23 votes

Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2021)

This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.

37 comments

  1. [11]
    PathOfTheProkopton
    Link
    Not gonna lie. I need a community. I'm feeling pretty lonely.

    Not gonna lie. I need a community.

    I'm feeling pretty lonely.

    19 votes
    1. [2]
      Adys
      Link Parent
      You're very welcome (back) here. Hi. :)

      You're very welcome (back) here. Hi. :)

      5 votes
      1. PathOfTheProkopton
        Link Parent
        I appreciate it. I'll keep coming back and see if I can make a few friends.

        I appreciate it.

        I'll keep coming back and see if I can make a few friends.

        4 votes
    2. mrbig
      Link Parent
      Hi. What is going on? :)

      Hi. What is going on? :)

      5 votes
    3. [7]
      xxzozaxx
      Link Parent
      So, I feel lonely from time to time, but I found like I'm intereseted in GNU/Linux and programming in general, so I dig into public chat groups on Telegram and IRC and strat chatting, NOT making...

      So, I feel lonely from time to time, but I found like I'm intereseted in GNU/Linux and programming in general, so I dig into public chat groups on Telegram and IRC and strat chatting, NOT making friends, but just chatting. even if we do non-sense chat like "vim vs emacs".

      Anyway, if you are on Telegram send me ur nickname and lets chat together from time to time.

      4 votes
      1. [6]
        PathOfTheProkopton
        (edited )
        Link Parent
        Give me vim or give me death. Lol. Edit: I have a telegram account I just never use it. I'll open it up and see what my nickname is. What distro do you use?

        Give me vim or give me death.

        Lol.

        Edit: I have a telegram account I just never use it. I'll open it up and see what my nickname is. What distro do you use?

        3 votes
        1. [3]
          DeFaced
          Link Parent
          Not OP but what’s telegram and I’m currently running SolusOS.

          Not OP but what’s telegram and I’m currently running SolusOS.

          1 vote
          1. [2]
            PathOfTheProkopton
            Link Parent
            https://telegram.org/ Telegram is a messaging platform similar to whatsapp but with more security in mind. How do you like solus?

            https://telegram.org/

            Telegram is a messaging platform similar to whatsapp but with more security in mind.

            How do you like solus?

            2 votes
            1. DeFaced
              (edited )
              Link Parent
              Solus is amazing. I’ve used everything from Ubuntu and mint to arch and manjaro and I always come back to SolusOS. It’s a really good and stable semi-rolling distro. I don’t think I’ve ever had...

              Solus is amazing. I’ve used everything from Ubuntu and mint to arch and manjaro and I always come back to SolusOS. It’s a really good and stable semi-rolling distro. I don’t think I’ve ever had any issues with it whereas I always have some kind of problem with dependencies and repos with the others. I know mint likes to be the distro that “just works” but it’s resource usage is so high compared with SolusOS, like 1.5GB of ram used compared to like 500-700MB on startup with SolusOS. Currently running the gnome version and it’s a little more taxing because of gnome but it feels so smooth to use. SolusOS also has the best implementation of KDE I’ve ever used, seriously, the guy running that version deserves so much credit. Give it a try if you want, I will say though that since Ikey (the creator) left, big feature updates have been scarce, but I get regular security and kernel updates fairly often. It’s also kinda based off of clear Linux, and eopkg is very easy to learn and easy to use.

              1 vote
        2. [2]
          xxzozaxx
          Link Parent
          YOU ARE EVIL, 666 Well, I use debian sid. just because it works. but I really like void linux. Yeah, I'm not "I use arch btw" person :P. sorry for disappointed u ;P. I like to rice my distro from...

          Give me vim or give me death.

          YOU ARE EVIL, 666

          Well, I use debian sid. just because it works. but I really like void linux.

          Yeah, I'm not "I use arch btw" person :P. sorry for disappointed u ;P. I like to rice my distro from time to time

          So anytime you open Telegram, you can ping me with Ahmed_K_3301 and lets have chat together, I may give you some publich chat groups for similar topics like Linux, Emacs ;D, Ricing, Unixporn, etc etc.

          1. PathOfTheProkopton
            Link Parent
            I prefer debian based distros too. I went through quite a bit of distro hopping and ended up with pop_os. The few arch based distros I tried didn't seem as polished. I plan to switch to debian...

            I prefer debian based distros too.

            I went through quite a bit of distro hopping and ended up with pop_os. The few arch based distros I tried didn't seem as polished. I plan to switch to debian testing after I get tired/irritated of pop_os. I put so much effort my first rice on this system I don't want to switch again 😂

            I'll probably download Telegram today and send you a ping.

            1 vote
  2. [3]
    papasquat
    (edited )
    Link
    I returned back from a deployment with the military a couple of months ago to my wife asking me for a divorce. A few days later I found out she's shacked up with some other guy and has been...

    I returned back from a deployment with the military a couple of months ago to my wife asking me for a divorce. A few days later I found out she's shacked up with some other guy and has been cheating on me for most of the time I was gone.

    I've been a wreck, just a total roller coaster of emotions. I was happy before I left, or at least I thought I was. Now I've just been kind of drifting. Looking back I've noticed problems in the marriage that I didn't notice at the time, but they were all things that we could have fixed if I knew they were issues. She told me when she wanted the divorce that she'd been unhappy for a while, but she never told me that beforehand, so I had no way of knowing.

    I'm in my mid 30s and the prospect of moving on and finding someone else is just so daunting and not something I even know if I'd be either willing or able to do. I was so content spending the rest of my life with her.

    I have a good job, friends, a nice house, a dog, but none of it seems to even really matter anymore. I just want my old life back.

    14 votes
    1. PathOfTheProkopton
      Link Parent
      The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today. You've got to run with what you've got man.

      The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is today.

      You've got to run with what you've got man.

      9 votes
    2. mrbig
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      I found love on Tinder in my late 30s and had a lot of fun before that. You're young. There's no reason whatsoever for you to think you won't find someone else. But there's no need to rush either....

      I found love on Tinder in my late 30s and had a lot of fun before that. You're young. There's no reason whatsoever for you to think you won't find someone else. But there's no need to rush either. It seems to me that you need some time to process.

      And, with all due respect, cheating is usually an indication of a moral flaw that will take many years to overcome (and some people never change...). You are now free to be with someone that truly loves you and respects you.

      Just give it some time :)

      9 votes
  3. [5]
    Basil
    Link
    I feel either empty, irritated, sometimes kind of happy when distracted by my friends. My sleep schedule is a total mess. Each day is the same. The days are passing by really fast because of that....

    I feel either empty, irritated, sometimes kind of happy when distracted by my friends. My sleep schedule is a total mess. Each day is the same. The days are passing by really fast because of that. Well, maybe if the future is bright, I'll get to the future pretty quickly?

    At least the weather was pretty nice for the past week.

    11 votes
    1. [3]
      xxzozaxx
      Link Parent
      Do you go outside ? When I have a mess sleep schedule, I notice its usually associated with being indoor for long period of time.

      Do you go outside ?

      When I have a mess sleep schedule, I notice its usually associated with being indoor for long period of time.

      5 votes
      1. [2]
        Basil
        Link Parent
        Yeah, I've been going outside :), especially with the weather being so nice. When I wrote the post I just had a bad night where I couldn't fall asleep for hours. I definitely go to sleep way too...

        Yeah, I've been going outside :), especially with the weather being so nice.

        When I wrote the post I just had a bad night where I couldn't fall asleep for hours. I definitely go to sleep way too late most days, but I am mostly ok with that. It's just the rare night like the one I had - full of anxiety, unable to fall asleep - that I hate.

        2 votes
        1. xxzozaxx
          Link Parent
          I'm glad it was just a bad night with sleeping irritation. tbh it happen to me too, sometimes when Im unable to sleep I get overwhelmed with mess of feeling and though, the bad one.

          When I wrote the post I just had a bad night where I couldn't fall asleep for hours.

          I'm glad it was just a bad night with sleeping irritation. tbh it happen to me too, sometimes when Im unable to sleep I get overwhelmed with mess of feeling and though, the bad one.

          2 votes
    2. PhantomBand
      Link Parent
      Can relate (though I don't have any friends, but aside from that).

      Can relate (though I don't have any friends, but aside from that).

      2 votes
  4. [7]
    MimicSquid
    Link
    I'm feeling good to the point of somewhat manic. After a decade of running my own financial consulting business I'm throwing in the towel and getting a corporate job as a CFO or senior finance...

    I'm feeling good to the point of somewhat manic. After a decade of running my own financial consulting business I'm throwing in the towel and getting a corporate job as a CFO or senior finance manager, something in that vein. I was curious and started looking at job postings, and it turns out that companies will pay a salary of twice what I net running my own business, even before we start talking about benefits. So it's time to set down this load. Running a business is hard work, and I'm glad to be looking for jobs that even at their hardest don't require me to do all the things by myself.

    Job searching is surreally like online dating now. I haven't had to search for a job since 2006, and it's so different. Giant pools of organizations all trying to put their best foot forward and sound like great places to work, with all their suitors coming calling trying to claim that they're the best match for the position. It also matches my mood; excited/scared/hopeful. I'm in the stage of pure potential, before I have to start negotiating with an actual person to make sure that everyone's needs are met. (It's really so much like dating.) Have I mentioned I'm feeling a bit manic? Yeah.

    10 votes
    1. Adys
      Link Parent
      If you ever want to talk about this, feel free to DM me. I've ran a variety of my own businesses and agencies, hired people and done my own share of job search, maybe I can help out if you have...

      If you ever want to talk about this, feel free to DM me. I've ran a variety of my own businesses and agencies, hired people and done my own share of job search, maybe I can help out if you have questions.

      Good luck either way!!

      6 votes
    2. [2]
      joplin
      Link Parent
      Congrats on the job thing! I made the same leap about 15 years ago, and I don't regret it one bit. Running my business was taking up more and more of my life, and my standard of living got worse...

      Congrats on the job thing! I made the same leap about 15 years ago, and I don't regret it one bit. Running my business was taking up more and more of my life, and my standard of living got worse through it all. Going to work for someone else increased my salary, my free time, and my quality of life. I hope it works that way for you, too!

      5 votes
      1. MimicSquid
        Link Parent
        Man, I hope so. Thank you for the kind words and the fact that this transition worked for you.

        Man, I hope so. Thank you for the kind words and the fact that this transition worked for you.

        3 votes
    3. [3]
      mrbig
      Link Parent
      Do you mean that in the clinical sense, as in bipolar disorder?

      I'm feeling good to the point of somewhat manic.

      Do you mean that in the clinical sense, as in bipolar disorder?

      2 votes
      1. [2]
        MimicSquid
        Link Parent
        Yes, though I was tested for bipolar 1 and 2 and the psychologist was of the opinion that it was a combination of anxiety and burnout causing me to go through a cycle similar to bipolar 2 but that...

        Yes, though I was tested for bipolar 1 and 2 and the psychologist was of the opinion that it was a combination of anxiety and burnout causing me to go through a cycle similar to bipolar 2 but that I didn't meet the standard for a diagnosis. My mother has bipolar 2, so I'm more aware than most of the harm that an excess of enthusiasm can cause.

        That said, even if viewed through a clinical lens this isn't full blown mania. Mild hypomania at the worst. While I'm having trouble sleeping, and I've got these unpredictable surges of emotion, I think of it more as being caused by a piece of the bedrock of my life shifting.

        5 votes
        1. mrbig
          Link Parent
          I see. Good for you for not being manic. It is sometimes hard to identify the polarities, because mania makes it hard to self assess. Besides, what is the difference between true happiness and...

          I see. Good for you for not being manic. It is sometimes hard to identify the polarities, because mania makes it hard to self assess. Besides, what is the difference between true happiness and mania? Am I in love, or am I manic? Hard questions to answer when your very self is intertwined with the disorder :/

          3 votes
  5. [2]
    DeFaced
    Link
    Lost a very close friend of mine a couple weeks ago and I’m struggling to cope. I have an appointment with a therapist next week so hopefully that helps.

    Lost a very close friend of mine a couple weeks ago and I’m struggling to cope. I have an appointment with a therapist next week so hopefully that helps.

    10 votes
    1. 118point3ml
      Link Parent
      Just having someone to talk to, but especially someone sympathetic, can help. My advice is to be willing to accept/recognize slow, incremental changes. I hope your therapist is a good match.

      Just having someone to talk to, but especially someone sympathetic, can help. My advice is to be willing to accept/recognize slow, incremental changes. I hope your therapist is a good match.

      3 votes
  6. Adys
    Link
    I've had a … weird few weeks, man. Ups and downs, constantly. It's like, no matter what happiness I find, something else has to come into play and pull me back down. Anyway, I think I've sorted my...

    I've had a … weird few weeks, man. Ups and downs, constantly. It's like, no matter what happiness I find, something else has to come into play and pull me back down.

    Anyway, I think I've sorted my shit out by this point. I feel a lot better. I also found a therapist for some weekly online sessions; had my first one a few days ago, went quite well.

    Two weeks ago I shared some details about someone I started dating. Well, after some very weird bumps, since yesterday, we're officially together: We're giving a proper relationship a shot for the next couple of months, see what happens.

    I broke up with my ex almost exactly a year ago. 2020-2021 has been a year full of random dating. I can say I'm absolutely sick of it, especially "pandemic dating". So many false starts, and this one came so close to being a false start as well, twice (despite things going so well). BUT, it feels like we got over the first bump, unharmed and stronger for it. I'm a lot more confident about her than I've been about anyone I met in the past year (or decade). I guess we will see… not making any plans just yet.

    9 votes
  7. monarda
    Link
    So today I did my first "30 minutes doing nothing." That physical presence of anxiety reared itself in all its glory and I confronted it and asked it what it was. There is the ever looming feeling...
    • Exemplary

    So today I did my first "30 minutes doing nothing." That physical presence of anxiety reared itself in all its glory and I confronted it and asked it what it was.

    There is the ever looming feeling like I should be productive, and I was "happy" to let that be the voice of the anxiety. But it is not that, and I have known that's not where the root of it lies, but I skirt it's perimeters not really wanting to touch what IT is.

    I know what it is.

    I am afraid that my husband is disappointed that he chose me as a mate. I'm afraid that at any moment he will cut me from his life. I am afraid that when he does so, I will have nothing. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough to be kept around. I am afraid that these last 22 years were a waste. I'm afraid that he does not get the comfort from being around me that I get from being around him. I am afraid that the things I like about myself are just lies that I tell myself to feel better and that they aren't actually anything special or worth loving. I am so fucking afraid that I am too hard to be around, that I am too hard to love, that the man I love does not love me back.

    I watched Marc Rebillet's Easter live stream today, and he said "tell someone you love them." I told my husband, he asked me if I was buzzed.

    THERE WAS NO ONE I WANTED TO SAY THAT TO OTHER THAN HIM. I LOVE HIM EVERYDAY. and it was joke.

    my anxiety has a name, and now that i have named it, i have no idea what is next.

    6 votes
  8. kyotja
    Link
    February marked my two year anniversary of being unemployed. The first year I was planning on, and prepared for. The second year was Covid :/ I'm doing okay all things considered, though. I am...

    February marked my two year anniversary of being unemployed. The first year I was planning on, and prepared for. The second year was Covid :/ I'm doing okay all things considered, though. I am lucky enough to have a good group of friends and a supportive partner, but I do feel a deep fear that I may not find a job that I don't hate.

    8 votes
  9. [2]
    archwizard
    Link
    Honestly, things are real rough. I've been a student of Zoom university for a year now, and it's been a struggle every day. Zoom just sucks the energy out of me. It takes so much willpower just to...

    Honestly, things are real rough.
    I've been a student of Zoom university for a year now, and it's been a struggle every day. Zoom just sucks the energy out of me. It takes so much willpower just to get out of bed and turn on the computer. I haven't seen the faces of any of my friends since last summer, so I've never felt more lonely.

    I've also been trying to set myself up to go to a four-year school in the fall, and the whole process has been anxiety inducing and draining. Furthermore, a few painful rejections have really crushed my self-esteem.

    I guess its not all bad, even though it feels like it sometimes. The weather's been nice enough that I've been able to work in the garden, and that always lifts my spirits a bit, and I'm definitely a better guitar player than I was at the beginning of quarantine, so that's good, I suppose.

    How's everyone else?
    ~Archwizard

    8 votes
    1. mrbig
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      Some simple wisdom here my friend. Regarding college applications, always wait till the game is over to decide that it is lost. my father always says: "don't be sad about the nine girls that told...

      I guess its not all bad, even though it feels like it sometimes

      Some simple wisdom here my friend.

      Regarding college applications,

      • always wait till the game is over to decide that it is lost.
      • my father always says: "don't be sad about the nine girls that told you no, just be glad for the one that said yes". The old man knows his ways around the ladies (and life...)
      3 votes
  10. pseudolobster
    Link
    I spent the last couple weeks being really depressed. My life has never been really stable, but lately, especially over the last year, due to current events it's been harder than usual. I've been...

    I spent the last couple weeks being really depressed. My life has never been really stable, but lately, especially over the last year, due to current events it's been harder than usual. I've been hanging on, trying to stay positive, despite living in some unusual situations.

    Things are looking up though. I just figured out my housing situation for April yesterday, March 31st, which led to a huge weight off my shoulders today. I've got a room for the rest of the month, and I've got to make the most of it.

    I've just had so many instances of a great job being offered to me by an old friend across the country, only to have it pulled out at the last moment Charlie Brown style... It's been really discouraging.

    I think I'm going to just go and hitchhike off and work on a farm or something. I hear physical labour is in high demand in places that cost a lot less to live than where I am right now.

    7 votes
  11. Amarok
    (edited )
    Link
    I'm grinding my teeth waiting for the warm weather. This place needs a good spring cleaning, and I'm going to move all of the furniture around this time just to change the place up so it doesn't...

    I'm grinding my teeth waiting for the warm weather. This place needs a good spring cleaning, and I'm going to move all of the furniture around this time just to change the place up so it doesn't remind me of the covid winter of doom. Picked up a cold sometime recently, but it's already on the mend, a day and a half of sore throat that's already fading.

    IT work is sporadic contracts at best around here, for small companies. Not very satisfying or well paying work. There's exactly one decent tech job on the radar - managing a supercompute cluster for a team of light transport/glass researchers (including machine learning workloads). I have a bit over half of the tech skills they are asking for (I've never worked with Infiniband before). The salary is frankly ridiculous for this area, six figures and then some.

    I know they are having trouble finding someone who can get the job done because this exact job has been popping in and out every couple of months for three years. It'd be a short commute, I could probably work there until I retire, and having a team of scientists as my 'users' would be an interesting experience. Bonus - it's all redhat/vmware/xen, not a scrap of microsoft's cruft to deal with. Proper old-school computing in service of scientific research certainly beats all of the silicon valley bullshit we usually have to deal with in tech. I just hope it's not in yet another soul-crushing cubicle farm.

    On the other hand, since cannabis is legal in NY now, and I've got some prime farmland here... I'm tempted to look into getting a grower's license. No amount of supply is going to be able to keep up with the demand here for years to come. I have several... contacts who are about to make the jump from being under the table dealers to full professionals under the new system. They are already scouting storefronts.

    Then there's the writing - but it's rather challenging to write optimistic solarpunk when you're in the midst of a covid winter. Hopefully when spring hits I'll be in the mood more often.

    To write, to sysadmin, or to farm... that is the question. If I had any real ambition I'd probably do all three. :P

    7 votes
  12. mrbig
    (edited )
    Link
    The last few weeks were pretty weird. I'm bipolar. Went to the psychiatrist for an emergency session because I was deeply depressed and suicidal in a way that I haven't felt since 15 to 20 years...

    The last few weeks were pretty weird.

    I'm bipolar. Went to the psychiatrist for an emergency session because I was deeply depressed and suicidal in a way that I haven't felt since 15 to 20 years ago. There was like a thick tarp around my mind, I could only see darkness and hopelessness. This was partly a consequence of an approaching work deadline that sent me in a spiral of fear and anxiety.

    The doctor prescribed escitalopram, an antidepressant. Antidepressants are generally dangerous for bipolars because you can end up having a manic episode.

    And so I did, but apparently a relatively weak (and mixed) one. My emotions are heightened, I'm impulsive, and my need to sleep is decreased. There are other symptoms too, but it's too much to write here. Just lookup bipolar disorder >> mania on Wikipedia.

    My girlfriend is being extremely patient with my outbursts, and we talked in length about all those feelings and insecurities about the relationship that I usually ignore. Everything is violently coming to the surface at once, and sometimes I wonder if she'll eventually get tired of the endless conversations.

    4 votes
  13. moocow1452
    Link
    My Contract to Hire was cancelled, citing quality and speed issues with warehouse activities. Wasn't really hired for warehouse activities so much as technical assistance, so I'm somewhere between...

    My Contract to Hire was cancelled, citing quality and speed issues with warehouse activities. Wasn't really hired for warehouse activities so much as technical assistance, so I'm somewhere between righteous indignation and self pity. I think the stress was causing me some health issues in that I had a UTI about a month ago, and had some aftershock for a good week or two afterward, so much so that I scheduled a visit to my GP. (Who I have an appointment with this week, hah hah, healthcare during a pandemic.) I'd almost be okay with it if they told me it to my face instead of nicing me all week, but my recruiter called me and said he wants to help me find another job on Monday, so clearly there is no love lost from the employer. Eff them, I'll hit self pity again later.

    4 votes