From direct experience, this works incredibly well in American society, especially because they're used to people moving a lot within their country; so the concept of starting over is profoundly...
From direct experience, this works incredibly well in American society, especially because they're used to people moving a lot within their country; so the concept of starting over is profoundly ingrained by now.
Some of it still applies to my native, Southern European country, but it's orders of magnitude harder.
Yeah the bit in the article about striking up a conversation with strangers on public transport stood out to me. I suspect it would not be received the same way in Northern Europe either. One...
Yeah the bit in the article about striking up a conversation with strangers on public transport stood out to me. I suspect it would not be received the same way in Northern Europe either. One thing that strikes me when I travel to the US is just how often people strike up a conversation with random strangers. I've had people practically tell me their life story before they even told me their name. When we travelled there with our kids, my daughter asked after a while if unfriendly people exist there - in New York City. Not to say people over here are inherently unfriendly, but it takes more work to make friendships happen.
This is amusing to me, as an American. I visited London in the Spring and felt a bit out of sorts given no one really cares to have a conversation with you; I didn't want to be the cloying...
This is amusing to me, as an American. I visited London in the Spring and felt a bit out of sorts given no one really cares to have a conversation with you; I didn't want to be the cloying American, so I didn't strike up conversations with anyone as I would at home, but that's something that definitely stood out to me.
I have brief conversations just waiting in the checkout line at the store here. I'm not going to be lifelong friends with this person, but it usually leaves me feeling pretty good, especially as someone who used to be cripplingly shy.
Brits generally don't do small talk like Americans, especially when standing in a queue. But go to any pub when footy is on, and you'll find plenty of conversation to be had... in between all the...
I visited London in the Spring and felt a bit out of sorts given no one really cares to have a conversation with you
Brits generally don't do small talk like Americans, especially when standing in a queue. But go to any pub when footy is on, and you'll find plenty of conversation to be had... in between all the singing/chanting, anyways. :P
I recently moved to a new city, so meeting new people has been at the top of my mind for the past few weeks. At the first opportunity, I took the step of baking cookies, walking around the...
I recently moved to a new city, so meeting new people has been at the top of my mind for the past few weeks.
At the first opportunity, I took the step of baking cookies, walking around the neighbourhood, and knocking on doors to introduce myself to all the neighbours--which went super well! Everyone was really friendly. An older couple even invited me into their place to chat and we ended up talking for an hour and a half! It was a lovely way to learn about the neighbourhood.
Since then, though, I've been struggling to come up with an organic way to continue building the relationships I started with the people in our area. I'm running into the same issue the author describes:
My problem with sustaining connection was that I lacked the opportunity for repeated encounters. Going to a lecture, or a happy hour, or a networking event afforded me only one opportunity to connect.
Complicating this issue is that I have a disability that makes hosting an event at my place difficult. Hanging out outside is also difficult this time of year due to the weather.
I would LOVE to show up to an event or even co-host something, but I don't know anyone well enough to broach the idea of co-hosting a dinner or something (maybe a BBQ in the spring?).
I'm intrigued by the author's suggestions:
If you can, it’s a better idea to sign up for activities that give you multiple opportunities to connect, such as a language class, a writing course, an improv class, a book club or, generally, something that repeats over time. When I was living in Atlanta, I became successful at making friends only once I joined a coworking space where I started seeing the same people continually.
A friend from home suggested going to a cafe and/or a gym (I workout at home right now) might be a good way to make some initial contacts and find out what opportunities there are for community-building in our area.
Anyone have any suggestions for how they've made new friends after moving to a new city?
Edit: thank you for your suggestions everyone! I'm confident they will make a genuine difference in my life and in the lives of anyone else who puts them into practice :)
Meetup.com is a great way to find social groups. Toastmasters is also good. Go to your local library and or commutity center, they will often know of social groups that use the facilities. My...
Meetup.com is a great way to find social groups. Toastmasters is also good. Go to your local library and or commutity center, they will often know of social groups that use the facilities. My town's art center has loads of adult art classes and they also run adult sports leagues.
When I first moved in, despite being a rather poor player, I joined the softball league and met a bunch of folks since it was really an excuse to go have a beer afterwards. Same for a wood turning class I took.
Love these suggestions! Thanks for sharing :) I checked out the library page and there are a couple book clubs and classes that run regularly (and free of charge).
Meetup.com is a great way to find social groups. Toastmasters is also good. Go to your local library and or commutity center, they will often know of social groups that use the facilities. My town's art center has loads of adult art classes and they also run adult sports leagues.
Love these suggestions! Thanks for sharing :) I checked out the library page and there are a couple book clubs and classes that run regularly (and free of charge).
Another suggestion if you're a bit nerdy like myself: Is there a local tabletop games/comic/card shop near you? Most host recurring events and so they are a decent place to meet other nerdy people.
Another suggestion if you're a bit nerdy like myself: Is there a local tabletop games/comic/card shop near you? Most host recurring events and so they are a decent place to meet other nerdy people.
Friendships develop through shared interests and repeated contacts. What things do you like to do? Find local places where those things happen, and go there regularly. It doesn't have to be every...
Friendships develop through shared interests and repeated contacts. What things do you like to do? Find local places where those things happen, and go there regularly. It doesn't have to be every day, but maybe a specific time one day a week or every other week. This could be just hanging out at a game store (or playing there), it could be a book club or a bicycling, hiking or kayaking group, it could be an environmental group that clears trash or plants trees, it doesn't take matter. Just sometime that you're interested in, and a time and place that you can go to regularly.
If you can't find that place or a group to do your thing, make one. Tell the people you know, put up notices in places it would be welcome, post it on Meetup and Facebook and your local subreddit. Know that the first few meetings will be sparsely attended, but keep going; people are going to come looking for this thing you've created and you want to be ready for them when they do.
Again, friendships develope through shared interests and repeated contact. Find the spaces where people with today interests meet (or create your own) and go there regularly.
I think you're right ("Be the change" and all that). I'm a pretty introverted guy but I think it might be time to push myself out of my comfort zone. Online options are a good call too! Something...
If you can't find that place or a group to do your thing, make one. Tell the people you know, put up notices in places it would be welcome, post it on Meetup and Facebook and your local subreddit. Know that the first few meetings will be sparsely attended, but keep going; people are going to come looking for this thing you've created and you want to be ready for them when they do.
I think you're right ("Be the change" and all that). I'm a pretty introverted guy but I think it might be time to push myself out of my comfort zone.
Online options are a good call too! Something I haven't given nearly enough of a look
There is one thing I would like to add to this article. If you want someone to be your friend, you should ask them. It’s a dumb and simple thing that might sound childish, but it tends to work...
There is one thing I would like to add to this article. If you want someone to be your friend, you should ask them. It’s a dumb and simple thing that might sound childish, but it tends to work pretty damn well. Though it is one of those things where you need to make sure you are easy to get ahold of - give them your phone number, socials, address, whatever.
The other hint I would give is to go above and beyond what you think would be appropriate for your current friend level. Do favors for them, give them treats you know they will love, let them borrow your tools, and things like that. These kinds of actions ingratiate them to you and that tends to help friendships grow. You might not realize it but they tend to be a form of vulnerability that the article mentions, and drawbacks can happen - they might hate the cake you brought them, or never return your tool.
I'm a big fan of frequenting coffee shops. There are often regulars who visit more hip, downtown places that are sometimes into chatting. That, and it's just a chance to be around people, whether...
I'm a big fan of frequenting coffee shops. There are often regulars who visit more hip, downtown places that are sometimes into chatting. That, and it's just a chance to be around people, whether or not everybody keeps to themselves.
I moved across the world to where my wife grew up so my physical social circle consisted of myself, my in-laws and the couple of friends who still live in the area. I worked nights the first year...
I moved across the world to where my wife grew up so my physical social circle consisted of myself, my in-laws and the couple of friends who still live in the area.
I worked nights the first year we live here for my old US based company and now work day time hours remotely. I love the job I have with it's flexibility but I only have one other person in the company in the country and they live in another state.
I've started to meet a few people at church, but that's been slow going for forming friendships.
I think the article had great tips. It'd be nice to meet more friends, and my wife and I have talked about expanding our social circle as a soft goal for next year. My biggest thing has been initiating it and taking the time to go and meet people.
With all the responsibilities/obligations that I have (parenting, helping with family, trying to build up my fitness so I can keep up with my sone, housework, etc.), I haven't had a day to myself where I could sit down and just relax and do my interests uninterrupted in years. This is only a mild first world complaint. My life is fulfilling and overall good, buy if I had a choice of going out to try and make some new friends during a free evening or reading a book and relaxing, I'd take the reading almost every time.
I still have my friends on the other side of the planet who I keep in touch with and I've made an effort to reach out regularly to guys I'm not as close with to keep our connection there. It's so easy to go 5+ years without saying anything when I'm not the closest with them, but not having social media has made it really rewarding to catch up because I have no idea what anyone is up to.
From direct experience, this works incredibly well in American society, especially because they're used to people moving a lot within their country; so the concept of starting over is profoundly ingrained by now.
Some of it still applies to my native, Southern European country, but it's orders of magnitude harder.
Yeah the bit in the article about striking up a conversation with strangers on public transport stood out to me. I suspect it would not be received the same way in Northern Europe either. One thing that strikes me when I travel to the US is just how often people strike up a conversation with random strangers. I've had people practically tell me their life story before they even told me their name. When we travelled there with our kids, my daughter asked after a while if unfriendly people exist there - in New York City. Not to say people over here are inherently unfriendly, but it takes more work to make friendships happen.
This is amusing to me, as an American. I visited London in the Spring and felt a bit out of sorts given no one really cares to have a conversation with you; I didn't want to be the cloying American, so I didn't strike up conversations with anyone as I would at home, but that's something that definitely stood out to me.
I have brief conversations just waiting in the checkout line at the store here. I'm not going to be lifelong friends with this person, but it usually leaves me feeling pretty good, especially as someone who used to be cripplingly shy.
Brits generally don't do small talk like Americans, especially when standing in a queue. But go to any pub when footy is on, and you'll find plenty of conversation to be had... in between all the singing/chanting, anyways. :P
I recently moved to a new city, so meeting new people has been at the top of my mind for the past few weeks.
At the first opportunity, I took the step of baking cookies, walking around the neighbourhood, and knocking on doors to introduce myself to all the neighbours--which went super well! Everyone was really friendly. An older couple even invited me into their place to chat and we ended up talking for an hour and a half! It was a lovely way to learn about the neighbourhood.
Since then, though, I've been struggling to come up with an organic way to continue building the relationships I started with the people in our area. I'm running into the same issue the author describes:
Complicating this issue is that I have a disability that makes hosting an event at my place difficult. Hanging out outside is also difficult this time of year due to the weather.
I would LOVE to show up to an event or even co-host something, but I don't know anyone well enough to broach the idea of co-hosting a dinner or something (maybe a BBQ in the spring?).
I'm intrigued by the author's suggestions:
A friend from home suggested going to a cafe and/or a gym (I workout at home right now) might be a good way to make some initial contacts and find out what opportunities there are for community-building in our area.
Anyone have any suggestions for how they've made new friends after moving to a new city?
Edit: thank you for your suggestions everyone! I'm confident they will make a genuine difference in my life and in the lives of anyone else who puts them into practice :)
Meetup.com is a great way to find social groups. Toastmasters is also good. Go to your local library and or commutity center, they will often know of social groups that use the facilities. My town's art center has loads of adult art classes and they also run adult sports leagues.
When I first moved in, despite being a rather poor player, I joined the softball league and met a bunch of folks since it was really an excuse to go have a beer afterwards. Same for a wood turning class I took.
Love these suggestions! Thanks for sharing :) I checked out the library page and there are a couple book clubs and classes that run regularly (and free of charge).
Another suggestion if you're a bit nerdy like myself: Is there a local tabletop games/comic/card shop near you? Most host recurring events and so they are a decent place to meet other nerdy people.
Friendships develop through shared interests and repeated contacts. What things do you like to do? Find local places where those things happen, and go there regularly. It doesn't have to be every day, but maybe a specific time one day a week or every other week. This could be just hanging out at a game store (or playing there), it could be a book club or a bicycling, hiking or kayaking group, it could be an environmental group that clears trash or plants trees, it doesn't take matter. Just sometime that you're interested in, and a time and place that you can go to regularly.
If you can't find that place or a group to do your thing, make one. Tell the people you know, put up notices in places it would be welcome, post it on Meetup and Facebook and your local subreddit. Know that the first few meetings will be sparsely attended, but keep going; people are going to come looking for this thing you've created and you want to be ready for them when they do.
Again, friendships develope through shared interests and repeated contact. Find the spaces where people with today interests meet (or create your own) and go there regularly.
I think you're right ("Be the change" and all that). I'm a pretty introverted guy but I think it might be time to push myself out of my comfort zone.
Online options are a good call too! Something I haven't given nearly enough of a look
There is one thing I would like to add to this article. If you want someone to be your friend, you should ask them. It’s a dumb and simple thing that might sound childish, but it tends to work pretty damn well. Though it is one of those things where you need to make sure you are easy to get ahold of - give them your phone number, socials, address, whatever.
The other hint I would give is to go above and beyond what you think would be appropriate for your current friend level. Do favors for them, give them treats you know they will love, let them borrow your tools, and things like that. These kinds of actions ingratiate them to you and that tends to help friendships grow. You might not realize it but they tend to be a form of vulnerability that the article mentions, and drawbacks can happen - they might hate the cake you brought them, or never return your tool.
I'm a big fan of frequenting coffee shops. There are often regulars who visit more hip, downtown places that are sometimes into chatting. That, and it's just a chance to be around people, whether or not everybody keeps to themselves.
I moved across the world to where my wife grew up so my physical social circle consisted of myself, my in-laws and the couple of friends who still live in the area.
I worked nights the first year we live here for my old US based company and now work day time hours remotely. I love the job I have with it's flexibility but I only have one other person in the company in the country and they live in another state.
I've started to meet a few people at church, but that's been slow going for forming friendships.
I think the article had great tips. It'd be nice to meet more friends, and my wife and I have talked about expanding our social circle as a soft goal for next year. My biggest thing has been initiating it and taking the time to go and meet people.
With all the responsibilities/obligations that I have (parenting, helping with family, trying to build up my fitness so I can keep up with my sone, housework, etc.), I haven't had a day to myself where I could sit down and just relax and do my interests uninterrupted in years. This is only a mild first world complaint. My life is fulfilling and overall good, buy if I had a choice of going out to try and make some new friends during a free evening or reading a book and relaxing, I'd take the reading almost every time.
I still have my friends on the other side of the planet who I keep in touch with and I've made an effort to reach out regularly to guys I'm not as close with to keep our connection there. It's so easy to go 5+ years without saying anything when I'm not the closest with them, but not having social media has made it really rewarding to catch up because I have no idea what anyone is up to.