The strangest encounter
I woke up around 23 this evening to some noise from the common room which I live right next to (large apartment building). No biggie, I thought, I have noise cancelling earbuds so I can listen to some music to drown it out. Well, right as it struck 24, it was like a bomb went off. The music was turned up beyond belief and they were yelling and screaming and stomping in the floor to the point that I could feel it in my own floor and my room was shaking a little bit. Absolutely nuts.
Having anxiety, I had to summon the courage for a while to prepare myself to go out and complain about it, and ask them to please keep it down, it's past midnight, people are sleeping, etc. etc.
When I opened my door to the hallway, two guys were standing there, also in pajamas. Obviously in those outfits they were not part of the party so I asked them if they were here to complain too, and they said yeah they live right above the common room and had their sleep ruined because of it. So I said that like, well if we are 3 people from 3 separate apartments, it will probably help a lot that the partiers took it seriously. They had already been in there to complain but they joined me anyways. Turns out the party is because of Iranian new year, and that's why it was a relatively measured party but went so crazy at midnight.
We ended up in the hallway chatting for a while about the noise and one of the guys had even called the police in the past when another party happened, and I said yeah I was thinking of doing the same tonight - it seems to have worked all fine though, so no need, because it's now about 2 o'clock and they are keeping it quiet-ish out there.
The one guy said he's American and only been here for 3 months, so he's not really sure about the customs about parties, nor really the house rules because somebody once knocked on his door to complain to him in the middle of the afternoon because he plays the violin in the symphony orchestra here. So I told him the house rules and whatnot, explaining that no, it's never okay to bother your neighbours like this, no matter the time of day. But the other guy and him share a wall, and he said he never hears him at all - so that's why he was confused about the rules I guess.
Anyway that other guy had to get up super early apparently and went back upstairs to go to bed, so we wished him good night and sleep well, but the American and I smalltalked a little bit more. Just like names, handshake, where are you from, what do you do for a living blah blah. He said that he had had such a long day, doing rehearsals for hours and then played a concert in the evening. So I thought well he really needs to sleep then, so I was about to just say goodnight to him as well, then jokingly said that maybe we'll meet again - as in, complain about noise together some day.
I think he didn't quite get the joke though, so he said that yeah sure, I should come watch him play sometime, they do concerts every week. Or I could come up for tea if I'd like.
So I think I was just asked out on a date???? I'm not really interested in that so if we do go ahead with meeting up again I should probably tell him that, but that I wouldn't mind making a friend. What a story that would be though:
"How did you two meet?"
"Oh we bonded over telling people to shut up."
So yeah, that was pretty strange lol, just a a funny encounter that I wanted to share - probably a bit of a long story. I am not very concise but thanks for reading!
That's a great meetcute! Stories like this are what give me hope for the world.
I've had similiar with my neighbors bonding over our collective hatred of the firefighter across the corner that sets off fireworks for hours every holiday and has 2 dogs that bark nonstop for about 6-12 hours a day.
I do not envy you, wow that sounds miserable
Assuming you're talking about illegal fireworks (aka anything that doesn't stay on the ground, or perhaps those too depending on your local laws), you should report him. Unfortunately there are some firebugs who become firefighters but also commit arson. This behavior unfortunately leads me to believe he could fall into that category. (Obviously not something that can be proven from that alone, though.)
Small town. Don't wanna be 'that guy who harasses the firefighter.' Not good when the guy is buddy buddy with cops and the mayor.
Not only that, but it's quite a jump from "lights off more fireworks than I think is sensible" to "maybe he's an arsonist firefighter." I mean, I'm sure such people exist, but I don't think that logical leap quite clears Occam's Razor.
Constantly barking dogs is just animal abuse, which I hate more than nearly anything. There's only so much you can do about it though, unfortunately. You could call animal control, but a distressing number of people don't take that seriously for some reason.
Constantly barking dogs isn’t animal abuse. It may be a sign of animal abuse, but it absolutely doesn’t guarantee animal abuse. When I was growing up, my family inherited a dog from a grandparent that died. She (the dog) grew up her whole life with a constant companion. Whenever we would leave, even if only a few minutes, she would bark constantly until we returned, just because she had never been left alone before. She was also deaf, so if we even left the room she was in, she would often start barking because she thought she was abandoned. She was absolutely not abused; if anything, she was pampered. But just because her owner died and we had a life, she would bark constantly when we left. We finally found a good home for her that could give her what she needed.
6-12 hours a day. Assuming @vord wasn't employing hyperbole, yeah, that's animal abuse in the form of neglect. Some dogs can't handle being left alone, some can. The difference is the dog's reaction to being alone and how the owner handles it.
You see the distinction implicitly. That dog needed a constant companion because of how she was raised, and you got that for her. You were good guardians. Someone who leaves dogs out to bark for half of every day is not.
I stand by what I said. It may be a sign of neglect, but it doesn’t guarantee neglect. Just like how setting off fireworks doesn’t guarantee someone is a pyromaniac. If my mom didn’t work from home at the time, our dog would have been barking 6-12 hours a day. And it took us nearly a year to find that home. We had to find a shelter that specialized in old dogs of that exact breed. If you were my neighbor, all you would have heard is a dog barking 6-12 hours a day.
Edit : I would even agree that it is likely animal abuse. I just hate this black and white language that people use. There may be other factors that vord isn’t aware of.
Oh certainly, but at the very least, it's a problem that needs addressing. If the owner thinks throwing the dogs outside in a run all day is a sufficient solution, he's wrong.
Besides, doggy daycare or hiring a dogsitter are an option for short-term fixes until a longer-term solution can be found. It takes money, certainly, but then if you haven't got the resources to ensure your dogs aren't stressed out by separation anxiety for half of every day and you aren't capable of keeping your dogs who are prone to such anxiety with you, then ownership of such a dog isn't for you at this time.
It's one thing if you're suddenly in a position where you have to work something out, but that's not the situation for most dog owners. Most people decide to get a dog, and a lot of them have no clue what they're signing up for. I think a lot of people (not most) think of their dogs like furry robots or toys or something, when in reality they are their own creatures with their own personalities and needs. If a dog is left out to bark constantly for hours on end every day, those needs aren't being met. That's just how dogs are.
My guess is that you were talking about his band and so jumping to "then we'll meet again" came across as " i should see you play some time". Good chance he's also beating himself up about that interaction and no one is at their best at 2am after a long day. Maybe just set things straight when you cross paths again.
As for noise, I'm just glad it was a civil confrontation. I was mostly in places where we would post noise complaints about people arguing over the noise or have two watch parties going to war over a game. But the worst is when you literally can't complain.
Like when my wife and I got our first place together, we figured we were lucky because the old landlady lived above and all the college students would keep in down. And first night we moved in, 10pm on the dot her washing machine turns on and sounds like a wobbling jet engine. But no worries, she was sure to drown out the sound with religious music. Took about a month before I broke down to complain and she was surprisingly wholesome about it. She just started doing laundry in the day and even baked us apology cookies.
Right now I'm just happy to be in my own place and the neighborhood (except one person) is accommodating about noise and street parking.
Interesting ~~~
I've met some people who would never go visit a neighbour's home, and I've met others who strongly lament that people are so cold they never visit their homes despite repeated invites.
Perhaps they're from a culture that has a sort of open door policy where folks can drop by anytime anywhere, and not so much a romantic date? At least that would be my read of the situation and also I would never feel comfortable visiting someone's home alone either.
As for the new year noises...... I'm slightly conflicted between (1) dudes that's your culture but you need to not do your culture if it bothers people, and (2) hey man, it's one day a year and folks are loud on Dec 31/Jan 1 too.
I visited St Spiridon in downtown Seattle once, and I commented that their bells are super loud and that the apartment buildings next to them must hate us on Easter morning. Their response: the church building had been here since Seattle was just a town in late 1800s, the neighbors had plenty of notice.
So is socially acceptable noise level a...who came first thing, or a who's the dominant population thing?
House rules are house rules. Every other day of the year it is expected you follow the rules which say it must be quiet between 23 and 7 and you should not bother neighbours with loud noises or music during daytime anyways. It's pretty vague though and people break them in weekends often but if you do want to host a party you are supposed to give advance notice. To be fair, yeah there is also something to be said about living in an apartment. Certain amounts of noise is to be expected from neighbours.
About the social acceptability and dominant population thing, that seems to be a heavy philosophical debate that I don't think I can participate in. I can say though that out of the 3 of us that were there to complain, I am the only Dane, like I'm the only "dominant population". The other one said he is half Iranian, half Danish, so knew about this Iranian new year, and the third one is Chinese-American. So all 3 of us were more or less from completely different cultures so I don't think we were discriminating when all of us felt like it was unacceptable. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to respect one another's sleep. Yes people don't follow them on western new year's, but that is to be expected because that's 99% of the country that celebrates it and everyone is awake anyway.
Completely understand and yes you're right! Particularly what you said about advanced notice: if they have a cultural thing, it's up to them to book a party place that would be okay with noise at that hour. A regular apartment where people are sleeping is not appropriate place to celebrate
Quick update
Felt brave for a moment and went to knock on his door, mentioned I wanted to clarify intentions etc., was very awkward but he said he did not intend for us to hang out after the concert. So I just said that that's alright, but maybe I can still ask for the discounted tickets and I can bring my mom. He would look into that. Smalltalked a bit, showed me his playing the violin. Then he started shamelessly hitting on me, a lot of compliments, very huggy.. so I had to come out and say I'm a lesbian and I don't want to mislead him but that we can be friends. He seemed fine with all that thankfully so we'll see what happens
As an American man, I think this is very much on brand for men here. I would expect that now that he knows the "lay of the land" as it were, he will not bother you again. He may also not approach you or attempt to be overly friendly, or become true friends. I wouldn't take it personally, many American men are uncomfortable with females as friends, and since you've put his romantic intentions to rest, he may just move on.
Not exclusive to just Americans nor men - I have been in this position before but that was when I was younger. I allowed the crush to build and when I was rejected I had to stop talking to her because it was too painful otherwise. So I wouldn't blame him at all. But at least it's someone to be friendly with right? It's nice to know my neighbours. a kind of camaraderie with those in your physical vicinity is nice.
Anyway he came back in regards to those tickets, he had been to practice and asked his manager about how it works. He had definitely thought about what I said and he was still super friendly but no hugs or anything this time. And he brought me a Chinese snack, some kind of sweet potato? And he invited me for tea again, which I politely declined since I had a commitment but that I'm happy to figure something else out.
So, seems good for now!
I am glad it seems to be working out! And also that he's respecting the boundaries and also still being friendly! I didn't mean to imply that the phenomenon was strictly male or American, but I wanted to just give you a bit of context from my point of view.
I think sometimes Americans are seen as overly friendly to many Europeans and Scandinavians - occasionally to the point of it being seen as a phony friendliness; which, I think sometimes is true to a degree. I even find myself thinking the friendliness is a facade in certain parts of the country (looking at you, deep south!).
My wife has Norwegian relatives, and I've been there a few times, so I have experienced the slight mistrust of my outward friendliness first hand. I asked her family about it one time, and the response I got was "Most people think Americans are too friendly and it is off putting to us." I have found that directness and a certain level of remaining aloof seems to do better there. But like I said, even as an American I can totally understand the perspective! There's nothing inherently wrong with it, just cultural differences.
Y E P !
I have made quite a few other American acquaintances here since a friend of mine's wife is American, and I am always in doubt about these things. I'm pretty sure they just said things to be nice, like a couple asked if I want to come over sometime - I then took them up on it but it felt like they didn't actually mean it. It's super confusing as a Scandinavian because we are all very cold and almost always shut out strangers. Which makes it hard to make new friends outside of school/work. So I do like how open Americans are, they are always very friendly and hospitable and invite people for stuff.
Was hanging out briefly with one of them and he saw someone he knew and said he's going to introduce me to her. I was genuinely shocked lol, a Dane would never have done that. This was positive of course but I agree with your family in law that it can be very off putting - mostly because it's just so foreign to us.
What an unexpectedly cute story!
It’s unclear whether or not it’s a date, of course, but you did say that he has only been there a few months. As someone who’s moved a decent amount in my life, meeting people and making friends are always the toughest part after a move. It could be that he was just happy to meet someone he seemed to click with in a new setting for him, or there could be romantic interest in there too as well.
Regardless of the intentions, knowing your neighbors is a good thing, so I say see him again if you’re comfortable with that! Having a less spontaneous meetup will be a chance to connect and clear up any ambiguity.
Obviously you have all the extra context that we can't get reading the story, but if someone said that maybe we'd meet again, I'd probably have a similar response even if I had no interest in dating that person. So I'm not saying it's not what you are thinking; I'm just saying that from what you said in your story, I'd be a little cautious. But if you're interested and you end up being wrong about his intentions, that's not a big deal.