circaechos's recent activity
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Comment on How long a first date should be in ~life
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Comment on Anyone else here love knives? in ~hobbies
circaechos Link ParentI'd really love this! I've been going to get knives sharpened, but it's always a whole thing to have fewer knives in an already minimalist set for a week, and I'm consistently baffled why it takes...I'd really love this! I've been going to get knives sharpened, but it's always a whole thing to have fewer knives in an already minimalist set for a week, and I'm consistently baffled why it takes that long. I'd be curious to learn how to do it myself, as someone who knows basically nothing about knife sharpening.
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Comment on Runners - please help me with tempo runs! in ~health
circaechos Link ParentOh geez, blood glucose has definitely been beyond me; I was too cheap to think about mid-run snacks and my long runs never went beyond 14-16 miles, but I'd love to hear what you know!Oh geez, blood glucose has definitely been beyond me; I was too cheap to think about mid-run snacks and my long runs never went beyond 14-16 miles, but I'd love to hear what you know!
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Comment on Runners - please help me with tempo runs! in ~health
circaechos Link ParentYou're welcome! Only caveat, IIRC 2-2 breathing assumes a stride around 90 (that is, averaging 90 steps with your right foot per minute). And totally, like, learning to listen to your body is a...You're welcome! Only caveat, IIRC 2-2 breathing assumes a stride around 90 (that is, averaging 90 steps with your right foot per minute). And totally, like, learning to listen to your body is a whole practice, well beyond running. I had a yoga teacher that would say that learning to balance the discipline for where you'd like your practice to be and grace for where your practice is, now, is at least a lifetime of work. But, in my experience, most folks that are running regularly are pretty solid on discipline, and grace doesn't get enough credit in those circles :)
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Comment on Runners - please help me with tempo runs! in ~health
circaechos LinkYay! Exercise physiology time! Also, @Hooked probably has the better lay explanation, @loaffy mentioned this, but though I'd expand a bit -- I don't use all this knowledge terribly often, but it's...Yay! Exercise physiology time! Also, @Hooked probably has the better lay explanation, @loaffy mentioned this, but though I'd expand a bit -- I don't use all this knowledge terribly often, but it's fun to have around :)
So, there's two types of respiration in humans: aerobic and anaerobic. Aerobic respiration is probably what you're used to with running: your body needs oxygen to keep moving, but you can take in enough oxygen that you can maintain a steady state without going into a deficit. That is, oxygen in >= oxygen used. Aerobic respiration is the opposite; you're going fast enough that your body's using more oxygen than you're taking in, leaving you with an oxygen deficit; oxygen in < oxygen used. (And, technically it's more about CO2 buildup than oxygen, but they're kinda the same -- breathing is just as much about getting rid of CO2 as it is about taking in air). So, there's a threshold where oxygen in ~= oxygen used, that's your threshold/tempo/10k pace! Lactic threshold is another name, it's the point where lactate stars to build up quickly. The point of training at this pace is so that your body gets more efficient at processing oxygen and getting rid of lactate, so that when you're racing, the point at where oxygen in ~= oxygen out is just a bit faster, you're more oxygen/lactate efficient at all speeds, and (hopefully) you run faster time :)
So, with all that, you can go the super scientific route (e.g. 85% of max heart rate or gauging pace based on a recent race), or (my preference) you can use those to approximate a pace, and then go off of feel. Most folks, with some practice, can start to feel out where the switch happens between aerobic and anaerobic respiration. I've described it as a "tying up" of muscles, or a breathing that dips below 2-2 (that is, breathing faster than two steps per inhale, two steps per exhale).
I'm much more a fan of going by breathing and effort --- when prescribed a pace, lots of folks will try to rigorously stick to it, rather than adjusting based on how well they're feeling that day. You don't get any benefit from going 5-10% faster than your tempo run pace, you just tire your body out more/risk unnecessary injury, and, if you slept poorly or your exercise increased, your threshold might be lower than what a recent race would prescribe. So, with all that, my advice would be to use online calculators to find an approximate pace (this one lists it as "threshold"), and go to a track or to a course that you have a pretty good idea of distances and try it out, eventually trying to focus on feel as much as you can. IIRC, tempo pace is about the same as 10k pace, but that depends a bunch on fitness, the terminology's more about respiration and lactate.
Citations, I learned all this from Daniels' Running Formula, which I'm sure is deserving of a few valid critiques, but it's one of the more accessible exercise physiology resources that I've come across.
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Comment on Any people who do not consider themselves part of the "community"? in ~lgbt
circaechos Link ParentAh, I guess, soft-same, and also, most of the trans folks that I meet are neurodivergent in some way or another. But, like, I don't meet folks that feel like "my people" at bars/pride/drag shows,...Ah, I guess, soft-same, and also, most of the trans folks that I meet are neurodivergent in some way or another. But, like, I don't meet folks that feel like "my people" at bars/pride/drag shows, more at kink events (which are super neurodivergent), social dance events (which skew that way for me too) or in poly spaces (also pretty neurodivergent). It's rare that I totally mesh with anyone, I've mostly settled for finding folks that I can share parts of myself with? Like, trans spaces with trans folks that I can talk about trans things, ND spaces with ND folks that I can talk about ND things; it's not perfect, but I've learned that it's a really big ask to expect that any space would be able to cater to more than 2 aspects of my identity, I've found value in just finding more space. But again, I'm in a big west-coast US city that affords lots of opportunities, I know that lots of folks don't have that.
Also, there's a pretty hefty trans/autistic crossover, something like a 12x increase in ASD diagnoses if folks have a dysphoria diagnosis (which also means that it's probably a good bit higher, given how hard it is to get a diagnoses of any kind).
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Comment on Any people who do not consider themselves part of the "community"? in ~lgbt
circaechos Link ParentI mean, more-abled/privileged members speaking on behalf of a group isn't exactly a new thing, though there's definitely some existing (and valid)critique on how the neurodiversity movement is...I mean, more-abled/privileged members speaking on behalf of a group isn't exactly a new thing, though there's definitely some existing (and valid)critique on how the neurodiversity movement is mostly led by white autistic folks who have access to oral speech. Broadly, though, I've mostly used the neurodiversity movement as a way to advocate for the medical model of disability to be opt-in, rather than opt-out. There's lots of dis/abled folks who seek medical intervention, I'd just love for interventions to not be thrust upon those of us that don't want them (Google pitching Google Glass as a way to cure behavioral manifestations of autism is a fantastic example of what shouldn't happen).
I'd push back on the tribalist bit though. Neurodiversity, like LGBTQ+ community, approaches with the goal of building affinity. Part of the reason that words like "neurodivergent" or "queer" are so powerful is that the buckets are way, way bigger than autistic/adhd/ocd/bisexual/heteroflexibile/etc. That's not to say that more selective labels aren't helpful, just that coalitions for power & action tend to work a whole lot better when they're based around affinity. Neurodiversity/LGBTQ+ movements aren't monolithic, they're often messy and fragmented, and full of people that don't entirely fit every piece, but again, affinity as a mechanism for political coalition rather than a way to speak for everyone under the umbrella.
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~life
circaechos (edited )Link ParentI mean, we fit the gender tropes -- I was remembering how I had hurt previous relationships by not really having or respecting boundaries, they were mostly remembering what it was like to have...I mean, we fit the gender tropes -- I was remembering how I had hurt previous relationships by not really having or respecting boundaries, they were mostly remembering what it was like to have boundaries violated (I was closer to Robert, they were both closer to Margot). So, not entirely thematic, but that moment of "we're having sex and it's weird and I'm trying to be ok with what's happening" just brought on a whole heap of ache.
That, and like, no one in the story really gets to share and affirm physical wants? So, all the ache around trying to fit some sexual script that doesn't entirely work for anyone.
I don't know, I read this now and I empathize so deeply with Robert. Like, calling someone a whore isn't cool (unless someone's consenting into that), I remember a few fuck you's that I threw out towards the end of my first long-term relationship. But, like, I didn't know anything better, I only had ways of loving that were passed down from my parents that didn't work for anyone, and I was trying to act in a way that felt ok, but there was just so much that I didn't know, about myself, about relating, sex, all of it. I remember a time when someone accidentally kissed my then-girlfriend (I don't remember specifics, just that it was mostly benign) and just so many waves of insecurity came piling up that I couldn't talk to her for a few days. In large part, I thought that I was unlovable, and just got really lucky, but if they left I'd be unlovable again. Which, ya know, is a great way to be in a relationship.
When that relationship ended (unsurprisingly, I got dumped), I spent two nights a week at the library, journaling furiously, trying to process everything that happened and interrogating myself for how I behaved (which, ya know, isn't great either, but it's the tool I had at the time), and doing all this reading and learning and trying to make sure that I never hurt folks like that again. Eventually, I went and saw a therapist who clarified some of the spaces where I was a bit too hard on myself, and I've done some wonderful work on the pieces of me that felt unlovable (which ended up being all wrapped up in trans/gender stuff, yay). But, I don't know, I still remember what I felt like, trying to share space with someone, trying to be respectful, but only having shitty behavioral options available. I both 1) fully take responsibility for how I was in that relationship and 2) acknowledge that I really didn't know any other way to behave. So goes.
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~life
circaechos LinkShit, I mean, I read this when it came out and it kinda wrecked me? Like, still cis-masc identifying at the time (now enby/trans-femme), and, like, definitely some of the ways that I had been in...Shit, I mean, I read this when it came out and it kinda wrecked me? Like, still cis-masc identifying at the time (now enby/trans-femme), and, like, definitely some of the ways that I had been in relationships matched a bit too closely for comfort. But I just remember sending this around to some folks I was dating at the time and, god, it just hit really heavy for all of us. And, honestly, I'm a bit nervous to read it again.
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Comment on Non-binary DDR5 memory could be a game-changer for businesses everywhere in ~tech
circaechos Link Parentis it bad if, despite my past graduate computer architecture work, I just want to pretend that non-binary memory bucks binary memory expectations by defining it's own memory roles for itself? And...is it bad if, despite my past graduate computer architecture work, I just want to pretend that non-binary memory bucks binary memory expectations by defining it's own memory roles for itself? And defies boundaries and imagines new futures and helps the comp arch community acknowledge just how trans computing is? Instead of, ya know, being 24GB?
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Comment on The elements of change: A grand unified theory of self-help in ~science
circaechos Link ParentI'd agree, but also throw in The Body Keeps the Score with the note that if whatever you're feeling looks like trauma, feels like trauma, and symptomatically matches trauma, it's probably trauma,...I'd agree, but also throw in The Body Keeps the Score with the note that if whatever you're feeling looks like trauma, feels like trauma, and symptomatically matches trauma, it's probably trauma, even if you don't have an abuse/neglect history. And also that this book made me ugly cry on an airplane.
Mostly, I'm fine with all the self-help stuff, but there's a whole other aspect surrounding personal histories, aches, and learned behaviors that can consistently interfere with whatever bed-making tiny-habit-ness you're trying. I don't knock all the behavioral change stuff, and B.J. Fogg's papers are pretty cool (and don't fall into the same density trap as some books), but none of this talks about deconstructing who you are from how you were taught to be. That's been orders of magnitude more important than whether or not I make my bed. It's also my dissertation work 😅
In that, there's all sorts of models of therapeutic change; Carl Rogers' necessary and sufficient conditions, as well as a bunch of socio-learning that points to the importance of 1) a crisis, and 2) dialogue to distinguish between social-cultural components and personal components of that crisis. But, all to say that deeply understanding who you are will probably help with basically everything that you're trying to do.
And, if you ever don't want to read an entire book, and academic papers are mostly accessible (both in terms of getting the PDF and reading it), you could always just reading the paper and save yourself a bit of time. I know folks that have had the examples in Dweck's Mindset, for instance, be super helpful, but that wasn't really the case for me.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
circaechos LinkSo, like @Akir, I also (finally) got my steam deck, which I think is just going to be my "gaming PC"? I don't need super hi-res anything, I just wanted to play Outer Wilds without my 2012 mac mini...So, like @Akir, I also (finally) got my steam deck, which I think is just going to be my "gaming PC"? I don't need super hi-res anything, I just wanted to play Outer Wilds without my 2012 mac mini gasping for air. So, with, that, holy goodness this game is lovely. I've been wanting to play it for a while after all the recommendations from The Witness, and I've been really trying hard to not spoil anything, and somehow I've mostly succeeded!
Details, with spoilers
I think I'm comfortably mid-game at this point? I feel like each planet has a thing that I'm not quite sure how to progress beyond: getting to the Southern Observatory on Brittle to figure out Giant's Deep, getting into the Black Hole Forge, getting all the way into the comet without dying to ghost matter, getting to The Vessel in Dark Bramble without getting eaten (anglerfish are definitely headphones off, play before dark for me), getting to the sun station without dying. But, unlike The Witness, it seems like some part of the game is just "can you do this 3-D platformer/climbing challenge", which I'm ok with, it's just a different form of challenge. But wow, this game's so fun. Why can't more people make amazing concept games where the only thing you gain is knowledge? /s -
Comment on Everything Everywhere All at Once in ~movies
circaechos (edited )Link Parenteven more There's an example below, though your interpretation makes much more sense. When I think about the neurodivergent parts of me, I feel like I see the world from this gorgeous perspective...even more
There's an example below, though your interpretation makes much more sense. When I think about the neurodivergent parts of me, I feel like I see the world from this gorgeous perspective that I spend a good bit of my time offering to other people.Thanks for your perspective :) -
Comment on Everything Everywhere All at Once in ~movies
circaechos LinkAh, there's a thing I wanted to talk about here: Spoiler I'm wondering if anyone else connected the googly eyes to neurodivergence/autism? I've seen plenty of folks who put them on knives and...Ah, there's a thing I wanted to talk about here:
Spoiler
I'm wondering if anyone else connected the googly eyes to neurodivergence/autism? I've seen plenty of folks who put them on knives and whatnots to make them seem less scary or to give objects a face that they can talk to. It seemed pretty conscious to me, especially with the whole "googly eye as third eye" thing at the end of the movie, but I was wondering if other folks resonated with it that way. Between queer family acceptance and accepting neurodivergence, I was absolutely sobbing* -
Comment on AlbumLove: a new social music discovery series on Tildes in ~music
circaechos Link ParentMaybe add a "if you haven't heard this and you want to get a taste, try this song, here's a link"? It's lovely listening to albums all the way through, and I've enjoyed having a way of checking...Maybe add a "if you haven't heard this and you want to get a taste, try this song, here's a link"? It's lovely listening to albums all the way through, and I've enjoyed having a way of checking something out before diving all the way in.
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Comment on What is your favorite game you'll never finish? in ~games
circaechos Link ParentOh geez, I remember this. My ten year old hands were shaking as I tried to press all the right buttons at the right time, yeah, for like 20 minutes. Brutal, honestly. Definitely the RPG feeling of...Oh geez, I remember this. My ten year old hands were shaking as I tried to press all the right buttons at the right time, yeah, for like 20 minutes. Brutal, honestly. Definitely the RPG feeling of "ok, this run", like 40 times before the everything actually worked.
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Comment on What is your favorite game you'll never finish? in ~games
circaechos Link ParentJust to offer, if you're working through feelings that strong, it might be helpful to work with a therapist or counselor? In general, the lay idea of exposure therapy is pretty different than what...Just to offer, if you're working through feelings that strong, it might be helpful to work with a therapist or counselor? In general, the lay idea of exposure therapy is pretty different than what the term means in a therapeutic context.
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~talk
circaechos (edited )Link ParentI can try! I used to have a really good handle on what worked for my body...and then I started HRT and literally everything was different. So. Kushes don't really work for me, or anything that's...I can try! I used to have a really good handle on what worked for my body...and then I started HRT and literally everything was different. So.
Kushes don't really work for me, or anything that's skunky; for me, most "classic stoner weed" makes me feel dumber, in a way that I really don't enjoy. My hypothesis is that Kushes are part of why so many folks have a bad first experience -- if you're smoking whatever your "stoner friend" (or whatever) has on hand, it might be great for them and pretty terrible for you. Some sort of Kush in the lineage is prevalent in most strains, mostly I just look for things that are balanced out with something else (i.e. GSC is great, Durban Poison balances the Kush parent pretty well.
I'll throw out, also, that getting the same strains from two different growers could give pretty different effects. Some folks try to maximize THC content, which (in my experience) tends to lead to a lot more anxiousness/unhappiness, instead of growing something that's well balanced across the spectrum of cannabis and terpenes. For a metaphor, most folks probably prefer balanced tomatoes, rather than super duper acidic tomatoes, even if they primarily use them to add acidity to food. If you can buy legally, strains around 15-20% THC are probably going to feel way better than 25-30%.
People are really, really different, so I usually suggest that folks go into a shop (or meet a friend, or whatever) and smell as many things as they can, and go with whatever smells best. I used to really enjoy really orangy sativas (durban poison is a prime example), now those are way too much for me and I'll lean more towards tropical fruits (think daytime at a beach mood) or dark fruits (think relaxing in the evening with wine/plum dessert). Getting fancier, caryophyllene dominant strains have been good for me pre/post HRT (Pineapple Express, Mimosa, GSC, Gorilla Glue, Purple Punch), though we really have no idea how terpenes work because we basically know nothing about weed. My partner and I both think of Girl Scout Cookies (and many derivatives) as journaling weed --- I can notice more of the connections between my thoughts and ask questions about those connections.
It's rough in spaces that aren't legal, but if you're excited to find out what works for you, just try a bunch of things, go really slow (especially if it's been a while) and jot down a few notes about what you like and what you don't like. Comparative tasting is pretty hard with cannabis (effects are 3-4 hours with smoking, which is long enough to forget how things felt specifically), but the granularity can be pretty broad, maybe just "I'm having a lot of negative self-talk" or "I feel like my focus is all over the place" or "my heart's feeling calm". Buy grams, just try lots of things out! Also, feel free to message if you want to talk more, I readily joke that weed made me trans, but only because I found strains that worked for me and had space to explore what was coming up.
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~talk
circaechos Link ParentYeah, this definitely matches the experiences of some friends with ADHD; for me my neurodiverse traits tend to come out more because it's harder to mask when the brain-snowglobe gets shaken up....Yeah, this definitely matches the experiences of some friends with ADHD; for me my neurodiverse traits tend to come out more because it's harder to mask when the brain-snowglobe gets shaken up. That said, some strains of cannabis make this so so much worse than others, and that there's a nice space of strains that help me find a really compassionate space about my brain and help bring some focus into interactions with others. But, obviously, set/setting/person makes things different.
I've thought of it metaphorically; weed makes me feel more like a teenager (maybe like 11 years old). I'm a bit out of it, I'm more self-centered, but I can meet myself there and learn some lovely things. LSD makes me feel like my memories of being a 5-6 year old. I try to hold that just as "not bad, just different", especially as I'll feel further and further from neurotypical folks, especially strangers. I'd feel the same way if I was 11, or if I was 5.
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~talk
circaechos Link ParentYou can also always just paint over your fingertips with superglue, though I don't know if this actually builds calluses underneathYou can also always just paint over your fingertips with superglue, though I don't know if this actually builds calluses underneath
Ooof, this, completely. I had a realization a few years back that, basically no matter what, every relationship, every form of love will probably end in pain. For me, it was more about asking myself what I want, given that.
The pain's probably inevitable, why not try to have fun with it?