TransFemmeWarmachine's recent activity
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Comment on Midweek Movie Free Talk in ~movies
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Comment on The carrion-eaters in ~life
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkEvery time I see someone online get crucified in this way, I find myself concluding our society never bothered to properly evaluate some sort of feral bloodlust inherent in the human condition. I...Every time I see someone online get crucified in this way, I find myself concluding our society never bothered to properly evaluate some sort of feral bloodlust inherent in the human condition.
I went to school in the mid 2000s - mid 2010s. My school district had strict no-tolerance policies on bullying, harassment, with the general understanding at the time was that these policies were somewhat ineffective, and just as apt to hurt victims as well as perpetrators, but ultimately were worth it for some greater good. I remember seeing statistics in health class about how people who experienced bullying and harassment had worse life outcomes, and an aggressive push to snuff out some 'bullying instinct.'
In contrast, for the course of my entire life, I have seen, has been a continuing string of mildly public figures get crucified online, whether they're even actually culpable for some perceived slight. What I see in this, is a consistent stream of vitriol that seems to consistently crave carnage. The vitriol leaks from the unjust society we live in, and seems to run into different streams based on ideology.
My assessment is that our society hasn't answered enough fundamental questions that make people angry. And, every once in a while, someone violates enough of the norms in a public way to lead to some large swath of an online populace to pick them apart, piece by piece.
Let me posit some rhetorical questions:
- Did those attacking Jason Arday have some right to do so?
- Was his position in society ill-gotten enough to warrant such cruelty?
- Did Arday deserve to be crucified for simply lying and self aggrandizing?
- Is having a 'valid target' for harassment fair?
This is a controversial take, but I think our society has refused to answer these questions. Instead, we have settled on a system where the 'public' can crucify certain offenders, because it's what our society wants. I don't think our society wants to admit that, but I feel that I could answer each of those questions as such:
"Yes, because it is the right of those in society to crucify those who violate the rules, if only to feed an instinct of Carnage."
Continuing:
- Does the media and academia have a duty to evaluate work to prevent liars and con artists from proliferating?
- Do good-faith commentators have some duty to rebuff those who criticize off of racism, even if the target has violated our own values?
- Was a rational, honest commentator raising criticism from their position in life any different than one who cited race or DEI in their criticism?
- Will things change because of this?
"No, Society ultimately needs the sacrifice of random human suffering to prevent discourse and change, as that would effect the powers that be."
In my opinion, Jason Arday was someone who chose to lie about who he was, and ultimately chose to kill himself rather than live with the Truth. By lying consistency, Arday chose a path that shirked the Truth. But his Truth, an ugly crawling mess of a Truth, was that he was not a profound person, just a regular academic who lied far more than he needed to. Furthermore, He, in a post-colonial society where racism still explicitly existed, had lived a life that made enemy of this evil, while burning every shred of credibility he had, damning him to suffer without the support of institutions that could have protected him. Ultimately, he was unable to live with the reality he had created, and he chose to leave it.
Arday was obviously a talented person, who could have arguably lived an ordinary life. Instead, he lied his way into the halls of an esteemed institution, buoyed by the sheer sloppiness of an esteemed institution that had long calcified past actual standards. The impact of his choices, regardless of his intent, was feeding a machine that desired people like him erased, and effectively bleached him from the record as well. He was ultimately, just another selfish man who put his own desires over the fundamentals of his reality. He leaves behind two young children who will bare the consequences of his actions. Perhaps a traitor, perhaps a coward, perhaps but an ordinary fool, but a corpse now, regardless.
What we have with those two things, is a society that refuses to ignore its will towards carnage, and a man who lived a life that made him an easy sacrifice to machinery of carnage. Are we to say that this was unnatural? Do we desire actual change? Or shall we continue to exist, as a society that culls at random and rabid intervals, if only in service of some ideological urge of the moment???
I am left with unfinished words of Mark Twain.
“Strange, indeed, that you should not have suspected that your universe and its contents were only dreams, visions, fiction! Strange, because they are so frankly and hysterically insane—like all dreams: **a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; **who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice and invented hell—mouths mercy and invented hell—mouths Golden Rules, and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him!..."
As for me: I am left with only the hope I am a madwoman who has conflated too many things improperly, and I am blind to some facet of justice or kindness lost to my own damned eyes.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentThanks for the update, and I hope the best for your relative, and your family! Vague posting with this topic makes complete sense here, so no worries there. If I can offer one random thought that...Thanks for the update, and I hope the best for your relative, and your family!
Vague posting with this topic makes complete sense here, so no worries there.
If I can offer one random thought that was itching at me when I read what I wrote later... perhaps check what their AI usage is like? I've heard a few pieces recently about AI psychosis, so I felt the need to mention. I can link you some articles on the topic, but they're depressing and I'm not sure that's even necessarily.
Regardless, godspeed and best of luck!
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentI'm just going to plug Kate Borenstein's book, Hello, Cruel World 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws before I share any of my personal experiences. It's the book I...- Exemplary
I'm just going to plug Kate Borenstein's book, Hello, Cruel World
101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws before I share any of my personal experiences. It's the book I wish I had been able to read at that age.link before I say anything else.
- If you were like this as a teen, how did you move forward? Why did your outlook about yourself or the world change?
TW Suicide
(I have depression, anxiety, CPTSD, and PTSD stemming from an event at 11. My problems long term were caused by sustained emotional neglect in combination with dysphoria and the trauma.)
Ultimately, in hindsight, it was realizing that I was the only one who could take ownership of my life and what I wanted.
I did not come to this realization in a 'normal' way. Instead, I realized this in a very roundabout way, where I concluded that I was fundamentally incapable of committing suicide, and I had to just continue to be alive. That conclusion came after roughly 20ish suicide attempts.
People still don't believe me when I tell them I am unable to commit suicide. They assume it's some joke or rationalization or something. It's not. It's fundamentally isolating, but after 35ish attempts (last one was 10/10/2025), it seems an apt conclusion for me to have.
I concluded at around age ~16 that I was never going to be happy, and that I had to live with that. I became a workaholic, went to school, met an amazing woman, and transitioned at 24.
I moved forward because I had to. My reasoning is a very mechanical, logical conclusion that if I was going to hate being alive, I might as well have a decent life while hating being alive.
Time softened the rest of my outlook. I worked emotionally abrasive jobs, I've talked to weirdos and strangers about the human condition, and my outlook slowly shifted to a mostly comfortable peace with things. I still suffer from some form of anhedonia, and I've consumed cannabis daily for the last three years daily.
The rest of the change was gradual, after correcting my gender and gently unpacking my mental health, I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I am mentally ill, and it's something I need to accept about myself.
I think Taoist and Neo-Taoist ( Discordianism especially! ) understandings helped a lot. I did a lot of research into psychology, and why people are the way they are. I also worked in hotels for about 4 years, which gave me a lot of perspective on the human condition. Oh, and I'm medicated on 2 meds and HRT.
My mental health didn't just get better. I continued living, and I learned how to manage and respect it. That made my life better and easier, and the symptoms easier to endure. I still don't feel joy, fear, or happiness properly.... but I have an amazing life with wonderful people I love.
- What do we do or don't do; say or don't say when the teen eventually comes home?
TW Bleak
In my experience, mental health issues usually have some amount of cause. Ex-Nihlo spontaneous mental health challenges can occur, but are rarer and usually have a genetic component.
From what little you've mentioned here, it seems the teen has had multiple people and animals in their life pass away. That's an isolating experience for anyone, and if I had to guess, it's absolutely a part of what's going on. If I read that correctly, this person in your life has had 4 people close to them die in under a year.
Grief does weird things to people, and our culture does not properly discuss or honour death. That can really mess with people! The strong emotions of grief and loss can directly be invalidated by the rest of the world just existing as itself.
This is my advice:
Do: Ask them what they want from you/others. Specifically, that means that your relative should be able to define what they want to discuss, or how they might want to define this experience. Additionally, give them the space to feel what they are feeling, and the respect for them to have those feelings. i.e. don't invalidate.
Don't: Trust that they know exactly what they're feeling or what will help them. Try not to react to anything, and focus on being constructive.
TW Bleak; Suicide
However, also there is a very real possibility that your relative won't make it home. Are y'all going to be ok if they don't come home? That's something that you and yours should perhaps consider.
Getting out of a psych hospital doesn't mean a person will get better. It only means they convinced the psych hospital to let them out. Not everyone makes it, and that is agonizing, but it's a real possibility, and I would be remiss if I didn't at least mention it.
- How do we help them move forward & build a life in the long term?
TW: Bleak
The simple answer is, you can't. All you can do is offer to help them build that life, and hope that they want to build one.
The unfortunate truth is that they will need to want to move forward and to build a better life. If they are uncooperative, then you won't be able to do much other than to assure them that you will be there if they decide they need you.
Assuming they are cooperative, then I would suggest building in safety measures for them. Have regular check-ins, be active and understanding of what they're going through, and make a plan with them for what to do if their mental health takes a turn for the worse.
Outside of that? Consider involving them in projects! Help them build skills by doing and working as a team. Gardens or renovations are great for this, if those are within your family's means. The experience of involved practice is just inherently good for helping someone rebuild themselves.
- How do we help turn someone like this around?
TW: N/A
This is a good question for soliciting outside discussion/help, but the wrong question to be asking yourself if y'all are seeking to help them long term. It's not something
The reason this isn't a great question is that this framing sees what they're experiencing as a place that can and must be retreated from. That sees the symptom, not the cause. Recovering from mental illness requires understanding and overcoming the mental issues that lead to a person becoming the way in the first place.
The right questions are: 'why do we turn someone like this around?' and 'what does someone like this being turned around look like?'
why do we turn someone like this around?
The reason I am posing this very obvious question to you, is because to a mentally ill person with depression, this is not an obvious question.
When I am in the worst of my depressive states, or when I am experiencing a PTSD flashback, I cannot imagine anything other than the feelings I am experiencing in the moment. I cannot imagine a world where I am not depressed, or not paralyzed in terror. I'm going to have to get a bit poetic to describe the feeling.
Imagine you felt the entirety of existence collapse into a singularity of wrongness. In these states, depression is not pain, so much as it is a world devoid of anything but pain. Time fails, until there is only the current moment. Colour fades, voices mute, taste dulls - and I cease to even imagine that I could ever escape from this wrongness, or that there was ever even a life before the wrongness. Depression warps memory, poisoning my past, while snuffing out my hope for a future. In my worst moments, I have begged and prayed to Death herself to deliver me from this place. She refuses to take me.
In those states, I could not imagine being 'turned around.' Any vision of a future where I escape the feeling would feel more like a sick joke, or an impossible fantasy. I might even go as far as to lay out an explicit logic that damns me to not being 'turned around' and lash out at anyone who is trying to help me.
SO the reason we need to ask that question, is because we need understand that someone who is having these mental health reactions might not be able to imagine being turned around. The answer to why we help people turn around, is because human beings and life and fate are malleable and can and should and will be made more better, whether a person believes it in the moment or not.
what does someone like this being turned around look like?
I can't answer this one for you. I don't know the unique, individual life of your relative. Maybe their issue is gender, or sexuality, or the death around them, or coming to terms with what America has become, or bad habits slowly dragging a person down, or they got too deep into a bad ideology, or parents not listening, or etc. That's a conversation that would require the 'like this' to be defined.
The person in your life has people, at least, which is more than some people I see.
TW: Bleak
There's no abuse going on that I can see...
Abuse is rarely visible, but I think you're probably good to rule out abuse if you're not seeing anything. While there's a chance something happened behind closed doors, it's not best to go hunting for this as a cause unless you've seen something.
Additionally, studies have shown Neglect can cause of poor mental health outcomes similar / as bad as actual physical abuse.
but they've been on antidepressants for roughly 2 years...
Anti depressants are a whole range of medications targeting different areas, and anyone on meds will almost certainly need to try several different approaches at some point in their life.
Some medications also numb a person so much that they don't fully help a person with their recovery.
they've lost 2 friends, 2 relatives & pets in the last year.
That's a lot of death in a short amount of time. That's hard.
Plus, the USA isn't exactly a positive place right now.
Yep. And if they're a part of any group the US admin is targeting.... that's going to be a factor. The common take in the queer community currently is... less than optimistic.
Everyone is sad and confused and frustrated that it's come to this,
That to me is a problem. Why are people confused about this? Why are people frustrated? Those are questions I hope y'all can unpack.
...especially the parents...
...that's especially not good, for a variety of 'parent-child' reasons.
...teen who now refuses to see them during visiting hours.
How consensual was the institutionalization? To them, does it feel like they're being punished for seeking help?
Also, refusing visitors might be some of the only power they have currently. If that is some of the only control they have over their life at the moment, and they're angry about how they've been treated when they are falling apart mentally, it makes complete sense for them to deny visitors. Or they might be ashamed, or hurt, or their parents might factor into things somehow.
I hope I have answered with a sufficient amount of respect for your relative, and your family. When you've been in the thick of it as long as I have, you tend to get cold and develop some gallows humor. Most of my questions are rhetorical, and for you to answer for yourself. Sorry to respond to a weeks old post, but it was easier than talking about my mental health.
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Comment on When do you know that you've found "the one"? in ~life
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkIt's messy, its complicated, and maybe a bit spiritual? At the very core, long-term romantic relationships are simultaneously: 2 (usually) people enjoying the flirtation and fancy of a romantic...It's messy, its complicated, and maybe a bit spiritual?
At the very core, long-term romantic relationships are simultaneously:
- 2 (usually) people enjoying the flirtation and fancy of a romantic arrangement. i.e. the couple-specific uniqueness and shared experience of the arrangement.
- A political arrangement structured around long term life commitments, specifically existing as a series of resource sharing arrangements.
'The One' is simply one idea of how this done. Having a singular romantic partner that one establishes as their legal equal is a facet of our culture, not a universal human innateness. Other romantic partnership structures have emerged over the course of human history. In fact, the current "Mainstream" version of a romantic legal partnership is something that emerged from specific Victorian ideals, which were later reinterpreted as "family values" during the middle of the 20th century, as part of a cultural push for the "nuclear family." As my girlfriend might aptly put it, "Most people in our culture are really mono-brained."
I assume that monogamy and the idea of 'One True Person' or even 'One True Partnership that gets Formed" must work for someone, but in my experience, most people actually don't like to think that way, and instead force that idea into themselves to feel secure. Most people have multiple relationships in life, and most of those relationships don't work out.
Additionally, I feel our culture has a massive blind spot around what courtship is, and lacks the proper vocabulary to discuss it. This gets wrapped up in in the present gender dynamics and discourse, and whatever new-wave or retro-wave trends are present.
For example: In my relationship with my wife, we found almost immediately there was an economic differences in our family backgrounds. Over the course of our relationship, my privilege and familial resources were used for the procurement of several big-ticket items that she expressly owns. (Her car, and the house we jointly own) Romantically, that can be interpreted as dowry payments for her hand in marriage. However, these items are also expressly used as an aspect of our partnership. Logically? my wife is more effective with a fully functioning vehicle that she enjoys using, and the honourable thing for me to do as a partner, is for me to ensure that she has adequate ownership of our shared domicile.
And these are things we discuss! Our relationship has been a conversation, a series of ongoing negotiations for the two of us to work on our long term goals. We both work to provide for each other's unique personal wants and needs. Ultimately, our personal respect for each other and our choices is what has allowed us to love each other long term. Polyamory was something that was discussed when we got back together after our 8th break-up. Getting a house was something we discussed as a long term goal, was agreed to over other goals, and then was something we both worked on achieving.
Meanwhile, my girlfriend is someone I had known for years, had discussed opinions about polyamory with, and was someone who knew and understood who I was. Beginning a relationship with her was something that was discussed with my wife, and with her. Rules and boundaries were established, with long term understandings of our life plans. She and my wife are good friends, and frequently work together on household projects.
Finally, Love is as much terror as it is enjoyment. In my opinion, you cannot love anyone until you've fully admitted to yourself that you would be upset if they were gone from your life. Love has that cost.
I mention all of these various sub-points, because that is the nuance and nitty-gritty required for a long term romantic partnership. While I Love both my wife and my girlfriend, our long term relationship is ultimately sustainable by secured by a complex series of agreements and understandings that as built from the ground up.
With all that in mind, I'll answer your question.
With my Wife, I knew quickly. Part of it is hard for me to rationalize since its all hindsight this many years later.
There was this moment when we first locked eyes, on a staircase. She wondering how she had managed to bump into the exact person she was planning to dodge going on a date with, and me thinking that it was funny that I'd bumped into the very cute girl I was about to go on a date with, and that she looked very cute when she was bewildered.
There was the time my (then) best friend had a mental health crisis, and the subsequent fallout ended the friendship. This was right after a particularly bad breakup with her, and without knowing who else to talk to, I called her.
I recall us cuddling in my dorm room, and me telling her my philosophy about relationships. That every stage of our relationship was about both of us taking a chance - and that I would keep taking chances until I ran out of chances. (part of this is a quote from Rogue One) Anyways, I asked her to marry me shortly after the first time we broke up and got back together. I'd only known her about two months at that point.
Maybe I realized she was the one during a late night chat, wandering the hallways of our terrible little college, or on an off night from when we were both working overnights.
Or perhaps it was after I bailed her out of a situation for the third time in 3 years, effortlessly resolving an issue of immense stress and hardship for her, with me realizing that I would bail this woman out of anything, and I should probably come to terms with that.
I guess it could have been the valentines day that I finally came out of the closet, and she unambiguously supported me, and helped me process and try on clothes.
In total, she dumped me 8 times, (I dumped her twice), Cops were called at least twice, I changed genders, she realized how gay she was, and we were negotiating at every stage of the process. We've lived in 3 different cities. Our relationship ultimately worked out because She is gay, I am a woman, and we both are very morally flexible people who come from weird backgrounds. Oh, and fate liked to intervene.
Without saying more, discussions of power, honour, and betrayal have always been present in our talks. Ultimately, as she does make the majority of the food, she could easily poison me. I trust her to only do that if its necessary.
I've asked her how she knew. She's said that it was a series of evaluations she made over time, with her deciding that her feelings were supported by the logical best series of outcomes.
The first time I asked her to marry me, I asked two of my family friends about it. They told me they both had known quickly with their partners. I didn't ask my parents. To add the one point of relevant advice that doesn't fit anywhere else, my father would always say "never marry a woman who hasn't thrown a plate at you."
I call her my soulmate, but that didn't just happen. It was luck, hard work, emotional moments, and blood, sweat and tears, and us understanding who we both were. Polyamory, and the ability to have multiple partners, is a part of that. We're at a decade.
With my girlfriend, it was when in a protracted argument over Axis and Allies, a (now former) friend of ours rolled her eyes, and said "would you just kiss already." From there, it developed organically, and with the express consent of my wife.
I think for her, it was when I realized I found myself smiling anytime I thought about her. The relationship is recent, but I find that time moves quickly these days.
So, to finally and FULLY answer your question, "When do you know that you've found "the person you marry'?" It's F---ing complicated. It's a question humanity has always asked, always fretted over, and poets and musicians will eternally attempt to capture.
To Me? It was personal. It was having hope, it was negotiating, and it was giving in to fate, and it was doing the irrational thing because I loved someone. It was knowing when to surrender, and knowing when to pursue. It was knowing when to yield, when to admit I was wrong, and when to forgive. And until I had all that hindsight later, it was letting my heart and head come to a union, and acting then insisting, in face of any evidence, that my relationship was going to work out that way.
Oh, and when you know you want to marry someone? Make sure you sign a pre-nup.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentHonestly, I think you're correct. I will always genuinely wonder how informed my opinions are based on my region, social class, and what areas/eras of society I exist in. Even weirder, is the...Honestly, I think you're correct. I will always genuinely wonder how informed my opinions are based on my region, social class, and what areas/eras of society I exist in. Even weirder, is the thought that it could be entirely possible that we're both entirely correct - but only for our own unique demographics. Perhaps a well written research paper exists that could offer us better understanding, or will be written, long from now. I digress.
What bothers me, is that I don't know how our society is actually supposed to even approach this issue. Complicit rape culture is clearly a problem in America. Unfortunately, my personal, jaded experience is that complicity to heinous problems just seem the norm in our society. I can point to how the American/Anglo culture is complicit in colonialism, segregation, climate change, imperialism, and needless carnage, and has been for my lifetime.
Furthermore, duty to intervene is something that seems actively discouraged by our society. I will cite examples if requested, but our society seems to have a strong preference for privacy in all matters, which absolutely is an aspect of the complicity issue.
And as a trans woman, in my experiences in trans spaces, even a heinous crime like a gang rape is simply par for the course. I don't mean to surrender into whataboutism, but consider the following point:
As we are both writing from a country that's willing to elect a rapist to the highest position of power... I think our feminist thinkers need to revisit how effective feminist messaging has actually been in the last 30 years. It honestly bothers and scares me that the current state of feminist discourse, is seeing an article about a woman getting gang raped at an Ivy League school with no consequences, and then seeing the same messaging that I grew up reading about 'college rape culture' in the 2000s.
If we are a nation of people who are complicit in all manner of harm, and we refuse to reflect on how are efforts to change this have failed, then I wonder if we are truly damned, in the face of all just words and effort we claim to desire.
I don't believe justice exists. However, I believe in attempts to make a more just world. On the topic of rape culture, I see feminist messaging that is often absolutely true, but does not, in my opinion and experience, create allies, spark thoughtful conversation, or further a more just world. In a sentence, I see feminist messaging that scolds and folds, rather than creates a framework to attempt a better future.
I don't know how to create a more just world and future. I think we desire the same things, a more equitable, just world, where fewer people are left in harms way, and where perpetrators are adequately held responsible.
I agree with everything you've said, I quibble with on the impact of the perspective. I hope that my respect for you and this issue comes clear in my responses, and please let me know if I need to elaborate, or am especially disrespectful in any of my opinions.
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Comment on Cornell won't, we will in ~news
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentI agree with almost everything you've written, but I'd like to offer a bit of a Marxist critique as to the "Not All Men" section of your comment. In general, it seems like there is a missing...I agree with almost everything you've written, but I'd like to offer a bit of a Marxist critique as to the "Not All Men" section of your comment.
In general, it seems like there is a missing class-dynamics discussion around the affluence of the perpetrators. Whenever I read about a disturbing case like the 2024 Cornell case, it feels like the perpetrators often come from a distinct type of affluent, male predator that is shielded behind layers of social, administrative and legal protections.
I agree that 85% of the participants in the group chat being passive observers to a rape is disturbing. It personally sickens me.
However, I think a lot of the Feminist discussion of these issues has been derelict of the affluence of the perpetrators. As such, I'd like to ask this:
In our society, does "Men's passive participation in rape culture" exist as a cross-societal problem, or is it primarily an issue in affluent areas of American/Anglo society where perpetrators are given enhanced social, legal, and administrative protections?
Specifically, I ask this because my experiences have lead me to conclude that while our society inherently has massive issues with sexism, most men that I have lived and worked around do not seem complicate in "rape culture," even passively. While men I am around may be passively sexist, doing such examples as: passing women over for promotions, discounting the work of woman collaborators, downplaying the needs and perspectives of women socially... I've never directly observed men being passively complicit in rape culture. This is a perspective that has endured before AND after I transitioned.
However, I know that I am on the lower end of the economic spectrum. I went to a second-tier State University, I've worked around people without university education, and I live in a lower class neighborhood. I also live in a Northern city with a strong history of social justice.
Regardless, I am afraid of here, is that there exists a distinct class of men who, for whatever reason, (economic, moral, social, personal, etc.) do not participate in "Rape Culture" and if anything, are allies against it. Maybe they're too economically disadvantaged to further any political/social opinion that doesn't actively affect them. Maybe they're so socially isolated, that they don't bother participate. Maybe they're a paragon of virtue, but no one has ever asked them to do anything about it in an actual way. None of these men could be described as being "complicit in rape culture," and might actually be feminist allies to the issue.
However, an affluent group of men (and women) exist outside of this class, and either actively or passively participates in Rape Culture. These people are entirely complicit, and are able to continue to get away with their crimes via legal and economic protections. They can afford good lawyers, can move across borders readily and easily, and their privilege allows them social connections with judges and prosecutors.
If the feminist argument here is that "men are complicit in rape culture if they..." and this argument is directed at ALL men, instead of a group of wealthy perpetrators with social and economic protections.... we're not discussing the issue. Instead, we're alienating people who absolutely are not complicit, instead of examining the cultural factors that allow these acts to happen.
What's weird about the 85% figure, is also the fact that 85% of the student body of Cornell is affluent. In my experience, when lower and middle class people are accused of Gang Rape, their outcomes are not the same as those of the affluent. What scares me, is the idea of someone being able to use their privilege and influence to evade justice, and then an ensuing culture war that completely evades discussing how material conditions change outcomes.
I agree with you as to the problem of Rape Culture. I think we're afraid to discuss how much wealth is a cause of it.
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Comment on The darker side of being a doctor in ~health.mental
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkMy hometown has the highest per-capita population of doctors, so I always forget how much the general public seems shielded from the current issues with healthcare outside of cost. I think its...My hometown has the highest per-capita population of doctors, so I always forget how much the general public seems shielded from the current issues with healthcare outside of cost. I think its clear that the real issues in American healthcare are essentially the same across large swaths of American society:
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Lack of ability to organization, due to exhaustion and separation from colleagues.
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Specialists being burdened with large balances of student debt forcing them to stay in their specialized field of study as the only feasible way to pay off said debt.
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Metrics being used to determine decisions, without understanding of the actual situational specifics of the situation.
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Mental Health/Burnout being ignored, or papered over with worthless admin sentiments and unnecessary trainings.
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Systemic educational barriers constraining the flow of new entrants into the field, causing increased strain on the supply of personnel.
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Legal compliance to avoid lawsuits being the primary focus of the administration, rather than actual effort being made to optimize or protect staff.
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Bloated Administrations, with top heavy salaries going to company leaders who are business NOT industry trained.
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Technology issues causing snarls in work flow, and unnecessary work.
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Post-Covid industry-specific fallout.
I'd imagine other anglophone countries have most of these issues in healthcare, but this is a cross-sector issue. Doctors just have some of the worst experiences, because they're so in demand. It's clearly a long term consequence of undervaluing labour, attempts to save costs with worker replacement, and a broad financialization of our society. (So basically just neo-liberalism)
I expect it to eventually get better, because eventually a lot of people will die in a completely expected but needless way, and that actually might move the needle on this issue.
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Comment on Where do we go from here? (Regarding AI) in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentSorry for getting snarky! It was unnecessarily rude of me to do so, and a lot of it was a reaction to how much space this topic is taking up in our culture. I think that Neoliberalism has...Sorry for getting snarky! It was unnecessarily rude of me to do so, and a lot of it was a reaction to how much space this topic is taking up in our culture.
I think that Neoliberalism has conditioned our culture to specifically to seek a simple, moralized evaluation of impossibly complicated situations, and that this framework distracts from the discussion as a whole. This, combined with the fact that this is such a massive cultural shift for us as a society, makes any such evaluation ultimately impossible.
If we sit down and look at any new technology, then reflect on our values, we find an almost net negative for most technologies. Underpaid labour, the human cost of large infrastructure projects, and the reshaping of human societies tends to cause a significant amount of harm, long before any dividends are paid back to humanity. And even then, the cascade of consequences of new technology are perhaps more a reflection of how humanity thinks to use said technology, rather than an evaluation of the technology. Essentially, this creates a massive issue where neoliberalism moralizes without fixing or accounting for human behavior.
AI can do a lot of things that were previously harder. What will people do with that ability? What does it mean if people do bad things with a technology? I'm not sure we're ready to discuss that as a society. AI's pattern recognition tools are an exceptional development for humanity. We could theoretically use it to develop new medicines and proteins and even solve math problems that we've been struggling with for centuries! However, in the same stroke, the world's richest man is currently in court arguing for it to be able to create deepfake pornography, including that of minors.
If we want to say 'net positive' or 'net negative' that ends up being a reflection of who we are as society, and I think that's beyond the topic of AI. As such, I just don't think we can collapse AI into any moral framework in the long run, and I decided to get snarky. I apologize, and I do appreciate you posting the topic.
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Comment on Where do we go from here? (Regarding AI) in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentIn terms of manipulating text, software, and online spaces? Maybe, but I'm not so sure. So much of communication requires diplomacy and situation specific reasoning. As AI models are so...In terms of manipulating text, software, and online spaces? Maybe, but I'm not so sure. So much of communication requires diplomacy and situation specific reasoning. As AI models are so statistical in nature, they're so likely to take the statistically best option that they can't really adapt to human specific problems as easily as people might think.
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Comment on Where do we go from here? (Regarding AI) in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentI think you cover a lot of the tech points really well. I would like to quibble on one point: I don't know how hazardous the development of LLMs are. Well, to actually screen the content the LLMs...I think you cover a lot of the tech points really well. I would like to quibble on one point:
I don't know how hazardous the development of LLMs are.Well, to actually screen the content the LLMs were scraping, OpenAI went the traditional route of exposing underpaid workers in a foreign country to hazardous conditions. There is an obvious human cost to making these models, and I think its too easy to forget that.
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Comment on Where do we go from here? (Regarding AI) in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkDo you feel concerned about AI or are you still unconvinced? I am absolutely concerned about AI, but not for the standard reasons. What I see is a bunch of data centers being built to pilot drones...Do you feel concerned about AI or are you still unconvinced?
I am absolutely concerned about AI, but not for the standard reasons. What I see is a bunch of data centers being built to pilot drones and to scan communications and behavior for dissidence for a future regime. AI, as it presently exists for civilians, is just the tip of the iceberg.
Even now, I find myself thinking that commenting on some obscure forum will put me on a list someday as a dissident. Even if I'm a lawful citizen, I do good for my community, and try goddamn hard to make this world a better place within the bounds of the law, I still am putting a target on my back by being identifiable.
Do you think AI will take your job? Why or why not?
Will AI take my job? No, but it could tank the industry I work in, and the ripple affect to the economy could seriously cause me some issues.
Are you considering a career change or any other big life decisions because of the changing world?
I already fell for the 'change careers and be safe' thing once. As to major life decisions? No, but I would say that I feel like I should hide my face in public more.
How are you advising your children, regarding schooling and careers?
I don't have children, but if I had any, I would be making it very clear to them that AI seems to be eroding a lot of critical thinking skills in the general populace, and they should act accordingly.
Do you have a subscription to an AI service? If you have one, how do you feel about it?
No.
Do you think that this technology will be a net positive or a net negative?
Oh bless your heart, what a neoliberal way to frame things! I don't think you can frame AI as a 'Net Positive' and 'Net Negative.' It's just too much of a subjective thing, and 'AI' is just too big of a topic to really discuss in this way.
Which AI are we asking about? Chatbots? Protein Sequencing Algorithms? Autonomous Weapons?
Even if we compress AI down to a single topic, then we're still going to have to contend with a lot. It'd be like asking if the Railroad or the Internet was a net positive or a net negative. For who? When are we talking about? What is the standard of net positive / negative? It's just too much of a change to collapse into a simple + / -
How do you think the human race will change, if at all?
Gen Z and Gen Alpha will be thrown into the metaphorical woodchipper in testing the effects of AI on the populace. Any regulation will come far too late, and the culture will be significantly damaged by the influence of AI. We simply don't quite understand the long term effects of having LLM Chatbots on daily life, but my guess is that there will be a significant net negative from every study I've come across.
I think many people will retreat from society, and will only communicate regularly with chatbots. I think we've already begun to see this with the rise of NEETs and Hikimori, but this will turbocharge the trend and pull away many people from social spaces. I've already started to see this happen in my day to day life, and it disgusts me.
While we are definitely seeing some of the more extreme scenarios bubble up (Specifically, the weird effects of sycophantic AI; people being pushed into suicide, etc.) I think that the real toll it takes on people will only be fully understood decades from now.
Additionally, I think that AI will quickly get to the point where it can be reliably used at scale for mass suppression. Soon, LLMs will be able to autonomously monitor and expunge information that a state doesn't want shared publicly online. Furthermore, given the spycraft capabilities of the NSA and other agencies, specifically the ability to monitor keystrokes and ambient audio via cell phones, I think that STATESEC will immediately get a lot better at repression, and poorer countries will be used as the test bed for this.
Furthermore, AI piloted killbots will probably be seen in the next couple decades. I think that they will be immediately very effective, but won't be long term. Ukraine has already shown dozens of adaptations to drone warfare, and I think that AI's reliance on electricity, data centers, and communications networks create a significant tactical weaknesses that will be immediately exploitable.
Do you think we will see a serious incident driven by AI in the near future?
Yeah probably. I'm assuming that Meta will accidentally blow a power grid and get a bunch of people killed in a heatwave.
Does it bother you that humans may not be the dominant intelligence at some point? Do you think this is even possible?
This is an improper question that is following a 100% a manufactured narrative. The vague idea that "AI" is on the verge of some super intelligence and that were heading towards a skynet scenario is 100% a manufactured narrative made by the AI industry for hype.
LLMs, algorithms, and versions of AI that currently and publicly exist are not intelligent. They are not on the verge of being intelligent, and as we have begun to observe, LLMs might actually be a dead end for AGI development.
Are there fun philosophical questions to pose here? absolutely. Are we on the verge having this happen? Not in the next decade, unless someone has been hiding a significant advance in development.
Does any of this affect your sense of identity or individuality? How do you feel about your skill set and hobbies?
As a non-tech/tech-adjacent person, no, it doesn't change my identity or individuality. If anything, it's made me feel a lot better about my continuing drive to be more present and human.
I've noticed in my experiences, I'm slow to adopt new forms of tech. I hate the UI incremental changes that companies make, and I'm too cheap to buy new tech unless I have to. (My TV is from 2006). At a certain point, I realized I was happier with a flip phone and paper notes.
As to my skills? My diplomacy, my artistic expression, my logistical capabilities, and my attention to the human elements of life seem to be serving me very well.
What do you think it means to be human in a machine dominated world?
Well, as someone who was born into a machine dominated world, to a generation previously born in a machine dominated world.... I think that a lot of people don't quite understand history.
Machines have dominated our world since at least 1860. This is just the latest and greatest model. Is there really a distinction other than enhanced efficiency and control?
AI might dominate online spaces soon.... but then ZINE culture might just come back. Or, people will develop new verification methods and host privater communities.
Ultimately though, the conversations happening now seem to reflect the same of the 1880s to the 1900s. History doesn't repeat, it just rhymes.
Overall, are you feeling optimistic or pessimistic?
I don't care. The world is as it is. Sometimes people die, and sometimes they don't. sometimes the world gets worse, and sometimes it gets better. We just live in the gears of the machinery. Being pessimistic about what could happen is a waste of time, since we don't really control what will happen.
I see a bunch of people using AI and getting dumber. I see our politics and our economy failing us, and this issue being wrapped up in it. Climate change isn't being paid attention to, and I think that this technology actually doesn't actually change the calculus there.
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Comment on My parent is a bad person [rant] in ~life
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkHave you considered a support group such as ACAD? (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) A loved one of mine does this via a support group, and talking about her experiences...Have you considered a support group such as ACAD? (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families)
A loved one of mine does this via a support group, and talking about her experiences with others who have gone through similar things has really helped her to process her feelings around her relationship with her parent.
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Comment on I need more hilariously awful pick up lines to make my wife roll her eyes at me in ~talk
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkMy personal favorite, and I don't think any pickup line can beat this one. "Want to F--- and Order a Pizza?"My personal favorite, and I don't think any pickup line can beat this one.
"Want to F--- and Order a Pizza?"
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (June 2026) in ~health.mental
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkHonestly? Things could be going better. I'm happy, I'm hanging in there, but I have a lot of people I'm really worried about. A lot of my perspective is tied to my personal experiences as a trans...Honestly? Things could be going better. I'm happy, I'm hanging in there, but I have a lot of people I'm really worried about. A lot of my perspective is tied to my personal experiences as a trans woman, and the queer community, FYI. (Pseudonyms are being used for everyone. Also just assume everyone is transgender unless I say otherwise)
I'm doing ok. I'm a bit burnt out, but a lot of things should be pretty temporary, and I've gotten pretty good with coping skills. Being back on Medication (specifically Welbutrin) has been really good for me, and has given me more energy to be there for myself and other people.
Mostly, I'm just tired. Getting back on a stimulant hasn't been amazing for my sleep, and it's a lot easier to stay up way too late now that it's summer, and the sun doesn't go down until 9pm. Also, given the amount of complex mental health support I've had to provide people, it has started to wear on me. I supported 28 mental health breakdowns this month. I wrestled a knife away from my best friend on memorial day to keep them from hurting themself.
I wish more people in my life were more cognizant of their problems when they come to me. My girlfriend 'Jane' (I am polyamorous) decided she wants to get SRS (Sexual Reassignment Surgery), and she's been bothering me with it a lot. I already told her I would help, and be there for her for getting all the complicated and obnoxious paperwork together, but she also keeps asking for reassurance, and it's not something I feel comfortable doing. My own experiences as a trans woman led me to conclude that there were so many far more important things than the my personal genitalia, and I don't intend to get SRS anytime soon, if ever. And so, I don't really want to talk to her about it, because I don't feel like I can help her with the emotions surrounding it all, since I simply just do not care. Sure, I can help with the paperwork, but I really don't want to talk about the emotions surrounding it. Her PTSD has been a bit better at least. Less flashbacks since April. She only had 2 mental breakdowns this month.
I'm currently supporting someone I'll call 'Ruth' with her mental health. She's absolutely been through a rough patch in life. She's a trans woman refugee, and it's a miracle she made it to a queer friendly place in as good of shape as she did. I supported her through 20 separate breakdowns over the course of the month, and I'm finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. She needs a new apartment, but because she's mentally ill and dysphoric, she's absolutely convinced the most important thing to do for herself right now is to apply to PHD programs and interrogate the physical aspects of herself that she thinks keeps her from passing. side note, if anyone is Transgender and/or a PHD student/Doctoral Candidate/Professor and is willing to help her figure out doctoral applications as a first generation college student, please PM me immediately.
I'm terrified I'm steering Ruth wrong. I grew up learning that you should really be careful taking care of people emotionally, that because you can start taking away agency and can hurt people if you say/do the wrong thing. However, having lived some of her exact experiences as a trans woman, as a young person in a new city, and as a woman in general, she really needs to dismantle some of her attitudes, and accept certain aspects of herself to have the life she wants. I'm hoping getting her into a new apartment will allow her to actually start figuring shit out, but there's never a guarantee with these things, and we're all so close to the edge right now.
I'm also afraid that Ruth will eventually cause so many issues with the other people in my life, that it will implode on me in some way shape or form. I'm trying my hardest for these people, and I know they're trying too, but it's so hard to have to play the diplomat for people all the time.
Another friend of mine 'Margot' ran out of money, and had to beg me for money for gas. I took care of that for her, and sent her off with dinner and a bag of groceries, but it terrifies me to see someone that close to the edge, especially someone who's older than me.
The news keeps getting weirder. The news updates I see is more sporadic or make less and less sense. It feels like something is looming on the horizon. Almost, like storm clouds you see in the distance before a great storm.
I've been journaling a lot recently. I've found it helps.
I planted my garden. I have squash saplings. I consume a large amount of marijuana to cope with my feelings, and I spend time with people I love all the time. My wife is doing pretty well. My cat is happy. And I am fed, have a roof over my head, and I am, ultimately, mostly stable.
So yeah, I'm fine, and other people are just... not. Call it the economy, call it the world we live in, the people around me are not ok, and it's been stressful trying to make them more ok. And deep down, I know it's a bit of an impossible task, but I feel a strong need to be there for people whether I want to or not.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (May 2026) in ~health.mental
TransFemmeWarmachine (edited )LinkI had a weird April. I've started properly keeping track of my the mental breakdowns that I end up supporting, and I ended the month at 19 breakdowns* that I supported. I'm hanging in there, but I...I had a weird April. I've started properly keeping track of my the mental breakdowns that I end up supporting, and I ended the month at 19 breakdowns* that I supported. I'm hanging in there, but I think the miasma of the world is really leaking into my friends and myself.
I had a few breakdowns. I know I need to be better about taking care of myself (and anyone in my life will tell me that), and I'm trying to do just that. I've gotten a bit better about setting boundaries.
I'm finally fully medicated again. My insurance kicked in May1st, and I was finally able to get back on my prescriptions. I think it's helping.
Gas prices are high. People are tense.
The world, right now, feels surreal. I get the sense that a lot of things are coming to a head, like the kind of weirdness you see before revolution or a climactic change. I want to discount that thought, because I think that's a really easy takeaway to have, and so many things have just blown over. Still, I don't know. I keep hearing a lot of worrying statistics. I keep wondering if the bough will break. Or worse, if we'll just adjust to this as a new normal.
- (I've decided to categorize any continuous span of 15 minutes or greater, focused primarily on supporting a person. Usually this is mental health issues, and they range from 15 minutes to 4-6 hours.)
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Comment on Woman covertly filmed for 'humiliating' social media content - then told to pay for removal in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentHadn't heard of them before, but yeah pretty similar!Hadn't heard of them before, but yeah pretty similar!
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Comment on Woman covertly filmed for 'humiliating' social media content - then told to pay for removal in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine (edited )LinkI started wearing a veil about two years ago. It's a black veil, and I wear it with an old cowboy hat from the Eras Tour. When I don't have it up, I use it as a scarf. (A friend recently described...I started wearing a veil about two years ago. It's a black veil, and I wear it with an old cowboy hat from the Eras Tour. When I don't have it up, I use it as a scarf. (A friend recently described my look as 'post-apocalyptic cowgirl')
One of the primary reasons I started wearing it while out, was that numerous houses in my neighborhood have cameras that announce that they're recording you. I wouldn't have a problem with this, if they didn't activate while I was on the sidewalk, which is public property.
Every time I see a news story like this, I feel a discomforting validation from continuing to dress like this.
Edit: since a couple people asked: Me
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Comment on Forget the AI apocalypse. Memes have already nuked our culture. in ~tech
TransFemmeWarmachine LinkI think it's pretty clear that our culture has developed a strange, symbiotic relationship with technology, and we just refuse to discuss it. I get the sense that's the author's intended thesis,...I think it's pretty clear that our culture has developed a strange, symbiotic relationship with technology, and we just refuse to discuss it. I get the sense that's the author's intended thesis, though I think they get so bogged down in the details the story kinda trails off.
Ultimately though, there doesn't seem to clear idea of what we should do about this, either as a culture or on an individual level. If the vast majority of people are plugged in and addicted to tech, it makes leaving that ecosystem even harder.
I see this in my personal life a lot. I'm fairly unplugged at this point (Tildes is basically my only active social media - I don't count discord as social media) and the majority of people I interact with I have some sort of IRL relationship with. Otherwise, my only feed is traditional news media, and scrolling through reddit passively at work. I also don't have a smart phone anymore - I switched to a flip phone a year or so ago.
When I meet someone new, (usually at a local gay bar, or at my work) they often talk about some sort of online trend or discourse that I haven't heard of, and I'll find myself kinda staring blankly at them. Or, I'll get a message from someone I know already irl talking about a social issue or something that they heard about online, and I don't know what to say back to them.
I'm happy being this unplugged, but I have to admit, it's lonely, and a bit bizarre to be this disconnected from the world at large. I'd feel like I'm an old person not aware of new trends, if it wasn't for people older than me telling me about them.
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Comment on NHTSA tells US Congress: advanced impaired driving detection tech isn't ready in ~transport
TransFemmeWarmachine Link ParentNot to burst your bubble, but almost all transportation public policy is ultimately about deciding whether people not dying is worth the increased burden to the public. That's not even getting...Not to burst your bubble, but almost all transportation public policy is ultimately about deciding whether people not dying is worth the increased burden to the public. That's not even getting into the absolute mess that American transportation public policy even is.
On a base level, even something as minor as a stop sign being placed somewhere is an attempt to reduce traffic fatalities, but increases the time, and thus the burden, on the driving public for that street. Going outwards, where the major thoroughfare roads are ultimately is a political issue factoring into noise, and health outcomes, before even going further towards climate change, and access issues.
Regarding this, we already have solutions in place for curbing drunk driving. Laws around drinking and driving are a common core of driver's education, and installing breathalyzers into repeat offender's cars is a fairly feasible situation
But that's not even touching on the actual issue. The real issue is the pivot to a car-centric society has ultimately devastated America. Highway policy was actively racist, leaded gasoline lead to decades of increased crime, and the average American commuter spends 30 minutes a day in traffic.
Some more 'fun' facts, the majority of American suburbs were constructed before drunk driving was even a crime. MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) cares more about punishing drunk drivers than preventing it from happening (specifically by ignoring solutions like sober cab services, public transit options, etc.), and public transit systems were explicitly culled by auto manufacturers. DUI law also is frequently used as a justification for racist stops.
Also, I sincerely do not know where you're getting the 12,000 fatalities figure. A total of ~40,000 people die in America per year from any traffic related fatality.
Finally, this 'solution' to a public policy issue increases the police state, without actually providing a real solution. Putting Cameras and Microphones in people's cars, and monitoring them automatically is an absurdist solution.
Musk I haven't been able to catch it yet, but if anyone knows where I can stream it, please let me know. I've heard mixed reviews, but I've got a hobby project I plan to spend 4 hours doing, so I'd like to see it for myself.