lostwax's recent activity
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Comment on New EU-created Search Index in ~tech
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Comment on Fridges in French supermarkets hit by cyber attack in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentThe hack triggered the defrost function, according to an article I read this morning. I imagine that might normally be done without food in the fridge.The hack triggered the defrost function, according to an article I read this morning. I imagine that might normally be done without food in the fridge.
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Comment on Keeping up a blogging habit while being a dad in ~life.men
lostwax Link ParentWell more baby cuddles for me then. Certainly wasn't my experience. Good. I want my partner sane and to have a life outside the partnership. That's even more important when there's an infant...The newborn to infant stage is absolutely horrible and calling them cherubs is hilarious
Well more baby cuddles for me then. Certainly wasn't my experience.
If you did that would mean you are choosing a side hobby over your partner
Good. I want my partner sane and to have a life outside the partnership. That's even more important when there's an infant demanding their attention the rest of the time.
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Comment on Keeping up a blogging habit while being a dad in ~life.men
lostwax Link ParentIn the framing in my head I've tried to avoid the concept of sacrifices. The way I look at it is that parenting is just what I'm doing at the moment, just like I went to the pub a lot when I was...In the framing in my head I've tried to avoid the concept of sacrifices. The way I look at it is that parenting is just what I'm doing at the moment, just like I went to the pub a lot when I was younger. It's not a burden, it's just different, and like anything it'll change and then kind of end (ish).
I've found that framing helpful. It puts parenting more in the category of a job I quite enjoy but which has hard bits, rather than something I need to be stoic about. I quite enjoy many or even most bits of parenting without having to try very hard, ymmv obviously, but I think mindset is part of why.
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Comment on Recommend me music similar to that of Tool? in ~music
lostwax Link ParentAnd if we are going to talk post rock the generally assumed rulers of that genre, rightfully to my mind, are Godspeed You Black Emperor. Perhaps start with Slow Riot For New Zero Kanada or...And if we are going to talk post rock the generally assumed rulers of that genre, rightfully to my mind, are Godspeed You Black Emperor. Perhaps start with Slow Riot For New Zero Kanada or F#A#infinity. Absolutely incredible music.
I could certainly see being into Tool and GYBE.
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Comment on Denmark government hack leaked 8.7 million citizen's ID's: the password was "123456" in ~tech
lostwax LinkSpaceballs_password_scene.gif This has been a well known joke since the mid 80s, come on guys.Spaceballs_password_scene.gif
This has been a well known joke since the mid 80s, come on guys.
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Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men
lostwax Link ParentTo try and get to some of your more practical questions beyond the why: I knew, well more suspected, that it was the right thing to do because the broadening of my world that I was seeing outside...To try and get to some of your more practical questions beyond the why:
I knew, well more suspected, that it was the right thing to do because the broadening of my world that I was seeing outside the relationship was so extraordinary that I felt I had to embrace it. We had been together since I was 19, we had shaped each other's ways of doing adulthood and didn't have much to compare to outside each other. On top of that I grew up very timid, shy and was strongly taught in how I grew up that you don't directly talk about anything, the more meaningful the thing, the less you say. So I spent my 20s not advocating for myself, not expressing my needs (generally even to myself) and accepting a relationship that largely excluded the outside world. I did not at all have the tools to say "hey, my perspective is changing, can we talk about that?" and deep down I was rightly worried that I'd get manipulated into pulling my head in. So expressing my unhappiness, thoughts of leaving and then leaving was a series of announcements, not conversations. I do not recommend this and regret it, but I forgive myself at this point.
I thought about it, in my deepest subconcious soul, for many years. Deciding to do it was fairly sudden and related to having a community and intimacy around me in a way I hadn't felt before. Following that was the series of breadcrumb announcements above, which I regret.
My partner took it very badly - many tears, a lot of spite, attempts at manipulation (The last time we had sex was, I can't quite bring myself to say rape, but not consensual, as an attempt to change my mind. That left its little mark long term and had the opposite effect. It's indicative of our dynamic.) and so much raw emotion that any attempt at discussion derailed my limited emotional vocabulary. This lasted 18 months? Worst time of my life.
The end was me chucking bugger all belongings in a friend's ute and leaving while she was at work, staying in an empty room at another friend's place, with a mattressand borrowed sheets. That first night I felt so much relief.
The final I'm not coming back conversation happened at a restaurant. That was stupid, it should have been without a meal to keep us there. Never felt so awful in my life.
Splitting our stuff? Didn't care. She volunteered to pack my things, I said yes largely to try and not be in what was now her space. So I got most of what was mine. She kept some of that and all of what was ours. Of that I miss the photos and the rest doesn't matter and never has. In some ways not having to deal with it was a burden avoided.
Emotionally this was all so hard to process and much, much therapy has been had, initially at the instigation of my doctor, who I owe a lot to. That initial therapy unpicked the relationship, but the more important stuff unpicked why I am as I am, how growing up as I did influenced things and so on.
I can sum up the result of that process really easily - know yourself and show yourself. By that I mean communicate who you are and what you need, both to yourself and others. That's a lot of work but I will never be in a position like that again and, I am pretty sure, neither will my kid - he's growing up differently, very deliberately.
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Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men
lostwax LinkI am in two minds around how much I want to spell out here. I have done so, so much introspection (and therapy) around this and I do talk about it, but mostly with only a few very close friends....- Exemplary
I am in two minds around how much I want to spell out here. I have done so, so much introspection (and therapy) around this and I do talk about it, but mostly with only a few very close friends. I'd talk more privately if you want.
I would put it down to what I call realisations. In an old relationship that I left after 13 years, there was a gradual realisation that I was lonely and that friends kind of avoided us as a couple. Then a further realisation that my partner was quite manipulative and essentially gaslit me, subconsciously I suspect, rewarding behaviour that isolated us with compliments, affection or sex. I could write an essay on our dysfunctions and a second one on how it infantilised us and how my partner depended on that infantilisation for her sense of security. I woke up, and that is really what it feels like, in large part because I ended up in a work environment that was super social, intense, long-ish term and in a strange way very nurturing. Most importantly, being work, my partner didn't have much of a way in. And for me it was a revelation to suddenly have these intense relationships within a group and feel so much fucking happier - in a way that just finding a job I liked really didn't explain.
The bits I'm less proud of are how badly I was able to articulate all of this to my partner, how half aware I was myself of what was going on - it was a bit like a fish suddenly saying "hey what's this stuff I'm in?" and a crush I developed on someone else as part of this whole process. I am still not sure what my partner thinks I left for, given my inability to articulate things and her unwillingness to hear. Over 15 years on I still feel shame about this and probably always will. My behaviour on leaving was a lot more dignified (and in one or two cases, less illegal) than hers but we were both a shitshow.
I need to go and buy hardware now but I may be able to add some of the context the post breakup introspection has left me with later.
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Comment on Was watching a history YouTube video when I realized they are all AI in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentYeah, don't wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.Yeah, don't wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it.
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Comment on Was watching a history YouTube video when I realized they are all AI in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentHallucinations and inaccuracies are for the videos where they are actually trying, the worst of them are just flat out made up. Watch the time Jimi Hendrix dropped into a suburban guitar shop,...Hallucinations and inaccuracies are for the videos where they are actually trying, the worst of them are just flat out made up.
Watch the time Jimi Hendrix dropped into a suburban guitar shop, where for some reason there was a pre-assembled crowd that didn't recognise him despite being pictured at the height of his fame, get disrespected and blow them all away on one of the many left handed guitars present
It's drivel and easier to make than something that even has a vague finger on reality. It's got me on YouTube less, which I suppose is an achievement.
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Comment on Danish government confirms its Central Person Register was hacked – data breach affects eight million citizens and includes names, addresses, and social security numbers in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentTo a degree that was both startling and disconcerting when I studied in Aarhus as an Australian ten years ago. It is digitised but it goes far beyond that and it's more centralised and authority...Denmark is one of the most heavily digitalized countries
To a degree that was both startling and disconcerting when I studied in Aarhus as an Australian ten years ago.
It is digitised but it goes far beyond that and it's more centralised and authority run than the tech of the day can describe; I got the impression society has operated this way since the records were on card file. At this point it's the default culture - people expect to be assigned a doctor and not choose one, as a random example. That's not digitisation, it's much more fundamental.
It means Denmark is awesome for anyone wanting to run, say, a medical study as it has incredibly deep records and people are entirely used to them not being private. It also means that data breaches have the potential to be more serious than in many places, something that was only true in the card file era with physical access.
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Comment on Become worthless (to tech companies) in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentI suppose that given that equation I'd rather the money with the advertisers than meta, tiktok, google or any of the other ecosystem providers. I don't like the system they provide and I don't...I suppose that given that equation I'd rather the money with the advertisers than meta, tiktok, google or any of the other ecosystem providers. I don't like the system they provide and I don't like how pervasive it is, funnelling more money to them, no matter how "stick it to the man" in nature, is the last thing I want to do.
I've worked for companies that needed to engage with Facebook ads or similar to survive and they were both doing worthwhile things and didn't have any spare money. Them taking a hit so that Facebook can make more money is in no one's interest except Facebook's. Be mindful of which man you're sticking it to.
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Comment on Become worthless (to tech companies) in ~tech
lostwax Link ParentIn the game of life that is musical chairs, most of the more recent comfortable and happy making chairs I've found are off-line. At that point I do feel better. That's perhaps not as I envisaged...In the game of life that is musical chairs, most of the more recent comfortable and happy making chairs I've found are off-line. At that point I do feel better. That's perhaps not as I envisaged things at around 1999 when I was most optimistic about the online world but here we are and it largely remains an option.
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Comment on Become worthless (to tech companies) in ~tech
lostwax LinkSeems backwards to me. This makes you worthless to the advertisers but quite valuable, at least into the medium term, to Meta or whoever. There aren't enough people about to do it to pull down the...Do you have to use a big social platform? Click on all of the ads you see or click on some of them, but don't buy anything.
Seems backwards to me. This makes you worthless to the advertisers but quite valuable, at least into the medium term, to Meta or whoever. There aren't enough people about to do it to pull down the system.
Many of these seem aimed more at being unknowable rather than worthless and they aren't the same thing. Their conflation is common in tech land and heading in the direction of one sometimes achieves the other but also often doesn't.
And how much time do you think I have anyway? I'll settle for not seeing the ads in the first place.
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Comment on I don’t feel like I’m a creative person. How could I fix that and get ideas? in ~creative
lostwax LinkYou've got to plant seeds in your mind, the easiest way to do that is to look at what other people have created. Go to art galleries and pay attention to what moves you. The same in nature and...You've got to plant seeds in your mind, the easiest way to do that is to look at what other people have created. Go to art galleries and pay attention to what moves you. The same in nature and with architecture. And so on. Research those things, see if you can find out what they meant to their creator. At some point those influences will start to leak back out of you, when they do, notice and encourage it.
I work with buildings and smaller timber things and I work with a lot of architects and designers, along with the odd artist. All of us are actively working on our creativity, we all have way too many books, photos of interesting ways of doing stuff and a lot of long conversations. It's (enjoyable) work.
No one is miraculously creative in a vacuum, it's active. If you want to output creative work, start by taking it in, then don't be afraid to let it come out again. And again and again. It's practice.
This doesn't answer the question of what to do with your columns. But perhaps it shows a path towards how you'd answer it.
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
lostwax Link ParentHa, fair enough. But yeah, without meaning offence at all, the dryness of your comments has been noted by others so I went and opened your bio yesterday and found just that one word. Okay, food...Ha, fair enough. But yeah, without meaning offence at all, the dryness of your comments has been noted by others so I went and opened your bio yesterday and found just that one word. Okay, food for latter thought maybe, but whatever. Then today you're avowing your humanness, which is an unusual thing to do, so I thought I'd at least mention it.
Five years ago we wouldn't have had this conversation. Sigh.
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
lostwax Link ParentRemoving or clarifying the single word "robot" description that is your tildes bio may further help allay suspicions.I promise I am human
Removing or clarifying the single word "robot" description that is your tildes bio may further help allay suspicions.
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Comment on Men arrested on suspicion of explosives offences near US air base in Britain following "major incident" in ~news
lostwax Link ParentThe above is a good summation I think. That this can be called a far left position is an indictment in itself. It would seem to be the truth; even if one would advocate for support of Israel, it's...The above is a good summation I think.
Far-left figures may focus instead on how this is a natural evolution of providing logistics support and arms to Israel. And in between those two extremes[...]
That this can be called a far left position is an indictment in itself. It would seem to be the truth; even if one would advocate for support of Israel, it's still a reasonable line of logic to hold to be true.
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Comment on Do you think you're special? in ~talk
lostwax Link ParentWhy? I feel this is how we end up with manifest destiny and other harmful notionsWhy?
I feel this is how we end up with manifest destiny and other harmful notions
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Comment on Do you think you're special? in ~talk
lostwax Link ParentI'm struggling to make the link honestly. We are each our own viewpoint, of course, but it's not exactly a leap to realise that that applies to everyone. An awareness of the uniqueness of one's...I'm struggling to make the link honestly. We are each our own viewpoint, of course, but it's not exactly a leap to realise that that applies to everyone. An awareness of the uniqueness of one's position doesn't imply that it's the only unique position. So it's hard to see how that makes anyone special and doubly hard to see where selflessness would necessarily come into things.
I'll add another separate voice to the "I'd pay for kagi but I find them distasteful" pile.
Mostly for the same reasons others express here; I don't want to pay for anyone's AI product (as in, I am quite anti AI, not that I want it for free) and hands off attempts to be apolitical are bullshit. Everything is political, deal with it, make better choices and make a better world.