fnulare's recent activity
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Comment on What healthy habit has made a difference for you? in ~health
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Comment on I let my wife have an affair. Do I have to console her now that it’s over? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentAh, I see, well good thing that was cleared up. To me "affair" just means temporary sexual/romantic relationship.Ah, I see, well good thing that was cleared up.
To me "affair" just means temporary sexual/romantic relationship.
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Comment on I let my wife have an affair. Do I have to console her now that it’s over? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentI have a feeling that the conversation has moved away from the specifics of the article and into generalities... So I just want to nit-pick a little here, not only for the sake of it but because I...I have a feeling that the conversation has moved away from the specifics of the article and into generalities... So
I just want to nit-pick a little here, not only for the sake of it but because I think it's important that words have meaning and that we keep talking about the same things.
There are many ethical systems that can hold an extra marital affair without breaking.
Not to delve very deep into it but as one example as I understand "consensual" and "nonconsensual" are like I understand "legal" and "illegal" so that there are a lot of "not consensual/legal" actions that are not "nonconsensual/illegal".
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare LinkI'm shaking! Finally, I've managed to call a real estate agent and set up a meeting tomorrow to get help with selling my mothers apartment. I feel like I should celebrate but mostly I want to cry...I'm shaking!
Finally, I've managed to call a real estate agent and set up a meeting tomorrow to get help with selling my mothers apartment.
I feel like I should celebrate but mostly I want to cry of relief. I am going to hold it in, maybe, since my daughter is coming over soon.
<speech type="ceremonial" class="the Oscars">
I would like to thank all my friends that have tried and insisted on helping me, without you I could not have done this. I'm forever indebted to you. Thank you, I love you all!
</speech>meta
I don't really know how to use this topic. Is it better to do one top-comment and reply to it with these ventings/updates that occur during the month. Or should I keep treating each one as a new answer to the topic?To answer my own top-comment feels like a blog, but to make a new one feels like spam!
Help?!?
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentFirst of... I only work under pressure, so the only way to get things done before the panic sets in is to create extra artificial pressure. I do it by only allowing myself to do one thing or by...First of...
I only work under pressure, so the only way to get things done before the panic sets in is to create extra artificial pressure. I do it by only allowing myself to do one thing or by combining things...
So, if it where me I would:
- Prepare a space for stacking book boxes
- Get 5 book boxes
- Only pack boxes while doing the box-breathing-exercise
- Not allow myself to talk about the cat while I have an ongoing (so not yet filled, but started) book box
- only get news papers for mug-packing every 3 book boxes
Stuff like that. And especially only working on 1-3 things at a time.
No second, it appears to have been some kind of writing device ;)
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentWhat are 3 things you need to do with your move?What are 3 things you need to do with your move?
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare LinkJust a bit of venting or rather just trying to answer the question "how was your day?" or maybe "what's on your mind?" or just "how are you?". I feel quite lonely, I'm really longing for having...Just a bit of venting or rather just trying to answer the question "how was your day?" or maybe "what's on your mind?" or just "how are you?". I feel quite lonely, I'm really longing for having someone to ask me these questions and to hear their answers to "how about you?". Here are a few paragraphs about my life and day today.
I feel terrible that I can't muster up the energy to engage with this topic besides just dumping and venting my own stuff. I would like to think of myself as someone who cares about others and builds communities, but currently I'm not that person here on tildes.
Today, it's one year since my mother died. I got reminded by someone else, I would not have thought of it otherwise. It's a strange time frame for me. It feels like it was a week ago or a few years, but one year is hard to grasp for me. It's not important but something I noticed. I struggle with time, that's why I've thought to acknowledge/celebrate the solstices and equinoxes.
I've done a lot of things today, over 15, on my routine/habit list. Some old, some new (like going and practice swimming for my free-swim class & doing some strength training exercise). But I mostly think of the one thing I didn't do: chose and talk to a real estate agent to sell my mothers apartment.
I've replied to everyone that has been in contact with me and even initiated one social contact.
In 4 weeks I will have been to my first meeting in my ADHD & autism assessment. It's strange that it's finally happening; I've been waiting for almost 2 years. I'm very much looking forward to be done with it, as it has been one more thing keeping my life on hold. I do hope for some clear direction however many diagnosis they decide on. This limbo of just feeling incompetent at life and my recurring depressions is just depressing. Maybe I just have to find a way to make peace with being mediocre at best.
I'm struggling with my weight.
I'm staring at a huge whiteboard that I've gotten from an occupational therapist. It is for planning out a week, it is beautiful! I don't really understand how to transition from the current week to the next! It don't be magic, so I assume I will have to decide on a recurring time to do it. I hate recurring tasks!! Why isn't enough to brush my teeth once. Why do I have to do it every day?!?!?
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Comment on A global explosion of absurdly spicy foods in ~food
fnulare LinkI sometimes forget that I enjoy spicy food, because most people around me equate spicy with chili. And I don't like where the heat from chili lands: in the throat. But I do enjoy lots of spicy...I sometimes forget that I enjoy spicy food, because most people around me equate spicy with chili. And I don't like where the heat from chili lands: in the throat.
But I do enjoy lots of spicy things that feel hot/tingly in different parts of the mouth, tongue and nose, like: yellow mustard (nose), ginger (roof of mouth), fake wasabi aka horseradish (half nose + sides of tongue), raw garlic (whole mouth besides roof), raw onions (mostly tongue), white pepper (front of tongue + front teeth) (black pepper is for taste because if used for heat it travels a bit to close to the throat).
I recently got to experiment a little with Sichuan pepper and as many have mentioned it feels hot/numbing in the front of mouth which is nice.
Admittedly it requires a bit of effort to reach the levels of chili-hotness with my preferred ingredients and compared to "all the cool kids" my food is normally very mild, I just wanted to add that it matters where it's hot not only that it's hot.
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Comment on What are your favorite home remedies or comforts when you're sick? in ~health
fnulare Link ParentWell, not at my job... But it did happen a couple months ago when I had decided to do chores together with a friend...Well, not at my job... But it did happen a couple months ago when I had decided to do chores together with a friend...
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Comment on What are your favorite home remedies or comforts when you're sick? in ~health
fnulare LinkI quite enjoy being sick with the flu (or similar), it's the only time I can really relax, drop everything else and just be (yes, I probably should work on that). For me it is an "eat anything I...I quite enjoy being sick with the flu (or similar), it's the only time I can really relax, drop everything else and just be (yes, I probably should work on that).
For me it is an "eat anything I can imagine might be decent"-time and a time I like watching a lot of tv-series.
While I also enjoy the fever-cycle I dont like my sheets drenched in sweat, so this will be my home-remedy: clean sheets. Stock up on clean sheets (or get help washing them often), it feels so much more dignified and healthy to wrestle a fever, etc with clean sheets.
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Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life
fnulare Link ParentI'm sorry, I generally don't give out unsolicited advice, but: breath! Start with some kind of breathing exercise, I favour box-breathing, set a timer to do it at least once an hour. I say this...I'm sorry, I generally don't give out unsolicited advice, but: breath!
Start with some kind of breathing exercise, I favour box-breathing, set a timer to do it at least once an hour.
I say this because now it is happening, now you have made the decision and things are in motion-motion. Also your brother died. And custody. And somewhere to live. And anger. And confusion. And resentment. And your own feelings too. And your kids. And... Breathe! At least take one slow breath.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentPlease let me know when you figure it out! I'm almost 50 and I'm starting my assessment in a month and they seemed pretty sure after the mini-assessment that gets you in the door but we'll see ;)Please let me know when you figure it out!
I'm almost 50 and I'm starting my assessment in a month and they seemed pretty sure after the mini-assessment that gets you in the door but we'll see ;)
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Comment on Recruiter harassed me whilst off sick. Considering filing a complaint. How best to handle this? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentOh, yeah, no, I don't recommend any sleuthing, only official channels. You want the paper trail! And no misconduct from your own part. I just assumed it was there on the website.Oh, yeah, no, I don't recommend any sleuthing, only official channels.
You want the paper trail! And no misconduct from your own part.
I just assumed it was there on the website.
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Comment on Recruiter harassed me whilst off sick. Considering filing a complaint. How best to handle this? in ~life
fnulare LinkUnless you work as an organ donor I say fuck him up! No, but really, I have a hard time understanding what kind of job exclusively recruits on the day and recruits via an agency. (But then again I...Unless you work as an organ donor I say fuck him up!
No, but really, I have a hard time understanding what kind of job exclusively recruits on the day and recruits via an agency. (But then again I have very little knowledge and understanding about adulting even in my own country).
I say, you should relist yourself and at least send a message to the Ben's boss about the incident and require to only have contact with him in writing in the future (unless you're allowed to record phone calls and know how to do it).
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Comment on Looking for a specific article/tool in ~life
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Comment on Looking for a specific article/tool in ~life
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Comment on Looking for a specific article/tool in ~life
fnulare (edited )LinkIs it this comment about Obsidian by Lia? I remember it because I considered bookmarking it for future reference but then I remembered I've already decided to stick with org-mode :)Is it this comment about Obsidian by Lia?
I remember it because I considered bookmarking it for future reference but then I remembered I've already decided to stick with org-mode :)
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentI've been trying to wrap my head around this for a day and I'm sorry to say (for me, I'm sorry for me) that I just don't understand. I would like to understand. I feel that I just repeat myself...I've been trying to wrap my head around this for a day and I'm sorry to say (for me, I'm sorry for me) that I just don't understand. I would like to understand.
I feel that I just repeat myself since I can't neither express myself differently nor understand what you are saying.
My point is that privacy & openness or honesty & dishonesty can only exist if the other exists. Like light & dark. So if you take away one the other vanishes.
I suspect this way of thinking is called something, but I don't know.
You seem to think that they are not "paired" but exist by themselves, is this correct?
Maybe you could try and give another example of what you mean that shows how privacy, secrecy, dishonesty, lying, or similar can exist without the concept of honesty, openness or similar.
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentLet us also remember that "No one is immune to social engineering" so the lack of knowledge is also prayed upon by the platforms.Let us also remember that "No one is immune to social engineering" so the lack of knowledge is also prayed upon by the platforms.
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentWell, while Is an effect of what I said, but while something about how you phrase it makes me a little uncomfortable, I will have to stand by point: if you want the positive you have to keep the...Well, while
"we should embrace a bad thing because it gives people a chance to overcome it"
Is an effect of what I said, but while something about how you phrase it makes me a little uncomfortable, I will have to stand by point: if you want the positive you have to keep the negative and maybe it is as you say that the positive becomes a positive because it requires you to overcome the negative. (This feels like a very abrahimistic perspective, that I just don't share.)
But maybe that's why my gut reacts: I think the natural thing is honesty but sometimes you need to be able to be dishonest until you have calculated that it's safe to do or say something in a specific context, or at least safe enough to try it.
I must admit that I don't understand the bit about trials and jurors. I don't live in a country with jury-trials so I have most likely misunderstood the reasoning behind (and also obviously the actual effects of) jury-trials, but it is my understanding that the stated reason is to crowd-source a gut that can never be formalised. Maybe you refer to judges and not juries?
I'm thinking about the child that hides cookies or is learning to curse, and how that, in my opinion, is a very basic human need and if children can't hide cookies we will eventually not be human anymore.
Tracking calories feels so overwhelming, boring and difficult.
Could you explain in an excessive TMI step-by-painstaking-step how you count your calories one day?