Lia's recent activity
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Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women
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Comment on Is there a way to write/draw notes on web pages (in the browser, visible to myself only and stored locally on my computer) that are always there when I revisit the page? in ~tech
Lia Link ParentOther than that it would have been great for me! Thanks for the suggestion.Annotations are meant for quick communication and screenshots. Persistence between reloads is not guaranteed.
Other than that it would have been great for me! Thanks for the suggestion.
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Comment on Is there a way to write/draw notes on web pages (in the browser, visible to myself only and stored locally on my computer) that are always there when I revisit the page? in ~tech
Lia Link ParentThanks for the recommendation and sorry I didn't respond sooner. This looks like what I was looking for and I'll try it out once my schedule clears!Thanks for the recommendation and sorry I didn't respond sooner. This looks like what I was looking for and I'll try it out once my schedule clears!
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Comment on Is there a way to write/draw notes on web pages (in the browser, visible to myself only and stored locally on my computer) that are always there when I revisit the page? in ~tech
Lia Link ParentThank you for taking the time to write this response! I was too pressed for time to respond but you helped me figure out my options. I'll probably need to develop a system that makes implementing...Thank you for taking the time to write this response! I was too pressed for time to respond but you helped me figure out my options. I'll probably need to develop a system that makes implementing this frictionless and for that I need a vacation or something.. :D
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Comment on Does Tildes welcomes “self-promoting” links to personal blog posts? in ~tildes
Lia LinkI don't know if you're abusing the rule or not but you have been posting your blog frequently enough that I personally have decided to filter it out of my feed. (I'm just one person though and...I don't know if you're abusing the rule or not but you have been posting your blog frequently enough that I personally have decided to filter it out of my feed. (I'm just one person though and most likely not your intended audience, so take that for what it's worth.)
I don't think you are anywhere near the worst offenders, the people whose behaviour makes having that rule necessary. I don't think you need to fear getting banned or anything like that. However, the reason I'm active on Tildes is that people share extremely valuable and/or interesting content on here. Especially for link topics, someone just posting their own blog doesn't really fit that idea. I see link topics as reading recommendations and recommending your own content is superfluous: of course you would recommend it, otherwise you wouldn't have written it in the first place. In my opinion the recommendation to read should come from someone else who loved it enough to post a link. And I know that's an extremely high bar to clear, but that high bar is the reason why I'm on Tildes.
In fairness I should add that I also dislike it when people post links to content that is mostly or entirely advertising - for example blogs or tweets about AI, written by some big AI company. Although this meets the above requirement of someone being enough of a fanboy of someone else's content that they take it upon themself to post a link, it's still disappointing all the same. Those posts are more palatable if the person at least took the time to explain why they found the content worth posting and perhaps included some quotes that make it easier for me to evaluate whether or not I want to click and read. Usually I don't, but I haven't felt the need to erase these from my feed because it's easy enough to weigh each case individually without clicking out of Tildes.
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Comment on Solo developer rebuilds Adobe Creative Suite in Rust using Claude, releases it free to all in ~tech
Lia Link ParentWithout checking, I suspect that this Adobe remake isn't actually useful for pros, especially if professional people weren't overseeing its development and checking each feature's functionality by...I suspect that this adobe remake would be just as possible using Kimi k3.
Without checking, I suspect that this Adobe remake isn't actually useful for pros, especially if professional people weren't overseeing its development and checking each feature's functionality by hand.
I'm using pre-Canva era Affinity software that had been in development for years before I bought the license. It's pretty good but missing some things and some tools are of poor quality, while some others are actually better than Adobe's (but different, which goes to show that it can be better to make your own thing rather than to just copy an existing thing). I'm sure a capable person could put something similar together a lot faster now with some really good AI models, but I don't think the bottleneck is entirely in programming. It's in knowing what to program and why, so that the end result is actually useful. For that you need to receive feedback, decide what to focus on (and why, for whom, etc.), make the thing better and rinse and repeat.
Even if the programming part is now faster, getting to a truly useful product is still a lot of work, so why would anyone do it for free? -> If it's completely free, no strings attached and no malware etc., then it's probably not worth my time.
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Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men
Lia Link ParentThis is really good advice, much more profound than it looks. Thanks for sharing!know yourself and show yourself
This is really good advice, much more profound than it looks. Thanks for sharing!
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Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men
Lia Link ParentNo offense taken. Have you known this person for longer or just the time you've been together? Getting to really know someone takes a long time. And one way to understand love is that if you don't...No offense taken.
Have you known this person for longer or just the time you've been together? Getting to really know someone takes a long time. And one way to understand love is that if you don't know someone, you can't actually fully love them yet. You can experience a feeling of love and it can feel overwhelmingly strong, but the object of that feeling may be your idea of that person rather than the actual person as a separate entity from yourself. And this probably goes for both people. She may have a partially false idea of you that makes her want to remain friends - you may have a partially false idea of her that makes you feel in a particular way about her that gets in the way.
Before my current relationship, I was friends with someone that eventually turned into an FWB-like arrangement. We ended it last year, adhering to the agreement we made in the beginning that it would remain temporary. I really appreciated his friendhip and would have wanted for us to stay friends afterwards. He agreed but I haven't heard from him in over six months, after sending a fairly normal email to catch up that we used to exchange regularly.
I may never find out what happened or I may hear from him tomorrow, who knows. The way our breakup went down makes me believe I didn't know him as well as I thought I did, and vice versa. And of course we didn't: we were only four years in and our communication wasn't as frequent as in a proper relationship (we were long distance too). When I said I wanted to continue the friendship, I really meant "I'd like to keep getting to know you better". Breaking up was hard and I learned many things about him that I hadn't realised before. For him, perhaps being friends would have meant giving and receiving frequent support and company in the form of exchanging messages. I have limited social energy so I told him I wouldn't be able to keep up with the same frequency if I wanted to start dating and developing a romantic relationship with someone else.
From my side, I have no ill will and he will be welcome in my life, should he ever want to rekindle the friendship. Maybe there are other things that must take place in his life before he's ready to try. Maybe getting to know me as I am shattered some parts of his idea about me and it was too painful to deal with, and he needs time to get over it. Maybe he won't ever want to do the infrequent catchups I would be able to do and it's better for him to just not be in contact at all. These are all just guesses and the real reason doesn't matter.
What matters is I loved him and love him as a friend - meaning I want the best possible life for him and I'm rooting for him to be happy, with or without me in his life.
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Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men
Lia Link ParentYep. I see it as the reward for all the effort we put in when we started dating. We had several fairly severe arguments and both people had to learn to trust the other and figure out new ways to...Yep. I see it as the reward for all the effort we put in when we started dating. We had several fairly severe arguments and both people had to learn to trust the other and figure out new ways to communicate. Learning to understand the concept of responsibility was probably the hardest part. It doesn't really get taught to us when growing up and applying it to our personal lives necessitates being in touch with our own emotions to an extent that many struggle with (for various reasons).
However demanding it may have been, the reward was a relationship so happy and functional that even ending it wasn't too hard to handle.
I'm likewise very happy to see other people have similar experiences. <3
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Comment on Solo developer rebuilds Adobe Creative Suite in Rust using Claude, releases it free to all in ~tech
Lia Link ParentCurrent pricing is deliberately set so that the companies are operating at a massive loss, to get users hooked. We don't know what the actual cost is going to be.The cost of code has hit rock bottom
Current pricing is deliberately set so that the companies are operating at a massive loss, to get users hooked. We don't know what the actual cost is going to be.
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Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men
Lia LinkMy ex and I ended our relationship after 13 years about a decade ago. It was a great, functional relationship and we were soulmates from the day we met. Towards the end we started fighting. In...My ex and I ended our relationship after 13 years about a decade ago.
It was a great, functional relationship and we were soulmates from the day we met. Towards the end we started fighting. In hindsight the ultimate reason for this was pretty straightforward: we had tried to conceive for a number of years, had some awful experiences, got through them together like we always did when shit hit the fan, but at the same time I started realising I may not want kids at all - not even if a best case scenario could be guaranteed for us (which is never the case, so one should in fact only go for kids if willing to accept less than ideal scenarios as well). His lifelong dream on the other hand was to have multiple kids and he was not able to let go of that dream. Our fights probably stemmed from both people slowly realising that there was no future for us on this Earth even though we loved each other and had been through thick and thin, and always thought we'd be together forever.
I still remember the moment when it started unravelling for us: during one of our hard conversations I said something like 'I'm scared that if we go through very invasive fertility treatments that mess up my career, body and mental health, and if even that won't give us a living, healthy kid, you would leave me on top of an already taxing experience'. He said 'Well that wouldn't be fair'. I know him and the way he uses language, so I instantly knew he couldn't actually be certain he wouldn't in fact do just that. So I decided it was better to let him leave me before going through such an ordeal rather than after going through it, especially as I didn't want to have a kid so badly that I wouldn't have regretted the outcome if it should go down that way.
I was the one who put it into words first because he didn't seem to be able to admit to himself that he wanted to break up. He suggested considering polyamory as one type of solution but I'm naturally extremely monogamous and it has always been clear to me that I want the benefits of a deeply monogamous relationship over those of a poly setup. So fairly quickly we agreed that a breakup needed to happen.
He got himself a rental flat and moved in there some time later. This was because our home was also my workspace so it was easier for him to leave. I wasn't able to cover the cost of the space on my own so I looked for other people to share it. I wasn't functional in the very beginning though, so my ex (whose income was a lot more than mine) covered for the costs of the space for about six months to give me a chance to recover and work out a plan.
When he moved out, we had already discussed everything many times and we both knew breaking up was the right move, but obviously it still hurt like hell and felt like a massive loss - equal to the death of a loved one. It was the only time I've seen him cry. We both started individual therapy (we also did a few sessions of couples' therapy when we were still unsure of how to proceed). My ex found Bruce Fisher's book Rebuilding and recommended it so we both read it around the same time when processing the breakup. I now recommend it to everyone who is ending a serious relationship. I can't begin to describe how much I've benefited from reading it (I think I've read it three times by now).
We weren't married but in my country a commonlaw partner is entitled to similar benefits than a married partner would be in case of a divorce if the relationship was long. I would have been entitled to some of his assets that had been accumulated during the relationship but I didn't pursue that because the law is meant to protect the partner who sacrificed their career so that the other could earn more. I didn't sacrifice my career for my ex - if anything it was the other way around - so I felt it was only fair that each person simply walk away with what they have.
We went no contact for the first six months and then low contact for another six months. After that we were ready to start forming a friendship and started having regular brunch dates, exchanging dating stories, giving each other advice and general support. Today he is like a brother to me. I love his wife and kids who are all just very lovely, kind hearted and funny people and they love me back. I'm grateful and happy that we broke up even though it was extremely hard, and for the way we did it. I have since been on a big self-discovery and self-development journey that is still somewhat ongoing. I've grown into a person that I really love being. Despite how amazing this relationship was, had we stayed together I most likely wouldn't be this happy with myself because it took some really tough experiences and dealing with them on my own to get where I am today.
Part of me is still sad that I had to let go of the dream of growing old with the person I fell in love with in my 20s, but this kind of sadness is part of life and I wouldn't change the decision even if I could. I love my life and my current partner, and I love that I still have this amazing man in my life who knew me when I was 25 and still knows me very well, even though we don't have time to meet very often. I'm glad that losing the romantic relationship we had didn't have to mean losing the person.
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Comment on Anyone else have Inattentive ADHD? in ~health.mental
Lia LinkADHD-PI over here. No time to participate in the thread atm, just wanted to leave a note. I was finally diagnosed in my 40s because although according to one doctor I am a textbook case, being a...ADHD-PI over here. No time to participate in the thread atm, just wanted to leave a note. I was finally diagnosed in my 40s because although according to one doctor I am a textbook case, being a woman and having the inattentive type had me fly under the radar. It's awful but knowing what it is means you'll be able to slowly make things better for yourself. Good luck!
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Is there a way to write/draw notes on web pages (in the browser, visible to myself only and stored locally on my computer) that are always there when I revisit the page?
I frequently need to source products and materials for various work projects, often from abroad, which means I can't go to a showroom to inspect quality. The visual quality (and haptic quality,...
I frequently need to source products and materials for various work projects, often from abroad, which means I can't go to a showroom to inspect quality. The visual quality (and haptic quality, which to some extent can be gauged visually) of these things is extremely important and I'm extremely fussy about what I want.
Some companies have started using AI generated product photos. No matter how perfectly they're supposed to represent the product, I really need to see a real photograph to decide whether the product is useful for me. It isn't always immediately apparent that an image is generated. This means that what was already a massive undertaking before has become double that: browsing through hundreds of options globally and painstakingly analysing the quality of each option, but now with the added step of first verifying I can actually trust what I see in the image.
I don't ever want to have to go through this verification step for the same item/company more than once. So I would need a way to blacklist product pages / manufacturer sites in a way that works for any website and is intuitive and quick to use. Ideally, I'd love a way to just put a large red "stamp" or popup (or something else that can't go unnoticed) over the page that tells me I've already inspected that site and it's not trustworthy.
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Comment on Oatly, the world's largest producer of oat milk, is sending a new message to its consumers – most people want their governments to take action on climate change in ~enviro
Lia LinkWow, this is nice! I don't drink milk (any sort) so I wouldn't have seen this were it not for the extra publicity it's generated. The fact that I've seen it probably means that many politicians...Wow, this is nice!
I don't drink milk (any sort) so I wouldn't have seen this were it not for the extra publicity it's generated. The fact that I've seen it probably means that many politicians will see it as well. The message is simple and powerful and the data point it communicates is important for everyone to understand - even those people who belong to the 89%, because there's rampant propaganda coming from the other side claiming they are a minority. This type of thing is easy and cheap for the company to do, the impact could be real, and even if it isn't, no harm done.
I got a similarly warm feeling out of this than the Norwegian government's (was it?) enshittification awareness campaign.
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Comment on When do you know that you've found "the one"? in ~life
Lia LinkThere are things we look for when dating or meeting someone interesting - values and goals that align well enough, sexual and emotional compatibility, absence of red flags, having a fun time...There are things we look for when dating or meeting someone interesting - values and goals that align well enough, sexual and emotional compatibility, absence of red flags, having a fun time together etc. Once I've met someone that feels right, I tend to hold my horses until I've had at least a couple major disagreements with them and gotten to see and experience their negative personality traits (which every human has), and they mine. That's when I know.
Most people can get along fine when it's just a normal, fun day without extra challenge. But in life, we occasionally face challenging situations and get into arguments. The way you and your partner go through those is extremely important. If the way you resolve conflicts repeatedly leaves one or both of you feeling hurt or unheard, your happiness is going to be eroded over time. If conflict resolution works well, with both people expressing themselves openly and feeling heard, and if your partner's worst traits are tolerable for you (and vice versa), that relationship is built to last.
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Comment on I don’t feel like I’m a creative person. How could I fix that and get ideas? in ~creative
Lia LinkSeconding what others already said. It's the same deal as getting good at lifting weights. You start lifting and keep doing it, and over time you'll get good at it. If you urgently need the best...Seconding what others already said. It's the same deal as getting good at lifting weights. You start lifting and keep doing it, and over time you'll get good at it.
If you urgently need the best possible solution for your place, you should hire someone who has already practiced a lot. If not, doing something yourself can be a fun way to start developing your creativity!
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Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food
Lia Link ParentI'm going to write a little more about my experience. The point of this ramble isn't that all of this will also happen to you if only you go keto, but rather to illustrate how misleading our lived...I'm going to write a little more about my experience. The point of this ramble isn't that all of this will also happen to you if only you go keto, but rather to illustrate how misleading our lived experience can be and some of the reasons why.
I can’t think of many people who could afford to be in a bad mood for “a couple weeks”.
Things like losing a family member or a pet will have a worse effect on our productivity and we all experience them occasionally without permanently devastating our lives. Many have at least this amount time off from work each year as well.
Obviously it feels like a sacrifice to spend your free time making this sort of big change. In my case it paid off spectacularly as my health was always on the poor side before the change and now I feel.. normal and physically capable. I'm not saying the benefit would be the same for everyone - I suspect some people may tolerate carbs better than I do.
one thing I hear a lot of people saying to do is to “listen to their body” and only eat when they are actually hungry. My body is nearly always telling me I am hungry.
I had a serious sugar addiction before the diet change. I craved all forms of carbs and sugar in particular, and I was always thinking about food or candy or eating. Yes, I wasn't overweight but that's probably because my life is in many ways pretty hard and I'm actively trying to make it better which consumes me both mentally and physically and also takes up a lot of energy. I had ice cream every single day and on top of that, a full bag of candy, or chocolate or cookies several days a week.
When I turned 40, I had of course tried to wean myself off the excess sugar a number of times. I'm someone who tends to succeed in whatever I seriously put my mind to. If not on the first go, then on the next after doing more research and investing even more effort. Stopping the sugar habit? No chance, none at all. No matter what I did, the required mental effort wore me down after a short while and it was again impossible for me to get past the candy shelves in the grocery store without grabbing something. At some point I decided I must simply be built this way and that it's in my DNA or something and I just won't be able to stop, so I accepted it and stopped trying.
When I started the keto diet, my biggest concern was that I wouldn't be able to go without my sweets. I prepared for that by getting all sorts of artificial sweeteners and making myself various sweet treats that I really liked the taste of. I kept eating them for a few days (maybe a bit over a week, don't remember precisely anymore) and then I noticed the craving was gone. I simply didn't feel like eating anything sweet.
I realised that there had been two components to my addiction, a physical one and a mental one. The physical component completely vanished and has not reappeared. The mental one is related to comfort eating and it still exists. If life gets very hard, I get impulses to go rummage the kitchen.
In practice I don't eat much candy anymore because I have now experienced what sugar actually does to me (the nightmares, nausea and the racing heartbeat) and so I feel a natural aversion. Also, because the craving is no longer constant like it was when the physical component was there, I can more easily catch myself and rather than going to the kitchen, ask: "What's making your life feel too hard right now?" When I focus on handling whatever that is, the craving goes away. It's almost silly how predictably this works. I don't always want to handle it - sometimes I just have the comfort food and go on with my day knowing that the looming situation will be waiting to be handled in the future. But I am able to make that choice deliberately and more often than not, I choose to handle stuff on the spot. There's a balance I didn't have before.
Yet another thing is that on this diet the taste of food is different. I used to think that dark chocolate (85%) tastes like cardboard. Now one of the best parts of my meal is a small brioche bun with a thick layer of unsweetened peanut butter and crushed 85% chocolate on top. The experience is similar to how it felt to eat regular chocolate before. Eating my favourite regular chocolate bar isn't as nice as it used to be because I can taste some artificial flavours in it and it's overly sweet. I have to put it in the freezer to cut some of the worst flavours.
Yet another observation wrt hunger: when my blood glucose levels stabilised with the diet change and I no longer experienced plummeting glucose, I stopped feeling hungry. I can easily skip my one meal a day if it's inconvenient to have it for some reason. I can tell whether ot not I've eaten recently and whether it would be a good idea to eat, but it's not an overpowering irresistable craving. It's a much more quiet signal and without knowing anything about you or your situation, I'm inclined to guess that the cravings would need to be stripped first for you to be able to detect that signal. (I could be wrong, I'm just one layperson with some personal experience.)
I suppose I’m jealous?
Thanks, I guess. I am really happy about how this diet thing turned out for me. But of course, this isn't the full picture of my life. Most people wouldn't want to go near the things I face almost every day and if you could get a glimpse of it, you'd most likely feel happy to be living your own life rather than mine.
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Comment on Hundreds of Beavers in ~movies
Lia LinkI enjoyed this film. I laughed my ass off at the horse and my partner got a kick out of how much I laughed.. xDI enjoyed this film. I laughed my ass off at the horse and my partner got a kick out of how much I laughed.. xD
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Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food
Lia LinkKeto -> low carb + OMAD - 6,5 years I started keto in 2020 because I learned that it may help with ADHD symptoms (and it did). Shortly after that, I started naturally gravitating towards...Keto -> low carb + OMAD - 6,5 years
I started keto in 2020 because I learned that it may help with ADHD symptoms (and it did). Shortly after that, I started naturally gravitating towards intermittent fasting. First 16/8, then 20/4, then 23/1. It happened by listening to my body and eating only when hungry. My keto diet was 5% of total energy form carbs, with the important exception that green vegetables don't count and you have to eat a lot of them. After a few months I started experimenting with slightly more carbs. These days I'm doing 10% carbs max and 15% protein max (I'm not always able to eat that much).
Notes:
- If you do keto, do it properly (5% carbs max) and stick to it for at least six months. Your body will adapt but the first few weeks will feel awful. It's best to start when you can afford to be in a bad mood and less productive. The fact that the adaptation sucks does not mean it's bad for you. Analogy: if you're addicted to drugs, rehab will suck but it's still good for your health in the long run.
- The only issue outside of the adaptation-related difficulties was heartburn. I started taking two apple cider vinegar capsules before each meal and the heartburn immediately stopped happening. After two months or so, I stopped taking the capsules and have never again experienced heartburn.
- I didn't do this to lose weight and was never really overweight to begin with (slightly below BMI 25), but I did end up shedding about 10 kg spontaneously during the first year. After that my weight stabilised to BMI 22. The interesting part was that my food intake did not change accordingly - I was eating the same meals and portions during the weight loss period and afterwards. It confirmed to me that counting calories is a waste of effort.
- This may sound unbelieveable but I have gained 2,5 cm (about an inch) in height since I started. I'm in my 40's and my new height has been consistent for the last 5 years. I've also been able to develop some muscle mass, for the first time in my life, and exercise without feeling like it's bad for my body.
- Once I'd adapted, exceeding the carb limit caused negative symptoms: nausea, racing heart, nightmares. I kept experimenting occasionally and it got better over time. Nowadays I'm able to have a pizza without any symptoms but if I have a liter of ice cream in the evening, I'm still guaranteed to have nightmares during the night.
- For anyone with ADHD, it may be interesting that I'm able to stay on a relatively low dose of meds because the diet gives me similar benefits. I'd say it's equal to about 10-15 mg of methylphenidate.
I'm not fascist about my meals and will make exceptions if I want to go to a nice restaurant or have a movie night at home with ice cream and crisps or whatever. What matters is what I eat most days. I eat significantly less food in terms of volume than I did before but I've become picky about food quality. I eat lots of nuts, spinach, fish (salmon), cheese, yoghurt, fresh berries and fruit (these have surprisingly few carbs relative to how sweet they taste) and seeds (usually in the form of tahini). High quality items cost more but because I need less volume, the total inflation adjusted cost isn't more than before the change.
Oh, and doing OMAD means I need to get all my electrolytes form the one meal, so I don't skimp on the salt - on the contrary, I add some. My bloodwork has come back excellent every year. Blood pressure is always excellent as well.
Happy to answer any questions.
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Comment on OpenAI hacked Australia's Medicare portal in ~tech
Lia (edited )Link ParentIf I hire some people and leave them to their own devices with instructions to make as much money as possible, and they end up robbing a bank, I will be held liable even if I didn't intend for...If I hire some people and leave them to their own devices with instructions to make as much money as possible, and they end up robbing a bank, I will be held liable even if I didn't intend for that to happen.
This scenario is even worse. It's like I hire those people, they rob the bank and rather than halting operations I just sit there posting to social media about it. "Guys, we just robbed a bank with unprecedented efficiency! Preparing for IPO!"
If we don't hold these people accountable, they sure as hell won't do it themselves. (And the same goes for all people, and that's why we have laws.)
Edit: Another example. I have a dog. It attacks someone. I certainly did not intend for that to happen, but I also won't put my dog on a leash even though it just attacked that person and I witnessed the attack. Instead I pull out my phone and start posting about it.
I live in one such top rated country.
My mom worked for an international pharma conglomerate's country division. Her pay was substantially (about 30%) lower than everyone else's who worked similar positions, despite the fact that the department she was managing consistently outperformed all others every year, by a lot. After years of this she finally worked up the courage to ask for a raise. Her boss said: 'You already have the highest salary out of all the women in this company'.
Sometimes the best/highest is not even close to good enough.