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What memo did you not get?
We've all been in situations before where we're the odd one out: everyone's using a new app you had never heard of, everyone is wearing the same color for an event, etc. An often refrain in such situations is "Well I didn't get the memo". So I'm curious, what memos have you missed?
An example for me: I suddenly have started seeing lots of people using this substack website, which seems kind of like a Medium alternative. No clue where this came from or how it got big - I totally missed the memo on Substack.
How to properly use rubber cement.
For projects in high school, I'd always slather it on and stick while it was wet. I didn't learn until college that you're supposed to slather it on, let it dry a bit and get tacky, then stick the pieces together. It makes a huge difference.
So many social faux pas it’s not even funny anymore.
Apparently answering questions with what you believe to be the truth is rarely a good idea. It took me a long time to understand that, and I frequently forget it even today.
And if someone asks to taste your food, you’re supposed to say “yes”. Why even ask, then? Fuck that, @mrbig doesn’t share food!
Thinks like apps trendy people use or whatever don’t bother me at all.
I wouldn't say "rarely". In fact I'd say it's usually a good idea. I think what personally took me the longest time was reconciling the difference between "honest truth" and "unnecessary details".
When someone asks me a very personal question, I usually will not hesitate much to answer it as honestly as I can. There are details I may omit if I really don't want to talk about them, or show that side of myself to the person in question, but I seldom lie.
I would say lying is a bit like cheating in games: It may help you advance, but it's not a solution. Work hard / play smart, try to find yourself in situations where lying (cheating) is not your only survival option.
I believe some of the most charismatic and/or powerful people on earth usually know how to navigate this dynamic exceedingly well. Don't feel bad for not "getting it".
Nah, you do you, you can refuse. But keep in mind there are implications for refusing. Let me showcase through two interactions which are very similar:
Think of sharing food as sharing an experience. It's not "I'm hungry and don't have enough, give me some from your plate", it's "I'm curious about what you're experiencing". I love sharing food because I love sharing my experiences in general. I love writing shit on the internet, introduce people to my hobbies and sports, etc.
It's ok if you don't like doing that, but it will be perceived as selfish, and to be fair it is a bit selfish. But does this help put it in a new light or am I just rambling?
Your thoughts about food are very different from my core beliefs (that’s something very important for me hahaha).
First of all, there’s the issue of hygiene. Sharing food usually means that trace amounts of other people’s saliva will remain on my plate. I don’t like that, and I think that’s pretty reasonable. Other people’s saliva grosses me out. edit: I also don't like the idea of having my saliva on their food. I'm weird.
Second, here in Brazil portions are not as humongous as it seems to be the case elsewhere. If I share too much I may remain hungry after the end of the meal.
Third, I don’t wanna taste from other people’s plates either, and will refuse if they offer.
So no, I don’t think that’s selfish at all. It might be selfish if I was depriving someone of nutrition. I’d gladly share my food with anyone if my food was the only thing on the table. That is never the case—there’s always food for everyone. So I reserve the right to have a full meal without anyone else’s saliva.
I have no trouble sharing foods that are meant to be shared and cut into discrete pieces, like popcorn and French fries.
Finally, I enjoy sharing both things and experiences in general, including going to a restaurant with people I love. I just don’t share food from my plate, nor do I want food from other plates. That’s all.
I don't think I would share food if that were the case. That's definitely gross, especially now.
Usually when sharing food, I take a piece from my plate and put it in the other person's plate. It's like sharing a piece of pizza.
Well, I have other reasons not to share food. But some people would simply attack my plate with their fork, and some would take offense if I stopped them and separated the piece with my own utensils*.
Brazilians are a lovely bunch, but we’re not big on personal space.
* I’m using past tense because who knows if this custom will remain after the pandemic.
While is true sometimes, particularly when someone has self esteem issues, I think it's more often an issue of how the answer is given. People are often short, unconstructive, and rude (intentionally or not) while believing they're "just being honest". The same message tactfully conveyed can have a lot more success.
A super simplified example:
Q: (after getting ready to go out) "Do I look pretty?"
A) "No, not really. That top is hideous".
B) "Hmm. I like the makeup, but I don't think that top is very flattering. Maybe [other one] would work better?"
I'm not sure what you mean by this. Can you elaborate?
At least nowadays you have a good excuse to say no. But seriously, there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying you don't like sharing food.
In many social situations, the correct behavior is to answer questions with what the other person wants to hear rather than what you believe to be the truth. For example (and not limited to these!):
Some people won't even allow you to dodge the question, you'll be pressed to come up with an actual answer (and it better be the "right one"!). You gotta be convincing too! Bonus: "isn't my baby/nephew/whatever cute"?
I think so too -- with or without a pandemic. Some portions are really meant just for one person and I will remain hungry if I share. There’s also the whole saliva conundrum.
I could be wrong, but this seems to be more a young/low self esteem person thing.
My wife will ask my opinion about an outfit, if it looks good on her I'll state such, if it doesn't I'll state such, if it needs something I'll state such. She's looking for an honest opinion so she doesn't leave the house and get embarrassed because I noticed the mustard stain didn't come out in the wash or that she looks like [insert pop culture character here] and didn't want to.
She'll mention women she finds attractive and I will provide an opinion as well if that's part of the conversation, but it's never a comparison or request for such.
We're both aware the other had sex and relationships prior to each other, but we've never asked for the other's partner count as it's pointless. And this is always a loaded question as the person asking has a set number/range that is acceptable in their mind. Over or under will illicit a specific response.
And finally she'll ask about if I liked something she cooked, but it's, again like the outfit, a request for honest feedback as she enjoys cooking and wants to improve each time she tries something new.
You can give answers that they want to hear and when they want an actual opinion they won't come to you, or you can be honest and they'll value that. Honesty doesn't have to hurt feelings, it's all in delivery and courtesy. You don't answer "Do I look good in this..." with "No." or "You look fat in that." You respond with "I think it's a little tight on you" or "It clashes/doesn't look quite right, maybe with a different top."
Yeah women my age are usually pretty secure, those are just examples I came with that might convey what I was meaning. In real life it’s more complex.
Then I'm not sure what you're trying to say. As you said you missed the memo on being honest, provided examples, but then state those aren't issues you're facing.
These are issues I face, but the examples I used are meant to be a simplification of something that would be otherwise highly specific and difficult to convey.
In other words: I’m using rhetoric to stress a point.
I did encounter these examples in the past, though
Ah, then I'll just reiterate this then and encourage you not to just say what they want to hear:
It sounds like you are just letting people jerk you around a bit in conversations. I decided a few years back to just always be honest, and if people don't like the consequences of their inquiries, they'll stop issuing them to me. It can be awkward at first, but it's a much better way to live life versus sweating what other people are going to think of your response.
Also, I don't share food with anyone. The only folks I've ever interacted who seemed to be annoyed by this were coworkers who were WASPs or Indian Americans from an upper class background. Seems to be heavily class oriented behavior.
I don't share food either. If I were a dog, I would probably be considered food aggressive - stay out of my bowl! It's not a saliva thing for me (I spent too much time sharing tereré to care about that), it's totally selfish - I know that what I order I am going to like, and I want it all.
When I first met my in-laws, we went to a restaurant, and everyone was discussing what they were going to get because they were all going to share. My mother in-law asked me what I was going to have, and I burst out with, "I don't share." 20 years later, and I'm fondly referred to as the daughter in-law who doesn't share (I'm the only daughter in-law, and it's all in fun).
Good for you!
so what's the secret?
It’s definitely a void. I’ve got friends who are active on Twitter — mainly monitoring a series of hashtags and people relevant to their industry.
I’d love to break out of the ‘void’ feeling. :)
Segue, not Segway
FAteeg, not fattyGOO.
But montyGOO, not MONteeg.
I get the memos, I just disregard the vast majority of them. About 80% of them are just fads anyways.