If there was a giant meteor hurtling at the earth, and the end was near, what would you regret having not done?
I’ll go first:
I had this thought a few years ago, and for me it was my desire to write and perform music. Yes, I wanted to be a “rock star” in a way. I had a bit of skill, and some song ideas, while at the same time the idea of putting my soul out in front of everyone scared the crap out of me. I have major stage fright.
So.. being the nerdy control freak that I am, I started my own Open Mic night at a friend’s bar. For many weeks I drove all of my audio gear there, I hosted lots of amazing people.. and eventually I performed. I played and sang my three songs. People loved it, but all the while my lips turned blue due to lack of normal breathing, and I certainly never made eye contact with the crowd more than once. That night I felt like I accomplished my goal, and learned my limits. Mission accomplished, I am now ready for the theoretical end.
Would you have any regrets in a similar thought experiment?
You've told us what you won't regret, but that kind of dodges your own question. Would there still be something you'd regret not doing if that hypothetical meteor suddenly appeared in the sky? Or, having sung in public, do you have absolutely nothing at all left on your bucket list? :P
Do I have nothing left on my bucket list?
Well, not really. I mean there are things I see myself doing in the future, and there are regrets I have, as some other folks seem to have brought up here.. mostly wasting time being depressed. And that was just in the last couple years. Prior to that I pretty much lived my life according to Herman Hesse’s Sidartha, all the while trying to keep it from getting too Fear and Loathing.
I have lived in many places, and been many people. I realized long ago how lucky I was to have lived the life that I had. I had major loves with a couple amazing women, cliff-dropped into powder on my snowboard, spent a decade living on a tropical island like a millionaire even though I wasn’t one, had my own 14 foot boat on a dock that I got more joy out of than most yacht owners, learned to free dive and found true peace in the ocean, built a company (for someone else, but over 10 years revenue rose >15x), and finally found a way my jumbled mind could meditate (sometimes.) I’m definitely not ready to die, but if I did it would certainly have been a full life. edit:upon further review, I might come off as an a-hole here, but f-it
The reason I posted this question is that I’m coming out of a major depression that left actual physical scars on me. I just realized that I’ve kicked depression, and self-destruction’s ass, many times in my life. I also realized that each time it only took identifying one “oh-shit-the-meteor’s-coming-regret,” and acting on it to make the change. This time it was just realizing that being depressed sucks, and I can do better, I’m not fading out like that.
I was hoping that this thought experiment might help my fellow Tildestinos either find comfort in their life upon reflection, or to light a fire under their ass :)
I would really like to thank you for posing that challenging response to my topic, and for your label to my reply.
Also, there is one thing that I would completely regret in this thought experiment.. I need to get my private pilot’s license and fly low and slow. It is actually ridiculous that I didn’t say that before, as it’s been something I’ve been thinking about since I had stacks of books about airplanes in my early teens.
I was sure that I would be a pilot until the easy money of tech drew me in. Instead, while by modern standards I am certainly no dev, I did code the UI and card reader components for one of the first touchscreen airline check-in systems. There was just two of us devs, and we managed to “disrupt” a lot. My partner abstracted the TTY SABRE CLI into objects, and I implemented UI. In the end, ticket agents sabotaged my 100+ “kiosks” at Alaska Air, and I realized that I was automating people out of their mortgage payments. The final straw was when I learned the official HR rule was that 1 “kiosk” = 1/3 of a human. So 3 machines = 1 lay-off. That’s when I moved to a tropical island and tried to learn a new skill :)
But I totally skipped learning to fly, and I failed to mention that dream in my previous reply.
Thanks again for provoking me to dig deeper.
Edit: lots of edits for clarity
Nothing, really. I'd have found a way to stop living without hurting anyone else in the process. That's such a great out.
There are things I want to do, of course, but they're more like trying to entertain yourself while stuck in the waiting room than they are true goals or aspirations. You don't leave that experience feeling bad because you didn't play Sudoku in the magazine laying nearby, you know? You do everything you can while stuck in the situation, but once you have a way out it doesn't matter in the slightest.
I would regret every moment I spent working for pay.
Not for anything serious. There was a reason for everything I didn't do, just like there was a reason for everything that I did. I do regret stuff. I regret not ending a few of my relationships sooner. I regret starting a masters degree in a field I didn't love. I regret not starting on IT sooner. Those are regrets that make me think of ways to correct my future behavior, but I don't wish to turn back time in order to get it right.
But I love food, and I will be very sad if I die without tasting some of the best pizza slices in NYC and also the traditional Neapolitan pizza in the city of Naples.
I went to naples and went to a place that was supposed to have good pizza. I waited there for 2 hours to find a real disappointment lol. I hope you have a better experience. But definitely do visit Italy. I went there for a month this and last year and I loved it. The food is great and don't get me started on the coffee
But did you have good pizza elsewhere in Naples? What else did you eat that was good? (I want names and locations! I'm serious about this stuff! :)
If you want I can write down a list of my favorite places in Italy. I'll get on to it tonight haha.
That would be great!
Just so you know : I didn't forget this. I will still write it down, I am just super swamped with homework and deadlines right now haha. But one place I can't leave unmentioned is :
NP Caffe.
We went to Verona again, just for this coffee. It was seriously the best coffee I had in my life. The owner is a master of his craft and obviously values making every drink an experience. The best coffee I had in my life. And I have probably tried 50 different places in Italy
Living.
My childhood and adolescence were pretty much controlled by both my parents and by finances. You can't exactly go out and hang out with friends if your mother won't let you or if you can't afford the gas, or if there's not even a bus stop anywhere around that you can take to get anywhere. Then I moved out and have been responsible for my own financial stability ever since, focusing on getting through college and never really giving myself the time to hang out with friends or make new ones while actually in college. Then I ended up focusing primarily on keeping myself afloat.
Right now I make a little more than my break-even point with expenses and tax withholdings, but I don't make nearly enough to afford a car (I'm just trying to slowly build an emergency fund in case things go south) so I can't even go out somewhere outside of a very restrictive bus route and schedule. I could be making a lot more, but I would likely be working crazier hours (e.g. 60+ as opposed to the 40 I work now) and the opportunity I have now could potentially pay off huge dividends if I stick through it over the next few years and things turn out as well as the early indicators suggest they will (i.e. possibly retirement-before-the-age-of-30 dividends). That payoff isn't guaranteed by any means, but I'm taking on that risk nonetheless. In the worst case, I should at least be able to pay off my debt.
In short, during the years where I should have had the greatest amount of personal freedom, I couldn't make use of it, and now that those years have passed, I'm sacrificing some short-term freedom in trying to secure a financial future that will actually allow me to have the freedom that I missed out on.
If a giant meteor were on its way and ready to wipe out everything, then all of that effort and sacrifice would be wasted before I could even see the outcome of it. I would have lived my life not fully being able to enjoy or appreciate it and all of the ordinary opportunities to do so, the ones that are only really available during your youngest years, will have already passed me by without the smallest hint of fanfare.
Other than that, I wouldn't really have any regrets. Every bad experience and stupid mistake has taught me a valuable lesson and made me who I am now. As long as I can stick around long enough to make it all worth it, I don't mind the bumps along the way :)
That all sounds very reasonable. I would just like to add one thing I learned the hard way.
Make sure that this is all in writing, and your personal lawyer spent an hour or two looking at it. Once money gets real, people get really weird.
I'll clarify: it's a startup and stock options are involved. There was plenty of review of legal documents, including determining ownership percentage, prior to signing on. Multiple signatures, personal copies, all standard stuff. I'm covered legally. I sure as shit wouldn't accept this kind of risk without having this all in writing.
Thanks for looking out, though!
I don't know. I have a couple of barely formed thought bubbles hanging around the back of my head - some "one day" things.
I mean, I've done most of what I wanted to do:
I got into my perfect career (even if I had to leave it later).
I owned my own business.
I completed a university qualification.
I wrote, directed, and produced my own play.
I even jumped out of a plane once! (The most terrifying minute of my life.)
The important things I wanted to do, I've done. I know there should be other things, like travel, and marriage, and children, and wealth... but none of those things really interest me.
The two thought bubbles floating around are:
Write a novel about the Roman Emperor Augustus.
Make a movie out of my play. (In retrospect, it would make a better movie than a play.)
These things might bother me if that meteor appeared in the sky, but not to any great degree.
Anything from 2008-2012. I applied for jobs, and stopped. I became the stereotype of the basement-dwelling internet neckbeard (but, left-wing instead of right), sans basement. It took a couple years of going to work to really start to undo that mess, because I've lost a lot of time to the festering insecurities that got worse through then.
More lighthearted, I have an album I can't seem to get right for release, and need to work on that but can't being to figure out how to tie it together.
My regrets:
I feel all of that. Well, unless you’re in your 80’s there is plenty of time to take care of each item!
edit:derpy spelling
You should post this on ~tildes
Not seeing a Foo Fighters concert in person.