FishFingus's recent activity

  1. Comment on Let's talk about attention in ~talk

    FishFingus
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    I now suspect I have some form of ADHD, or at least hope I do because the alternative makes me sad.

    I now suspect I have some form of ADHD, or at least hope I do because the alternative makes me sad.

    Are you happy with your ability to manage your attention and focus?
    Only on exceedingly rare occasions, outside of a handful of leisure activities - gaming, reading, watching films and browsing.

    Do you feel like you're in control of your attention? Is it something you have to manage?
    No, it must constantly be managed. That is impossible, so I can only do it irregularly outside of leisure activities.

    Do you feel as if anything has changed over time?
    This feels like it's gotten worse since roughly the beginning of secondary school (2002), and I've noticed the list of things I still derive pleasure from has shrunk. Most activities involving memorizing large amounts of dry text, or problem solving, can be boring to a painful degree - my brain seems to give itself migraines like some sort of defense mechanism. My seeming inability to retain useful information has made me very depressed about the prospect of a career, and often had me questioning my worth as a human being.

    How would you describe your attention/focus to someone who experiences theirs in a different way from you?
    Intense focus must be constantly maintained. Once it's broken, it's hard to regain without having to restart progress. You can't be interrupted while you're focusing. Sometimes you need to be listening to music to drown out the background sound, and at other times there has to be total background silence.

    3 votes
  2. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    FishFingus
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    I gained another pound, and look noticeably fatter when I look down. :( It seems that once I breach around 210 pounds, every pound extra starts to count for a lot more. I haven't been working...

    I gained another pound, and look noticeably fatter when I look down. :(
    It seems that once I breach around 210 pounds, every pound extra starts to count for a lot more.

    I haven't been working myself into a heavy sweat from exercise in a long time - probably not since the lockdown took the wind out of me. With my current course (pr stage 1, at least) coming to an end and near-zero prospect of relevant jobs in the near future, the constant worrying hasn't been helping either. Either I'm going to have some particularly bad months ahead or I'm going to be exercising like crazy. I know which is better, and which is more likely.

    3 votes
  3. Comment on The grim secret of Nordic happiness – it's not hygge, the welfare state, or drinking. It's reasonable expectations in ~life

    FishFingus
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    Eh? I thought it just logically followed, because you can't really poll people who aren't there.

    Eh? I thought it just logically followed, because you can't really poll people who aren't there.

    3 votes
  4. Comment on The grim secret of Nordic happiness – it's not hygge, the welfare state, or drinking. It's reasonable expectations in ~life

    FishFingus
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    It could also mean that very depressed people in Finland are more successful at committing suicide, so only the happy people show up in the statistics. Edit: ...I get the sense that maybe I'm...

    It could also mean that very depressed people in Finland are more successful at committing suicide, so only the happy people show up in the statistics.

    Edit: ...I get the sense that maybe I'm off-base or missing something, which I tend to do.

  5. Comment on Gearbox threatens to leave Texas over anti-trans bill in ~games

    FishFingus
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    Good move, Gearbox could always use more positive press. Not suggesting they did this for cynical reasons, but I immediately wondered what Pitchford's been up to lately on the social medias....

    Good move, Gearbox could always use more positive press. Not suggesting they did this for cynical reasons, but I immediately wondered what Pitchford's been up to lately on the social medias. Anyway, good for them going after the bastards' pocket books.

    4 votes
  6. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    FishFingus
    Link Parent
    Eh? Blimey, you could get PTSD from being too sheltered? Boarding school was pretty hellish, but I don't think I've got anything that serious. I doubt any of this is really enough to be a form of...

    Eh? Blimey, you could get PTSD from being too sheltered? Boarding school was pretty hellish, but I don't think I've got anything that serious. I doubt any of this is really enough to be a form of PTSD. Maybe I'll mention it to the psych.

  7. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    FishFingus
    Link Parent
    Childhood trauma would surprise me. I hada pretty fortunate, even somewhat sheltered childhood. Maybe that's the problem - it was all downhill from there. :P I would like to try micro-dosing with...

    Childhood trauma would surprise me. I hada pretty fortunate, even somewhat sheltered childhood. Maybe that's the problem - it was all downhill from there. :P

    I would like to try micro-dosing with cannabis some day, to see how it feels and if it helps. Not legel here yet, AFAIK, and certainly not available on the NHS to my knowledge. I...think that's what you meant?

    1 vote
  8. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    FishFingus
    Link Parent
    I tend to hit a roadblock whenever things look like they're too difficult because they rely on techniques I don't yet know but are quite teachable. As you can imagine, that's pretty often when...

    I tend to hit a roadblock whenever things look like they're too difficult because they rely on techniques I don't yet know but are quite teachable. As you can imagine, that's pretty often when you're doing something that requires expanding your knowledge base, e.g. on a course. I tend to catastrophize and overthink things for a while before usually realizing that it's easier than I imagined.

    I can put things off to the last minute or, if there's no deadline, for literally years - possibly indefinitely.

    I think mental disorders are treatable without medication, but each time I stopped taking mine I remember breaking down into tears. As bad as things can be on medication, they've never been that bad. I think laziness is treatable, but it's a constant regime that you can almost never break. You cannot let your guard down, and you have to be going all the time.

    During lockdown, I had the idea of starting to learn Italian. I was also exercising fairly regularly. At some point - I don't know when - I just decided not to one day, and then I think I lost the inertia to continue. It seems that I inevitably lose interest in everything after a while, from hobbies to jobs - my last three paid ones didn't last longer than 3 months, and my very last was over in weeks because I freaked out over the idea of being on the phones. My first job was behind the counter at some min-wage clownshow, and the customers would sometimes keep me up at night. Those experiences built on a solid base of anxiety and misanthropy (not quite, but for lack of a better word) that came from boarding school.

    5 votes
  9. Comment on What's a question you want to ask, but you're worried about how it might come across? in ~talk

    FishFingus
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    If I feel like I've been unable to concentrate on anything or try my best in any meaningful way since late primary school, I really dislike being stationary for too long, I avoid responsibility...

    If I feel like I've been unable to concentrate on anything or try my best in any meaningful way since late primary school, I really dislike being stationary for too long, I avoid responsibility for fear of failure, I have no ambition or initiative or desires in life, I can't move on from thinking about past mistakes, and I constantly feel devoid of energy...how much can this can be explained by mental disorders, and how much by me being a lazy piece of work?

    BTW, going to try and get a psych. eval. after lockdown ends. I imagine it will take quite a while, though.

    EDIT: Thank you so much for your replies. I'll re-read them and follow up on them in the coming days. You're all so kind and empathetic! :)

    22 votes
  10. Comment on What have you been eating, drinking, and cooking? in ~food

    FishFingus
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    I've been trying to steadily whiten my fuggin' yellow teeth by switching from coffee (almost entirely) and black tea (woo, entirely!) to green tea. My mum got me some green tea bags with lemon...

    I've been trying to steadily whiten my fuggin' yellow teeth by switching from coffee (almost entirely) and black tea (woo, entirely!) to green tea. My mum got me some green tea bags with lemon from the local German discounter, and they're pretty dandy. I'm also joining my dad in his diet by having tinned soup and panini bread for lunch.

    I also am suddenly Jonesing kind of hard for some of those chopped Chinese rice rolls with peanut and hoisin sauce. Ermaghad, that was the street food of kings back in the old country.

    I don't cook, because I'm incompetent and I'd just end up making more work for my mum to clean up.

    2 votes
  11. Comment on Why do people follow social media from those presenting a perfect life when it makes them feel inadequate? in ~talk

    FishFingus
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    It's nice to look at nice things, beautiful things, interesting things; things that we will most likely never have.

    It's nice to look at nice things, beautiful things, interesting things; things that we will most likely never have.

    7 votes
  12. Comment on Brutalist buildings aren’t unlovable. You’re looking at them wrong. in ~design

    FishFingus
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    I guess the bombed-out parts of post-war Europe needed replacement buildings up and quick and cheap. No idea what America's excuse was. That's all I can think of, because I struggle to understand...

    I guess the bombed-out parts of post-war Europe needed replacement buildings up and quick and cheap. No idea what America's excuse was. That's all I can think of, because I struggle to understand anyone thinking they look good. To be honest, if it were my decision, I might have had a lot of architects jailed.

    5 votes
  13. Comment on Brutalist buildings aren’t unlovable. You’re looking at them wrong. in ~design

    FishFingus
    Link Parent
    Exactly. When it gets old, which everything does, it gets particularly shit. Companies won't fork out the dough for these buildings to be cleaned often enough to prevent them becoming grimy...

    Exactly. When it gets old, which everything does, it gets particularly shit. Companies won't fork out the dough for these buildings to be cleaned often enough to prevent them becoming grimy suicide fuel.

    If more of these mastodons are going to be erected, I hope they at least employ some of that exciting coloured concrete. So many commercial buildings in the UK are built out of a mixture of grey concrete and red, brown or dyssentary-coloured brickwork. Then they plop down some flowerbeds composed of saplings in wood shavings, more to provide a litter buffer than anything else, and call it a day. I don't want to work there, I don't want to live there, I don't even want to look at it. It's shit.

    8 votes
  14. Comment on Joe Biden wants the country to heal from its political divisions. But many people say they aren’t ready to reconnect with their estranged friends and family members. in ~life

    FishFingus
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    Given how much harder it seems to be to make new friends as you get older, I feel especially sorry for Luna. Even moreso given how much crap she must have lived through in her time. For this to...

    Given how much harder it seems to be to make new friends as you get older, I feel especially sorry for Luna. Even moreso given how much crap she must have lived through in her time. For this to happen and possibly break up a friendship that's lasted longer than I've been alive...well, as Paul Rudd would say..."Yeah, that sucks."

    12 votes
  15. Comment on Race report: 'UK not deliberately rigged against ethnic minorities' in ~news

    FishFingus
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    Link Parent
    Well, that seems different from there being 'no institutional racism'. Are they walking that claim back now? Edit: I just did a quick Ctrl+F of institutionalized racism (s and z spellings), the...

    Well, that seems different from there being 'no institutional racism'. Are they walking that claim back now?

    Edit: I just did a quick Ctrl+F of institutionalized racism (s and z spellings), the entire sentence that the previous article headline was ostensibly quoting, and just the word institutionalis/zed. The only part I found which stated 'The Review found no evidence of systemic or institutional racism' seemed to be referring to the Timpson Report on education that was published in 2019.

    The list of definitions at the end, and how they were used, is worth reading.

    2 votes
  16. Comment on What have you been listening to this week? in ~music

    FishFingus
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    Drowning Pool - Bodies. I forgot that this unironically great little gem was frequently the soundtrack of choice for so many YT videos back in the day. Demon Hunter - Death (Instrumental). Killing...

    Drowning Pool - Bodies. I forgot that this unironically great little gem was frequently the soundtrack of choice for so many YT videos back in the day.
    Demon Hunter - Death (Instrumental). Killing Floor 2 was what introduced me to this.
    Bolt Thrower - The Killchain. Pretty decent, found in a Discord server. Nice artwork, which Wikipedia informs me is from the back of the Guards Memorial at St James's Park in London.

    Find the channel with that last track in sent me on a bit of a quest, so here's The 2001 E3 Theme from Duke Nukem Forever.

    5 votes
  17. Comment on The Snyder Cut is a much longer Justice League, but not a better one in ~movies

    FishFingus
    Link Parent
    It's not in widescreen either, apparently - square only. What did you think of Sucker-Punch, if you saw it? :)

    It's not in widescreen either, apparently - square only.

    What did you think of Sucker-Punch, if you saw it? :)

  18. Comment on Talk to me about one of your passions in ~talk

    FishFingus
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    I love Morrowind. I love that the world feels lived in, like it was going long before you arrived. I like that it has real history in its books and conversations. I like that the factions are...

    I love Morrowind. I love that the world feels lived in, like it was going long before you arrived. I like that it has real history in its books and conversations. I like that the factions are actually at odds with each other to the point that you can't just join them all, and some hate you enough that they'd never even consider you as a member. I appreciate that the common foodstuffs and ingredients even have stories behind them. I dig the idea of kwama. I really dig that the Daedric runes on the box art are letters from an alphabet that actually spell out something meaningful. It tickles my fancy that stories and histories are coloured in by the biases of the people who pass on and retell them, so you can't really fully trust any single account. There are very few people in the game world who would offer the sort of unbiased information you'd take for granted from the average NPC in more modern RPGs.

    I also love tanks and planes - the weirder, the better. People talk about the overrated German ones all the time, and it's boring boring boring. Give me some bizarre KV prototypes or that mindboggling idea some Frenchman had that didn't work out. It was War Thunder that was probably primarily responsible for getting me into tanks, but a relative got me a great book about them by DK and the Tank Museum, and I haven't been able to clam up about them since.

    Oh, and I love puddings! Sticky toffee, cheesecake, bread pudding, strudel...I think bread pudding might be the best of the lot. I have such a sweet tooth. I first tasted bread pudding at King Ludwig's Beerhall in Stanley, HK. It was in an old colonial-era building that I think used to be a barracks, and we sat at one of the outdoor veranda tables to look across the bay as we scarfed down food from the buffet. Thank goodness I had the metabolism to just absorb stuff harmlessly, because I could not eat like that nowadays.

    10 votes
  19. Comment on Aunty Donna - Everything's a Drum! (2020) in ~music

    FishFingus
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    Indeed, that was one commonly noted positive of drinking cough medicine at my school.

    Indeed, that was one commonly noted positive of drinking cough medicine at my school.

  20. Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books

    FishFingus
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    The Delta Star, by Joseph Wambaugh. Really not his best work, it seems more disjointed than something like The Black Marble, which is my favourite of his. Basically a collection of days out of the...

    The Delta Star, by Joseph Wambaugh. Really not his best work, it seems more disjointed than something like The Black Marble, which is my favourite of his. Basically a collection of days out of the lives of misfit police officers. It's ugly, self-destructive and goofy, and occasionally quite amusing or appalling.

    1 vote