lostwax's recent activity
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Comment on What internet discussion sites remain? in ~tech
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Comment on Google Chrome to fully remove legacy support for manifest v2 in ~tech
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentI've no argument with that and resemble it somewhat. I think that need has probably been tackled many different ways over the millennia.I've no argument with that and resemble it somewhat.
I think that need has probably been tackled many different ways over the millennia.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentMost people today still take their friends from those already around them, doesn't mean they're not chosen. I feel you did speculate, through saying that being able to make your own friends is a...Most people today still take their friends from those already around them, doesn't mean they're not chosen. I feel you did speculate, through saying that being able to make your own friends is a modern innovation. It's just that that's a negative speculation, which is somehow ok, which is the attitude to the past I was taking a dig at in the first place.
I know they mourned, we have accounts from the Victorian era and before, and if I want to be sure I can go for a walk through my local cemetery and look at the money thrown at headstones for kids in the 1800's.
I'm not suggesting the past is a utopia any more than the present is, born not that long ago I'd have been one of those dead children, on account of the appendix that ruptured when I was seven. But to believe that the people that lived 200 or 2,000 years ago had a diminished capacity for connection or capacity for happiness, when they are as human as we are, is I think both wrong and very convenient for those that want to sell us shit.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentI strongly suspect most people would end up with very deep relationships with others as an outcome of that situation. We know that modern humans haven't changed significantly in an evolutionary...I strongly suspect most people would end up with very deep relationships with others as an outcome of that situation.
We know that modern humans haven't changed significantly in an evolutionary sense for what, at least on the timescale of civilisations, is a very long time. The needs and desires that you and those around you possess are strongly informed by the context you exist in but at a biological level they are the same as those of an a peasant 5,000 years ago or a tribesperson 25,000 years ago. If you have the capacity to take joy from time spent with someone you care for, so did your ancestors, and mine. If you need some of that joy in order to feel that life is worth living, so did peoples past.
As far as being forced upon them - sure, but only in the sense that one's external context is always imposed without consent. I'm not sure what a world where that's not the case would look like. You are likely forced to many things alone that your ancestors would pity you for, as you pity their lack of independence.
I am honestly a bit stumped by the idea that making your own friends is something that's only possible in modern society. What leads you to suggest this?
Traveling by yourself is a recent development, but I think you could also make a good argument that the desire to do so is a recent development as well. To me, it's very interesting to consider what has engendered that desire.
I am very wary of thinking that positions modern civilisation as any kind of utopia. That doesn't mean we should give in to nostalgia and start moaning on Facebook about how everything was better when we made stuff here and other gripes ad-nauseum, but it is clear that the modern world doesn't have everything right, by a long margin. We have had more sustainable ways of living in operation for most of our time on the planet. Were they happier times? I don't know, but I'd need good evidence to believe that they were less happy.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentI query the competence of any therapist that isn't assessing these things for basically every client. It's very hard to do any significant work if you don't shore up the scaffolding you're...Fixing the other supposedly 'little' stresses in my life that weren't the direct problem, but complicated my headspace enough that I couldn't concentrate on the problem. These are things like not getting enough sleep, worrying about money, toxic people in my life, niggling physical ailments like low blood pressure, etc.
I query the competence of any therapist that isn't assessing these things for basically every client. It's very hard to do any significant work if you don't shore up the scaffolding you're standing on first.
Similar to you, sleep is massive for me and if you deprive me of sleep for more than about three days my mental health will fall apart. The first person to notice that and help me address it was a therapist. I'm not arguing with your experience at all, it is what it is, but I do scratch my head about the therapist a bit.
As a sidenote I relate to your second point somewhat, a good wallow can be healing. I listen to a lot of pretty bleak music, it's comforting somehow.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentI hear and feel your anguish, to the extent that 25 years ago I would have agreed with a good proportion of it. You have my empathy. I would suggest that most people responding here have...I hear and feel your anguish, to the extent that 25 years ago I would have agreed with a good proportion of it. You have my empathy. I would suggest that most people responding here have understood you, but they also either disagree with you or at least have a different perspective. That doesn't mean you have failed to express yourself, haven't presented a valid point of view or aren't valuable.
I think it may be helpful to consider what you were hoping for in making your original post. You are on a website that doesn't really do uncritical affirmations, and even though people here are almost universally respectful and polite you will receive critique whether you post about sandwiches or your mental health and that probably shouldn't be a surprise. Sometimes that critique arrives without any niceties beyond good grammar and politeness. Perhaps those critiques could be couched better when we are discussing a topic so central to someone's identity and experience but it's not a requirement here (or really anywhere on the internet). This fact doesn't diminish you.
FWIW I've had plenty of therapy, mostly for good. It didn't work at all when the therapist was rubbish, which is where you have clearly spent some time. It worked best when I worked out what I wanted to work on for that session and came in and told the therapist that. It was important to communicate this intent to the therapist (while letting them have input) but the real key is that I drove the work that day. It's my brain, I'm in charge. Turning up and relying on the therapist to drive things was sometimes necessary but rarely resulted in the best sessions. I understand you have been to a boat load of therapy but it's difficult to get a sense of what frame of mind or approach you took.
Beyond that reading, and accepting, a good bit of Buddhist philosophy, particularly zen/thien, has done more to get my mind on an even keel than therapy did but I don't think I would have done that work without therapy opening the door.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentIf ever a citation was needed. This is massively off topic but I suspect the root of sentiments like the above is a lie of capitalism and marketing, which seeks to convince us that if you just buy...Plus, relationships in pre-industrialization weren't so deep as they are today
If ever a citation was needed.
This is massively off topic but I suspect the root of sentiments like the above is a lie of capitalism and marketing, which seeks to convince us that if you just buy this thing you'll be happier. A necessary cognitive side effect is that we discount the capacity of past peoples to have achieved intimacy, joy or happiness, because they didn't have cars or electricity or anything else we've been sold as imperative. Thus concludes this morning's potentially misguided hot take.
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
lostwax Link ParentI relate to that feeling of being a square peg in a round hole societally. I have found though that in a reasonable sized city there are generally little niches where the square pegs hang out...Something I also learned, as someone that didn’t want that normal life of just get a job, settle down and start a family. That it is extremely rare to meet people who wanted to do anything other than that. Who don’t feel suffocated, or don’t feel like they’re dying on the inside doing a job they don’t actually care about. Mostly because they don’t care about anything. I’ve met people that want kids because it gives them something to do.
I relate to that feeling of being a square peg in a round hole societally. I have found though that in a reasonable sized city there are generally little niches where the square pegs hang out together and finding those niches has been incredibly important for me. I seem to find them in the arts and adjacent spaces but that's just me, I'm sure there are others.
I have, though, lived in a couple of places that were just too small to harbour any sizeable number of misfits and my god that is hard graft mentally.
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Comment on Kings of the losers in ~life
lostwax Link ParentAnd monoliths at that. There are awful women and awesome women, men the same. Any worldview that says "that group of people over there are all the same" should set off massive alarm bells. Alas,...What I notice most from this article is that it appears incels believe women, and perhaps themselves, are static objects that never change.
And monoliths at that. There are awful women and awesome women, men the same. Any worldview that says "that group of people over there are all the same" should set off massive alarm bells. Alas, gestures broadly
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Comment on What internet discussion sites remain? in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentProbably not without having other people familiar with the site vehemently disagree with me (which is part of the problem). Trying to distill my thoughts on this into something coherent is...Could you summarize the reasons for Metafilter’s decline?
Probably not without having other people familiar with the site vehemently disagree with me (which is part of the problem).
Trying to distill my thoughts on this into something coherent is difficult but factors include cack handed moderation and management, a culture that has grown among some users with policing language rather than intent - including assuming others are operating in bad faith if at all possible, the US centric nature of discussion (that's the English language internet, but mefi could be particularly bad at times) and constant appeals for money coupled with no transparency around where it was going. There's also a real concern from a significant cohort regarding Metafilter's standing that leads to an out of proportion amount of energy being spent on discussing Metafilter, defining Metafilter and codifying Metafilter. It's a degree of self obsession and sturm und drang I've never seen from any other site.
To me, the factors above are the ones that won out - 15 years ago some of those voices were there, but so were many others and, for me, it was a more pleasant place to be.
Stats for the site seem to be at https://mefist.at/
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Comment on What internet discussion sites remain? in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentI don't disagree, because, well, here we are, but I'm always surprised by this outcome. We don't have to jump through any technical hoops beyond anything you have to do to use tech things like...I don't disagree, because, well, here we are, but I'm always surprised by this outcome. We don't have to jump through any technical hoops beyond anything you have to do to use tech things like Instagram to use tildes and unlike examples like the fediverse it Just Works. Why this environment seems to self select tech people I actually have little idea.
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Comment on What internet discussion sites remain? in ~tech
lostwax LinkMetafilter still exists. It's a shadow of its former self for a variety of reasons. Many of those reasons are to do with the broader ecosystem it operates in but many are related to community self...Metafilter still exists. It's a shadow of its former self for a variety of reasons. Many of those reasons are to do with the broader ecosystem it operates in but many are related to community self sabotage, which is frustrating to watch. The outcome is, to put it politely, that the quality of discussion has gone down enormously, particularly on ask.metafilter. That's part of the reason I'm here and not there.
I'm also curious about this question. I like it here but tildes and other similar places are very tech heavy, both in content and member makeup, and greater diversity would be more where I'm at. Non tech people seem to mostly be happy with Facebook groups though, which, yeah...
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Comment on Which Substacks do you subscribe to/follow? in ~tech
lostwax LinkIt's a bit like saying you're getting into reading without saying what kind of subject. I follow (ish, see below) Christopher Schwarz because he's often relevant to some of what I do...It's a bit like saying you're getting into reading without saying what kind of subject.
I follow (ish, see below) Christopher Schwarz because he's often relevant to some of what I do professionally and very much aligned in approach and ethos. If you aren't into woodwork he's probably a weird one to read though.
But substacks are just blogs behind a pay wall, don't look for them, look for good people publishing, whatever platform they're using.
There's some great stuff on substack but I only cough up the $ when I really need the content, due to substack being very happy to take Nazi content and money.
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Comment on Zoo CAD engine overview in ~engineering
lostwax Link ParentYes I need to try again, it's due I'd say. My use case is architecture into furniture/cabinetry into small bits of what is essentially industrial design. I don't think I've ever had anything 3d...Yes I need to try again, it's due I'd say.
My use case is architecture into furniture/cabinetry into small bits of what is essentially industrial design. I don't think I've ever had anything 3d printed, plenty of CNC though. FreeCAD is aiming at native IFC support in the architecture space and a mature, open source, solution that could do that would be incredible. It would shake things up in that space in the same way Blender did in its niche and it makes me feel all warm just fantasizing. I know there's an architect involved in development (on the board?) and that gives me some hope, but as it stands I haven't found anyone saying they've done any more than document their garden shed as an example project. That is a hell of a long way from real world use. But I do need to go again with it.
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Comment on The big little penis panic in ~life.men
lostwax (edited )Link ParentYou couldn't get me into such a group without sedating me first. Why would I want to cut off access to the gender that provides at least half of my best friends to sit with the one that bullied me...Male stuff is just a harder issue for me because it annoys me how much crying there is about how there are no male spaces or male support groups and such...and as someone who has been a part of many/tried to start them and they all fall a part because of lack of participation, it's hard not to be bitter with "well where the fuck were you?"
You couldn't get me into such a group without sedating me first. Why would I want to cut off access to the gender that provides at least half of my best friends to sit with the one that bullied me at school? I have a couple of friends into men's circles and whatnot, and OK, you do you, but for me there's nothing mysterious about being a man that I can't talk to my friends about regardless of their gender. I suspect my attitude is not uncommon and really cuts down the cohort any start up group can pull from.
Then there's all the issues around the men that really need to talk to someone about what's in their head but won't talk to anyone, who grew up with someone else organising their life for them and resent having to do any emotional work at all.
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Comment on Zoo CAD engine overview in ~engineering
lostwax Link ParentI have had periods of being a professional designer or documenter (I have had dreams consisting of autocad operation, the ones with archicad are more nightmares) and keep an eye on FreeCAD as...I have had periods of being a professional designer or documenter (I have had dreams consisting of autocad operation, the ones with archicad are more nightmares) and keep an eye on FreeCAD as well. I live in hope and it is getting a significant amount of work thrown at it but as far as I can tell it has essentially zero professional users. And my God, the interface.
Zoo CAD sounds interesting but cloud operation only is a huge red flag, there's the risk of a rug pull there. I hope you can export to more broadly used file formats.
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Comment on The big little penis panic in ~life.men
lostwax Link ParentI agree emphatically and I reckon the effect of that kind of environment is subtle and lasts a long time. Once sunk in it really takes the sting out of appearance anxiety. I regularly spend time...I agree emphatically and I reckon the effect of that kind of environment is subtle and lasts a long time. Once sunk in it really takes the sting out of appearance anxiety.
I regularly spend time in a sauna (shorts on but still around a lot of almost undressed people) and have been to numerous clothing optional festivals. The sauna gets all types but there's a much higher percentage of people who are young, work out a lot and take the right substances to look absolutely amazing (FTR I am in none of those categories) and I suspect if you were a 20 year old bloke and anxious about your body it might not be the place to be. Gyms might be even worse but I couldn't say for sure.
The festivals on the other hand... No one is there to work on their body, any kind of body you can think of you will see all of. Any age of body as well. In the end it stops being novel and bodies become a kind of average thing, mostly like the one you have. This happens even if you keep your clothes on. Then after four days in the bush without any way to really groom properly, any beauty routine anyone came with has long departed, which only adds to the leveling effect. I think everyone should go and do something like this at least three times in their twenties, we'd have a lot less body based bullshit in life.
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Comment on If you let AI do your writing, I will come to your house and kill you in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentYes, that was exactly my point. Sorry, I read your comment as though it's meant to be a counterpoint to mine but actually you mean it to agree?Yes, that was exactly my point. Sorry, I read your comment as though it's meant to be a counterpoint to mine but actually you mean it to agree?
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Comment on If you let AI do your writing, I will come to your house and kill you in ~tech
lostwax (edited )Link ParentWell it would have been badly written, but in the case of a catering company it likely would have told you what it is they can cook. That clear communication, even if you have to filter through...A lot of what is being targeted by "AI-slop" is stuff that would have been slop anyways.
Well it would have been badly written, but in the case of a catering company it likely would have told you what it is they can cook.
That clear communication, even if you have to filter through bad English, has gone from lots of small business websites, to be replaced by grammatically correct meaningless verbosity. It's a real problem, I do a lot of searching for products and services on the edge of my expertise and the number of times, even just this week, I've said to myself, "please not this again, just tell me if you do what I need", is insane.
I have lots of half thought out reasons as to why a company would do this to themselves, the only thing I'm really halfway certain of is that improving the models generating this shit isn't going to change much. The humans in the process either already have their brains switched off or misunderstand what is needed, it's just that now they've been handed an easy to use shotgun for their feet. Improving the shotgun won't help.
Perhaps only because invites are so hard to get. Theoretically you can email invites@tildes but in reality there won't be a reply. Invite codes aren't given to newer users at any stage automatically as far as I can tell. That's all kind of fine really except it must make growth exceptionally slow (or negative, we don't know) and if you are a newer user and want to spread the love, bad luck.
I actually like the lack of angst about tildes that the lack of transparency engenders but there are probably some downsides too.