kollkana's recent activity
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Comment on What is one of the coolest museums you've visited? in ~travel
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Comment on This is the most balanced take on the parenting discourse that I have ever heard in ~life
kollkana Link ParentI had a baby earlier this year and it's so fucking weird. I was expecting some of it, like having a new sensitivity to stories involving parents and children, but I genuinely went from not finding...I had a baby earlier this year and it's so fucking weird. I was expecting some of it, like having a new sensitivity to stories involving parents and children, but I genuinely went from not finding babies cute, like at all, to finding them adorable - but only if they're my baby's age or younger.
The freakiest thing, though, is that in the first couple of weeks when I woke in the night to feed baby I'd see nursing-baby-face pareidolia everywhere around the room. Like my brain would not let me forget why I was awake at stupid o'clock in the morning or something. Really glad that stopped after a while.
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Comment on I really need advice and help in ~health.mental
kollkana LinkIt sounds like you are overwhelmed by multiple different crises that it may help to try and compartmentalise and tackle one at a time. The ex and whether he poses a danger - I'm afraid I have no...It sounds like you are overwhelmed by multiple different crises that it may help to try and compartmentalise and tackle one at a time.
- The ex and whether he poses a danger - I'm afraid I have no advice here, it's not a situation I've experienced and is far too serious to make an educated guess at.
- Mental health struggle - while they're not equipped for someone in suicidal crisis, I was recently pointed to Overcome, a charity that offers free videocall "coaching" sessions for mental health care, available worldwide as long as you speak English. If you can get past this point of acute crisis they could be a viable next step for support. I know when I've struggled in the past having a next step has helped, apologies if that's not the case for you.
- Social isolation - you don't have friends anymore, but do you have contact info to reach out to anyone you were friends with previously? If they're already not in contact, there's literally nothing to lose by sending them a version of this topic and seeing who may still care. And it's the height of hypocrisy coming from me, but it's worth continuing to try to connect with local parents when you have the energy.
- Parenting - if the father is a safe option for your kid, bother him and see what he can offer. Especially if he has family and/or friends that can support him. His struggles can't be any worse than your own, and they certainly don't have to mean more to you than your own.
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Comment on What are some examples of media that really captured lightning in a bottle? in ~tv
kollkana Link ParentThe Cambridge Footlights have produced a lot of comedians, both before and after Monty Python, it's kind of a given that any well-spoken English comedian probably went to Cambridge (a.k.a. one of...The Cambridge Footlights have produced a lot of comedians, both before and after Monty Python, it's kind of a given that any well-spoken English comedian probably went to Cambridge (a.k.a. one of the two most prestigious universities in the country).
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Comment on The Tiny Soapbox: a platform for small, low-stakes rants in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentAdding clothes doesn't necessarily lead to being comfortable. E.g. I'm currently wearing socks and slippers over still-cold feet, and my nose is running because I don't have a balaclava to wear....You can always add clothes, I can only take so many off!
Adding clothes doesn't necessarily lead to being comfortable. E.g. I'm currently wearing socks and slippers over still-cold feet, and my nose is running because I don't have a balaclava to wear. Being too cold all day physically hurts thanks to muscle tension, too.
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Comment on The Tiny Soapbox: a platform for small, low-stakes rants in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentI've definitely read about people using a pair of lit candles instead of a sensor bar, apparently there are multiple options.I've definitely read about people using a pair of lit candles instead of a sensor bar, apparently there are multiple options.
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Comment on The Tiny Soapbox: a platform for small, low-stakes rants in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentValentine's day is an arbitrary date, but Christmas is where it is to be close to the shortest day of daylight (in the northern hemisphere). It's there to make us happier in the darkness rather...Valentine's day is an arbitrary date, but Christmas is where it is to be close to the shortest day of daylight (in the northern hemisphere). It's there to make us happier in the darkness rather than the cold.
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Comment on Is University Of The Third Age safe? in ~life
kollkana LinkThe name has real cult vibes, but here in the UK it's basically just a series of social clubs for retirees, as I understand it. So as safe as the local members. My dad does sailing and backgammon...The name has real cult vibes, but here in the UK it's basically just a series of social clubs for retirees, as I understand it. So as safe as the local members. My dad does sailing and backgammon through it, my mum is learning French, they're both learning to play bridge with differing levels of success.
The wikipedia page suggests that the name is used in a number of countries for slightly different setups, but none of them sound nefarious.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2025) in ~health.mental
kollkana (edited )LinkI mentioned the postpartum depression last month, and I continue to be signposted away from every supposed resource I contact. It's now been four weeks since I self-referred to the NHS therapy...I mentioned the postpartum depression last month, and I continue to be signposted away from every supposed resource I contact. It's now been four weeks since I self-referred to the NHS therapy service, so just another two until the initial assessment appointment. In the meantime I've spoken with my local autism charity, my GP, my GP's mental health practitioner, and the health visiting team.
Autism charity and GP MHP both suggested another charity, GP MHP also linked me to several charities that do low-cost or lower-than-private-cost counselling. One health visitor said she'd refer me to the perinatal mental health team, another said I couldn't with an open NHS therapy self-referral. GP gave me a prescription at least to help me sleep, though when I tried to renew it to collect as I ran out the surgery cancelled the request because they assumed that "1 or 2 per day or as needed" definitely meant "less than 1 per day" when I actually need 2 per day.
Baby is at least starting to sleep better, but is also requiring more from me both physically and emotionally and I just can't keep up. And that's with huge amounts of help from my partner, which just makes me feel even more guilty as he burns himself out trying to manage everything I can't.
Edit: I forgot to add, in light of all this buck-passing, I bought myself a DBT self-help book that someone in the AskAManager commentariat recently said helped them. I've never tried DBT, so it's worth a shot.
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Comment on ‘Legend of Zelda’ film sets March 2027 theatrical release from Sony Pictures in ~movies
kollkana Link ParentBreath of the Wild can be speedrun in less than 30 minutes, that leaves two hours for exposition and characterisation! Some of the speedrun hacks would be very funny in a movie that didn't take...Breath of the Wild can be speedrun in less than 30 minutes, that leaves two hours for exposition and characterisation!
Some of the speedrun hacks would be very funny in a movie that didn't take itself too seriously.
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Comment on Don't trust Firefox to backup your session in ~tech
kollkana Link ParentI disagree, the name "session" itself implies an ephemeral thing - in any other context a session is a discrete, time-limited event. Why would one expect a session to last forever?I disagree, the name "session" itself implies an ephemeral thing - in any other context a session is a discrete, time-limited event. Why would one expect a session to last forever?
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Comment on Are you tech-savvy enough? in ~tech
kollkana Link ParentProton actually allows me to play a couple of my Steam games that always crashed upon loading on the various Windows machines I had most recently, so to me it's a step up!Proton actually allows me to play a couple of my Steam games that always crashed upon loading on the various Windows machines I had most recently, so to me it's a step up!
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Comment on When is pet insurance worth it? in ~life.pets
kollkana LinkDepends on the plan. My dog has been insured since we got him at 11 months old, a plan that would pay up to £6,000 per year, with limits on certain conditions. It started out very cheap (~£120/yr)...Depends on the plan. My dog has been insured since we got him at 11 months old, a plan that would pay up to £6,000 per year, with limits on certain conditions. It started out very cheap (~£120/yr) but now that he's getting older it's getting a lot more expensive (latest renewal nearly £700).
A few years ago he needed surgery on both knees that blew past that £6,000 cap, and every year he needs a dental surgery that loses him more teeth and I get a few hundred back. We've still received far more than we've paid them, and because it's the same policy nothing is excluded as a pre-existing condition like it would be if we switched provider, so we're kind of locked in now. That latest renewal figure has me wondering when it will no longer be worth the payments, though. He could potentially live another 8 years, and the rate of increase has been exponential the last three years.
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Comment on What keeps you up at night? in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentI'm fairly certain it's anxiety, two ECGs (years apart) have been normal. But SSRIs, SNRIs, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Psychoanalytic Therapy have all been ineffective. I'll look into the...I'm fairly certain it's anxiety, two ECGs (years apart) have been normal. But SSRIs, SNRIs, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Psychoanalytic Therapy have all been ineffective.
I'll look into the book, thanks!
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Comment on What keeps you up at night? in ~talk
kollkana LinkI wish I knew. The only way I can get decent sleep is to take a beta-blocker because my heart just won't slow down, but it's not like I'm laying there worrying about things, so all attempts at...I wish I knew. The only way I can get decent sleep is to take a beta-blocker because my heart just won't slow down, but it's not like I'm laying there worrying about things, so all attempts at therapy to address the root cause have been useless.
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Comment on EU paves the way for iPhones and Android devices to ditch USB-C entirely in ~tech
kollkana Link ParentSounds like the real fault lies with the manufacturers of garbage SD cards, not consumers.Sounds like the real fault lies with the manufacturers of garbage SD cards, not consumers.
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Comment on eBay privacy policy update and AI opt-out in ~tech
kollkana LinkThank you for highlighting this. I had a poke around and it seems the page is linked from account settings in the desktop version of the site, but that link doesn't exist at all in the mobile...Thank you for highlighting this.
I had a poke around and it seems the page is linked from account settings in the desktop version of the site, but that link doesn't exist at all in the mobile version (as a UK user). I don't have the app to check there.
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Comment on How do you feel about your PTO? in ~life
kollkana Link ParentIt's more likely about reducing financial liabilities. Unused PTO is a liability on the books, in the places unlimited PTO is popular it tends to need to be paid to the employee when they leave...It's more likely about reducing financial liabilities. Unused PTO is a liability on the books, in the places unlimited PTO is popular it tends to need to be paid to the employee when they leave the company. Scrapping defined PTO and making it "unlimited" removes the financial obligation entirely, that people tend to take less leave is a fringe benefit.
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Comment on How do you feel about your PTO? in ~life
kollkana LinkUK, full time employee, I get 33 days leave plus bank holidays (so 41 days compared to the legal minimum of 28). New starters get 28 plus bank holidays (i.e. 36) and one extra day per year with...UK, full time employee, I get 33 days leave plus bank holidays (so 41 days compared to the legal minimum of 28). New starters get 28 plus bank holidays (i.e. 36) and one extra day per year with the company until you hit the 33 day cap. That doesn't include sick leave, which does have a limit to being paid at full salary but I have no idea when that limit is. An average amount of illness doesn't come close in any case.
It often feels a little excessive, especially given how we can flex our schedules to take time off in lieu (of overtime) at the discretion of our individual managers on top. And we can only roll over 5 days, so I'm often working short weeks come December just to use it up without leaving myself a huge pile of work to come back to.
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Comment on Sleeping on the floor in ~life.home_improvement
kollkana LinkI'm a soft-mattress-lover because I can only sleep on my side or my stomach, preferably stomach. Too firm a mattress creates so many painful pressure points that it feels like I've fallen down the...I'm a soft-mattress-lover because I can only sleep on my side or my stomach, preferably stomach. Too firm a mattress creates so many painful pressure points that it feels like I've fallen down the stairs when I wake up.
I came here to mention the English version. Bletchley Park is rightly famous and very cool in itself, but the National Museum of Computing was much more fun.