Foreigner's recent activity
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Comment on Victories and challenges: An A[u]DHD community and support fortnightly thread #5 in ~health.mental
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Comment on Victories and challenges: An A[u]DHD community and support fortnightly thread #5 in ~health.mental
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Comment on Victories and challenges: An A[u]DHD community and support fortnightly thread #5 in ~health.mental
Foreigner LinkThis is not about myself but about my daughter. It's pretty much confirmed she has ADHD (three different professionals have said so), we just need to get an formal diagnosis from a...This is not about myself but about my daughter. It's pretty much confirmed she has ADHD (three different professionals have said so), we just need to get an formal diagnosis from a neuropsychiatrist.
There are many ways I've seen ADHD impact her, and she's young enough that it's not yet a big deal, but she's heading into puberty and there are some aspects I'm concerned about and want to think through how I can best help her:
- My wife was pretty anti-meds but she's increasingly recognising that ADHD can be pretty debilitating and is thinking we should consider it. I have a love hate relationship with meds and don't take them myself. I know personally how much side effects can suck, and over time tolerance can build up until the meds aren't as effective anymore. How soon is too soon to start? I personally want to focus first on better structuring things at home and school to support her, but I have to recognise that at some point it might not be enough. When do we know that time has come?
- One lesser discussed aspect of ADHD, especially with girls, is victimisation. My daughter has a friend who I find has a very unhealthy hot and cold approach to "friendships". She is incredibly possessive and controlling, and when my daughter doesn't do what she says she will give her the cold shoulder and insult her (she has told her she is stupid and slow apparently). We've only started piecing these things together recently and it is taking all my willpower not to strangle the little shit. Unfortunately this is not an unfamiliar situation for a lot of girls with ADHD, but I'd like to help my daughter not fall into the victimisation trap. Has anyone else gone through something similar?
- She has a fair amount of rejection sensitive dysphoria and some big mood swings. I'm chalking some of this up to puberty, but I'm worried the older she gets the worse it might become especially with ADHD. How can we help her navigate through this?
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Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health
Foreigner LinkI had to pause weightlifting for a month and was worried I'd lost a lot of strength in that time. I'm taking a testosterone blocker so losing muscle mass is also a real concern. I was hemming and...I had to pause weightlifting for a month and was worried I'd lost a lot of strength in that time. I'm taking a testosterone blocker so losing muscle mass is also a real concern. I was hemming and hawing about going back to the gym, thinking up excuses to give myself, trying to push the start date to later. I felt building back up to where I was before was going to be really hard and painful, and frankly reducing the weights felt a bit demotivating. Then I read the comment @Akir on learning to love oneself and was reminded why I started lifting to begin with - I want to take care of myself, especially as I'm heading into my 40s.
So I dragged myself to the gym today and got back in the saddle. Surprisingly I didn't lose as much strength as I thought I would. My joints are definitely creaky but I'm mostly able to pick back up from where I left off, or should be able to in a week or two for certain exercises. I'm glad I went in the
I started a few months ago and have been taking it slowly, increasing the weights very gradually. I am also still using dumbells and would like to move on to barbell exercises. I am not strong enough to competently lift the olympic bar yet but thankfully there's a lighter one at the gym. My next step will be to get a coach to help the transition to the barbell, I want to make sure my form is correct to avoid injury especially as I have some joint hypermobility. Would love to know if anyone else deals with hypermobility and what you've done to avoid injury!
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Comment on Advice on 6 year old's trantrums (update) in ~life
Foreigner Link ParentThis is a very good point. There is a lot of overlap between how ADHD and Autism can manifest. More and more people are also being diagnosed with both (AuDHD). I think this article gives a good...Also that ADHD and Autism are being tied together more closely as more research into the two comes out. In fact, similar to how Asperger's is no longer a diagnosis, I expect that within 10 years we'll see the same thing happen with ADHD. Well if we don't go back to the stone age in medical research.
This is a very good point. There is a lot of overlap between how ADHD and Autism can manifest. More and more people are also being diagnosed with both (AuDHD). I think this article gives a good overview of the "differences" but also points out research that shows some neurobiological overlap between the two conditions.
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Comment on Zootopia 2 | Trailer in ~movies
Foreigner Link ParentI have beef with the Oscars for snubbing so many amazing animation movies over Disney/Pixar movies.I have beef with the Oscars for snubbing so many amazing animation movies over Disney/Pixar movies.
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Comment on Zootopia 2 | Trailer in ~movies
Foreigner Link ParentWhat are the chances a good chunk of those people were furries? Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all dumping on furries, I just suspect there is a venn diagram somewhere in there with quite the overlap.never went goo goo ga ga for it like many online people did.
What are the chances a good chunk of those people were furries? Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all dumping on furries, I just suspect there is a venn diagram somewhere in there with quite the overlap.
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Comment on Advice on 6 year old's trantrums (update) in ~life
Foreigner LinkI remember your original post, I'm glad to hear things are getting better. It sounds like you're getting the right support for your son as well which is great. I hope you're able to find the...I remember your original post, I'm glad to hear things are getting better. It sounds like you're getting the right support for your son as well which is great. I hope you're able to find the answers you and your family need, and that the situation continues to improve!
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Comment on How do you practice self love? in ~health.mental
Foreigner LinkI don't have a great solution and there have been many good suggestions above. Just something that jumped at me and please forgive me if I'm being presumptuous, but would you happen to have ADHD?...I don't have a great solution and there have been many good suggestions above. Just something that jumped at me and please forgive me if I'm being presumptuous, but would you happen to have ADHD? What you've written above sounds a little like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. If the description on that link resonates with you it might be worth looking into.
My personal experience with overcoming this (still a work in progress) involved:
- Working towards becoming really comfortable with being in my own company. It involved going public places on my own (restaurants, movies, etc), going on roadtrips alone, and exploring personal hobbies.
- The next point (and this took some therapy specifically CBT), learning to care less about what others think. Growing older has helped,
- This one is going to be less relevant to you and came later in my life, but having kids is a great ego-check. I get roasted on the daily by my kids and it is hilarious. That might feel like it's antithetical to learning to love oneself, but in a way it's helped me see that things I used to be worried or self-conscious about aren't that big a deal and I can laugh at them It also shows that people who love me see these flaws but it doesn't stop them loving me. Who am I to tell them they're wrong for loving me warts and all?
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Comment on What stranger made a big difference in your life? in ~life
Foreigner LinkNot a single person but a bunch of people. On the last day heading back from a 3 week camper van trip, we were going through Germany when one of the tyres pretty much blew up. We were in the...Not a single person but a bunch of people. On the last day heading back from a 3 week camper van trip, we were going through Germany when one of the tyres pretty much blew up. We were in the middle of nowhere, clearly in an industrial area with many huge trucks passing by. Unfortunately the camper was stopped in a pretty inconvenient spot partly blocking trucks from making a turn (they were huge and there were many).
We were able to call for assistance but it was going to take several hours. While we waited, a lot of people stopped to check if we were ok. Most notably:
- Four men who helped push the camper forward. They did their best but couldn't move it much because of the weight and the state of the wheel.
- A man who worked at the nearby recycling plant who called over his colleagues to come help move us further. They showed up with huge tractors and were able to get it to a safer spot.
- Someone who knew a nearby workshop with the exact wheel we needed, and arranged for them to come change it by the side of the road (we were very grateful but declined before he was able to go through with the request. It wasn't our camper and we wanted to follow procedure)
- The guy who eventually came to tow the camper, who called multiple shops to find a replacement tyre (very challenging) and arranged for the repairs. If he hadn't done that we might have been stuck for another 3 or 4 days there.
We don't speak German at all, and none of the people who stopped spoke English, so we relied a lot on google translate. They were all very eager to help despite the language barrier. It was reassuring that even in the middle of nowhere, a bunch of people who owed us nothing were willing to go out of their way to help. It was a reminder to myself and a lesson for my kids that people are generally kind and want to help when they can.
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Comment on Women's pockets are inferior in ~life.women
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Comment on Women's pockets are inferior in ~life.women
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Comment on Women's pockets are inferior in ~life.women
Foreigner Link ParentIf you're looking for more skirts with pockets and you're in the US I can recommend Maya Kern or Morning Witch. They have some nice patterns and all the skirts have pockets which can fit in quite...If you're looking for more skirts with pockets and you're in the US I can recommend Maya Kern or Morning Witch. They have some nice patterns and all the skirts have pockets which can fit in quite a lot. There was even a meme thread on Tumblr about what people could fit in the Maya Kern skirt pockets - someone fit a bunch of rats in one. The skirts have a stretchy elastic band but hold very well even with something moderately heavy in the pockets.
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Comment on US Congress passes Donald Trump's 'big, beautiful bill' cutting taxes and spending in ~society
Foreigner Link ParentAh I didn't know that, makes sense though.Ah I didn't know that, makes sense though.
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Comment on US Congress passes Donald Trump's 'big, beautiful bill' cutting taxes and spending in ~society
Foreigner Link ParentOh that is odd. Not sure what's going on there, Deimos would know best but I hesitate to @ him because he's super busy. Maybe send him a DM?Oh that is odd. Not sure what's going on there, Deimos would know best but I hesitate to @ him because he's super busy. Maybe send him a DM?
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Comment on US Congress passes Donald Trump's 'big, beautiful bill' cutting taxes and spending in ~society
Foreigner Link ParentI gave an exemplary on your behalf. You can only give one every 8 hours, so if this is your second in that time it wouldn't work.I gave an exemplary on your behalf. You can only give one every 8 hours, so if this is your second in that time it wouldn't work.
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Comment on How can I find some Brazilian mailing lists I was a part of in mid-1990s? in ~tech
Foreigner Link ParentAre you closer to finding what you're looking for? I'm invested now :DAre you closer to finding what you're looking for? I'm invested now :D
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Comment on Advice on 6 year old's trantrums? in ~life
Foreigner LinkOof that's rough, I'm sorry you're dealing with a tough time. My daughter went through a period around that age where she would scream bloody murder, hit/bite, and cry a lot. There were a lot of...Oof that's rough, I'm sorry you're dealing with a tough time. My daughter went through a period around that age where she would scream bloody murder, hit/bite, and cry a lot. There were a lot of factors involved but chief among them I believe was ADHD, which I suspected but got diagnosed only recently. Her trigger was being told off, even in the gentlest of ways, and I believe she has rejection sensitive dysphoria. She still has a hot temper, but has gotten much better, especially as she's able to articulate her feelings (after calming down).
How did you react when his sister went through the same thing?
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Comment on European Union lawmakers approve new air travel rights to small luggage without fees - further approval from majority of countries is needed in ~travel
Foreigner Link ParentI'd be interested to see how much of a difference this would make. From experience, the majority of airlines will try to sit parents and children together, even Easyjet. This would only make a...The article states that this'll also remove fees for children sitting with their parents*. So it looks like what this will do is shift some of the cost from families onto everyone's ticket costs.
I'd be interested to see how much of a difference this would make. From experience, the majority of airlines will try to sit parents and children together, even Easyjet. This would only make a difference on airlines you specifically need to pay to pick any seat, like Ryanair. The vast majority of parents aren't going to leave their kid/s on a flight with complete strangers, and will pay by default (and who wants to watch someone else's young child on a flight?). Making parents pay feels exploitative, so it's good if this change comes into effect.
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Comment on How can I find some Brazilian mailing lists I was a part of in mid-1990s? in ~tech
Foreigner Link ParentI hope you find what you're looking for! Boa sorte ;)I hope you find what you're looking for! Boa sorte ;)
Thanks for sharing this, there's a lot of interesting stuff in the second link. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 20s and am familiar with Russel Barkley's work. I know from experience the meds work very well and I'm not overly concerned about their safety. My main concerns are around their long term efficacy and side effects, and there isn't much information available especially on the former.
I personally stopped meds because of both of those issues - I had to take higher and higher doses or take breaks in-between, and the severe nausea, weight loss and lack of sleep were becoming a huge impediment (bordering on dangerous). I unfortunately live in a country where your only choices of stimulants are ritalin or concerta and have issues with both, so I'm shit out of luck. The side effects were too much to deal with as an adult, I don't want to put her through the same thing too soon in life if we can avoid it.
Regarding efficacy - if we start meds early (she's 9), what's to say they'll still be helpful when she's in high school? How do we balance getting the timing right and not leaving it too late until she's really struggling.