fnulare's recent activity
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Comment on Experiences with foster system and support for removed relatives in ~life
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Comment on Other people might just not have your problems in ~life
fnulare LinkI've used a kind of mirrored conclusion the be able to show much more compassion for myself as well as others (and make choices in a similar way as in this blog post): It's hard because it's hard,...I've used a kind of mirrored conclusion the be able to show much more compassion for myself as well as others (and make choices in a similar way as in this blog post):
It's hard because it's hard, if it was easy it wouldn't be hard!
Maybe that is a bit clearer for some, it is for me anyway! ;)
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Comment on Experiences with foster system and support for removed relatives in ~life
fnulare LinkI have no experience with fostering or living in the USA With that out of the way: I really don't think you can prepare more than say 60% to become a parent or guardian. The things you think are...I have no experience with fostering or living in the USA
With that out of the way: I really don't think you can prepare more than say 60% to become a parent or guardian.
The things you think are important mostly aren't and the things that really are important are incredibly hard to prepare for.
Based only on this post you seem to be well enough prepared and decent enough to take care of a child.
What I'm trying to say is: you might have a child falling into your lap, if you are in anyway interested in parenting, take your chance!
If my mental image of how this process works is close to correct you won't be stuck with an impossible child and the child will not be handed over to you if you're not deemed at least a decent alternative.
I know this doesn't answer the questions you wrote, but it might answer the one I'm guessing you really want to answer: should we foster this child? And in my opinion you should!
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Comment on What makes a game, a game? - The Results in ~games
fnulare Link@04:08 Wait, how do you do staring competitions? Isn't the way to do a staring competition to stare at each other and whoever blinks or breaks eye contact in any way first, loses? And you may...@04:08
Wait, how do you do staring competitions?
Isn't the way to do a staring competition to stare at each other and whoever blinks or breaks eye contact in any way first, loses?
And you may indeed try to make the other person blink or whatever.
Have I've been doing them wrong????
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Comment on The latrine disaster in Erfurt in ~humanities.history
fnulare Link ParentI would very much celebrate if something similar would happen today. I am not one to mind if people from the ruling classes would gather in similar ways and have accidents or even accidents. Maybe...I would very much celebrate if something similar would happen today.
I am not one to mind if people from the ruling classes would gather in similar ways and have accidents or even accidents.
Maybe one day someone could orchestrate a roof falling in on WEF or something.
I know it doesn't change much in the grand scheme of things but it would bring me joy.
(And I'm aware that there would also (have) be(en) casualties among us which is nothing to celebrate in general)
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Comment on The latrine disaster in Erfurt in ~humanities.history
fnulare Link ParentI think one reason I don't like history is because time is difficult for me. Time and place even harder. I really can't fathom that this place still exists, and is just like any other place and...I think one reason I don't like history is because time is difficult for me. Time and place even harder.
I really can't fathom that this place still exists, and is just like any other place and not just a shrine over this event.
I'm glad you seem to have had a good day there :)
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Comment on A new Jolla phone has reached the required pre-order crowd-funding amount in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentThat's really good to hear! A sigh of relief from an internet strangerThat's really good to hear!
A sigh of relief from an internet stranger
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Comment on The latrine disaster in Erfurt in ~humanities.history
fnulare LinkI normally don't find history interesting but today I was told about this inspirational story from the 12th century.I normally don't find history interesting but today I was told about this inspirational story from the 12th century.
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The latrine disaster in Erfurt
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Comment on How Europe is gearing up to follow Australia's teen social media ban in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentWell, if the bans work at all, the kids will go to the next site... I'm generally for regulation (if the alternative is the "free market") but I can't imagine[0] this path is a path that will...Well, if the bans work at all, the kids will go to the next site...
I'm generally for regulation (if the alternative is the "free market") but I can't imagine[0] this path is a path that will serve society at large including kids & their guardians.
[0] As in I can't actually make up a scenario, using my current knowledge of the world, that will be beneficial in the way people are presenting these kinds of laws.
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Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life
fnulare Link ParentGood, good, shining (as we say in Swedish)! Well, then we can get back to the regular programming. I will be here in this topic whenever you want. Take care of yourself and your child <3Good, good, shining (as we say in Swedish)!
Well, then we can get back to the regular programming.
I will be here in this topic whenever you want.
Take care of yourself and your child <3
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Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life
fnulare Link ParentI did not in any way read your comment as rude. I'm glad I've managed to convey that I have good intentions. I do believe that I have good intentions, but ofc I can be wrong (and I'm often wrong!).I did not in any way read your comment as rude.
I'm glad I've managed to convey that I have good intentions.
I do believe that I have good intentions, but ofc I can be wrong (and I'm often wrong!).
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Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life
fnulare Link ParentWhen I read: I get an image of a parent treating a child as an adult that has entered the relationship voluntarily. I have been treated like that. I have been asked (among other things) to comfort...When I read:
Maybe I can make that person I share life with be my kid instead. I'm not quite there yet. I don't know.
I get an image of a parent treating a child as an adult that has entered the relationship voluntarily.
I have been treated like that. I have been asked (among other things) to comfort my mother or to give economic advice.
I have also fought with my co-parent that wanted our child to stop behaving as a child.
In my mind it is crucial to always remember that children aren't adults and haven't chosen to have us as parents. We have a responsibility over them that isn't reciprocal like an adult to adult relationship (friends, colleagues, strangers on the street or whatever). Even children on the bus are allowed to treat us as adults and we must treat them as children and don't expect them to behave as adults.
What it boils down to for my is that vague thing of responsibility.
An extreme example, that I think makes it clear in my mind is: if a child gets violent towards you it is your responsibility as a parent to not get hurt. It is not the responsibility of the child. Of course the older the child gets the more this responsibility shifts towards them and once they too are an adult it is theirs.
Something like this is what I mean, do you see my point? Should I continue this train of thought?
I just want to make it clear that I don't really think you want to treat your child as a partner.
I'm just kind of allergic to the phenomenon that I'm describing and react very quickly and probably too forcefully.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental
fnulare LinkI never really know what to write here or if there is a point in writing here... But recently I've decided that I can't really use my feelings of "there is no point anyway" as a way to decide what...I never really know what to write here or if there is a point in writing here... But recently I've decided that I can't really use my feelings of "there is no point anyway" as a way to decide what to do but that I rather should trust my old self and the decisions I've made while feeling less depressed or whatever.
I have decided to write something every month in this recurring topic
So, let's do this... There is still November to go :)
Heavy shit around suicide, don't read if you don't KNOW that you can handle it (no one is at risk only feelings and telling of past events)
I've written about this previously around here, so there will be some repeat info
Today I started crying, of relief, or recognition or something while listening to a podcast episode about chronic suicidality.
I don't know, I don't want anyone to worry, there really is no need. I won't kill myself today or as I said to a psychologist that I'm trying to figure out if I can work with and have as a therapist: I will most likely not die of suicide or at least not while I'm this young and in relatively good health.
It's just so nice to not feel alone carrying this kind of mentality.
It has something to do with always having this possibility to make life easier to live, and I've been carrying this since I was around 12 years old when I first heard about a person I had met that did commit suicide.
When my sister committed suicide I decided I couldn't because I didn't want to put our mother through the experience of having both her children killing themselves.
Now that my mother is dead, suicide is back on the table.
But as a thought experiment or like a way to not do stuff since I can always just die if things get too bad.
In some way I wanted to write this also to hold out a hand to anyone else here that deals with chronic suicidality: you are not alone.
Just that.
Now my tears have dried up because I'm starting to take care of all of you, and I again have someone else to worry about than myself. So my life has externalised meaning.
Ugh! I look forward to someday not have to require meaning for just existing. It would be so nice to just be able exist.
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Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life
fnulare Link ParentI will get back to you later on "everything" but I just want to state that when I wrote: It was from the point of view of someone that has struggled with depression for all my post tween life and...I will get back to you later on "everything" but I just want to state that when I wrote:
I understand it is difficult to show up for yourself every day, but unfortunately I think that is what you have to do now (and in the end I truly believe that you, your child and even the world will be better for it).
It was from the point of view of someone that has struggled with depression for all my post tween life and just recently has had to face that I'm very bad at showing up for myself.
I was not meaning to be patronising nor dismissive of how hard your situation is.
I apologise for not beinh sufficiently clear.
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Comment on Struggling in my relationship in ~life
fnulare Link ParentI understand that your life and sense of self is in chaos. You are going through a process of grief related to this relationship and probably other things too. I wasn't really going to say...I understand that your life and sense of self is in chaos. You are going through a process of grief related to this relationship and probably other things too.
I wasn't really going to say anything specific, but:
Maybe I can make that person I share life with be my kid instead. I'm not quite there yet. I don't know.
No, I really don't think you should do this if you can help it. It is fine if you are your childs whole world but they can't be yours.
That's a too big responsibility for a child and one of those things that in my opinion really can ruin a parent/child relationship.
(It is not easy to explain exactly what I mean by this, or what set of my alarm clocks. But if you want I can try and figure it out together with you.)
I understand it is difficult to show up for yourself every day, but unfortunately I think that is what you have to do now (and in the end I truly believe that you, your child and even the world will be better for it).
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Comment on Pluribus S01E01 - “We is Us” in ~tv
fnulare Link ParentOh, you're in for a treat... So far two of the other plot-advancing tools have been recycling and a bar code! Still good show, but as all media it requires to not think too hard about it :) (I get...Oh, you're in for a treat...
So far two of the other plot-advancing tools have been recycling and a bar code!
Still good show, but as all media it requires to not think too hard about it :)
(I get that there needs to be a story to present thought provocing scenarios and that's totally fine!)
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Comment on Which grand strategy are you? in ~misc
fnulare LinkPlease ignore this comment I've just fallen into a well known trap! Grumpy old non-US anarchist commentator This was upsetting in so many ways! I'm not going to tear it apart because I understand...Please ignore this comment I've just fallen into a well known trap!
Grumpy old non-US anarchist commentator
This was upsetting in so many ways!I'm not going to tear it apart because I understand it was made in a very specific context for specific reasons.
Even though I understand the above paragraph it is fantastically upsetting how narrow minded the quiz is especially since it obviously is made in some kind of introductory teaching context.
I deleted my first comment (that I wrote after just reading the first question), because I realised it was out of context and wouldn't contribute meaningfully to the conversation. But then I read the rest of them and my blood boiled, so here we are:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhh! I hate this quiz and the world that made this quiz possible!!! There, I said it!!!
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Comment on How to customise status icons in Android 16? in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentWow, this is amazing... Thanks! It doesn't make up for the horrendous new icons, but it softens the blow :)Wow, this is amazing...
Thanks!
It doesn't make up for the horrendous new icons, but it softens the blow :)
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Comment on How to customise status icons in Android 16? in ~tech
fnulare Link ParentDo you mind sharing some things you found anyway?Do you mind sharing some things you found anyway?
I am now a little invested in how this turns out. So if you are up for it I very much would like to see updates.
I think you have received a lot of thoughtful information here and I hope you will manage this situation well.