I became a dad this year and have really enjoyed it. But finding the time to do anything outside of “sit on couch” when baby is asleep or “keep baby alive” when baby is awake is tough. I wrote a...
I became a dad this year and have really enjoyed it. But finding the time to do anything outside of “sit on couch” when baby is asleep or “keep baby alive” when baby is awake is tough.
I wrote a bit about my experience in my blog that I’m desperately trying to keep alive… spoiler alert I end up talking about my blog in my blog because I’m a boring a**.
How has it been for you guys ?
I had met people before who were like “don’t have kids…” but now I think they are kinda crazy…
It's really hard to appreciate the challenges of being a parent until you become one. Sleep deprivation is one thing, but doing it while caring for a tiny human is a whole other. It's demanding...
It's really hard to appreciate the challenges of being a parent until you become one. Sleep deprivation is one thing, but doing it while caring for a tiny human is a whole other. It's demanding and comes with a slew of self-doubt. Why are they doing that? Are they hurt? What am I doing wrong? Don't get me started on the "they're asleep, oh no, what if they stop breathing... I should check."
I guess what I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up. You have new priorities and they are all-consuming at present. It gets better (and worse) but you'll find you have more time in the months and years to come. You've taken on a new challenge and it's going to be rocky at first, but there's established history of humans pulling through so I like your odds.
Having kids changes you. You're going to have periods of tremendous joy, unmitigated frustration, and deep confusion. You're going to watch them do things you do and be both elated and terrified. You're going to watch them develop their own personalities and you'll be amazed at both their intelligence, and their stupidity. Congratulations, your life is different now!
You'll get there, wherever there is and whatever it looks like, you'll get there. Sometimes you just need to hear someone say as much.
I think it's important to remember that this period of time is temporary. They'll only be infants for so long until they are toddlers, then little kids, then big kids, then teenagers, etc. What...
I think it's important to remember that this period of time is temporary. They'll only be infants for so long until they are toddlers, then little kids, then big kids, then teenagers, etc. What I'm saying is that, in 15 to 20 years, they probably won't need your constant attention and you will have time again for the things you enjoyed before parenthood.
So if you ever miss your pre-parenthood pastimes, just remind yourself that you'll be able to get back to them in just another 2 to 3 decades, depending on whether or not you have other children along the way.
In seriousness, though, parents who make no sacrifices for the sake of their children are not always remembered fondly by them upon reaching adulthood. The sacrifices we make for those we love are the signs of the sincerity of our love, without which our love is meaningless in their life. They are the standards by which we ask them to reciprocate the love we have for them, and, though you might not always feel it right now, the heartfelt love of ones child is one of the most beautiful experiences that life has to offer.
If the bargain is that you lose your blog and gain the love of your child, you have benefitted immesurably.
In the framing in my head I've tried to avoid the concept of sacrifices. The way I look at it is that parenting is just what I'm doing at the moment, just like I went to the pub a lot when I was...
In the framing in my head I've tried to avoid the concept of sacrifices. The way I look at it is that parenting is just what I'm doing at the moment, just like I went to the pub a lot when I was younger. It's not a burden, it's just different, and like anything it'll change and then kind of end (ish).
I've found that framing helpful. It puts parenting more in the category of a job I quite enjoy but which has hard bits, rather than something I need to be stoic about. I quite enjoy many or even most bits of parenting without having to try very hard, ymmv obviously, but I think mindset is part of why.
Totally crazy -- kids aren't for everyone, but if you have even the faintest interest in being a parent and have the tenacity to keep up, it's the sort of experience that you willingly wrap your...
Totally crazy -- kids aren't for everyone, but if you have even the faintest interest in being a parent and have the tenacity to keep up, it's the sort of experience that you willingly wrap your entire life around.
I'm a dad to a 2.5 year old and I (we) love her to bits. The whole extended family does.
I would not let yourself feel too much guilt about how often you update your blog. Parenthood is a weird, all-consuming hobby (of sorts) that will dominate your life for a while. However, if...
I would not let yourself feel too much guilt about how often you update your blog. Parenthood is a weird, all-consuming hobby (of sorts) that will dominate your life for a while.
However, if blogging is one of the most important things in your life, I would recommend priotizing it in your limited free time. Keeping a few avenues of personal interest alive helps avoid burnout and helps you stay a well-rounded person for your little one.
One of the things my partner and I prioritize is giving each other time off for our hobbies. It’s renuvenating and our child likes learning about our hobbies as they age. Imagine a future where you write a blog in parallel with your child—it could happen!
I recommend making a journal of the funny/sweet things that happen. Record them as close in time to the event as you can, because even later the same day, I would lose the details. Maybe you blog...
I recommend making a journal of the funny/sweet things that happen. Record them as close in time to the event as you can, because even later the same day, I would lose the details.
Maybe you blog them, maybe you don't. But you will have them to look back and reflection on and share them with your child when they are older.
Mine has an entry from day 4 of being home from the hospital that says "We may never eat warm food again."
When I got married, my mom gave me the journal she had from my first year. It is pretty special to me.
For the first child I started a baby quotes file. But it only comes into play once they start talking. For the second I also started a milestones file, containing things like first time sticking...
For the first child I started a baby quotes file. But it only comes into play once they start talking. For the second I also started a milestones file, containing things like first time sticking hand in mouth, studying hands while feeding, rolling over, specific consonant sounds.
Two of my favorites: During potty training, she was sitting on the toilet going to the bathroom, and she twisted all the way around to look into the toilet (oh to be so flexible), then said, "I've...
Two of my favorites:
During potty training, she was sitting on the toilet going to the bathroom, and she twisted all the way around to look into the toilet (oh to be so flexible), then said, "I've got skills."
Once I took her with me to drop some things off for a food pantry. Normally when we are there it is during the distribution, and there are snacks. But it was just the middle of the day. She said, "I want a snack, Daddy." And I told her, "I'm sorry I don't have any snacks for you." She asked several more times, getting more and more insistent. I apologize to her and said, "I'm sorry. I just don't have a snack for you right now." She was really angry by this point. She was looking for a way to lash out, so she stomped here foot and shouted at me, "You ... You ... SILLY GOOSE!"
It kills me every time I think about it that was the worst insult she could think of.
How old is your baby? My wife and I are at 7 months and we're feeling the personal time pinch. It's really hard to feel like you're just working, seeing your kid for like 1-2 hours, and then...
How old is your baby? My wife and I are at 7 months and we're feeling the personal time pinch. It's really hard to feel like you're just working, seeing your kid for like 1-2 hours, and then cleaning/making food and going to bed. I'm being a bit dramatic but I feel like I'm becoming a little husk of myself.
Last week we started being really strict about ensuring we both got out of the house at a minimum of an hour every other day. I get in a swim, my wife goes to yoga, but mostly it's still the couch. I know everyone goes through this, but I'd be curious for the more neurodivergent among us, how did you handle the steep dropoff in exercise and endorphins? I was really good about managing my mood and ADHD symptoms with exercise and it's been a bit of a slog. Like everyone else here, I love my son, I want to show up and participate as much as possible, and I'd love to sure out how to do so without losing myself. Does it ease up at some point?
Sorry for the rant but you're blog spoke to something in me and I just needed a little vent :)
She’s 8m! for us a big shift was putting her in her own room - it seemed to magically flip the “everyone gets more sleep” button almost immediately. This in turn made our relationship better...
She’s 8m! for us a big shift was putting her in her own room - it seemed to magically flip the “everyone gets more sleep” button almost immediately. This in turn made our relationship better because we were kinda just running on empty for a long while. I don’t think there’s any universal solution though, for months we were like “are we doing something wrong ?”, then she started sleeping better and our lives improved dramatically.
I work from home so I get to see my baby during the day. I feel really lucky, it’s great being able to come down and eat lunch with both (though baby mostly smushes food around her face). The amount of time it takes now to feed her 3 times a day and clean up is crazy and I’m 100% empathetic on the time pinch in the evenings, it goes from 5-10pm super quick.
Regarding drop off on exercise, I try to keep active - in the early days there was a lot of early morning walks with the baby. Now wife and I make time similar to what you’ve described. Not exactly bookkeeping but just making sure the other has space to be a human adult without the parent label.
R.e. Endorphins - it can be tough, I’m not sure I’ve got a good answer for you other than sometimes it sucks and you just gotta tell yourself it’ll pass. Whenever I feel shitty I try and find some project to pour myself into for an evening (or a few evenings). I usually find (regardless of success of said project) that I feel better after a few days… but again everyone’s different.
Keep it up man, it’s not easy (and its hard in ways I didn’t realise it would be), try and find time for you, support your other half as best you can, and remember the golden rule “keep baby alive”. You got this!
With our first, she slept in her own room from day one, and always has. With our second (4 years younger), she slept in our small room, crib basically right up to the bed. This was because we...
With our first, she slept in her own room from day one, and always has. With our second (4 years younger), she slept in our small room, crib basically right up to the bed. This was because we didn't want to burden the 4 year old with a baby in her room. But at about 13 months we put them in the same room (again, small) and suddenly everything got much better.
There is a lot of nuance with these experiences, of course it depends on the baby, the house, the siblings, the pets, the air temperature, cultural expectations, etc. But keeping sleeping babies in another room is great. For us, with a 800 sq ft house, the two bedrooms sharing a wall, we could still hear basically every little noise, but it felt so good to be able to turn a light on or get into bed without worrying about the rustling of sheets waking the baby.
Two thoughts, 1) I dislike nothing more than people who become parents than act like people who do not want or dislike young children are insane. I would have a second child in an instant IF they...
Two thoughts, 1) I dislike nothing more than people who become parents than act like people who do not want or dislike young children are insane. I would have a second child in an instant IF they could start at one years old. The newborn to infant stage is absolutely horrible and calling them cherubs is hilarious. They are a screaming, crying, pooping, never ending soulsucking machines that give you nothing back until one to two years old. They do then become the cutest thing ever. Saying people are crazy because they do not want to deal with no sleep for half a year to a year along with all the other BS is just coping I feel. I know this because I lived it.
You are not supposed to have time to blog during early parenthood. If you did that would mean you are choosing a side hobby over your partner. It becomes much easier after a year.
Well more baby cuddles for me then. Certainly wasn't my experience. Good. I want my partner sane and to have a life outside the partnership. That's even more important when there's an infant...
The newborn to infant stage is absolutely horrible and calling them cherubs is hilarious
Well more baby cuddles for me then. Certainly wasn't my experience.
If you did that would mean you are choosing a side hobby over your partner
Good. I want my partner sane and to have a life outside the partnership. That's even more important when there's an infant demanding their attention the rest of the time.
I completely disagree. The first year is absolutely unbelievably exhausting - but it is also filled with the most incredible change and forward momentum as the baby grows and develops. It's not...
I completely disagree. The first year is absolutely unbelievably exhausting - but it is also filled with the most incredible change and forward momentum as the baby grows and develops. It's not just the parents who are busy doing things during that year.
I will never (ever) understand how some people say they are bored being at home with an infant. That first year was one of the most rewarding with each of our kids, because every single day was a new adventure in terms of personality development and skills acquisition.
Depending on what sort of sleeper you are, I'd recommend half caf coffee after kiddo goes to bed. That, or take a walk outside and think about what a blog would be. If you can't get away from the...
Depending on what sort of sleeper you are, I'd recommend half caf coffee after kiddo goes to bed. That, or take a walk outside and think about what a blog would be.
If you can't get away from the house once baby is sleeping, treadmill desks are a great way to get the mind and body working together. I live by mine
Others have already given so much advice and wisdom about living life with little ones. To add my two cents, I will just say that having a nice way to capture ideas, explore curiosities, and...
Others have already given so much advice and wisdom about living life with little ones. To add my two cents, I will just say that having a nice way to capture ideas, explore curiosities, and manage your thoughts is helpful for any kind of writing. It is especially helpful when you have little kids and cannot focus on writing regularly and for extended periods of time. I have tried various systems and tools over the years and found that nothing is perfect. Even just making a mess of breadcrumbs for yourself later is a great way to offload the thinking from your brain to work on or discover those thoughts again later.
I became a dad this year and have really enjoyed it. But finding the time to do anything outside of “sit on couch” when baby is asleep or “keep baby alive” when baby is awake is tough.
I wrote a bit about my experience in my blog that I’m desperately trying to keep alive… spoiler alert I end up talking about my blog in my blog because I’m a boring a**.
How has it been for you guys ?
I had met people before who were like “don’t have kids…” but now I think they are kinda crazy…
It's really hard to appreciate the challenges of being a parent until you become one. Sleep deprivation is one thing, but doing it while caring for a tiny human is a whole other. It's demanding and comes with a slew of self-doubt. Why are they doing that? Are they hurt? What am I doing wrong? Don't get me started on the "they're asleep, oh no, what if they stop breathing... I should check."
I guess what I'm saying is, don't beat yourself up. You have new priorities and they are all-consuming at present. It gets better (and worse) but you'll find you have more time in the months and years to come. You've taken on a new challenge and it's going to be rocky at first, but there's established history of humans pulling through so I like your odds.
Having kids changes you. You're going to have periods of tremendous joy, unmitigated frustration, and deep confusion. You're going to watch them do things you do and be both elated and terrified. You're going to watch them develop their own personalities and you'll be amazed at both their intelligence, and their stupidity. Congratulations, your life is different now!
You'll get there, wherever there is and whatever it looks like, you'll get there. Sometimes you just need to hear someone say as much.
You got this, Dad.
This is amazing! Very well put ;)
I think it's important to remember that this period of time is temporary. They'll only be infants for so long until they are toddlers, then little kids, then big kids, then teenagers, etc. What I'm saying is that, in 15 to 20 years, they probably won't need your constant attention and you will have time again for the things you enjoyed before parenthood.
So if you ever miss your pre-parenthood pastimes, just remind yourself that you'll be able to get back to them in just another 2 to 3 decades, depending on whether or not you have other children along the way.
In seriousness, though, parents who make no sacrifices for the sake of their children are not always remembered fondly by them upon reaching adulthood. The sacrifices we make for those we love are the signs of the sincerity of our love, without which our love is meaningless in their life. They are the standards by which we ask them to reciprocate the love we have for them, and, though you might not always feel it right now, the heartfelt love of ones child is one of the most beautiful experiences that life has to offer.
If the bargain is that you lose your blog and gain the love of your child, you have benefitted immesurably.
In the framing in my head I've tried to avoid the concept of sacrifices. The way I look at it is that parenting is just what I'm doing at the moment, just like I went to the pub a lot when I was younger. It's not a burden, it's just different, and like anything it'll change and then kind of end (ish).
I've found that framing helpful. It puts parenting more in the category of a job I quite enjoy but which has hard bits, rather than something I need to be stoic about. I quite enjoy many or even most bits of parenting without having to try very hard, ymmv obviously, but I think mindset is part of why.
Totally crazy -- kids aren't for everyone, but if you have even the faintest interest in being a parent and have the tenacity to keep up, it's the sort of experience that you willingly wrap your entire life around.
I'm a dad to a 2.5 year old and I (we) love her to bits. The whole extended family does.
I would not let yourself feel too much guilt about how often you update your blog. Parenthood is a weird, all-consuming hobby (of sorts) that will dominate your life for a while.
However, if blogging is one of the most important things in your life, I would recommend priotizing it in your limited free time. Keeping a few avenues of personal interest alive helps avoid burnout and helps you stay a well-rounded person for your little one.
One of the things my partner and I prioritize is giving each other time off for our hobbies. It’s renuvenating and our child likes learning about our hobbies as they age. Imagine a future where you write a blog in parallel with your child—it could happen!
I recommend making a journal of the funny/sweet things that happen. Record them as close in time to the event as you can, because even later the same day, I would lose the details.
Maybe you blog them, maybe you don't. But you will have them to look back and reflection on and share them with your child when they are older.
Mine has an entry from day 4 of being home from the hospital that says "We may never eat warm food again."
When I got married, my mom gave me the journal she had from my first year. It is pretty special to me.
For the first child I started a baby quotes file. But it only comes into play once they start talking. For the second I also started a milestones file, containing things like first time sticking hand in mouth, studying hands while feeding, rolling over, specific consonant sounds.
Two of my favorites:
During potty training, she was sitting on the toilet going to the bathroom, and she twisted all the way around to look into the toilet (oh to be so flexible), then said, "I've got skills."
Once I took her with me to drop some things off for a food pantry. Normally when we are there it is during the distribution, and there are snacks. But it was just the middle of the day. She said, "I want a snack, Daddy." And I told her, "I'm sorry I don't have any snacks for you." She asked several more times, getting more and more insistent. I apologize to her and said, "I'm sorry. I just don't have a snack for you right now." She was really angry by this point. She was looking for a way to lash out, so she stomped here foot and shouted at me, "You ... You ... SILLY GOOSE!"
It kills me every time I think about it that was the worst insult she could think of.
I'm an at-home dad, and I have been blogging about playground design. Because that is what I've become an "expert" in through daily experience.
How old is your baby? My wife and I are at 7 months and we're feeling the personal time pinch. It's really hard to feel like you're just working, seeing your kid for like 1-2 hours, and then cleaning/making food and going to bed. I'm being a bit dramatic but I feel like I'm becoming a little husk of myself.
Last week we started being really strict about ensuring we both got out of the house at a minimum of an hour every other day. I get in a swim, my wife goes to yoga, but mostly it's still the couch. I know everyone goes through this, but I'd be curious for the more neurodivergent among us, how did you handle the steep dropoff in exercise and endorphins? I was really good about managing my mood and ADHD symptoms with exercise and it's been a bit of a slog. Like everyone else here, I love my son, I want to show up and participate as much as possible, and I'd love to sure out how to do so without losing myself. Does it ease up at some point?
Sorry for the rant but you're blog spoke to something in me and I just needed a little vent :)
She’s 8m! for us a big shift was putting her in her own room - it seemed to magically flip the “everyone gets more sleep” button almost immediately. This in turn made our relationship better because we were kinda just running on empty for a long while. I don’t think there’s any universal solution though, for months we were like “are we doing something wrong ?”, then she started sleeping better and our lives improved dramatically.
I work from home so I get to see my baby during the day. I feel really lucky, it’s great being able to come down and eat lunch with both (though baby mostly smushes food around her face). The amount of time it takes now to feed her 3 times a day and clean up is crazy and I’m 100% empathetic on the time pinch in the evenings, it goes from 5-10pm super quick.
Regarding drop off on exercise, I try to keep active - in the early days there was a lot of early morning walks with the baby. Now wife and I make time similar to what you’ve described. Not exactly bookkeeping but just making sure the other has space to be a human adult without the parent label.
R.e. Endorphins - it can be tough, I’m not sure I’ve got a good answer for you other than sometimes it sucks and you just gotta tell yourself it’ll pass. Whenever I feel shitty I try and find some project to pour myself into for an evening (or a few evenings). I usually find (regardless of success of said project) that I feel better after a few days… but again everyone’s different.
Keep it up man, it’s not easy (and its hard in ways I didn’t realise it would be), try and find time for you, support your other half as best you can, and remember the golden rule “keep baby alive”. You got this!
With our first, she slept in her own room from day one, and always has. With our second (4 years younger), she slept in our small room, crib basically right up to the bed. This was because we didn't want to burden the 4 year old with a baby in her room. But at about 13 months we put them in the same room (again, small) and suddenly everything got much better.
There is a lot of nuance with these experiences, of course it depends on the baby, the house, the siblings, the pets, the air temperature, cultural expectations, etc. But keeping sleeping babies in another room is great. For us, with a 800 sq ft house, the two bedrooms sharing a wall, we could still hear basically every little noise, but it felt so good to be able to turn a light on or get into bed without worrying about the rustling of sheets waking the baby.
Two thoughts, 1) I dislike nothing more than people who become parents than act like people who do not want or dislike young children are insane. I would have a second child in an instant IF they could start at one years old. The newborn to infant stage is absolutely horrible and calling them cherubs is hilarious. They are a screaming, crying, pooping, never ending soulsucking machines that give you nothing back until one to two years old. They do then become the cutest thing ever. Saying people are crazy because they do not want to deal with no sleep for half a year to a year along with all the other BS is just coping I feel. I know this because I lived it.
Well more baby cuddles for me then. Certainly wasn't my experience.
Good. I want my partner sane and to have a life outside the partnership. That's even more important when there's an infant demanding their attention the rest of the time.
Heavily disagree with (1) and to prove it I'm sitting next to my second born who was just born ten hours ago.
I completely disagree. The first year is absolutely unbelievably exhausting - but it is also filled with the most incredible change and forward momentum as the baby grows and develops. It's not just the parents who are busy doing things during that year.
I will never (ever) understand how some people say they are bored being at home with an infant. That first year was one of the most rewarding with each of our kids, because every single day was a new adventure in terms of personality development and skills acquisition.
Depending on what sort of sleeper you are, I'd recommend half caf coffee after kiddo goes to bed. That, or take a walk outside and think about what a blog would be.
If you can't get away from the house once baby is sleeping, treadmill desks are a great way to get the mind and body working together. I live by mine
Others have already given so much advice and wisdom about living life with little ones. To add my two cents, I will just say that having a nice way to capture ideas, explore curiosities, and manage your thoughts is helpful for any kind of writing. It is especially helpful when you have little kids and cannot focus on writing regularly and for extended periods of time. I have tried various systems and tools over the years and found that nothing is perfect. Even just making a mess of breadcrumbs for yourself later is a great way to offload the thinking from your brain to work on or discover those thoughts again later.