kollkana's recent activity
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2025) in ~health.mental
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (April 2025) in ~health.mental
kollkana (edited )LinkI mentioned the postpartum depression last month, and I continue to be signposted away from every supposed resource I contact. It's now been four weeks since I self-referred to the NHS therapy...I mentioned the postpartum depression last month, and I continue to be signposted away from every supposed resource I contact. It's now been four weeks since I self-referred to the NHS therapy service, so just another two until the initial assessment appointment. In the meantime I've spoken with my local autism charity, my GP, my GP's mental health practitioner, and the health visiting team.
Autism charity and GP MHP both suggested another charity, GP MHP also linked me to several charities that do low-cost or lower-than-private-cost counselling. One health visitor said she'd refer me to the perinatal mental health team, another said I couldn't with an open NHS therapy self-referral. GP gave me a prescription at least to help me sleep, though when I tried to renew it to collect as I ran out the surgery cancelled the request because they assumed that "1 or 2 per day or as needed" definitely meant "less than 1 per day" when I actually need 2 per day.
Baby is at least starting to sleep better, but is also requiring more from me both physically and emotionally and I just can't keep up. And that's with huge amounts of help from my partner, which just makes me feel even more guilty as he burns himself out trying to manage everything I can't.
Edit: I forgot to add, in light of all this buck-passing, I bought myself a DBT self-help book that someone in the AskAManager commentariat recently said helped them. I've never tried DBT, so it's worth a shot.
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Comment on ‘Legend of Zelda’ film sets March 2027 theatrical release from Sony Pictures in ~movies
kollkana Link ParentBreath of the Wild can be speedrun in less than 30 minutes, that leaves two hours for exposition and characterisation! Some of the speedrun hacks would be very funny in a movie that didn't take...Breath of the Wild can be speedrun in less than 30 minutes, that leaves two hours for exposition and characterisation!
Some of the speedrun hacks would be very funny in a movie that didn't take itself too seriously.
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Comment on Don't trust Firefox to backup your session in ~tech
kollkana Link ParentI disagree, the name "session" itself implies an ephemeral thing - in any other context a session is a discrete, time-limited event. Why would one expect a session to last forever?I disagree, the name "session" itself implies an ephemeral thing - in any other context a session is a discrete, time-limited event. Why would one expect a session to last forever?
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Comment on Are you tech-savvy enough? in ~tech
kollkana Link ParentProton actually allows me to play a couple of my Steam games that always crashed upon loading on the various Windows machines I had most recently, so to me it's a step up!Proton actually allows me to play a couple of my Steam games that always crashed upon loading on the various Windows machines I had most recently, so to me it's a step up!
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Comment on When is pet insurance worth it? in ~life.pets
kollkana LinkDepends on the plan. My dog has been insured since we got him at 11 months old, a plan that would pay up to £6,000 per year, with limits on certain conditions. It started out very cheap (~£120/yr)...Depends on the plan. My dog has been insured since we got him at 11 months old, a plan that would pay up to £6,000 per year, with limits on certain conditions. It started out very cheap (~£120/yr) but now that he's getting older it's getting a lot more expensive (latest renewal nearly £700).
A few years ago he needed surgery on both knees that blew past that £6,000 cap, and every year he needs a dental surgery that loses him more teeth and I get a few hundred back. We've still received far more than we've paid them, and because it's the same policy nothing is excluded as a pre-existing condition like it would be if we switched provider, so we're kind of locked in now. That latest renewal figure has me wondering when it will no longer be worth the payments, though. He could potentially live another 8 years, and the rate of increase has been exponential the last three years.
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Comment on What keeps you up at night? in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentI'm fairly certain it's anxiety, two ECGs (years apart) have been normal. But SSRIs, SNRIs, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Psychoanalytic Therapy have all been ineffective. I'll look into the...I'm fairly certain it's anxiety, two ECGs (years apart) have been normal. But SSRIs, SNRIs, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Psychoanalytic Therapy have all been ineffective.
I'll look into the book, thanks!
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Comment on What keeps you up at night? in ~talk
kollkana LinkI wish I knew. The only way I can get decent sleep is to take a beta-blocker because my heart just won't slow down, but it's not like I'm laying there worrying about things, so all attempts at...I wish I knew. The only way I can get decent sleep is to take a beta-blocker because my heart just won't slow down, but it's not like I'm laying there worrying about things, so all attempts at therapy to address the root cause have been useless.
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Comment on EU paves the way for iPhones and Android devices to ditch USB-C entirely in ~tech
kollkana Link ParentSounds like the real fault lies with the manufacturers of garbage SD cards, not consumers.Sounds like the real fault lies with the manufacturers of garbage SD cards, not consumers.
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Comment on eBay privacy policy update and AI opt-out in ~tech
kollkana LinkThank you for highlighting this. I had a poke around and it seems the page is linked from account settings in the desktop version of the site, but that link doesn't exist at all in the mobile...Thank you for highlighting this.
I had a poke around and it seems the page is linked from account settings in the desktop version of the site, but that link doesn't exist at all in the mobile version (as a UK user). I don't have the app to check there.
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Comment on How do you feel about your PTO? in ~life
kollkana Link ParentIt's more likely about reducing financial liabilities. Unused PTO is a liability on the books, in the places unlimited PTO is popular it tends to need to be paid to the employee when they leave...It's more likely about reducing financial liabilities. Unused PTO is a liability on the books, in the places unlimited PTO is popular it tends to need to be paid to the employee when they leave the company. Scrapping defined PTO and making it "unlimited" removes the financial obligation entirely, that people tend to take less leave is a fringe benefit.
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Comment on How do you feel about your PTO? in ~life
kollkana LinkUK, full time employee, I get 33 days leave plus bank holidays (so 41 days compared to the legal minimum of 28). New starters get 28 plus bank holidays (i.e. 36) and one extra day per year with...UK, full time employee, I get 33 days leave plus bank holidays (so 41 days compared to the legal minimum of 28). New starters get 28 plus bank holidays (i.e. 36) and one extra day per year with the company until you hit the 33 day cap. That doesn't include sick leave, which does have a limit to being paid at full salary but I have no idea when that limit is. An average amount of illness doesn't come close in any case.
It often feels a little excessive, especially given how we can flex our schedules to take time off in lieu (of overtime) at the discretion of our individual managers on top. And we can only roll over 5 days, so I'm often working short weeks come December just to use it up without leaving myself a huge pile of work to come back to.
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Comment on Sleeping on the floor in ~life.home_improvement
kollkana LinkI'm a soft-mattress-lover because I can only sleep on my side or my stomach, preferably stomach. Too firm a mattress creates so many painful pressure points that it feels like I've fallen down the...I'm a soft-mattress-lover because I can only sleep on my side or my stomach, preferably stomach. Too firm a mattress creates so many painful pressure points that it feels like I've fallen down the stairs when I wake up.
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Comment on Inheriting is becoming nearly as important as working in ~finance
kollkana Link ParentWhat is the impact you're referring to here?What is the impact you're referring to here?
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Comment on Texas officials report that an unvaccinated child has died of measles in ~health
kollkana Link ParentThe kind of autism you're picturing and the kind of autism they're picturing are probably incredibly different. It's a particularly unhelpful diagnosis when it can range from "someone who is...The kind of autism you're picturing and the kind of autism they're picturing are probably incredibly different. It's a particularly unhelpful diagnosis when it can range from "someone who is living a normal, successful life but comes across as kind of weird socially" to "someone who can't speak, has no fine motor control, and can never live independently".
Whether being unable to communicate, or understand and cope with the world is preferable to death I can't say, I'm just in the "kind of weird socially" space, and I'm sure as hell going to vaccinate my kid, but I could see why a parent would think a small chance at being ill is preferable to what they believe is a certainty at being significantly disabled.
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Comment on I want to hear about good relationships in ~talk
kollkana LinkMy husband and I will have been together for ten years in July, though we only got married in 2022. It's not the stuff of movies and books, but being in his presence has always just felt so...My husband and I will have been together for ten years in July, though we only got married in 2022.
It's not the stuff of movies and books, but being in his presence has always just felt so comfortable. To the point that on our first date where I was a bundle of nerves and hadn't been sleeping well, he made me so relaxed I literally fell asleep on his shoulder. As someone with lifelong anxiety, it was the first time I had ever felt like that.
We're also both homebodies who want to hang out together, which is very different to both my parents' and my sibling's relationships. We've just had a baby and have taken six months off work together, so things are currently the most strained they have ever been, but we both still try to care for each other while the baby drives us to madness. As long as we're not falling apart at the same time we muddle through.
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Comment on What is your strangely specific phobia? in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentThat seems like a fairly rational fear, in my opinion. There's nothing good or even neutral about a parasite!That seems like a fairly rational fear, in my opinion. There's nothing good or even neutral about a parasite!
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Comment on What is your strangely specific phobia? in ~talk
kollkana Link ParentOh yeah, the texture is another thing - I can't stand eating prawns or lobster because it feels too much like bugs, even though the flavour is nice.Oh yeah, the texture is another thing - I can't stand eating prawns or lobster because it feels too much like bugs, even though the flavour is nice.
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Comment on What is your strangely specific phobia? in ~talk
kollkana LinkSpecifically dead bugs. I'm not exactly fond of live insects/arachnids/etc., but I'm not afraid of touching (most of) them or catching them in a glass or whatever. If I realise I've touched a dead...Specifically dead bugs.
I'm not exactly fond of live insects/arachnids/etc., but I'm not afraid of touching (most of) them or catching them in a glass or whatever. If I realise I've touched a dead one, though, I will yelp and freak out and need to scrub my skin. Picking (bits of) one up in a tissue makes me shake. I have no idea why being dead suddenly makes them so horrifying to me.
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Comment on Grammar errors that actually matter, or: the thread where we all become prescriptivists in ~humanities.languages
kollkana Link ParentI don't think the one-person interpretation makes sense here - saying "the CEO and the mayor" implies two people, if you only meant one it would surely be "the CEO and mayor".I don't think the one-person interpretation makes sense here - saying "the CEO and the mayor" implies two people, if you only meant one it would surely be "the CEO and mayor".
Thank you
In the scheme of things I'm not a high risk (i.e. no plans for harming self, no thoughts of harming baby, etc., just lots of crying, anxiety, and feelings of failure) but it's not like anyone has actually confirmed that with me...