feel like this specific skill has atrophied really badly as a result of being shut in over the course of the pandemic. I imagine it has been the same for many people for whom...
Same. In particular I feel like this specific skill has atrophied really badly as a result of being shut in over the course of the pandemic. I imagine it has been the same for many people for whom interpersonal relationships don't come naturally.
I like this framework a lot. I spent way too much of my life in the avoidant-agreeable corner. I was a complete and utter people pleaser, so it was my standard behavior to put other people’s needs...
I like this framework a lot.
I spent way too much of my life in the avoidant-agreeable corner. I was a complete and utter people pleaser, so it was my standard behavior to put other people’s needs before my own. It took me a long time to move the average of my interactions with others out of that quadrant, and I still have more of them there than I’d like.
My generation had come up with the most annoying term I have ever heard: adulting. I’ve always hated it because it represents a lot of privilege that I never had. It meant their parents were so supportive of them that they were able to hold on to their adolescent immaturity well into their 20s. And they were so protected from the horrors of adulthood that they didn’t know how to do basic things like budgeting or how to file taxes. Some were so extreme that they couldn’t even do laundry by themselves.
I find this article interesting because I was not one of those lucky people but I always assumed that they were better emotionally adapted for social things than I were. And it turns out that it was true to the point of being a detriment. That was a surprise. But I guess we all have our problems.
I would like to ask you respectfully to reconsider this attribution, if it is an assumption you are making of people whose situations you do not know.
I struggled a lot with these basic things in my early adulthood precisely because of home and family difficulties. I was responsible for taking care of young children when I myself was only a child, which very much affected how much "real world" experience I could get outside of basic domestic duties and diaper-changing - especially navigating otherwise benign social situations as described in the article.
I wasn't exposed to many things not because they were done for me, but because they simply went undone and there was really no reasonable way for me to know to do them. The the first time I was able to live completely on my own, I found it extremely stressful to untangle the mess of my finances, health, civic presence, (ETA:) and social skills after it had festered ignored for years.
It is fine to be annoyed by the term, of course, I'm not a fan of it either. But to assume that people who struggle in these situations struggle because they're soft or privileged - rather than because they are suffering from mental illness or other issues - is pretty uncharitable.
Yeah. I and most others I know who used that term and express the same sentiment now in less dated terms do so because we're riddled with mental illnesses and barely able to keep ourselves alive with assistance, let alone when on our own.
Back to the article, I stopped reading because it just felt so utterly disconnected from anything I've observed in life. I desperately want to live in this world of "mental health acceptance and supportiveness gone too far" that they see around them.
You know what, this might not have been the best place to bring this subject up, because when most people bring up "adulting" they are talking about the more performative aspects, like cleaning, budgeting, etc. The problem is that the article is talking about emotional maturity, and that's a separate issue that I've conflated. Emotional issues are very different in their nature. I've got a story much like yours, so I understand what you mean.
I think it's quite a wide avenue for discussion, though. Self-determination involves learning to do these superficial things, and I've definitely seen people get "avoidant" about dealing with mundane responsibilities in a way that goes beyond just lacking in experience. Although again there's an intersection with mental illness and trauma and it's really, really tricky to navigate that.
Regardless of confounding factors, I think the process of growth always important, and I think it is also almost always at least a little unpleasant. Lucky people get this in a guided way, over time, with mentors and support to manage the discomfort; I think you and I share the experience of being tossed into the deep end and left to either figure it out or drown. So I get it too, when people complain about "adulting" at age 25, complain about the discomfort of it, and get the kind of sympathy and support you would have killed for when you started "adulting" as a child, it's... a complicated feeling. It's isolating and it's hard not to be a little frustrated.
I only ever saw adulting as a term in the early 2010s. Primarily used by people who were 18-early 20s. I know there are some people that still use that term into their 30s, but I don’t think they’re the majority. It seemed to be more of an internet culture thing from back then like “banana for scale” or “narwhals.” Part of the “Le random” humor of the time rather than representative of anything meaningful.
Oh for sure it's mostly faded away now; it only comes up every now and then. But the whole 'shock of adult responsibility' idea remains because there are always young people growing up.
For what it’s worth, there’s a Singaporean newspaper running an ongoing “Adulting 101” series that only started in 2021
I thought this was going to be about growing up and being able to take care of yourself as an adult. Being independent. Not about handling basic social situations.
It is interesting to pontificate about something as mundane as showing up to an acquaintance‘s dinner party slightly earlier than everyone else, or simply moving spots when you’re with your friends. Especially when you connect it with the broader “technology is making us distant human beings.”
But there’s nothing that deep here.
I didn't think it was particularly deep, but it is very pleasantly introspective. I liked reading this, if only for enjoying seeing this person realize the problems with their behaviour and how to correct for it, and why all these things are inter-linked.
The past year, I've dealt with a lot of people who simply can't do that. Can't face their smallest fears, can't be adults, and when the issues are pointed out, can't be introspective about it.
Same. In particular I feel like this specific skill has atrophied really badly as a result of being shut in over the course of the pandemic. I imagine it has been the same for many people for whom interpersonal relationships don't come naturally.
I like this framework a lot.
I spent way too much of my life in the avoidant-agreeable corner. I was a complete and utter people pleaser, so it was my standard behavior to put other people’s needs before my own. It took me a long time to move the average of my interactions with others out of that quadrant, and I still have more of them there than I’d like.