fnulare's recent activity

  1. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Very much not a professional I'm not afraid of the dark, I think that helps. 1 I was quite depressed for most of 2 decades from ~13-33 (where I thought constantly about suicide, no attempts...

    Very much not a professional

    I'm not afraid of the dark, I think that helps.

    1

    I was quite depressed for most of 2 decades from ~13-33 (where I thought constantly about suicide, no attempts though), then my sister committed suicide and I managed to decide that I wouldn't put my mom through having 2 kids and both killing themselves.

    Suddenly when suicide was off the table I had to find ways to live and have that life be sustainable (since the suicide-out was off the table), from there I slowly realised I enjoyed living.

    I slowly built up my economy, my home, my friend circle, etc. None of them are in great shape yet (another 2 decades later), but they are getting there (or rather I'm more and more accepting of how things are!).

    When my mother died almost 2 years ago suicide got back on the table, that was hard and unexpected (because I somehow had forgot that promise about not committing suicide for her sake), I'm still not fully sure I will never kill myself but I'm fairly sure I enjoy living.

    Mind you: I do have a child, which I got when I was still very much depressed. She is now a fantastic adult, but I have never have any doubts that she would be OK even without me (I have always made sure that she has had strong relationships with her mother, other adults and her friends). A big regret in my life is that I have leaned on her, a bit too much some times, to borrow her spark, curiosity and joy of life (at least I've also stocked up her therapy fund!).

    Weirdly; I am also grateful for deciding to have a child and taking care of them, I think that saved me.

    2

    In my very strong opinion: never, ever, lay the adults well being in the teens hands!. This is hard for me to convey in writing, because it's not about what you say, not even about how you say it, but about the intention.

    It's fine, even good, to let them know you worry, or are scared. It's fine to cry, possibly even scream. But only as a way to show how you feel and how much you love them and how scared you are of them dying. Not as a way to force them to do things or accept "facts" or whatever.

    Let the person know you're not afraid of the dark, I think it helps to be able to joke about it and anything surrounding the situation. Maybe one of the parents is a terrible chef so the food at the ward was an improvement over that parents cooking anyway?

    This teen has already thought about death and suicide and scary stuff for a long time, it's good for them to talk about it with adults who aren't afraid. It is super scary if everyone around them pretends suicide or depression or rage or hopelessness or other scary stuff (like oppression, bullying, climate change, death, fascism, heights, other people, etc) don't exist. But! Let them lead, you want to be a person to lean on, that they can bring their box of despair to and show you their stuff. Sometimes it is appropriate to show some of your stuff (and be honest about it, it is fine to say: I don't want to say more, because I don't want you to know about it).

    I'm trying to say something like: just be a real person, but remember that they are still a child (so it is your job as an adult to set and hold the boundaries, etc).

    3 & 4

    A plant, or a pet (except dog, and someone must be willing to step in when the teen fails at taking care of it), or an elderly neighbour that needs help going to the store or reading a paper. Even a special interest online forum where they can help noobs find their way or a section of a wiki for a game that needs organising.

    Just about anything that is about helping or sustaining anyone else (except closest family, because that is too much to deal with atm) will do. Be interested, but not too eager, about it.

    This person clearly doesn't value their own life enough to live off. They might be able to do it later, but right now they don't.

    So since the self preservation instinct is temporarily out of order you will have to take advantage of some other instinct and I think the social instinct is the easiest and most powerful (and very good to have exercised for the rest of their life as it is fairly accepted that the most meaningful lives are lives in service of others, taking care of the "tribe" so to speak).

    I think you can just say this to them too, ask them if they would be willing to try something to trick their brain back from the dark place it has gotten itself into.

    In time it is also good to get outside, move, eat well, etc, but that comes later and possibly from themselves.

    Outro

    I am not a professional, just a person who isn't afraid of the dark.

    4 votes

  2. Comment on Anyone have any ketogenic diet stories? in ~food

    fnulare
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    There is no science in this comment, only personal beliefs. There is nothing about weight loss here either. I kind of aim at some kind of keto-diety thing for 3-4 days before I go on my multi day...

    There is no science in this comment, only personal beliefs. There is nothing about weight loss here either.

    I kind of aim at some kind of keto-diety thing for 3-4 days before I go on my multi day fasts, I do this to enter (or get close to) ketosis before I start fasting.

    For me it helps me focus on the fasting if I face the "keto-flu" before and separately from the actual fasting.

    I aim to do weekly fasts four times a year, but this year I've ignored one opportunity, did one for "just" 4 days (I was I'll prepared) and only one full weekly long fast. It is not a big thing for me to skip one or six of these. They are feel good moments, not ascetic self-flagellations.

    For me the fasting is part of my vision on how to notice time, ritualize my life a little and remind myself of the abundance of calories I have access to (I also truly believe it is healthy to let the body use its stored resources from time to time).

  3. Comment on I don’t feel like I’m a creative person. How could I fix that and get ideas? in ~creative

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Until it's not! I can eyeball/vibe quite a lot of baked goods (like substituting to make things vegan and/or glutenfree). But I could never make a good emulsified heated sauce, like a bearnaise,...

    (Don't do this with baking though, baking is an exact science and can be very delicate).

    Until it's not! I can eyeball/vibe quite a lot of baked goods (like substituting to make things vegan and/or glutenfree). But I could never make a good emulsified heated sauce, like a bearnaise, without a recipe!

    2 votes

  4. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (September 2026) in ~health.mental

    fnulare
    Link
    Not sure, as has been the case all month long... Just quickly patting/tapping the topic to show I'm here, but no real drive to elaborate. I hope you all find good moments in whatever life you...

    Not sure, as has been the case all month long...

    Just quickly patting/tapping the topic to show I'm here, but no real drive to elaborate.

    I hope you all find good moments in whatever life you manage to scrape together, I sure have them... Among other things I've signed up for a whole weekend if dancing classes next weekend, but that is for the October topic, isn't it?

    1 vote

  5. Comment on Exhibition at the Kin Museum in Kiruna marks the handover of a long-awaited report on abuses committed by the Swedish state against the indigenous Sámi in ~society

  6. Comment on READFLIX – Free books from open libraries in ~books

    fnulare
    Link
    Just want to make sure that anyone remotely interested in this knows about Project Gutenberg.

    Just want to make sure that anyone remotely interested in this knows about Project Gutenberg.

    6 votes

  7. Comment on Everyday/week seems to fly by as I get older, how to change one's perception? in ~life

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    I was really hoping to dive into the time-perception-wiki, just a trove of information about time perception, someone's work of love dedicated to the confusion that is how to perceive time. Oh,...

    the wiki on time perception

    I was really hoping to dive into the time-perception-wiki, just a trove of information about time perception, someone's work of love dedicated to the confusion that is how to perceive time.

    Oh, well, neat article on wikipedia too, but not the time perception wiki *sad face*

    1 vote

  8. Comment on There is no epidemic of loneliness, but there is an epidemic of social scurvy in ~life

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    As you should! It's an amazing quality, which I admire profoundly. I call you lot herders. I'm fortunate enough to be good at spotting you. I'm also quite good at latching on to you and doing my...

    Thankful for my ability to form groups.

    As you should! It's an amazing quality, which I admire profoundly.

    I call you lot herders.

    I'm fortunate enough to be good at spotting you. I'm also quite good at latching on to you and doing my best in following your lead to keep the herd together, but how you gather, keep and entertain the first 2-5ppl is a complete mystery to me.

    Thanks for your work!

    4 votes

  9. Comment on Sweden's Prime Minister Ulf Kristersson has resigned after his ruling right-wing bloc was narrowly defeated by the centre-left opposition in the country's general election in ~society

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Well, I'll be surprised if Vänsterpartiet (the kind of leftist party) won't agree once more to support a government led by Socialdemokraterna (the center party with a socialist-ish history)...

    Well, I'll be surprised if Vänsterpartiet (the kind of leftist party) won't agree once more to support a government led by Socialdemokraterna (the center party with a socialist-ish history) without seats in said government.

    So far they always have.

    disclaimer: I don't agree with parlamentarism and consider all current parties in Sweden far to the right of me, if that is the only axis.

    4 votes

  10. Comment on I'm addicted to Slay the Spire and am looking for a new game in ~games

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Well... this years ~creative.timasomo should be up soon iirc, so maybe you could bring your game to that event? I generally don't like card games, there is something about the need to learn vs the...

    Well... this years ~creative.timasomo should be up soon iirc, so maybe you could bring your game to that event?

    I generally don't like card games, there is something about the need to learn vs the amount of relaxation/distraction I want from gaming that doesn't really do it for me.

    With that said I do love play testing and fiddling and breaking stuff and I'm quite opinionated around UX, etc so I'd totally chip in as a playtester :)

    1 vote

  11. Comment on putt.day — a daily hole of mini golf in ~games

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    It looks to me like one of these statements is redundant! ;) But sure also trends are a thing! Please read this like someone you like is joking with you in a good way

    Why?? I completely understand the business/marketing side of it.

    It looks to me like one of these statements is redundant! ;)

    But sure also trends are a thing!

    Please read this like someone you like is joking with you in a good way

    2 votes

  12. Comment on My son pooped in the toilet in ~life

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Hey now! I might have had some too... do I have to wait for tomorrow now?!!??

    This is your unsolicited advice for the day.

    Hey now! I might have had some too... do I have to wait for tomorrow now?!!??

    3 votes

  13. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    A problem for me is that I find the first ~65% of these topics mind numbingly boring and I'm almost physically unable to follow up in any interesting ways. That's why I came up with the raisin...

    A problem for me is that I find the first ~65% of these topics mind numbingly boring and I'm almost physically unable to follow up in any interesting ways.

    That's why I came up with the raisin question :)

    The other day I was asked "What's another unusual thing you do?" which I liked, I just need to find a good first half to it for the occasions where there isn't an obvious first unusual thing.

    (With me it was easy, since I'm barefoot and the person just stated that but then asked for another unusual thing.)

  14. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    My confusion gets stronger and stronger... For me, using AnySoftKeyboard I can just cycle through my languages & their respective layouts with one touch to a key. So if I was a tad bit more...

    My confusion gets stronger and stronger...

    For me, using AnySoftKeyboard I can just cycle through my languages & their respective layouts with one touch to a key.

    So if I was a tad bit more attentive I wouldn't pollute my dictionaries with words from different languages at all.

    Oh, well, I realise I sound like an AnySoftKeyboard-vendor, so I'll try to stop here :)

  15. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Ah, I see, I never imagined that could be a thing... but now I'll long for that feature too *sad face*

    Ah, I see, I never imagined that could be a thing... but now I'll long for that feature too *sad face*

  16. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    This is great! Got me thinking about my own autobiography that is waiting for me in a metaphoric drawer... Right this instant I think it would start with my mothers death, end with my own imagined...

    This is great! Got me thinking about my own autobiography that is waiting for me in a metaphoric drawer...

    Right this instant I think it would start with my mothers death, end with my own imagined funeral (I'm obsessed with an idea about making flowers of tiny glass pearls for decorating my own tombstone and how that can become a nice ritual around death) and contain most of my life up until now with a heavy focus on fatherhood.

    The structure of it (which is already fleshed out quite well) is going to be like a "find your own adventure" book, made to jump around in.

    2 votes

  17. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    I will now!

    They're delicious and everyone should give them a go

    I will now!

    3 votes

  18. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    I'm glad you found something that works for you. The ergonomics of typing is no small thing. I don't understand this, but then again I only type in latin-ish-alphabets where all different layouts...

    I'm glad you found something that works for you. The ergonomics of typing is no small thing.

    it doesn't support multi-language typing, you need to switch languages completely

    I don't understand this, but then again I only type in latin-ish-alphabets where all different layouts have all symbols (although some are behind long presses). My dictonaries and autocorrect get messed up quite rapidly though, since I mix languages and use my own words & abbreviations.

    1 vote

  19. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Fair! I just installed FUTO and then I learned it is not FOSS, just "source available", so back to AnySoftKeyboard it is! @Minithra & @all_summer_beauty

    I don't like muesli, but I can't eat just unhealthy foods all day.

    Fair!

    I just installed FUTO and then I learned it is not FOSS, just "source available", so back to AnySoftKeyboard it is! @Minithra & @all_summer_beauty

    2 votes

  20. Comment on Small talk, ice breakers, lines in ~talk

    fnulare
    Link Parent
    Thanks (& @Minithra too), I'm trying it out now, and it feels very wrong, but I'll get used to it (or just go back to AnySoftKeyboard once and for all!). The only real pain, besides timing ones...

    Thanks (& @Minithra too), I'm trying it out now, and it feels very wrong, but I'll get used to it (or just go back to AnySoftKeyboard once and for all!).

    The only real pain, besides timing ones (that will most likely disappear when I'm used to the keyboard) is the little mic-icon taking up cognitive space (maybe I'll stop seeing it, but it has not happened yet with the large Android16 statusbar icons, so who knows!)