fnulare's recent activity
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Comment on Relationship troubles in ~life
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Comment on Relationship troubles in ~life
fnulare LinkOne thing I find interesting in these kind of situations is how hard it is to see ones own behaviour as problematic and unhelpful to the situation. In the example here I would consider wanting and...One thing I find interesting in these kind of situations is how hard it is to see ones own behaviour as problematic and unhelpful to the situation.
In the example here I would consider wanting and asking for a hug from a person that is not enthusiastically giving it as quite problematic.
And since the only person present from this relationship is you I am more interested in thinking and talking about how you contribute to the situation and what you might change.
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Comment on Looking for feedback and just art criticism of my work in ~creative
fnulare Link ParentYour ignorance was assumed ;) And I think I used the wrong qualifier, what I meant was that physically(?) I don't have depth perception since I only see with one eye at a time. Functionally I have...Your ignorance was assumed ;)
And I think I used the wrong qualifier, what I meant was that physically(?) I don't have depth perception since I only see with one eye at a time. Functionally I have trained myself to compensate and un-/consciously look for clues to determine depth, it was these clues that where lacking in this presentation.
I never dreamt of being a pilot (I did do pass the physical for a regular drivers licence and to become an engine driver) but my dreams of becoming a table tennis pro got crushed early on.
The only time I notice and it matters is when I'm on my bike and there is a specific kind of barrier. I know how they work and are set up, but I still have to triple check so I don't crash right into it from the wrong side.
When I'm tired my eyes get tired too so they get a little sloppy and don't always let me know which one is watching (while the other is "just" seeing) so things can start to jump around a little.
Other than that I haven't really understood what difficulties I have, but since I've never had 3d sight I don't have anything to compare too. You can just cover one of your eyes and get a glimpse of how the world looks to me (but we don't share a life of experiences watching and seeing in 2d/3d so it's not the exact same obviously).
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Comment on Looking for feedback and just art criticism of my work in ~creative
fnulare LinkA small note on presentation, that might be unnecessary since it might not be needed when you show these pieces live. I think you should show these pieces slanted, so that it is easier to see the...A small note on presentation, that might be unnecessary since it might not be needed when you show these pieces live.
I think you should show these pieces slanted, so that it is easier to see the thread as thread, or incorporate some directional lightning.
In my fantastically uneducated opinion the 3d effect of using actual thread is what would make me stay with these pieces for a while and try to discover them.
Due to strabismus I have no functional depth perception. This means that I'm used to look for other clues to figure out depth and these photos of the pieces give very little clues, as far as I can tell they could be made with ink on photo.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentI'll keep blogging/journaling here until someone asks me to stop and/or helps me sort out my micro-selfhosted server Today I almost started crying because I had forgotten to pack a T-shirt to...I'll keep blogging/journaling here until someone asks me to stop and/or helps me sort out my micro-selfhosted server
Today I almost started crying because I had forgotten to pack a T-shirt to exercise in at the gym. I'm very, very tense, sad and exhausted.
My daughter has moved back home and is preparing for a trip, which makes her extra bouncy and loud (as in a bouncy ball or energetic or however you want to describe unmasked ADHD). Normally that's more than fine, but today I just can't.
I will follow her to the city and semi "send her off" on my way to deliver a laptop I've promised a friend.
Afterwards I will go to another, new, gym and lift weights. It's 2 bathhouses (with swimming pools, gyms, group exercise, etc) that share opening hours over the summer and hopefully they have the same models of weight training machines, we'll see.
I kind of got my NPD report on Tuesday (except she hadn't actually written it), it's a lot to take in.
They have concluded that I'm autistic but that I've managed to organise my life in a way so they can't say I have ADHD anymore since I don't have enough symptoms that interfere with my life. I need to write something to the psychologist about that, because it feels so fucking unfair.
If they would have only used the information about me as a child I would clearly have ADHD.
But since I have created a "small" life that doesn't require that much executive functioning they can't say I fit the diagnostic criteria. And it feels soooooo unfair that they won't let me have the option to create a bigger life where I manage to study, keep up an exercise routine, have hobbies that I can do consistently, etc, etc.
Without an ADHD diagnosis I won't get access to amphetamines. I know that amphetamines help me with my executive functioning and they should know that too.
I'm sad.
But I've managed to stave off 3 attempts to socialise today so I won't have to deal with people that much today.
Tomorrow I have some kind of date with a new person and this weekend I'm off to the archipelago with a couple friends, this will be fun!
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Comment on Consequences of advertising and enshittification on the Internet in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentI like it, and it seems overall other tildonians do too... Afaik it only works on Pixels though.I like it, and it seems overall other tildonians do too...
Afaik it only works on Pixels though.
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Comment on Consequences of advertising and enshittification on the Internet in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentI've found that for single player games, denying them network access is often enough to let them work but not see ads. (Maybe this capability is a GrapheneOS thing?)If you play mobile games, it can also stop those from working.
I've found that for single player games, denying them network access is often enough to let them work but not see ads.
(Maybe this capability is a GrapheneOS thing?)
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Comment on Modern, abstract art makes me angry in ~arts
fnulare Link ParentClean URL: https://youtu.be/GGp2oWR7bWkClean URL: https://youtu.be/GGp2oWR7bWk
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentOuff, that really sucks now, but (as you know) hopefully it will be good in the long run. I'm impressed by your ability and persistance that you've shown here to get help, inspirational!I know that the new therapist only meant the best for me it still sucks and it still feels like "getting discarded" or getting left alone with my problems but that's okai.
Ouff, that really sucks now, but (as you know) hopefully it will be good in the long run.
I'm impressed by your ability and persistance that you've shown here to get help, inspirational!
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentIt's time to go, I should go take a shit and a shower before I go to see the psychologist about the results of my NPD-assessment. It's so hard to get up from my sofa where I'm having my morning...It's time to go, I should go take a shit and a shower before I go to see the psychologist about the results of my NPD-assessment.
It's so hard to get up from my sofa where I'm having my morning coffee.
I'm quite scared. I've reached out to everyone I feel safe enough to talk to openly without reciprocity[0] and the one who had time to be with me after the appointment semi-cancelled yesterday.
We will meet up, but they might not have the energy to listen to me vent/dump for a few hours as we had agreed, we'll see.
I might have to sit with it alone or try to just talk with people on the phone which I hate, but do as a last resort.
Maybe it will be easy, but my body and mind is not prepared for easy, tense as the tiny springs in a clock ready to explode!
OK, I'm standing up now, I promise!!
[0] I mean without reciprocity this time. Other times we are reciprocal or they need to vent and I'm mostly listening/focused on them.
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Comment on Vatican declares Society of St. Pius X in schism, excommunicates bishops in ~humanities
fnulare Link ParentHahaha, nice try! You're one of the few names I recognise here and stupid is not something I associate with you :)but I'm stupid
Hahaha, nice try! You're one of the few names I recognise here and stupid is not something I associate with you :)
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Comment on Thoughts on graphene OS? in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentDo you remember having trouble connecting Blue Tooth devices to your 7a? My BT crashes if I don't wait a few seconds (~5-20s) after enabling it, and it requires that I have the microphone enabled too.Do you remember having trouble connecting Blue Tooth devices to your 7a?
My BT crashes if I don't wait a few seconds (~5-20s) after enabling it, and it requires that I have the microphone enabled too.
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Comment on Vatican declares Society of St. Pius X in schism, excommunicates bishops in ~humanities
fnulare Link ParentSuddenly I feel personally attacked in a topic I've just been enjoying from the sidelines. Not sure you were going for a thinly veiled insult or not, but here we are ;)and might be their love of queueing
Suddenly I feel personally attacked in a topic I've just been enjoying from the sidelines.
Not sure you were going for a thinly veiled insult or not, but here we are ;)
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Comment on Thoughts on graphene OS? in ~tech
fnulare LinkI've been using GrapgeneOS on a Pixel7a for a few years. The only complaint I have is that connecting my blue tooth headphones requires some thought... enable BT and microphone wait for a few...I've been using GrapgeneOS on a Pixel7a for a few years.
The only complaint I have is that connecting my blue tooth headphones requires some thought...
- enable BT and microphone
- wait for a few seconds ~5-10
- power on my headphones
Besides that Ive had no problems besides the ones mentioned already with payments and a small hickup with banking for 1 week over 2 years ago.
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Comment on What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them? in ~games
fnulare (edited )LinkI was given a few games by @kfwyre in the Tildes game give away for June 2026 and while I've dipped my toes in all of them, I've been playing Doors: Paradox. Just now I completed it. And I have...I was given a few games by @kfwyre in the Tildes game give away for June 2026 and while I've dipped my toes in all of them, I've been playing Doors: Paradox.
Just now I completed it. And I have wishlisted their next game Cages: Hidden Worlds - due in Q1 of 2027 on steam.
It's not a great game, but quite good. It's a puzzler with cute individual puzzles that tries to add an overarching story a little in the vein and tempo of Hayao Miyazaki but it also has a shallowness to the storytelling like I find in The Blue Prince.
The puzzles are fine, a mixture of logic and old school point&click where everything can be possible. Each puzzle is about finding the door on a small circular platform and they are all self-contained, but you have to solve one to unlock the next one (not a fave mechanic! Could at least give one or two extra unlocked imo).
Some parts where frustrating in a bad way, but I managed to abstain from using the in-built solver besides when I couldn't see anything but platform reasons[0] for me to not be able to solve a puzzle (I was mostly right, but I did slap my forehead a couple of times, well you know: a bakers couple!).
Overall a cute game, that kept me busy during work for around 15h.
Thanks again @kfwyre <3
[0] the game was released in 2022 for PC with mouse&keyboard controls in mind and I'm playing on a SteamDeck. A very few times I just couldn't do the thing, but with dome tweaking or possibly zooming it should work.
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Comment on Consequences of advertising and enshittification on the Internet in ~tech
fnulare LinkI saw this stand-up about marketing linked earlier today, might fit here nicely. I sure do agree with it.I saw this stand-up about marketing linked earlier today, might fit here nicely.
I sure do agree with it.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare LinkI'm sad, or scared maybe, at least quite tense and right now I'm crying at work typing this out. I feel tremendously rejected[0], not only here on tildes after my latest debacle[1] concerning...I'm sad, or scared maybe, at least quite tense and right now I'm crying at work typing this out.
I feel tremendously rejected[0], not only here on tildes after my latest debacle[1] concerning online/consumeristic activism but also on another forum[2] and in my personal life (I'll get back to this).
I think that I'm "just" very, very, very much on edge.
These are the last days of work, only 38h to go before I go on my first really long vacation (6 weeks) in a very long time.
My daughter, and her stuff, moved back in, and now the apartment is overfilled with stuff (as it already was overfilled with my stuff, her old stuff and my dead mothers leftovers). We have already fought and made up a couple times. We're ok, just have communication problems.
A theme, you say?!?!
On Tuesday I will receive my final report from the psychologist who has done my NP-assessment regarding ADHD and/or Autism. It is a big moment and feel very lonely and rejected by my friends who all have decided to do other things rather than to just be with me when I start digesting the information. I'm still waiting for some of them to get back to me, and several have offered to see me and let me vent some other time. But it just feels terrible when I finally[2] manage to ask for help and people just don't show up, ugh!
Well, that will do for now, maybe I'll post more later. Feel free to ask, advice, encourage or engage however you want.
[0] I think I have to indulge[4] myself into reading up on both "Rejection Sensitivity Disorder" and "Pathological Demand Avoidance" to help me understand and navigate this that is me and my life.
[1] See @LukeZaz I can do footnotes too![5] No, but seriously I didn't want to reply in the topic as to not give it more attention. I mostly wanted to thank you (and you too @DefinitelyNotAFae) for your kind words in a difficult context. I might take you up on your offer for more advice later on.
[2] One comment was removed for being LLM-like, a comment I worked on, on and off, for 2 days to make it... *drumroll* clear and structured!
[3] This is not true, I do ask for help from time to time and my friends do help me, I know this, but it still feels like this.
[4] Yes, I meant indulge, like a box of real fancy chocolates.
[5] But I prefer using [ ] rather than superscript.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentReally??? You have high standards for what constitutes exercise, in my book moving around in a completely new way sure is exercise! :D Get well, etc obviously :)No exercise
Really??? You have high standards for what constitutes exercise, in my book moving around in a completely new way sure is exercise! :D
Get well, etc obviously :)
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (July 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentChugging along nicely! Well done :) Thanks for letting us know, I do enjoy when we share more slice of life style moods/statuses too.Chugging along nicely! Well done :)
Thanks for letting us know, I do enjoy when we share more slice of life style moods/statuses too.
I'm sorry, it seems I didn't manage to express myself clearly.
I don't find it strange that there is a problem in a relationship.
I find it interesting that, from what I can tell, the problem is almost always framed as:
Rather than
To me, there is something important about taking responsibility for oneself, ones needs and wants, and the situation; that I often find lacking.
[Edit] added ; to make the last sentence a tiny bit clearer