24 votes

What are you grateful for?

In the spirit of the holidays, I'd like to know what Tildes users are thankful for.

42 comments

  1. [3]
    zara
    Link
    My mother passed away last night and in trying to keep myself sane, I've been reminding myself of what I'm thankful for: My mother was 56 when she died and I know she could've died a lot sooner,...

    My mother passed away last night and in trying to keep myself sane, I've been reminding myself of what I'm thankful for:

    1. My mother was 56 when she died and I know she could've died a lot sooner, so I'm lucky that I had her for as long as I did.

    2. The nurses gave her pain medicine before they turned off the machines and she was already pretty sedated so I know she left in peace.

    3. She was surrounded by family and several friends in her hospital bed; she was never alone.

    4. She has so many family members and friends who enjoyed her company and who've given me their sympathies.

    5. A lot of the logistics are being taken cared of by other people, so I don't have much to worry about.

    6. I'm 23; I've got a lot to do and see, I think.

    17 votes
    1. [2]
      monarda
      Link Parent
      I'm grateful too that you had your mother as long as you did. This question you posted and your response shows, to me at least, that she lived long enough to give you the ability to find the good...

      I'm grateful too that you had your mother as long as you did. This question you posted and your response shows, to me at least, that she lived long enough to give you the ability to find the good in a most painful moment. So many people don't never get that even when life is okay, much less when pain wants to wash us away. She did good!

      There's a beauty in love that surrounds a dying person, and it makes me happysad to know that your mother was not alone or in pain when she passed. What a wonderful gift everyone gave to her and to themselves.

      Please take care of yourself. And if you don't know it, know that it is okay to embrace any of the pain you might be feeling. And if it hurts too much, reach out if you need to.

      I wish for you all the good things.

      5 votes
      1. zara
        Link Parent
        Thank you for taking the time to write this comment and wish me well. :)

        Thank you for taking the time to write this comment and wish me well. :)

        4 votes
  2. [3]
    hamstergeddon
    Link
    After a couple years of trying my wife and I found out were were pregnant last December. A month or so later we learned it was twins and they were born this June. They spent a few weeks in the...

    After a couple years of trying my wife and I found out were were pregnant last December. A month or so later we learned it was twins and they were born this June. They spent a few weeks in the NICU since they were almost 2 months premature, but they're a little over 4 months old now and perfectly healthy. They're our first kids and man this has been such a fun (and exhausting) adventure that I wouldn't trade for the world.

    So thankful that they're healthy despite early concerns and that they're in our lives.

    19 votes
    1. [2]
      zara
      Link Parent
      That's truly wonderful to hear. I hope you and your family have a great time in the upcoming holidays!

      That's truly wonderful to hear. I hope you and your family have a great time in the upcoming holidays!

      4 votes
      1. hamstergeddon
        Link Parent
        Thanks, enjoy your holidays as well!

        Thanks, enjoy your holidays as well!

        4 votes
  3. [2]
    Gaywallet
    Link
    I'm grateful that I am no longer with my ex. We broke up at the beginning of this year. Or perhaps more accurately I broke up with her a few months after she tried to break up with me but then...

    I'm grateful that I am no longer with my ex. We broke up at the beginning of this year. Or perhaps more accurately I broke up with her a few months after she tried to break up with me but then changed her mind after I told her we should try more couples therapy first. It hasn't been easy for either of us for different reasons, but it has been the push that resulted in her first personal therapy session since I've known her and it has resulted in me living a much more authentic version of my own life and has propelled me down the long route to self-discovery in a way I've never really known myself. I'm grateful that it's affected both our lives in an ultimately positive way.

    I'm also grateful for all the friends and partners I've met since breaking up with the ex. It's been a long time since I've been a practicing poly (went mono for the ex) and I honestly can't imagine myself ever going mono again. The ability to search out different kinds of relationships which support my needs and desires is incredibly freeing and I don't think I've been this happy in a long, long time.

    14 votes
    1. zara
      Link Parent
      It's great to hear you're moving on with no hard feelings towards your ex. :) And I wish you luck in practicing poly!

      It's great to hear you're moving on with no hard feelings towards your ex. :)

      And I wish you luck in practicing poly!

      2 votes
  4. [8]
    kfwyre
    (edited )
    Link
    Earlier this year I had a watershed moment that I didn't even really realize was significant until after the fact. I kind of stumbled into it unthinkingly and was then taken aback once I dwelled...

    Earlier this year I had a watershed moment that I didn't even really realize was significant until after the fact. I kind of stumbled into it unthinkingly and was then taken aback once I dwelled on it.

    I was thinking about how long it had been since I came out and how much had changed since then, when I realized that enough time had passed that I had officially spent more of my life out, as an openly gay man, than I had spent closeted. There isn't a word for this moment in a queer person's life (to the best of my knowledge) but I feel like we need one, because that moment felt like a birthday of sorts to me. A watershed. A turning point.

    Up to that point, if I were to put the duration of my life on a balance, it would have tilted heavily towards a side filled with fear. After I became aware, as a child, that I was different from everyone else in an unspeakable way, I spent over a decade hiding who I was, hating who I was, and living underneath the weight of a world that didn't want people like me in it. I've gone into detail in other posts here about growing up gay in a conservative religious household, but suffice it to say here that it was toxic. I do not look at my childhood or formative years with fondness. All I remember is shame and fear.

    Those years were hell, and for most of my life they were, well, most of my life. But not anymore. I now have more time on the clock living as an honest and true representation of myself than I do suffering under a lie. It's not that coming out made everything suddenly peachy for me. Quite the contrary, actually -- my darkest moments were the ones that followed my self-declaration, and I very nearly didn't make it through them.

    But alongside that darkness was also the reality that coming out marked for me the moment I decided that my life as I knew it had worth and that my dignity was non-negotiable. It was the moment where I stopped trying to fit into a world that didn't want me in it and instead worked to rightfully claim some space for people like me.

    I've seen a lot of progress. I've seen mountains move. And I'm not even that old! I come home every day to a loving husband in a house that we own together. It's plain and domestic, nothing exciting, but for me it's a thrill because it's something I never thought I would ever have. Those years in the closet were years that I was told marriage wasn't a thing for people like me. It wasn't something we could do. It didn't, and wouldn't ever, belong to us.

    Even after coming out I had to live with the reality that it might not ever be mine -- even after starting to date the man who would later become my husband. We were mutually monogamous for years but remained unmarried because, well, it simply wasn't an option, and as such wasn't one we planned on. How can you plan for a future that's continually denied to you?

    When I think about what I have in life now, it makes my heart burst. I am living my dream -- the one that was almost stamped out by hatred. The one that I was told over and over again wasn't mine to have. I'm out. I'm open. I'm honest. I'm safe. I'm married. I'm loved. No more fear. No more shame.

    I am so very grateful for my life as I live it now, and I live it now as thank you to that little terrified kid I used to be. I owe everything to him, because he somehow found within him the strength and courage to keep on going underneath the hatred that suffocated him day in and day out, year after agonizing year. He deserved so much more, and it's now that I get to repay him by being the very person he was not allowed to be.

    I'm grateful to the progress we've made as a society. I'm grateful to the people who have helped me along the way. I'm grateful that I live in a place where I can be myself without fear of harm, persecution, or discrimination.

    I am grateful that I have this opportunity. Though I didn't feel this way for many, many years, I am lucky. There are many like me for whom this chance was denied. There are many like me whose lives were cut short. I am grateful to those who went before me and sacrificed so much so that I could have the chances and opportunities in life that, unfairly and unjustly, weren't afforded to them. I hope to pay it forward. I hope I live to see a world where people don't know closets anymore -- where openness and acceptance are the norm.

    I get to live an unexpected life. It's both amazing and humbling, but it took a lot of time for me to get here. As such, I'm grateful that, finally, my life is now balanced in my favor. The years I spent in fear are now outweighed and outnumbered. There's now more to who I am than who I'm not, and each passing day adjusts that balance for the better. I'm no longer defined by the depth of my self-denial but by the ever increasing breadth of my genuine self-expression. I am increasingly myself, more and more, and that is a wonderful thing I will never take for granted.

    13 votes
    1. [3]
      zara
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      Words cannot describe how happy I am for you. :D By the way, do you happen to be a writer, cause that was beautiful to read.

      Words cannot describe how happy I am for you. :D

      By the way, do you happen to be a writer, cause that was beautiful to read.

      4 votes
      1. [2]
        kfwyre
        Link Parent
        Thank you. I'm not a writer in the traditional sense, but I am in the sense that I make really wordy Tildes comments somewhat frequently. Also, my heart goes out to you right now and what you're...

        Thank you. I'm not a writer in the traditional sense, but I am in the sense that I make really wordy Tildes comments somewhat frequently.

        Also, my heart goes out to you right now and what you're going through. I wish you peace.

        4 votes
        1. zara
          Link Parent
          Thank you for the well wishes. :)

          Thank you for the well wishes. :)

          3 votes
    2. [4]
      Leonidas
      Link Parent
      Thank you so much for sharing this. While my background wasn't nearly as repressive as yours, it still took me years once I figured my sexuality out to come to terms with it, let alone get over my...

      Thank you so much for sharing this. While my background wasn't nearly as repressive as yours, it still took me years once I figured my sexuality out to come to terms with it, let alone get over my fear of telling anyone, so your words resonated with me a lot. My family and friends from high school know, but I'm still not out to anyone at college now (I'm a freshman), so I guess I've still got work to do on that front. Haven't been in any relationships either, although I suppose there's plenty more time for that to happen! The fact that you've gone through all that and found happiness is really inspiring to me. :)

      3 votes
      1. [3]
        zara
        Link Parent
        You've got plenty of time to try out a bunch of dumb shit and see what works for you, but in the meantime, I'm glad you were able to find inspiration from this user's comment.

        You've got plenty of time to try out a bunch of dumb shit and see what works for you, but in the meantime, I'm glad you were able to find inspiration from this user's comment.

        3 votes
        1. [2]
          Leonidas
          Link Parent
          Oh, absolutely ;) And thanks for posting this topic, it's been very interesting and this internet stranger is behind you 100% with what you're going through.

          Oh, absolutely ;) And thanks for posting this topic, it's been very interesting and this internet stranger is behind you 100% with what you're going through.

          3 votes
          1. zara
            Link Parent
            Aw shucks, thanks!

            Aw shucks, thanks!

            2 votes
  5. [3]
    Kuromantis
    Link
    The fact that I can speak 2 languages or more specifically English. Most of what I consume has been in English since the very beginning and I don't know who I would be without it. There are so...

    The fact that I can speak 2 languages or more specifically English. Most of what I consume has been in English since the very beginning and I don't know who I would be without it. There are so many informative YouTube channels I watch are in English that just don't exist or have a counterpart in my my native language (Brazilian Portuguese) and just how much I talk to people mostly in the US and Europe in sites like these despite being at least 5000 km, 5 income brackets and a decade of age removed from you. I don't know if such discussion is available in my language. Most people I know would be surprised to know I speak to Americans and Europeans daily while to me it just comes as normal.

    10 votes
    1. hamstergeddon
      Link Parent
      I really wish I had the dedication and attention span (thanks, ADHD) to learn Spanish so I could be bilingual. Took it in highschool, tried duolingo half a dozen times, but aside from a few basic...

      I really wish I had the dedication and attention span (thanks, ADHD) to learn Spanish so I could be bilingual. Took it in highschool, tried duolingo half a dozen times, but aside from a few basic words and phrases nothing seems to stick. Maybe when my kids are older and learning it in school I'll get motivated again and learn it.

      But anyway, it really is cool that we can share a language and communicate with folks around the planet. We've got such an easy and open exchanging of ideas, news, and even just casual conversation. Despite the internet making me lose hope in humanity constantly, I'd like to think it's all a net good for our species.

      4 votes
    2. zara
      Link Parent
      It's great you've been able to have such rich converstaions, I'm just sorry you aren't able to have something similar in Brazil.

      It's great you've been able to have such rich converstaions, I'm just sorry you aren't able to have something similar in Brazil.

      3 votes
  6. [9]
    Luna
    Link
    Estrogen. It'll be a while before it really works its magic on my body, but it has definitely improved my mental state - things feel a lot more right now.

    Estrogen. It'll be a while before it really works its magic on my body, but it has definitely improved my mental state - things feel a lot more right now.

    9 votes
    1. [3]
      tindall
      Link Parent
      Yep yep yep. It's a hell of a drug, but everything it's done to me has been really positive, so far - except that I'm rather chilly all the time now.

      Yep yep yep. It's a hell of a drug, but everything it's done to me has been really positive, so far - except that I'm rather chilly all the time now.

      5 votes
      1. [2]
        Gaywallet
        Link Parent
        Shoot I wish I could be chilly all the time. You can always wrap yourself in more fuzzy blankets and drink warm drinks. There's no good way to cool yourself down when it's 80 degrees at midnight...

        except that I'm rather chilly all the time now.

        Shoot I wish I could be chilly all the time. You can always wrap yourself in more fuzzy blankets and drink warm drinks. There's no good way to cool yourself down when it's 80 degrees at midnight and you're trying to get to sleep.

        4 votes
        1. tindall
          Link Parent
          It's been a really mixed bag, tbh! On the one hand, you're right; you'll never see me without a cup of coffee or tea or something, and it's lovely. On the other hand, I've gotten strep throat...

          It's been a really mixed bag, tbh! On the one hand, you're right; you'll never see me without a cup of coffee or tea or something, and it's lovely. On the other hand, I've gotten strep throat twice since I started E because I didn't realize how much less my body was able to maintain a healthy temperature, especially in my throat. So now it's all scarves all the time, at least until summer.

          5 votes
    2. [5]
      zara
      Link Parent
      Well, that's great to hear! May I ask if you are transitioning?

      Well, that's great to hear! May I ask if you are transitioning?

      3 votes
      1. [4]
        Luna
        Link Parent
        Yes, it's going to take a long time, but I cannot bear the thought of growing old as a man. I began taking estradiol (in pill form) a few weeks ago when a friend of mine gave me her leftover pills...

        Yes, it's going to take a long time, but I cannot bear the thought of growing old as a man. I began taking estradiol (in pill form) a few weeks ago when a friend of mine gave me her leftover pills (since she switched to injections), tomorrow I'll be changing to estradiol patches since I finally got a prescription for it and spironolactone.

        I ran from the truth for far too long. 21 isn't a bad age to start transitioning at, but I wish I had been honest with myself sooner, as it could have prevented a lot of destructive behavior during middle school and high school.

        3 votes
        1. zara
          Link Parent
          I'm sorry your history was fraught with destructive behavior, but you are here now, and now your new life begins.

          I'm sorry your history was fraught with destructive behavior, but you are here now, and now your new life begins.

          3 votes
        2. Gaywallet
          Link Parent
          You can't beat yourself up like that. It's not like they're teaching about gender and gender issues to every kid from birth. I would say society is more to blame for not identifying and offering...

          I wish I had been honest with myself sooner, as it could have prevented a lot of destructive behavior during middle school and high school.

          You can't beat yourself up like that. It's not like they're teaching about gender and gender issues to every kid from birth. I would say society is more to blame for not identifying and offering education to you from an early age.

          I also disagree with the whole concept of 'being honest with yourself'. If you're avoiding your own truth, there's a damn good reason you're doing so and it's usually because there's ramifications for confronting or living your honest self (and that's of course assuming you even have the correct tools to recognize and realize said self, which you may not depending on what kind of education you get in the home, at school, and socially).

          You're doing fantastic, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

          3 votes
        3. kfwyre
          Link Parent
          Congratulations! That's a huge step forward. Similar to what @Gaywallet said, I'm a big fan of the idea that LGBT people move at the pace that we need to. I've spent a lot of time second guessing...

          Congratulations! That's a huge step forward.

          Similar to what @Gaywallet said, I'm a big fan of the idea that LGBT people move at the pace that we need to. I've spent a lot of time second guessing my actions and wondering why I waited as long as I did to finally come out, but I have to remember that my reasons for questioning and waiting were real and valid in the moment, even if in hindsight I can see more clearly. We have so much to juggle in coming to terms with our own identities, much less all of the baggage that gets thrust upon us by society, that the speed with which we move is our own, and we get to where we need to be when we're ready. I'm glad you've gotten where you need to be. There is so much bright future ahead of you now!

          3 votes
  7. [3]
    monarda
    (edited )
    Link
    I really needed to be asked this question. I'm grateful that my sons speak to me. I wasn't a good mother when they were younger, but I grew up, and they did too, and they seek me out in their...

    I really needed to be asked this question.

    I'm grateful that my sons speak to me. I wasn't a good mother when they were younger, but I grew up, and they did too, and they seek me out in their adult lives as much as I seek them out. And there is nothing better in the world.

    I'm grateful that I am in a position that I can go to school. I know people that went through similar things as I did, and many of them today just want bus money. I am so grateful that is not me anymore.

    I am grateful that I can share what I am grateful for and it will be seen, and I am not in a void.

    I am grateful that I got to experience a slice of Bishop. It is rare to see someone so open, and it was a gift to see them speak.

    I'm grateful that I decided to live.

    8 votes
    1. [2]
      zara
      Link Parent
      It's wonderful to hear of how you've grown as a person; a lot of people are too stubborn to even admit they're wrong, so kudos for doing that AND to actually making chsnges. Also, who is Bishop?

      It's wonderful to hear of how you've grown as a person; a lot of people are too stubborn to even admit they're wrong, so kudos for doing that AND to actually making chsnges.

      Also, who is Bishop?

      4 votes
  8. [2]
    krg
    Link
    I'm grateful that all of my afflictions are mental, not physical (though they sometimes physically manifest). Being able-bodied is pretty nice. I'd be pretty sad if I lost the use of my hands, for...

    I'm grateful that all of my afflictions are mental, not physical (though they sometimes physically manifest).

    Being able-bodied is pretty nice. I'd be pretty sad if I lost the use of my hands, for example, as that would hamper my ability to play guitar, among other things. But I think being unable to play guitar would be the biggest thing I'd be bummed about...

    7 votes
    1. zara
      Link Parent
      I totally understand. I very much appreciate my sight, and I'd be pretty distraught if I'd ever lost it.

      I totally understand. I very much appreciate my sight, and I'd be pretty distraught if I'd ever lost it.

      4 votes
  9. [2]
    kjhanonichi
    Link
    having a roof over my head, food, hot water, showers, bathrooms. there are many issues at my parents place, and i'm not having fun being stuck here to say the least, but they took me back in....

    having a roof over my head, food, hot water, showers, bathrooms. there are many issues at my parents place, and i'm not having fun being stuck here to say the least, but they took me back in. finally getting on public health insurance. playing fetch with the parents doggo. the kitties here, especially lou lou kitty who's my best friend. not being anywhere near any of my abusers. the friends and ally's who helped me survive through very dark and bleek times. the many mentors i've had through out life that helped shape my life in positive ways. being able to play guitar and make music. having internet access

    7 votes
    1. zara
      Link Parent
      I hope your mental health continues to improve and that you never have to see your abusers ever again.

      I hope your mental health continues to improve and that you never have to see your abusers ever again.

      6 votes
  10. [3]
    mrbig
    (edited )
    Link
    I'm grateful for breathing: I like breathing. I intend to keep doing that for a long time I'm grateful for all the people that disappointed me, without which I would never learn I'm only in...
    • I'm grateful for breathing: I like breathing. I intend to keep doing that for a long time
    • I'm grateful for all the people that disappointed me, without which I would never learn I'm only in control of myself
    • I'm grateful for all the suffering God sent in my way, without which I would be a much lesser man
    • I'm grateful for my family, especially my parents, and the unending support they give me without asking for anything in return
    • I'm grateful for my dog. He's awesome. I'm pretty sure he's the best dog in the world. Seriously, I compared it.
    6 votes
    1. [2]
      zara
      Link Parent
      Breathing and dogs are really great. One might even say they're swell.

      Breathing and dogs are really great. One might even say they're swell.

      3 votes
      1. mrbig
        Link Parent
        Breathing may not be the best thing ever, but it beats not breathing by a long shot!

        Breathing may not be the best thing ever, but it beats not breathing by a long shot!

        3 votes
  11. [2]
    moocow1452
    Link
    Just this morning, I tried to get onto the express way too quickly and spun out on some ice, lost a mirror to some guideposts, car nearly went into the ditch or could have impaled itself on a...

    Just this morning, I tried to get onto the express way too quickly and spun out on some ice, lost a mirror to some guideposts, car nearly went into the ditch or could have impaled itself on a guard rail. That could have been so, so, so much worse.

    6 votes
    1. zara
      Link Parent
      Nothing like a near-death experience to make you grateful, huh?

      Nothing like a near-death experience to make you grateful, huh?

      3 votes
  12. [2]
    mieum
    Link
    Yesterday I visited my office and met some friends in town for the first time in a month, since my second child was born. It was nice to get out of the house, but I didn't know what to do with...

    Yesterday I visited my office and met some friends in town for the first time in a month, since my second child was born. It was nice to get out of the house, but I didn't know what to do with myself! It made me realize how grateful I am for my family and the particular way that we are. Even though raising kids has its stressful and chaotic dimensions, it is very grounding--the world makes so much more sense with kids, and I'm grateful to share life in this world with them.

    4 votes
    1. zara
      Link Parent
      Even though I can't relate to having children, I'm happy you have the chance to build your own family. :)

      Even though I can't relate to having children, I'm happy you have the chance to build your own family. :)

      3 votes