Anyone else diagnosed with depression? I need others to talk to
Hello,
So I've been officially diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I am on medication for it and I've done therapy in the past. I am a more functional person than I was, let's say, one year ago as I've adjusted my medication.
However there is something that is SEVERELY affecting my quality of life and that is the generalized lack of interest or extreme difficulty in doing almost anything. Yes I've talked with my doctor about this. It's "normal" and we are working on it.
I don't know many people and COVID-19 took a hit on my already limited social life. So I guess I want to share my experience and hear from others who experience(ed) the same difficulties. When you are trapped in not wanting to do anything, what the hell do you do?
Recently I've started reading a physical book again. I think it is a good thing for me to have something to do that does not involve a screen. Plus it makes me sleepy if I am a bit tired which, for me personally, is great. Aside from this next experiment, the activities I do the most are playing one or two video games, study for my degree and work part-time.
Another thing I've started doing is doing the bare minimum in terms of physical exercise. I am working on doing pull-ups (I went from doing 0 to 1,5 =) ) and doing some squats. School and work rob me of a lot of energy so I tend not to exercise. But now I'm trying to at least do something.
I will try to keep up with this post but I have a tendency to procrastinate on them if I get a lot of replies. Thanks for bearing with me =).
I have anxiety, panic attacks and a bit of depression attached to it due to a burn out that got me a massive slap of agoraphobia (yay the Brain, the source and solution of all life's problems). The depression takes a back seat to the other bits - as MimicSquid says, finding something enjoyable is awesome.
The key is to find something to do that doesn't provide guilt for doing it. Something that require some activity that you always feel good doing, but dodges the sensation of "doing nothing" which can cause sensations of guilt.
For me that was at first making the bed every morning. Which sounds pathetically trivial but it got me going each day and as long as I could tell myself that "well I made the bed at least" it was something, you know? A small sense of activity and normalcy and then from that add other actions.
The thing that it made me do was keep me in my brain without having that loop of unwanted thoughts stuck in there. Just that menial action, that thing that you've done a 1000 times help the brain go through the motions without over-focusing.
OOOOoooh also pull ups, even when I trained like 3 days a week I could never do more than one so awesome work there.
Another thing that I want to suggest is talk with friends. If you have friends who are not just close enough but sensitive enough to be able to pick up on emotions give them some instructions. For me its my husband. He knows he has the right to say "you're panicking and being irrational" and I know that when he says it, he means it without any malice. Its just a pure observation. A friend recently told me I sounded sad and since I had talked to him about this, instead of doing the typical thing we're all raised to do and go "no no everything is hunky-dorey" I stopped and thought and realized that I was fairly listless and in a downward spiral.
Not to be too much about it, but think about like BDSM best practices. You know, "communication first", "safe word that is ALWAYS taken seriously" etc... apply that to this current (but not eternal) situation as a way to get past it without too much hassle.
And ALLOW yourself to not be brimming with energy. The issue is to make due with the energy you have and not feel bad that its not so high right now. Just use it (like RAM its just wasted machinery unless its all used). and learn how to forgive yourself.
FINALLY try to hang out with someone. Take the risk Covid or not, and find one of those friends and ask if they want to "just watch a movie even if you may fall asleep midmovie". And (no good English expression for this) have a good "being silent with each other" (as a positive) for a while. Try to slowly cut away the social pressures and energy needed and just mellow out with someone in the same room. It feels way better than doing that alone.
Hi, sorry for the late reply. I did say I was going to procrastinate on this =p.
You mention having something that didn't cause me guilt. I do have in place some routines to keep "things from breaking up" in my life. But I do struggle with guilt when it comes to video games. I always had a hard time relaxing so I try to do at least something productive in the morning before I play. But my brain will throw my effort aside and will just tell me that I should be doing something more productive than shooting pixels.
I've accepted the fact that my energy seems to be below average. I am currently reading more about depression and talking with other doctors to try to rule out others causes or at least to find things that help beyond the medication (which does help, people just have this dumb stigma against it). I'm also talking with you guys here. It's all part of my planned effort to try to see other angles of this problem.
I've read your post a few times in the past 2 days and the friends thing made me think. I realized I haven't talked about my issues to a friend, aside from my girlfriend, in ages. One just feels weak talking about it you know? Because visibly there is nothing wrong. I have also fallen into the habit of not talking with anyone (not even through the internet or phone). Plus I have the tendency to focus on conversations intellectual conversations. I like crave that but it creates a trend where people see me as a person who is not interested in personal issues. But today I'm going to try to talk to at least 1 friend about myself. I'll try it out, there's nothing to lose.
Hey no "sorry's" about slow reply rate. There's no rush, and I am, like all others absolutely fine with it (or no reply at all). :)
As for friends, its tricky because mental health is devious in that regard. Since its not visible its not easy to talk about, and the less people around us talk about it the less visible it becomes. To me its been helpful talking about it like we would a broken leg. I can't SEE the broken bone healing, I only see the effects or the bandaging. Same with your depression - me and others can't see the neurons and chemicals fucking things up, but we can see the effect and know about the medication and therapy. The downside is that depression has, like OCD, or phobias been muddled up by the phrases being used more casually for other things. "I like things to be orderly, so a bit OCD" or "I'm so depressed missing that concert" or "I have clown phobia, I really find clowns creepy".
Neither of those things are actually describing the mental health issue. The difference between being orderly and having a manic forced pattern locking you in to ever more complex actions to avoid fear and anxiety slowly crippling your life. Or being down or sad, compared to an actual depression. Or being scared of something and having a phobia - one being a fear the other a crippling condition of unreasonable reactions and avoidance behavior.
(not saying people should stop talking like that or that there is something wrong doing it, just that its a bit tricky since it makes it fiddly to talk about actual mental health issues)
But replacing the mental health thing in my head with "broken bone" when talking about it have helped me. Instead of describing it in this convoluted and strange way - talking of it and the effects in the same clear, casual and certain way that I would talk about a broken bone works. Instead of "well ok so I have anxiety and that makes it tricky and scary to do X, Y and Z" I replace it with the bonebreak-style of "The anxiety makes it impossible for me to do X, Y and Z currently". No need to make excuses for an illness or blanket the statement in excuses and softer language.
Talk to your friends, try to push the emotional bit, and see which of them feel open to talking about it. Having intellectually challenging and engaging conversations is obviously valuable to you (which is awesome) - but having that one friend that you, perhaps two beers in, can say "I love you" to is just amazing. Tbh I wish I had known how relevant that was when I was younger.
(I once texted a friend with a bit naughty text ment to my husband, which was embarressing of course - but loved his reply "errr I love you too man, but platonically :)" )
EDIT: I want to add a Terry Pratchett thing, where Granny Weatherwax says about illness "If you treat an illness like a friend it will never leave" which I really like. Your depression isn't YOU. My anxiety and agoraphobia isn't ME. The way to get my anxiety to leave is to challenge it, divorce it from me. Pushing myself every now and then to go outside in to crowds etc. Instead of talking about "me having this problem" I tend to describe it as something else invading me. Like "My brain has become an idiot" (which is basically what anxiety is - the brain have taught itself to be stupid)
Also I wanna just say more shit you probably already know: this depression is not forever. Its temporary. Its not you. It will pass. You rock.
I was giving a similar analogy to my significant other the other day. As I said in a separate post, I am bipolar. My SO's brother has a mental disorder (in opposition to a mental illness). It can get frustrating, not only for the individual to cope with mental illness' and disorders, but it can also be difficult to the people around us. To try and make the analogy so he could understand better, I tried to compare my mental illness/ other's mental illnesses/disorders to a person who needs a wheelchair to get around. They can live lives just as others do (at least in more developed countries where there are ADA laws), it's just that the typical system is set up for "normalcy", so people outside that "normalcy" would have to work harder to get to the same place. You wouldn't push a person who requires a wheelchair to get around to walk. And you wouldn't get frustrated at them if they couldn't. It's a reality.
It's like that saying "Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." Don't beat yourself too hard for liking to play vid games or for taking x amount of time on your degree. You're learning, right? .. yeah, idk.
When my wife was very depressed, one of the few things she actually enjoyed doing was gardening. For her, it was something she could do that had a positive result. She put seeds in the ground and watered them when she thought about it, and then there were green beans and strawberries to eat. Each day the seeds that she planted were bigger. She was doing a small concrete thing that mattered, even if it only mattered to that plant. Even if the world wouldn't change, even if she couldn't change, that plant changed. It grew. And it grew because of her.
I don't know how much it helped in any grand sense, but it was something that made her happy sometimes, and it brought sun and exercise and fresh produce that wouldn't have otherwise happened.
Bro, come at me! Let's talk about it.
I straight up have it dawg.
I'm bipolar and I'd say there's more lows than highs for me. And with the lows comes rage too. Ooo... that rage is so blind man. it's weird. i have to stop myself and be like "why am i so angry?" i don't want to make this a thing where i need to explain the diagnosis. alli can say is, it can get exhausting to keep up with the emotions and it definitely effects interpersonal relationships (because it can get pretty unstable and its hard for ppl to navigate - or maybe something else, idk).
What my low is about now [Cuz there's always a reason eye roll. (I get tired of my own shit sometimes, please excuse me)]: I recently moved mixed with COVID. I tend to get my energy from my surroundings and I haven't been able to explore the surroundings since I am so new here [at first, it was the winter, when no one goes out. now it's COVID, and no one goes out. also, I'm weirdly convinced ppl here (where i moved) are miserable]... had a lot of resentment. Threw that all on my hubby. It still effects our relationship. I try and do some PR while still helping myself, but also feeling like I can't do anything myself, but I still need to fight through this (although sometimes I feel like I'm fighting when I should be going with the flow, and hence hurt myself more, it's weird)...
(so many parenthesis)
bleh. depression. i can go on and on, am i right? like, really. this, for me, can turn into a self-sabotaging spiral.
"But what about the positives, can we focus on that?" Sure can! See below:
I got a new therapist and she is great! AND i know most of the work still needs to come from me. She suggested "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance" by Jeffrey Brantley, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Matthew McKay. I'm still working through it. There are some parts I'm scared of passing because I'm trying to protect my inner child (i think). This post will make me open it back up again. I think I'm ready to take the next step. Thank you for reaching out.
Like I said. Come at me bro! I'm all for the speaky speak. Just an FYI - I'm pretty annoying.
I honestly don't know if what causes me to not interact with more people is personality or disease. Honestly, as I said in the original post, I spend so much time locked into brain fog that I have no idea what to do. Even being with friends seems kind of dull or too much hassle (specially now with COVID-19). Although I am quite weak in interpersonal relationships, I do like meeting new people. Before the pandemic I would go to random meetups just to introduce randomness/chaos into my life. Going alone is a bit scary but I've done it before. Now I just go with my girlfriend but I still make the effort to go talk to people and not just be comfortable talking with my gf.
I'm currently reading The Noonday Demon from Andrew Solomon. After many failed attempts I am now realizing that for me to be engaged with a book I need to take notes and act on things in said book. Yes sometimes I might check the occasional economics book but now I think I'm going to focus more on books that can have a very direct impact in my life. The Solomon book is good because it shows you the perspective of others (you feel less of a failure if you know other people have struggles similar to yours. It also talks about a bunch of treatments for depression, some of which i've either never heard of or head very little. Going to mention them to my psychiatrist. As long as the (potential) downside is low, I don't see a reason not to try it.
On the book you mentioned, the title itself scares me lol. It seems so complicated. And I do have to limit the amount of things I do or I just do everything super "half-assed".
Lol, I think my bf is reading that book. Dang, life is just so intertwined, or maybe I'm just seeking ppl that are like myself (I prefer the former, it makes life a bit more magical). I've watched a TEDTalk by Solomon and he is absolutely amazing. I'm going to hold off on reading his book though until I'm ready. Judging by his TEDTalk, I find that a lot of my experiences coincide with Solomon's and I don't want to get triggered. I like the exercises in the book I've mentioned because it encourages me to take action rather than sit with my own thoughts. To each their own and everyone's on their own path. I respect your process.
When I was first diagnosed, I went to meetings at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Most of the time they were great because I could just talk as myself and didn't feel like a freak. One time a "normy" came (she came b/c she wanted to understand why her bipolar husband cheated on her who was essentially manic at the time. It was hard because they also just had a baby). It was so interesting because finally the "normy" was the minority and everyone else in the room knew what was going on (as opposed to the opposite where the ones with the mental illness are the outsider). We unfortunately weren't able to explain it to her though. And we also knew that we couldn't help him or her, that if he wanted help he'd have to seek it himself.
Anywho, that was just a "cool story, bro" moment.
I get what you're saying with the friendship stuff. Anyone who's been depressed/is depressed knows what you're talking about. It's like "this is pointless. who are we kidding, we aren't really connecting" or something similar.
I'm only saying this because I cycle in and out of my lows, and it happens so frequently (it's exhausting, but I know when I'm in it that it'll end, because it always has in the past. And I also know that I was happy at one point in the past and that it's possible for me to be happy). But during one of my lows a couple of years back, I analyzed and reanalyzed (as one does), and learned that depression feeds itself. It does things to allow it to perpetuate/ take over you. Friends/going out seem pointless at the time. Doing things seem like so much energy and also useless. But not going out/doing those things fuels depression. It's weird. Idk how to explain it (side track: I smoked a lot of weed and killed a lot of my brain cells).
Going back to you, I'm glad Solomon's book is helping/ comforting.
On the half-assed comment: There's no judgements here. Isn't life about doing everything "half-assed" anyway? Who's perfect? Who can do 1 thing perfectly? It's not sustainable. Also, what's perfect anyway? Do we (humanity) know everything there is to know about any 1 thing? Nah. At least not that I know of... Do what's best for you and nourishes you the most. You know you best.
"I like the exercises in the book I've mentioned because it encourages me to take action rather than sit with my own thoughts". I've downloaded the book to give it a try. I do suffer from being too much inside my own head.
Yesterday I met up with a friend for the first time in a while. It was a good distraction and thankfully we ended up talking about the video games we are playing and not about some more serious topics.
I had depression from the time I was around 13, but I also had a bit of what I like to refer to as "Shitty Life Syndrome" around that time as well that definitely did not help. The situation got better in my early 20s but I wouldn't say I really got a handle on the depression itself until years after that. I consider it mostly managed now with just the occasional relapse; I am 32.
I am not on medication. This isn't to say that medication is bad, but I did not think it was for me. (EDIT: Though I do take shrooms occasionally as self-medication... we're talking maybe once a year in terms of frequency.)
I struggled a lot I think because depression felt logical to me at the time. It seemed like cynicism was automatically the more correct approach to every situation, and any positive news or optimistic take was a lie meant to protect peoples' feelings from the "ugly truth". But that kind of cynicism was self-indulgent too, in a perverse kind of way. Even if negative things do happen, despair isn't necessarily the first thing you should be reaching for.
I also learned about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, which helps me a lot through relapses. (I think its techniques can probably be self-taught, but of course therapy would be great if you can get it.) The main thing I got from it is that it's way easier to change your actions than it is to change your feelings, so start with the actions and don't worry about "addressing" the feelings - that's a huge task and you can save it for when you have more energy. Focus on managing the surface-level symptoms, like the impulse to stay in bed all day. Even if the effect isn't immediate - getting out of bed and showering isn't going to cure depression - at least it's something. It's like exercise for your mental health, same as jogging is exercise for your physical health. It's incremental, sometimes so small that you won't notice it except in retrospect, but over time you will build up resilience.
It's hard but it's worth the effort. Sounds like you're already making some progress and making some good choices.
I was diagnosed with depression years ago. But since then, I have made many changes in my life and as a result I don't need drugs or therapy to deal with it. I would like to say that I am cured of it, but in reality the symptoms keep resurfacing every once in a while.
Personally speaking, being able to take charge of my life is what helped me take control of my depression. I made major changes - I moved to a new state, cut out some frankly poisonous people out of my life, and started working on me. Of course, it was hard at first. It took a long time for me to even understand who I was as a person.
So what I would recommend if you're looking for some help is to work on some long-term project. I know it can be hard to find the motivation when you are depressed, but it seems to work pretty well. Some things that help it work is if the project will have tangible benefits for you (even if it's just for fun), and if you have someone else working on it with you. Both of those will help give you motivation to continue when you are having bad days.
I (and the people who have treated me) believe my situation differs from yours. My depression seems to not be rooted (or if it is, the link is weak) with my life situation. Yes I did have some fucked up mental processes that I have since improved on and keep improving. Therapy helped a lot with that, specially in the beginning.
I find it very hard to stick with anything long-term. I might be ecstatic about a topic for a week and then my interest disappears, I stop "working" on it and by the time I get interested again, I forgot (another symptom of depression) most of what I did and have to start from 0.
However I have been working on my degree for 1,5 years now. I failed 4 classes in the first year but already passed 2 of them this year. I started doing my Thesis but I had to put that on the back burner for now due to classes.
I don't know if gaming can be considered a "long-term project" but I've been playing the same game for months now and I do play towards various in-game goals alongside my girlfriend. However, some days I just can't play because everything seems dull and it almost hurts to do so.
While we may not be experiencing the exact same thing, but I still stand by my suggestion since I have seen it work for people who think the same way as you do. I should have mentioned that I knew it would be a hard ask, and may even be painful at times, but accomplishing that goal is going to help you more than you can see right now.
You've already got a long term goal with your degree. And while it's not the ideal type of project for this, it's one you are clearly dedicated to. You just have to keep fighting the good fight.
Your game time sounds like valuable bonding time with your girlfriend. I'd say to keep that up as well.
I was never actually diagnosed, but I had a fairly long period (months) of what I, as a medical layperson, would have called depression. I don't have any silver bullets, but I think it helped a lot to remove or change major stressors in my life, so see if you can do that. Whether that means changing locale, changing acquaintances, changing jobs, or moving out of your current residence.
One minor tip: Take care with body weight exercises. Personally, I recommend against them for beginners or people that have been out of shape for a while. Here's why: Your body weight is (practically speaking) a fixed number, and you can only really adjust resistance or workload by changing angles or distances. For example, doing pushups from your knees instead of your feet. For the majority of not-that-fit people, body weight is too much resistance; too much to be safe (i.e. avoid strain and injury), and in most cases too much to succeed with. It's much better to work with free weights, because you can select a very specific working weight for a given exercise, then scale up with fine granularity as your body gets more fit and the strength of the target muscle group increases. With free weights, you can start [very] small, which will be both safe and achievable. So-called "easy wins".
And, in the context of depression, I think it's significant to contrast: the low-hanging fruit of the deliberately chosen amount of resistance with free weights versus the high chance of failing you might have with body weight exercises. Quick wins will probably help combat the depression, whereas prolonged lack of success would probably worsen it.
Anyway, I hope things get better for you. Keep reaching out for personal contact like this. I think it'll help. If you think it'll help to DM me, feel free.
was diagnosed with clinical depression in my early thirties. spent a couple of years on SSRIs, but decided to wean off meds when symptoms started reappearing. talk therapy did not help, but cannabis did, as well as regular physical and breathing exercises. can highly recommend william styron's darkness visible, a memoir about living with depression. a decade later i am starting to think depression never really goes away, but one can learn how to manage it. good luck.
Interesting. I would not rule out trying cannabis. However given the amount of meds I'm already, I don't think I want to risk trying cannabis. I've had a few panic attacks before and I realized how dangerous it is to mess with your brain (I had the attacks after a night of heavy drinking). Plus I suck at smoking so I would probably prefer to eat the cannabis but I heard you have to be really careful with that because of the dosage.
you’re right. i was lucky that it worked for me, especially in noticing how its effects eased my daily anxiety attacks. good luck and please reach out if you need someone to chat with.
There's a psychological concept called "activation". A simplified explanation is "depression cuts you off from your activities, and being cut off from your activities intensifies your depression. So, as your medication and therapy takes effect we also need to focus on getting you more involved with your activities. This will start gently and ramp up. The more activity you do the easier it is, because it's helping treat your depression and it's helping you establish those routines".
Some things that may help:
Keep a very brief diary of your successes. This should be one sentence per day. And those successes don't have to be the big things, you should include the small stuff too.
As you start to increase your activity remember that it's okay to start small. Sometimes people with severe depression lose track of household chores and they end up living in a very untidy home. They then become overwhelmed by the thought of tidying. Something that may help is to take one small bag (like a carrier bag used for grocery shopping) and fill that with rubbish, and then stop. Break the task down into tiny increments. Do one of these per day. So, one small bag of rubbish per day. Wash one plate. Try to build a routine of this, and make sure to include rewards into the routine. Split each day into three - morning, afternoon, everything else. Then put one activity per day, with some of those being rewards. As you start doing more stuff, and feel able to do more, build more activity in. You might find that as your ability to work increases you find that you do more. So, you'll have the intention of washing a few dishes and you find that you put away all the clean crockery and wash the dirty dishes and then clean the sink.
But please do remember that recovery is personal. Things that work for one person may not work for another person. And some people have a rapid recovery while others have a recovery that's slower and bumpier.
Good luck!!
A week or two ago I started writing a list of all the things I do/own and what I should change or look into to improve myself. Then I ordered that list from most to least important.
I came to the easy conclusion that I need to exercise more and I need to be more proactive with regards to my mental health issues (I also deliberately decided to only focus on 2 topics because I know that more than that and I get overwhelmed). The later brought me here to write the original post. I am also (slowly) reading a book about depression to try to find some nuggets of knowledge that can help me.
Of course these 2 objectives have to be pursued on top of other things I have to do, specially school. I have been having some success with the exercising by doing some instead of non. But overall I do think i need to break these 2 into smaller pieces if I am to significantly improve. But I probably need more time to think through them. The more time you spend on something the more you understand it. Right now I think I am at a very rudimentary level on both. I need more experience and exposure.
I used to write about write about my day daily but I gave up on that when I was in a rut. Plus I think it I was too harsh on myself and it wasn't helping. And I do have to keep in mind that for me, everything is harder than for most people. If I add journaling to my day, it's one more piece of an unstable structure. There are days where I just can't seem to do anything that requires effort.
A lot of people I know with MH issues benefit a lot fro 12 step recovery meetings, because there is such a strong focus on fellowship and ending isolation. And now is a super good time to explore some of the more niche fellowships because they’re all on zoom. I’m in aca (awesome if there is childhood trauma in your story), but there are lots to choose from. There’s even refuge recovery, which is a buddhist version. Most “open” meetings will accomodate anyone, but alanon has really broad welcome: you belong if you know anyone who is an alcoholic or addict of any kind (and if you live in America, you do).
Thanks for the share! I feel like there are similarities between a 12 step recovery and coping/recovering from a mental illness/disorder. I wonder if theirs like a recovery program for people with mental health issues rather than going about it alone/ one-on-one with a therapist.
I suffer from depression and anxiety and have done for many, many years. Always happy to talk and help where I can.
Do you suffer from constant paralysis, not knowing what to do or being bored of everything? These are the things that I'm struggling more with right now.
Depression or not, I think everyone suffers of this from time to time.
Excessive apathy towards all things, however, is often the way I first recognize that I am depressed. When I was younger I spent a lot of time sad, crying, etc. As I've grown older less time is actually spent in a bad mood, but more time is spent just entirely uninterested in doing anything.
When I'm feeling particularly bored of things, I like to force myself to go outside and take a walk. Often walking for 30 minutes to an hour while listening to a podcast is a good reset for my brain. I will typically have a renewed vigor for something when I get back, but even if I don't do anything else when I get home, I feel like I accomplished something concrete that was good for my health.
I don't walk more because I live in the suburbs and honestly it is boring to walk around here. But I've been listening to the podcast of a guy I recently discovered (Luke Smith), while doing chores and physical exercise. Sometimes I do walk to the nearby town but then I end up eating a piece of cake or something so it kind of defeats the walking =p
If it keeps your mind off negative thoughts and keeps you busy for some time I'd say it doesn't defeat the purpose!
I don't suffer paralysis but when I am in a bad space such as I am now, I have no interest in anything or anyone. All I want to do is drink and sit in front of the TV.
I know what my triggers are but unfortunately one of the major triggers is work. I can't escape it, I am trapped. Stress for me leads to depression and depression leads to dark places. It takes a supreme effort to get out of the rut.
I came off my medication about six months ago and I had been in a relatively good mental space but I can feel myself slowly spiraling. It doesn't help that there are some absolute cunts I work with who make life a misery through their pathetic and childish antics.
Anyway, I personally find talking to someone helps, I have a very good counselor that is amazing but it is very expensive per session so I can't go very often. This guys is very good at talking through and getting to the root of the issue. Finding the right person though can be tough, opening up and talking can be tougher.
A couple years back I was in a very, very dark place...so dark for the first time thoughts of suicide were creeping up. I managed to get in with this guy and he brought me to an epiphany ( I think it was our sixth session). I walked into that meeting walking under a personal cloud of darkness and depression and walked out walking on the clouds. That moment is right there with the birth of my kids as far as important moments in my life goes.
If you need to talk and would like my email address you are more than welcome to email me. Maybe talking to you will help myself?
Keep strong, and I'm giving advice I need to take myself. Focus on the good, try and enjoy your hobbies and family. Embrace the ones that love you and that you love. Pick a favourite thing to do and make time to do it (for me it is cooking my kids their favourite meals). Go for a walk, exercise the body. It helps.
PM me here if you would like to talk further.
I've been kind of putting this off since my MO for problem solving is to convince myself everything is manageable and conciquences can be avoided, but that playbook doesn't really work with mental health (or much of anything, really). What I've been trying so far is the idea of radical acceptances that there are a whole lot of things I can't really control right now, and that's okay. I can try my best to poke at levers of change, or to better myself and society and the hellhole we have all collectively stumbled upon together, but for the vast amount of things that are out of our hands, they are out of our hands. And sometimes, that's your outlook. You might not be happy today, but you might feel better if you accept and embrace it as a part of you.
Thanks for replying =). For the the depression doesn't seem to make me that sad anymore. However, the paralysis and general apathy do make me feel bad. It makes me think I'm the most boring person ever. I have all the time in the world and I have such a hard time feeling it up. What a brain dead fool.
Of course this is not true, I just have to figure out how to cope with this issues. I'm going to start playing Persona 5 soon. It seems both relaxing and not too demanding. Plus I can tell my brain I do have interests and hobbies, and feel less bad about it all.
Yeah, I'm right now poking away at the Nickelodeon Writer Fellowship because it's a contest, I can put my mind towards a goal, and it's due by a certain time, but if I don't get it done, it's not that big a deal to be honest. I just have to work on it, and because I'm writing, I get to call myself a writer.
If you want to entertain yourself without being productive for a little bit, a lot of people do that. Entertainment shouldn't be homework, so there's no real need to feel like you're behind.
Bro, just checking in.
How r u doing?
Hi, thanking for reaching out =).
Yesterday I had a very productive and constructive day. Today I woke up a bit too early and I feel very jaded. Drinking my black tea to see if it helps before I take my morning meds (once I take them I know I can't go back to sleep.).