fnulare's recent activity
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentLet us also remember that "No one is immune to social engineering" so the lack of knowledge is also prayed upon by the platforms.Let us also remember that "No one is immune to social engineering" so the lack of knowledge is also prayed upon by the platforms.
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentWell, while Is an effect of what I said, but while something about how you phrase it makes me a little uncomfortable, I will have to stand by point: if you want the positive you have to keep the...Well, while
"we should embrace a bad thing because it gives people a chance to overcome it"
Is an effect of what I said, but while something about how you phrase it makes me a little uncomfortable, I will have to stand by point: if you want the positive you have to keep the negative and maybe it is as you say that the positive becomes a positive because it requires you to overcome the negative. (This feels like a very abrahimistic perspective, that I just don't share.)
But maybe that's why my gut reacts: I think the natural thing is honesty but sometimes you need to be able to be dishonest until you have calculated that it's safe to do or say something in a specific context, or at least safe enough to try it.
I must admit that I don't understand the bit about trials and jurors. I don't live in a country with jury-trials so I have most likely misunderstood the reasoning behind (and also obviously the actual effects of) jury-trials, but it is my understanding that the stated reason is to crowd-source a gut that can never be formalised. Maybe you refer to judges and not juries?
I'm thinking about the child that hides cookies or is learning to curse, and how that, in my opinion, is a very basic human need and if children can't hide cookies we will eventually not be human anymore.
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentI would say that it's even about much more important things. To me it is about upholding the moral value of honesty (and things I derive from that). If you can't lie (hide, deceive, omit, etc),...I would say that it's even about much more important things.
To me it is about upholding the moral value of honesty (and things I derive from that). If you can't lie (hide, deceive, omit, etc), you can't be honest (open, including, etc) either. If you can't chose to lie you can't in any meaningful way be honest, sure you can still say true or false statements but that is not the same.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link ParentI agree on the effect, not sure on the cause, takes at least a ponder or two! But I know that I'm happiest when the dailies need consideration, time and labour... Like if you have to make a fire...I agree on the effect, not sure on the cause, takes at least a ponder or two!
But I know that I'm happiest when the dailies need consideration, time and labour... Like if you have to make a fire to cook, or get water from a well, etc, etc
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Comment on The "why does this movie exist" scene in ~movies
fnulare Link ParentI've mostly realised that what I enjoy is the act of watching the movie as a social event with people, some chatting & snacking (adjusted to movie and company ofc!).I've mostly realised that what I enjoy is the act of watching the movie as a social event with people, some chatting & snacking (adjusted to movie and company ofc!).
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Comment on The "why does this movie exist" scene in ~movies
fnulare Link ParentThis is looking more and more like an #ask.recommendations, I'm all for it! Thx <3This is looking more and more like an #ask.recommendations, I'm all for it! Thx <3
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Comment on What’s a point that you think many people missed? in ~talk
fnulare Link ParentMay I ask what point you think people are missing? I've always understood the point being to discredit having teachers in a "soft", you have to have it, field like acting or painting. It is not...May I ask what point you think people are missing?
I've always understood the point being to discredit having teachers in a "soft", you have to have it, field like acting or painting.
It is not about the teachiness but about de doiness as a way to both elevate the actor or painter as a naturally gifted person and the teacher as a failed wannabe.
I'm not saying it is correct, but it is the only way I have heard it used, so I dont understand what other point you think people are trying to make.
Ah, but now I see! Maybe, you are arguing that people who use the phrase don't realise that teaching is hard and a separate skill in itself. So, it's not so much that people have misunderstood or misuse the phrase but that the phrase just doesn't make sense.
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Comment on The "why does this movie exist" scene in ~movies
fnulare Link ParentTrue, ever since reading about the storytelling in one of the weird worlds in the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy (the one where there really isn't a story just the recanting of events and books...True, ever since reading about the storytelling in one of the weird worlds in the Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy (the one where there really isn't a story just the recanting of events and books are just an exact number of words) I've been fascinated by storytelling and how few stories there really are. I wonder if the dramatic journey (or however it's called... info, problem, resolution, extra problem final resolution) in itself imposes a kind if constraint that limits the stories we can tell.
Anyway, I will look up your recommendation, at times I need to keep myself entertained ;)
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Comment on Advice on avoiding the hedonic treadmill of endless content? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentMaybe just wait...? I think it's important for children to move, especially girls, a lot, more than anyone thinks is reasonable (including myself!) I don't think you can force joy on anyone, so...Maybe just wait...?
I think it's important for children to move, especially girls, a lot, more than anyone thinks is reasonable (including myself!)
I don't think you can force joy on anyone, so the more you try I think you are more likely to foster resentment against both sitting still and reading.
May I suggest baking flat cookies and write/draw eatable books with frosting? More as comedic release for you as patent(s) but also to get to talk about letters/words, maybe?
If you tell her stories when she is still or otherwise able to listen you could try to stop sometimes and see if she asks for more, then you can pick up a book and continue reading from it, this might get her interested in books and start to form an understanding of where stories come from? I don't know, just guesstimating!
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Comment on The "why does this movie exist" scene in ~movies
fnulare Link ParentLook ma, no hands! Without following the link I will say: oh, no, I know... I call it the Jesus story though, one saviour to save us all. It's so boring and one of the main reasons I almost...Look ma, no hands!
Without following the link I will say: oh, no, I know... I call it the Jesus story though, one saviour to save us all. It's so boring and one of the main reasons I almost stopped watching movies unless someone else wants to watch a movie (and picks it), the 2 other main reasons are:
- post 9/11 did not only bring more law enforcement into movies/TV but also much more righteous law enforcement, really tiresome.
- the Netflix camera and tempo is anti-creative.
Sometimes I think I should get into non-hollywood movies, but then I remember that I don't have to watch movies :)
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The "why does this movie exist" scene
Hello, I just rewatched the final boss fight of the spectacularly amazing 2010 movie Kickass, and I remembered something I've been meaning to float by movie-knowers... As I see it, this boss fight...
Hello,
I just rewatched the final boss fight of the spectacularly amazing 2010 movie Kickass, and I remembered something I've been meaning to float by movie-knowers...
As I see it, this boss fight is the reason this movie exists. The way I picture how "hollywood"-movies are made is that there is a writers room or producers meeting where nothing happens until someone brings out the weed, schrooms and/or coke which lets real brainstorming take place. And suddenly BAM! You have a single amazing thing happen: the Event.
Once that is settled they work backwards to building a believable story that leads up to that event.
The Event for Kickass is having a grown man beat the pulp out of a young girl without anyone really noticing or making a big deal out if it.
This creates some constraints (remember its 2008/9 at the time of writing), for example:
- the girl can not be seen as a helpless victim.
- the man can't win in the end.
- the beating must be reasonably justified within the story and not just pure sadism/misogyny.
- the beating must look very unrealistic.
From those premises they created a a scenario that would make it possible and wrote out a whole film.
I often find myself having an A-ha!-moment when I find the Event in movies, it's one of the reasons I watch them.
This is in my view one of the biggest reason why sequels are bad: the Event has already been had in the first movie so there isn't really anything of value left to the story.
I'm up for talking about things like:
- how far away I am from the real method of making films
- what defining Events you see in this or other movies
- how and why sequels in general or particular are good/bad
- who went as Kick-Ass or Hit-Girl for Halloween
- ....
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (January 2026) in ~health.mental
fnulare Link Parent(Also @sparksbet) Thanks for taking the time and energy to care about and reply to me. I see you! And I do also understand this is a public forum so I know both your comments are also for others...(Also @sparksbet)
Thanks for taking the time and energy to care about and reply to me. I see you! And I do also understand this is a public forum so I know both your comments are also for others that read here. You both write important things.
For me though, you needn't worry, I will not die of suicide. I just wantednto try and answer the question of the topic as truthfully as I could at the time.
With that out of the way I a few things to add...
We got loads of snow, the world is shiny and bright! This is very good for me, I don't do well when it's dark or rather I get a bit hibernaty and ponderous and it can get quite dark as seen in my original comment.
We are now back to the normal life cycle with all the christmas, family, new years, fun, family, togetherness, christmas terror out of the way, this is soothing.
I should get a therapist or something but I won't because:
A. I just got dumped by the one I was seeing so I feel a bit hopeless about it.
B. I unexpectedly got dragged into first in line to do my ADHD and autism assessment.So I'll wait for B to get done while also let time heal a bit of A before I figure out my next mental-health-progress-with-a-professional.
I have a long history of depression, existential dread and passive-suicidal-ideation, I have reached out for help from time to time for the last ~35 but it always ends up as "too well for psych ward or other specialised help but too bad for general population while also functioning enough so... no help for you!". I'm not worried I will die of suicide. For me it has been a comfort but also a way to not do/change things since there is always that option. I've had a good run of 15years where suicide was taken off the table and I made good progress in that time... but now unfortunately it is back. I know I will have to deal with it, and your comments are good reminders, but I won't do it know.
In the end I have to figure out how to live without meaning or succumb to always stay a helper that only derives meaning from saving others. (I understand there are other options, I just don't see them, but thus might be a point of entry if you'd like to engage)
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Comment on Advice on avoiding the hedonic treadmill of endless content? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentWell, I do believe I wrote "in an ideal world" somewhere in there :) I just want to make sure to point out that I don't intend to lay the responsibility of this herculean task solely on the...Well, I do believe I wrote "in an ideal world" somewhere in there :)
I just want to make sure to point out that I don't intend to lay the responsibility of this herculean task solely on the parents.
This would be a societal endeavour where parents have more support and there would be more adults per child.
As for your example about yourself as an introvert, I sure can relate. As far back as I remember I never felt understood by my parents and would take most chances to get away from them. This is a difficult situation but I don't think "toys" add any significant positives to it. I assume it needs more varied adults and knowledge about, and acknowledgement of, intro-/extroversion and neurodivergence.
I can see being able to play with paper at the kitchen table and allowed to drop in and out of the cooking the rest of the people are engaged in would help without being coaxed.
Like everyone should expect to have a place & "function" but not required to use that space is the feel I try create for people around me. It is not always easy (especially handling preexisting relationships).
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Comment on Advice on avoiding the hedonic treadmill of endless content? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentMy current thought process is to carry 3 phones... Dumded down phone for calls & texts & dm's One bank and payment phone One brainrot phone for doom scrolling, games, etc I would bring 2 & 3 with...My current thought process is to carry 3 phones...
- Dumded down phone for calls & texts & dm's
- One bank and payment phone
- One brainrot phone for doom scrolling, games, etc
I would bring 2 & 3 with me on purpose, but 1 daily.
I dream of getting into the state of leaving 1 at home on the counter, 2 in a desk drawer and burn/recycle/give away 3.
We'll see! Many plans!!
Anyway, you inspired me, thx <3
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Comment on What was it like for you and your partner when one of you was losing a parent "slowly"? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentReally good observation, I agree completely. I think it also has to do with that "that sucks" is somehow more open ended and gives some kind of agency. Where as "I'm sorry" points exclusivly to...Also, maybe this is just a weird thing we had in common, but my partner and I both agreed that comments in the spirit of, 'Damn, that sucks,' are a lot better than, 'Omg, I'm so so sorry.' I don't know, something about "I'm sorry" triggered the reflexive "It's ok/thank you," whereas 'that sucks' evoked the superior 'I know, right?!' response.
Really good observation, I agree completely. I think it also has to do with that "that sucks" is somehow more open ended and gives some kind of agency. Where as "I'm sorry" points exclusivly to sadness (in this context: grief) and passivity.
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Comment on Advice on avoiding the hedonic treadmill of endless content? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentMostly it's the second thing: to force the separation of adult and children's lives. Children have to learn to be away from their adults and while it is useful later I think we push them into a...You mean, don't buy toys that are specifically manufactured for entertainment, but just have regular life things that kids are free to explore and make use of? Or more the attitude surrounding toys as something to send the kids off by themselves as being harmful?
Mostly it's the second thing: to force the separation of adult and children's lives. Children have to learn to be away from their adults and while it is useful later I think we push them into a separate-away-from-adults-life too early.
And yes, I think we push them rather than that they draw themselves away.
But obviously the shine of the shiny toys helps create the yearning to go play with them rather than do whatever else is available. And if we don't go with them to enjoy playing with them (both refering to the children and toys) it becomes an away movement. It also looks to me like shiny toys (and moving media) are used as a bribe-y thing "No, I have to do X, but why don't you go and play with Y" instead of inviting the young person(s) to do things together (and plan for them to take longer, and adapt to everyones skill level and experience)
Example, what if I were a child who has no interest in your pots and pans while cooking, and I want to go play with sheets of blank paper instead by myself?
Depending on the reason it would require different "solutions"...
- is cooking too loud?
- are you discovering paper?
- do you want to be alone?
- is cooking uninteresting!
- are we not connected?
- ...?
I'm not saying adults and children should do everything together all the time. I'm "just" saying that there are a lot of ways to be (and play) together without toys and that toys help create the unnecessary divide between people if different ages that we live in now.
And what are the limits for your endurance with my destroying/losing household objects during play?
This is both an economic but also patience related question that everyone has to figure out for themselves. Personally I have quite a lot of patience and economic room (not because I'm wealthy but since I own very little of value and dont value stuff that highly anyway).
I admit that in our current world it is hard to make room for children like I'm describing here, but it is still something I wish I had thought more about before becoming a parent.
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Comment on Advice on avoiding the hedonic treadmill of endless content? in ~life
fnulare Link ParentI really relate to your 3rd point: get a life! The other day I really felt in my body how watching streams and tv-series or listening to podcast or even music with lyrics drains my social battery...I really relate to your 3rd point: get a life!
The other day I really felt in my body how watching streams and tv-series or listening to podcast or even music with lyrics drains my social battery (hence the concept of "parasocial relationships"), I still can't really brake away from it but having experienced that feeling is a good stepping stone (I hope!).
I'm also leaning more and more into wanting a dumb phone...
I've been trying to wrap my head around this for a day and I'm sorry to say (for me, I'm sorry for me) that I just don't understand. I would like to understand.
I feel that I just repeat myself since I can't neither express myself differently nor understand what you are saying.
My point is that privacy & openness or honesty & dishonesty can only exist if the other exists. Like light & dark. So if you take away one the other vanishes.
I suspect this way of thinking is called something, but I don't know.
You seem to think that they are not "paired" but exist by themselves, is this correct?
Maybe you could try and give another example of what you mean that shows how privacy, secrecy, dishonesty, lying, or similar can exist without the concept of honesty, openness or similar.