lostwax's recent activity
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
lostwax Link ParentIt's worth noting that this is a US, and probably some other places, but not universal concern. It's not how suitability for a loan is determined in much of the world and in those places there's...Helps you build credit
It's worth noting that this is a US, and probably some other places, but not universal concern. It's not how suitability for a loan is determined in much of the world and in those places there's no downside to not taking on any debt at all ever. It won't stop you getting a home loan.
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
lostwax Link ParentI feel like I just wrote out the sunscreen songI feel like I just wrote out the sunscreen song
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Comment on Adulting -- what advice or encouragement did you receive / wish you had received when you were just starting out moving out? in ~life
lostwax LinkKnowledge, understanding and intention are not the same as doing and doing is usually the only thing that matters. Talk, explain, communicate. Don't live in your head. Any relationship that...Knowledge, understanding and intention are not the same as doing and doing is usually the only thing that matters.
Talk, explain, communicate. Don't live in your head.
Any relationship that inhibits other relationships is a bad relationship.
Drama in a relationship is not a sign you care for each other.
Transcend your parents. Have the courage to be yourself.
Be honest. The closer the relationship the more transparently so. Be your most honest with yourself.
Spell out your needs. With greater clarity the closer the relationship. Spell them out with the greatest clarity to yourself.
All of the above are easier said than done. Work hard.
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Comment on What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable? in ~life
lostwax LinkThe best I've been to have not been sit down events. Lots of mingling and talking instead and at a couple of them there wasn't even a ceremony, that having been done separately without an audience...The best I've been to have not been sit down events. Lots of mingling and talking instead and at a couple of them there wasn't even a ceremony, that having been done separately without an audience for religious, practical or political reasons. In essence the formality was dialed right down. At one, about 15 of us went to the pub for dinner after a very big afternoon event, with the brides coming with us. It's still one of my favourite weddings.
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Comment on Want some advice on how to escape my current situation - I [34M] am fed up of my [68F/81M] parents and want out in ~life
lostwax LinkObserving your post and then your comments - it seems to me you don't feel you can take up much space in other people's lives. Your relationship with your brother seems quite subservient and the...Observing your post and then your comments - it seems to me you don't feel you can take up much space in other people's lives. Your relationship with your brother seems quite subservient and the same with your father obviously. There's a passivity or helplessness inherent to your narrative of how you got here.
I suspect everything would become infinitely easier if you learnt to properly occupy your space - bother your brother, assert yourself with your father, and so on. Take what is yours. That's also a lot more fundamental than the question of how you afford a place but you are already taking a step in the right direction in writing this post. Focusing on that might be worthwhile.
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Comment on Industry Standard Tools in ~life.home_improvement
lostwax Link ParentAnd the reality is that there often isn't a best or a standard. I'm in Makita land for battery systems, it's fine and I had my reasons for choosing it but I work with people in Milwaukee land and...And the reality is that there often isn't a best or a standard. I'm in Makita land for battery systems, it's fine and I had my reasons for choosing it but I work with people in Milwaukee land and that's fine too. I'm reasonably wary of people who are dogged about these choices.
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Comment on Industry Standard Tools in ~life.home_improvement
lostwax LinkIt's a funny list. I have a lot of experience in some of their categories and while I don't see anything I can really argue with, if you need this website to discover the Festool track saw, for...It's a funny list. I have a lot of experience in some of their categories and while I don't see anything I can really argue with, if you need this website to discover the Festool track saw, for example, you probably should be buying a cheaper version by another manufacturer.
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Comment on Dolly Parton, country music legend, dies at 80 in ~music
lostwax Link ParentAs you've probably noticed we've had 80 or so years of practice at importing American culture in a big way, she was one of the better bits.As you've probably noticed we've had 80 or so years of practice at importing American culture in a big way, she was one of the better bits.
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Comment on Dolly Parton, country music legend, dies at 80 in ~music
lostwax LinkThe first music I heard this morning, at about 7:30am, was Jolene absolutely cranked, coming off a building site up the road. There's no way in hell that's the usual type of music for steelfixers...The first music I heard this morning, at about 7:30am, was Jolene absolutely cranked, coming off a building site up the road. There's no way in hell that's the usual type of music for steelfixers in urban Australia but everyone has time for Dolly.
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Comment on What is the oldest file you still have? in ~tech
lostwax LinkI think I've got a few Amiga floppies with OctaMED, Fantavision and other early teens experiments on somewhere. They'd be early 90s but reading them would be anyone's guess. I'd have a heap of...I think I've got a few Amiga floppies with OctaMED, Fantavision and other early teens experiments on somewhere. They'd be early 90s but reading them would be anyone's guess.
I'd have a heap of stuff from the late 90s and on and probably a copy of the anarchist cookbook that got passed around highschool. I don't know anyone that actually used anything in it and I should probably delete it.
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Comment on What's something that's more challenging for you than it is for others? in ~talk
lostwax Link ParentI am more in your wife's position and yeah, I find it to be pretty brutal. I feel that weight of having to do the social work of two people. I don't know your circumstances beyond what you've...I think my wife struggles more with my lack of real friends than I do.
I am more in your wife's position and yeah, I find it to be pretty brutal. I feel that weight of having to do the social work of two people. I don't know your circumstances beyond what you've shared but it's worth being aware of and at least talking about, for your wife's sake.
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Comment on Sleep struggles: how do I get better sleep quality? in ~life
lostwax LinkRestricting sleep time has been good for me. You probably know how much sleep you'd like to have and when you'd like or need to get up. If that works out to 10pm to 6am sleep time, prevent...Restricting sleep time has been good for me. You probably know how much sleep you'd like to have and when you'd like or need to get up. If that works out to 10pm to 6am sleep time, prevent yourself from sleeping before 10, no matter how tired you are. Do whatever you need to do but no bed and no sleep before real sleep time.
The other thing I do, if I wake up, is to both remind myself that brains don't work properly half awake and all the anxious thoughts can be discounted and to do something else for 15 minutes if I can't sleep. Get up, wander about, look outside, whatever. But get out of the rut of want to sleep/can't sleep, forgive yourself, do something else and try again.
And all the sleep hygiene things others have suggested.
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Comment on Founder of collapsed Chinese property giant Evergrande sentenced to life in prison in ~finance
lostwax Link ParentRight now you might well be correct in your distrust. But even in the medium term any trust in companies to continue to do things like support LGBT rights is probably badly misplaced. As you note,...So right now the last thing we need is our government taking out companies who support LGBT rights, for example. I don’t trust this current government with the power to take down companies
Right now you might well be correct in your distrust. But even in the medium term any trust in companies to continue to do things like support LGBT rights is probably badly misplaced. As you note, they are not people and the people in them get sacked, retire, move on, die or any number of other things, meaning you are in effect trusting in the selection of new people in a process you have no control over. Consider the evolution of Google or even the buyout of a company like Ben and Jerry's.
If you want some level of control you need regulation with teeth decided on by people that represent you effectively. I am aware of the absurdity of that statement in your country at the moment but I don't think there are many shortcuts around it that hold together in the long term.
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Comment on Founder of collapsed Chinese property giant Evergrande sentenced to life in prison in ~finance
lostwax Link ParentAt first thought I get you but I think I disagree. If regulatory systems can't inflict real pain on corporations I suspect democracy is in a very bad way, because who then are corporations...At first thought I get you but I think I disagree. If regulatory systems can't inflict real pain on corporations I suspect democracy is in a very bad way, because who then are corporations beholden to? Their shareholders are all that's left, if they have any, and that leaves most of us screwed.
I mean you're living that reality now in the US and I think you can make a very sound argument it's a large part of why you're being told what you can and can't do in the way you are.
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Comment on What's something that's more challenging for you than it is for others? in ~talk
lostwax LinkDrawing. I am just appalling at it, despite putting serious time into learning. That's kind of fine except I regularly do design work and I'm even pretty good at it. Working in a CAD program just...Drawing. I am just appalling at it, despite putting serious time into learning. That's kind of fine except I regularly do design work and I'm even pretty good at it. Working in a CAD program just somehow uses a totally different bit of my brain. It makes communicating ideas in sketches embarrassing and it's very frustrating.
I'm often not far beyond my seven year old kid.
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Comment on Autistic/Neurodivergent/"just stubborn" members: how did you [happily] learn to do something you couldn't just instantly do? in ~life
lostwax LinkI'm not diagnosed with anything but my son has ADHD and looking at him is often like looking into a mirror that shifts time by 40 years. That and a whole lot of other aha moments over the last few...I'm not diagnosed with anything but my son has ADHD and looking at him is often like looking into a mirror that shifts time by 40 years. That and a whole lot of other aha moments over the last few years and I'm going to claim my right to comment.
The two hacks I (inadvertently) landed on are external time pressure and pure anxiety. Most of my professional work, what I've been able to remain sane in anyway, has been things like theatre, events and big productions of things where a lot of people and a deadline keep me engaged even when I don't quite know what I'm doing yet or it's boring. It's not a coincidence that those environments are full of non neurotypical people.
Without that external push I either need to accept a lot of anxiety or I disengage. I don't recommend this.
In more recent years I have found mindfulness practices and a bit of engagement with buddhism in general to be revolutionary. The ability to kind of watch myself from a distance and change my actions based on what I observe has let me get a lot more done and lowered anxiety to the lowest level I can recall as an adult. I'm a lot more genuine to be around too.
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Comment on Elon Musk on tomatoes in ~food
lostwax Link ParentEasiest way to make money is to already have a lot of it.Easiest way to make money is to already have a lot of it.
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Comment on A list of independent internet forums in ~tech
lostwax LinkI don't use it anymore but metafilter is missingI don't use it anymore but metafilter is missing
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Comment on Waving goodbye, carrying my bundle on a stick in ~talk
lostwax Link ParentI think for a lot of people it's a bit like an important relationship that's no longer receiving effort from the other party. Confirmation that it will never receive any effort again is always a...I think for a lot of people it's a bit like an important relationship that's no longer receiving effort from the other party. Confirmation that it will never receive any effort again is always a pretty big deal, even if no practicalities change.
I had a similar bit of wisdom to try and get across to my son yesterday regarding riding a bike on the road - you can be right and dead. Let the car driver be wrong.