Recommend a book on feminism for tween boys
My 10 year old son asked me the other day what feminism was. He had never heard of the word and when I tried to define it on the fly he looked a little puzzled. It surprised me that he hadn't been introduced to the concept since he goes to a pretty liberal public school. I think the school has focused more on racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic diversity. Also, i have to admit that I feel a little guilty that he's practically a tween and he doesn't have a clue what feminism is (im feeling like this is a big mom fail).
Usually when I want to introduce a topic that I think is important with my kids, I find an appropriate book as a jumping off point. But I'm really stuck on this one. Everything is either way too young (picture books) or written with girls as the target audience. And the books don't seem to define feminism exactly, just give vague descriptions, slogans, and historical examples. I'm looking for something along the lines of Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You, which is a book his entire 4th Grade class read and discussed last year. ETA: He reads at a high level - for example, he breezed through The Hobbit. So a book at a High School level might also work.
Thank you in advance for your help!
Hmm, I don't have a suggestion in that vein, so this may not be all that useful, but I thought that Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett was a reasonable glance at gender issues from a satirical perspective, and ok for tweens IIRC? It certainly got me thinking about why people think girls are/should be different to boys. Something to consider maybe.
Along the lines of books that are feminist but not about feminism explicitly, the Rejected Princesses book is a great read for anyone. It's a compilation of stories of women, some historical and some from folktales, that wouldn't exactly fit with Disney's message. Some of the stories aren't appropriate for younger kids, but they're arranged by age level, so if you supervise it should be okay. The illustrations are also wonderful.
Patricia C Wrede's Dealing with Dragons is a feminist YA fantasy novel. The main character is a woman but it was suggested to me as a kid by my Dudely male cousin so it's not For Girls. It discusses gender roles, female leadership/capabilities, challenges tradition for the sake of tradition, etc in a very humorous way. I'm not a huge fan of reading YA as an adult but I still own a copy and it holds up as quality writing. There is a sequel with a male main character that continues the same critique of social roles from a male POV.
I honestly don't have a book recommendation, but I don't think a book is the best way to teach a kid this young about Feminism, even if they are a very competent reader. I think this is more of a long conversation issue. I was a very advanced reader as a kid, but I found later in life that a lot of the more advanced books I read in my childhood had meanings that I could not yet understand because I simply didn't have the life experience to give them context. And I didn't even know I was missing out on them at the time!
The problem is that Feminism isn't so much a concept as it is a theme. It covers ideas and entire systems of philosophy, and it requires an understanding of history on top of all of that. It's too much to compress into a book to ensure a kid gets all the messages it was trying to send.
So with that in mind, do a bit of reading on the topic yourself to brush up your knowledge, then have that conversation with the kid. Engage with him and make him feel the importance of the concepts you're trying to teach him. Then you can give him some books to read if he's still interested.
As for book recommendations, this is a really good reason to go to the library and ask a librarian for recommendations. :)
At this age you should be doing both with your child. Basically treat it like a book club. You both read sections of he book separately then come together to discuss what you've read about, and like OP stated use it as a jumping off point. The goal here is yes, to teach your kid about feminism, but a secondary goal should be to teach your kid to read closely, the types of things to look for when reading, and to give an open space to ask questions when they might not fully understand something. If you do this you're likely going to find that there are things even you glossed over l.
I remember having the same experience as you as a kid. There were many books that I enjoyed and thought I understood,but rereading them as an adult there was a lot of subtext, or even just text, that I didn't comprehend the meaning of. That doesn't mean reading those books at that age was a waste of my time, though.
I agree with @karsaroth suggestion of Terry Pratchett's Equal Rites. It is directly on point and would help.
(While I'm here I will mention that Pratchett's Tiffany Aching series and Tamora Pierce Circle of Magic series show heroic tween to teen girls working alongside boys/young men in a positive way, but that is not directly related to your original question)
So if you don't find help here, a good librarian could help or possibly r/yalit on reddit. Back Home by Michelle Magorian is an excellent tween book, primarily about culture shock but it also demonstrates a world where things are profoundly unequal between men and women.
Step one for me would be getting into the history of how things used to be worse for women. In the US, the career of Ruth Bader Ginsberg and the legal rights she won for women by taking cases to the Supreme Court would be something I would refresh my memory on if I wanted to have that conversation. Likewise the history of women getting the right to vote. Sojourner Truth Aint I a Woman Speech. chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/https://thehermitage.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Sojourner-Truth_Aint-I-a-Woman_1851.pdf
I generally like the books from DK. As a disclaimer, we hadn’t read this one, but my kids got a wide variety from this publisher and I liked them all, so I am recommending this blindly. Would love to hear back from you, if you go ahead and read it.
https://www.dk.com/us/book/9780241350379-the-feminism-book/
What we did read was the Good Night stories for rebel girls. It is not about feminism in theory, but highlights and introduces women in history, which was a good jumping off point for this topic with our daughters. Yes, it has girls in the title, but the content itself are just biographies that are interesting regardless of the readers gender.
https://www.rebelgirls.com/products/3-book-box-set
One thing I would have liked someone to have told me (context: I am a young adult male) is that it's not OK to talk over women and important to not drive them out of conversations (which is essentially a form of aggression). This often manifests in a (I don't really want to say subtle manner) but at least not the kind of in-your-face immediately obviously sexist manner, it can be either outright microaggressions (e.g. interruptions, dismissing ideas verbally, jumping down a woman's throat on a gender basis), or internally disregarding things women say. It's also always worth intervening in a conversation if this happens – e.g. if another man interupts a woman in the middle of a conversation, ignore him and listen to what the woman was saying. It can take a while to notice this tendency (as a man), and a lot of men do it.
I always appreciate it when someone is an ally. Thank you.
a few books targeted at older readers, but short and approachable, that he might like:
We Should All Be Feminists (64 pages)
Feminism for the 99%: A Manifesto (96 pages)
Men Explain Things to Me (174 pages, as a collection of 7 essays)
I was just getting into 9th grade when gamergate was the big thing on the internet, so I was hearing a lot of bad things about feminism on Reddit and the internet in general.
The thing that really helped educate me were my peers at school. I got into 90s riot girl music and met some girls at school who were into that too. They ran the feminism club and invited me to come and I learned a lot there. If there’s a feminism club at your son’s school, I would recommend encouraging them to attend it. The best way to learn about feminism is from peers who can share their experiences and explain why feminism is important to them.
I'm not sure how heavy you want to get into it at this time. I think a candid conversation would be the simplest and most effective tool. If you feel uncomfortable on the topic, a book for yourself might be in order, but all the kiddo really needs right now is preparation for middle school. It's unfortunate, but middle school is where kids learn all of the slurs but none of the reasoning. So he'll get hit constantly with randomly used bigotry by fellow students that also no nothing about what their saying. Prepping him for that, so he learns how to recognize bigotry, is the best tool for now. There will be plenty of time to dive into the history and motivations of the various feminist movements when he's got a better grasp on the world as a whole.
| I think the school has focused more on racial, ethnic, and socioeconomic diversity.
Feminism is exactly the same: Treat every one equally, respect them, and only judge yourself.
Sarcasm added: whether your wrong or not is decided by others, and you always hope you do not become a target of their agenda.
I saw Barbie with my 12-year-old last night, and honestly it might be a good shout too. We had a good discussion about feminism and gender-stereotypes on the way home from the cinema off the back of what the movie has to say about being a woman (and to a lesser extent being a man), and it seemed to be pretty inspiring to my daughter. I have seen a fair amount of critique of the film as being "baby's first feminism" but for kids it seems like a really accessible jumping in point for the subject.
I love this idea - thank you!
I don't know that it's feminism per se, but I'd recommend Judy Bloom. Some of her books are specifically meant for tween girls, and I think it would be great for tween boys to read them to get an idea for what their peers are going for. I remember Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. in particular being very influential on me. But I bet any of her YA books would be good.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions