feigneddork's recent activity
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
feigneddork Link ParentI re-read your post, and I missed the part where you moved to a different city. Well, I moved out when I was 26 to 29, and I only went back to my parents as I had no other place to go I wanted to...I re-read your post, and I missed the part where you moved to a different city.
Well, I moved out when I was 26 to 29, and I only went back to my parents as
- I had no other place to go
- I wanted to buy a house, but didn't have enough money
- (the main problem) I couldn't decide whether I wanted to move close to my (then) workplace or find a house closer to home.
My experience moving out was my mum crying hysterically like I had practically died. I did move to another town, and that town was an hour and a half away, but still. It was an overreaction back then, and time has only cemented my feelings on this. True, I didn't movie out at uni - but that was because of financial difficulties. At that time I recognised something was off, but I didn't fully realise how messed up it was. It was only once I got my own house then the "a-ha!" moments came along, and... yeah.
Now, what I'm not saying is that I have a genetic disorder, and that my mum did a lot to care for me growing up. But as I got older, it was clear that she never really wanted me to "grow up". She wanted me to stay a child forever, and that's just not realistic in the slightest. I appreciate all my parents done for me growing up, but realistically I have to move out and be my own person.
I think the breaking point for my mum was that when I told her I was planning to buy a house, she said "who's going to protect me from Dad". That was another one of my mum's tricks - painting my Dad as the villain when really she was just as bad. She said this to me, and the first time she said it I felt such a pang of guilt. The second time she said it, something snapped inside of me and I said "Well you married the man and you're in your 70s, you can look after yourself" (yes, my mum was in her 70s when she was trying to stop me from moving out and buying my house).
The penultimate point was my dad going abroad for one of my cousin's wedding, leaving my mum all alone. My sister (for some bizarre reason) kept insisting I stay at home and "protect mum". I spent one night and compared to my double bed in my house, moving into my old cramped room felt bleak and depressing. I felt robbed of my individuality and I couldn't do it, so I told my mum as such and went back to my house. I have zero regrets over that decision.
My house is in the same town as my parents, so I'm not too far off. I don't go and visit my parents often because of those negative feelings towards my parents (my dad never tried to push me to stay at home, but I recently found out he has been telling his friends he hasn't had a holiday since he has been "busy taking care of me" - I'm 37 for christ sakes. My dad also cannot accept I'm a grown man capable of independence).
My biggest regret was not trying to move out during university. I admit I didn't really know how to, nor did I have the financial means, but I think it would've really solidified my independence early on instead of check notes my mid-thirties. I do live close to my family, and a part of me wishes I moved further out because at times I genuinely cannot stand my family (save for my nephew and two nieces, who are absolutely incredible). My frustration comes from the fact that I'm the youngest of my family, and yet I have to act like the mature, sensible one in my family because nobody else can seem to get a grip.
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
feigneddork Link ParentChrist, this is me except I first left home when I was 26, and I got my own place at 35. Other than that, pretty much describing me.Christ, this is me except I first left home when I was 26, and I got my own place at 35. Other than that, pretty much describing me.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (May 2026) in ~health.mental
feigneddork LinkNot too great tbh. I'm feeling quite alone tbh. I asked a woman out at work for a coffee at the end of Jan. She rejected, and I thought that was that. Ever since then the work office has felt like...Not too great tbh. I'm feeling quite alone tbh.
I asked a woman out at work for a coffee at the end of Jan. She rejected, and I thought that was that. Ever since then the work office has felt like an incredibly hostile environment where people seem to ignore me. This has been going on for months now. And at work there was these social events which have completely stopped ever since I asked the colleague out for a coffee.
I absolutely appreciate I've made things awkward and that a workplace romance isn't a good idea (I didn't understand back then but now I 100% get it), and I just feel so alone and isolated. Luckily going into the office isn't mandatory, and the only reason why I've been going is a suggestion by my therapist. Even the online slack at work feels hostile. I haven't even tried to make friends with the woman I asked out because I get she needs her own space, but it's like everyone hates me now.
I don't know. I just feel emotionally bummed out and drained. I'm also pretty sure it's because even though we are both South Asian, I'm Pakistani and she's Indian. At least, it's the only reason why I can even think this negativity has been going on for as long as it has. I'm also aware my brain is frantically trying to piece together anything to try and make sense of it all to come up with a solution. It just feels emotionally exhausting and draining.
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Comment on Which Linux distro do you use, and why? in ~tech
feigneddork Link ParentI barely had any arch Linux experience, but tried CachyOS. Easily the best distro I've ever used. I've pretty much got it installed on all my computers except for one laptop, and that uses Linux...I barely had any arch Linux experience, but tried CachyOS. Easily the best distro I've ever used. I've pretty much got it installed on all my computers except for one laptop, and that uses Linux Mint.
I'm pretty much sticking with CachyOS. For me it's just incredibly robust yet simple to use (all the simplicity of Ubuntu with the speed of Arch Linux and somehow even more stable than both in my experience).
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Comment on Leon S. Kennedy is a car salesman now in ~games
feigneddork LinkI personally don't mind product placement if it Fits the universe in some way It isn't in our face left, right, and centre (like it's part of the game mechanic/gameplay loop) In RE9, it's pretty...I personally don't mind product placement if it
- Fits the universe in some way
- It isn't in our face left, right, and centre (like it's part of the game mechanic/gameplay loop)
In RE9, it's pretty much part of the cutscenes and sort of in the environments. I didn't even realise Leon was driving a Porsche until I completed the game and replayed it. I definitely spotted the fancy watches, but I was like "eh, give me zombies game"
The most egregious use of product placement (for me) came from Death Stranding. Having to drink Monster Energy drinks to refuel his stamina is just...??? Like, this is an apocalyptic world and Monster Energy drinks are still a thing that people actively want to drink?!? And it's pretty much always there in the restroom just waiting for Sam to drink (and not just sipping, just straight up downing the lot). When I saw it, it reminded of the "Please drink a verification can" meme.
A silly watch and a car that isn't integral to gameplay is fine to me. If the car was something the player needed to drive, but drive carefully yet fast, I would be annoyed. If the player had to look at their Hamilton watch to check their life/ammo, I would be annoyed. But none of those things are true.
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Comment on New books aren’t worth reading in ~books
feigneddork Linkgr8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8 But seriously, I've practically given up videogames, Netflix, social media, etc just to read books. I would argue that books have never been better, and videogames, Netflix,...gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8
But seriously, I've practically given up videogames, Netflix, social media, etc just to read books.
I would argue that books have never been better, and videogames, Netflix, social media etc have never been at their worst (at least for me). This is a great time to pick up a book and read.
Hell, you don't even need to read. You can also just listen. If you have goblin brain that means you need to do two things at once (I'm watching Silence of the Lambs while writing this), then you can listen and do something else - I've been listening to audio books while playing solitaire/balatro/slay the spire/anything simple or turn based.
Also, this guy claims "Because everyone alive today has the same perspective" and then prattles off about a perspective that I literally find so boring that I gave up reading. Incredible.
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Comment on I am kinda curious about the demographics of Tildes in ~talk
feigneddork LinkMillennial (mid-range) South Asian male in the UK. I'm in the IT/software development industry. Single, read a lot, game less. Bought my house 2 years ago. No pets (sadly - working on clearing...Millennial (mid-range) South Asian male in the UK. I'm in the IT/software development industry.
Single, read a lot, game less. Bought my house 2 years ago. No pets (sadly - working on clearing down the mortgage to a sensible level). Like to do paint by numbers.
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Comment on Are you still using social media? in ~tech
feigneddork LinkI have the following: Facebook - I would like to say I don't use it, but I honestly kind of do every week or so to check in with the real life book club group I belong to as well as a community...I have the following:
- Facebook - I would like to say I don't use it, but I honestly kind of do every week or so to check in with the real life book club group I belong to as well as a community for my medical disorder. I absolutely hate it though, and I would love to nuke it from orbit.
- Mastodon - I used to actively use it, but now I pretty much lurk on it, and that's even with me having my own Mastodon instance server (for the aforementioned community). It's alright, kind of crap tbh.
- Lemmy - Generally quite boring until some interesting videogame news appears.
- Tildes - I'm much more of a lurker here, but this place is very cool.
- Bluesky - Barely ever use it. I'm keeping it just in case the aforementioned community comes alive, but at this point I don't see much point.
I've turned 37 this year, and one of the things I'm realising is that I really enjoy in person interaction and communication over anything virtual/digital. If someone expresses an opinion in the real world, I know it's genuine and authentic, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. In the digital landscape I have a huge amount of cynicism over any opinion expressed as I've found that opinions expressed digitally - especially those in text format by anonymised users - vary wildly in real life.
That, and quite frankly, I don't need to see a take on everything. I'm quite happy being ignorant on certain cultural topics and touchstone events, especially if the ignorance gives me mental peace and freedom.
tl:dr i'm enjoying a himbo too much to be chronically online
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Comment on Merry Christmas! in ~talk
feigneddork LinkMerry Christmas, Tildes! I don't really celebrate Christmas so I've been chilling out listening to old vinyls and watching a few films. I'm actually currently watching Hurry Up Tomorrow (The...Merry Christmas, Tildes!
I don't really celebrate Christmas so I've been chilling out listening to old vinyls and watching a few films. I'm actually currently watching Hurry Up Tomorrow (The Weeknd film) but it's not the "it's so bad it's good" territory, it's just "it's terrible".
I'm also planning to play some Cyberpunk 2077 later on. That, or just chilling out listening to music.
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Comment on Valve announces new hardware: Steam Frame, Steam Controller, and Steam Machine in ~games
feigneddork LinkI honestly love everything about this Steam Controllers - finally! They're here! I've waited for these steam deck inspired bad-boys for so long! They are pretty much an immediate order from me!...I honestly love everything about this
- Steam Controllers - finally! They're here! I've waited for these steam deck inspired bad-boys for so long! They are pretty much an immediate order from me!
- Steam Machine - I already have a linux gaming laptop and a steam deck, but honestly I may pick this up as it saves me the faff of having to worry about if a game is supported on my PC or not. It is a bit console-isation of the PC space, but honestly? I'm fine with it. Giving developers a target device to aim for isn't a bad thing at all!
- Steam Frame - the one thing I'm not 100% sure on personally, but I'll probably get it as it's an open PC so I can fuck around with the Linux OS on it, which is cool.
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Comment on Grand Theft Auto made him a legend. His latest game was a disaster. in ~games
feigneddork Link ParentI don't think he was the crunch guy, I think it was a whole lot of people, and from what I read from Retro Gamer magazine recently (UK one - the front cover is about Total War), it seems to be...I don't think he was the crunch guy, I think it was a whole lot of people, and from what I read from Retro Gamer magazine recently (UK one - the front cover is about Total War), it seems to be stemmed from right at the top with Sam Houser and his NY office really leaning into the grind culture (as is the NY mentality)
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Comment on iOS 26 is here in ~tech
feigneddork (edited )LinkAs an Android user, I hope auto call screening on iOS truly takes off so that all these Android copycats clone that feature. It's stupid that it's so far restricted to Pixel and Galaxy phones....As an Android user, I hope auto call screening on iOS truly takes off so that all these Android copycats clone that feature.
It's stupid that it's so far restricted to Pixel and Galaxy phones. It's a genuinely useful feature.
EDIT: I've got Tahoe on my Mac, and yeah I 100% get the complaints against the new UI. It's so ridiculously ugly, and having UI text elements over a list just to show "yes, we have elements on top of other elements" is such a stupid collossal step backwards, I do wonder what the team at Apple was smoking.
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Comment on Valve's secretive 'Fremont' gaming device surfaces in benchmarks in ~games
feigneddork Link ParentI've personally tried it, and I find it to be a bit of a jank fest. But then again, I'm using Linux as the host and the guest, so I do wonder if there are issues around that.I've personally tried it, and I find it to be a bit of a jank fest. But then again, I'm using Linux as the host and the guest, so I do wonder if there are issues around that.
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Comment on Valve's secretive 'Fremont' gaming device surfaces in benchmarks in ~games
feigneddork Link ParentI hope that whatever this new device is, it does well enough to warrant looking into bringing a similar powered chip into the steam deck successor.I hope that whatever this new device is, it does well enough to warrant looking into bringing a similar powered chip into the steam deck successor.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
feigneddork LinkI completed Mafia: The Old Country. I really enjoyed it. It didn't overstay its welcome, and I was engaged throughout which is quite hard for a guy in his mid thirties who hasn't got a lot of...I completed Mafia: The Old Country. I really enjoyed it. It didn't overstay its welcome, and I was engaged throughout which is quite hard for a guy in his mid thirties who hasn't got a lot of stuff going on but wants to do anything except be stuck at home. Good job, Hangar 13!
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
feigneddork LinkI have played some Mafia: The Old Country. Before I start with Old Country, let me recap what I thought of previous Mafia games I've played: Mafia 2: Absolute amazeballs. Excellent story, great...I have played some Mafia: The Old Country.
Before I start with Old Country, let me recap what I thought of previous Mafia games I've played:
Mafia 2: Absolute amazeballs. Excellent story, great gameplay.
Mafia 3: The story seemed interesting, but I got really bored of the repetitive gameplay before managing to make serious progress with the story
Mafia 1 remake: The story was alright. The gameplay was okay - guns still felt a bit spongey from M3 gameplaySo onto The Old Country.
The story is pretty much cookie-clutter Mafia 1 storyline. You can break out your bingo cards as you'll be able to fill out some squares with this game. Still though, the story seems to be quite entertaining.
The presentation is excellent as always, and I would go as far to say this is the best Mafia in terms of presentation. There is that cinematic slickness that feels very GTA, but it is clear the game is pretty linear.
Speaking of gameplay, this is the best gunplay and melee I've ever experienced in a Mafia game, hands down. The gun doesn't feel sponge-y, but has a real kick to the weapons (it has that TLOU2 gun sway, but I feel like here it adds tension to the gunplay rather than feel annoying). The knife, though? chef kiss Whoever thought of having a 1v1 knife fight with slash, stab, dodge, and parry was a genius, and the way it is done in The Old Country feels exciting and fresh. I think at some point I'll get bored of parry mechanics, but as of yet, it always feels fresh and unique to every game, so I'm a fan of them.
Oh, and I can't not talk about the price. Death Stranding 2 is selling on the PS5 store for £70 - £80 if you get the Digital Deluxe version. Mafia The Old Country is selling for £45. I genuinely thought that the game would feel cut-back, but apart from traffic density (this game has no vehicle traffic whatsoever) and the stealth missions being insultingly easy (just wait for the NPCs to finish talking, and then to leave their backs facing to you so you can go and choke them out. Every time) the game feels incredibly polished and well done - it seems like the team knew their limits and just stuck to their guns, which is absolutely incredible and I'm super happy for them!
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Comment on European VPN recommendations in ~tech
feigneddork (edited )Link Parent@caliper’s suggestions mirror mine 1:1, and @3WolfMoon’s reasoning is pretty much the reason why I’ve moved away from Proton. I’m less bothered by the aggressive sales tactics, but much more...@caliper’s suggestions mirror mine 1:1, and @3WolfMoon’s reasoning is pretty much the reason why I’ve moved away from Proton.
I’m
periodicallyless bothered by the aggressive sales tactics, but much more concerned about sucking up to Donald Trump.Edit: not sure how periodically got in there. I blame autocorrect on mobile.
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
feigneddork Link ParentI'll definitely check it out!I'll definitely check it out!
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Comment on What are you reading these days? in ~books
feigneddork Link ParentThe last sentence alone has sold me on Beach Read!The last sentence alone has sold me on Beach Read!
And thank you for sharing yours! Even though our lives were slightly different in some ways, I can only relate all too well to your experiences. Especially the part about parents being happy to hear you're moving out - mine were the same too! And yes, it definitely wasn't easy but at the same time I had so many conflicting parts in my life that it didn't really feel like there was a better option. That, and it took me moving out of that environment and being in literal solitude when I was able to piece the bits together and make a real conclusion. I am grateful for a rent free accommodation, I'm not so grateful for the baggage that came with it.
I couldn't help but chuckle at how accurate your statement was! The only thing that I didn't experience was an overbearing grandmother, but I still agree nontheless. And when you said "overbearing mothers" it was like a bullseye hit in my brain - like "oh, so that's what that is!"
I will also say that my sisters didn't get away scot-free with the overbearing men in the family. My eldest sister went to university and was caught in another man's accomodation with her cleavage showing, and my dad went ballistic to say the least (we are a non-white family, anyone who comes from an ethnic minority background will know all too well the stories of fathers and brothers acting up when their sisters are seen with *gasp* A MAN!!. My other sister was sexually assaulted in university, and while my brother helped out then, he became incredibly overbearing to the point where he was furious that my sister's then-boyfriend-now-husband had the audacity to live in the same house as my sister, saying to my mum in an angry tone "you know what they are doing, right?" - like, buddy, they ain't playing fuckin' Pokemon in that house, that's for sure!
As I've got older, I've realised the whole overbearing attitudes that resides in our families comes from a deep insecurity - some failure to protect or a family member wants to keep things the same (my mum absolutely hated me having a beard and would frequently complain and over-compliment when I shaved it, even if I hated having a clean-shaven face) for some deeply insecure or trauma related reason (I know you mentioned your Dad wasn't great to your mum, and it's the same story here! Not quite direct fighting, but a lot of mental games). But at the end of the day, that's really not my problem to solve - it's up to said family members to get their shit together, right? Luckily you've done the work on yourself, and same with me - a mix of introspection and therapy to help unspool that yarn of mental pain with a bit of help from a professional. And everyone goes through it - everyone is hurt and everyone hurts others, but we have to do the work ourselves to rectify it.
Like you, my parents are in their 70s and will probably need care at some point (and like you, I'm not looking forward to it). However, I'm working on myself to try and lean into some forgiveness. The pain never really goes away, but I do want to remember the good parts of my parents (and my family, by extension). There is a lot of mess in my family, but there are lots of moments of sunshine. I would be doing myself a massive disservice if I focused solely on my family's issues and negativity. I've had a great life, and those positive aspects are in a big way a big help by my family - and yes, my mum too.
I do hope you are doing well. You seem to have your life on track, and I hope you manage to heal from all the trauma from overbearing and difficult parents, and I hope you find some peace along the way. I don't believe anyone is perfect, and I do believe there are shards of goodness from all of us. Like I said, I'm working on finding my own shards as well.